Chapter Three: Always Gonna Be The 'Bad Girl'
Mary felt the fury growing inside of her. She could not believe that all her suspicions were true, that her parents really thought that she was a failure. She knew that they had always given her a less than friendly welcome but until now she had always wanted to believe that she was just being paranoid. They were her parents, the people that had given her life, the people that were supposed to be the ones who would love her unconditionally and be there for her no matter what.
She turned to look at her husband, "If I don't say anything now I never will."
"I know," Carlos replied as he moved towards her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, no," Mary explained shaking her head slightly. "I want to share everything with you."
She slipped her hands into Carlos' as she turned to her parents and carefully chose her words. She wanted to make sure that they understood exactly what she was saying and how she felt.
"But since you think I'm such a disappointment, I don't want you to see our baby." She spoke in a soft voice as she tried to keep her temper and moved both hers' and Carlos' hands in a protective stance over her stomach. She took a deep breath, she was not going to explode and let her parents think that her emotions had gotten the better of her. "I want our baby to grow up in a loving atmosphere, one where he or she will be supported by the family and not one where they think that they were purely a result of their mother's past 'failures.' And if you're in our lives."
"Mary," Annie said in an exasperated sigh that dismissed what her daughter was saying. "You are very emotional at the moment and don't realize what you are saying."
"Your mother's right, you're being unreasonable."
"Hold on a minute," Carlos said, his voice rising as he moved to stand in front of Mary. How could parents say these kinds of things to their own daughter? "How dare you call her unreasonable and emotional. What kind of Christians are you? You're hypocrites and if you can't love your child, what right have you in her life, let alone give her your opinions of how she has 'messed' up her life."
"We are talking to our daughter and have every right to tell her our opinions." Annie interrupted. "But what right to you have to interfere with this?"
"I'm her husband." Carlos told them with his voice growing louder. "I love her, we are going to raise our child together in that love and esta loco."
"Carlos," Mary interrupted in a gentle voice, trying to hide the grin that was appearing inside her. She could not believe that Carlos would call her parents insane. "It's okay I can deal with this."
"Without shouting, screaming, sulking, running away or getting arrested."
"I wondered when you were going to bring this up. And please let me finish before you interrupt me." Mary replied as she let out her own small sigh and sat down in her seat. Don't lose it, she reminded herself, stay cool and get your point across. She ran her hands through her hair to give herself some more time. "Yes, I got arrested when I was seventeen, but for what? I didn't kill anybody, I didn't even hurt anyone, I didn't do or sell drugs and I didn't steal anything. All I did was throw some toilet paper around and use a bit of spray paint.
Yes it was stupid. But I was seventeen; I was a teenager growing up in a goldfish bowl that I didn't ask to be in. And all that I had done wrong previous to that was let my grades slip, and the slide wasn't even that bad, I went from A's and B's to mostly C's and a couple of D's and a few B's. But I was still passing my year and was going to have a scholarship to do the thing I loved.
I wasn't doing that bad in my goldfish bowl. But I slipped, I blew it, I wasn't perfect and gave into that anger I was feeling that one night. I followed my teammates and did something very stupid. And I'm not saying that I wasn't in the wrong because I was.
But I felt myself growing up very quickly that year. I was forced to accept my punishment and I did, I finished my community service and in five years I should have my conviction wiped off my record. But it wasn't only my punishment I had to deal with, there was so much more.
In forty-eight hours I changed from Varsity captain, something that I had put years of work into, and one of the most popular girls in school to nothing, no, less than nothing. I was hated by some, the object of rumors and ridicule to others and my life became very hard. I'd lost any trust and respect that I had worked so hard to get, which I've never gotten back.
I'm always going to be that bad girl, the prodigal daughter that always makes mistakes. But all those mistakes have made me grow up into the woman and adult I am now.
I turned my life around at school. I got my grades back, not to straight A's but back up there. I bit my tongue and got on with life and then decided that I wasn't sure I wanted to go to school. I mean the reason I was going to school before was so that I could play basketball but now that option was gone from me.
I was at a crossroads in my life and I needed help and support. But instead you shipped me away to the middle of nowhere, and at the time you wondered why I was angry. And all my crime was; was getting into debt, something that many eighteen year olds do and experimenting with a few new things and yes this did include drinking. But it was the odd beer and hardly a binge session.
Yet again though I got my life back on track. I got a job, cleared my debts. I own my apartment and I'm financial independent. I'm an adult. And I still have my job, a job I love, one that gives me real life experiences, so I'm far from being unemployable. And then I got married."
Mary broke from her speech for a moment as she slipped her hands' into Carlos' hands and smiled at him.
"I got married to a truly wonderful man who loves me as much as I love him. And yes I'm young, but no younger than Matt or Lucy. And yes it was fast, but no faster than Matt's marriage, at least we dated and even lived together first. And yes we are still learning, but we are doing this independently, we live on our own and are building our lives together without moving back in with my family.
And then after all that, after I'd gotten married, I got pregnant. It was unexpected and unplanned, but it is the best surprise that we have ever had. We could not be happier about the fact that we are going to have a baby.
And we want others to share that happiness and if you are not going to do that and just be critical of us and our baby we don't want you in our lives."
Mary stopped speaking as she got to her feet, "I think we should go now."
Next Chapter: Mary says her final goodbye
Mary felt the fury growing inside of her. She could not believe that all her suspicions were true, that her parents really thought that she was a failure. She knew that they had always given her a less than friendly welcome but until now she had always wanted to believe that she was just being paranoid. They were her parents, the people that had given her life, the people that were supposed to be the ones who would love her unconditionally and be there for her no matter what.
She turned to look at her husband, "If I don't say anything now I never will."
"I know," Carlos replied as he moved towards her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, no," Mary explained shaking her head slightly. "I want to share everything with you."
She slipped her hands into Carlos' as she turned to her parents and carefully chose her words. She wanted to make sure that they understood exactly what she was saying and how she felt.
"But since you think I'm such a disappointment, I don't want you to see our baby." She spoke in a soft voice as she tried to keep her temper and moved both hers' and Carlos' hands in a protective stance over her stomach. She took a deep breath, she was not going to explode and let her parents think that her emotions had gotten the better of her. "I want our baby to grow up in a loving atmosphere, one where he or she will be supported by the family and not one where they think that they were purely a result of their mother's past 'failures.' And if you're in our lives."
"Mary," Annie said in an exasperated sigh that dismissed what her daughter was saying. "You are very emotional at the moment and don't realize what you are saying."
"Your mother's right, you're being unreasonable."
"Hold on a minute," Carlos said, his voice rising as he moved to stand in front of Mary. How could parents say these kinds of things to their own daughter? "How dare you call her unreasonable and emotional. What kind of Christians are you? You're hypocrites and if you can't love your child, what right have you in her life, let alone give her your opinions of how she has 'messed' up her life."
"We are talking to our daughter and have every right to tell her our opinions." Annie interrupted. "But what right to you have to interfere with this?"
"I'm her husband." Carlos told them with his voice growing louder. "I love her, we are going to raise our child together in that love and esta loco."
"Carlos," Mary interrupted in a gentle voice, trying to hide the grin that was appearing inside her. She could not believe that Carlos would call her parents insane. "It's okay I can deal with this."
"Without shouting, screaming, sulking, running away or getting arrested."
"I wondered when you were going to bring this up. And please let me finish before you interrupt me." Mary replied as she let out her own small sigh and sat down in her seat. Don't lose it, she reminded herself, stay cool and get your point across. She ran her hands through her hair to give herself some more time. "Yes, I got arrested when I was seventeen, but for what? I didn't kill anybody, I didn't even hurt anyone, I didn't do or sell drugs and I didn't steal anything. All I did was throw some toilet paper around and use a bit of spray paint.
Yes it was stupid. But I was seventeen; I was a teenager growing up in a goldfish bowl that I didn't ask to be in. And all that I had done wrong previous to that was let my grades slip, and the slide wasn't even that bad, I went from A's and B's to mostly C's and a couple of D's and a few B's. But I was still passing my year and was going to have a scholarship to do the thing I loved.
I wasn't doing that bad in my goldfish bowl. But I slipped, I blew it, I wasn't perfect and gave into that anger I was feeling that one night. I followed my teammates and did something very stupid. And I'm not saying that I wasn't in the wrong because I was.
But I felt myself growing up very quickly that year. I was forced to accept my punishment and I did, I finished my community service and in five years I should have my conviction wiped off my record. But it wasn't only my punishment I had to deal with, there was so much more.
In forty-eight hours I changed from Varsity captain, something that I had put years of work into, and one of the most popular girls in school to nothing, no, less than nothing. I was hated by some, the object of rumors and ridicule to others and my life became very hard. I'd lost any trust and respect that I had worked so hard to get, which I've never gotten back.
I'm always going to be that bad girl, the prodigal daughter that always makes mistakes. But all those mistakes have made me grow up into the woman and adult I am now.
I turned my life around at school. I got my grades back, not to straight A's but back up there. I bit my tongue and got on with life and then decided that I wasn't sure I wanted to go to school. I mean the reason I was going to school before was so that I could play basketball but now that option was gone from me.
I was at a crossroads in my life and I needed help and support. But instead you shipped me away to the middle of nowhere, and at the time you wondered why I was angry. And all my crime was; was getting into debt, something that many eighteen year olds do and experimenting with a few new things and yes this did include drinking. But it was the odd beer and hardly a binge session.
Yet again though I got my life back on track. I got a job, cleared my debts. I own my apartment and I'm financial independent. I'm an adult. And I still have my job, a job I love, one that gives me real life experiences, so I'm far from being unemployable. And then I got married."
Mary broke from her speech for a moment as she slipped her hands' into Carlos' hands and smiled at him.
"I got married to a truly wonderful man who loves me as much as I love him. And yes I'm young, but no younger than Matt or Lucy. And yes it was fast, but no faster than Matt's marriage, at least we dated and even lived together first. And yes we are still learning, but we are doing this independently, we live on our own and are building our lives together without moving back in with my family.
And then after all that, after I'd gotten married, I got pregnant. It was unexpected and unplanned, but it is the best surprise that we have ever had. We could not be happier about the fact that we are going to have a baby.
And we want others to share that happiness and if you are not going to do that and just be critical of us and our baby we don't want you in our lives."
Mary stopped speaking as she got to her feet, "I think we should go now."
Next Chapter: Mary says her final goodbye