Sihate talked with her sister, Hala, who was six, and had only been two at the time their father had died. She and Sihate were now alone.
The two went to bed early. Hala had been offered her own room, but wanted to stay with her sister, so they shared a bed. The night passed slowly after the small girl had stopped talking and went to sleep. Sihate lay awake and contemplated her few options. She had considered running away, or ending her own life, either of which she would have done, had it not been for her sister. She could not leave Hala alone, to grow to be bitter and distant, as she had.
Her sister was the light in the darkness that was Sihate's life. She would not let that light be put out.
The older girl came to a decision, that she would have to get a job. This would mean she had to drop out of school. Sihate had never liked school, but now that she found it necessary to drop out, it seemed like a part of her childhood was being torn from her failing hands.
Her will to protect this small child gave her strength. She would give her life to spare her sister of ever experiencing the horrible pain that she found herself having to battle with every passing day.
Turning over under the stiff covers to face her sister, she made a silent promise;
I will be here for you if ever you need me.
I will keep you safe.
I will do my best to provide for you.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
Pushing a few stray bangs out of the child's face, she told her, "You're all I've got left. You're my everything, kid." Yawning, she turned on her stomach, and slowly fell asleep. Tears and sorrow, her lullaby.
As the light broke through the open window next to the bed Sihate had slept on, she awoke.
She longed sullenly for her dark blanket of night's slumber to replace the day now shining unwanted light upon her cruel reality.
"Morning," Sihate said, sitting up.
"You're supposed to say, good morning," Hala informed her older sister.
"You don't use the word good, when everything in your world is bad," She looked at the small child, "Save for a few things." Sihate would later regret saying this, as, without knowing it, she had removed the word 'good' from her sister's vocabulary for quite some time.
"Can we eat, now?" Hala asked.
"You can, I have to get dressed,"
"I can't go without you. I don't know where to go,"
"Don't be silly, Hala. You know where the kitchen is. You go ahead and eat. I'm not hungry." She said, standing up and carrying her giggling sister out of the room, and placing her in the hall.
Hala ran down the hallway to the kitchen. Then Sihate closed the door and got dressed.
After a morning of preparation for mass, Sihate took a walk with Gohan, in the garden behind the church.
She observed the expression on his face, changing as he watched the passing flowers and plant life, as they walked.
Sihate could not keep from looking over at the place where she had first met the boy she was now walking with.
~~**~~
It had been a cheerful bright day that made you feel good. Completely unlike this day in which the weather reflected the way Sihate was feeling. Gloomy.
Sihate was a small child, not yet in school, and had come out to the garden while waiting for her father to finish talking with the priest. She sat under a tree and began to sing. She had always found herself full of song when with her father.
"Will you stop that stupid noise? It's hurting my ears." An older, but small boy said, walking out from behind a nearby hedge.
"I'll sing if I want to." Sihate told the boy, as politely as those words could be said, and continued singing.
"Listen kid, if you don't shut-up I'll shut you up." He threatened.
"Go ahead and try," Sihate told him, and proceeded to sing a high note.
This enraged the boy, who then ran at her and kicked her in the stomach, with all of his strength.
Sihate winced and doubled over.
The boy laughed and began to walk away. He stopped and whirled around after hearing something from Sihate.
Sihate sat up, gasping for air. There had been no tears in her eyes, nor fear in her heart. She began to sing the word 'coward' over and over. Her small lungs pained, and begged her for more inward air.
"So, you want more, do you?" Sihate could still remember the evil tone in the boy's voice as he asked this.
He charged at her, with a ready fist.
Holding an arm up in a feeble attempt to defend herself, she prepared for the blow. It never came.
Looking up Sihate saw a small boy with wild black hair, dressed in a yellow shirt with green pants, and a red hat with a little orange ball on the top. He held out a hand and taking her's, helped Sihate to her feet.
"What happened to the other boy?" She had asked.
"I took care of him. Don't worry," was his reply.
~~**~~
"Sihate? Do you know what you two are going to do, about the house?" Gohan questioned.
"No," Sihate said, looking down at the ground as she walked.
"If you want to talk about anything, just know that you can tell me anything."
"Thank you," She stopped walking. "Gohan, it's like I've forgotten how to speak, or think for that matter. I don't even know how I'm feeling anymore. I don't understand myself anymore. I think you know me better than I do. Everything is so confusing." She pushed the tears back down. "I thought of running away, you know. Becoming a new person or something. Then I remembered Hala and I couldn't do it. I'm all she's got, and I don't want her to turn out like me."
"I don't think turning out like you is a bad thing," Sihate's friend assured her.
"I'm being serious Gohan," She scolded.
"So was I," He said quietly. Sihate did not hear him. She was deep in thought.
"I don't think it's hit me yet, that she's gone. Like this morning I half expected her to come and wake me up." She told him absent-mindedly.
"I know what you mean. I picked up the phone to call you this morning, and when you didn't answer, I assumed you were out for your morning walk with your mother. Not long after, I remembered."
"Hala doesn't even seem to notice. I don't know why. Maybe she's forgotten, or just in denial."
"Can a six year old be in denial?"
"Sure," Sihate, said and sat down under a tree "I can't bring myself to tell her the truth."
"I can help. If you need me there, I'll stay with you when you tell her."
"No, I want to do it by myself. I'll tell her."
"Okay, then. If you're sure." Gohan's statement was followed by a moment of silence.
Sihate's face turned serious. "I can't stand it. I know there's a reason for everything, but why did they have to die? What's the reasoning in that? It's not fair! They can't just not be here. They left us alone. I hate them for leaving us. Then I hate myself for hating them." Tears began to pool in the girl's eyes.
Gohan put an arm around her. "Never hate yourself. You're too good for that."
"What are we going to do? I can sell the house. That will give us a good amount of money, but then where will we go? We can't stay with the priest forever." Placing her head carefully on her friends shoulder she began to weep.
Her body shook with every inward breath. Between sobs, she told him, "I'm sorry to burden you with this."
He wrapped both strong arms around her and said, "It's no burden. It's an honour."
The two walked back to the glebe house to get Hala.
The two went to bed early. Hala had been offered her own room, but wanted to stay with her sister, so they shared a bed. The night passed slowly after the small girl had stopped talking and went to sleep. Sihate lay awake and contemplated her few options. She had considered running away, or ending her own life, either of which she would have done, had it not been for her sister. She could not leave Hala alone, to grow to be bitter and distant, as she had.
Her sister was the light in the darkness that was Sihate's life. She would not let that light be put out.
The older girl came to a decision, that she would have to get a job. This would mean she had to drop out of school. Sihate had never liked school, but now that she found it necessary to drop out, it seemed like a part of her childhood was being torn from her failing hands.
Her will to protect this small child gave her strength. She would give her life to spare her sister of ever experiencing the horrible pain that she found herself having to battle with every passing day.
Turning over under the stiff covers to face her sister, she made a silent promise;
I will be here for you if ever you need me.
I will keep you safe.
I will do my best to provide for you.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
Pushing a few stray bangs out of the child's face, she told her, "You're all I've got left. You're my everything, kid." Yawning, she turned on her stomach, and slowly fell asleep. Tears and sorrow, her lullaby.
As the light broke through the open window next to the bed Sihate had slept on, she awoke.
She longed sullenly for her dark blanket of night's slumber to replace the day now shining unwanted light upon her cruel reality.
"Morning," Sihate said, sitting up.
"You're supposed to say, good morning," Hala informed her older sister.
"You don't use the word good, when everything in your world is bad," She looked at the small child, "Save for a few things." Sihate would later regret saying this, as, without knowing it, she had removed the word 'good' from her sister's vocabulary for quite some time.
"Can we eat, now?" Hala asked.
"You can, I have to get dressed,"
"I can't go without you. I don't know where to go,"
"Don't be silly, Hala. You know where the kitchen is. You go ahead and eat. I'm not hungry." She said, standing up and carrying her giggling sister out of the room, and placing her in the hall.
Hala ran down the hallway to the kitchen. Then Sihate closed the door and got dressed.
After a morning of preparation for mass, Sihate took a walk with Gohan, in the garden behind the church.
She observed the expression on his face, changing as he watched the passing flowers and plant life, as they walked.
Sihate could not keep from looking over at the place where she had first met the boy she was now walking with.
~~**~~
It had been a cheerful bright day that made you feel good. Completely unlike this day in which the weather reflected the way Sihate was feeling. Gloomy.
Sihate was a small child, not yet in school, and had come out to the garden while waiting for her father to finish talking with the priest. She sat under a tree and began to sing. She had always found herself full of song when with her father.
"Will you stop that stupid noise? It's hurting my ears." An older, but small boy said, walking out from behind a nearby hedge.
"I'll sing if I want to." Sihate told the boy, as politely as those words could be said, and continued singing.
"Listen kid, if you don't shut-up I'll shut you up." He threatened.
"Go ahead and try," Sihate told him, and proceeded to sing a high note.
This enraged the boy, who then ran at her and kicked her in the stomach, with all of his strength.
Sihate winced and doubled over.
The boy laughed and began to walk away. He stopped and whirled around after hearing something from Sihate.
Sihate sat up, gasping for air. There had been no tears in her eyes, nor fear in her heart. She began to sing the word 'coward' over and over. Her small lungs pained, and begged her for more inward air.
"So, you want more, do you?" Sihate could still remember the evil tone in the boy's voice as he asked this.
He charged at her, with a ready fist.
Holding an arm up in a feeble attempt to defend herself, she prepared for the blow. It never came.
Looking up Sihate saw a small boy with wild black hair, dressed in a yellow shirt with green pants, and a red hat with a little orange ball on the top. He held out a hand and taking her's, helped Sihate to her feet.
"What happened to the other boy?" She had asked.
"I took care of him. Don't worry," was his reply.
~~**~~
"Sihate? Do you know what you two are going to do, about the house?" Gohan questioned.
"No," Sihate said, looking down at the ground as she walked.
"If you want to talk about anything, just know that you can tell me anything."
"Thank you," She stopped walking. "Gohan, it's like I've forgotten how to speak, or think for that matter. I don't even know how I'm feeling anymore. I don't understand myself anymore. I think you know me better than I do. Everything is so confusing." She pushed the tears back down. "I thought of running away, you know. Becoming a new person or something. Then I remembered Hala and I couldn't do it. I'm all she's got, and I don't want her to turn out like me."
"I don't think turning out like you is a bad thing," Sihate's friend assured her.
"I'm being serious Gohan," She scolded.
"So was I," He said quietly. Sihate did not hear him. She was deep in thought.
"I don't think it's hit me yet, that she's gone. Like this morning I half expected her to come and wake me up." She told him absent-mindedly.
"I know what you mean. I picked up the phone to call you this morning, and when you didn't answer, I assumed you were out for your morning walk with your mother. Not long after, I remembered."
"Hala doesn't even seem to notice. I don't know why. Maybe she's forgotten, or just in denial."
"Can a six year old be in denial?"
"Sure," Sihate, said and sat down under a tree "I can't bring myself to tell her the truth."
"I can help. If you need me there, I'll stay with you when you tell her."
"No, I want to do it by myself. I'll tell her."
"Okay, then. If you're sure." Gohan's statement was followed by a moment of silence.
Sihate's face turned serious. "I can't stand it. I know there's a reason for everything, but why did they have to die? What's the reasoning in that? It's not fair! They can't just not be here. They left us alone. I hate them for leaving us. Then I hate myself for hating them." Tears began to pool in the girl's eyes.
Gohan put an arm around her. "Never hate yourself. You're too good for that."
"What are we going to do? I can sell the house. That will give us a good amount of money, but then where will we go? We can't stay with the priest forever." Placing her head carefully on her friends shoulder she began to weep.
Her body shook with every inward breath. Between sobs, she told him, "I'm sorry to burden you with this."
He wrapped both strong arms around her and said, "It's no burden. It's an honour."
The two walked back to the glebe house to get Hala.