Disclaimer: It's not owned by me and I'm not making any money, please don't sue me.
Thanks issued to beta of the year, Char!
Alrighty then, to reviewers:
Tinki-chan – Hey Tink! Good to see you again. Thanks for reviewing.
freakyfairy – Brilliant?! Well, thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. Cheers!
Rena Lupin – I'm sorry I'm messing with your version of Tom Riddle, but I'm glad you'll keep reading nonetheless. I'll try not to make him too evil. Thanks.
Mad Amecom PTE – Hopefully the task of watching over Lily is not as daunting as it seems. I'll look into that. I hear your call for Sirius/Remus action, and I salute you. However, my dear, we have a problem…this is going to be progressing slowly, for them, excruciating torture and all that, but I have hints of it for you scattered to the four corners of this fic, especially this chapter, so hopefully it will satisfy you for now. My main goal, after all, is to please my readers. Might slip in an accidental grope sometime soon, eh?
Senya Starseeker – I didn't mean for James to come off as such a jerk, but in all my fics, he seems to have that effect. I, personally, don't understand it, but hey, I think in this fic he's just being cautious and territorial. Anyway, glad you enjoy. (P.S. I wouldn't trust Snape's memories if I were you.)
Daine Yuy – I don't know, you might be right, but here's hoping this chapter will explain why she was put in Gryffindor. Quite simply, even though she had Ravenclaw bloodlines, she had Gryffindor characteristics.
Now, folks, put your hands together, for the chapter you've all been waiting for!
Chapter 5: Secrets In The Night
Refresher from the previous chapter:
"Sirius Black, doing homework on a Friday? No one would believe it."
"Well, I've had a rough day. Want me to grab your things while I'm up there? We can do it together."
James shoulders loosened, and he sagged thankfully against the chair. He and Sirius would be all right. "Sure."
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"Lil?" Remus called softly into the twilight. He was up on the roof outside of her dorm room. "Lily, its fifteen minutes past time. Are you there?"
"Yeah," came the muffled reply.
"Well, would you like to join me out here on the roof?"
"One moment," she called. Remus sat back and stared up at the sky, contemplating the 'Prongs Problem', as he referred to it in his mind. What Sirius had done wasn't going to work, and they needed to come up with a different plan. After a few minutes, Lily appeared, eyes a bit red and puffy, but dry. What did Prongs do to her?
Lily chuckled harshly. "How'd you know? Well, Potter had to walk in on me while I was thinking and we just had a row, is all. And he realized how he could hurt me most. So there you have it."
"It's getting stronger, isn't it?" he asked her, worried.
She nodded. "Yeah, lots of things come through. Seems like I have some kind of selection or barrier though, some people I hear, others are silent. I'm going to have to learn to block all of them out, especially as it gets stronger and I hear more people, although hearing exactly what our fellow peers are thinking about in classes like Divination and History of Magic would be entertaining, to say the least. There is something though, Remus, and it frightens me. I mean, your thoughts come in clearer than most, and I suppose that is because you're a descendant of Ravenclaw, but James- he comes in clearer than anyone, it's as if what he is thinking is really being said aloud to me. It's frightening. I respond without thinking. What is happening to me? Just awhile ago, when I was feeling- distressed- from my row with Potter, he shocked me into…into doing wandless magic."
Remus sucked in a shaky breath. "What happened?"
"Well, we'd just finished our row and I'd slammed the door on him and I took to…uh, violently attacking our dorm while he was shouting at me through the door- then he said something in my mind, he called me a traitorous snake and told me I couldn't hide behind closed doors forever- something like that, I don't quite remember. That's what the whole row was about, you know, him being a git accusing me of being dark, evil, uh, in league with Voldemort, let's not forget that one."
"Shit Lils," Remus sighed. "I'll talk to him. He has no right to say those things to you."
"He took me by surprise, contacting my mind so suddenly, causing me to trip. I'm sure I called out and my hand flung out to stop my fall- I'm kind of confused about this part- but it's like the motion of my hand preformed the spell. I started a whirlwind in my room, it was destroying everything and I couldn't find my wand at all. It hurt me, though, that was scariest. I was in so much pain. My head was throbbing, it was hard to breathe and it felt like my body had shattered into a thousand pieces. I could only roll over and over on the floor, moaning and hugging myself. Then, suddenly, it all stopped. I spent the last ten or twenty minutes setting everything right with my wand." She gazed up at him, looking like a lost kitten. "I'm not even in control of myself anymore."
"Oh Lily," Remus whispered. "I'm sorry, this shouldn't be happening to you. We'll go see Dumbledore tomorrow about it. Is the dorm all cleaned up? Do you need any help? Want me to go back to the common room and pound James to a pulp?"
She grinned weakly. "Thanks. For everything. Yeah, I want to see Dumbledore. Some things were still a bit unclear. What if I lose control in class?" She shuddered momentarily at the very thought. Shaking it off, she chuckled softly. "I'd love to see my werewolf bodyguard jump the pansy boy." Remus's face crumpled and she clamped a hand to her mouth but it was too late, it was out in the open.
"You- you know? That I'm- I'm a horrible monster once a month? A werewolf?" She nodded slowly. "How long?" he asked hoarsely.
"Since before we were friends- I knew before the train ride back to school in our first year, after winter break," she whispered.
"I knew you were too smart for your own good. And you still became my friend? Are my friend? You're not afraid of me? Afraid I'm in league with Voldemort and am plotting against you?"
She looked scandalized. "What? No, never. Remus, it's not your fault. You're my sweet Remus, my smart, caring, wonderful Remus who has what I like to call 'PMS'." She smiled slightly at this. "Werewolves are misunderstood; when you're the wolf, you're not in control, it is. Wolf instincts and reactions capture my sweet Remus for the full moon, but they are not the same person. I love you for who you are and nothing would keep me from being friends with you. You're my best friend, one of the best I've ever had, you know that right?"
Remus looked shocked. He had never been anyone's best friend before. He'd never had a best of the best, just a few really good friends and some acquaintances. "But I thought- Sirius-"
"Sirius is like a brother to me, not my best friend. You're my best friend."
"Really?" he asked, daring to hope.
"Really. It hurt more than anything when you told the Marauders and not me, in second year."
"Well, I didn't actually tell them, per say. They figured it out and asked me."
"That makes me feel a little better. I understand why you hid it. And- well, tell Sirius and Peter I say have fun hanging out with you on the full moon, but to be careful, transforming is very dangerous."
Remus just looked at her in amazement. "I love you too, Lily Evans. I won't let anything happen to you, you must believe in me."
"I never had a reason not to," she responded lightly.
"So, no good luck tidings for dear old Potter?" Remus asked jokingly.
"No," she replied coldly, eyes becoming unfamiliar icy chips of jade. "I hope he splinches himself."
Remus winced slightly. Although he was a bit upset with James, he didn't want him to splinch himself just because he was trying to help him out with the transformations. "Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked.
She nodded. "I thought it was time you knew that I knew. I wanted to wait for you to tell me in your own time, and earlier, in the clearing when I first arranged this meeting, I intended to talk about something else. But then, with the Voldemort thing and all, I figured life was too short to keep secrets from you, one of the only people I have left to trust. Uh, let's see, here's another secret of mine- until I was seven, I slept with the closet door closed so the 'monsters' wouldn't get me. The door was supposed to stop them."
"I had a fish once," Remus admitted, catching on to Lily's game. "I went on and on for two months about how it was my familiar and it just had to be coaxed out of it's shell. My parents were ready to commit me to Mungo's."
"Ah, okay Remus. Sure you don't still believe that?" she teased.
"What! I do not!"
"Well, I've never been French kissed. Most the guys I've kissed really suck at it. I mean, where's this mind blowing kiss I'm supposed to receive from my true love?"
"Don't know. I'm not sure I believe in true loves. I hate studying."
"Oh my god! Me too. Just because I like to read, doesn't mean I love to study or anything. Everyone thinks I'm such a bookworm, or…"
"Or the brains of the outfit," Remus continued forlornly.
"Exactly," Lily agreed. Looking at Remus, she sobered. "What's wrong?"
"I'm different."
"Yeah, Remus, you are. I don't understand, though."
"I mean, I don't really fit in with the guys. Almost everyone in this school thinks I'm a sissy, a nobody who needs James and Sirius to protect me, when really, I could break every bone in Lucius Malfoy's body without breaking a sweat, if I let myself go. But I don't, I can't, I won't. I burrow in my books as a defense. Something to save myself from the wolf, you know. Besides, I'd get sent home and probably to a Werewolf camp if I did snap. People just think I'm their pet project, almost like muggle community service, you know?"
"Oh, Remus, I don't think you're just a project to them. I just, I don't know what to say, how to help-"
"You know what? Sometimes I wonder if James and Sirius and Peter only stick around because they feel sorry for me. Or because they are afraid of me. But then I remember what they're risking to make my life better, and I feel guilty. Still, I have to wonder, I mean I am me, and I've had the worst record when it comes to friends."
"That's in the past, Remus. Is there anything I can do or say?
Sighing, he grinned wanly. "No one can help, Lily, it's enough that you listen."
"You're welcome to chat anytime Remus. I'll always listen."
"I'm allergic to toast. Not bread in general, just toast."
Lily took the hint, and thought for a moment. "I am obsessed with the stars. Real stars, as in our galaxy."
"I'm a real star, baby, and right here in the convenience of your very own dorm instead of thousands of miles away," a voice called from the window underneath them. Swirling silver eyes glowed up at them. "Want to be obsessed with me?"
"Hey Siri. Is it nine already?" Lily exclaimed. Time flies up here.
"Nine thirty by my watch. I came to find you. So this is your secret place."
"Yeah." Lily's brow furrowed. "How did you find it?"
"I can sense it," he replied, looking at Remus and patting his chest.
"Okay," Lily said with raised eyebrows.
"So- what are you doing up here?" Sirius demanded, climbing up to join them in their little nook.
"Revealing secrets."
"I'm not too good at ping pong," Sirius said after a moment, completely serious, causing Lily and Remus to burst out laughing.
"I have barely any hair on my arms," Lily admitted.
"I am licensed to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in emergency situations," Remus said.
"I am one with the force. Give me a light saber and call me Yoda." That was Sirius.
"I adore all kinds of music. I even have a magical stereo. That'll give me something to do all those hours alone."
"You won't be alone Lily," Sirius piped up. "You didn't think we'd leave you alone? Tsk, tsk. That would be horrible! Then we'd have to deal with an insane heir! Wait, don't we already?"
Remus chuckled while Lily swatted at her friend. "Not funny Sirius."
"Then why are you grinning?" Lily just grunted in response.
"Anyway, uh, I write." That was Remus, always the peacemaker.
"Write what?" Lily wondered.
"Poetry, mostly," the boy mumbled, flushed to his ears. Darting a glance at Sirius to make sure he wasn't laughing, Remus was surprised. Sirius seemed to be studying him intently, unaware of the awkward silence rising. "Padfoot," Remus cleared his throat. "Your turn."
"Oh. I can play the piano. Anything from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to Fir Elise to Mozart. And my voice isn't that bad."
"I can dance 73 different types of dances- I prefer jazz and pop, freelance- that's my favorite," Lily stated proudly.
"Really?" Sirius asked eagerly. "Maybe you could teach me the salsa sometime."
"Sure. Sometime."
"I have an odd fascination with Muggle murder mystery books," Remus admitted.
"I hate rabbits. They scare me, seriously, I swear they're apart of a secret alliance, wandering around trying to molest people."
Lily laughed out loud at this and Remus exchanged a beaming look with Sirius. Maybe this year is going to be more fun than I'd originally thought. Not so dreary and 'to the death'-ish. And hey, she laughed, right?
Lily motioned for them to lean in and whispered. "At my old school, I held the record for belching the ABC's the clearest and the loudest."
"Ew!" Sirius wailed, pretending to be horrified.
"I can count how many dates I've been out on with one hand."
"Oh, that's sad, Moony. You need to get out more," Sirius scolded, secretly pleased. "Well, this may come as a shock to you all, as I am one hot, sexy, sweet, charming, heroic, funny, intelligent-"
"You forgot modest!" Lily added helpfully.
"No, you just didn't let me finish-ahem, where was I? Oh yes! Funny, intelligent, talented, modest, dangerously brilliant mo-fo; however, looks can be deceiving. Alas, I am a virgin."
"Wow, didn't see that coming," Remus said, genuinely shocked.
"I've got one that'll totally blow your socks off. You ready? My soul mate, my intended, is old smelly He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I am Voldie's true love; why aren't the socks erupting off your feet?" Lily wondered sarcastically. Uh-oh, Remus thought.
"Maybe our shoes are stopping them," Sirius suggested gravely.
"Maybe some of us don't use our brains to their fullest potential," Remus retorted, looking pointedly at Sirius.
"Yeah, but Petey tries really hard to keep up with the rest of us, so we shouldn't say anything to him about it," Sirius argued.
"Point proven," Remus said to Lily, who just shook her head.
"Wait, Lil that one doesn't count! We already knew it."
"Fine, fine, you had to be sharp about that of all things, didn't you Sirius?"
"Hey! I resent that! I'll have you know that I am brilliant."
"Yeah, Sirius, sure you are," Lily teased.
"I am!" he squawked indignantly.
"He is." This was Remus. Smiling indulgently at Sirius, he said it again. "You are."
"Damn straight," Sirius agreed, eyeing Remus, searching for any sarcasm on his part. However, Remus was speaking what he genuinely thought, from all appearances, and Sirius was again secretly pleased. Or maybe not so secretly. He didn't realize it, but he was grinning like a maniac at Remus, a goofy, happy-go-lucky kind of grin with a bit of shyness. Different from his usual, self-assured smirk, Lily noted. And Remus. There's that smile again. The one he saves especially for Sirius. He always listens to Sirius, genuinely listens, no matter how crazy Sirius' plans are. And he tolerates him. I've never seen him get angry with Sirius, truly ticked off. That smile speaks of adoration- like he would go to the ends of the earth for Sirius. Like he's madly in love- oh shit! Hit me over the head with a shovel! Oh boy……… I think it's time to interrupt this intense staring contest.
"I sing in the shower…no talent whatsoever- and I don't just sing, I dance too. Practice my routines in there."
"Naked?" Sirius demanded, yanking his eyes away from molten gold, as though he was getting a hold of himself.
"Uh, yeah," Lily replied, rolling her eyes. Sarcasm will surely cut this mood in half. I hope. "Most people shower naked, Sirius, if you didn't know."
"Do you sell tickets?" Remus' expression fell a bit and now that Lily knew, she
couldn't help but notice. "I know a lot of guys who would pay top dollar to see you dance naked," Sirius continued confidently. "It's opportunity knocking, can't you hear it?" His only response was a smack on the back of the head. "Guess not."
"Pig," she muttered dangerously, still scanning Remus' face with worry. Problem was, she was glaring due to Sirius' crack about selling tickets, and Remus met her gaze tentatively. Her expression softened, and Remus released the breath he'd been holding.
"I almost got sorted into Ravenclaw."
"That wouldn't have been so bad," Lily argued, remembering how, as a first year, she had prayed she would be stuck into Ravenclaw or Gryffindor.
"Yes it would have! I hate studying! And I hate those stupid, stuck up know it alls who think that just because they are in the house for cleverness, that means they're the smartest."
"True, true," Sirius agreed sagely, nodding his head. "But Rem, I didn't know you despised studying so much. If you do, then why do y-" Lily shot Sirius a look that plainly said 'shut your arsehole' and he quickly got the message. "Okay, me, me, me! My turn! I almost got sorted into Slytherin. It told me I was a devious little kiddie who could have done great in Slytherin. I was like, hell no, bucko, you ain't putting me in that hole of a house. It took forever to convince the hat I didn't belong there despite my prankster outlook on life."
"Well, the hat told me I was a Gryffindor to the core despite my bloodlines. Until today that totally confused me. Anyway, that's not really a secret, so here's one. My shampoo- it smells really, really good. Like- I don't know, like a mixture of the four elements, fire and water, air and earth- dashed with a bit of magic-the smell reminds me of erotic, mind blowing s- never mind," she stopped, blushing. "It reminds me of wholeness. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, actually," Remus agreed, overlooking what she'd almost said. Sirius, however, couldn't resist.
"My, my, Lillian, that was very crude of you," he admonished prudishly, wagging a finger at her. "You were going to say your shampoo reminded you of erotic, mind blowing sex. That's pretty brazen, dearie, not at all the primness I'd imagined from a good little girl like you. Do you order it specially?"
She blushed even more. "Sirius, I meant the smell, it makes you feel like you've just had mind blowing sex- not that I know, but there's just something about it…ahem, Remus, I think it's your turn." She prayed Sirius would follow the focus-shift, as her only defense so far was stumbling over the explanation, which wasn't helping her case. Sirius obviously couldn't take a hint.
"I think it smells like lavender," Sirius continued, looking thoughtful. "Your hair, that is."
"Remus?" Lily pleaded.
Jealous that Sirius knew what Lily's hair smelled like, Remus stumbled around for something to say, sounding much like Lily had only moments before. "Uh- err- that is, it's not a deep secret, but I can't say I like oranges all that much. Too messy. And I am obsessed with the muggle cereal, Cap'N Crunch." Lily shot him a curious look, and Sirius didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. As usual. Under Lily's all-seeing gaze, Remus mentally smacked himself on the head. Idiot!
"I hide it well, but I have a deep respect for McGonagall, as well as some minimal affection for the old bat."
"I can play Quidditch, and I'm not half bad, actually."
"What position?" Sirius wondered.
"Chaser. No need to ask you two, Mr. Gryffindor Keeper and his side kick Gryffindor Beater."
Sirius grinned. "How come Moony got to be Mister? I'm no sidekick."
"Yeah," Remus said, pretending to agree. "He's a freak show all his own. How could you have made such a mistake?"
Sirius just pouted. For five whole seconds. The small ache he felt in his chest was ignored as he donned his usual devilish look. "In fact, we're in need of a thumping good Chaser, aren't we, Remmie?"
"Yes indeed. That snobby fourth year Jane, she's leaving for France in three weeks. You remember her, Padfoot, the girl who worships the ground you walk on? The girl that almost pounded your last girlfriend into a pulp?" Like I wanted to.
"I never thought about trying out before," Lily said. "There aren't usually any openings."
"Well, now there is one. I could talk to Jamie."
"Oh, and that'll so get me on the team. Don't you remember, Sirius? I'm dark and evil. Run for your lives, I can see into your heads and have wandless magic fits."
"What?" Sirius demanded.
"Oh- oops, I guess I forgot to tell you."
"About?" he pressed.
"Yuck, I don't want to relive it. Remus, you explain it to Snuffles here, I'm off to bed." I have something else we need to talk about Remus. In private. Uh, how about we meet in the Shack, tomorrow at noon?
"Snuffles?" Sirius demanded as she climbed down into the window.
Remus shot her a curious look, but nodded. "Will do, Lils." Tell him, and meet you. "Night."
"Snuffles?"
Thanks Remmie. "Goodnight Remus, Sirius. Thanks for everything today."
"No problem. Sleep well, Lily."
"Yeah, and goodnight," Sirius echoed. After she disappeared, he looked at Remus. "Snuffles?"
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So ends chapter 5. Not really much action, but a lot of things get aired out into the open. A silly, but at the same time, much needed chapter.
Thanks for reading, reviews savored like Friday afternoons in the fall,
Crys