THE CUCKOO'S EGG

by Galen Hardesty

CHAPTER NINE

LITTLE YELLOW PILL

~*~

As Helen pulled out of the parking lot, Jane leaned forward and asked, "What's with the getup, Daria? Prom dress? Disguise?"

Daria replied, "In disguise. In the skies." Her head began to bob back and forth, and she sang,

o/"If you go out in the woods today, you better go in disguise,

There's lots of fun in the woods today, you wouldn't believe your eyes.

Beneath the trees where nobody sees, they grease their knees as long as they please…"o/

Jane looked amused but concerned. "There was sure lots of fun at the mall today. What's up with that?"

"Mall, ball, small, hall, brawl, call, fall, that's all," Daria giggled.

"She seems to be having an adverse reaction to a prescription medication," Helen said.

"A prescription did this? What was it, bennies? Acid?" Jane asked.

Daria sang,

"And though she's not really ill, there's a little yellow pill. She goes…"

Helen looked at Daria as if she wished she had an off switch. "An antidepressant."

Jane was shocked. "An antidepressant! What the h… what for? Mrs. M, there are a lot of Lawndale High students who might need an antidepressant, but Daria isn't one of them."

"Dr. Drake prescribed it for her on a trial basis."

Disgustedly, Trent exclaimed, "Drake! He's a Doctor Feelgood. Nobody leaves his office without a scrip, usually for the latest thing some major drug company is pushing."

Jane added, "Now that I think of it, Manson sent Tiffany Blum-Deckler to Drake a year ago, and she's been in a fog ever since. Poor kid. Used to be a math whiz."

Helen frowned. "Mrs. Manson is the one who recommended Dr. Drake for Daria."

Jane looked like she wanted to spit. "Manson? She's incompetent, and vindictive to boot. She sent me to self-esteem class seven times in a row!"

"She sent Daria to that class too…" mused Helen. "But you know how Daria is, always negative and pessimistic, never smiles…I just wish she could be a little happier, maybe even a bit funny sometimes…"

"Huh? Mrs. M, Daria is the funniest person I've ever met," Trent said. He gave the back of Helen's head a 'you moron' look.

"Daria?" Helen asked incredulously.

"Yeah, and she's happy, too, Mrs. Morgendorffer. She may not go around wearing a happy face all the time, and she may claim otherwise occasionally, but she's got a good life and a good future ahead of her, and she knows it," said Jane.

"Then why would Mrs. Manson…"

"That b… witch. I don't know why, but it wasn't for Daria's benefit. Someone should do something about her. Hey, amiga, how're you doin'?"

"I must be hot as Dad's stew."

"Why do you say that, sweetie?" asked Helen.

"I'm sweating like a moose."

"That's water, honey. You fell in the fountain," Helen told her.

"Oh. Then I must be cold."

"We'll be home in a couple of minutes, and you can change."

"Uh, Mrs. M, could you drop me by my place? I'm kind of wet, too," Trent said.

"Sure, Trent."

Twenty minutes later, they were back in Helen's SUV. Daria wore her usual outfit. From her jacket she pulled a baseball cap and put it on, adjusting it in the mirror on the sun visor. The little sizer on the back of it was adjusted out to the last hole, but it was still obviously too small for her. A patch on the front of it said, "Red Fox Guano."

Helen saw the cap and said, "Oh Daria, you don't want to wear that old thing."

Daria smirked, "Latest thing. Waif magazine says manure is in this season."

"It's been my observation that manure is always in," said Jane. Daria chuckled.

Helen looked over at her daughter. "Well, at least you seem happier, Daria. How do you feel?"

"Happy happy."

"Really?"

"Joy joy."

Helen glanced between the road and Daria a couple of times, unsure what she meant. Daria seemed to be nodding her head in time to some music only she could hear.

o/ "Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy,

"Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy…"

Jane and Trent exchanged a look that said they knew exactly what Daria meant.

o/ "Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy…"

Daria began hitting her head on the side window every time she said 'joy'.

"Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy…"

"Daria," cried Jane, "Don't do that!" She stuck her hand between Daria's head and the glass.

"Happy happy joy joy joy!

"Ow! Stop! "Ow!" Jane was surprised at how hard Daria was banging her head against the glass, and also at how massive her friend's head was.

"Happy happy…"

Realizing that Jane's hand was between her head and the glass, Daria attempted to hit her head on the dashboard, but was restrained by her shoulder harness. She stopped, and merely stared down into the footwell, obviously not happy.

Helen looked extremely upset. "Oh, Daria, what has he done to you?"

Trent glared at Helen beneath a lowered eyebrow, but said nothing.

Jane looked at Daria and sadly shook her head. "I wouldn't want to be Drake when Daria gets straight again. Or Manson either."

"Helen growled, "Well, I'm going to take her back to Doctor Drake, and he'd better get her perfectly straight, or else kiss his license goodbye!"

Daria started up again. "They're coming to take me away, haha,
they're coming to take me away, hoho, heehee, haha,
to the Happy Home, with trees and flowers and flipping squirrels,

and fashion feebers that sit and snark and paint their thumbs and toes…"

"Here we are," said Helen. She parked in front of the office. Jane got out quickly and helped Daria out, unobtrusively keeping a hand lightly on her arm. Seeing that Daria appeared calm, Helen opened the door and held it for Jane and Daria, then left it to Trent.

Daria looked around the lobby and announced, "Welcome to It's a Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World. We're just nuts about nuts. Crunch nuts with your lunch. Buy 'em by the bunch. Send 'em to friends far away to munch." This drew smirks from Jane and Trent, and worried glances from other patients waiting there.

Helen went straight to the receptionist and said, "I want to see Dr. Drake. It's important."

The receptionist replied, "Dr. Drake is with a…"

Helen leaned over the counter and into her face. "Get him. Now."

Jane wished she could see Helen's face. The receptionist was out of her chair and headed down the hall in a jiffy. Helen grabbed Daria by an arm and set off right after her. Jane heard Daria exclaim, "Hey, wait! I forgot my squirrel hat!" as she disappeared around a corner.

~*~

Ten minutes later, Dr. Drake and Helen were seated in his office, for the second time that day. Helen asked, "So what's wrong with her?"

Tiny beads of sweat glistened on his upper lip. "Apparently she's unusually sensitive to this drug. You're certain she only took one pill? It's not possible that she sneaked some more while you weren't looking?"

Helen gave him a glare she usually used on Jake. "I'm certain. I practically had to force her to take the one."

"And she's had no alcohol or stimulants recently? No other mood elevators?"

"One small cup of coffee at breakfast this morning. No on the rest. Daria seldom even takes aspirin. She had a similar reaction to cough syrup when she was twelve, and she's distrusted all drugs ever since." Helen repeated her question, more insistently. "What is her present condition?"

From one of the exam rooms came Daria's voice,
o/"I tripped on a cloud and fell eight miles high,

I tore my mind on a jagged sky.
And I just dropped in
To see what condition my condition was in."o/

The expression on Helen's face made Dr. Drake think of a mother wolverine. He spoke quickly.

"Physically, she's fine. She's running a very slight temperature and her heart rate is slightly elevated. Those are likely related to her, ah, recent exertions. Mentally, her associative processes are working at greater than normal efficiency, and she's a bit manic. Other than that, she's completely normal. One of my staff is watching her all the time. We can expect the effects of the pill to wear off in three or four more hours."

Helen rose and walked to Dr. Drake's desk, wrote her cell phone number on the back of a business card and handed it to him. "I have to go back to the mall to straighten some things out. Call me at that number if there's any change. Any change. And, Doctor," she shot him an intense look to emphasize her words, "She's likely to be quite unhappy with you when that pill wears off. The less she sees of you then, the better, I would think."