A Hero's Remembering
The Christmas After
Disclaimer: not mine
FYI: this is a story following A Hero's Dealing, I know, I know but this is the last one, then I'll stop bugging you with these stories about Barbara being dead I promise. Oh and so there's no confusion, in the last chapter of A Hero's Dealing it say end of series, I meant the series A Hero's Dealing, but this is the last Hero story.
-December 23rd- ~Dinah's POV~ It was hardest at times like this, to cope with it all, to live through the pain. It's Christmas Eve, Helena and I put up the tree a couple weeks ago, it looks great, we did it exactly how Barbara taught her to, Barbara had an order for everything. Everyday I come down from my room and there are more presents sitting under the tree, and each day there's one more ornament that has been added to the tree. Helena said it was a tradition of Barbara's to add one ornament for each day of the week before Christmas. Today's ornament is a homemade one, it's a wreath made of felt with a picture of Helena from when she was five, Selina had given it to Barbara soon after she and Helena had moved back into New Gotham. Alfred told me they were in France before that, he was the one to put that ornament up, he said it was one of Barbara's favorites. The lights on the tree are gold, red and green; there are small strands of gold, red and green garland running with the lights, it makes the garland look like it's glowing. When I lived in Opal, Christmas was no fun, sure we had the tree and the presents but there was no love. My foster mother didn't love my foster father anymore than either of them loved me, it was horrible, Christmas was spent with screaming families that all had one thing in common: they hated me. This Christmas is so different, there's love everywhere, between Alfred, Helena, Reese and Bruce there's not a moment where I feel unloved. If only Barbara were here then everything would be perfect.
"Are you ready for Christmas shopping Miss Dinah?" Alfred asked her.
Dinah nodded, "I found the perfect present for Helena.the only thing is.it costs a lot of money.more than I have. Do you think that maybe.you could lend me some until after the holidays?" Dinah asked innocently batting her eyelashes.
Alfred pulled out a credit card, "this is Master Bruce's credit card, between you and Helena the Wayne fortune will disappear right before our eyes," he said with a gentle smile.
Dinah smiled, "lets go already.besides the only person I have left to shop for is Helena, and it won't be that bad."
"Yes but Miss Helena has yet to finish her shopping and I dread to see the amount her last minute shopping will cost," Alfred said as he and Dinah left the Clocktower.
Helena smiled as they left, it was nice to see Dinah getting into the Christmas spirit, it was nice to see her happy. Sighing slightly she turned her gaze to the night sky, part of her wished to be out on patrol, if she were out on patrol she wouldn't reminisce.hopefully. The rational part of her knew that being on patrol would be dangerous, Barbara always told her not to go on patrol when she was distracted, and she was always distracted around the holidays. She always had something to think about, always had something to remember.
~Flashback-Helena's 7th Christmas~ "Mom.can Barbara come over for Christmas?" Helena asked.
"I'm sure Barbara has other plans sweetie," Selina said with a smile, "but you can call and invite her if you want."
"Cool, I like Barbara," Helena said munching on a candy cane, "she's a lot more fun then your other friends."
"I would hardly call my co-workers friends Helena," Selina said with a smile, "they're all far too boring to be considered friends."
"Mom can Barbara have an ornament on the tree too?" Helena asked.
"If she wants to honey," Selina said with a smile, "now lets get you into bed, you need your sleep, we're going Christmas shopping tomorrow." ~End Flashback~
"Barbara once told me that your mother loved making ornaments.is that true?" Bruce asked picking up the ornament in Helena's hand.
Helena nodded, "all the ornaments on our tree were homemade, it was tradition that we both make one every year. When I was seven, Barbara started making them with us, the ornament your holding is the last one Barbara made before my mom died."
"I loved your mother," Bruce said, "she was everything to me but there was so much I didn't know about her. If things had been different, if I had been able to rid myself of the part of me that was Batman, then everything would have been different. If I could go back there are a lot of things I would have changed, most of them concerning being Batman, I don't regret being Batman, but I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't let go of Batman to be with the woman I love."
Helena got up and started walking inside; she wasn't quite ready for the whole father-daughter bonding thing yet. She stopped at the door and said, "she loved you too," before walking inside.
Bruce stared at the night sky much like Helena liked to do, when he concentrated hard enough, he could almost see Selina as Catwoman jumping roofs and running wild through the night much like his daughter did while patrolling. The night always reminded him of something, like his daughter he always had something to remember, always had moments he wished had never happened, moments he wished he could forget.
~Flashback-One week after Selina's death~ All the funeral-goers were gone; Selina's daughter had finally left. She had stayed all day; she wouldn't even join her neighbor Mrs. Jenson at her house to thank everyone for coming. After the burial she just sat down, wrapped herself in a blanket and stared. Helena.that was Selina's daughter's name, that's what Mrs. Jenson, had called her. He was surprised at the number of people who had come to the funeral; he didn't think Selina had a lot of friends. From the way Helena acted, he didn't think any of them were friends with Selina; they were probably co-workers or something. Halfway through the funeral Bruce found himself studying all the men who were there, trying to figure out who Selina had moved on with, trying to figure out who Helena's father was. He never did, he just couldn't see how Helena resembled any of them. The thought that maybe he didn't show up crossed Bruce's mind, but he quickly dismissed that, how could someone have a child with Selina and not fall in love with her, he just couldn't fathom the idea of a man not falling in love with Selina, he had always found her enchanting. The biggest surprise for Bruce was when Barbara's father showed up to the funeral, he hadn't expected James Gordon to leave his daughter's side for anything. From the way James interacted with Helena he could tell the Barbara had sent him there to help the girl through it all since Barbara herself couldn't be present. As soon as the sun went down James and Mrs. Jenson were there to take Helena away from her mother's grave. Bruce got his first good look at Helena when she was walking away, and then it hit him, she was his daughter. He just knew, she was the right age, had the right features, she was exactly what he would have pictured for a daughter between him and Selina. Filled with regret over the life he could never have, and the life he gave up by not giving up Batman, Bruce stumbled to Selina's grave, even more broken then he had been when she showed up there. At that moment Bruce Wayne chose his course of action before, he said his goodbyes to his love, his goodbyes to Barbara, her father and Alfred, he silently said goodbye to his daughter before getting on a plane and going, never to return to New Gotham again. ~End Flashback~
"In deep thought?" Reese asked Bruce from the door to the balcony.
Bruce sighed, "thinking about my visit to Selina's grave, Christmas does this to me, makes me think about the past, and occasionally the future. Not to be rude but.what are you doing here?"
"I was looking for Helena," Reese said.
"She had shopping to do, for Dinah, she probably went while Alfred and Dinah are out," Bruce told Reese.
"Do you want to talk or something?" Reese asked uncomfortably, "You look like you could use someone to talk to."
"I probably could," Bruce said, "but I don't want to talk to my daughter's boyfriend, I have enough issues knowing that you two sleep in the same room, and that's not even when I think about what you two do while you're alone in her bedroom."
"She's a grown woman," Reese said, "and I'm not going to apologize for loving her."
"I missed her entire growing up, my protective father gene is just starting to be able to kick in," Bruce said, "and it's good you're not willing to apologize for loving her, that proves that you really do love her, which is all the reassurance I need to know my daughter is in a good relationship."
Reese nodded, "well if you don't want to talk I should probably finish my Christmas shopping, any clue what I should get Alfred?" he asked.
Bruce shrugged, "sometimes I think that man has everything, every Christmas I buy him a cookbook, and every year he thanks me and acts like it's a great present. Of course two weeks later I find the cookbook I bought on a shelf, and an older, already used copy of the same book in the garbage. I have been buying him cookbooks for over twenty years and I have yet to buy one that he doesn't already own a copy of, and I have never bought him the same book twice."
Reese laughed, "I'll call Helena and ask what she and Dinah are getting him, maybe they'll have an idea," Reese said before walking inside.
"Reese," Bruce called out.
"Yeah," Reese said turning around.
"She would have liked you, Selina, I can tell, if Helena loves you so much, she would have liked you too, I just wanted you to know that," Bruce said.
Reese nodded and took the small peace offering he was getting, "thanks."
-Christmas Eve Night- "I'll see you tomorrow," Reese said giving Helena a kiss.
"Okay have fun at your mom's," Helena said.
"See you tomorrow Reese," Dinah said waving goodbye.
"Okay time for bed kid," Helena said, "I'm beat."
Dinah nodded, "me too, who knew last minute Christmas shopping with you would be so exhausting."
"I did Miss Dinah, which is exactly why I encouraged you not to join Helena in her Christmas Eve last minute shopping trip," Alfred said with a smile.
Helena smiled, "what did I tell you kid.Alfred is always right.you really should listen to him."
Dinah laughed, "yeah you were right.for once," Dinah teased before rushing into her room and closing the door before Helena could realize what she said and chase after her.
~Later that night~ Dinah sat upright with a gasp, her dream had been so real, and it was like she had actually been there. Sighing, she got up shakily and walked to her bedroom window. She sat on the bench next to it and stared out at the night sky, clutching her fuzzy blue pillow to her chest. It was snowing outside, but Dinah wasn't cold. Dinah stared aimlessly at the dark surrounding the Clocktower, she loved watching the snow, and as her mind drifted back to her dream, or was it a memory, she couldn't be sure, all Dinah knew was that whatever it was, Dinah had been happy in it.
~Flashback to dream~ "Good morning sweetie," Carolyn Lance said walking into Dinah's room.
The four-year-old smiled, "it's time for presents right?"
Carolyn nodded, "it sure is. I think you'll find a nice, big stack of presents under the tree just for you."
Dinah jumped out of bed and rushed to the living room where a ton of presents were waiting, "thanks mom," she shouted before tearing into the first present with her name on it.
Carolyn smiled at her daughter and sat in her favorite chair, and watched as Dinah quickly got through all her presents with childhood glee. "Mommy," young Dinah said, "aren't you going to open your presents?"
"Later sweetie," Carolyn said lifting Dinah onto her lap, "lets just watch the snow fall for a while, we can finish celebrating Christmas later." ~End Flashback~
"Dinah are you okay?" Helena asked walking into Dinah's room, "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I had a dream about my mom," Dinah said, "well I think it was a dream, it might have been a memory, I was around four or something like that, I was happy."
"It's the holidays kid, it makes us all remember," Helena said with a sigh, "you should get some sleep, do you want something to drink before you go back to bed?"
Dinah shook her head and asked softly, "Helena can we go to the balcony?"
"Why?" Helena asked.
"Lets watch the snow fall for a while," Dinah said getting up and grabbing a blanket and pillow.
Helena followed Dinah with a smile and they sat on the couch near the balcony curled up in blankets. "Helena?" Dinah asked softly.
"Yeah kid," Helena answered.
"I love you, and thank you, for all this," Dinah said.
"I love you too," Helena said, staring at the night sky as three faces formed in the darkness, Barbara's Selina's and Carolyn's.
Okay, okay I'm done.are you happy?
The Christmas After
Disclaimer: not mine
FYI: this is a story following A Hero's Dealing, I know, I know but this is the last one, then I'll stop bugging you with these stories about Barbara being dead I promise. Oh and so there's no confusion, in the last chapter of A Hero's Dealing it say end of series, I meant the series A Hero's Dealing, but this is the last Hero story.
-December 23rd- ~Dinah's POV~ It was hardest at times like this, to cope with it all, to live through the pain. It's Christmas Eve, Helena and I put up the tree a couple weeks ago, it looks great, we did it exactly how Barbara taught her to, Barbara had an order for everything. Everyday I come down from my room and there are more presents sitting under the tree, and each day there's one more ornament that has been added to the tree. Helena said it was a tradition of Barbara's to add one ornament for each day of the week before Christmas. Today's ornament is a homemade one, it's a wreath made of felt with a picture of Helena from when she was five, Selina had given it to Barbara soon after she and Helena had moved back into New Gotham. Alfred told me they were in France before that, he was the one to put that ornament up, he said it was one of Barbara's favorites. The lights on the tree are gold, red and green; there are small strands of gold, red and green garland running with the lights, it makes the garland look like it's glowing. When I lived in Opal, Christmas was no fun, sure we had the tree and the presents but there was no love. My foster mother didn't love my foster father anymore than either of them loved me, it was horrible, Christmas was spent with screaming families that all had one thing in common: they hated me. This Christmas is so different, there's love everywhere, between Alfred, Helena, Reese and Bruce there's not a moment where I feel unloved. If only Barbara were here then everything would be perfect.
"Are you ready for Christmas shopping Miss Dinah?" Alfred asked her.
Dinah nodded, "I found the perfect present for Helena.the only thing is.it costs a lot of money.more than I have. Do you think that maybe.you could lend me some until after the holidays?" Dinah asked innocently batting her eyelashes.
Alfred pulled out a credit card, "this is Master Bruce's credit card, between you and Helena the Wayne fortune will disappear right before our eyes," he said with a gentle smile.
Dinah smiled, "lets go already.besides the only person I have left to shop for is Helena, and it won't be that bad."
"Yes but Miss Helena has yet to finish her shopping and I dread to see the amount her last minute shopping will cost," Alfred said as he and Dinah left the Clocktower.
Helena smiled as they left, it was nice to see Dinah getting into the Christmas spirit, it was nice to see her happy. Sighing slightly she turned her gaze to the night sky, part of her wished to be out on patrol, if she were out on patrol she wouldn't reminisce.hopefully. The rational part of her knew that being on patrol would be dangerous, Barbara always told her not to go on patrol when she was distracted, and she was always distracted around the holidays. She always had something to think about, always had something to remember.
~Flashback-Helena's 7th Christmas~ "Mom.can Barbara come over for Christmas?" Helena asked.
"I'm sure Barbara has other plans sweetie," Selina said with a smile, "but you can call and invite her if you want."
"Cool, I like Barbara," Helena said munching on a candy cane, "she's a lot more fun then your other friends."
"I would hardly call my co-workers friends Helena," Selina said with a smile, "they're all far too boring to be considered friends."
"Mom can Barbara have an ornament on the tree too?" Helena asked.
"If she wants to honey," Selina said with a smile, "now lets get you into bed, you need your sleep, we're going Christmas shopping tomorrow." ~End Flashback~
"Barbara once told me that your mother loved making ornaments.is that true?" Bruce asked picking up the ornament in Helena's hand.
Helena nodded, "all the ornaments on our tree were homemade, it was tradition that we both make one every year. When I was seven, Barbara started making them with us, the ornament your holding is the last one Barbara made before my mom died."
"I loved your mother," Bruce said, "she was everything to me but there was so much I didn't know about her. If things had been different, if I had been able to rid myself of the part of me that was Batman, then everything would have been different. If I could go back there are a lot of things I would have changed, most of them concerning being Batman, I don't regret being Batman, but I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't let go of Batman to be with the woman I love."
Helena got up and started walking inside; she wasn't quite ready for the whole father-daughter bonding thing yet. She stopped at the door and said, "she loved you too," before walking inside.
Bruce stared at the night sky much like Helena liked to do, when he concentrated hard enough, he could almost see Selina as Catwoman jumping roofs and running wild through the night much like his daughter did while patrolling. The night always reminded him of something, like his daughter he always had something to remember, always had moments he wished had never happened, moments he wished he could forget.
~Flashback-One week after Selina's death~ All the funeral-goers were gone; Selina's daughter had finally left. She had stayed all day; she wouldn't even join her neighbor Mrs. Jenson at her house to thank everyone for coming. After the burial she just sat down, wrapped herself in a blanket and stared. Helena.that was Selina's daughter's name, that's what Mrs. Jenson, had called her. He was surprised at the number of people who had come to the funeral; he didn't think Selina had a lot of friends. From the way Helena acted, he didn't think any of them were friends with Selina; they were probably co-workers or something. Halfway through the funeral Bruce found himself studying all the men who were there, trying to figure out who Selina had moved on with, trying to figure out who Helena's father was. He never did, he just couldn't see how Helena resembled any of them. The thought that maybe he didn't show up crossed Bruce's mind, but he quickly dismissed that, how could someone have a child with Selina and not fall in love with her, he just couldn't fathom the idea of a man not falling in love with Selina, he had always found her enchanting. The biggest surprise for Bruce was when Barbara's father showed up to the funeral, he hadn't expected James Gordon to leave his daughter's side for anything. From the way James interacted with Helena he could tell the Barbara had sent him there to help the girl through it all since Barbara herself couldn't be present. As soon as the sun went down James and Mrs. Jenson were there to take Helena away from her mother's grave. Bruce got his first good look at Helena when she was walking away, and then it hit him, she was his daughter. He just knew, she was the right age, had the right features, she was exactly what he would have pictured for a daughter between him and Selina. Filled with regret over the life he could never have, and the life he gave up by not giving up Batman, Bruce stumbled to Selina's grave, even more broken then he had been when she showed up there. At that moment Bruce Wayne chose his course of action before, he said his goodbyes to his love, his goodbyes to Barbara, her father and Alfred, he silently said goodbye to his daughter before getting on a plane and going, never to return to New Gotham again. ~End Flashback~
"In deep thought?" Reese asked Bruce from the door to the balcony.
Bruce sighed, "thinking about my visit to Selina's grave, Christmas does this to me, makes me think about the past, and occasionally the future. Not to be rude but.what are you doing here?"
"I was looking for Helena," Reese said.
"She had shopping to do, for Dinah, she probably went while Alfred and Dinah are out," Bruce told Reese.
"Do you want to talk or something?" Reese asked uncomfortably, "You look like you could use someone to talk to."
"I probably could," Bruce said, "but I don't want to talk to my daughter's boyfriend, I have enough issues knowing that you two sleep in the same room, and that's not even when I think about what you two do while you're alone in her bedroom."
"She's a grown woman," Reese said, "and I'm not going to apologize for loving her."
"I missed her entire growing up, my protective father gene is just starting to be able to kick in," Bruce said, "and it's good you're not willing to apologize for loving her, that proves that you really do love her, which is all the reassurance I need to know my daughter is in a good relationship."
Reese nodded, "well if you don't want to talk I should probably finish my Christmas shopping, any clue what I should get Alfred?" he asked.
Bruce shrugged, "sometimes I think that man has everything, every Christmas I buy him a cookbook, and every year he thanks me and acts like it's a great present. Of course two weeks later I find the cookbook I bought on a shelf, and an older, already used copy of the same book in the garbage. I have been buying him cookbooks for over twenty years and I have yet to buy one that he doesn't already own a copy of, and I have never bought him the same book twice."
Reese laughed, "I'll call Helena and ask what she and Dinah are getting him, maybe they'll have an idea," Reese said before walking inside.
"Reese," Bruce called out.
"Yeah," Reese said turning around.
"She would have liked you, Selina, I can tell, if Helena loves you so much, she would have liked you too, I just wanted you to know that," Bruce said.
Reese nodded and took the small peace offering he was getting, "thanks."
-Christmas Eve Night- "I'll see you tomorrow," Reese said giving Helena a kiss.
"Okay have fun at your mom's," Helena said.
"See you tomorrow Reese," Dinah said waving goodbye.
"Okay time for bed kid," Helena said, "I'm beat."
Dinah nodded, "me too, who knew last minute Christmas shopping with you would be so exhausting."
"I did Miss Dinah, which is exactly why I encouraged you not to join Helena in her Christmas Eve last minute shopping trip," Alfred said with a smile.
Helena smiled, "what did I tell you kid.Alfred is always right.you really should listen to him."
Dinah laughed, "yeah you were right.for once," Dinah teased before rushing into her room and closing the door before Helena could realize what she said and chase after her.
~Later that night~ Dinah sat upright with a gasp, her dream had been so real, and it was like she had actually been there. Sighing, she got up shakily and walked to her bedroom window. She sat on the bench next to it and stared out at the night sky, clutching her fuzzy blue pillow to her chest. It was snowing outside, but Dinah wasn't cold. Dinah stared aimlessly at the dark surrounding the Clocktower, she loved watching the snow, and as her mind drifted back to her dream, or was it a memory, she couldn't be sure, all Dinah knew was that whatever it was, Dinah had been happy in it.
~Flashback to dream~ "Good morning sweetie," Carolyn Lance said walking into Dinah's room.
The four-year-old smiled, "it's time for presents right?"
Carolyn nodded, "it sure is. I think you'll find a nice, big stack of presents under the tree just for you."
Dinah jumped out of bed and rushed to the living room where a ton of presents were waiting, "thanks mom," she shouted before tearing into the first present with her name on it.
Carolyn smiled at her daughter and sat in her favorite chair, and watched as Dinah quickly got through all her presents with childhood glee. "Mommy," young Dinah said, "aren't you going to open your presents?"
"Later sweetie," Carolyn said lifting Dinah onto her lap, "lets just watch the snow fall for a while, we can finish celebrating Christmas later." ~End Flashback~
"Dinah are you okay?" Helena asked walking into Dinah's room, "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I had a dream about my mom," Dinah said, "well I think it was a dream, it might have been a memory, I was around four or something like that, I was happy."
"It's the holidays kid, it makes us all remember," Helena said with a sigh, "you should get some sleep, do you want something to drink before you go back to bed?"
Dinah shook her head and asked softly, "Helena can we go to the balcony?"
"Why?" Helena asked.
"Lets watch the snow fall for a while," Dinah said getting up and grabbing a blanket and pillow.
Helena followed Dinah with a smile and they sat on the couch near the balcony curled up in blankets. "Helena?" Dinah asked softly.
"Yeah kid," Helena answered.
"I love you, and thank you, for all this," Dinah said.
"I love you too," Helena said, staring at the night sky as three faces formed in the darkness, Barbara's Selina's and Carolyn's.
Okay, okay I'm done.are you happy?