Big P. Gandalf
Once upon a time there was a King.
He was the king of everything.
His name was Gandalf, and he was a major pimp. It wasn't always like this: The previous king had been a substantial loser named Aragorn. Aragorn was not pimping at all. He was quite the contrary; his voice was nasal and high, he dressed in women's tunics, and worst of all, he thought he was really iced out when in fact he was only a couple of plaid suspenders away from Erkel.
So, once upon a time earlier than the once upon a time mentioned before, Gandalf went on a huge pimping adventure, which eventually led to him being crowned the King of Middle West Kingdom.
The streets were tough when Gandalf was growing up. He lived in the projects with his Aunt. The particular housing development that he had to deal with was called Shire Hill Apartments. By the time Gandalf was eighteen, he had established himself in the pimping business near and around Shire Hill.
Business didn't really start picking up until he acquired a prized ho, her named was Fro'ho, and she was quite a character. Even though she was short and had hairy feet, she had a way with the guys. She had these intense blue eyes that just made the customers feel like they really knew her. Well, other than knowing her. He had a couple of other ladies working for him. There was Gimly (a midget), Arwena (a dominatrix), and Samantha (a plump girl with curly golden hair who had a thing for Fro'ho). His second most popular gal was Madame Galadriel who split the business with Gandalf 50/50.
The cops around the Shire Hill were corrupt as hell. The chief commissioner Saruman wanted a piece of the territory for his illicit drug trafficking. He wanted power. Unfortunately, the mob boss that he was working for (the Big I) was intent on having everything. They were such megalomaniac people.
So one day as Gandalf went off with his Magic Herbs and pimp buddies Pimpin' Pippin and Notorious Bo-ro-mir, Saruman snuck onto his home base to strike a deal with Fro'ho.
"Yo, sweet mama, Fro'ho, look here," Saruman said, catching Fro'ho unaware as she was leaving for a house call. "You don't gotta stay in this ghetto for no ding bat heezy operation. You gotta minute?"
Fro'ho sighed. He had approached her before.
"I'm not fallin' fo' any of yo' stupid ass tricks, Saru, baby. You suck, off the sheezy," she said.
"I think I got a way for you to get into legit business, though. You sayin' you don't want no legit business?" Saruman asked enticingly.
"Hell, whatever. Show me the goods, and we can make a deal. G?" She replied, eyes shifting.
"I got this huge ass diamond bling. I know you'd like it. It's a huge ass diamond. Did I mention how huge it is, it's almos' as big as yo' ass!" Saruman conceded in a hushed tone.
"What good is a diamond bling gonna do me? I already got lots of bling bling, you know what I'm sayin'?" Fro'ho told him disapprovingly.
Saruman pulled the huge diamond bling out of his pocket. Fro'ho gasped because she'd never seen such a gigantic bling before.
"What tha fuck!" She said, biting her tongue. Secretly, she wanted to grab the bling, spray Saruman with mace and run away.
"Eh, hold up lady," Saruman said, holding the bling back. "We got a price for this, you know. You wanna pawn this? You gonna have to help us take Big Pimpin' Gandalf down."
Fro'ho knew that this wasn't right. Betray her old buddy Gandalf and go to corrupt cops? She was tempted to do it for the bling, though. She took another look at that bling and could see that it was as magical as the herbs Gandalf was in the process of ingesting. It was the one bling she would do anything for.
"What the hell am I thinking?" she asked herself. "I'm gonna get my precious bling no matter what!" Suddenly, Fro'ho kicked Saruman in the balls and took out her pepper spray. She filled his eyes with PCP laced mace, took the bling, and left him having seizures in the street.
Once upon a time there was a King.
He was the king of everything.
His name was Gandalf, and he was a major pimp. It wasn't always like this: The previous king had been a substantial loser named Aragorn. Aragorn was not pimping at all. He was quite the contrary; his voice was nasal and high, he dressed in women's tunics, and worst of all, he thought he was really iced out when in fact he was only a couple of plaid suspenders away from Erkel.
So, once upon a time earlier than the once upon a time mentioned before, Gandalf went on a huge pimping adventure, which eventually led to him being crowned the King of Middle West Kingdom.
The streets were tough when Gandalf was growing up. He lived in the projects with his Aunt. The particular housing development that he had to deal with was called Shire Hill Apartments. By the time Gandalf was eighteen, he had established himself in the pimping business near and around Shire Hill.
Business didn't really start picking up until he acquired a prized ho, her named was Fro'ho, and she was quite a character. Even though she was short and had hairy feet, she had a way with the guys. She had these intense blue eyes that just made the customers feel like they really knew her. Well, other than knowing her. He had a couple of other ladies working for him. There was Gimly (a midget), Arwena (a dominatrix), and Samantha (a plump girl with curly golden hair who had a thing for Fro'ho). His second most popular gal was Madame Galadriel who split the business with Gandalf 50/50.
The cops around the Shire Hill were corrupt as hell. The chief commissioner Saruman wanted a piece of the territory for his illicit drug trafficking. He wanted power. Unfortunately, the mob boss that he was working for (the Big I) was intent on having everything. They were such megalomaniac people.
So one day as Gandalf went off with his Magic Herbs and pimp buddies Pimpin' Pippin and Notorious Bo-ro-mir, Saruman snuck onto his home base to strike a deal with Fro'ho.
"Yo, sweet mama, Fro'ho, look here," Saruman said, catching Fro'ho unaware as she was leaving for a house call. "You don't gotta stay in this ghetto for no ding bat heezy operation. You gotta minute?"
Fro'ho sighed. He had approached her before.
"I'm not fallin' fo' any of yo' stupid ass tricks, Saru, baby. You suck, off the sheezy," she said.
"I think I got a way for you to get into legit business, though. You sayin' you don't want no legit business?" Saruman asked enticingly.
"Hell, whatever. Show me the goods, and we can make a deal. G?" She replied, eyes shifting.
"I got this huge ass diamond bling. I know you'd like it. It's a huge ass diamond. Did I mention how huge it is, it's almos' as big as yo' ass!" Saruman conceded in a hushed tone.
"What good is a diamond bling gonna do me? I already got lots of bling bling, you know what I'm sayin'?" Fro'ho told him disapprovingly.
Saruman pulled the huge diamond bling out of his pocket. Fro'ho gasped because she'd never seen such a gigantic bling before.
"What tha fuck!" She said, biting her tongue. Secretly, she wanted to grab the bling, spray Saruman with mace and run away.
"Eh, hold up lady," Saruman said, holding the bling back. "We got a price for this, you know. You wanna pawn this? You gonna have to help us take Big Pimpin' Gandalf down."
Fro'ho knew that this wasn't right. Betray her old buddy Gandalf and go to corrupt cops? She was tempted to do it for the bling, though. She took another look at that bling and could see that it was as magical as the herbs Gandalf was in the process of ingesting. It was the one bling she would do anything for.
"What the hell am I thinking?" she asked herself. "I'm gonna get my precious bling no matter what!" Suddenly, Fro'ho kicked Saruman in the balls and took out her pepper spray. She filled his eyes with PCP laced mace, took the bling, and left him having seizures in the street.