Notes:

AU fic

Yaoi = BradXSchu (maybe)

[- Ramblings -] = thoughts

My Suicide, My Pain

"Good Morning, sir." The guard greeted me as I entered the glass doors. I smiled at him and proceeded to the hallway, with the employees lining the sides.

"Good Morning, Doctor," my fellow doctor greeted me with a grin on his face. I saluted him, taking off my trench coat and handing it to the lady beside me. A greet came from her thin lips and I greeted her just the same. Another hallway and nearly a hundred greets came to my ear. And a thousand skin contact, mostly from the women… ah of course.

Plus a million random thoughts.

I headed to my office; the last one in the hallway, grinning to my secretary and settling myself to the chair, examining the documents piled on one side of the table. A large mug of coffee was already on my front, steaming hot. I smelled it and prepared to do my morning task: sip my coffee, get done with the paperwork and… harness my telepathy.

Yeah, telepathy. The wonderful, amazing word. The thing that made me so fantastically famous. And may I add, wealthy.

I closed my eyes for a second and placed a temporary wall in my mind, to make the other people's thoughts go distant and unheard. It was hard to use telepathy in this kind of place – too crowded and people think of so many things. Work, wife, husband, children, work, work, work, and work. I get a headache first thing in the morning.

Lucky that I have a loyal secretary who knows all about my thoughts… Simply because I made her as my journal, feeding her with my problems by mental conversation and made her as a secretary extraordinaire. My mug of coffee was already mixed with aspirin. I can tell by the smell.

[- Good morning, Manx. -] I greeted her mentally.

[- Pleasant morning, Schuldig. Finish your coffee for you have lots of patients this afternoon. They've almost risen to a hundred! -] Manx returned happily. I sighed and downed the coffee. Sometimes I think being famous isn't that good. Especially if you have to use your gift to help them recover.

You see, I have a bunch of psychos in my hands.

But I have tons of women right on my fingertips.

I smirked and stared at the documents in front of me. Maybe being famous isn't that bad after all. I sighed once again, and examined the folders one by one. I was quite a quick worker: examine, tap on the keyboard, stamp, and place it on the other side. Probably three minutes per folder.

But I get another headache after that.

God…

Maybe three of four hours passed when I finally stored all the patients' records in the computer. The airconditioner was working fine, but it felt so hot that I tied my orange hair in a low ponytail. I gave the folders to Manx and told her the usual thing before lunch: schedule. She gave me a business look and nodded. She was goddamn efficient! I wonder why she's just a secretary.

[- What time? -] I asked in Manx's mind the hour of my serious work.

[- First patient comes at one o'clock sharp. I have already arranged the folders in your shelf, Mr. Schuldig. -] Manx responded in a monotone. Her thoughts were focused on work. Only work, nothing else.

[- Schuldig, mademoiselle. Forget the mister part. Sucks. -] Manx actually snickered at that, but quickly resumed to scheduling. It was getting pretty busy nowadays, with all the troubled citizens needing therapy. But most of them have shallow and irrelevant problems. They can be cured for just two days… or less.

Suddenly, there was pain in my head. I cradled the throbbing head in my hands, the usual attack coming. I tried to shield it all away, but it was all in vain…

I breathed heavily. The voices were getting in once again…

I went outside the building, passing the numerous employees crowding in each room, and I pushed my mental shields higher to block myself from the voices. All I need now is silence. My feet were moving fast and I ignored every single look I received, even the women's stares. I can feel my long hair bouncing on my back.

Finally, I reached the exit and nodded to the guard. The fresh air filled my lungs and refreshed my mind. I let the soft wisp of air trail on my cheeks. It really felt good… so good. The voices were dissipating slowly, getting rid of the throbbing pain.

I proceeded to my usual spot, on the side of the garden and sat on the cold metal bench below the canopy of a big tree. I relaxed my mind and body, crossing my legs and stretching my arms, resting them on the backboard. Before I close my eyes, my sight caught something moving from the far corner of the garden.

And heard its mind:

[- It will be hard like this… -] the only thing that 'that thing' thought. I grimaced, trying to get in the thing's mind. But amazingly, it had barriers.

[- Who are you? Why are you here? -] I demanded.

Nothing.

The bushes rustled as the thing's presence disappeared. I blinked and stared aimlessly.

Am I the only one…? I asked myself, at length closing my eyes and dozed off.

Even if I were asleep, my thoughts kept on playing by itself, like a dream, but different. It consisted of recent memories, old images and distant sounds. The encounters with my patients were buried somewhere in my brain, I don't know where. I don't care about them anyway. Once done, it's done. Never care anymore.

And before I can even stop my mind, the memories played…

A child dressed in a white robe, slumped on a cold marble floor. Everyone stares at the child, who had large green eyes, scanning the vicinity with pure naivity, whispering to himself, "Who…am…I? Who…are…you?"

…

A pair of sinister eyes staring at a 20-year old man wearing a suit. The man's eyes twitched as his thoughts were bombarded with random thoughts by the young man. The man behind the desk slowly nods his head and gestured the young man to the door.

…

A child was talking to a woman who stares into nowhere. The child cries. Then, a man talked to the child, comforting him and making him stop crying. But the child continued crying… and crying…

I woke up in a jolt, my body becoming tense. I hated having those thoughts looming inside my head everytime I wanted a rest. It never went away. Then, I looked at my watch, massaging my temple slightly. It was already 12:05 pm. My stomach growled and I felt that my mental shields are fully rejuvenated.

I stood up, but in the corner of my eyes I never failed to see the rustle of the bushes on the corner, eventually stopping. Without warning, a pair of large brown eyes appeared from the dark. And dark brown hair. I shivered as I noticed the eyes were blank, lifeless.

[- What the heck are you doing in here? -] I said, quite irritated. I hate being stared at.

It took quite a moment when the reply echoed in my head. [- Help me… -] and its presence disappeared once again.

Disgruntled, I went back to the building, towards the cafeteria to grab something to eat and continue my work. The pair of brown eyes were hard to forget, and I felt a headache coming soon.

Author's note: So what do you think? This is my first attempt at a Schwarz fic and I don't know if it sucked or what… please review, tell me what you think. It will help me so much. Thank you.