TITLE: Getting Over It
AUTHOR: The Button Master
RATING: PG-13 (Wow! We've graduated! *throws herself a little party* It's because of Kojiro in the second chapter; we'll have to wash his mouth out. Shame-shame on him.
TRANSMISSION: 3
CHAPTER: 1
TRANSMISSION TITLE: Trading Spaces
SUMMARY: Kojiro, who was finally released from the hospital, thought things were finally back to normal. And they were--until the Trading Spaces van shows up one morning....
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[Notes from THE AUTHOR:
Oh my gosh....I am SO sorry to any Trading Spaces fans out there, but come on....like you didn't see this coming! ^^ Just as I promised, this transmission is going to star Kojiro and Vash. (NO slash. So don't even ask.) Apparently, the Trading Spaces team knows where they live, and both Hector and Kojiro are having their rooms redone. And what's been up with Ookami? Why is she laughing like that? This transmission is a little....crazy. That's all I'm going to say. Well, have fun and don't hurt yourself!
- THE AUTHOR (Button) ]
//
Transmission Three:
"TRADING SPACES"
***
THUNK, THUNK, THUNK....
"Oh no...." Kojiro muttered and rolled over on his mulch pile.
THUNK, THUNK THUNK, THUNK....
Ookami burst through the door wearing what was obviously someone else's bathrobe, which they were probably looking for. "GOOD MORNING, SPOONLAND!" She yelled with unnatural enthusiasm. "Are you still asleep, Kojiro?"
"I was," he muttered, "now, what in the world do you want at 6:30 in the morning?!"
"It's getting late, and breakfast is ready," Ookami bounced up and down like a kangaroo while she spoke, "I thought you'd like to come down and eat. Mr. K made woofles!"
"They're called waffles, you moron." Kojiro yawned and brushed his hair out of his face, "and what in the world is K doing cooking breakfast!? Go stop him unless you want bullet shells in your oatmeal!"
Ookami squeaked and bounced out of the room just as quickly as she had come in. Count on Ookami to wake everyone up by 7:00 every morning....Kojiro sighed. He got up, brushed his hair out (which took about fifteen minutes,) got dressed, and began to walk down to breakfast.
"Oh, good morning, Kojiro!" said Vash, who was just coming out of the bathroom. "What are you doing up this early?"
"Ookami." he said simply.
"Ahh, I see," said Vash, unfortunately knowing exactly what he was talking about. "She actually didn't come in and jump on the bed this morning....wonder if she's sick."
"One can only hope."
Everyone else was already sitting at the table once Vash and Kojiro got down to the breakfast table. Ookami was running away from Draco, who obviously wanted his rubber ducky bathrobe back, Hector kept missing his mouth with the fork and ended up with waffle and syrup all over his face, Ryuichi was talking to Kumagoro while pretending to feed him with a spoon, Mr. K was lovingly polishing the newest edition to his gun collection, and Sirius seemed to be trying to act as if everything were totally normal as he read the paper, which--at least for their house--it was.
"Good morning, everyone!" said Vash, as he took a seat right in between the hissing, spitting ball of dust that was Draco and Ookami, and Sirius, who was still trying to act as if this were normal. Ookami and Draco stopped fighting, Draco finally claiming victory over yet another item of stolen clothing, and Ookami slinking under the table to sulk at her defeat.
"What's so good about it?" Sirius muttered, not looking up from his paper so not to get hit with stray bits of Hector's breakfast.
"Tie me kangaroo down sport--sniff, sniff,--tie m-me kangaroo down...." Ookami sang with a sniffle from under the table.
"PURPLE FLAMINGOES!" Hector yelled, spilling his orange juice for the seventh time that morning.
"Stupid muggles...." Draco hissed.
"--and then I BLEW THEM ALL TO KINGDOM COME! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. K laughed evilly, finished telling one of his war stories to Ryuichi, who was trying to hide under his chair.
"DING DONG!" said the doorbell.
"Thank god." said Kojiro, stalking towards the front door. "I don't have to sit in the kitchen any longer...."
Kojiro opened the door and politely greeted their guest....
"What the hell do you want?!"
There was a short, skinny blonde woman standing there with a cheesy smile plastered on her face, and a man with a TV camera standing behind her.
"Hello!" The woman said with disgusting enthusiasm to rival Ookami, "How are you today? My name is Paige Davis, from Trading Spaces on TLC!"
"I don't know you," Kojiro said, "now get the hell off of my porch before I call the cops, you loons!"
Apparently choosing to ignore Kojiro, Paige Davis continued, "And we've randomly selected YOUR family to completely redo one room in the house! You'll be redoing one room in your neighbor's house while they work over here!"
"I don't like the sound of this." Kojiro ran his claws through his hair and growled menacingly. "You're not a salesman, are you?"
"Erm--no," said Paige Davis, "is the rest of your family at home?"
"No," Kojiro said haughtily, "they were murdered in the slave camps fifteen years ago."
"Oh....I'm sorry," Paige Davis said, "then do you have a girlfriend or spouce I could speak to?"
"No."
"No you don't have one, or no I can't speak to her?"
"You really don't want to know the answer to that question," Kojiro said.
"Um, okay...." Paige Davis said. "Well, is there anyone else in the house I can speak to?"
"Hey, Kojiro!" Vash said, poking his head out the kitchen door. "Who's here?"
"Oh, hello!" said Paige Davis, inviting herself in to shake Vash's hand. "My name is Paige Davis, and I'm from--"
"OH MY GOSH!" Vash squeed and jumped up and down like a giddy schoolgirl. "I can't believe it--PAIGE DAVIS IS SHAKING MY HAND!!!"
"You've heard of Trading Spaces, then?"
"OF COURSE!! I WATCH IT EVERY DAY!!" Vash squeed loudly, and Kojiro bopped him on the head.
"We're not going on your lame show with a bunch of fruit-loop interior designers! And that's that!" Kojiro yelled.
"But why not?" Vash said. "It looks like so much fun! If I don't get to be on Trading Spaces, I'll never die happy!"
"What does it matter?! You're a plant!! You're probably never going to die at all!"
"It's the principle of the thing! Please?"
"Pft," Kojiro huffed, "it ain't my house--go talk to Ookami!"
"Ookami?" Paige Davis said. "Is that your girlfriend, then?"
"UGHH!! NO!" Kojiro tried not to gag.
"Well, then could you please direct me to the head of house?"
Sirius flung the kitchen door open.
"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!" he yelled. It was obviously still to early in the morning for him to be awake.
Kojiro pushed Paige Davis over to where Sirius was standing. "Here! Right here!" Kojiro said urgently. "Talk to this guy--heaven knows he's the only sane one in the house besides me, and Ookami hates me, so that rules me out. Good day, madam." With that, Kojiro grabbed Vash by the back of his pajamas and dragged him out the front door to hide, Vash kicking and screaming and making a rather disturbing scene the whole way.
"Pardon me, miss--?"
"Paige! Paige Davis, from TLC's Trading Spaces! How are you?" Paige extended offered to shake hands, and Sirius looked at her hand as if it were infected with the Black Plague.
"How nice," he said. "Could you please explain why you're standing in my living room at this hour, I'm curious."
"We've selected your family to have two rooms completely re-done on a special one-time-only budget! It's for our newest television special...."
"You've got the wrong person--this isn't my house," Sirius said, "besides, we don't need any rooms redone. We all moved in about two months ago and we're still not all settled in."
"Well, you've certainly got a large family!" Paige Davis exclaimed in a scary sing-song voice. "How would be the one in charge around here?"
"FAMILY?!" Sirius snorted. "This isn't a family....no one here has a family anymore." Paige Davis stared and took a few steps back, suddenly thinking she had gotten the house address mixed up with a psychiatric hospital. Sirius cleared his throat and continued. "If you're looking the one who's in charge around here, you're looking for Ookami."
"That's what that nice man with the long--err, very long hair told me before he left. Do you know where I could find this Ookami?"
Sirius laughed somewhere between a smirk and a sneer. "You've got to be joking...." Sirius said, "NO ONE can find her--I mean, no one. Good luck to you, I say."
"Well, then how am I supposed to find her?" Paige Davis said curiously.
"You don't," Sirius snickered, "SHE usually will find YOU."
As if on cue, Ookami peered around the corner of the hallway by the staircase with wide red, wondering eyes. She was wearing what was obviously one of Kojiro's old work shirts, a pair of K's sunglasses on her head, and a pair a boots that seemed to belong to Sirius, which he had been looking for recently. Her eyes lit up when she saw him standing there with a perfect stranger. She grinned widely and scampered over to where Sirius and Paige Davis were standing.
"Be very quiet, and don't make any sudden movements." Sirius whispered. Paige Davis looked suddenly terrified.
"SIRIUS~!" Ookami cried cheerily--and, GLOMP! "THERE you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Sirius sighed and tried to ignore the clingy mass on his back. "Meet Ookami." he said dully.
Ookami jumped off of Sirius and hopped over to Paige, who had a look of utmost terror on her face. The closer Ookami got, the more she cowered with a look of fear. Ookami stopped and drew herself up to full height, which was on the shorter side of average and quite unimpressive.
Ookami gave Paige the Spock sign, flipped K's glasses down and gave her a toothy grin. "Ohayo gozaimasu! My name is Ookami Loki Densetsu! Welcome to my humble establishment!"
It was now Paige's turn to be afraid to shake hands; Sirius took this opportunity to flee out the front door to go hide away with Kojiro and Vash. "Well, miss--err, Denettsuki," Paige said, failing miserably at pronouncing Ookami's last name, "my name is Paige Davis, from Trading Spaces on TLC. You ARE the head of the household, aren't you?"
"Of course I am....silly humans....," Ookami scratched her head, "Did you just say your name was Paige Davis, as in, the Paige Davis from Trading Spaces?"
Paiged gaped and wondered if Ookami were deaf or mentally unsound. "Umm, yes....that's what I just said," Paige sighed. "Anyway, I'm here to tell you that your famil--err, household as been selected for a TV special of Trading Spaces. On a new, special budget, we will completely redo any two rooms in the house you wish." Paige tried her best to smile for the cameras.
"OH--MY--GOSH." Ookami gasped and jumped up and down giddily. "DID YOU JUST SAY TRADING SPACES?!?! I LOVE THAT SHOW!! VASH AND I ARE YOUR BIGGEST FANS!!!"
Paige Davis backed up, now thoroughly creeped out. "Erm....Okay. Now, please, just take these papers, read them over, and sign when you're ready." Paige Davis handed Ookami and large manilla envelope with a large stack of papers in it.
Ookami unclasped the metal clip at the top and took out the stack of papers, skimming through them with a look of mischievious interest in her bright red eyes. She grinned for the first time in many months like she once did, exposing two sharp canine teeth; Paige tried not to appear too frightened, especially in front of the cameras....
When she was finished reading, Ookami slid the papers back into the envelope and licked it closed. "Well, Paige Davis," she said brightly, "thank you very much....I'm SURE a few of my roomates would be interested, and it definitely looks promising. I'll get back to you tomorrow when you're ready to start filming....," Ookami glanced towards the front door.... "In the meantime, I have places to go, people to see."
"Umm....thank you, Miss--err, Mrs.--err, Ms. Denetzu," Paige Davis once again failed at pronouncing Ookami's last name, but had succeeded in being thoroughly confused and weirded out.
Ookami gave Paige one last Army salute before she danced out the front door, cackling loud enough to make the dead roll over in their graves.
BUTTON NOTES
Wow, this turned out a LOT better than I had thought! Well, now you have the basis....so what do you want to see done to the rooms? I WILL tell you that Hector and Kojiro will both have their rooms redone, but who do you th8ink should be on the teams, and what should be done with the rooms? Well, review and let me know. ^^ I'm already working on the next transmission....it's going to be pretty deep. Sirius and Draco finally sit down for a wizard to wizard talk. I'm working like mad trying to get a few other things done, so it helps to get feedback. Lots and lots of feedback. ^^ Well, until we meet upon the road (or until the next chapter--whichever comes first,) I'll see you 'round! ^^
Buttons,
THE AUTHOR
/ BUTTON NOTES