Believing

Chapter 5

Author's note: This is an AU Carby that takes place in the future. I hope you enjoy this last chapter and that you review!!

It's important to know that this takes place about a month after Carter left home, and that while the first chapters with Abby's POV took place in the present, this chapter still takes place after that, about a month and a half after the first chapter , and a month after the second one.

Thanks for reviewing chapter 4!

Disclaimer: I don't know anything you recognize from ER, though I really wish I owned John Carter, or at least be able to borrow him for a while :)

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I fumbled with the key card for a few seconds before the door of my motel room opened. Not having the strenght to stay on my feet much longer, I hurried inside and sat down on the small couch, sighing. I felt completely emotionally drained.

I'd never thought I would meet him.

The only survivor of the accident, the father.

His name was Cole Wyatt, and he had come to the ER this evening, wanting to talk with me.

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In my shocked daze, I had somehow managed to tell Jerry I was going on a break, and together we went across the street to Doc Magoo's. We had gotten a table and sat down in complete silence, and as we ordered I found myself unable to meet his gaze.

"Dr. Carter?" he asked softly, and I forced myself to look at him, feeling the guilt course through me as I met his dark green eyes. They were unbearably sad, but in an almost resigned way.

"John" I said, not knowing were I had found my voice, but not standing to hear this man call me a doctor, a savior of lives.

He nodded. "I've been wanting to meet with you for some time," he paused running a hand through his light brown hair, "but I decided to wait until I was completely recovered. I didn't want to ask you to meet me in my hospital room." He attempted to smile.

I continued to look at him, just nodding awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

"Um, I don't know how to say this but I guess I..", he faltered, "I guess I wanted to see if you were alright."

I was taken aback by this. How could he worry about me after all what had happened to him?

He noticed this and smiled softly.

"I guess I knew you might be blaming yourself for what happened." he started, pausing to take a drink from his coffee, "I blamed you at first you know. You, that drunken driver that caused you to swerve into our car and myself. It was awful, just laying in my hospital bed spending half of the day mourning for my family, for what I had lost and the other half blaming and hating everybody."

My mind was flooded with thoughts. I felt total despair for what that man had gone through, and in knowing that indeed, he had blamed me for what had happened.

My grip on the cup of coffee I was having became stronger and I felt the sudden urge to leave and try to forget about what he had told me. But I couldn't. I owed this man, whose life had been completely shattered, the chance to say all the things he needed to. Even if I couldn't take it.

I was brought back to reality when he started to talk again, his voice, not the one of a man full of hatred.

"I spend a whole month like that. Before I realized how wrong I was. I don't know how but one day I was able to look at the pictures of my son, Blake, and not feel hatred or complete despair. I actually remembered the good things, you know. His smile, his voice, his laugh, and I felt better. I realized it wasn't my fault or yours. It was an accident, and even thought I do believe it was the drunk driver's fault, I decided I'd stop hating him because he's already receiving his punishment in jail. I don't want to ruin my family's memory with anger for what happened."

"I'm sorry", I said, not knowing what else to say, feeling completely amazed by this man's strenght.

He sighed.

"It's getting better, slowly, but it is. I know you are a husband and a father as well, and I just wanted to tell you, from experience, that you should try to spend as much time with them as you can. Enjoy every moment you get with them, and please don't waste it blaming yourself. I can tell you're doing enough of that already."

He stopped, and my eyes started to fill with tears, even though I never let them fall.

"Thank you", I said, "I don't think I'd be as forgiving if I had been in your situation."

"I have nothing to forgive you."

" I...I don't believe that."

"You should, it's the truth. I don't want to ruin your life because of an accident, I can't help if mine was but you can, and you should." he told me, his voice raising a little.

"It's going to take some time. I don't...it's not easy." I whispered.

"You have to."

"I'll try." I said nodding, and he nodded back.

"Well then, I guess that's all I can do.", he stood up, "I'll see you around."

"Thanks again"

"I needed to do that, I felt terrible after hating you for so long. You can call it closure."

I nodded and watched as he turned around and left, feeling utterly confused, but at the same tiem better than I had in a long time.

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And now at seven o' clock P.M., I was back at the motel room, watching the rain fall down, unable to stop thinking about the encounter. I still found it difficult to believe.

He had been nice.

I had always thought he would hate me. He had all the reasons to. I had ruined his life.

And he did, at first, but today, he had told me he had had no reason to blame me at all.

I felt inmensely relieved. Because of what he'd told me, I felt like there was a small chance he was right. It really was not my fault.

And even if it was, if he had been able to forgive me, then I was allowed to try and forgive myself as well.

And I wanted to try.

Slowly, as I remembered how I'd treated my own family for the past couple of months I started feeling an horrible dread.

What if I had already ruined everything?

I had been a complete idiot with Abby, with John, with Olivia.

Would they forgive me?

I knew I had to try and make it better.

The least I could do was apologize.

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It was seven o' clock and it was raining. I was very tired, but I was still reading the kids a bedtime story. Both of them were tucked in my bed, one on each side of it, with me in the middle. I was reading their favorite story but i could see John pouting.

"What's the matter sweetie?" I asked him stopping the story halfway through.

"You aren't doing the voices." he whined softly.

"What voices?" I asked.

"The ones dad used to do." Olivia said angrily. She had been so mad at her daddy for leaving, that when anything remembered her of him, she got angry.

I felt a knot in my throat, and tried to stop my eyes from filling with tears.

"Oh" I said simply. "Sorry kids, but you'll have to hear the voices I do now." I tried, hoping to sound cheerful.

Olivia frowned, but nodded. Little John, on the other hand, got all excited at the prospect of his mummy doing funny voices and laughed, prompting me to continue.

Once the story was over, I waited a little while to make the kids were completelly asleep before getting out of bed slowly, and going to the bathroom and finally cry.

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It was eleven, and I had been dozing in and out of sleep for some time, the soothing sound of the rain falling helping me doze off, but with Johnny's constant moving on my right, it was difficult to stay asleep for long.

I heard a sound that startled me from my sleepy state. It sounded like there was a car parking right in front of our front yard. As the noises continued, I decided to get out of bed to see through the window what may be going on.

I managed, to see through the thick rain, what seemed like a taxi, parked in front of our house, and a tall figure getting out of it. I put on my robe, and went down stairs quietly, to see who had come at such an hour.

I opened the front door, carefully, so I wouldn't get wet and as soon as I recognized the person sitting on the front porch, I felt a complete and utter shock wash through me.

Forgetting all previous desires to stay dry I went outside to meet him.

As I sat next to him, he jumped and turned to me in surprise.

"I didn't hear you come." he whispered softly, not looking at me.

"You woke me up" I said, completely bewildered at what was going on.

"Sorry", he said sheepishly, "I didn't mean to."

"Then why are you coming here so late?" I asked, a bit irritated.

"I don't know", he paused, "I just... I needed to speak to you so I just came. I didn't notice the time until I was here." He finally looked up at me and my heart fluttered when I saw his eyes. They were sad, confused and hopeful. They were so full of emotion and so beautiful I was left speechless for a moment.

"So what were you planning to do, sit out here all night?" I half-joked not knowing what to do.

"Maybe" he said, again a bit sheepish, "I was trying to figure that out."

"Well I'm here now, what did you want to tell me?" I asked him, trying to keep myself from getting my hopes up.

"I...I wanted to apologize, for how I've behaved since the accident. I was blaming myself for what happened, I guess I still am, but that gave me no right to treat you, or the kids like that. It gave me no right to leave you. It gave me no right to hurt you. And.." his voice started breaking, and I saw his eyes fill with tears. As he started talking again a couple fo them fell down his face, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know it's a lot to expect you to forgive so I'm not. I just needed to tell you this. I needed you to know.

He stopped talking, but his tears continued, breaking my heart with each sob. I couldn't help myself and just hugged him tightly, starting crying and quietly comforting him, forgiving him. We stayed like that for some time until he broke away from the hug, slowly wiping his tears, not really making much difference, we were both soaked from the rain.

"I'm still not over what happened. I'm far from it. I need time. But I want us to be a family, to stay together. I love you so much. I love you all so much." he resumed his crying and I hugged him again, kising his forehead softly.

This time I'm the one who breaks the hug, slowly standing up. He looked up at me confused, and I offered him my hand. He took it, with a small smile, the first time he'd smiled in months and together we made our way back to our house, completely soaked but completely happy.

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I know we still have a long way before things are actually the way they were.

Actually I don't know if they'll ever be the same.

But we've got another chance.

That's all we need.

After all, I guess I can still believe in happily ever after.

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The End.

That's it. I hope you liked it and thanks for all the support I've been getting for this fic. I'm sorry I took so long, but i've been terribly busy, and to top it all with a terrible writer's block. Thanks again, and please review!

Ariana