Projection Study
"Simple pleasures are always the last refuge of the complex." - Oscar Wilde
-
"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Elle asked with her usual lack of tact, leaning over Ashida's shoulder and looking curiously at the small device he was examining. "It looks like a toy car exploded."
Swallowing a laugh, Lucrezia walked past the two as she entered the room.
Ashida tried to nudge Elle away with his shoulder. "It's a device meant to gather samples of the Martian soil."
"Didn't we already do that?"
"Yes. We're doing it again." Ashida sounded as if he were prepared to swat Elle away. Of course, if he did, there was an excellent chance she'd come up swinging.
Elle shook her head. "I'll never understand you scientist types. You make my head hurt."
"Try not to think," Xack offered from across the room. "You'll just injure yourself, Elsie."
"Yeah, you've done it enough to know, huh, O'Neal?" Elle shot back.
Grant yelled in passing, "Ease up, you two. I don't have the time to break up another brawl."
The room quieted, leaving Elle and Xack to shoot each other nasty looks.
It had been almost a month since Lucrezia and Zechs had arrived at the Martian Base, and already Lucrezia felt comfortable among the people. There were dozens of scientists and technicians doing work on the terra-forming project, but it was easy to realize who were the leaders. Lucrezia had already split them into personality categories, based on what she had already seen.
Michael Grant was the overall top dog. Everyone gave him respect and took orders from him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And Lucrezia had to admit, he had the feel of a leader about him, level-headed, dependable, and rock-solid.
Elle Talluer had shone the lights of her personality from the beginning: Mischievious, fun-loving, intelligent and one who enjoyed bothering people with her intelligence. She was always commenting, examining, and getting into something.
Sorata Ashida was the leading scientist, forever knee-deep in research. His dark eyes reminded Lucrezia a little bit of Wufei, only less hostile and more thoughtful.
Xack O'Neal was the youngest of the entire project at seventeen, too young to be the expert computer technician he was, and he took a lot of heat for it, especially from Elle. It seemed the two were constantly out to kill each other. Twice already Lucrezia had seen Grant pull one of them from the other's throat.
They were all very . . . interesting individuals. The terra-forming project would have been fun except for one thing:
Zechs was avoiding her.
She didn't know why. Ever since that lost year when he couldn't be accounted for and was pretty much presumed dead - more than presumed dead, the man still had a headstone set up in memorial - Zechs had been even more distant and secretive than he had been during the war.
For reasons she both knew and others she couldn't guess, it was driving Noin insane.
"Hey, Ashida, have you seen Zechs anywhere?" she asked as she handed him a file she had just pulled up on the biological condition of the dome.
He looked occupied and replied distantly, "Not since I asked him to do a scan on some glitches in the environmental systems."
"Which was . . .?"
Ashida thought a minute, then shrugged. "About a day ago, give or take."
"Oh." Lucrezia turned to survey the room. "Anybody seen him in the last twelve hours?"
Elle and Xack looked at each other, than back at her and shook their heads.
Resisting a growl of exasperation, Lucrezia marched out of the room and nearly ran into Grant, who was just heading towards the survey station at the end of the tunnel.
"What's your rush, Noin?" he asked her.
"Just trying to find my partner. You seen him around lately?"
"The last I saw of him was yesterday. He was taking a shuttle up to the relay station on my request."
"Why?"
"To send a transmission back to Earth on the progress of the project. It was a pretty routine thing, he should have been back by now."
"No one's seen him for hours." Now Noin was getting concerned.
"Don't worry yourself," Grant reassured her as he continued towards the survey station. "Zechs can take care of himself."
That's not what I'm worried about, she thought. Not at all.
She turned on her heel and walked away down the hall.
-
Just as she reached the shuttle dock, Zechs was walking down the ramp, pulling his space helmet off and impatiently pushing his hair out of his eyes.
It took most of Noin's self-control not to jump on him at that second. The majority of her control stemmed from her uncertainty over whether she would kiss him or strangle him. Either action could prove fatal for both her and Zechs.
"Hello, Zechs," Lucrezia said, covering her irritation with a level, almost friendly tone.
"Noin," he greeted her in turn. However, Zechs Merquise was not a stupid man. He knew that whenever those deep violet eyes of Noin's started flashing like they were, and whenever she actually said "Hello" to him, instead of greeting him with her usual smile, that she was not pleased.
He was wondering when she would drop a hint at what was causing her anger, when she asked him, casually, almost coldly, "Did you have a good time in space?"
She was daring him to so much as give her a smart reply, so she could feel free to rip his head off.
He knew better than to answer her directly, or allow even the smallest hint of sarcasm to enter his voice. So instead, he smoothly replied, "Things seem to be fine back home. Relena sends her regards."
His avoidance of her sarcastic inquiry, his easy tone, and his unreadable eyes daring to ignore her anger drained the strength from Lucrezia's fury. Suddenly, she just felt weary. Weary and even a bit disgusted with herself.
"Great," she said, managing to just barely keep the lifelessness from her voice and feign interest. "It's nice to know everything's all right. You'd better report in to Grant. He's at the survey station."
Zechs nodded, and Lucrezia turned to go.
"Right," she said to the walls of the empty hallway. "Glad everything's 'all right'. Life's just great."
Once again, she had backed down. Once again, when she had a chance to let Zechs know that, hey, someone actually cared what happened to him, cared when he just disappeared, cared when he wanted to be alone and wallow in his own darkness. And she had backed off.
It made her so sick, right to the point where she wished she hadn't cared. If she just didn't give a damn, if she just let him crash and burn to ashes, maybe they'd both be better off. She worried so much about him that she felt like a sister, or a mother, or an aunt, or some other family member.
But she never felt like "just a friend". She never felt like a lover.
And goddammit all, she never felt like an equal.
Why could she never stand up to his ice-cold gaze? It wasn't fear that was stopping her; it couldn't be. Their intellects were perfectly aligned, and she was almost his physical match. No, it was her compassion. Her devotion. Her tireless, deathless, maddening understanding . . .
Why did she always have to understand?
"God, why am I such a coward!"
She turned and fiercely slammed her fist into the wall.
"Whoa, Noin, having a bad day, or did that wall give you a dirty look?"
Noin whirled to find herself face-to-face with pale green eyes and a wicked half-smile.
She weakly returned Xack's smile. "Neither. Just felt like punching something."
His smile grew into a grin. "I know how you feel. Just hoping you're not looking for a live object to work out your issues on. But if you are, I'm sure Elle would volunteer." He didn't ask her why she was angry, and that gave her a surprised feeling that he really did understand.
"Sure," she replied dryly. "As if I would give you the satisfaction of a 'cat' fight."
"No, give me the satisfaction of a fist fight. We can save any play wrestling for later. Preferably you and me, one-on-one."
"It's so cute when little boys flirt with their elders," Noin shot back, jovially pointing out the fact that she was three years Xack's senior. She actually enjoyed his playful flirting and word games.
"Ooh!" Xack mimed a spear entering his heart. "You pierce me with your wit!"
Lucrezia openly laughed, and Xack grinned, throwing an arm around her and giving her a slight squeeze. "You see? Even a honed blade like you can use a laugh every once in a while."
"'Honed blade?'" Noin echoed wryly, enjoying the friendliness of his hug.
"Take it as a compliment."
"I've been called worse. What's that?" she added, referring to the silver vid-disk in his hand.
Xack shrugged and sighed. "This, my friend, would be a two-hour introductory to the wonderful world of building a ground module."
She grimaced. "Sounds exciting."
"Your false optimism depresses me. C'mon, the tech team's waiting."
-
"Zechs? Zechs, wait up!"
The female voice pulled him from his thoughts and he turned to see the young woman coming in his direction.
He identified her as Ellisa Telluer, and wondered what she could want.
The moment she came within arm's length of him, she stopped dead and glared at him narrowly, as if she were facing the Devil and wanted to make sure her instincts hadn't fooled her.
"Where the hell were you the past twelve hours?" she demanded.
Zechs was at a loss for her sudden hostility. It seemed today was a day for angering women for apparently no reason.
Holding tight to his indifferent composure, he raised a cool eyebrow at her. "Why do you want to know?" His tone matched hers exactly.
"Because we need you, Blondie! God, I swear, men are thick! They think they can just run off and leave us poor females to handle heavy work by ourselves - when we'd rather get males to do it for us . . ."
She rolled her eyes, moved behind him and started pushing him in the opposite direction he'd been going. Knocked out of whack by her fast-talking sarcasm, Zechs, at first, bemusedly complied.
"What do you need me for?" he asked, finally digging in his heels. She was decidedly smaller than him, so she came to a halt.
Elle sighed. "One of our idiot rookies just crashed construction on the northeast tunnel. It seems he's terrified of heights, so he got to the top, looked down, and boom! We have another patient in the medical ward. Unfortunately, he brought down half a day's work with him. Which is where you come in."
"Why?"
She smiled at him, her gray eyes slightly wicked, and patted his shoulder. "Because you're big, buddy. We need some muscle for this job. So delete your great intelligence and join the rest of the muscle-bound nimrods, okay?"
Without another word, she grabbed him by the arm and continued dragging him towards the constuction site.
Zechs was still mildly puzzled, processing what Elle had just said. In her own - very odd and taunting - way, it seemed she had just paid him a compliment on both his build and intelligence.
It had been a while since a woman had graced him with such a comment. The year of AC 195 was spent under heavy battle, with no time for dating in between. And he wasn't particularly social with the opposite sex at anytime. The occasional pointless flings in his younger days didn't count.
"Are you wearing cement shoes or something? Come on, move it, Blondie, I'm missing all the fun!"
"Fun?"
"You know, ripped guys lifting heavy objects! That's priceless entertainment!"
A snort of laughter threatened to escape, and Zechs found he enjoyed Elle's humor and tactless honesty. He supposed he could learn a thing or two from her: Tell the truth up front, and your life could be a lot simpler.
-
"Noin! It's been two months, girl, and I haven't heard a word! I've missed you!"
Sally's voice was a welcome sound, and despite the bad reception of the satellite transmitter, her smile was an even more welcome sight. Lucrezia was glad to see a friendly, familiar face, and it made her miss the Preventers just a bit more than usual.
She rested her arms on the console, just beside her helmet. "Hi, Sally. Sorry about the long interval, but it isn't easy to get a transmission out from Mars."
"I can imagine. So, are you having fun on the Red Planet?"
"Depends on your opinion of 'fun.' If it includes a lot of building and enough technical details to make your head spin, well, I'm having a blast."
Her blue eyes slightly mischievious, Sally inquired, "How's life with the Lightning Baron?"
Lucrezia sighed and closed her eyes. "Don't ask."
"Hm. I'm not surprised."
Suddenly feeling a little defensive, Noin opened her eyes and focused on Sally's transmitted image. "How's life with Wufei?"
Sally rolled her eyes. "He's a pain in the ass. Always working, never has an even vaguely humorous, complimentary, or friendly word for anyone, and he has about all the imagination of a reptile. Otherwise, he's the best partner a girl could have. Did I mention that I miss you VERY much?"
Laughing, Lucrezia shook her head. "Yes, and I miss you, too, Sally."
They traded a few quick stories of their lives in the past sixty days, including Lucrezia's tale of a couple of construction workers starting a brawl, trashing a good week's worth of supplies, and ending with Grant threatening to blow everyone's head off with his laser rifle.
Sally offered an exciting recollection about the Cinq Kingdom's situation a few weeks ago, when a rebel group had invaded and held the castle and its guests hostage. She relayed the brilliant maneuver the former Gundam pilots had used to get everyone to safety with hardly any violence.
"Hey, I expect to see you in person in another ten months and three weeks, Lucrezia Noin," Sally said as they were beginning to sign off. "See if you can survive Mars for that long."
"I'll try. Bye Sally."
The transmission was cut, and Noin's smile lingered for a few seconds before fading away.
Space was her love. She admired it, lived for it, in the same way an explorer lived for the hunt, a new discovery, and a new peace all alone in an indifferent, natural universe. It was where she felt she belonged even before she could experience it, when stars at night were her only guide.
But she didn't need it more than her friends, or the feeling of happiness. Could she be happy alone? Was absolute freedom worth absolute silence, absolute coldness, absolute dark disillusion?
Not as far as she was concerned. Sally, Une, Relena, even the former pilots, she felt she needed them all. Space was only a temporary escape. She had to have a home.
And suddenly, she had to wonder: What made Zechs happy?
Was there anything at all?
She remembered what used to make him somewhat content - before the war. It had changed them both so much.
War demands a great toll from its participants, she thought. Identity and self-worth one of its greatest.
Pondering this, she zipped up the front of her suit and boarded her shuttle to return to the glowing red world below the relay station.
Mars hung steady and coldly crimson beyond the fiberglass windows, lifeless except for the glint of metal and glass domination. And it reminded Lucrezia of a great, broken desert, drowned in blood.