The next day the sun rose quiet and triumphant, painting everything brilliant and wonderful, mocking harshly, Shang's mood. He scowled at singing birds, wincing as the notes seemed to collide with the most tender parts of his head. He hadn't slept well for nights and it had begun to tell.
Passing through the latest settlement, the troops were forced to restrain their loud revelry and pay respects to the memories of soldiers recently passed. The town had learnt that day who from their own were among the victims of the Huns and mourned accordingly. Mulan fought the cement suddenly blocking her throat and turned stinging eyes away from new and inexperienced widows and orphans they passed in the streets.
The troop, having finally found an inn capable of housing them all, dismounted and began gathering their things. Mulan did the same, her mind not really on any tasks at hand, but with her father and mother, still alive and together. Right then, for what she new would be a fleeting moment, she had absolutely no regrets about the choice she'd made. Because of it, her father's life was spared, and her mother was not among those who mourned. Unless of course, she mourned the betrayal, the utter failure of her daughter. Mulan felt her face turn ashen at the thought. There was so much she was answerable for. Her moment had definitely been short-lived. And when the feeling got so bad she wondered what could possibly be worse, Shang chose that exact moment to settle himself comfortably within her line of vision.
He seemed preoccupied as he discussed the sleeping arrangements with his men and the innkeeper. Mulan wondered what exactly the problem could be. She watched the soldiers breaking off into pairs. The inn was obviously big, but hardly big enough to accommodate one soldier to a room. It hit her then. He didn't know where to put her.
A smirk slid across her lips. Where to house the lone girl soldier? Such strange and troubling issues with which to occupy a general's mind. Mulan nearly laughed at the incredulity that joined consternation in Shang's face. But remorse followed quickly after, at her own responsibility for his dilemma. He had other things on his mind, she knew. Things he'd do better to actually acknowledge. She had yet to see him grieve for his father and could not understand how he bore it. Mulan watched him more minutes and then left her horse to explain that it really wouldn't be a problem where she slept as she intended to do that and only that. Changing out of her clothes wasn't even really an option, she was so exhausted.
"Shang..." she began.
The look he sent her way left the words hanging off her lips unsaid. At the end of it all, the Consul was going to board with Yao for the night, to the mumbled and obvious discontent of both, Chien-Po and Ling had been paired up, and she was being led upstairs by a young woman to the room she was meant to spend the night in. Not alone, quite the opposite actually, she was sharing with Shang. Apparently, and to no one's surprise, the Consul was "certainly NOT going to reside in such close proximity with a female, no matter how long." Further, the doctor had to inspect her wounds, she would need to have them cleaned and re-bandaged and well, Shang was not exactly willing to take the chance that anyone else might learn what the few of them had. They agreed that the place least likely for that to happen would be the General's room. Not many men were likely to approach it, let alone walk in unannounced.
Mulan couldn't really argue against the logic. Still, she resented the way her fate – or sleeping arrangements at least – were in the hands of these few men who treated it much like they would a battle plan. She felt less a person and more an unwanted pet. It stung. When offered a room, though, any room, she took it. And fell gratefully onto the waiting mattress.
Another hour later, Shang walked in, bathtub in tow. He had the innkeeper set everything up and then leave, just what he intended to do. Except the girl was asleep.
Shang walked over to where she lay on her bed. He stared at her, at the way her face fell into such peace when she slept. The ghosts that haunted her waking hours, that flitted across her face at different intervals during the day, seemed strangely to leave her alone in her sleep. It bothered him that he noticed the difference, that despite everything he still watched her enough to know. It bothered him too the way his fingers crept up to draw soft lines against the contours of her face. It bothered him that he wanted to feel his lips on hers, that he could actually feel himself bending, drawn to her.
"Mulan."
He said it loudly, sharp. To snap himself out of whatever he'd fallen into as much as to wake her up. It did both.
"There's a bath," he stated simply. "I'll wait outside the door. Knock when you're done and I'll send the doctor up."
She rubbed the confusion out of her eyes, nearly gasping at the fact that there was warm water two feet away from where she sat. She got up as he walked out of the room, not looking back.
"I'm glad you're healing," Shang told her as the doctor left, following his inspection, and he re-entered the room.
Mulan nearly fell over at the words. They were almost kind.
"Maybe now that that's all done," he said, walking over to the bath, "the rest of us can allow ourselves the liberty of enjoying such luxuries as first go to the invalid, women and children."
Something in her recoiled and then bit back. She was so goddamn tired of being sorry. Of feeling guilty, accepting this scorn.
"You make it sound like the three are one."
"In your case, aren't they?"
"No."
"You're wounded. You're a woman, contrary to popular opinion. And ... how old ARE you, Mulan?"
"Eighteen."
"Three for three, 'soldier'."
"I suppose you're a jaded, old veteran," she snapped. "And the fact that I'm wounded is my own fault, of course, not the result of trying to save your life."
"You think, I suppose, that your being a woman gives you the right to show such disrespect?" Shang said, quietly. Angry. "I am still your superior."
"You're only my superior if you acknowledge me as a soldier," she spit back. "And we both know that's hardly the case."
He wouldn't look at her, let alone answer.
"So spare me the bullshit. I'm swimming in it as it is."
His eyes flew up to meet hers.
"I've got a fucking WOMAN in my barracks, don't tell ME about bullshit."
She looked at him, calm black eyes staring up from between wisps of black hair. Quiet, she stood in the face of his anger. Then quietly she spoke.
"Bullshit indeed, the general of one of China's "great armies" owing his life to a "fucking woman". It MUST be a harsh burden to bear."
Shang's surprise slid almost imperceptible into his eyes.
"I owe you nothing," he told her, quiet now too. "I spared you. My debt is repaid."
"Your debt is far from repaid, General. I risked my life for yours. And that act was marked by my sweat, my blood. What have you done?"
There was nothing in his eyes to tell of the doubt in his heart. He would keep the contents of that place secret though it cost him his life.
Mulan sneered softly, almost apologetic. Sad.
"You made an executive decision."
She got into bed and curled to face the wall. It wasn't until long after she fell asleep that Shang even began to try.
Passing through the latest settlement, the troops were forced to restrain their loud revelry and pay respects to the memories of soldiers recently passed. The town had learnt that day who from their own were among the victims of the Huns and mourned accordingly. Mulan fought the cement suddenly blocking her throat and turned stinging eyes away from new and inexperienced widows and orphans they passed in the streets.
The troop, having finally found an inn capable of housing them all, dismounted and began gathering their things. Mulan did the same, her mind not really on any tasks at hand, but with her father and mother, still alive and together. Right then, for what she new would be a fleeting moment, she had absolutely no regrets about the choice she'd made. Because of it, her father's life was spared, and her mother was not among those who mourned. Unless of course, she mourned the betrayal, the utter failure of her daughter. Mulan felt her face turn ashen at the thought. There was so much she was answerable for. Her moment had definitely been short-lived. And when the feeling got so bad she wondered what could possibly be worse, Shang chose that exact moment to settle himself comfortably within her line of vision.
He seemed preoccupied as he discussed the sleeping arrangements with his men and the innkeeper. Mulan wondered what exactly the problem could be. She watched the soldiers breaking off into pairs. The inn was obviously big, but hardly big enough to accommodate one soldier to a room. It hit her then. He didn't know where to put her.
A smirk slid across her lips. Where to house the lone girl soldier? Such strange and troubling issues with which to occupy a general's mind. Mulan nearly laughed at the incredulity that joined consternation in Shang's face. But remorse followed quickly after, at her own responsibility for his dilemma. He had other things on his mind, she knew. Things he'd do better to actually acknowledge. She had yet to see him grieve for his father and could not understand how he bore it. Mulan watched him more minutes and then left her horse to explain that it really wouldn't be a problem where she slept as she intended to do that and only that. Changing out of her clothes wasn't even really an option, she was so exhausted.
"Shang..." she began.
The look he sent her way left the words hanging off her lips unsaid. At the end of it all, the Consul was going to board with Yao for the night, to the mumbled and obvious discontent of both, Chien-Po and Ling had been paired up, and she was being led upstairs by a young woman to the room she was meant to spend the night in. Not alone, quite the opposite actually, she was sharing with Shang. Apparently, and to no one's surprise, the Consul was "certainly NOT going to reside in such close proximity with a female, no matter how long." Further, the doctor had to inspect her wounds, she would need to have them cleaned and re-bandaged and well, Shang was not exactly willing to take the chance that anyone else might learn what the few of them had. They agreed that the place least likely for that to happen would be the General's room. Not many men were likely to approach it, let alone walk in unannounced.
Mulan couldn't really argue against the logic. Still, she resented the way her fate – or sleeping arrangements at least – were in the hands of these few men who treated it much like they would a battle plan. She felt less a person and more an unwanted pet. It stung. When offered a room, though, any room, she took it. And fell gratefully onto the waiting mattress.
Another hour later, Shang walked in, bathtub in tow. He had the innkeeper set everything up and then leave, just what he intended to do. Except the girl was asleep.
Shang walked over to where she lay on her bed. He stared at her, at the way her face fell into such peace when she slept. The ghosts that haunted her waking hours, that flitted across her face at different intervals during the day, seemed strangely to leave her alone in her sleep. It bothered him that he noticed the difference, that despite everything he still watched her enough to know. It bothered him too the way his fingers crept up to draw soft lines against the contours of her face. It bothered him that he wanted to feel his lips on hers, that he could actually feel himself bending, drawn to her.
"Mulan."
He said it loudly, sharp. To snap himself out of whatever he'd fallen into as much as to wake her up. It did both.
"There's a bath," he stated simply. "I'll wait outside the door. Knock when you're done and I'll send the doctor up."
She rubbed the confusion out of her eyes, nearly gasping at the fact that there was warm water two feet away from where she sat. She got up as he walked out of the room, not looking back.
"I'm glad you're healing," Shang told her as the doctor left, following his inspection, and he re-entered the room.
Mulan nearly fell over at the words. They were almost kind.
"Maybe now that that's all done," he said, walking over to the bath, "the rest of us can allow ourselves the liberty of enjoying such luxuries as first go to the invalid, women and children."
Something in her recoiled and then bit back. She was so goddamn tired of being sorry. Of feeling guilty, accepting this scorn.
"You make it sound like the three are one."
"In your case, aren't they?"
"No."
"You're wounded. You're a woman, contrary to popular opinion. And ... how old ARE you, Mulan?"
"Eighteen."
"Three for three, 'soldier'."
"I suppose you're a jaded, old veteran," she snapped. "And the fact that I'm wounded is my own fault, of course, not the result of trying to save your life."
"You think, I suppose, that your being a woman gives you the right to show such disrespect?" Shang said, quietly. Angry. "I am still your superior."
"You're only my superior if you acknowledge me as a soldier," she spit back. "And we both know that's hardly the case."
He wouldn't look at her, let alone answer.
"So spare me the bullshit. I'm swimming in it as it is."
His eyes flew up to meet hers.
"I've got a fucking WOMAN in my barracks, don't tell ME about bullshit."
She looked at him, calm black eyes staring up from between wisps of black hair. Quiet, she stood in the face of his anger. Then quietly she spoke.
"Bullshit indeed, the general of one of China's "great armies" owing his life to a "fucking woman". It MUST be a harsh burden to bear."
Shang's surprise slid almost imperceptible into his eyes.
"I owe you nothing," he told her, quiet now too. "I spared you. My debt is repaid."
"Your debt is far from repaid, General. I risked my life for yours. And that act was marked by my sweat, my blood. What have you done?"
There was nothing in his eyes to tell of the doubt in his heart. He would keep the contents of that place secret though it cost him his life.
Mulan sneered softly, almost apologetic. Sad.
"You made an executive decision."
She got into bed and curled to face the wall. It wasn't until long after she fell asleep that Shang even began to try.