Disclaimer: I would not be wasting my time writing fanfics if I owned anything in this story... and got paid for it. I would be buying a Mustang for me (when I'm 16. stupid driving laws) right now if I owned His Dark Materials. So don't sue me. It's that simple. (My writing partner says "lots and lots of poptarts" too. So yeah.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will and Lyra were getting bored. Not of snogging each other; of course. Of the room. It was completely white: white carpet; walls; couch; couch-bed; the covers on the couch-bed; the toothbrushes; the toothpaste; the shampoo... it was getting a little old, not to mention the glass wall with the cliche aliens observing and drinking coffee... Coffee. One thing that they both missed a lot. See, coffee isn't white. Apparantly, the aliens decided to extend the whiteness to their diet, which consisted mostly of steamed rice. So it was to their amazement that one day, a black button popped up.
So Will goes, "COFFEE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD," and guess what he does. I don't think your guessing. Now GUESS. He. . . PRESSES THE BUTTON. *gasp* He hoped it would be coffee. But no. That would just be too cliche. Out comes a singing asparagus. (It wasn't MY idea!) He's a SPECIAL Cliche-Singing-Asparagus. Perfect for annoying all the readers.
The asparagus blinked. How, I do not know, since asparaguses have no facial feautres whatsoever. But it did. Hey, maybe it was alien asparagus. I can see it now, "Mo-om! I dont want to eat it! Its smiling at me!" .::hem::. Anyways. . . It took a deep breath (HE DID! Despite the lack of a mouth or a respitory system, he bloody did it! Yay!) and belted out the following in a deep, oprah-like voice:
"THAAAAAAAAA-" and was suddenly interrupted by an intense bout of coughing. "That's life," he croaked out. Or she. Or it? Whatever. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
"Really?" Lyra intoned.
The asparagus ignored her. "Carpe diem! Smile! It makes people wonder!"
"Excuse me, but are you going to kee-" Will was interrupted by a hacking sound.
Rather disgusting.
Will and Lyra saw the singing asparagus coughing up. . . something really, really, gross. And white. So Will pushed the black button, hoping the asparagus would leave. It did. Will and Lyra celebrated by making out some more.
When they were done making out (which wasn't for a LONG time), they sat down on the white loveseat, facing the white table, picked up their white spoons, and ate their steamed rice and drank their milk. (The author would like to add: 'There IS NO SPOON.' Anyone who can tell me where that is from gets to choose something that happens in the next chapter.) Then, they sat down and contemplated The Button of Doom, or possibly The Button of Annoyance, simply because The Button That Brings Out The Singing Cliche Asparagus was. . . too obvious.
They decided that The Button of (insert button or asaragus describing word here) was completely random and they shouldn't worry about it when they could be snogging. So they went and brushed their teeth. Then they snogged. And the author thinks it's time for a new chapter. And remember. . . THERE IS NO SPOON.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will and Lyra were getting bored. Not of snogging each other; of course. Of the room. It was completely white: white carpet; walls; couch; couch-bed; the covers on the couch-bed; the toothbrushes; the toothpaste; the shampoo... it was getting a little old, not to mention the glass wall with the cliche aliens observing and drinking coffee... Coffee. One thing that they both missed a lot. See, coffee isn't white. Apparantly, the aliens decided to extend the whiteness to their diet, which consisted mostly of steamed rice. So it was to their amazement that one day, a black button popped up.
So Will goes, "COFFEE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD," and guess what he does. I don't think your guessing. Now GUESS. He. . . PRESSES THE BUTTON. *gasp* He hoped it would be coffee. But no. That would just be too cliche. Out comes a singing asparagus. (It wasn't MY idea!) He's a SPECIAL Cliche-Singing-Asparagus. Perfect for annoying all the readers.
The asparagus blinked. How, I do not know, since asparaguses have no facial feautres whatsoever. But it did. Hey, maybe it was alien asparagus. I can see it now, "Mo-om! I dont want to eat it! Its smiling at me!" .::hem::. Anyways. . . It took a deep breath (HE DID! Despite the lack of a mouth or a respitory system, he bloody did it! Yay!) and belted out the following in a deep, oprah-like voice:
"THAAAAAAAAA-" and was suddenly interrupted by an intense bout of coughing. "That's life," he croaked out. Or she. Or it? Whatever. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
"Really?" Lyra intoned.
The asparagus ignored her. "Carpe diem! Smile! It makes people wonder!"
"Excuse me, but are you going to kee-" Will was interrupted by a hacking sound.
Rather disgusting.
Will and Lyra saw the singing asparagus coughing up. . . something really, really, gross. And white. So Will pushed the black button, hoping the asparagus would leave. It did. Will and Lyra celebrated by making out some more.
When they were done making out (which wasn't for a LONG time), they sat down on the white loveseat, facing the white table, picked up their white spoons, and ate their steamed rice and drank their milk. (The author would like to add: 'There IS NO SPOON.' Anyone who can tell me where that is from gets to choose something that happens in the next chapter.) Then, they sat down and contemplated The Button of Doom, or possibly The Button of Annoyance, simply because The Button That Brings Out The Singing Cliche Asparagus was. . . too obvious.
They decided that The Button of (insert button or asaragus describing word here) was completely random and they shouldn't worry about it when they could be snogging. So they went and brushed their teeth. Then they snogged. And the author thinks it's time for a new chapter. And remember. . . THERE IS NO SPOON.