Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is Harry Potter, and I do not own any movie that these ideas come from. This is simply just for fun.

AN: I was watching Not Another Teen Movie the other night, and I got to thinking how funny it would be if this was a HP fanfic. Needless to say I started in on it right away. The list of characters are below so you can get an idea who everyone will sort of be. Now remember everyone will be completely OOC, but hey, its my fic and I can make them any way I want them to be. This fic will be written a very different way then most others. I promise by the end everything will make sense. If you have any questions feel free to email me.

Harry Potter ~ The Popular Jock

Hermione Granger ~ The Pretty Ugly Girl

Ron Weasley ~ The Obsessed Best Friend

Draco Malfoy ~ The Cocky Blonde Guy

Lee Jordan ~ The Token Black Guy

George & Fred Weasley ~ The Voices of Reason

Ginny Weasley ~ The Invisible Friend

Angelina Johnson ~ Cheerleader Number One

Alicia Spinnet ~ Cheerleader Number Two

Katie Bell ~ Cheerleader Number Three

Seamus Finnegan ~ The Desperate Virgin

Dean Thomas ~ The Wannabe

Neville Longbottom ~ The Sensitive Guy

Dumbledore ~ The Really Old Perverted Guy

Fleur Delacour ~ The Foreign Exchange Student

Crabbe & Goyle ~ The Equally Stupid Guys

Cho Chang ~ The Perfect Girl

Oliver Wood ~ The Beautiful Weirdo

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Not Another Harry Potter Teen Fiction!

By: Alicia C. Summers

Something was terribly wrong at Hogwarts. To Ron, things that were beginning to happen just weren't normal, but then again Ron Weasley wasn't the normal teenage boy in the first place. For one thing he happened to be one of seven children in his entire family, and then there was the fact that he was a wizard. A very hormonal wizard with an incredible crush on his best friend. No, not Harry Potter, in fact that was one of the strange things. Harry had completely blown him off to go hang out with a new group of kids, and that wasn't the only strange thing. Other people had changed completely as well, and not just a small change, A HUGE change. Take the Quidditch chasers Angelina, Alicia and Katie for example. They had always been sweet and utterly nice to him. Yet yesterday the completely snapped and began talking in this weird language referring everything and anything to Quidditch. If he wasn't mistaken he had actually heard Alicia Spinnet call herself the Quid-tator.

Anyway, his best friend had assured him that nothing had changed and that he was just coming down with some sort of bug. This best friend, Hermione Granger, had also assured him that masturbation was entirely healthy for people at their age, which was why he was alone in his dorm in the first place. Holding a picture of Hermione in one hand Ron reached for his bottle of lotion and sprawled out on his bed. His roommates, Dean, Seamus, Neville and Harry, wouldn't be back for hours, and that was all the time he needed to reach that pleasurable point. Actually he really only needed about 5.6 minutes to get the entire deed done.

He started slowly, murmuring to himself as he stared at the picture. If only Hermione knew how much she drove him crazy, but of course she didn't. She was too busy reading books and studying. What kind of normal teenage life was that!

"If only she were here right now" he thought, drooling over the picture of her. "Hermione, Oh Merlin, Hermione!" He called out and closed his eyes. If she couldn't be there at the moment, the best he could do was pretend she was there. Although it really didn't help that much. It also didn't help that just as he was about to reach his peak the door to his dorm slammed open and two giggling figures stumbled into the room.

"Ronnikins, what in the world are you doing?" George Weasley smirked as his identical twin brother Fred bounded in behind him.

"OOhh…uughh…ehhh…" Was all he managed to blurt out as he quickly brought his blankets up over the lower half of his body.

So close! I was so damn close!

"Ron, you look a little flushed. You feeling ok? " Fred took a few steps closer to his bed and reached out to touch his forehead.

"I'm fine! Just go away. Come back in a few minutes." His words were short and breathy and George and Fred just smirked more.

"Are you hiding something from us dear brother? What were you doing before we came in here?" George leaned across the bed and swiped the picture of Hermione which was conveniently sticking out from under the blanket. " Oh…I see now…"

"Give that back!" Ron's temper began to rise and he sat up a bit straighter in his bed. "That's mine!"

Fred just snickered and took the picture from George. " I do say George, I think little Ronnikins was doing something terribly explicit before we arrived. If you really want this picture mate I suggest you come and take it from us."

Ron lowered his gaze to his groin for a slight second before shaking his head. " I can't do that at the moment. Just give it here." He held out his clean hand and ushered for the picture.

"No can do chum, it looks like we will be confiscating this picture and hanging on the bulletin in the common room. We'll let everyone know you swoon over Hermione in the privacy of your dorm." They began to move towards the door and Ron felt his heart beat quicken.

If they post that, it will all be over for me!

"No!" Jumping from the bed, Ron held the blanket firmly around his waist, but it was no use. It was completely evident as to what he was doing before they came in.

"Oh my word!" George let out a giant howl. " Looks like little Ronnikins isn't so little after all."

Fred held his stomach in laughter and tossed the photo back to Ron. Turning towards George he let out a sigh and glanced around the room. " Do you see what's going on here George? Have you caught on to it yet? Everyone acting so strange, people doing things they wouldn't normally do. I mean did you get a look at who Harry was sitting with this morning? " George simply shook his head and Fred sighed. " Looks as though we're stuck in one of those sexual teenage stories. Like the ones they have in muggle movies. " George stared blankly at him and Ron furrowed his brow. " Oh come on, you know. There will be a drastic change in everyone I suppose. Someone will be pining over his best friend." He cocked his head towards Ron, " There will be a really popular guy who will make some sort of stupid bet with a cocky blonde guy. An ugly girl will suddenly become beautiful, and there will be loads of sexual content. "

"Oh! One of those! " George grinned.

" Actually I'm beginning to feel excited. Usually there's a really hot foreign girl who shows up. Perhaps she will take off her clothes for us. " Fred shrugged, " Looks like we will have to be the voice of reason for everyone. Merlin knows these kids will probably get out of hand."

"I agree old chap. " Heading out the door George angled his head towards Fred again. "You suppose this is some sort of spell? Someone a bit bored with the way things were going…ya know, changed things for the fun of it?"

"Quite possible, quite possible, but I do believe things are going to get frightening around here." Closing the door behind them Ron glanced around the vacant room and sighed.

"Frightening indeed…"

~~~~

Hermione Granger walked briskly towards the library dodging passing students in the process. The day had lagged on longer than usual, and all she could think about was getting back to her dormitory without running into anyone she might regret seeing. Turning the corner of the corridor, Hermione adjusted the stack of books in her arms just as she collided with another figure.

"Oh I'm really very sorry." She began, brushing off her robe and getting to her feet.

" I'm awfully sorry Hermione, I do hope you're ok. " Neville Longbottom smiled genuinely at her and got to his feet as well.

"Its alright Neville. I have this tendency to absorb myself in my own little world and disregard everything else around me. I'm a unique bookworm if you must know. " Picking up her books she glanced over her shoulder and gasped at what she saw. She had to get out of there before they saw her. " Sorry Neville, but I need to run. " Without another word Hermione took off down the hall, her body jerking in different directions as she ran.

"Well that was strange." Looking over his own shoulder Neville shook his head at the sight. " No wonder she took off." Leaning against the wall his eyes followed the small group as they approached. Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Lee Jordan, Crabbe and Goyle strolled by. In fact they strolled by in slow motion. It took nearly four minutes before they completely walked by Neville.

"God those guys are wack, yo…" Dean Thomas emerged from behind a group of girls with a smirking Seamus Finnegan.

"Listen guys, those jerks aren't our real problem. The real problem is my lonely member and the fact that we are possibly the only virgins left in this establishment!" Seamus rolled his eyes and started down the hall with his friends at his heels.

"Seamus you need to relax. It's perfectly normal that we still hold on to our virginity." Neville sighed again.

Moving down the hall a commotion up ahead caught their attention. It took a moment before they realized what exactly was going on, but by the looks of things Justin Finch-Fletchley and Hannah Abbot were completely naked and snogging in the corridor.

"Well my word." Neville thought, his eyes glued to the sight.

"Damn this makes me feel all good and what not." Dean smirked and continued to watch.

"If I don't get laid soon I wont hold myself accountable for anything I do…" Seamus groaned and pushed through the crowd but stopped abruptly.

There she was! Heading down the stairs Seamus felt his mouth grow dry as Cho Chang slowly moved by him.

"Wow, Cho Chang…." He sighed and pulled out a piece of parchment from his pocket. " I've been in love with her since first year…"

George Weasley was strolling down the corridor as he overheard this, and nearly choked at the words. Rushing over to Seamus he arched his eyebrow.

"Seamus, mate, you have never liked Cho Chang. In fact last year you said you wouldn't sleep with her if she was the last witch in school. Harry Potter is the one who wants to shag her, not you…" George let out a deep breath and stared between them. Unfortunately they all looked back at him with blank expressions. " Did you hear anything I said? Seamus you are not a desperate virgin! In fact you have slept with Lavender Brown more times then I've been with…well...that's not important. And Dean, you are not some wannabe black guy…if you haven't noticed…you really are, and Neville…Im not quite sure what you are, but you've basically stayed the same."

"Of course everything has stayed the same. In fact a few hours ago I let Dean fondle me for a bit like I always do…" Neville stated in a very assured voice.

George blinked. " Did any of you hear a word I just said? "

"What in bloody hell are you talking about George? " Seamus shook his head. " I've always loved Cho Chang. She is the perfect human specimen, and once I give her this letter I will make her mine." Seamus grinned and pulled on Deans robe. " Come on…we have work to do…" As they disappeared down the hall George groaned.

" We need to find out how to reverse this spell…" Slipping down the hall George went to look for Fred.