Never in my life have I felt such pain
No injury could compare
To how I feel when I see you,
Each day.
I hoped you could see me as a wanderer,
Never fully trust me,
Yet let me protect from afar.
But now,
You look at me differently.
You laugh with me differently.
You love me.
I cannot return your feelings.
It's not that I don't love you,
I love you more than life itself.
But I can't allow myself to love you.
I can't allow myself what I long for most.
For you.
I do it all for you.

Each day is torture.
I avoid you by doing each chore available.
No use.
I still see you.
I still love you.
It hurts so badly when you try to talk to me
About nothing
Yet your eyes ask me each time the same.

'Do you love me?
I love you.
Will you love me back?
Can you love me back?'

I want to tell you no.
I cannot love you.
But that would hurt you as well as me.
I couldn't hurt you.
Not ever.
I suffer as I hear your voice.
So different from hers.
She, the only other who loved me.
Who I loved.
Who I killed.
She who with my own hands
My own sword
I-
No.
No I cannot go through that again.
That almost killed me.
I still have the wounds,
So deep in my heart
They can never show,
Yet will never fade.

No
I cannot love you.
Soon you will lose interest.
See me for the murderer I am.
Soon you will find another.
One who is young.
One who has never stained his hands
With the blood of the innocent.
One who is worthy.
One who can love you to his hearts content.
With out endangering you.
Then you will be happy.
And I can be happy for you.

Your happiness is mine,
Kaoru-dono,
I shall always be here to comfort.
I will always protect you.
I will always love you.
But not out loud.
For your sake.