I couldn't keep still, I paced the bunkroom like a cadged animal, blinking
back tears and trying to figure out what I was going to do. There was no
way I was going to let them hurt Mimic, but I didn't know for sure if he
was even still alive. This was real life, and unfortunately in real life
the bad guy didn't play by the rules. Which meant there was a very real
possibility he was dead. I had to face that thought because this could
just be a way to trap and kill me too. I hated thinking l like that, but I
refused to think any other way than harshly. I refused to hope for the
best, because I had learned long ago that the best rarely happened. This
was the realist and the cynic; it was the only way that I could allow
myself to think. If there were anyway to get both Mimic and I out of this
alive and unhurt I would have to keep thinking like this. Though it made
me want to tear my hair out in frustration.
I halfway listened to the conversation between Jack and Spot, the most trusted newsies of each sat listening intently some looking to me from time to time as I continued to pace. Some like Mush and Blink kept giving me looks that were meant to calm and to comfort me. I wasn't comforted; I wanted to be sick, funny how that is never mentioned that in movies and stories, they never show the real emotions. The nausea that haunted me made me want to lie down. The pounding in my head was on it's way to being the biggest stress migraine I had ever had, but every time I tried to lay down I found myself back on my feet walking circles while my mind blindly searched for answers. My heart was in my throat, which burned from tears of rage, frustration, and fear that I was refusing to shed. I felt like a guitar string that had been stretched too tight, I was ready to snap and I battled with control.
I wanted to hurt something or someone, preferably Ox, but anyone would do right now. I wanted to attack anything and everything. Finally I settled for pounding the wall in frustration until one of Spots boys stood and pulled me away from it. I kicked at it in irritation then swing at him, which he sidestepped and glared at me.
"Don't push me girly." He warned as I took another swing. Fighting would take my mind from my present circumstances. I welcomed the rush of adrenaline as I ignored his words and swung again. I didn't care that he was a hulking brute of a man with a frighteningly intimidating aura about him. I didn't care that he could hold me down with one hand and beat me senseless if he wanted to, I hoped he would then I wouldn't be awake to contemplate this anymore. He effortlessly evaded my next punch catching my wrists and pushing me back against the wall. His eyes gleamed with understanding, but his body language was telling me to back off.
"Rock." Spot snapped, not even looking up at us." Let her go. Cameo sit your ass down. Or I'll let Rock sit on ya."
"Are you going to make me sit oh fearless leader?" I asked sweetly batting my eyelashes comically at him.
"I'll sit on you, now do it." he growled slamming both hands on the table and standing. I ignored him and brushed past Rock to the door, which Mush blocked. I glared at him and tried to push him out of the way, but he wouldn't budge.
"Can you get the hell out of my way, I need to go for a walk." I cried in frustration. I was going to cry; I knew it and I didn't want them to see me. I couldn't take my emotions out in a violent way then I would take the only outlet left no matter whether I wanted to or not. I wouldn't be able to control it and I didn't want to do it here. My best hope was to get out before I entirely broke down.
"If ya think I'm gonna to let you go out and wonder around like ya did in Manhattan then ya crazy." Mush told me firmly.
"I am crazy remember, absolutely certifiable." I replied "Remember you have all thought I was crazy since I came to New York. Absolutely batty, touched, not right in the head, loony, daft, a few crackers short of a box, a few fries short of a happy meal. Okay we got it, so get out of my way. "
"No." Mush said in a final sounding tone. I raised my fist wanting to swing at him, but the look in his eyes stopped me. The sadness and the worry could almost make you drown so instead I turned on my heel toward the window, which was immediately blocked by Race. I closed my eyes praying for patience and some control, but could not help stomping my foot and making a childish noise that sounded an awful lot like a child that was ready to throw a temper tantrum.
"Will you just let me go?" I shrieked wildly, I was slipping, it was getting harder and harder to keep a tight reign. Voices whispered in my head chasing each other in circles. The little voices that kept telling me it was entirely my fault, that I had brought Mimic's fate when I had allowed him to get close. The voice that made me want to do rash things to stop it from continuing the litany I heard over and over again. Voices that fed on my darkest fears and pushed the hurt I tried to hide forward, making everything worse, bringing thoughts that made me want to scream. Voices I couldn't deny, it was my fault.
"Instead of lettin ya walk out there we may as well just kill ya here." Spot told me; I whirled to face him, the look on my face bringing worry into his eyes. It was subtle something only Glimmer and I probably would have noticed. I glanced at her; she looked between us, caught between worry for Spot, Mimic, and me.
"Good then you'll save Ox the trouble and maybe he'll let Mimic go." I responded bitterly. "It isn't as if I've done anything other than bring you problems."
"Will ya stop feelin sorry for yaself and sit down?" Spot snapped, "I ain't gonna let you die, it just ain't gonna happen."
I opened my mouth to retort, but was cut off by the two boys that had made a rather sudden appearance in the doorway. Mush stepped out of the way and then returned to his post as he saw me moving toward them. Though I wasn't interested in the door right then I was interested in the two boys, Shadow and Ghost, Spot's best spies. They had been tracked down immediately and sent out in search of Mimic's whereabouts. If there was anyway to find him Shadow and Ghost would. A ray of hope cast it's light through the gloom that surrounded me as I realized they both looked tired, but triumphant.
"We found 'em." Ghost said in the quiet murmuring voice he had been named for. He sounded like a ghost whispering on the wind if you weren't paying attention.
"He's beat up pretty good, but he's alive." Shadow told us, I felt my knees give out at that news; they connected with a painful thump. I didn't even register the pain that shot up my legs I was to busy thanking God he was alive, I prayed he would stay that way.
"I wanna know all the details." Spot ordered as the boys made their way past me to their leader. "Anythin and everythin ya can remember. Where he is, how many people Ox has and any way into where they're holdin him."
I watched him as he listened intently to what the boys were relating to him. I had to admit they were the best for a reason, not only were they incredibly good at getting information without being noticed, they had incredibly photographic memories.
I didn't know how he remained so calm. As soon as I had read the note he had gone dead still, while Blink and Mush cried in outrage. Brooklyn had started murmuring amongst each other and Jack had just waited. I had just stared blankly at the note for a moment, then the panic had hit. Then had begun the gasping, the spinning head, and the black spots that had caused Mush to grab my arm in worry keeping me from sinking to the ground. I looked up at Spot who in the middle of all this chaos was calm, his face expressionless as it did only when he was hit with two particular emotions, rage or pain. Those cool eyes had burned with the cold fire of a blue flame as they met mine and suddenly he came to life, quieting the boys, sending Ghost and Shadow on their mission, sending a runner to Manhattan for the rest of Jack's best boys, telling one of his most trusted to go find Glimmer, and sending the other boys off. I had followed him numbly up the stairs into the bunkroom, where I had begun pacing and he had begun planning.
His face had remained emotionless, as he had talked with Jack each trying to come up with a battle plan. The plans had continued making me more and more nervous as they tried to plan for the worse.
I still did not know how he did it, I supposed he was forced to learn to react as he did. I was a woman, I was allowed and expected outbursts of emotion, but he was a man. While his temper could be possibly the most volatile I had ever witnessed he could not afford the emotions I could. My temper was the anger of a woman and though mine could be pretty violent I still did not have in me the violence of a man.
My first reaction when I became this angry was to cry. It was always my first reaction; men's first reactions were violence. Right now crying was the only outlet I had to the emotions I had no control of and no way to appease. For a man like Spot there would be no tears to release the emotions he did not know what else to do with, no there would be violent burst, for using his fists was his only outlet and right now he couldn't afford it.
My mind mulled over the differences thankful for a subject I could ponder that would not leave me near vomiting with worry. Men were raised to be manly men and anything less was not acceptable to society. There were no men who were "sensitive", sensitivity was for the weak and there could be no weakness in men.
While women were cast into the roles of the weak and defenseless, it left men in to positions to be the sole protector. They were taught they had to hold very lives of those who depended on them in their hands. They had to be strong, manly, tough, and there could be no fear. All those words you have heard told to boys in movies and stories on what they had to do to be a man was real here. It was rules they learned in order to live up to the role they were cast into. It was not just words spoken by an insensitive father; no it was a way of life. If they did not learn to live by this way of life then they were outcasts and if you grew up in the class Spot had, you died. While women's roles were unfair, a man's seemed even more unfair. The more I thought about it the more I realized it. We fought with double standards, we fought with being meek and sweet; they fought with having to be Superman.
I did not truly know what Spot's feelings toward me were, there were too many variables in what he had said, but I knew that if I were killed or if Mimic were killed he would blame himself. As far as he was concerned it was his responsibility to take care of me. With me came Mimic and I knew he would lay down his life to protect what he considered his. I knew that he considered me his even if only for a little while, as of right now. I wondered if he fought the same battles within himself, the urge to run, to hide, to forget this ever had happened. Fought with that little voice that made its unwelcome return.
The voice that told me of my worthlessness, that told me of the pain and anguish I brought to all those I had allowed close to me. The pain I saw in my father's eyes when he looked at me, the look that told me in some small way he still blamed me. The pain I had seen in my mothers face after the accident, the accident that had occurred because we had fought. The one and only real fight I had ever had with my mother and she had gone for a drive to cool off. Now Mimic, it whispered, a small defenseless child that looked to you. His only crime was that he knew you and that you let him become close to you.
"Well, boys we gotta act fast, he's alive, but I don't know how long he's gonna stay that way." I heard Spot's voice say and I welcomed his words as they took my attention away from the self-damnation I was fighting. "and I don't know what they're gonna do with him between the time we get there and when you found him. We move early tomorrow morning before the sun comes up. Ghost, Shadow, ya gonna show me and Jacky where he is then ya gonna stay there. If anything changes I want ya to come back here and get me right away. How's the kid lookin do ya think he can make it through tonight? "
"He's pretty bruised, maybe a broken leg, he wasn't really walkin kind of lettin his right leg drag. Other than that we couldn't get close enough to tell." Ghost said looking at me worriedly as he did. " I think he'll be okay tonight, but me and Shadow will stay with him like ya said and let ya know."
I tried not to let my imagination picture it for me, but it did anyway. Images flashed through my mind of how I had last seen Mimic, of how happy he had been; of that smile that would bring a smile to your face in response because of it's sweet joy. Of him following the boys he looked up to around and irritating them. Of his laziness in the mornings and the way he had curled up to me in his sleep like a child to his mother. He had trusted me to take care of him and I had failed him.
From that first night I had held him in my arms and chased away the nightmares left by his scared past he had been mine. I hadn't wanted it, but I had needed it. I had needed the unconditionally love I had only just begun to realize he had given. I had only begun to realize what gift I had been given in this child who thought the world of me. Who didn't care what anyone else thought, who wanted to be near me because I had shown him an ounce of affection. I wished I had been there for him more, I wished I hadn't been so wrapped up in my life that I hadn't made enough room for his. I wished I had insisted he remain in Brooklyn with me, but I had been too worried about how to deal with Spot to care. I wished I hadn't been so selfish, but hindsight is 20/20 while foresight is blind. I hadn't and all the wishing in the world would not bring Mimic back to my side. I could only wish that we brought him home safely.
Images of what could had happened or what could have happened flooded my mind. I felt the fear, I felt the sorrow, I felt the anger, I felt what he must be or must have felt. I felt the sob that welled up in my throat, that I couldn't stop from escaping my lips. I hadn't wanted to cry, I tried not to cry. The tears came like a sudden rainstorm and I wondered at the moisture ran down my face. At first I didn't even realize the cry of rage and pain that echoed through the room was mine.
Spot was on his feet as I struggled to control the sobs that wracked my body, that were so intense no more noise came out, only the shaking of my whole body. I couldn't I was losing, the pity I saw on the others faces made me turn, made me try to run. Yet Spot was there, his strong arms circling me as they had his sister, comforting, as I didn't know he had the power to. He didn't say a word, only held me his chin wresting in my head as he sat on the closest bunk, a gentle hand caressing my back. I tried to pull away, but he swept his arm under my legs and stood. I knew looking into his eyes the humiliation I felt at having broken down like this in front of everyone was all over my face. He said nothing only carried me to his room and shut the door. He held me and I let him soaking the front of his shirt with tears I hadn't even shed when my mother had died.
"We'll get him back." I heard him promise as he stroked my hair comfortingly. He continued to whisper comforting words as I continued to cry. Finally I got myself under control, my body limp with exhaustion, my head pounding at the strength of the emotions I had released without having known they had been bottled up inside. He continued to hold me as the sobs quieted and the tears slowed. Until only soft gasps of breath that follow a particularly strong bought of crying came and the tears stopped all together. I had closed my eyes and he thought me asleep as he kissed my forehead gently. I felt him shift and lay me back on his bed; I felt too spent to disabuse him of the notion I was not awake. He wiped away the tears before standing and opening the door. I let my eyes open to mere slits that unless you were close you would not know I was awake. Glimmer stood just outside worry painted on her face. Her eyes darted to me as he spoke quietly to her and she nodded before stepping past him and into the room.
"Keep a close eye on her." Spot told her. "I'll be back soon."
"I will." Glimmer promised and sat next to me. I watched as he disappeared from view though I could hear the commands he was giving, as they got ready to leave. I did not look at her, she knew I was awake, I could tell in the gentle pat she gave me as she settled back. Instead I stared at the wall and prayed Spot would come back safe.
I felt open completely and it helped me think with a clarity I had not had before. A fierce protectiveness came over me as I lay there; I knew what I had to do. Mimic was mine, mine to protect, mine to love, and mine to take care of. Spot could not do this for me; it was for me to get him out. I knew in my heart that it was a task I must complete or it would never happen. The thought of dying made me frightened, but it did not dull the burning need to hurt the people that had hurt and probably would continue to hurt Mimic. There would be no waiting until morning, I would get him out tonight with every bargaining chip and resource I had, I would get him back.
Don't mistake me for one of those heroines in a book, I did not want to be a hero. I did not do this for recognition or because I was brave, it was something I had to do. It was my responsibility and I was not one to shirk what I knew needed to be done no matter what the cost was. I knew I might die, I knew I might run when actually faced with this task, but I knew I needed to do this. Mimic had looked to me, I had failed him and now I would set it right.
Silently I waited hoping a brilliant plan would come to me until the boys returned. Spot came into check on my and found me still asleep or so he thought. He whispered to Glimmer to stay with me and left again, I heard the rustling and creaking of the boys getting into their bunks. I knew he was taking Glimmer's room, I had heard him tell her that just before he shut the door. I felt Glimmer lie beside me and waited quietly until I thought she was asleep.
Rising I picked up the razor Spot used to shave made my way quietly to the window. As silent as I had been on any hunt with my father I made my way down the fire escape to the ground below, where I reentered the Lodging House. There were boys in the common room, one of which was Spot I could hear his voice. I did not peek around the corner instead I waited. From the shuffling noised I heard I knew they were playing cards, this was the party Spot had taken with him to find Mimic. I was counting on it as I waited patiently for one to leave the common room for the short entryway that hid me in its shadows.
I knew they would get little sleep tonight as they were too keyed up to sleep. To on the edge at the fight they knew was coming with the rising of the sun. My impatience got the better of me and finally I hit my elbow into the wall hoping Spot would send only one to check out what the noise had been. Praying that it would not be Spot himself, they all went silent and looked at each other. Finally after a breathless moment Spot nodded to one of his smaller boys to go check it out. I smiled as he walked around the corner and grabbed him easily the blade going to his throat. He was stronger, but I could inflict damage before he could ever over power me.
"Move outside." I whispered and he started to walk. Once finally outside with the door shut I spoke a little louder. "Did you go with Spot to where they are holding the kid?"
He nodded mutely and I thanked my lucky stars.
"You're gonna take me there." I told him as he tried to twist, I tightened my hold on him. " Look we both know you're stronger, but I guarantee I'm smarter and faster. Take me where I want to go and then you can come back here. Think of it you'll get rid of me and keep your leader out of this."
He stilled as I said the last bit and I released him. I had recognized him as one of the boys who did not particularly like me and had played on it.
"Ya think Spot's not gonna kill me when he figures it out?" he asked.
"I'll kill you now if you don't what do you think is the better option?" I asked. " You may over power me now, but I'll get you later."
"If ya wanta commit suicide who am I to stop ya?" he shrugged figuring it best to face Spot's wrath later than the wrath of me the crazy lady.
"Good boy, now move." I ordered as I heard Glimmers frantic yelling coming from the House. I pushed him down the stairs leading up to the Lodging House and together we broke into a run. we managed to get far enough ahead that Spot would not be able to follow. I looked back just as Spot came flying out of the Lodging House. We had gotten a good head start and I could see Spot throw up his hands in frustration. I saw him turn back to the House issuing orders as he did.
I had just blown whatever plans he had to hell and he wasn't about to come chasing after me without at least some kind of plan. I knew it, I felt my legs shaking as I forced them to run. I was in deep, but I couldn't turn back now. I had made my choice and I would stick by it. I prayed Spot would try to understand before he killed me, that is if Ox didn't beat him to it. I tried to prepare myself as we stopped running, but continued along at a steady pace. I would have to fight this like I did my rapier fights. I did not have strength therefore I would have to fight with agility and rapid thinking. I was going to have to out think my opponent and hope that I could get Mimic away before Ox even knew what had happened. Yet the sinking feeling that was in my stomach told me my intuition didn't think that was going to happen.
Falco: He he, poor Spotty boy she just really threw him for a loop. Uh oh, I can't wait to write that show down. I updated so that means more waffles! Yay for me!
Cards: Ohhh, but I want you to write more. I was so excited to see another chapter of World Pizza up today! I'm so glad you like this story! Thank you for the compliments.
Ali: Wow fencing! It is a little different, since fencing had become more a sport than an actual fight, but it still has the same elements. Cool! It's nice to know I'm not the only weirdo that loves to learn a perfectly useless sport. Or so I have heard it called, though it's quite a work out. Ox is an ass, I'll agree! Here's more for your French teacher to shake her head about!
Big Bad Wolf/Grandma (AKA Rumor): You're not too crazy at all! Come on look at how I spend my time and tell me about crazy! Okay I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! You're evil you know that, crack that whip slave master....hey that just gave me an idea. You'll have to read the next chapter or maybe the one after that to see the idea you just gave me. I hope my work doesn't start to suck, but if it does feel free to let me know and I will try my best to correct it.
Spider Chick: Yes, he's an arrogant prick, but at the same time isn't that why we all love him? You asked for more, well you got it. I just hope it wasn't one of those you need to be careful what you wish for moments. I hope you enjoy.
My dear Chelci: Uh oh! I don't think you will be thinking about Skittery for too long right now... or maybe he will just have to comfort you!
Raider: If you have managed to get through all the chapters to see your shout out congrats. I hope it was at the very least an interesting trip. Thank you I am very glad you like it. (Does the new reader reviewed happy dance) As for Lucky give me info.
Galaxy: You reviewed again I had been afraid I had lost you! I think Mimic is going to live, he keeps giving me these cute puppy dog eyes and I'm afraid I just don't have the heart to get rid of such a cute kid. Now all you have to worry about is Cameo.
Hotshot: (Another new reader reviewed happy dance ensues) Well she kind of has her hands full with jerko that is going to take her to Mimic. We all know though Spot doesn't take well to be being defied. Ooops, Cameo is of course oh so repentant. Hell is what we were put on earth to give guys keep up the good work! Cameo salutes you!
J.P: Yay, you are alive! I was beginning to worry. I'm so sorry you are sick, but here is another chapter to cheer you up. If I don't get another chapter from you soon though I'm afraid my muses will go on strike! We don't want that to happen now do we brain mate? Talk to you soon I hope!
LOVE YOU ALL!
Raeghann
I halfway listened to the conversation between Jack and Spot, the most trusted newsies of each sat listening intently some looking to me from time to time as I continued to pace. Some like Mush and Blink kept giving me looks that were meant to calm and to comfort me. I wasn't comforted; I wanted to be sick, funny how that is never mentioned that in movies and stories, they never show the real emotions. The nausea that haunted me made me want to lie down. The pounding in my head was on it's way to being the biggest stress migraine I had ever had, but every time I tried to lay down I found myself back on my feet walking circles while my mind blindly searched for answers. My heart was in my throat, which burned from tears of rage, frustration, and fear that I was refusing to shed. I felt like a guitar string that had been stretched too tight, I was ready to snap and I battled with control.
I wanted to hurt something or someone, preferably Ox, but anyone would do right now. I wanted to attack anything and everything. Finally I settled for pounding the wall in frustration until one of Spots boys stood and pulled me away from it. I kicked at it in irritation then swing at him, which he sidestepped and glared at me.
"Don't push me girly." He warned as I took another swing. Fighting would take my mind from my present circumstances. I welcomed the rush of adrenaline as I ignored his words and swung again. I didn't care that he was a hulking brute of a man with a frighteningly intimidating aura about him. I didn't care that he could hold me down with one hand and beat me senseless if he wanted to, I hoped he would then I wouldn't be awake to contemplate this anymore. He effortlessly evaded my next punch catching my wrists and pushing me back against the wall. His eyes gleamed with understanding, but his body language was telling me to back off.
"Rock." Spot snapped, not even looking up at us." Let her go. Cameo sit your ass down. Or I'll let Rock sit on ya."
"Are you going to make me sit oh fearless leader?" I asked sweetly batting my eyelashes comically at him.
"I'll sit on you, now do it." he growled slamming both hands on the table and standing. I ignored him and brushed past Rock to the door, which Mush blocked. I glared at him and tried to push him out of the way, but he wouldn't budge.
"Can you get the hell out of my way, I need to go for a walk." I cried in frustration. I was going to cry; I knew it and I didn't want them to see me. I couldn't take my emotions out in a violent way then I would take the only outlet left no matter whether I wanted to or not. I wouldn't be able to control it and I didn't want to do it here. My best hope was to get out before I entirely broke down.
"If ya think I'm gonna to let you go out and wonder around like ya did in Manhattan then ya crazy." Mush told me firmly.
"I am crazy remember, absolutely certifiable." I replied "Remember you have all thought I was crazy since I came to New York. Absolutely batty, touched, not right in the head, loony, daft, a few crackers short of a box, a few fries short of a happy meal. Okay we got it, so get out of my way. "
"No." Mush said in a final sounding tone. I raised my fist wanting to swing at him, but the look in his eyes stopped me. The sadness and the worry could almost make you drown so instead I turned on my heel toward the window, which was immediately blocked by Race. I closed my eyes praying for patience and some control, but could not help stomping my foot and making a childish noise that sounded an awful lot like a child that was ready to throw a temper tantrum.
"Will you just let me go?" I shrieked wildly, I was slipping, it was getting harder and harder to keep a tight reign. Voices whispered in my head chasing each other in circles. The little voices that kept telling me it was entirely my fault, that I had brought Mimic's fate when I had allowed him to get close. The voice that made me want to do rash things to stop it from continuing the litany I heard over and over again. Voices that fed on my darkest fears and pushed the hurt I tried to hide forward, making everything worse, bringing thoughts that made me want to scream. Voices I couldn't deny, it was my fault.
"Instead of lettin ya walk out there we may as well just kill ya here." Spot told me; I whirled to face him, the look on my face bringing worry into his eyes. It was subtle something only Glimmer and I probably would have noticed. I glanced at her; she looked between us, caught between worry for Spot, Mimic, and me.
"Good then you'll save Ox the trouble and maybe he'll let Mimic go." I responded bitterly. "It isn't as if I've done anything other than bring you problems."
"Will ya stop feelin sorry for yaself and sit down?" Spot snapped, "I ain't gonna let you die, it just ain't gonna happen."
I opened my mouth to retort, but was cut off by the two boys that had made a rather sudden appearance in the doorway. Mush stepped out of the way and then returned to his post as he saw me moving toward them. Though I wasn't interested in the door right then I was interested in the two boys, Shadow and Ghost, Spot's best spies. They had been tracked down immediately and sent out in search of Mimic's whereabouts. If there was anyway to find him Shadow and Ghost would. A ray of hope cast it's light through the gloom that surrounded me as I realized they both looked tired, but triumphant.
"We found 'em." Ghost said in the quiet murmuring voice he had been named for. He sounded like a ghost whispering on the wind if you weren't paying attention.
"He's beat up pretty good, but he's alive." Shadow told us, I felt my knees give out at that news; they connected with a painful thump. I didn't even register the pain that shot up my legs I was to busy thanking God he was alive, I prayed he would stay that way.
"I wanna know all the details." Spot ordered as the boys made their way past me to their leader. "Anythin and everythin ya can remember. Where he is, how many people Ox has and any way into where they're holdin him."
I watched him as he listened intently to what the boys were relating to him. I had to admit they were the best for a reason, not only were they incredibly good at getting information without being noticed, they had incredibly photographic memories.
I didn't know how he remained so calm. As soon as I had read the note he had gone dead still, while Blink and Mush cried in outrage. Brooklyn had started murmuring amongst each other and Jack had just waited. I had just stared blankly at the note for a moment, then the panic had hit. Then had begun the gasping, the spinning head, and the black spots that had caused Mush to grab my arm in worry keeping me from sinking to the ground. I looked up at Spot who in the middle of all this chaos was calm, his face expressionless as it did only when he was hit with two particular emotions, rage or pain. Those cool eyes had burned with the cold fire of a blue flame as they met mine and suddenly he came to life, quieting the boys, sending Ghost and Shadow on their mission, sending a runner to Manhattan for the rest of Jack's best boys, telling one of his most trusted to go find Glimmer, and sending the other boys off. I had followed him numbly up the stairs into the bunkroom, where I had begun pacing and he had begun planning.
His face had remained emotionless, as he had talked with Jack each trying to come up with a battle plan. The plans had continued making me more and more nervous as they tried to plan for the worse.
I still did not know how he did it, I supposed he was forced to learn to react as he did. I was a woman, I was allowed and expected outbursts of emotion, but he was a man. While his temper could be possibly the most volatile I had ever witnessed he could not afford the emotions I could. My temper was the anger of a woman and though mine could be pretty violent I still did not have in me the violence of a man.
My first reaction when I became this angry was to cry. It was always my first reaction; men's first reactions were violence. Right now crying was the only outlet I had to the emotions I had no control of and no way to appease. For a man like Spot there would be no tears to release the emotions he did not know what else to do with, no there would be violent burst, for using his fists was his only outlet and right now he couldn't afford it.
My mind mulled over the differences thankful for a subject I could ponder that would not leave me near vomiting with worry. Men were raised to be manly men and anything less was not acceptable to society. There were no men who were "sensitive", sensitivity was for the weak and there could be no weakness in men.
While women were cast into the roles of the weak and defenseless, it left men in to positions to be the sole protector. They were taught they had to hold very lives of those who depended on them in their hands. They had to be strong, manly, tough, and there could be no fear. All those words you have heard told to boys in movies and stories on what they had to do to be a man was real here. It was rules they learned in order to live up to the role they were cast into. It was not just words spoken by an insensitive father; no it was a way of life. If they did not learn to live by this way of life then they were outcasts and if you grew up in the class Spot had, you died. While women's roles were unfair, a man's seemed even more unfair. The more I thought about it the more I realized it. We fought with double standards, we fought with being meek and sweet; they fought with having to be Superman.
I did not truly know what Spot's feelings toward me were, there were too many variables in what he had said, but I knew that if I were killed or if Mimic were killed he would blame himself. As far as he was concerned it was his responsibility to take care of me. With me came Mimic and I knew he would lay down his life to protect what he considered his. I knew that he considered me his even if only for a little while, as of right now. I wondered if he fought the same battles within himself, the urge to run, to hide, to forget this ever had happened. Fought with that little voice that made its unwelcome return.
The voice that told me of my worthlessness, that told me of the pain and anguish I brought to all those I had allowed close to me. The pain I saw in my father's eyes when he looked at me, the look that told me in some small way he still blamed me. The pain I had seen in my mothers face after the accident, the accident that had occurred because we had fought. The one and only real fight I had ever had with my mother and she had gone for a drive to cool off. Now Mimic, it whispered, a small defenseless child that looked to you. His only crime was that he knew you and that you let him become close to you.
"Well, boys we gotta act fast, he's alive, but I don't know how long he's gonna stay that way." I heard Spot's voice say and I welcomed his words as they took my attention away from the self-damnation I was fighting. "and I don't know what they're gonna do with him between the time we get there and when you found him. We move early tomorrow morning before the sun comes up. Ghost, Shadow, ya gonna show me and Jacky where he is then ya gonna stay there. If anything changes I want ya to come back here and get me right away. How's the kid lookin do ya think he can make it through tonight? "
"He's pretty bruised, maybe a broken leg, he wasn't really walkin kind of lettin his right leg drag. Other than that we couldn't get close enough to tell." Ghost said looking at me worriedly as he did. " I think he'll be okay tonight, but me and Shadow will stay with him like ya said and let ya know."
I tried not to let my imagination picture it for me, but it did anyway. Images flashed through my mind of how I had last seen Mimic, of how happy he had been; of that smile that would bring a smile to your face in response because of it's sweet joy. Of him following the boys he looked up to around and irritating them. Of his laziness in the mornings and the way he had curled up to me in his sleep like a child to his mother. He had trusted me to take care of him and I had failed him.
From that first night I had held him in my arms and chased away the nightmares left by his scared past he had been mine. I hadn't wanted it, but I had needed it. I had needed the unconditionally love I had only just begun to realize he had given. I had only begun to realize what gift I had been given in this child who thought the world of me. Who didn't care what anyone else thought, who wanted to be near me because I had shown him an ounce of affection. I wished I had been there for him more, I wished I hadn't been so wrapped up in my life that I hadn't made enough room for his. I wished I had insisted he remain in Brooklyn with me, but I had been too worried about how to deal with Spot to care. I wished I hadn't been so selfish, but hindsight is 20/20 while foresight is blind. I hadn't and all the wishing in the world would not bring Mimic back to my side. I could only wish that we brought him home safely.
Images of what could had happened or what could have happened flooded my mind. I felt the fear, I felt the sorrow, I felt the anger, I felt what he must be or must have felt. I felt the sob that welled up in my throat, that I couldn't stop from escaping my lips. I hadn't wanted to cry, I tried not to cry. The tears came like a sudden rainstorm and I wondered at the moisture ran down my face. At first I didn't even realize the cry of rage and pain that echoed through the room was mine.
Spot was on his feet as I struggled to control the sobs that wracked my body, that were so intense no more noise came out, only the shaking of my whole body. I couldn't I was losing, the pity I saw on the others faces made me turn, made me try to run. Yet Spot was there, his strong arms circling me as they had his sister, comforting, as I didn't know he had the power to. He didn't say a word, only held me his chin wresting in my head as he sat on the closest bunk, a gentle hand caressing my back. I tried to pull away, but he swept his arm under my legs and stood. I knew looking into his eyes the humiliation I felt at having broken down like this in front of everyone was all over my face. He said nothing only carried me to his room and shut the door. He held me and I let him soaking the front of his shirt with tears I hadn't even shed when my mother had died.
"We'll get him back." I heard him promise as he stroked my hair comfortingly. He continued to whisper comforting words as I continued to cry. Finally I got myself under control, my body limp with exhaustion, my head pounding at the strength of the emotions I had released without having known they had been bottled up inside. He continued to hold me as the sobs quieted and the tears slowed. Until only soft gasps of breath that follow a particularly strong bought of crying came and the tears stopped all together. I had closed my eyes and he thought me asleep as he kissed my forehead gently. I felt him shift and lay me back on his bed; I felt too spent to disabuse him of the notion I was not awake. He wiped away the tears before standing and opening the door. I let my eyes open to mere slits that unless you were close you would not know I was awake. Glimmer stood just outside worry painted on her face. Her eyes darted to me as he spoke quietly to her and she nodded before stepping past him and into the room.
"Keep a close eye on her." Spot told her. "I'll be back soon."
"I will." Glimmer promised and sat next to me. I watched as he disappeared from view though I could hear the commands he was giving, as they got ready to leave. I did not look at her, she knew I was awake, I could tell in the gentle pat she gave me as she settled back. Instead I stared at the wall and prayed Spot would come back safe.
I felt open completely and it helped me think with a clarity I had not had before. A fierce protectiveness came over me as I lay there; I knew what I had to do. Mimic was mine, mine to protect, mine to love, and mine to take care of. Spot could not do this for me; it was for me to get him out. I knew in my heart that it was a task I must complete or it would never happen. The thought of dying made me frightened, but it did not dull the burning need to hurt the people that had hurt and probably would continue to hurt Mimic. There would be no waiting until morning, I would get him out tonight with every bargaining chip and resource I had, I would get him back.
Don't mistake me for one of those heroines in a book, I did not want to be a hero. I did not do this for recognition or because I was brave, it was something I had to do. It was my responsibility and I was not one to shirk what I knew needed to be done no matter what the cost was. I knew I might die, I knew I might run when actually faced with this task, but I knew I needed to do this. Mimic had looked to me, I had failed him and now I would set it right.
Silently I waited hoping a brilliant plan would come to me until the boys returned. Spot came into check on my and found me still asleep or so he thought. He whispered to Glimmer to stay with me and left again, I heard the rustling and creaking of the boys getting into their bunks. I knew he was taking Glimmer's room, I had heard him tell her that just before he shut the door. I felt Glimmer lie beside me and waited quietly until I thought she was asleep.
Rising I picked up the razor Spot used to shave made my way quietly to the window. As silent as I had been on any hunt with my father I made my way down the fire escape to the ground below, where I reentered the Lodging House. There were boys in the common room, one of which was Spot I could hear his voice. I did not peek around the corner instead I waited. From the shuffling noised I heard I knew they were playing cards, this was the party Spot had taken with him to find Mimic. I was counting on it as I waited patiently for one to leave the common room for the short entryway that hid me in its shadows.
I knew they would get little sleep tonight as they were too keyed up to sleep. To on the edge at the fight they knew was coming with the rising of the sun. My impatience got the better of me and finally I hit my elbow into the wall hoping Spot would send only one to check out what the noise had been. Praying that it would not be Spot himself, they all went silent and looked at each other. Finally after a breathless moment Spot nodded to one of his smaller boys to go check it out. I smiled as he walked around the corner and grabbed him easily the blade going to his throat. He was stronger, but I could inflict damage before he could ever over power me.
"Move outside." I whispered and he started to walk. Once finally outside with the door shut I spoke a little louder. "Did you go with Spot to where they are holding the kid?"
He nodded mutely and I thanked my lucky stars.
"You're gonna take me there." I told him as he tried to twist, I tightened my hold on him. " Look we both know you're stronger, but I guarantee I'm smarter and faster. Take me where I want to go and then you can come back here. Think of it you'll get rid of me and keep your leader out of this."
He stilled as I said the last bit and I released him. I had recognized him as one of the boys who did not particularly like me and had played on it.
"Ya think Spot's not gonna kill me when he figures it out?" he asked.
"I'll kill you now if you don't what do you think is the better option?" I asked. " You may over power me now, but I'll get you later."
"If ya wanta commit suicide who am I to stop ya?" he shrugged figuring it best to face Spot's wrath later than the wrath of me the crazy lady.
"Good boy, now move." I ordered as I heard Glimmers frantic yelling coming from the House. I pushed him down the stairs leading up to the Lodging House and together we broke into a run. we managed to get far enough ahead that Spot would not be able to follow. I looked back just as Spot came flying out of the Lodging House. We had gotten a good head start and I could see Spot throw up his hands in frustration. I saw him turn back to the House issuing orders as he did.
I had just blown whatever plans he had to hell and he wasn't about to come chasing after me without at least some kind of plan. I knew it, I felt my legs shaking as I forced them to run. I was in deep, but I couldn't turn back now. I had made my choice and I would stick by it. I prayed Spot would try to understand before he killed me, that is if Ox didn't beat him to it. I tried to prepare myself as we stopped running, but continued along at a steady pace. I would have to fight this like I did my rapier fights. I did not have strength therefore I would have to fight with agility and rapid thinking. I was going to have to out think my opponent and hope that I could get Mimic away before Ox even knew what had happened. Yet the sinking feeling that was in my stomach told me my intuition didn't think that was going to happen.
Falco: He he, poor Spotty boy she just really threw him for a loop. Uh oh, I can't wait to write that show down. I updated so that means more waffles! Yay for me!
Cards: Ohhh, but I want you to write more. I was so excited to see another chapter of World Pizza up today! I'm so glad you like this story! Thank you for the compliments.
Ali: Wow fencing! It is a little different, since fencing had become more a sport than an actual fight, but it still has the same elements. Cool! It's nice to know I'm not the only weirdo that loves to learn a perfectly useless sport. Or so I have heard it called, though it's quite a work out. Ox is an ass, I'll agree! Here's more for your French teacher to shake her head about!
Big Bad Wolf/Grandma (AKA Rumor): You're not too crazy at all! Come on look at how I spend my time and tell me about crazy! Okay I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! You're evil you know that, crack that whip slave master....hey that just gave me an idea. You'll have to read the next chapter or maybe the one after that to see the idea you just gave me. I hope my work doesn't start to suck, but if it does feel free to let me know and I will try my best to correct it.
Spider Chick: Yes, he's an arrogant prick, but at the same time isn't that why we all love him? You asked for more, well you got it. I just hope it wasn't one of those you need to be careful what you wish for moments. I hope you enjoy.
My dear Chelci: Uh oh! I don't think you will be thinking about Skittery for too long right now... or maybe he will just have to comfort you!
Raider: If you have managed to get through all the chapters to see your shout out congrats. I hope it was at the very least an interesting trip. Thank you I am very glad you like it. (Does the new reader reviewed happy dance) As for Lucky give me info.
Galaxy: You reviewed again I had been afraid I had lost you! I think Mimic is going to live, he keeps giving me these cute puppy dog eyes and I'm afraid I just don't have the heart to get rid of such a cute kid. Now all you have to worry about is Cameo.
Hotshot: (Another new reader reviewed happy dance ensues) Well she kind of has her hands full with jerko that is going to take her to Mimic. We all know though Spot doesn't take well to be being defied. Ooops, Cameo is of course oh so repentant. Hell is what we were put on earth to give guys keep up the good work! Cameo salutes you!
J.P: Yay, you are alive! I was beginning to worry. I'm so sorry you are sick, but here is another chapter to cheer you up. If I don't get another chapter from you soon though I'm afraid my muses will go on strike! We don't want that to happen now do we brain mate? Talk to you soon I hope!
LOVE YOU ALL!
Raeghann