Glossary: Bakumatsu=Revolution, Daimyos=Land Lord or Governor, tenshi=angel, zenrei=my whole soul, sho-ji=outside door, ikka=home, ikke=family, tadaima=I am home, koishii=dear or darling, Anata=endearment from a wife to her husband, aijou=love, aman=lover, Aishiteru=I love you, Aisai=beloved wife, itsumademo=forever, baka-deshi=stupid apprentice,
Enshii=township(my own), Nanda(township),
Chapter 14
Visions from The Past
It had been an especially cold morning when Hiko rolled off of his futon and stood to stretch his muscles. His back and neck were stiff and sore, and he was being forced to admit that his age was starting to catch up to him in some ways. Getting older had always been a thought that lived far away in the back of his mind because he believed it would never happen to him. He had thought his life would be over long before grey came to dim the raven blackness of his hair because there had never been a doubt in his mind that Kenshin would inherit the title of Seijurou Hiko the 14th. Hiko had always planned to die at Kenshin's hand when he mastered the Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki, but it had not happened that way.
Kenshin had mastered the technique, but his sakobatou had only left Hiko wounded and not dead. So, now for the first time in 14 generations, there were two Masters of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Strange. Unheard of. Unspeakable. Interesting.
There was one main difference between the two Masters. Kenshin had taken the Mitsurugi and used it to become an assassin for the Meiji Government during the Bakumatsu, while Hiko had done his best to remain true to the morals and laws it taught. But there were times in the last two years that Hiko found himself wondering if he and his deshi were really all that different. In the end, their points of view on life were very much the same, although they had arrived at those views on very different paths.
"Good Morning, Seijurou-san. It is very cold today, do you not agree?" Sargent Izukia was sitting in his customary place behind his desk. He was busy with mountains of paperwork as usual, but Saitoh's efficient Aide never seemed to be flustered by anything. Except perhaps his Captain and the man who stood in front of him. He swallowed nervously as Hiko favored him with a sardonic look that told him he was an idiot to even ask the question.
"Is he in yet?" Hiko motioned towards the closed door to Saitoh's office.
"Of course. He arrived long before anyone else, but his door has been closed all morning."
"Why? Is he meeting with someone in there?" Hiko studied the door with narrowed eyes.
"No. There is no one in there with him. I looked in a bit ago, and he is just setting in there staring out the window. He is not even looking over reports, or working on current investigations in progress. He is just setting there." Izukia shrugged his shoulders. "I do not know what he is doing. He did not look like he wanted to be disturbed, so I left him alone."
"I see." Hiko nodded. "Thank-you Sargent. You have been most helpful." Then he walked away from the Izukia's cluttered desk, rapped once on Saitoh's office door, and went inside. Izukia stood with wide eyes and open mouth as the cold hand of shock cut of his air flow. No one ever just walked into the Captain's office without being allowed to enter. He felt his insides shriveling into a tight little ball of apprehension as he waited for the bomb to go off. Even if Seijurou-san was the Captain's friend, there was no way he would allow this impropriety. It was going to be a bad morning.
"It looks like I should have brought a bottle of Sake with me." Hiko eyed Saitoh's statue still form sitting ramrod straight in his office chair, eyes staring blankly out the window behind his desk. "You look positively cheerful. What is the occassion?" He dropped his long frame into the uncomfortable wooden chair that was always the only other place to sit in Saitoh's office.
"Come-in, Hiko." The sarcastic remark was not spoken with Saitoh's usual cutting tone. "Won't you sit down and make yourself comfortable.... If you can." There was definitely something wrong. Saitoh was completely out of character for himself.
"Saitoh," Hiko leaned forward studying the other man's profile. "Is there something wrong today? You seem.... well, you seem to not be quite yourself. Has something happened?"
There was a long pause, and then Saitoh spoke. The voice that came from him was distant and almost sad. "I have been thinking about things I have not thought of for many years."
"Things? What kind of things?
"The past." Hiko noticed Saitoh was not smoking. This was indeed out of character.
"Yes. A past I rarely if ever let myself remember."
"Why is that?"
"It is too.... painful."
Hiko was surprised. "We all have things in our past that are painful to remember. Even I have memories I wish I could forget, but they remain with me like unwanted companions. Then when I least expect it, they will rise to the surface, and, despite all my best efforts, they will come walking with me." Sympathetic eyes watched Saitoh for any reaction. "Are yours walking with you today, My Friend?"
"Yes. It has been many years since we went walking. I have always managed to keep these memories carefully hidden away in the back of my mind where they could not infringe on my life, but lately...."
"Lately you are not having such good luck keeping them locked away?"
"No." Saitoh heaved a great sigh and turned around to look at his friend. "I am not. They have risen from their grave to haunt me like a thousand ghosts I can no longer lay to rest." He rubbed his eyes with his hands. "It would seem I am no longer in control of my own thoughts."
Hiko lowered his gaze to study the front of the old wooden desk. "I understand."
"So, how do you put your ghosts to rest, Hiko? What do you do to make them recede back into the grave where they belong? How to you return balance back to your mind?"
"I drink Sake." It was a simple, flat, emotionless answer.
Saitoh dropped his hands and stared in shock at Hiko. "That is it? That is all you do?" Hiko raised his eyes and locked gazes with Saitoh's yellow-gold stare.
"That is it. That is all I do."
Saitoh rolled his eyes and dropped back onto the cushioned back of his chair. "Only you would choose to drown your sorrows in a bottle of Sake instead of finding a viable solution to solving them." He shook his head and looked indulgently at his friend as half a smile curled his thin
lips. "I should have known."
"Do not judge me, Saitoh. You do not know the memories I run from, nor do you know why."
"You are right. Forgive me." He offered a open hand to Hiko who nodded in acquiescence. "I am not in a position to judge considering the past I have been running from, and how many years I have been running from it."
"I will listen if you want to unburden it. I am in no position to judge you either." Hiko leaned back in the chair and focused on Saitoh's face. "It may help you put things into perspective."
Saitoh thought about the offer Hiko had given him, and decided perhaps he was right. "You must understand, Hiko. I have not spoken about this for more than ten years. I am not even certain how many years it has been, which is a crime in and of itself." His face turned sad.
"I understand."
"A long time ago when I was very young, I was married." Saitoh was watching Hiko's face closely. "Does that shock you? That an asshole like me could ever be married let alone have a woman be in love with me?"
"To a point it does, I suppose, but the world is full of surprises." The stern features of the Mitsurugi Master's face relaxed and his inner pain became all to evident. "I had a son once. A
beautiful shining son whom I loved with all my heart, but I lost him to the Bakumatsu." Hiko met Saitoh's eyes. "Does that surprise you?" The two men simply looked at one another for several minutes without saying a word, and then Saitoh continued his story.
"She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I had just finished my training in the Shinsengumi, and I was on my way to my new post. I had been assigned to serve the Daimyos in the village of Enshii. She was his daughter." Saitoh's grey eyes looked wistful as he recalled her face. "Her hair was the color of burnt chestnuts, and it glowed with red streaks when the sun caught it just right. She always wore it in a tight knot on the top of her head, but I remember the first time I ever saw it loose." A smile crossed his face. "It was so long that it nearly reached her knees. It was glorious." A sigh of pleasure escaped him, and he remained quiet for a moment as he savored that
memory. "She had the most magnificent eyes. They were the color of the earth and filled with intelligence and a sharp wit." His eyes closed. "She looked like the Tenshi in the Temples."
"How old was she?"
"15 I think. Maybe 16, I don't remember. It did not matter to me at that time. All I understood was I had found something extraordinary, and it deserved further investigation."
"So you did what?"
"I investigated. I started to follow her everywhere she went. I took every opportunity that presented itself to me to talk to her, to spend time with her, to get to know her. And before I knew it, I was in love with her. I asked her father for her, and he agreed. We were married before the end of one year. She was all I ever wanted."
"What happened to her?"
"That was three years before the Bakumatsu began, and I thought life was perfect. We were planning on having a baby by then. I did not think she was old enough in the beginning so we had waited." A strange look passed over his features. "Sometimes, I wish I had not made her wait."
He sat still and thoughtful for several minutes without saying a word, then began again. "When the War started, I was recalled to my regiment. I left her with her father thinking she would be safer there than with me in the middle of the fighting. I was wrong."
Hiko's face showed stunned astonishment as he searched Saitoh's frozen features. "What do you mean, you were wrong? What happened?"
"It was the beginning of the second year of fighting, and most of the bloodshed was centering around Kyoto and her neighboring villages and towns. That was when I first encountered the Battousai. That was also when I became the man I am now." He steepled his fingers as he turned
introspective. "The Ishin Shishi where everywhere pushing the Shinsengumi back, and between them were the smaller individual Samurai bands fighting for their Daimyos'. It was becoming difficult to tell who was the enemy and who was not. It was during one of these confusing battles that I decided it was time I went home and took my Wife to a safer location before the fighting reached Enshii, but when I got there, it was already too late. The whole village was under attack."
"From whom? The Ishin shishi?"
"No. I wish it had been, but it was not. It was a squadron of renegade Shinsengumi that had the reputation of raiding any village they came across, and murdering everyone in it whatever their political affiliation."
"Why?!" Hiko was sickened and outraged. "Why was this behavior condoned?"
"It was not condoned. It was just very difficult to catch them. They never stayed in one place long enough to be captured, and there were never any witnesses left to raise the alarm."
"Animals. Nothing but animals. They did it for the pleasure didn't they?"
"Yes. There were many men in those days who killed simply for the gratification of their blood-lust. Many of them were Hitokiri's and considered valuable, but those who were out of control were considered criminals. When the renegades were caught, each of them was put to death
in a very painful fashion. None of them were allowed to die honorably."
"Fitting. A warrior who kills the innocent for the single pleasure of spilling their blood, has no honor." A terrible frown covered his face as he thought of Kenshin. Kenshin had never found pleasure in the murders he committed during his days as a Hitokiri. Hiko was certain of that, but he had taken so many lives. More than any other single man in the history of Japan. Close to 400 men had lost their lives to his deadly blade before he had taken his oath to never kill again, but what had those many deaths cost him in return for the peace he helped to establish? Most of his soul. His peace. His life. And it had cost him the love of the only father he had ever known.... or had it?
"You did not find her in Enshii? Is that why you say it was too late?"
"Yes. The house was completely destroyed. It had been burnt to the ground with everyone inside. No one had survived the fire. She was gone. I thought I was protecting her by leaving her there, but, in the end, my choice to leave her behind cost her life." His voice became tight and strained. "She was mine to protect. My responsibility. My Wife. My Beloved. She was all I ever wanted, and I lost her because I did not keep her by my side where she belonged."
"You have never forgiven yourself?"
"No, I cannot."
"How could you know she would not be safe? You did what you thought was the best for her. I would have done the same thing had I been in your place."
"You would?" Yellow eyes raked Hiko's face with sharp scepticism. "And how do you know that? You do not even care for women except in your bed."
"I admit, you are right about that, but none the less. If faced with the same choice, I would have done the same thing."
"All right. I accept that, but it does not alter the fact that I failed her and she died because of it." Saitoh turned and looked out the window again. "For years and years I have buried her memory deep in the back of my mind trying to convince myself she never existed. That has been the only way I have been able to go on with my life. That is the only way I can live without her."
"You became a sarcastic, unemotional, asshole so you would not have to remember what it felt like to love someone, and that way you would never be reminded of her? Is that what your trying to say?"
"I suppose it is. Believe it or not, Hiko. I was not always an asshole." A laugh of pure irony danced past his lips. "There was a time when I was quite the romantic idiot. You would have laughed your ass off at me."
"I doubt it. I kinda like thinking of you like that. It puts a whole new twist on your already twisted personality." Saitoh gave Hiko a dry smile and the two friends chuckled. "I would like to ask you something. It is purely hypothetical, but I would like to know anyway."
"What?"
"What would you do if she were alive? If she had somehow managed to escape the raid on the village, and she had somehow managed to make her way to a safe place, what would you do?"
Saitoh stared at Hiko as if he were insane. "What are you talking about?"
"Listen to the question you idiot. What would you do if she were alive right now? If she were alive right now? Right now, in this city, under an assumed name. What would you do?" Saitoh's face turned grey as stone and a muscle began twitching in his cheek. His breathing became
so slow and shallow, it was difficult to see his chest move, and his eyes had changed color to a harsh yellow-orange.
"You know something, Hiko." He leaned forward in his chair, and pinned Hiko with a fierce glare. "Tell me what you know." The Mibu Wolf had somehow slipped into Saitoh's office.
"You have not told me what you would do, Saitoh. When you answer my question, I will tell you what I know." Hiko was nonplused by the Wolf's stare.
"Just fucking tell me what you know, or I swear to God, I will tear your head off!"
"Temper, temper." Hiko leaned forward and locked his yellowish-green gaze with the blistering yellow-orange glare of the Wolf's. "All right, I will tell you, but then you have to answer my question before you do anything else. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Takagi Tokio is alive and living here in Kyoto. She has been living here since sometime after the Kyoto Fires, and for some reason, she has believed you to be dead for the last 12 years. She believes you perished that night."
"Me.... Dead?" He was incredulous. "Why did she believe that? I went home whenever I could. I sent her letters right up until I went back to the village."
"She never mentioned a single letter. All she said was, you never came home, and there was never any word from you or about you after the Fires."
"No word.... the Fires happened after the Enshii was destroyed. Of course there was no word. I believed she was dead. Oh God! Alive? All these years.... All these horrible years. Where was she? Where were they if they were not in Enshii when the house burned? Where were they?" His eyes were filled with a wild mixture of emotions. Surprize, anxiety, hope, fear, anger, and some that had no names. "Where could they have been, Hiko?"
"I do not know. All of the information I have says her family still lives in Enshii. Perhaps, you would care to ask her for yourself." The statement was made in a gentle voice filled with supportive encouragement. "Saitoh, I was going to be bringing her here today to see you."
"You what??"
"When I told her you were alive, she was just as shocked as you are now. Actually, she fainted dead away, but the first thing she wanted to do when she came to was see you. She wants to look at your face, Saitoh, just to see you. She just wants to see you whether you think you could
still love her or not is irrelevant at this point. She just wants to see you one more time."
"Not love her...." Trembling legs lifted Saitoh out of his chair and carried him around the side of his desk to Hiko. "Not love her...." He repeated as Hiko stood and put a steadying hand on his shoulder. As the Wolf's yellow eyes met the eyes of the man in front of him, a tear slid down his thin sharp face. "How could I not still love her? She was all I ever wanted, Hiko."
"Then would you care to accompany me to her cottage? It is only a couple of hours walk away." Saitoh gripped Hiko's arm and nodded.
As they walked out of his office, Saitoh waved at Izukia. "I may be gone the rest of the day, Izukia. Keep everything running." Then he and Hiko left the Station and a gapping Izukia behind.
*******************
Tokio spent the majority of the morning washing and drying the monstrosity that was her hair. It's full length nearly reached the floor now, and it always seemed to grow a mind of its' own when she tried to dry and brush the flowing mass. She had given up several years ago trying to wear the traditional Japanese styles, and just wore it loose most of the time. But today she wanted to try and do something special with it. Today Seijruou-san was taking her to see Saitoh for the first time in over 12 years.
"Saitoh...." She allowed herself to whisper his name, and one of her hands rose to rest against her breast where her heartbeat skipped in response. "I wonder if you will even know me after all this time?" Tokio looked at her face in the mirror and critically inspected it for flaws. She frowned as she noticed that her age was beginning to show. 31 on her last birthday, and little wrinkles were beginning to show at the corners of her eyes and her mouth. The pretty girl he had called his whole soul, his zenrei was not as pretty as she was all those years ago, nor was she as young.
"Maybe it is not such a good idea to see him after all." She said to the Tokio reflected in the mirror. "It might be better to let him remember us the way we looked back then. This change could be too much too fast. He could be disappointed." She turned away from the mirror with a heavy heart. "I could not bear to see disappointment in his eyes. It would be worse that thinking him dead all this time. Perhaps he has a good reason for never coming back after the Bakumatsu. Maybe he no longer had the desire for the responsibility of a Wife and a family, or maybe he just did not want to come home. There are thousands of reasons that could have kept him away." It was desperate rationalization and she knew it, but it was the only way she could cope with the emotions she was
beginning to feel.
A sad sigh lifted her breasts as she slipped into a deep forest green kimono then secured it with a fuchsia obi tied at her back. She would tell Seijurou-san she was sorry for troubling him when he came, but she had changed her mind about going to see Saitoh. A single hot tear slid down her smooth cheek and dripped off her chin dropping onto the dark green covering her breast. It left a round wet spot that turned the dark silt almost black. Tokio did not notice, and another tear slid
down the same path. It was followed by another and another. Her head bent forward and her hands rose to cover her face, and she quietly began to cry.
A gentle but audible rapping on her sho-ji caused her to frantically wipe the wetness from her face, and she quickly straightened her kimono and smoothed her hair. "You can do this." She told her reflection in the mirror. "It is the best thing." Then she walked on silent bare feet to the main front room of her ikka and slid the door open.
"Good Morning, Takagi-san. I am sorry. I realize I am earlier than I intended to be, but circumstanced arose that I could not avoid, and they forced me to move our meeting time forward" He smiled apologetically. "I do hope you are not angry."
"No, of course not." She smiled as best she could. "I... I have something I need to tell you. I hope it will not put you out or offend you" Tokio lowered her eyes as a blush colored her pale face.
"What is it?" Hiko was immediately concerned. "Is everything all right, Takagi-san?"
"Yes... well, no... I mean... it is just that...." She was stuttering and stammering and it was obvious to Hiko that she was very uncomfortable. As he looked more closely at her, he noticed she
had been crying.
"What has happened? You have been crying, why?"
"Oh that... it is nothing really. I just decided against going with you today." She turned away from Hiko and walked back into the room.
"Why? Why would you do that? I thought you wanted to see Saitoh more than anything?"
"I did. I do, but I think it is better if I do not." Her voice was so sad and filled with pain.
"Why? I want you to tell me why?"
"I do not want him to see 'me'." She chocked on a sob and her hand covered her mouth.
"Not see you?" Hiko was incredulous. "Why? Why would you not want him to see you?"
A bitter laugh came from her, and then silence as she fought to pull her wayward emotions back under control. "Feminine pride. Seijurou-san. I am not the young pretty girl he married all those years ago, and I want him to remember me like that. I do not want him to see the age and the
wrinkles time has given to me." She laughed again, but did not turn around. " I think it is better this way regardless of my feelings. It was selfish of me to think I could just walk into his life out of
nowhere and simply say 'Tadaima koishii, did you miss me?' and expect him to open his arms and welcome me. It was a pleasant dream." The grip on her emotions slipped and a sob shock her small frame. She felt the pressure of a gentle hand on her neck and another on her arm. "I am all right, Seijurou-san, but perhaps you should go now." Neither hand moved, and Tokio felt the warmth of a body in close proximity to hers permeating through her kimono to her cool skin. Then the moist heat of softly whispered words brushed past her ear and fanned her damp cheek.
"But I do not want to leave, zenrei. I have not seen your face for myself, and I would see it once again before death does indeed close these disbelieving eyes. Let me look into your face once more." And Tokio felt gentle pressure applied to her neck while her arm was tenderly pulled back. In a short moment, she found herself face to face with a man she had thought never to see again except within her own mind or her dreams.
Time, it seemed, had changed him as well. The thin boned handsome face she remembered was much thinner, and bore such a look of sternness it was difficult to equate it to the smiling laughing man she in her memories. The dark slate black of his hair had changed to a steely grey that shone almost silver in the sunlight. Eyes grown narrow after years of war and fighting retained their unique topaz color, but the ferocity in them belonged to another man. This was the Wolf of Mibu. This was the man she had never met. The Hijame Saitoh she had never known but had heard so many stories about. Should she be afraid?
"Why did you not ever come back?" She whispered as she searched the strange yet familiar face of her husband.
"The villiage was destroyed.... the house, it was gone. Everything was gone. I thought you were... I thought you were dead." His voice sounded broken and filled with grief. "I never found you."
"Father took us to Nanda when the fight got too close. I wrote to you. I told you." She searched his pain filled eyes looking for the truth.
"Nanda?" He stared at her in shock. "I never got a letter from you telling me you went to Nanda. I never heard anything. I went to Enshii to get you and take you back to Kyoto with me so I could keep you safe, but.... everything was gone. Dear God, Tokio...." Saitoh suddenly pulled her close to his chest and buried his face against her neck. "I wanted to die when I saw the burnt ruin of the house. All I could think of was you dying in there inside the flames." He choked. "I thought I
would die just from the pain of knowing I had failed you."
"Failed me?" She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly as tears began sliding down her face in uncontrolled streams. "You never failed me, Anata. Never."
"Yes, I did." He raised up and looked into her tear streaked face. "I left you behind when your place was at my side, where I could protect you. It was my duty, my responsibility, and I failed. I should have taken you with me in the very beginning. I never should have let you out of my sight. I lost all reason to live when you died." Saitoh pressed his forehead against Tokio's. "My heart died."
"Saitoh... I have been dead all these years as well. I thought you died in the Kyoto Fires. That is why I finally came here to live. It was the closest I could come to being with you."
"I still love you, beautiful zenrei. I will always love you." Hiko quietly left unnoticed by the couple, silently closing the door behind him.
Tokio was crying again and pressing soft kisses all over his face and neck. "Saitoh... Anata... I have loved you all my life. You were my life. I will always love you too." The hand that held her neck cupped the back of her head so he could cover her mouth with his. She moaned and pushed herself up into the kiss wrapping her arms more tightly around his shoulders and burying one hand deep into the thickness of this silver-grey hair.
"Zenrei." He whispered unevenly as he felt her mold her softness against him. His mouth left her full lips and slid a moist hot path down her throat to her delicate collar bone. She whimpered with passion as he untied her obi and slid her kimono open. His callous roughened hands slid around the sensitive skin of her waist. One pressed into the small of her back pulling her into the hardness of his need, the other slid tantalizingly up her spine until it spread out between her shoulders and crushed her against his chest. The soft cotton of his uniform rubbed sensuously against her sensitive nipples making them harden and turn into little pebbles. Saitoh could feel her desire pressed against his chest, and, raising his head from her throat, he gazed at her beautiful breasts taking note of her arousal. "Zenrie..." He rasped and scooped her up into his arms while his long legs carried them back to her bedroom. It did not look like Captain Fujita would be back to the office anytime soon as he slid the fusuma closed with his boot.
***************
"Do you think it is too late for us, Saitoh?" Tokio's words were muffled against the curve of his throat. "Can we be together again, or has too much time past for us?" It was easy to hear the sadness in her voice, but the question was an honest concern. Nearly 13 years had past since they had lived together as husband and wife, and she wanted to know if he thought it was feasible that they could do it now when they had both evolved into such different people.
Saitoh considered her question thoughtfully for several moments before he answered. "It has been many years since we lived together, and we are both very different people than we were in those days. I have lived my life in a solitary manner purposely, and it has become my way." He felt her burrow closer to his side and pressed her nose into his neck. The arm around her tightened in response, and he pulled her closer. "But I am not saying I do not think I can change, zenrei." He whispered into her hair trying to comfort the trembling that suddenly seized her body. "You would have to understand our life cannot be the way it was before either."
"I know that." She said. "I just want to know if you think there is a chance we could ever be together... at all."
"If you are asking me if I want to be your husband again, or if I want you to be my wife again, then I have only one answer to give you." He paused until she pulled back and looked at him with uncertain eyes. "I would have to say... Yes. I want both of those things." A brilliant smile bloomed across her lovely face, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly as she pressed her mouth against his.
"Saitoh, I love you. I love you so much." She kissed him again and again, until he finally rolled her over beneath him and devoured her mouth with his own.
"Aishiteru zenrei. You are all I ever wanted." His knee slid between her thighs and spread them so he could settle his hips intimately against her. "You are all I will ever want, and we will find a way to begin again." The moist strength of his tongue penetrated her mouth making her moan deep within her chest, and part her legs farther so she could wrap them around his waist. A rough primitive growl rumbled in his throat as he pulled her into the circle of his closest embrace and
joined their bodies. "You are my Aisai, and I refuse to live without you again." His voice was a husky rasp in this throat. "We will begin again, and learn to love and accept the people we are now." Saitoh raised himself up on his elbows and sought out Tokio's passion filled eyes. "I will not lose you again, Tokio. You are my zenrei. My tenshi, and my aijou." He lowered his mouth to hers again. "Tadaima kishii..." I am home.
Tears slid out of Tokio's eyes and were lost in the darkness of her hair as she pulled her Anata, her beloved Husband, down to her and held him tightly against her heart.
"Aishiteru Anata..." She murmured against his lips as they covered hers. "Aisheteru."
"Aishiteru Zenrei." He replied. "Aishiteru Itsumademo." Forever.
****************
The next morning black rain clouds darkened the skies above the city of Kyoto, and an ill wind blew through the narrow streets leaving behind feelings of unease as it went. Barely enough light filtered through the swollen grey masses to light the world and herald the coming of morning.
Gloom and sadness clung to the Aioya just as it had done ever since Kenshin and Soujirou had brought and unconscious Aoshi back the day before. When Misao had seen the limp form of the tall dark ninja hanging between the two shorter men, she had nearly gone into hysterics. It had taken hours to calm her and quiet her tears, and even now she would not leave his side as he remained in bed with a severe concussion from the blow Elsbeth had delivered to his head.
In their room, Kenshin and Kaoru were lost deep within their own gloomy world beneath the blackened sky. Kenshin had been in a deeply depressed mood ever since coming back from the prison and his confrontation with Elsbeth. He had not yet told Kaoru everything about the other woman only the important details she had to know. She did not need to know about his past romantic ties with the Woman.
Kaoru had broken down into tears when he explained to her about the mazes inside the prison and how large it was.
"How can we find him in two days, Kenshin?"
"We cannot. It is impossible. I do not know what to do anymore." They had both fallen into despair at that moment. Now it seemed all they could do was hold each other and wait for the end to come and pass. The struggle was over, and they had failed.
This was the scene that greeted Hiko when he returned to the Aoiya after reuniting Saitoh and Tokio the day before.
"What in the hell is going on here? It looks like someone's favorite chicken got eaten by the neighbors." He looked around in total confusion and concern. Okina and the others were kneeling and sitting around the Aoiya in different places. "Where is Kenshin?" He asked the old man. Okina pointed towards the room.
"He and Kamiya-dono have not come out since yesterday afternoon."
"What the hell happened? It feels like a funeral in here." Hiko could feel a great sadness coming from Okina and it was making him very nervous as well as increasing his level of concern by the moment.
"Come, Seijurou-san and sit with me. I will do my best to explain things to you. It is a terrible tragedy for all of us." Okina led Hiko to a private room where they sat down facing each other. "It grieves me to tell you this, Seijurou-san, but young Myojin-san's life can no longer be saved. He is doomed as are we all."
"You cannot be serious. We have not even begun the process of trying to locate him. How can his life be forfeit already?" He was almost shouting in his shock.
"Himura, Aoshi, and Seta-san found him yesterday."
"They what?" Hiko nearly fell over.
"It was an idea Misao had actually, and Aoshi took it and surmised that it was a logical assumption."
"What was that?"
"That Myojin-san was being held somewhere where he could be locked up without being bound or restricted, but still be kept without risk of escape or discovery."
"I see. That is logical. Where did that assumption lead them?"
"The underground prison beneath the old Monestary."
Hiko's eyes grew wide with a horrible understanding. "Oh Kami... What a horrible place, but it would be perfect." Closing his eyes, he cradled a pain in his heart for the boy. "What happened? I assume they went there?"
"Yes, they went. Himura, Aoshi, and Seta-san, but they never actually made it into the prison. They ran into Lady Katsura herself and her Man in Black."
"Kuso!"
"There was a confrontation that left the Man in Black dead, Aoshi injured, and Lady Katsura loose in the city. However; the problem is that no one knows where inside the prison young Myojin is. Only the Man in Black knew the exact location. Himura's plan was to lay in wait for
him, and follow him inside to the place the boy was being kept, but he died before the information could be told." Okina's face reflected the weight of his sadness. Himura tried to get the information out of the woman, but she refused to tell him anything. He is not even sure she knows how to get to the boy."
"Well, if she does not, then that gives us time to find him."
"No, it does not. Myojin-san will suffocate from lack of clean air before any of you could reach him. There are no air vents in the prison. The only way clean air is exchanged is when the outer doors are opened to the outside tunnels."
"Oh God...." Large brown hands rose to cover Hiko's distressed face. "Is there nothing we can do? Nothing at all?"
"Nothing. There is no one alive who knows the way in and out of the prison maze. You know it was built as a labyrinth to keep prisoners from escaping. They would die or be recaptured long before they ever found their way out."
"Yes, I knew that. So we are doomed? Is that it? We give up?"
"Listen to me, Hiko." Okina leaned forward into the large man's face. "The only way in and out of there is a map, and the only maps ever made were kept by the Shinsengumi. After the end of the Revolution, they were all destroyed by the Meiji so the prison could never be used again.
There are no more maps."
Hiko's mind was spinning wildly. "The Shinsengumi... Saitoh!" He was muttering under his breath and Okina could not hear him. Suddenly he leapt to his feet and raced from the room bounding across the yard to the fusuma of Kenshin's room. He knocked on it sharply and called out
Kenshin's name in a loud desperate voice, but it was Kaoru that opened the door. Hiko sucked in his breath when he took in the look of utter despair about her.
"Kaoru..." He whispered in concern completely forgetting all honorifics. At the sound of her real name spoken with such gentle concern on his lips, she burst into tears and walked into his strong arms pressing her face against his broad chest. Hiko looked over her head and saw Kenshin sitting on the floor, his sakobatou at his side. His head was bent low, hands folded in his lap. The slump of his shoulders shouted his grief in volumes within the silent room. "Kenshin..."
Hiko helped Kaoru back into the room, closed the door behind them, and took her over to where Kenshin sat on the floor. He assisted her to kneel and then sat across from her so the three of them formed a small circle. The sadness and oppression in the small room was suffocating, and he wanted so much to reach out to both of them and offer his comfort, but he did not know how so he tried to offer them hope instead.
"I may know a way to save Myojin-san, yet." Kenshin's head shot up, and deep purple eyes filled with terrible anguish locked gazes with Hiko's emerald greeen. "It is a small chance, but it is a chance."
"What is it? Any chance is a chance." Kenshin's voice was a raspy shadow of its usual tenor. "I am out of options here, so there is nothing to lose. One way or the other, Yahiko may be lost to me anyway. I must take every chance. Tell me your idea."
"Okina mentioned that the prison was pretty much used exclusively by the Shinsengumi during the Revolution."
"That is correct."
"He also mentioned that they had it built as a maze purposefully to reduce the number of successful escapes because of the difficulties encountered by prisoners while trying to find the way out."
"That is also true."
"The Shinsengumi kept maps of the prison. Okina said the Meiji destroyed them after the Revolution so the prison could not be used again."
"Yes, they did that. The Government Officials felt it was not a humane enough structure even for prisoners. Hundreds of them died from simple suffocation during the War because there were not any working clean air exchanges, but because it is directly under the City, it could not be destroyed without causing damage to the upper ground levels. So they just burned the maps and destroyed all the keys." Kenshin became curious. "What are you getting at, Master?"
"Saitoh."
"Saitoh?" Kenshin and Kaoru looked at each other in bewilderment. "What does Saitoh have to do with any of this?"
"Saitoh was the leader of the 4th squadron of the Shinsengumi and considered a valuable officer within their ranks. He also held the distinction of being known as the 'Wolf of Mibu', which was no small thing in itself. But most of all, he was one smart sonofabitch."
"You think he kept a map of the prison. Don't you?"
"I am thinking it is a very good possibility. Saitoh is no fool, and I cannot see him giving over every single piece of information the Shinsengumi had just because the Government told him too."
"You do have a point there." A small spark of hope lit in the dark purple eyes. "What do you propose?"
"We ask him. He is in this thing just as deeply as the rest of us. If he has a copy of the map, he will give it to us. I have no doubt about that."
"Are you serious? You really believe he would part with something like that?" Kenshin looked skeptical.
"Yes, I do. Saitoh is an asshole, but he's not a stupid asshole." Hiko offered a bland smile. "Besides, he is my friend and I trust him." Kenshin gapped at that remark. Hiko and Saitoh friends?? Wonders and miracles would never cease in the world if he had lived to see a friendship form between the two most antagonistic men he had ever known.
"What is wrong with you? Do you not think I can have friends? Baka-deshi. Get up off your ass and get moving. We need to get to the Station and find out if he has a map because if he does not, then we are going to have to come up with another idea. Because I am not ready to live in Hell yet. I can wait until I die to do that." He rose gracefully to his feet. "So get up and move, Kenshin, and find that flying maniac of a son you adopted. We should take him with us too."
Then he was gone out the door.
"Kenshin?" Kaoru's voice was anxious and hopeful as she turned his face to meet her eyes.
"I do not know, koishii." He cupped her cheek and studyied her worried face. "I do not know, but suddenly there is another chance to find our son, and I am not going to waste it." He leaned into her, parted her lips with his, and kissed her with loving tenderness. "Aishiteru Kaoru." He murmured against her mouth. "We must keep trying until there is nothing left to do."
"I love you too, Saiai." Please come back to me."
"I will. We will all come back. The three of us together. Myself and our two sons, and then you and I will make this mismatched group of souls into a real Ikke, and we will have a real Ikka together. I promise you."
"A Family and a Home." Kaoru cupped Kenshin's face in both her hands and kissed his mouth. "You remember that, my beautiful ruroni. You remember what you have to come back to, and what is waiting here for you."
"I will remember, koishii if you will remember something for me."
"What?" Blue sapphires gazed lovingly at him.
Kenshin pressed his nose against hers, threaded his fingers through her long ebony hair, and whispered softly. "I am not a 'ruroni' anymore."
"No." She breathed back as her hands stroked his smooth face. "You are my Aijou, my Aman, and my Anata." A smiled crossed his face for the first time since coming back from the prison the day before, and it turned his eyes back to their usual brilliant violet.
"You are my Tenshi, Kaoru. My light and my Life." His head tilted slightly and his mouth found hers again. 'You are my Aisai. Aishiteru beautiful Kaoru. Aishieteru."
Enshii=township(my own), Nanda(township),
Chapter 14
Visions from The Past
It had been an especially cold morning when Hiko rolled off of his futon and stood to stretch his muscles. His back and neck were stiff and sore, and he was being forced to admit that his age was starting to catch up to him in some ways. Getting older had always been a thought that lived far away in the back of his mind because he believed it would never happen to him. He had thought his life would be over long before grey came to dim the raven blackness of his hair because there had never been a doubt in his mind that Kenshin would inherit the title of Seijurou Hiko the 14th. Hiko had always planned to die at Kenshin's hand when he mastered the Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki, but it had not happened that way.
Kenshin had mastered the technique, but his sakobatou had only left Hiko wounded and not dead. So, now for the first time in 14 generations, there were two Masters of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Strange. Unheard of. Unspeakable. Interesting.
There was one main difference between the two Masters. Kenshin had taken the Mitsurugi and used it to become an assassin for the Meiji Government during the Bakumatsu, while Hiko had done his best to remain true to the morals and laws it taught. But there were times in the last two years that Hiko found himself wondering if he and his deshi were really all that different. In the end, their points of view on life were very much the same, although they had arrived at those views on very different paths.
"Good Morning, Seijurou-san. It is very cold today, do you not agree?" Sargent Izukia was sitting in his customary place behind his desk. He was busy with mountains of paperwork as usual, but Saitoh's efficient Aide never seemed to be flustered by anything. Except perhaps his Captain and the man who stood in front of him. He swallowed nervously as Hiko favored him with a sardonic look that told him he was an idiot to even ask the question.
"Is he in yet?" Hiko motioned towards the closed door to Saitoh's office.
"Of course. He arrived long before anyone else, but his door has been closed all morning."
"Why? Is he meeting with someone in there?" Hiko studied the door with narrowed eyes.
"No. There is no one in there with him. I looked in a bit ago, and he is just setting in there staring out the window. He is not even looking over reports, or working on current investigations in progress. He is just setting there." Izukia shrugged his shoulders. "I do not know what he is doing. He did not look like he wanted to be disturbed, so I left him alone."
"I see." Hiko nodded. "Thank-you Sargent. You have been most helpful." Then he walked away from the Izukia's cluttered desk, rapped once on Saitoh's office door, and went inside. Izukia stood with wide eyes and open mouth as the cold hand of shock cut of his air flow. No one ever just walked into the Captain's office without being allowed to enter. He felt his insides shriveling into a tight little ball of apprehension as he waited for the bomb to go off. Even if Seijurou-san was the Captain's friend, there was no way he would allow this impropriety. It was going to be a bad morning.
"It looks like I should have brought a bottle of Sake with me." Hiko eyed Saitoh's statue still form sitting ramrod straight in his office chair, eyes staring blankly out the window behind his desk. "You look positively cheerful. What is the occassion?" He dropped his long frame into the uncomfortable wooden chair that was always the only other place to sit in Saitoh's office.
"Come-in, Hiko." The sarcastic remark was not spoken with Saitoh's usual cutting tone. "Won't you sit down and make yourself comfortable.... If you can." There was definitely something wrong. Saitoh was completely out of character for himself.
"Saitoh," Hiko leaned forward studying the other man's profile. "Is there something wrong today? You seem.... well, you seem to not be quite yourself. Has something happened?"
There was a long pause, and then Saitoh spoke. The voice that came from him was distant and almost sad. "I have been thinking about things I have not thought of for many years."
"Things? What kind of things?
"The past." Hiko noticed Saitoh was not smoking. This was indeed out of character.
"Yes. A past I rarely if ever let myself remember."
"Why is that?"
"It is too.... painful."
Hiko was surprised. "We all have things in our past that are painful to remember. Even I have memories I wish I could forget, but they remain with me like unwanted companions. Then when I least expect it, they will rise to the surface, and, despite all my best efforts, they will come walking with me." Sympathetic eyes watched Saitoh for any reaction. "Are yours walking with you today, My Friend?"
"Yes. It has been many years since we went walking. I have always managed to keep these memories carefully hidden away in the back of my mind where they could not infringe on my life, but lately...."
"Lately you are not having such good luck keeping them locked away?"
"No." Saitoh heaved a great sigh and turned around to look at his friend. "I am not. They have risen from their grave to haunt me like a thousand ghosts I can no longer lay to rest." He rubbed his eyes with his hands. "It would seem I am no longer in control of my own thoughts."
Hiko lowered his gaze to study the front of the old wooden desk. "I understand."
"So, how do you put your ghosts to rest, Hiko? What do you do to make them recede back into the grave where they belong? How to you return balance back to your mind?"
"I drink Sake." It was a simple, flat, emotionless answer.
Saitoh dropped his hands and stared in shock at Hiko. "That is it? That is all you do?" Hiko raised his eyes and locked gazes with Saitoh's yellow-gold stare.
"That is it. That is all I do."
Saitoh rolled his eyes and dropped back onto the cushioned back of his chair. "Only you would choose to drown your sorrows in a bottle of Sake instead of finding a viable solution to solving them." He shook his head and looked indulgently at his friend as half a smile curled his thin
lips. "I should have known."
"Do not judge me, Saitoh. You do not know the memories I run from, nor do you know why."
"You are right. Forgive me." He offered a open hand to Hiko who nodded in acquiescence. "I am not in a position to judge considering the past I have been running from, and how many years I have been running from it."
"I will listen if you want to unburden it. I am in no position to judge you either." Hiko leaned back in the chair and focused on Saitoh's face. "It may help you put things into perspective."
Saitoh thought about the offer Hiko had given him, and decided perhaps he was right. "You must understand, Hiko. I have not spoken about this for more than ten years. I am not even certain how many years it has been, which is a crime in and of itself." His face turned sad.
"I understand."
"A long time ago when I was very young, I was married." Saitoh was watching Hiko's face closely. "Does that shock you? That an asshole like me could ever be married let alone have a woman be in love with me?"
"To a point it does, I suppose, but the world is full of surprises." The stern features of the Mitsurugi Master's face relaxed and his inner pain became all to evident. "I had a son once. A
beautiful shining son whom I loved with all my heart, but I lost him to the Bakumatsu." Hiko met Saitoh's eyes. "Does that surprise you?" The two men simply looked at one another for several minutes without saying a word, and then Saitoh continued his story.
"She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I had just finished my training in the Shinsengumi, and I was on my way to my new post. I had been assigned to serve the Daimyos in the village of Enshii. She was his daughter." Saitoh's grey eyes looked wistful as he recalled her face. "Her hair was the color of burnt chestnuts, and it glowed with red streaks when the sun caught it just right. She always wore it in a tight knot on the top of her head, but I remember the first time I ever saw it loose." A smile crossed his face. "It was so long that it nearly reached her knees. It was glorious." A sigh of pleasure escaped him, and he remained quiet for a moment as he savored that
memory. "She had the most magnificent eyes. They were the color of the earth and filled with intelligence and a sharp wit." His eyes closed. "She looked like the Tenshi in the Temples."
"How old was she?"
"15 I think. Maybe 16, I don't remember. It did not matter to me at that time. All I understood was I had found something extraordinary, and it deserved further investigation."
"So you did what?"
"I investigated. I started to follow her everywhere she went. I took every opportunity that presented itself to me to talk to her, to spend time with her, to get to know her. And before I knew it, I was in love with her. I asked her father for her, and he agreed. We were married before the end of one year. She was all I ever wanted."
"What happened to her?"
"That was three years before the Bakumatsu began, and I thought life was perfect. We were planning on having a baby by then. I did not think she was old enough in the beginning so we had waited." A strange look passed over his features. "Sometimes, I wish I had not made her wait."
He sat still and thoughtful for several minutes without saying a word, then began again. "When the War started, I was recalled to my regiment. I left her with her father thinking she would be safer there than with me in the middle of the fighting. I was wrong."
Hiko's face showed stunned astonishment as he searched Saitoh's frozen features. "What do you mean, you were wrong? What happened?"
"It was the beginning of the second year of fighting, and most of the bloodshed was centering around Kyoto and her neighboring villages and towns. That was when I first encountered the Battousai. That was also when I became the man I am now." He steepled his fingers as he turned
introspective. "The Ishin Shishi where everywhere pushing the Shinsengumi back, and between them were the smaller individual Samurai bands fighting for their Daimyos'. It was becoming difficult to tell who was the enemy and who was not. It was during one of these confusing battles that I decided it was time I went home and took my Wife to a safer location before the fighting reached Enshii, but when I got there, it was already too late. The whole village was under attack."
"From whom? The Ishin shishi?"
"No. I wish it had been, but it was not. It was a squadron of renegade Shinsengumi that had the reputation of raiding any village they came across, and murdering everyone in it whatever their political affiliation."
"Why?!" Hiko was sickened and outraged. "Why was this behavior condoned?"
"It was not condoned. It was just very difficult to catch them. They never stayed in one place long enough to be captured, and there were never any witnesses left to raise the alarm."
"Animals. Nothing but animals. They did it for the pleasure didn't they?"
"Yes. There were many men in those days who killed simply for the gratification of their blood-lust. Many of them were Hitokiri's and considered valuable, but those who were out of control were considered criminals. When the renegades were caught, each of them was put to death
in a very painful fashion. None of them were allowed to die honorably."
"Fitting. A warrior who kills the innocent for the single pleasure of spilling their blood, has no honor." A terrible frown covered his face as he thought of Kenshin. Kenshin had never found pleasure in the murders he committed during his days as a Hitokiri. Hiko was certain of that, but he had taken so many lives. More than any other single man in the history of Japan. Close to 400 men had lost their lives to his deadly blade before he had taken his oath to never kill again, but what had those many deaths cost him in return for the peace he helped to establish? Most of his soul. His peace. His life. And it had cost him the love of the only father he had ever known.... or had it?
"You did not find her in Enshii? Is that why you say it was too late?"
"Yes. The house was completely destroyed. It had been burnt to the ground with everyone inside. No one had survived the fire. She was gone. I thought I was protecting her by leaving her there, but, in the end, my choice to leave her behind cost her life." His voice became tight and strained. "She was mine to protect. My responsibility. My Wife. My Beloved. She was all I ever wanted, and I lost her because I did not keep her by my side where she belonged."
"You have never forgiven yourself?"
"No, I cannot."
"How could you know she would not be safe? You did what you thought was the best for her. I would have done the same thing had I been in your place."
"You would?" Yellow eyes raked Hiko's face with sharp scepticism. "And how do you know that? You do not even care for women except in your bed."
"I admit, you are right about that, but none the less. If faced with the same choice, I would have done the same thing."
"All right. I accept that, but it does not alter the fact that I failed her and she died because of it." Saitoh turned and looked out the window again. "For years and years I have buried her memory deep in the back of my mind trying to convince myself she never existed. That has been the only way I have been able to go on with my life. That is the only way I can live without her."
"You became a sarcastic, unemotional, asshole so you would not have to remember what it felt like to love someone, and that way you would never be reminded of her? Is that what your trying to say?"
"I suppose it is. Believe it or not, Hiko. I was not always an asshole." A laugh of pure irony danced past his lips. "There was a time when I was quite the romantic idiot. You would have laughed your ass off at me."
"I doubt it. I kinda like thinking of you like that. It puts a whole new twist on your already twisted personality." Saitoh gave Hiko a dry smile and the two friends chuckled. "I would like to ask you something. It is purely hypothetical, but I would like to know anyway."
"What?"
"What would you do if she were alive? If she had somehow managed to escape the raid on the village, and she had somehow managed to make her way to a safe place, what would you do?"
Saitoh stared at Hiko as if he were insane. "What are you talking about?"
"Listen to the question you idiot. What would you do if she were alive right now? If she were alive right now? Right now, in this city, under an assumed name. What would you do?" Saitoh's face turned grey as stone and a muscle began twitching in his cheek. His breathing became
so slow and shallow, it was difficult to see his chest move, and his eyes had changed color to a harsh yellow-orange.
"You know something, Hiko." He leaned forward in his chair, and pinned Hiko with a fierce glare. "Tell me what you know." The Mibu Wolf had somehow slipped into Saitoh's office.
"You have not told me what you would do, Saitoh. When you answer my question, I will tell you what I know." Hiko was nonplused by the Wolf's stare.
"Just fucking tell me what you know, or I swear to God, I will tear your head off!"
"Temper, temper." Hiko leaned forward and locked his yellowish-green gaze with the blistering yellow-orange glare of the Wolf's. "All right, I will tell you, but then you have to answer my question before you do anything else. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Takagi Tokio is alive and living here in Kyoto. She has been living here since sometime after the Kyoto Fires, and for some reason, she has believed you to be dead for the last 12 years. She believes you perished that night."
"Me.... Dead?" He was incredulous. "Why did she believe that? I went home whenever I could. I sent her letters right up until I went back to the village."
"She never mentioned a single letter. All she said was, you never came home, and there was never any word from you or about you after the Fires."
"No word.... the Fires happened after the Enshii was destroyed. Of course there was no word. I believed she was dead. Oh God! Alive? All these years.... All these horrible years. Where was she? Where were they if they were not in Enshii when the house burned? Where were they?" His eyes were filled with a wild mixture of emotions. Surprize, anxiety, hope, fear, anger, and some that had no names. "Where could they have been, Hiko?"
"I do not know. All of the information I have says her family still lives in Enshii. Perhaps, you would care to ask her for yourself." The statement was made in a gentle voice filled with supportive encouragement. "Saitoh, I was going to be bringing her here today to see you."
"You what??"
"When I told her you were alive, she was just as shocked as you are now. Actually, she fainted dead away, but the first thing she wanted to do when she came to was see you. She wants to look at your face, Saitoh, just to see you. She just wants to see you whether you think you could
still love her or not is irrelevant at this point. She just wants to see you one more time."
"Not love her...." Trembling legs lifted Saitoh out of his chair and carried him around the side of his desk to Hiko. "Not love her...." He repeated as Hiko stood and put a steadying hand on his shoulder. As the Wolf's yellow eyes met the eyes of the man in front of him, a tear slid down his thin sharp face. "How could I not still love her? She was all I ever wanted, Hiko."
"Then would you care to accompany me to her cottage? It is only a couple of hours walk away." Saitoh gripped Hiko's arm and nodded.
As they walked out of his office, Saitoh waved at Izukia. "I may be gone the rest of the day, Izukia. Keep everything running." Then he and Hiko left the Station and a gapping Izukia behind.
*******************
Tokio spent the majority of the morning washing and drying the monstrosity that was her hair. It's full length nearly reached the floor now, and it always seemed to grow a mind of its' own when she tried to dry and brush the flowing mass. She had given up several years ago trying to wear the traditional Japanese styles, and just wore it loose most of the time. But today she wanted to try and do something special with it. Today Seijruou-san was taking her to see Saitoh for the first time in over 12 years.
"Saitoh...." She allowed herself to whisper his name, and one of her hands rose to rest against her breast where her heartbeat skipped in response. "I wonder if you will even know me after all this time?" Tokio looked at her face in the mirror and critically inspected it for flaws. She frowned as she noticed that her age was beginning to show. 31 on her last birthday, and little wrinkles were beginning to show at the corners of her eyes and her mouth. The pretty girl he had called his whole soul, his zenrei was not as pretty as she was all those years ago, nor was she as young.
"Maybe it is not such a good idea to see him after all." She said to the Tokio reflected in the mirror. "It might be better to let him remember us the way we looked back then. This change could be too much too fast. He could be disappointed." She turned away from the mirror with a heavy heart. "I could not bear to see disappointment in his eyes. It would be worse that thinking him dead all this time. Perhaps he has a good reason for never coming back after the Bakumatsu. Maybe he no longer had the desire for the responsibility of a Wife and a family, or maybe he just did not want to come home. There are thousands of reasons that could have kept him away." It was desperate rationalization and she knew it, but it was the only way she could cope with the emotions she was
beginning to feel.
A sad sigh lifted her breasts as she slipped into a deep forest green kimono then secured it with a fuchsia obi tied at her back. She would tell Seijurou-san she was sorry for troubling him when he came, but she had changed her mind about going to see Saitoh. A single hot tear slid down her smooth cheek and dripped off her chin dropping onto the dark green covering her breast. It left a round wet spot that turned the dark silt almost black. Tokio did not notice, and another tear slid
down the same path. It was followed by another and another. Her head bent forward and her hands rose to cover her face, and she quietly began to cry.
A gentle but audible rapping on her sho-ji caused her to frantically wipe the wetness from her face, and she quickly straightened her kimono and smoothed her hair. "You can do this." She told her reflection in the mirror. "It is the best thing." Then she walked on silent bare feet to the main front room of her ikka and slid the door open.
"Good Morning, Takagi-san. I am sorry. I realize I am earlier than I intended to be, but circumstanced arose that I could not avoid, and they forced me to move our meeting time forward" He smiled apologetically. "I do hope you are not angry."
"No, of course not." She smiled as best she could. "I... I have something I need to tell you. I hope it will not put you out or offend you" Tokio lowered her eyes as a blush colored her pale face.
"What is it?" Hiko was immediately concerned. "Is everything all right, Takagi-san?"
"Yes... well, no... I mean... it is just that...." She was stuttering and stammering and it was obvious to Hiko that she was very uncomfortable. As he looked more closely at her, he noticed she
had been crying.
"What has happened? You have been crying, why?"
"Oh that... it is nothing really. I just decided against going with you today." She turned away from Hiko and walked back into the room.
"Why? Why would you do that? I thought you wanted to see Saitoh more than anything?"
"I did. I do, but I think it is better if I do not." Her voice was so sad and filled with pain.
"Why? I want you to tell me why?"
"I do not want him to see 'me'." She chocked on a sob and her hand covered her mouth.
"Not see you?" Hiko was incredulous. "Why? Why would you not want him to see you?"
A bitter laugh came from her, and then silence as she fought to pull her wayward emotions back under control. "Feminine pride. Seijurou-san. I am not the young pretty girl he married all those years ago, and I want him to remember me like that. I do not want him to see the age and the
wrinkles time has given to me." She laughed again, but did not turn around. " I think it is better this way regardless of my feelings. It was selfish of me to think I could just walk into his life out of
nowhere and simply say 'Tadaima koishii, did you miss me?' and expect him to open his arms and welcome me. It was a pleasant dream." The grip on her emotions slipped and a sob shock her small frame. She felt the pressure of a gentle hand on her neck and another on her arm. "I am all right, Seijurou-san, but perhaps you should go now." Neither hand moved, and Tokio felt the warmth of a body in close proximity to hers permeating through her kimono to her cool skin. Then the moist heat of softly whispered words brushed past her ear and fanned her damp cheek.
"But I do not want to leave, zenrei. I have not seen your face for myself, and I would see it once again before death does indeed close these disbelieving eyes. Let me look into your face once more." And Tokio felt gentle pressure applied to her neck while her arm was tenderly pulled back. In a short moment, she found herself face to face with a man she had thought never to see again except within her own mind or her dreams.
Time, it seemed, had changed him as well. The thin boned handsome face she remembered was much thinner, and bore such a look of sternness it was difficult to equate it to the smiling laughing man she in her memories. The dark slate black of his hair had changed to a steely grey that shone almost silver in the sunlight. Eyes grown narrow after years of war and fighting retained their unique topaz color, but the ferocity in them belonged to another man. This was the Wolf of Mibu. This was the man she had never met. The Hijame Saitoh she had never known but had heard so many stories about. Should she be afraid?
"Why did you not ever come back?" She whispered as she searched the strange yet familiar face of her husband.
"The villiage was destroyed.... the house, it was gone. Everything was gone. I thought you were... I thought you were dead." His voice sounded broken and filled with grief. "I never found you."
"Father took us to Nanda when the fight got too close. I wrote to you. I told you." She searched his pain filled eyes looking for the truth.
"Nanda?" He stared at her in shock. "I never got a letter from you telling me you went to Nanda. I never heard anything. I went to Enshii to get you and take you back to Kyoto with me so I could keep you safe, but.... everything was gone. Dear God, Tokio...." Saitoh suddenly pulled her close to his chest and buried his face against her neck. "I wanted to die when I saw the burnt ruin of the house. All I could think of was you dying in there inside the flames." He choked. "I thought I
would die just from the pain of knowing I had failed you."
"Failed me?" She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly as tears began sliding down her face in uncontrolled streams. "You never failed me, Anata. Never."
"Yes, I did." He raised up and looked into her tear streaked face. "I left you behind when your place was at my side, where I could protect you. It was my duty, my responsibility, and I failed. I should have taken you with me in the very beginning. I never should have let you out of my sight. I lost all reason to live when you died." Saitoh pressed his forehead against Tokio's. "My heart died."
"Saitoh... I have been dead all these years as well. I thought you died in the Kyoto Fires. That is why I finally came here to live. It was the closest I could come to being with you."
"I still love you, beautiful zenrei. I will always love you." Hiko quietly left unnoticed by the couple, silently closing the door behind him.
Tokio was crying again and pressing soft kisses all over his face and neck. "Saitoh... Anata... I have loved you all my life. You were my life. I will always love you too." The hand that held her neck cupped the back of her head so he could cover her mouth with his. She moaned and pushed herself up into the kiss wrapping her arms more tightly around his shoulders and burying one hand deep into the thickness of this silver-grey hair.
"Zenrei." He whispered unevenly as he felt her mold her softness against him. His mouth left her full lips and slid a moist hot path down her throat to her delicate collar bone. She whimpered with passion as he untied her obi and slid her kimono open. His callous roughened hands slid around the sensitive skin of her waist. One pressed into the small of her back pulling her into the hardness of his need, the other slid tantalizingly up her spine until it spread out between her shoulders and crushed her against his chest. The soft cotton of his uniform rubbed sensuously against her sensitive nipples making them harden and turn into little pebbles. Saitoh could feel her desire pressed against his chest, and, raising his head from her throat, he gazed at her beautiful breasts taking note of her arousal. "Zenrie..." He rasped and scooped her up into his arms while his long legs carried them back to her bedroom. It did not look like Captain Fujita would be back to the office anytime soon as he slid the fusuma closed with his boot.
***************
"Do you think it is too late for us, Saitoh?" Tokio's words were muffled against the curve of his throat. "Can we be together again, or has too much time past for us?" It was easy to hear the sadness in her voice, but the question was an honest concern. Nearly 13 years had past since they had lived together as husband and wife, and she wanted to know if he thought it was feasible that they could do it now when they had both evolved into such different people.
Saitoh considered her question thoughtfully for several moments before he answered. "It has been many years since we lived together, and we are both very different people than we were in those days. I have lived my life in a solitary manner purposely, and it has become my way." He felt her burrow closer to his side and pressed her nose into his neck. The arm around her tightened in response, and he pulled her closer. "But I am not saying I do not think I can change, zenrei." He whispered into her hair trying to comfort the trembling that suddenly seized her body. "You would have to understand our life cannot be the way it was before either."
"I know that." She said. "I just want to know if you think there is a chance we could ever be together... at all."
"If you are asking me if I want to be your husband again, or if I want you to be my wife again, then I have only one answer to give you." He paused until she pulled back and looked at him with uncertain eyes. "I would have to say... Yes. I want both of those things." A brilliant smile bloomed across her lovely face, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly as she pressed her mouth against his.
"Saitoh, I love you. I love you so much." She kissed him again and again, until he finally rolled her over beneath him and devoured her mouth with his own.
"Aishiteru zenrei. You are all I ever wanted." His knee slid between her thighs and spread them so he could settle his hips intimately against her. "You are all I will ever want, and we will find a way to begin again." The moist strength of his tongue penetrated her mouth making her moan deep within her chest, and part her legs farther so she could wrap them around his waist. A rough primitive growl rumbled in his throat as he pulled her into the circle of his closest embrace and
joined their bodies. "You are my Aisai, and I refuse to live without you again." His voice was a husky rasp in this throat. "We will begin again, and learn to love and accept the people we are now." Saitoh raised himself up on his elbows and sought out Tokio's passion filled eyes. "I will not lose you again, Tokio. You are my zenrei. My tenshi, and my aijou." He lowered his mouth to hers again. "Tadaima kishii..." I am home.
Tears slid out of Tokio's eyes and were lost in the darkness of her hair as she pulled her Anata, her beloved Husband, down to her and held him tightly against her heart.
"Aishiteru Anata..." She murmured against his lips as they covered hers. "Aisheteru."
"Aishiteru Zenrei." He replied. "Aishiteru Itsumademo." Forever.
****************
The next morning black rain clouds darkened the skies above the city of Kyoto, and an ill wind blew through the narrow streets leaving behind feelings of unease as it went. Barely enough light filtered through the swollen grey masses to light the world and herald the coming of morning.
Gloom and sadness clung to the Aioya just as it had done ever since Kenshin and Soujirou had brought and unconscious Aoshi back the day before. When Misao had seen the limp form of the tall dark ninja hanging between the two shorter men, she had nearly gone into hysterics. It had taken hours to calm her and quiet her tears, and even now she would not leave his side as he remained in bed with a severe concussion from the blow Elsbeth had delivered to his head.
In their room, Kenshin and Kaoru were lost deep within their own gloomy world beneath the blackened sky. Kenshin had been in a deeply depressed mood ever since coming back from the prison and his confrontation with Elsbeth. He had not yet told Kaoru everything about the other woman only the important details she had to know. She did not need to know about his past romantic ties with the Woman.
Kaoru had broken down into tears when he explained to her about the mazes inside the prison and how large it was.
"How can we find him in two days, Kenshin?"
"We cannot. It is impossible. I do not know what to do anymore." They had both fallen into despair at that moment. Now it seemed all they could do was hold each other and wait for the end to come and pass. The struggle was over, and they had failed.
This was the scene that greeted Hiko when he returned to the Aoiya after reuniting Saitoh and Tokio the day before.
"What in the hell is going on here? It looks like someone's favorite chicken got eaten by the neighbors." He looked around in total confusion and concern. Okina and the others were kneeling and sitting around the Aoiya in different places. "Where is Kenshin?" He asked the old man. Okina pointed towards the room.
"He and Kamiya-dono have not come out since yesterday afternoon."
"What the hell happened? It feels like a funeral in here." Hiko could feel a great sadness coming from Okina and it was making him very nervous as well as increasing his level of concern by the moment.
"Come, Seijurou-san and sit with me. I will do my best to explain things to you. It is a terrible tragedy for all of us." Okina led Hiko to a private room where they sat down facing each other. "It grieves me to tell you this, Seijurou-san, but young Myojin-san's life can no longer be saved. He is doomed as are we all."
"You cannot be serious. We have not even begun the process of trying to locate him. How can his life be forfeit already?" He was almost shouting in his shock.
"Himura, Aoshi, and Seta-san found him yesterday."
"They what?" Hiko nearly fell over.
"It was an idea Misao had actually, and Aoshi took it and surmised that it was a logical assumption."
"What was that?"
"That Myojin-san was being held somewhere where he could be locked up without being bound or restricted, but still be kept without risk of escape or discovery."
"I see. That is logical. Where did that assumption lead them?"
"The underground prison beneath the old Monestary."
Hiko's eyes grew wide with a horrible understanding. "Oh Kami... What a horrible place, but it would be perfect." Closing his eyes, he cradled a pain in his heart for the boy. "What happened? I assume they went there?"
"Yes, they went. Himura, Aoshi, and Seta-san, but they never actually made it into the prison. They ran into Lady Katsura herself and her Man in Black."
"Kuso!"
"There was a confrontation that left the Man in Black dead, Aoshi injured, and Lady Katsura loose in the city. However; the problem is that no one knows where inside the prison young Myojin is. Only the Man in Black knew the exact location. Himura's plan was to lay in wait for
him, and follow him inside to the place the boy was being kept, but he died before the information could be told." Okina's face reflected the weight of his sadness. Himura tried to get the information out of the woman, but she refused to tell him anything. He is not even sure she knows how to get to the boy."
"Well, if she does not, then that gives us time to find him."
"No, it does not. Myojin-san will suffocate from lack of clean air before any of you could reach him. There are no air vents in the prison. The only way clean air is exchanged is when the outer doors are opened to the outside tunnels."
"Oh God...." Large brown hands rose to cover Hiko's distressed face. "Is there nothing we can do? Nothing at all?"
"Nothing. There is no one alive who knows the way in and out of the prison maze. You know it was built as a labyrinth to keep prisoners from escaping. They would die or be recaptured long before they ever found their way out."
"Yes, I knew that. So we are doomed? Is that it? We give up?"
"Listen to me, Hiko." Okina leaned forward into the large man's face. "The only way in and out of there is a map, and the only maps ever made were kept by the Shinsengumi. After the end of the Revolution, they were all destroyed by the Meiji so the prison could never be used again.
There are no more maps."
Hiko's mind was spinning wildly. "The Shinsengumi... Saitoh!" He was muttering under his breath and Okina could not hear him. Suddenly he leapt to his feet and raced from the room bounding across the yard to the fusuma of Kenshin's room. He knocked on it sharply and called out
Kenshin's name in a loud desperate voice, but it was Kaoru that opened the door. Hiko sucked in his breath when he took in the look of utter despair about her.
"Kaoru..." He whispered in concern completely forgetting all honorifics. At the sound of her real name spoken with such gentle concern on his lips, she burst into tears and walked into his strong arms pressing her face against his broad chest. Hiko looked over her head and saw Kenshin sitting on the floor, his sakobatou at his side. His head was bent low, hands folded in his lap. The slump of his shoulders shouted his grief in volumes within the silent room. "Kenshin..."
Hiko helped Kaoru back into the room, closed the door behind them, and took her over to where Kenshin sat on the floor. He assisted her to kneel and then sat across from her so the three of them formed a small circle. The sadness and oppression in the small room was suffocating, and he wanted so much to reach out to both of them and offer his comfort, but he did not know how so he tried to offer them hope instead.
"I may know a way to save Myojin-san, yet." Kenshin's head shot up, and deep purple eyes filled with terrible anguish locked gazes with Hiko's emerald greeen. "It is a small chance, but it is a chance."
"What is it? Any chance is a chance." Kenshin's voice was a raspy shadow of its usual tenor. "I am out of options here, so there is nothing to lose. One way or the other, Yahiko may be lost to me anyway. I must take every chance. Tell me your idea."
"Okina mentioned that the prison was pretty much used exclusively by the Shinsengumi during the Revolution."
"That is correct."
"He also mentioned that they had it built as a maze purposefully to reduce the number of successful escapes because of the difficulties encountered by prisoners while trying to find the way out."
"That is also true."
"The Shinsengumi kept maps of the prison. Okina said the Meiji destroyed them after the Revolution so the prison could not be used again."
"Yes, they did that. The Government Officials felt it was not a humane enough structure even for prisoners. Hundreds of them died from simple suffocation during the War because there were not any working clean air exchanges, but because it is directly under the City, it could not be destroyed without causing damage to the upper ground levels. So they just burned the maps and destroyed all the keys." Kenshin became curious. "What are you getting at, Master?"
"Saitoh."
"Saitoh?" Kenshin and Kaoru looked at each other in bewilderment. "What does Saitoh have to do with any of this?"
"Saitoh was the leader of the 4th squadron of the Shinsengumi and considered a valuable officer within their ranks. He also held the distinction of being known as the 'Wolf of Mibu', which was no small thing in itself. But most of all, he was one smart sonofabitch."
"You think he kept a map of the prison. Don't you?"
"I am thinking it is a very good possibility. Saitoh is no fool, and I cannot see him giving over every single piece of information the Shinsengumi had just because the Government told him too."
"You do have a point there." A small spark of hope lit in the dark purple eyes. "What do you propose?"
"We ask him. He is in this thing just as deeply as the rest of us. If he has a copy of the map, he will give it to us. I have no doubt about that."
"Are you serious? You really believe he would part with something like that?" Kenshin looked skeptical.
"Yes, I do. Saitoh is an asshole, but he's not a stupid asshole." Hiko offered a bland smile. "Besides, he is my friend and I trust him." Kenshin gapped at that remark. Hiko and Saitoh friends?? Wonders and miracles would never cease in the world if he had lived to see a friendship form between the two most antagonistic men he had ever known.
"What is wrong with you? Do you not think I can have friends? Baka-deshi. Get up off your ass and get moving. We need to get to the Station and find out if he has a map because if he does not, then we are going to have to come up with another idea. Because I am not ready to live in Hell yet. I can wait until I die to do that." He rose gracefully to his feet. "So get up and move, Kenshin, and find that flying maniac of a son you adopted. We should take him with us too."
Then he was gone out the door.
"Kenshin?" Kaoru's voice was anxious and hopeful as she turned his face to meet her eyes.
"I do not know, koishii." He cupped her cheek and studyied her worried face. "I do not know, but suddenly there is another chance to find our son, and I am not going to waste it." He leaned into her, parted her lips with his, and kissed her with loving tenderness. "Aishiteru Kaoru." He murmured against her mouth. "We must keep trying until there is nothing left to do."
"I love you too, Saiai." Please come back to me."
"I will. We will all come back. The three of us together. Myself and our two sons, and then you and I will make this mismatched group of souls into a real Ikke, and we will have a real Ikka together. I promise you."
"A Family and a Home." Kaoru cupped Kenshin's face in both her hands and kissed his mouth. "You remember that, my beautiful ruroni. You remember what you have to come back to, and what is waiting here for you."
"I will remember, koishii if you will remember something for me."
"What?" Blue sapphires gazed lovingly at him.
Kenshin pressed his nose against hers, threaded his fingers through her long ebony hair, and whispered softly. "I am not a 'ruroni' anymore."
"No." She breathed back as her hands stroked his smooth face. "You are my Aijou, my Aman, and my Anata." A smiled crossed his face for the first time since coming back from the prison the day before, and it turned his eyes back to their usual brilliant violet.
"You are my Tenshi, Kaoru. My light and my Life." His head tilted slightly and his mouth found hers again. 'You are my Aisai. Aishiteru beautiful Kaoru. Aishieteru."