[a/n] sad but true, I do not owe Ken, Osamu or Daisuke which pretty damn well sucks.
Numb
I woke up very late that morning with a throbbing headache. I couldn't remember last night very clear until I realized I was on the floor practically naked. I sat up and looked around, no one was around. Last night was something I thought would never happen, let me start from the beginning.
Time is being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
don't know what your expecting of me
put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
It felt like any other day. I woke up that morning and got ready for school, I greeted my parents and Osamu in the kitchen. I sat down and ate my breakfast quietly, like I do everyday when I have a test at school. I was very unsure if I was going to do well but it seemed not to matter, after school I was going to see Daisuke, my boyfriend. He made me so happy and I felt so much like myself when me and him were together. After breakfast I headed for the door but before I walked out the door Osamu caught me by the shoulder, I turned around and smiled at him, genuinely.
"Remember what we went through last night?" He asked me.
"I remember, I think I'm gonna ace the test" I replied politely.
"Good, I hoped I wasn't wasting my time with you" He mumbled walking away from me. I felt slightly discouraged as I headed out the door and caught the bus to school.
caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone
every step that I take is another mistake to you
caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
Later after the test, the class got it's results back immediately...78 percent. That wasn't bad, in fact I thought it was alright but next time I would try harder. I went through the rest of the day daydreaming of when I see Daisuke tonight. He was so beautiful. He was goofy, silly and never thinking things straight through but that's what I loved about him. I remember the first time we kissed, we both were scared and nervous but yet it was beautiful and loving. I always love kissing him. I love holding him. I love everything about my Daisuke.
The bell rings, it's time to go home...for now. I pull out of my seat and make my way to my locker. I put some books back and take my weekend homework out and when everything was perfectly organized I locked my locker and walked away.
When I got home Osamu was sitting at the kitchen table. There was a feeling like he was waiting for me to come home and that he was waiting for me for a very serious reason.
"Hello, Osamu-sama" I used the formal because that's how he liked it as much as I thought it was silly for me to call him by "sama".
"Did you get you test result back?" He asked lowly.
"Yeah, I did!" I perked up handing him the test in my hand. He grabbed it from me, took one look and his face went red.
"78 percent?" He asked almost mad. "That's your mark?!" He shouted louder.
"I think it's good" I said.
"Your so stupid!" He screamed throwing the paper to the floor. "We went over everything! Everything! I wasted my precious time with you and all you can show me is a 78!"
"I'm sorry if I disappoint you, Osamu" Shortly after that my face was collided by a fist. I fell to the ground still trying to comprehend what just happened.
I become so numb
I can feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you
I rubbed my cheek in shock, before I could help myself he had me by my hair. I screamed as he dragged me up. I met eyes with him, mine almost tearing, his very mad. There was a silence in the room for a moment, then he let me go. I returned back to my knees. I was so scared and wasn't sure what he was going to do next to me.
"Your gonna pay for being a idiot, Ken" He warned as he took me by my hair again and dragged me into his room. He let me go for a minute as he locked the door behind us, I wanted to scream but there was no possible way I could find my voice. He turned to me and slapped me hard and in my moment of weakness he pushed me on the bed and...raped me. He raped me like I was a helpless little girl. I felt humiliated and guilty. This was my fault, I pissed him off, I deserve this and I will take my punishment like a real man would.
After is was over I laid there, numb. This felt weird and wrong. I felt sick and dirty and there was nothing I could do to help myself. Osamu fell asleep beside me, so I slowly crawled out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I took a warm bath, trying to scrub the guilt and dirtiness away, but no avail, I still felt dirty. I sat in the bath tub until the water went cold. I then slowly crawled out of the bath tub and got dressed. I didn't want to go see Daisuke, I felt too ashamed of myself.
Can't you see that you smothering me
holding to tightly, afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
is falling apart, right in front of you
There was a hard knock on the door about a hour later. I got up from the couch I had been sitting on and walked to the door. I opened the door to see Daisuke there, with worried eyes.
"Dude, where we're you?" He asked as he forcefully stepped into the apartment.
"I...I forgot?" I tried to give a quick answer.
"Yeah right, I'm not that stupid. What happened, man?" He asked again. I couldn't lie to him anymore. I fell right into his arms and cried so hard. I told him everything...everything. I felt him hold me closer as I told him the disgusting things that Osamu did to me, I could tell me was getting sick to his stomach.
"Sh, don't cry Ken. It will be alright" He assured me. I couldn't believe him, how could I? I felt taken and invaded and nothing was gonna be alright with that.
"Ken..." I heard a familiar voice call. I froze, it was Osamu. I pulled myself closer to Daisuke and he held me closer. "Ken, where are you?" I heard him voice get closer.
" I won't let anything happen to you, Ken" Daisuke whispered.
Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
every step that I take is another mistake to you
caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
every second I waste is more that I can take
Osamu appeared in the door way and noticed me and Daisuke tightly held together. I buried my face in Daisuke's sweater, he wouldn't let anything happen to me, right?
"Ken, on the count of three I want you to run out that door and don't stop until you reach the bottom of those stairs" He whispered his instructions to me. I nodded to show I understood. "One, two....three!" And I was out that door and down those stairs in record timing, there was a real reason why I was called the rocket, you know. I waited behind the stairs incase Osamu came down instead of Daisuke. I waited for about fifteen minutes until I heard footsteps. They did belong to my Daisuke, he looked around for me nervously. I could hear footsteps coming behind him. I jumped out of my hiding spot and he saw me. He took my hand we both started running into the streets and further until we reached a bus stop. I stopped and looked at Daisuke, he was out of breath.
"Ken, are you alright?" He asked looking at me.
"I'm so scared" I replied pulling him close.
"I know you are. Come on, we can make it to my place in about twenty minutes if we start now"
With that I took his hand and let him lead me to his apartment. I had never thought I would put trust in anyone early when I laid on Osamu's bed being pounded into, but something about Daisuke always let me trust him, but he was unable to break my numbness.
I become so numb
I can feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you
When we made it to his house he sat me on the couch as he looked around the spacious apartment to see if anyone was home. There was no one but his mother home.
"Oh, Ken. How are you?" She asked as she sat beside. I didn't want to lie to her either. Daisuke didn't lie she flat out told her what had happened. At first it looked like she didn't believe him until she looked back at me for a straight answer, like she does so many times. I nodded in agreement to what she had heard from Daisuke. Her eyes widened as she collaborated me in a embrace. I didn't feel very nervous, I had always trusted Daisuke's mother.
"We have to tell someone" Daisuke insisted.
"But, I" I started by I was interrupted by Mrs Motomiya.
"I agree. Get the Phone Daisuke" She commanded.
Daisuke had never really did what his mother told him to do but this of obviously an exception to him, he got on his feet and returned in a few seconds with the phone. She started dialling the numbers and began to shake a little more. Soon after she took me and Daisuke down to the station and there in handcuffs, I saw my own brother. He looked at me with fury, I can always tell when he is angry. I was then taken to a room with a table and two chairs and I sat down with a male cop as I told him everything that had happened.
"Can you tell me what happened, son?" He asked me.
"He raped me" I said very simply but very sadly.
"Was there a reason behind it?"
"I didn't do good enough on a test he helped me study for"
I watched him write down my answers as asserted them to him. After a few more questions he put his book down and started explaining to me what was going to happen.
"You will spend tonight in a hospital, we will copy his finger marks off your skin and will raid the apartment for evidence, can you tell me what you wore before he raped you?"
"My school uniform"
"That will be all. The woman that brought you in will be taking you to the hospital" He explained and left the room. After I minute I walked out and saw my own parents with Mrs Motomiya.
And I know you know this feeling too
"Ken, are you alright?" My mother asked as she held me tight.
"I can't believe this happened to you, son" My father stated to me.
"Don't you worry, Ken. You will never get hurt by him again. After the trail things will begin to heal" My Mother cried to me as she still cradled me in her arms.
"A trail?" I asked.
"Yes, Ken" She replied. This is something I do not want to do. Sit in the same room as that person and tell the judge, jury and a bunch of strangers how he tortured me. I sat down in a chair and cried.
TBC
Like? Don't like? Good reviews for the soul? Flames for marshmallows? *Holds out stick and bag of marshmallows* anyone?
Next chapter: trouble me
Numb
I woke up very late that morning with a throbbing headache. I couldn't remember last night very clear until I realized I was on the floor practically naked. I sat up and looked around, no one was around. Last night was something I thought would never happen, let me start from the beginning.
Time is being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
don't know what your expecting of me
put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
It felt like any other day. I woke up that morning and got ready for school, I greeted my parents and Osamu in the kitchen. I sat down and ate my breakfast quietly, like I do everyday when I have a test at school. I was very unsure if I was going to do well but it seemed not to matter, after school I was going to see Daisuke, my boyfriend. He made me so happy and I felt so much like myself when me and him were together. After breakfast I headed for the door but before I walked out the door Osamu caught me by the shoulder, I turned around and smiled at him, genuinely.
"Remember what we went through last night?" He asked me.
"I remember, I think I'm gonna ace the test" I replied politely.
"Good, I hoped I wasn't wasting my time with you" He mumbled walking away from me. I felt slightly discouraged as I headed out the door and caught the bus to school.
caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone
every step that I take is another mistake to you
caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
Later after the test, the class got it's results back immediately...78 percent. That wasn't bad, in fact I thought it was alright but next time I would try harder. I went through the rest of the day daydreaming of when I see Daisuke tonight. He was so beautiful. He was goofy, silly and never thinking things straight through but that's what I loved about him. I remember the first time we kissed, we both were scared and nervous but yet it was beautiful and loving. I always love kissing him. I love holding him. I love everything about my Daisuke.
The bell rings, it's time to go home...for now. I pull out of my seat and make my way to my locker. I put some books back and take my weekend homework out and when everything was perfectly organized I locked my locker and walked away.
When I got home Osamu was sitting at the kitchen table. There was a feeling like he was waiting for me to come home and that he was waiting for me for a very serious reason.
"Hello, Osamu-sama" I used the formal because that's how he liked it as much as I thought it was silly for me to call him by "sama".
"Did you get you test result back?" He asked lowly.
"Yeah, I did!" I perked up handing him the test in my hand. He grabbed it from me, took one look and his face went red.
"78 percent?" He asked almost mad. "That's your mark?!" He shouted louder.
"I think it's good" I said.
"Your so stupid!" He screamed throwing the paper to the floor. "We went over everything! Everything! I wasted my precious time with you and all you can show me is a 78!"
"I'm sorry if I disappoint you, Osamu" Shortly after that my face was collided by a fist. I fell to the ground still trying to comprehend what just happened.
I become so numb
I can feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you
I rubbed my cheek in shock, before I could help myself he had me by my hair. I screamed as he dragged me up. I met eyes with him, mine almost tearing, his very mad. There was a silence in the room for a moment, then he let me go. I returned back to my knees. I was so scared and wasn't sure what he was going to do next to me.
"Your gonna pay for being a idiot, Ken" He warned as he took me by my hair again and dragged me into his room. He let me go for a minute as he locked the door behind us, I wanted to scream but there was no possible way I could find my voice. He turned to me and slapped me hard and in my moment of weakness he pushed me on the bed and...raped me. He raped me like I was a helpless little girl. I felt humiliated and guilty. This was my fault, I pissed him off, I deserve this and I will take my punishment like a real man would.
After is was over I laid there, numb. This felt weird and wrong. I felt sick and dirty and there was nothing I could do to help myself. Osamu fell asleep beside me, so I slowly crawled out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I took a warm bath, trying to scrub the guilt and dirtiness away, but no avail, I still felt dirty. I sat in the bath tub until the water went cold. I then slowly crawled out of the bath tub and got dressed. I didn't want to go see Daisuke, I felt too ashamed of myself.
Can't you see that you smothering me
holding to tightly, afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
is falling apart, right in front of you
There was a hard knock on the door about a hour later. I got up from the couch I had been sitting on and walked to the door. I opened the door to see Daisuke there, with worried eyes.
"Dude, where we're you?" He asked as he forcefully stepped into the apartment.
"I...I forgot?" I tried to give a quick answer.
"Yeah right, I'm not that stupid. What happened, man?" He asked again. I couldn't lie to him anymore. I fell right into his arms and cried so hard. I told him everything...everything. I felt him hold me closer as I told him the disgusting things that Osamu did to me, I could tell me was getting sick to his stomach.
"Sh, don't cry Ken. It will be alright" He assured me. I couldn't believe him, how could I? I felt taken and invaded and nothing was gonna be alright with that.
"Ken..." I heard a familiar voice call. I froze, it was Osamu. I pulled myself closer to Daisuke and he held me closer. "Ken, where are you?" I heard him voice get closer.
" I won't let anything happen to you, Ken" Daisuke whispered.
Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
every step that I take is another mistake to you
caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone
every second I waste is more that I can take
Osamu appeared in the door way and noticed me and Daisuke tightly held together. I buried my face in Daisuke's sweater, he wouldn't let anything happen to me, right?
"Ken, on the count of three I want you to run out that door and don't stop until you reach the bottom of those stairs" He whispered his instructions to me. I nodded to show I understood. "One, two....three!" And I was out that door and down those stairs in record timing, there was a real reason why I was called the rocket, you know. I waited behind the stairs incase Osamu came down instead of Daisuke. I waited for about fifteen minutes until I heard footsteps. They did belong to my Daisuke, he looked around for me nervously. I could hear footsteps coming behind him. I jumped out of my hiding spot and he saw me. He took my hand we both started running into the streets and further until we reached a bus stop. I stopped and looked at Daisuke, he was out of breath.
"Ken, are you alright?" He asked looking at me.
"I'm so scared" I replied pulling him close.
"I know you are. Come on, we can make it to my place in about twenty minutes if we start now"
With that I took his hand and let him lead me to his apartment. I had never thought I would put trust in anyone early when I laid on Osamu's bed being pounded into, but something about Daisuke always let me trust him, but he was unable to break my numbness.
I become so numb
I can feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
is be more like me and be less like you
When we made it to his house he sat me on the couch as he looked around the spacious apartment to see if anyone was home. There was no one but his mother home.
"Oh, Ken. How are you?" She asked as she sat beside. I didn't want to lie to her either. Daisuke didn't lie she flat out told her what had happened. At first it looked like she didn't believe him until she looked back at me for a straight answer, like she does so many times. I nodded in agreement to what she had heard from Daisuke. Her eyes widened as she collaborated me in a embrace. I didn't feel very nervous, I had always trusted Daisuke's mother.
"We have to tell someone" Daisuke insisted.
"But, I" I started by I was interrupted by Mrs Motomiya.
"I agree. Get the Phone Daisuke" She commanded.
Daisuke had never really did what his mother told him to do but this of obviously an exception to him, he got on his feet and returned in a few seconds with the phone. She started dialling the numbers and began to shake a little more. Soon after she took me and Daisuke down to the station and there in handcuffs, I saw my own brother. He looked at me with fury, I can always tell when he is angry. I was then taken to a room with a table and two chairs and I sat down with a male cop as I told him everything that had happened.
"Can you tell me what happened, son?" He asked me.
"He raped me" I said very simply but very sadly.
"Was there a reason behind it?"
"I didn't do good enough on a test he helped me study for"
I watched him write down my answers as asserted them to him. After a few more questions he put his book down and started explaining to me what was going to happen.
"You will spend tonight in a hospital, we will copy his finger marks off your skin and will raid the apartment for evidence, can you tell me what you wore before he raped you?"
"My school uniform"
"That will be all. The woman that brought you in will be taking you to the hospital" He explained and left the room. After I minute I walked out and saw my own parents with Mrs Motomiya.
And I know you know this feeling too
"Ken, are you alright?" My mother asked as she held me tight.
"I can't believe this happened to you, son" My father stated to me.
"Don't you worry, Ken. You will never get hurt by him again. After the trail things will begin to heal" My Mother cried to me as she still cradled me in her arms.
"A trail?" I asked.
"Yes, Ken" She replied. This is something I do not want to do. Sit in the same room as that person and tell the judge, jury and a bunch of strangers how he tortured me. I sat down in a chair and cried.
TBC
Like? Don't like? Good reviews for the soul? Flames for marshmallows? *Holds out stick and bag of marshmallows* anyone?
Next chapter: trouble me