Matrix: Demoted
Fade in. Inscitus lies on couch w/ newspaper over his head. Phone rings. He grabs for it, can't reach, falls off couch, grabs phone, answers it.
Inscitus: Hello?
Graveolens's voice: Hello Inscitus. I have called you because you have a feeling.
Inscitus: If this is about those Victoria's Secret catalogs, they're for my mom, I swear!
Graveolens's voice: Not that kind of feeling. A feeling that something is wrong with the universe. If you want to learn more meet me at 1st and 5th at 5 o'clock.
A click.
Inscitus: Ooooookay. (hangs up phone, crawls back on couch to sleep.)
Fade out. Fade in, A front door. There is a knock. Inscitus enters, answers door. Graveolens storms in wearing a gray bathrobe.
Graveolens: What are you doing!? You were supposed to meet me half an hour ago!
Inscitus: I- I thought you were selling something.
Graveolens: SELLING SOMETHING!? I'm trying to show you the truth of your freaking existence!
Inscitus: Are you wearing a bathrobe?
Graveolens: Have you any idea how much a full leather jacket costs? Now, I'm going to give you a choice. (reaches into pocket, pulls out blue pill) You take the blue pill, you wake up in a few hours with no memory of this. (pulls out red pill) You take the red pill, I show you the truth.
Inscitus quickly eats both.
Graveolens: D- Did you just take both pills!?
Inscitus: Yeah, so what, I ate both jelly beans.
Graveolens: Those weren't jelly beans! They were-
Inscitus faints.
Graveolens: Oh for the love of-(calls outside) Get in here!
Fanbelt enters, grabs Inscitus's feet, Graveolens grabs his shoulders, they carry him outside.
Show payphone, Graveolens has the reciever up to his ear, Fanbelt stands behind him, Inscitus is propped unconscious against the wall.
Voice: Please deposit fifty cents.
Graveolens: (sighs) (to Fanbelt) You got a couple quarters on you?
Fanbelt: Maybe, hold on. (searches pockets, pulls out two quarters, hands them to Graveolens.)
Graveolens puts in quarters.
Voice: One second.
A tiny pause. Graveolens dissappears with a *bing*. Fanbelt picks up reciever.
Voice: Please deposit fifty cents.
Fanbelt: Aw dammit.
Show Inscitus lying on a cot.
Inscitus: I had the most wonderful dream. I woke up naked in a big glass tube, with wires connected to all my oriphices. Then a magic leprechaun came. . . with steel claws. . .
Pan over to Graveolens and Fanbelt standing.
Graveolens: Did you really have to give him so much morphine?
Fanbelt: I had to do SOMETHING to calm him down. (holds up bandaged finger) He bit me!
Show Fanbelt and Graveolens walking on either side of Inscitus, Inscitus looks very alarmed.
Inscitus: Where am I!?
Graveolens: On my ship, the Pygmalion. Actually, it's only a rental, but that's beside the point. (they come to a door) Right through here. (opens door, walks into tech room. USB Port sits at a computer)
Graveolens: Welcome, Inscitus. I am Graveolens, this is Fanbelt, and this is USB Port. What I am about to show you is going to shatter your entire perception of reality. (to USB port) Load the matrix.
USB: Just a second. (hits a few keys)
Computer: Welcome. You've got mail.
USB: Anyone wanna tighten their buns in only forty days?
Graveolens and Fanbelt together: NO!
USB: Fine. Your loss. (hits a few more keys) Alright, it's ready for you.
Graveolens: Good. (pushes Inscitus into chair) (to Fanbelt) Plug him in.
Fanbelt grabs cord.
Inscitus: (gets up) Whoa whoa whoa, that's my cue to leave.
Graveolens: (grabs Inscitus's shoulder) Relax, it goes in your neck. (pushes him back into chair) (murmurs to Fanbelt) Grab the non-anal one, will you?
Show outside in street. Only Graveolens can be seen.
Graveolens: (looks out as he speaks) Welcome to the matrix, Inscitus. What you look like now is a residual self image- it is you as you percieve yourself. You see, in the matrix- (looks over, gapes) What the hell!?
Pan over, Inscitus stands in a dress.
Inscitus: What, you don't think red is my color?
Show USB Port and Fanbelt, USB sits at computer, Fanbelt stands looking over his shoulder.
Fanbelt: So he's explaining it all to Inscitus?
USB: Yup.
Fanbelt: How's he takin' it?
USB: I dunno. most of his thoughts seem to involve ice cream sandwiches.
Fanbelt: Weird.
Show Graveolens and Inscitus, Inscitus now wears a long black coat.
Graveolens: So you see, you can move much faster and fight much better in the matrix than you ever could in real life. Observe. (punches Inscitus in the face. Inscitus looks dazed for a second, then falls unconscious.) We're going to have to work on that one.
Several days later. . .
Show Inscitus, Graveolens and Fanbelt walking out of house.
Fanbelt: So what'd the Oracle say?
Inscitus: She just started laughing until I walked out.
Graveolens: What part of 'what the Oracle said is yours alone' didn't you understand!?
Fanbelt: Sorry, sorry. So where's the nearest exit?
Graveolens takes out a small paperback book labeled 'Exits and you'.
Graveolens: . . .a phone lying in the middle of the sidewalk right over there. (points)
Fanbelt: That's. . . convenient.
Graveolens picks up phone, dissappears with a bing. Fanbelt moves to take the phone.
Voice of a Smith: Mr. Tompson.
Fanbelt and Inscitus both look over. Pan over, a Smith stands with his hands on his hips. Inscitus looks apprehensively at Fanbelt.
Fanbelt: You're on your own. (picks up phone, dissappears)
Inscitus looks over at Smith, slowly begins to move toward phone.
Smith: Don't even think about it. (runs over, punches Inscitus in face)
Inscitus: (turns head back to Smith, wipes blood off corner of mouth.) (toughly) Try that again. (Smith punches him again. Inscitus turns back) Try that again, a little bit slower.
They begin to fight- Smith attacks first, Inscitus blocks each, Smith finally connects with a blow to the head. Inscitus recovers, attacks, Smith blocks each of his blows, pushes him away. Smith attacks again, Inscitus blocks each blow, ending with both of his arms crossed to block a punch. A long pause as they stare. Smith stomps on Incitus's foot. Inscitus hops backward, runs back up, does a Three Stooges eye poke. Smith does one back. Inscitus attempts another, Smith blocks, Inscitus hits him. Smith attempts another eye poke, Inscitus does a 'bullet time' to avoid it. They go back and forth with different Three Stooges moves. Finally Smith does two hard punches to the face, then rams Inscitus's head into his knee.
Inscitus: (now on his knees) That's not a Three Stooges move!
Smith kicks Inscitus in the face, Inscitus flies back. Smith kicks him in the side a few times, then pulls out a gun and aims it at him.
Smith: Goodbye, Mr. Tompson.
Show USB at computer, Fanbelt and Graveolens gape over his shoulder. A gunshot is heard. They all sigh.
USB: That was dissappointing.
Graveolens walks glumly away. USB and Fanbelt watch him go, then turn to each other.
USB: Guess he definitely wasn't the One.
Fanbelt: Oh well. There's always that Keanu guy.
Fade in. Inscitus lies on couch w/ newspaper over his head. Phone rings. He grabs for it, can't reach, falls off couch, grabs phone, answers it.
Inscitus: Hello?
Graveolens's voice: Hello Inscitus. I have called you because you have a feeling.
Inscitus: If this is about those Victoria's Secret catalogs, they're for my mom, I swear!
Graveolens's voice: Not that kind of feeling. A feeling that something is wrong with the universe. If you want to learn more meet me at 1st and 5th at 5 o'clock.
A click.
Inscitus: Ooooookay. (hangs up phone, crawls back on couch to sleep.)
Fade out. Fade in, A front door. There is a knock. Inscitus enters, answers door. Graveolens storms in wearing a gray bathrobe.
Graveolens: What are you doing!? You were supposed to meet me half an hour ago!
Inscitus: I- I thought you were selling something.
Graveolens: SELLING SOMETHING!? I'm trying to show you the truth of your freaking existence!
Inscitus: Are you wearing a bathrobe?
Graveolens: Have you any idea how much a full leather jacket costs? Now, I'm going to give you a choice. (reaches into pocket, pulls out blue pill) You take the blue pill, you wake up in a few hours with no memory of this. (pulls out red pill) You take the red pill, I show you the truth.
Inscitus quickly eats both.
Graveolens: D- Did you just take both pills!?
Inscitus: Yeah, so what, I ate both jelly beans.
Graveolens: Those weren't jelly beans! They were-
Inscitus faints.
Graveolens: Oh for the love of-(calls outside) Get in here!
Fanbelt enters, grabs Inscitus's feet, Graveolens grabs his shoulders, they carry him outside.
Show payphone, Graveolens has the reciever up to his ear, Fanbelt stands behind him, Inscitus is propped unconscious against the wall.
Voice: Please deposit fifty cents.
Graveolens: (sighs) (to Fanbelt) You got a couple quarters on you?
Fanbelt: Maybe, hold on. (searches pockets, pulls out two quarters, hands them to Graveolens.)
Graveolens puts in quarters.
Voice: One second.
A tiny pause. Graveolens dissappears with a *bing*. Fanbelt picks up reciever.
Voice: Please deposit fifty cents.
Fanbelt: Aw dammit.
Show Inscitus lying on a cot.
Inscitus: I had the most wonderful dream. I woke up naked in a big glass tube, with wires connected to all my oriphices. Then a magic leprechaun came. . . with steel claws. . .
Pan over to Graveolens and Fanbelt standing.
Graveolens: Did you really have to give him so much morphine?
Fanbelt: I had to do SOMETHING to calm him down. (holds up bandaged finger) He bit me!
Show Fanbelt and Graveolens walking on either side of Inscitus, Inscitus looks very alarmed.
Inscitus: Where am I!?
Graveolens: On my ship, the Pygmalion. Actually, it's only a rental, but that's beside the point. (they come to a door) Right through here. (opens door, walks into tech room. USB Port sits at a computer)
Graveolens: Welcome, Inscitus. I am Graveolens, this is Fanbelt, and this is USB Port. What I am about to show you is going to shatter your entire perception of reality. (to USB port) Load the matrix.
USB: Just a second. (hits a few keys)
Computer: Welcome. You've got mail.
USB: Anyone wanna tighten their buns in only forty days?
Graveolens and Fanbelt together: NO!
USB: Fine. Your loss. (hits a few more keys) Alright, it's ready for you.
Graveolens: Good. (pushes Inscitus into chair) (to Fanbelt) Plug him in.
Fanbelt grabs cord.
Inscitus: (gets up) Whoa whoa whoa, that's my cue to leave.
Graveolens: (grabs Inscitus's shoulder) Relax, it goes in your neck. (pushes him back into chair) (murmurs to Fanbelt) Grab the non-anal one, will you?
Show outside in street. Only Graveolens can be seen.
Graveolens: (looks out as he speaks) Welcome to the matrix, Inscitus. What you look like now is a residual self image- it is you as you percieve yourself. You see, in the matrix- (looks over, gapes) What the hell!?
Pan over, Inscitus stands in a dress.
Inscitus: What, you don't think red is my color?
Show USB Port and Fanbelt, USB sits at computer, Fanbelt stands looking over his shoulder.
Fanbelt: So he's explaining it all to Inscitus?
USB: Yup.
Fanbelt: How's he takin' it?
USB: I dunno. most of his thoughts seem to involve ice cream sandwiches.
Fanbelt: Weird.
Show Graveolens and Inscitus, Inscitus now wears a long black coat.
Graveolens: So you see, you can move much faster and fight much better in the matrix than you ever could in real life. Observe. (punches Inscitus in the face. Inscitus looks dazed for a second, then falls unconscious.) We're going to have to work on that one.
Several days later. . .
Show Inscitus, Graveolens and Fanbelt walking out of house.
Fanbelt: So what'd the Oracle say?
Inscitus: She just started laughing until I walked out.
Graveolens: What part of 'what the Oracle said is yours alone' didn't you understand!?
Fanbelt: Sorry, sorry. So where's the nearest exit?
Graveolens takes out a small paperback book labeled 'Exits and you'.
Graveolens: . . .a phone lying in the middle of the sidewalk right over there. (points)
Fanbelt: That's. . . convenient.
Graveolens picks up phone, dissappears with a bing. Fanbelt moves to take the phone.
Voice of a Smith: Mr. Tompson.
Fanbelt and Inscitus both look over. Pan over, a Smith stands with his hands on his hips. Inscitus looks apprehensively at Fanbelt.
Fanbelt: You're on your own. (picks up phone, dissappears)
Inscitus looks over at Smith, slowly begins to move toward phone.
Smith: Don't even think about it. (runs over, punches Inscitus in face)
Inscitus: (turns head back to Smith, wipes blood off corner of mouth.) (toughly) Try that again. (Smith punches him again. Inscitus turns back) Try that again, a little bit slower.
They begin to fight- Smith attacks first, Inscitus blocks each, Smith finally connects with a blow to the head. Inscitus recovers, attacks, Smith blocks each of his blows, pushes him away. Smith attacks again, Inscitus blocks each blow, ending with both of his arms crossed to block a punch. A long pause as they stare. Smith stomps on Incitus's foot. Inscitus hops backward, runs back up, does a Three Stooges eye poke. Smith does one back. Inscitus attempts another, Smith blocks, Inscitus hits him. Smith attempts another eye poke, Inscitus does a 'bullet time' to avoid it. They go back and forth with different Three Stooges moves. Finally Smith does two hard punches to the face, then rams Inscitus's head into his knee.
Inscitus: (now on his knees) That's not a Three Stooges move!
Smith kicks Inscitus in the face, Inscitus flies back. Smith kicks him in the side a few times, then pulls out a gun and aims it at him.
Smith: Goodbye, Mr. Tompson.
Show USB at computer, Fanbelt and Graveolens gape over his shoulder. A gunshot is heard. They all sigh.
USB: That was dissappointing.
Graveolens walks glumly away. USB and Fanbelt watch him go, then turn to each other.
USB: Guess he definitely wasn't the One.
Fanbelt: Oh well. There's always that Keanu guy.