After Spot's threat most of the boys backed off for fear of angering their
leader. Those that didn't well, they too were worried about getting caught
and it was easier to evade them. The real battle was just starting for me
though and it was not a battle with any one other than myself. This had
nothing to do with my emotions connected with Spot or otherwise; it had to
do with my own actions and outlooks.
He was ever the gentleman in front of his boys, showing them that he thought more of me than they previously assumed and expected the same from them. If any stepped out of line and Spot heard of it there was either a fight or a swift apology. Yet that made me feel safe and my actions did not change in the least
As a child I had lived in neighborhoods that had been inhabited by older people that had adult children. I learned at an early age to act as an adult and to find things to do that were entertaining. I learned to be independent and was fiercely independent, something that hadn't earned me a popular reputation in school. To the popular crowds I was one of the oddballs preferring the company of my few friends rather than trying to fit in with them. I was different and I reveled in it, rubbing their noses in it when ever possible. I did outrageous stunts even for my time just to prove I didn't care in the least what anyone else thought. My father often would become irate at some of my antics; my mother would laugh it off and tell him to calm down. It went against the very grain of my nature to try to fit in, but I had to. I could not pointedly ignore those that did not understand me.
I did not understand at first the precarious position I was in and what it was doing to Spot. Not until Jack came on one of his visits to Brooklyn, to check up on things and do what ever the leaders of the newsies did behind the door of Spots room. Which I believed was really drink whiskey, smoke cigars and talk about the latest girl, but I couldn't know for sure.
I was meandering across the bunkroom to the widow and the fire escape beyond hoping perhaps to listen in on what Jack and Spot were talking about. Nosy of me I know, but I had a healthy curiosity, one that I had a hard time not appeasing. It had been weeks since any real attempt at the treatment I had previously known, but tonight they had been drinking and gambling. The only thing that was missing was a girl and I had to wonder into the bunkroom just at that moment. I ignored their looks as I slipped through the window to my place smiling as I notice Spots window as cracked and I could hear the low murmur of voices.
The air was cool, but welcome after the hot days that nearly always come just before autumn truly hits and it becomes cold during the day as well as the night. The sun had just set and the night would become cold soon, but I figured I could enjoy the temperature while I could. I unbuttoned two of the buttons on my shirt, it was not as if I had half way unbuttoned it, the v of the shirt reached to a modest point just showing a peek of my camisole. I pulled off my socks and shoes wiggling my toes in delight. I rolled up my pants to my knees enjoying the feeling of the air on my legs and pulled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun a few tendrils sticking to my sweaty neck. I propped my feet up on the wall just below the windowsill as I took the small notebook and pen from my pocket. I had purchased them only days ago taking the money from my carefully hoarded money. I stared off into space waiting for the words to come. Waiting for the muse to whisper the words in my ear that would become a poem. I used the notebook to like a journal with creative possibilities; poems and ideas for stories went into it, along with notes on my life the past weeks. The weeks that were quickly becoming months, sometimes I worried over the time I had spent here, but I was stuck. I couldn't have any of the boys bring me the necklace, not without the fear of them finding the bracelet that had already been a danger. My pen was poised above the paper, my mind free, as it only is when I let it wonder and dream in the prospect of a new adventure even if it was only in my imagination. So lost was I in my writing I did not hear the footsteps that stopped at the window, or see the boy who looked out at me, his eyes wondering over my bare legs, a gleam at the bare flesh that was so often hidden by long skirts and stockings coming into his eyes. I did not even notice him until I felt his hand on my shin. Shocked out of my reverie I looked at him my eyes wide, much like rabbit caught in the glare of a car's headlights.
"What are you doing?'" I asked in an outraged squawk pulling my leg out of his hand and backing as far as I could into the railing.
"Admirin what ya so willin to show." He replied a grin on his face that I wanted to smack off. " Come on, we knows ya ain't the good girl Spot's been treatin ya as."
"I have no idea what you mean." I said primly as I gave him my best school teacher look. In reality I didn't, my mind just hadn't comprehended the idea that while I felt over dressed in comparison to the clothes I had worn in my time. It wasn't that I didn't know the rules, or that now I wasn't more aware, but with Spot defending me I hadn't been forced to act as I should. He just smirked as he climbed out the window. I managed to stand before he grabbed my arm. I could smell the liquor on his breath and knew he was doing this on liquid courage alone.
"Get your dirty crumb snatchers off of me." I shrieked indignantly. That brought Spots window flying open and two heads poking out. The boy dropped me looking sheepishly at Spot. Spot eyed me for a moment then shook his head.
"Get inside." He snapped at the boy who did as he was told. " You get in here."
I glared at him as I climbed over the windowsill and into his room. Jack looked me over with an interested gleam in his eyes as they traveled up my legs.
"I think I need a cigarette." Jack said before climbing out the way I had come in. I sat on the bed and crossed my arms glaring at him, too proud to roll down my pants and button up my shirt even though he was looking at me as if I was parading around in Victoria's Secret lingerie. I almost laughed as I thought of what any of the boys would do seeing a woman actually parading around in Victoria's Secret lingerie, except the exasperated and angry look on Spot's face stopped me.
"I've been patient Cameo." He said as he paced trying not to look at my legs. "I can't keep doin this, ya gotten me in more fights with me boys than I can deal with. I can only defend ya honor so far if ya ain't helping me out here. Look at ya, ya wearin less than the protstiutes wear when they're lookin for a customer. I'm done, ya want to get treated like a lady, ya gotta start actin like it. I'm losin the respect of me boys tryin to keep them from attackin ya and every time I turn around ya pullin another stunt like this."
I wanted to argue, I wanted to fight him, but I knew he was right and I couldn't dispute it.
"I'm sorry." I said softly hating saying it, but knowing I needed to. I rolled my pants down and rebuttoned my shirt. He knelt in front of me one of his hands pulling my chin up to look at him eye to eye. He looked surprised at the fact I hadn't chosen to fight him.
"Look I know ya think differently than we do. I don't know why, but things just don't seem ta sit in that brain of yours like they do in ours." Spot said gently. "I made ya promise me ya wouldn't marry a man that curbed that spirit of yours and even if I wanted to I sure ain't gonna be the man that tries to curb it, but ya gotta help me out here Briar. I can't keep fightin. I'm losin the respect of me boys, I can only keep doin this for so long before I gotta either send ya packin, let them do what they want, or they're gonna take matters into their own hands and I ain't gonna be the leader of Brooklyn anymore. If they do that, I ain't gonna be the leader of nothin and I can't let that happen. Your life, Glimmer's life, and my life is hangin here and no matter how much I want to I can't let you go, and I can't let them have you. "
I didn't say anything; I bit my tongue and nodded, knowing that it was true. I hated the fact he was right, I hated the fact I was going to have to learn to fit in. I hated everything about it, except one thing, the blue eyes that were watching me to see if I was just agreeing so he would back of or if I really meant it. I knew why he was the leader. He had that ability to command people's attention without even trying. He could inspire them to do what ever he really wanted. He would have made a great king, tough, strong, compassionate, and charismatic. His newsies followed him out of respect and awe, but even the most charismatic man could fall. Even the greatest kings had been over thrown and I felt the fear of what I could see happening if he did have to keep protecting me from myself.
"On top of everythin, I can't concentrate on what I need to concentrate on. My birdies are tellin me that that attack on ya a few weeks ago was planned. Ox was in that alley that night and ya weren't supposed to live through it. I need to be able to figure out what then next move is. The only thing I've been able to get done these past few weeks is convince Lucky to kick Ox outta the Bronx LH."
Again I nodded, feeling ashamed that he was trying to protect my life and I was blatantly ignoring the social standards of this time making things more difficult for him. I could have kept a closer watch on what I was doing, but I hadn't. I knew the rules, I knew how I should be acting, but I didn't. Even if the stakes weren't so high, the fact I had allowed him to get into the fights he had made me feel ashamed. It had never occurred to me that I had the power to stop it.
I looked closely at him noticing the bruises that were starting to fade and some that were new. One graced his jaw, another his cheek, one was fading from around on eye. Gently I touched the bruise on his cheek, and shook my head wanting to cry at the pain I had unintentionally inflicted upon him.
"I'm sorry." I whispered again. I looked away not wanting him to see the battle I was fighting inside of myself. His hand covered mine as he turned his face and kissed my hand. His other hand brushed my hair from my face and the look on his face was soft as he stood and helped me to my feet. This was the Spot few say again; this was Michael, the man not the myth. I wondered how many girls he had allowed to see this side so he could take advantage of its effect. I wondered if he knew its effect.
"I've gotta finish talkin with Jack." He told me. "Just help me out a little here and try to behave yaself."
I nodded before venturing out the window and up to the roof where I stayed long past lights out.
"Whatta ya gonna do with her Spot?" I heard a voice say floating up to me on the breeze that had turned from cool to down right chilly. I shivered and sighed knowing that I would have to wait until Glimmer and Spot went back inside before sneaking down to my room.
" I don't know Bri, I hope I managed to get it through her thick head today." Spot replied as he lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing. " She reminds me of Ma. Ma and that Irish temper of hers, matched her red hair. "
Glimmer laughed as if she too was remembering their mother. I peeked over the edge of the roof at the two siblings that stood side by side.
"Do ya think she would be disappointed in me?" Glimmer asked looking down at her attire. "Cause I ain't the proper lady?"
"Na," Spot told her wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a comforting gesture. "She loved ya Bri and if there is anyone to fault with the way ya act it's mine. I shoulda tried to teach ya to be a girl, but there weren't no girls around and I don't understand them so well sometimes. I raised ya the best I knew how and I shoulda done better by ya."
"Ya did the best ya could." Glimmer said gently. "At least I ain't a Sarah."
"Yeah I guess I coulda done worse." Spot chuckled. I watched as they hugged tears coming to my eyes as I felt a tinge of jealousy. I knew that Spot and Glimmer were close. They depended on each other, kept a watch out for each other, and loved each other. My brother and sister I was a stranger to, unable by the different mothers that separated us to be close. I closed my eyes as I thought about the jealousy that had often gripped me when watching them with their mother, the same jealousy that was gripping me now. I wanted so much to belong to someone, yet I was so afraid to. Afraid they'd leave; they'd die and leave another gaping hole where my heart should have been. My heart was still attempting to mend the gaping holes left from my mothers death, which is part of what made me so cautious about loving Spot. There were too many improbables and too many ways I could get hurt, but the heart unfortunately won't listen to the sage advice of the mind.
"Do ya love her Michael?" she asked so softly I almost didn't catch it.
" I don't know." He replied "Love ain't somethin I'm ready for. I ain't ready to give up bein a newsie and grow up like that yet."
"She loves you." Glimmer informed him, I felt my heart clench and wished for a pot I could throw down on her head right now. I didn't know how she had figured it out, then again I didn't know how Mush and Blink had figured out I was interested. Where had that ability to hide all of my emotions gotten off to? Since when had I become an open book?
"What makes ya say that?" Spot's question was said slowly as he looked at his sister curiously.
"I can see it." Glimmer responded. " It's in the way she looks at ya. She ain't like the other girls ya toyed with Spot. I don't think she's gonna give ya what ya want. I know ya can be pretty persuasive, and if she does, she ain't gonna stand for bein thrown to the side. Promise me ya won't hurt her."
"I ain't gonna hurt her." Spot promised, they stood together for a little while longer, Glimmer curled up in his arms, reminding me of the little girl she must have been only a few years ago.
"Come on little sister, let's go in." Spot urged, she nodded sleepily and crawled into the bunkroom window as ours was stuck and hadn't been fixed yet. I waited until I knew it was clear before descending the stairs and crawling into the bunkroom myself. I cursed as I stumbled into the person who was waiting in the shadows for me.
"What are you doing?" I hissed as familiar arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into his room. I didn't struggle, that would have made too much noise and the last thing I wanted was to wake any of the sleeping boys. I wanted to just as a matter of principal, however if any of them saw me being pulled into Spot's room what was left of my reputation would be entirely shot.
"I figured you were still up there." Spot told me as he released me. The moonlight shone in the window lighting his features in an odd canvas of shadows and light. "So was she right?"
"What are you talking about?" I responded stubbornly not sure I wanted him to know yet. I after all had only just started to come to terms with my emotions. "What are you a caveman? You just can't go around grabbing innocent girls and dragging them back to your cave to ravish until they can't walk."
"Don't tempt me." Spot chuckled " I may just have to drag ya around by ya hair for a little while until ya see reason.
I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it, when he got going he could be pretty amusing himself. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he ran a finger down the side of my neck.
"Ya know what I'm talkin about I saw ya peekin over the roof watchin us." His face was serious now as he said those words. I cursed silently that I couldn't read his face in this light and I shook my head.
"I don't know what I'm feeling." I sighed; he nodded giving me his signature smirk as he did. A smirk that no longer had the power to irritate me, but I found I actually had come to like it. We both knew my answer had been an evasion of telling him what I didn't want to admit to him.
I didn't protest when he pulled me to him, I didn't protest as he kissed me. I didn't protest as I found myself falling back onto the bed, with his arms around me I felt safe. Blame it on the moonlight, blame it on my haywire emotions, but my mind was filled only with Spot and the feelings he could invoke with a smile or a light, innocent caress of his hand. I felt his kisses on my throat and did not stop him as he edged lower. Just as I knew there would be no turning back he stopped.
"What's wrong?" I whispered confusion plain on my face; I couldn't read the expression on his face though the moonlight fell full on it. There was something soft, something that I couldn't place.
"I ain't gonna do this." He told me as he stood and moved back into the shadows. "I can't do this. You wouldn't want me to."
"I understand." I said softly as I stood and straightened my clothes. I started for the door, not sure whether to be relieved or upset. He grabbed my wrist and whirled me back into his arms. His lips were on mine driving all thoughts from my mind once more when he raised his head I felt as if I was drunk. My head was spinning and light.
"I don't." he said quietly as he pushed me toward the door and looked out the window, his breathing uneven, his body tense. I knew what it would do to him to leave him tonight. "Normally I woulda taken that opening ya just gave me. I don't know why I'm not going to, but I'm not."
"Go." The word was an order that would have made even the toughest of his boys do as he commanded. Yet I couldn't as looked at him, his eyes flashing even in this light seeming to be chips of ice, looking at me from the shadows like a predator who was contemplating jumping on it's prey before it could run away. I didn't want to run as I stood there my eyes trapped by his. "Go before I loose my control and I treat ya like the girls before ya."
I hesitated wanting to help him, yet not wanting to forget the personal promises I had made to myself. I was torn, he had the power, and he knew it. He could take the iron that was my will and melt it right now with the heat of his gaze and his burning kisses. He took my arm and pushed me out the door of his room, shutting it firmly behind him. I heard his head thump against the door as he hit it against it. I waited for a moment unsure of what to do; finally I turned to walk away. I heard the door open as I got halfway across the bunkroom, but it was too late my senses had come reeling back telling me what an idiot I had been. I heard his sigh and heard the door shut again.
I walked silently to my room and shut the door the emotions flying around inside me. I knew he could have had what he wanted, but he hadn't taken it. It was a confusing and perplexing thought. I mulled it over as I got ready for bed, Glimmer already asleep her breathing even and deep.
"He's a good boy underneath." She said startling me as I changed into my nightgown.
"I know." I murmured as I lay down. " I know."
"Just like you're a good girl." She whispered so softly I wasn't sure she had actually said it.
Okay the whole modesty issue has been beaten to death now and I promise I will move on! I think I got my point across; I had to find some way for it to really be driven home in her mind. I wanted her to realize it as normal people would. We see things, but we don't always react to them. The full effect doesn't always sink in on our actions. I hope it was still enjoyable.
Getcha: I am very glad you are enjoying my little story! Let me know how this one went.
Fearless: I'll think about it when I'm searching for a new character. You'll have to be patient, I am at the mercy of the muses. E-mail me the info for the mailing list. Thank you !
Falco my favorite Lazy Bum: Hey hon, glad you loved it! He is kind of sexy isn't he? There is this power I am trying to convey that I am not sure I am getting across. Well at least you love him. I thought comparing Spot to the alpha male was perfect. When the idea hit me over the head like a ton of bricks I almost danced in excitement.
Chelci: Here you go babe, another Kodak moment with Glimmer. Hoped you liked it. You even got to snuggle.
Indy: Hey I'm glad you think my characters are believable, I was trying for that. It is really nice to know that you don't think this is another Mary Sue! I really didn't want Cameo to be one, I wanted you to able to relate to her. She's not perfect, oh no, she's far from it, but she is very entertaining in her antics!
JP: Hey it was so nice to talk to you again! I missed you (sends virtual hugs and smooches). I'm sorry you've been sick and I hope everything is going well with the job. I can't wait for the next chapter, you may not be too thrilled with it, but I am! Write more soon. Yea! It's not sappy (does a happy dance)! I like what I write, but that doesn't mean I'm good.
Rumor: No writer's block. Bad, (hiss) bad! Okay I love your reviews! I can't wait for the next one....I hope. I haven't had writers block, just a lack of computer and a nasty cold. They seem to be going around right now. It's nice to have another history buff! Did you know there was one woman in the suffragettes that the president backed until she learned of her beliefs on free love. Imagine free love in the turn of the century. She was the original hippie, he, he, he. I'm writing as fast as I can so I can keep you and the muses happy. The Renaissance Festival is a blast as long as you aren't working there. I wasn't kidding about the director. She's never acted a day in her life started out picking up trash. We're wondering how a person who has no real acting experience is directing actors. Oh well the Ren Faire, a constant perplexing place. Still it is a blast. I'm glad you see her as complicated I really wanted Cameo to be a multidimensional character. Glad you loved it. Thank you!
Ali: Ah, my favorite hopeless romantic, this chapter's for you. Hope it has the elements you love. Thank you for your praise, it keeps me wanting to write more! I'm glad you loved the alpha male thing it really amused me!
Ursula: Not bored with the praise at all, who doesn't love to be praised? As for the encouragement on your story! WRITE MORE! I'm glad I am accomplishing my goal in not having Cameo adjust immediately. I know that the culture shock of such a thing might fell a person who is not as hardy as my Cameo. She's a pistol and I love it.
Dreamer: He is a wolf isn't he? I was watching the movie the other night and there is something powerful about that gaze, reminded me of a wolf. He he he, I love my muses, though I'm a little disappointed in them today, I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but oh well. As for your characters, you are just now starting to develop them. It will come!
He was ever the gentleman in front of his boys, showing them that he thought more of me than they previously assumed and expected the same from them. If any stepped out of line and Spot heard of it there was either a fight or a swift apology. Yet that made me feel safe and my actions did not change in the least
As a child I had lived in neighborhoods that had been inhabited by older people that had adult children. I learned at an early age to act as an adult and to find things to do that were entertaining. I learned to be independent and was fiercely independent, something that hadn't earned me a popular reputation in school. To the popular crowds I was one of the oddballs preferring the company of my few friends rather than trying to fit in with them. I was different and I reveled in it, rubbing their noses in it when ever possible. I did outrageous stunts even for my time just to prove I didn't care in the least what anyone else thought. My father often would become irate at some of my antics; my mother would laugh it off and tell him to calm down. It went against the very grain of my nature to try to fit in, but I had to. I could not pointedly ignore those that did not understand me.
I did not understand at first the precarious position I was in and what it was doing to Spot. Not until Jack came on one of his visits to Brooklyn, to check up on things and do what ever the leaders of the newsies did behind the door of Spots room. Which I believed was really drink whiskey, smoke cigars and talk about the latest girl, but I couldn't know for sure.
I was meandering across the bunkroom to the widow and the fire escape beyond hoping perhaps to listen in on what Jack and Spot were talking about. Nosy of me I know, but I had a healthy curiosity, one that I had a hard time not appeasing. It had been weeks since any real attempt at the treatment I had previously known, but tonight they had been drinking and gambling. The only thing that was missing was a girl and I had to wonder into the bunkroom just at that moment. I ignored their looks as I slipped through the window to my place smiling as I notice Spots window as cracked and I could hear the low murmur of voices.
The air was cool, but welcome after the hot days that nearly always come just before autumn truly hits and it becomes cold during the day as well as the night. The sun had just set and the night would become cold soon, but I figured I could enjoy the temperature while I could. I unbuttoned two of the buttons on my shirt, it was not as if I had half way unbuttoned it, the v of the shirt reached to a modest point just showing a peek of my camisole. I pulled off my socks and shoes wiggling my toes in delight. I rolled up my pants to my knees enjoying the feeling of the air on my legs and pulled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun a few tendrils sticking to my sweaty neck. I propped my feet up on the wall just below the windowsill as I took the small notebook and pen from my pocket. I had purchased them only days ago taking the money from my carefully hoarded money. I stared off into space waiting for the words to come. Waiting for the muse to whisper the words in my ear that would become a poem. I used the notebook to like a journal with creative possibilities; poems and ideas for stories went into it, along with notes on my life the past weeks. The weeks that were quickly becoming months, sometimes I worried over the time I had spent here, but I was stuck. I couldn't have any of the boys bring me the necklace, not without the fear of them finding the bracelet that had already been a danger. My pen was poised above the paper, my mind free, as it only is when I let it wonder and dream in the prospect of a new adventure even if it was only in my imagination. So lost was I in my writing I did not hear the footsteps that stopped at the window, or see the boy who looked out at me, his eyes wondering over my bare legs, a gleam at the bare flesh that was so often hidden by long skirts and stockings coming into his eyes. I did not even notice him until I felt his hand on my shin. Shocked out of my reverie I looked at him my eyes wide, much like rabbit caught in the glare of a car's headlights.
"What are you doing?'" I asked in an outraged squawk pulling my leg out of his hand and backing as far as I could into the railing.
"Admirin what ya so willin to show." He replied a grin on his face that I wanted to smack off. " Come on, we knows ya ain't the good girl Spot's been treatin ya as."
"I have no idea what you mean." I said primly as I gave him my best school teacher look. In reality I didn't, my mind just hadn't comprehended the idea that while I felt over dressed in comparison to the clothes I had worn in my time. It wasn't that I didn't know the rules, or that now I wasn't more aware, but with Spot defending me I hadn't been forced to act as I should. He just smirked as he climbed out the window. I managed to stand before he grabbed my arm. I could smell the liquor on his breath and knew he was doing this on liquid courage alone.
"Get your dirty crumb snatchers off of me." I shrieked indignantly. That brought Spots window flying open and two heads poking out. The boy dropped me looking sheepishly at Spot. Spot eyed me for a moment then shook his head.
"Get inside." He snapped at the boy who did as he was told. " You get in here."
I glared at him as I climbed over the windowsill and into his room. Jack looked me over with an interested gleam in his eyes as they traveled up my legs.
"I think I need a cigarette." Jack said before climbing out the way I had come in. I sat on the bed and crossed my arms glaring at him, too proud to roll down my pants and button up my shirt even though he was looking at me as if I was parading around in Victoria's Secret lingerie. I almost laughed as I thought of what any of the boys would do seeing a woman actually parading around in Victoria's Secret lingerie, except the exasperated and angry look on Spot's face stopped me.
"I've been patient Cameo." He said as he paced trying not to look at my legs. "I can't keep doin this, ya gotten me in more fights with me boys than I can deal with. I can only defend ya honor so far if ya ain't helping me out here. Look at ya, ya wearin less than the protstiutes wear when they're lookin for a customer. I'm done, ya want to get treated like a lady, ya gotta start actin like it. I'm losin the respect of me boys tryin to keep them from attackin ya and every time I turn around ya pullin another stunt like this."
I wanted to argue, I wanted to fight him, but I knew he was right and I couldn't dispute it.
"I'm sorry." I said softly hating saying it, but knowing I needed to. I rolled my pants down and rebuttoned my shirt. He knelt in front of me one of his hands pulling my chin up to look at him eye to eye. He looked surprised at the fact I hadn't chosen to fight him.
"Look I know ya think differently than we do. I don't know why, but things just don't seem ta sit in that brain of yours like they do in ours." Spot said gently. "I made ya promise me ya wouldn't marry a man that curbed that spirit of yours and even if I wanted to I sure ain't gonna be the man that tries to curb it, but ya gotta help me out here Briar. I can't keep fightin. I'm losin the respect of me boys, I can only keep doin this for so long before I gotta either send ya packin, let them do what they want, or they're gonna take matters into their own hands and I ain't gonna be the leader of Brooklyn anymore. If they do that, I ain't gonna be the leader of nothin and I can't let that happen. Your life, Glimmer's life, and my life is hangin here and no matter how much I want to I can't let you go, and I can't let them have you. "
I didn't say anything; I bit my tongue and nodded, knowing that it was true. I hated the fact he was right, I hated the fact I was going to have to learn to fit in. I hated everything about it, except one thing, the blue eyes that were watching me to see if I was just agreeing so he would back of or if I really meant it. I knew why he was the leader. He had that ability to command people's attention without even trying. He could inspire them to do what ever he really wanted. He would have made a great king, tough, strong, compassionate, and charismatic. His newsies followed him out of respect and awe, but even the most charismatic man could fall. Even the greatest kings had been over thrown and I felt the fear of what I could see happening if he did have to keep protecting me from myself.
"On top of everythin, I can't concentrate on what I need to concentrate on. My birdies are tellin me that that attack on ya a few weeks ago was planned. Ox was in that alley that night and ya weren't supposed to live through it. I need to be able to figure out what then next move is. The only thing I've been able to get done these past few weeks is convince Lucky to kick Ox outta the Bronx LH."
Again I nodded, feeling ashamed that he was trying to protect my life and I was blatantly ignoring the social standards of this time making things more difficult for him. I could have kept a closer watch on what I was doing, but I hadn't. I knew the rules, I knew how I should be acting, but I didn't. Even if the stakes weren't so high, the fact I had allowed him to get into the fights he had made me feel ashamed. It had never occurred to me that I had the power to stop it.
I looked closely at him noticing the bruises that were starting to fade and some that were new. One graced his jaw, another his cheek, one was fading from around on eye. Gently I touched the bruise on his cheek, and shook my head wanting to cry at the pain I had unintentionally inflicted upon him.
"I'm sorry." I whispered again. I looked away not wanting him to see the battle I was fighting inside of myself. His hand covered mine as he turned his face and kissed my hand. His other hand brushed my hair from my face and the look on his face was soft as he stood and helped me to my feet. This was the Spot few say again; this was Michael, the man not the myth. I wondered how many girls he had allowed to see this side so he could take advantage of its effect. I wondered if he knew its effect.
"I've gotta finish talkin with Jack." He told me. "Just help me out a little here and try to behave yaself."
I nodded before venturing out the window and up to the roof where I stayed long past lights out.
"Whatta ya gonna do with her Spot?" I heard a voice say floating up to me on the breeze that had turned from cool to down right chilly. I shivered and sighed knowing that I would have to wait until Glimmer and Spot went back inside before sneaking down to my room.
" I don't know Bri, I hope I managed to get it through her thick head today." Spot replied as he lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing. " She reminds me of Ma. Ma and that Irish temper of hers, matched her red hair. "
Glimmer laughed as if she too was remembering their mother. I peeked over the edge of the roof at the two siblings that stood side by side.
"Do ya think she would be disappointed in me?" Glimmer asked looking down at her attire. "Cause I ain't the proper lady?"
"Na," Spot told her wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a comforting gesture. "She loved ya Bri and if there is anyone to fault with the way ya act it's mine. I shoulda tried to teach ya to be a girl, but there weren't no girls around and I don't understand them so well sometimes. I raised ya the best I knew how and I shoulda done better by ya."
"Ya did the best ya could." Glimmer said gently. "At least I ain't a Sarah."
"Yeah I guess I coulda done worse." Spot chuckled. I watched as they hugged tears coming to my eyes as I felt a tinge of jealousy. I knew that Spot and Glimmer were close. They depended on each other, kept a watch out for each other, and loved each other. My brother and sister I was a stranger to, unable by the different mothers that separated us to be close. I closed my eyes as I thought about the jealousy that had often gripped me when watching them with their mother, the same jealousy that was gripping me now. I wanted so much to belong to someone, yet I was so afraid to. Afraid they'd leave; they'd die and leave another gaping hole where my heart should have been. My heart was still attempting to mend the gaping holes left from my mothers death, which is part of what made me so cautious about loving Spot. There were too many improbables and too many ways I could get hurt, but the heart unfortunately won't listen to the sage advice of the mind.
"Do ya love her Michael?" she asked so softly I almost didn't catch it.
" I don't know." He replied "Love ain't somethin I'm ready for. I ain't ready to give up bein a newsie and grow up like that yet."
"She loves you." Glimmer informed him, I felt my heart clench and wished for a pot I could throw down on her head right now. I didn't know how she had figured it out, then again I didn't know how Mush and Blink had figured out I was interested. Where had that ability to hide all of my emotions gotten off to? Since when had I become an open book?
"What makes ya say that?" Spot's question was said slowly as he looked at his sister curiously.
"I can see it." Glimmer responded. " It's in the way she looks at ya. She ain't like the other girls ya toyed with Spot. I don't think she's gonna give ya what ya want. I know ya can be pretty persuasive, and if she does, she ain't gonna stand for bein thrown to the side. Promise me ya won't hurt her."
"I ain't gonna hurt her." Spot promised, they stood together for a little while longer, Glimmer curled up in his arms, reminding me of the little girl she must have been only a few years ago.
"Come on little sister, let's go in." Spot urged, she nodded sleepily and crawled into the bunkroom window as ours was stuck and hadn't been fixed yet. I waited until I knew it was clear before descending the stairs and crawling into the bunkroom myself. I cursed as I stumbled into the person who was waiting in the shadows for me.
"What are you doing?" I hissed as familiar arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into his room. I didn't struggle, that would have made too much noise and the last thing I wanted was to wake any of the sleeping boys. I wanted to just as a matter of principal, however if any of them saw me being pulled into Spot's room what was left of my reputation would be entirely shot.
"I figured you were still up there." Spot told me as he released me. The moonlight shone in the window lighting his features in an odd canvas of shadows and light. "So was she right?"
"What are you talking about?" I responded stubbornly not sure I wanted him to know yet. I after all had only just started to come to terms with my emotions. "What are you a caveman? You just can't go around grabbing innocent girls and dragging them back to your cave to ravish until they can't walk."
"Don't tempt me." Spot chuckled " I may just have to drag ya around by ya hair for a little while until ya see reason.
I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it, when he got going he could be pretty amusing himself. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he ran a finger down the side of my neck.
"Ya know what I'm talkin about I saw ya peekin over the roof watchin us." His face was serious now as he said those words. I cursed silently that I couldn't read his face in this light and I shook my head.
"I don't know what I'm feeling." I sighed; he nodded giving me his signature smirk as he did. A smirk that no longer had the power to irritate me, but I found I actually had come to like it. We both knew my answer had been an evasion of telling him what I didn't want to admit to him.
I didn't protest when he pulled me to him, I didn't protest as he kissed me. I didn't protest as I found myself falling back onto the bed, with his arms around me I felt safe. Blame it on the moonlight, blame it on my haywire emotions, but my mind was filled only with Spot and the feelings he could invoke with a smile or a light, innocent caress of his hand. I felt his kisses on my throat and did not stop him as he edged lower. Just as I knew there would be no turning back he stopped.
"What's wrong?" I whispered confusion plain on my face; I couldn't read the expression on his face though the moonlight fell full on it. There was something soft, something that I couldn't place.
"I ain't gonna do this." He told me as he stood and moved back into the shadows. "I can't do this. You wouldn't want me to."
"I understand." I said softly as I stood and straightened my clothes. I started for the door, not sure whether to be relieved or upset. He grabbed my wrist and whirled me back into his arms. His lips were on mine driving all thoughts from my mind once more when he raised his head I felt as if I was drunk. My head was spinning and light.
"I don't." he said quietly as he pushed me toward the door and looked out the window, his breathing uneven, his body tense. I knew what it would do to him to leave him tonight. "Normally I woulda taken that opening ya just gave me. I don't know why I'm not going to, but I'm not."
"Go." The word was an order that would have made even the toughest of his boys do as he commanded. Yet I couldn't as looked at him, his eyes flashing even in this light seeming to be chips of ice, looking at me from the shadows like a predator who was contemplating jumping on it's prey before it could run away. I didn't want to run as I stood there my eyes trapped by his. "Go before I loose my control and I treat ya like the girls before ya."
I hesitated wanting to help him, yet not wanting to forget the personal promises I had made to myself. I was torn, he had the power, and he knew it. He could take the iron that was my will and melt it right now with the heat of his gaze and his burning kisses. He took my arm and pushed me out the door of his room, shutting it firmly behind him. I heard his head thump against the door as he hit it against it. I waited for a moment unsure of what to do; finally I turned to walk away. I heard the door open as I got halfway across the bunkroom, but it was too late my senses had come reeling back telling me what an idiot I had been. I heard his sigh and heard the door shut again.
I walked silently to my room and shut the door the emotions flying around inside me. I knew he could have had what he wanted, but he hadn't taken it. It was a confusing and perplexing thought. I mulled it over as I got ready for bed, Glimmer already asleep her breathing even and deep.
"He's a good boy underneath." She said startling me as I changed into my nightgown.
"I know." I murmured as I lay down. " I know."
"Just like you're a good girl." She whispered so softly I wasn't sure she had actually said it.
Okay the whole modesty issue has been beaten to death now and I promise I will move on! I think I got my point across; I had to find some way for it to really be driven home in her mind. I wanted her to realize it as normal people would. We see things, but we don't always react to them. The full effect doesn't always sink in on our actions. I hope it was still enjoyable.
Getcha: I am very glad you are enjoying my little story! Let me know how this one went.
Fearless: I'll think about it when I'm searching for a new character. You'll have to be patient, I am at the mercy of the muses. E-mail me the info for the mailing list. Thank you !
Falco my favorite Lazy Bum: Hey hon, glad you loved it! He is kind of sexy isn't he? There is this power I am trying to convey that I am not sure I am getting across. Well at least you love him. I thought comparing Spot to the alpha male was perfect. When the idea hit me over the head like a ton of bricks I almost danced in excitement.
Chelci: Here you go babe, another Kodak moment with Glimmer. Hoped you liked it. You even got to snuggle.
Indy: Hey I'm glad you think my characters are believable, I was trying for that. It is really nice to know that you don't think this is another Mary Sue! I really didn't want Cameo to be one, I wanted you to able to relate to her. She's not perfect, oh no, she's far from it, but she is very entertaining in her antics!
JP: Hey it was so nice to talk to you again! I missed you (sends virtual hugs and smooches). I'm sorry you've been sick and I hope everything is going well with the job. I can't wait for the next chapter, you may not be too thrilled with it, but I am! Write more soon. Yea! It's not sappy (does a happy dance)! I like what I write, but that doesn't mean I'm good.
Rumor: No writer's block. Bad, (hiss) bad! Okay I love your reviews! I can't wait for the next one....I hope. I haven't had writers block, just a lack of computer and a nasty cold. They seem to be going around right now. It's nice to have another history buff! Did you know there was one woman in the suffragettes that the president backed until she learned of her beliefs on free love. Imagine free love in the turn of the century. She was the original hippie, he, he, he. I'm writing as fast as I can so I can keep you and the muses happy. The Renaissance Festival is a blast as long as you aren't working there. I wasn't kidding about the director. She's never acted a day in her life started out picking up trash. We're wondering how a person who has no real acting experience is directing actors. Oh well the Ren Faire, a constant perplexing place. Still it is a blast. I'm glad you see her as complicated I really wanted Cameo to be a multidimensional character. Glad you loved it. Thank you!
Ali: Ah, my favorite hopeless romantic, this chapter's for you. Hope it has the elements you love. Thank you for your praise, it keeps me wanting to write more! I'm glad you loved the alpha male thing it really amused me!
Ursula: Not bored with the praise at all, who doesn't love to be praised? As for the encouragement on your story! WRITE MORE! I'm glad I am accomplishing my goal in not having Cameo adjust immediately. I know that the culture shock of such a thing might fell a person who is not as hardy as my Cameo. She's a pistol and I love it.
Dreamer: He is a wolf isn't he? I was watching the movie the other night and there is something powerful about that gaze, reminded me of a wolf. He he he, I love my muses, though I'm a little disappointed in them today, I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but oh well. As for your characters, you are just now starting to develop them. It will come!