Title: Predilection
Authoress: Hikaru R. Kudou
Ratings: PG – simply because it involves shounen-ai
Chapter: 1/?
Genre: Shounen ai / Mild yaoi, General – a spoonful of romance, a touch of humour and a dash of angst
Pairings: Sanzo/Goku, Gojyo/Hakkai
Warnings: Minor OOC-ness (frankly I don't think so…), clichéd plot, the authoress' poor command of English, grammatical errors, late update, etc
Summary: Struggling with their inner conflicts and fears, Sanzo and Goku reflect and explore one of life's most complex and important questions…the definition of love.
DISCLAIMER: Minekura Kazuya-sama owns Saiyuki, I own the storyline, moreover Sanzo and Goku belong to each other. Voila, everybody is happy…

Authoress' Notes: Currently I'm obsessed with a song called Predilection, sung by one of the most recognized seiyuu's, Yamaguchi Kappei from the anime Gravitation (yup, that yaoi anime). I'm actually listening to it (over and over again) as I type this chapter into my computer. Subsequently I decided to call this fanfic Predilection to boot. Well, enjoy the story! *bows*
            And if there's a fic out there that is similar or almost similar to this one here, I apologize profusely. It's purely coincidental.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
+Goku's POV+

            What is love?

            I asked everybody for an answer to that really, really mysterious question—Sanzo, Hakkai, the water cockroach, Hakuryu, Kougaiji, Homura, and the bun vendor—but I did not get a straight answer.
            "Urusei, saru! Don't ask me that sort of questions!" Thwack!

            "Eeto, it's a special type of bond shared by two people, in which a promise was made for them to stay forever united in hands and hearts, even in the midst of chaos…" From there Hakkai, voluble as ever, elapsed into big, confusing words, as if reciting a piece of romantic poetry.

            "Love? My boy, you've come to the right person. Nobody knows love better than I do." Gojyo stole a suggestive wink in Hakkai's direction. "It's when two people, blinded with love—"

            "But what exactly does it mean?"

            "Don't interrupt me; I was just going into that. They start by looking for a private place, then—" At this point Sanzo was beating the life out of the cockroach, with Hakkai trying his very best to resolve the situation in the background.

            "Kyuu? Kyuu kyuu kyuu kyuu!"(Love? I never experienced it before. It's pretty hard to find a dragon about the same size as I am. Can you imagine my being with a ten-foot dragon? Not a very comforting thought…)

            That did not work at all. I did not understand a word the white mini dragon was trying to convey to me. And I can't read sign languages either.

            "L-love? Why are you asking me about that in the middle of our battle?"

            Kougaiji refused to answer, but I noticed that his cheeks were slightly red, Yes, even with that dark complexion of his, I could still see that faint tinge of crimson colouring his cheeks. I would ponder over it, but I have a far more important question to find out.

            "Love?" Homura paused for quite some time. "…Rinrei…"

            Basically his answer consisted of Rinrei, Rinrei and Rinrei. I lost count as to how many times he repeated the word. He did not explain to me about the identity of Rinrei. I asked him who (or what) Rinrei is, but he pushed it aside and began that "Son Goku, have you gotten stronger" rigmarole, rendering my thinking that Rinrei is some sort of food.

            So you see why I had to ask the bun vendor.

            "You want to know about love, my dear boy? Well, love is the force that makes the world go round, the ray of the sun—"

            I would correct that last phrase of his, since I stand strong on the belief that Sanzo is the sun, but he was too busy talking to acknowledge my attempt.

            "Regard these buns, my boy! They look ordinary to the naked eye, yes?"

            "Err…I don't think I understand your meaning…"

            "Take these white, fluffy edibles as life itself!"

            I wondered what similarities could the buns and life in general possibly be sharing. However I listened all the same, trying to grab his ideas.

            "Love to life, is the same as the fillings to each bun! Each one of them is unique, even though they came from the same mixing pot, the same animal, or even the same vendor!"

            I was officially confused.

            "Imagine, the horrors of not finding the fillings in a bun!"

            "Well, I can always dip it into—"

            "Aah, but will it be the same? Will the act of dunking the empty bun guarantee your satisfaction once you hold it inside your mouth, as you sink your teeth into it, as you chew the plain surface, as you swallow it, as you digest it?"

            I scratched my head, completely puzzled. A few passers-by, who were listening intently, did the same.

            "Whatever it is, everyone has a different concept about love. You'll find your love one day, thus coming up with your own notion of it."

            "But how am I supposed to know when it finally arrived?"

            The elderly bun vendor, chuckling, grabbed a bun from each division of buns on his table. With swift gestures of his hands, he rearranged the sequence of the buns. He presented the five buns, nearly lined up, one next to the other, to me.

            "Can you tell me the fillings of each bun, just by looking at them? No sniffing, now."

            I shook my head. "I'll have to bite into it first."

            "Precisely!" He grinned from ear to ear. Nodding once, he instructed me to take one and eat it.

            I obeyed willingly. "This one has curry in it."

            "And what does that tell you?"

            I racked my brain, searching for a conclusion. "That you'll charge me for another bun?"

            Sighing, he shook his head. "It's on the house. No, boy, it means that you'll have to experience it first before you recognize love."

            Needless to say, I was back at square one.

=Sanzo's POV=

            The saru's simple question triggered some sort of perplexity in me.

            What, exactly, is love all about?

            Why didn't my late master, Koumyou Sanzo, teach me that? He taught me all kinds of essential ingredients in life, as he put it, but never did he guide me when it comes to matters that revolve around love.

            Does that mean love is not a vital part in life?

            "Well, Koryu, I can't really give a definite answer to that…"

            "Naze?"

            "I've never been in one, so I never had the chance to truly feel it."

            "Sou ka…"

            My master smiled, his hand on my shoulder. "But I heard it's…amazing."

            "Amazing?"

            "Ah…the power of love…it is amazing…"

            And that was the end of our discussion—if it was a discussion in the first place.

            "Sanzo?" Hakkai's voice breaks the tangled thread of my thoughts. "Is anything bothering you?"

            I snort. "Why should there be?"

            "Well…I believe you should get rid of that cigarette end in your mouth. I never met anyone who…used a cigarette until nothing is left."

            Damn. And here I thought he was half-blind. I chuck my overused cigarette butt indifferently in the cigarette holder.

            "Yahari…" says he slowly.

            I do not turn to look at him. There is no need to, for I know what is about to come.

            "It is about Goku's question, isn't it?"

            I hate it when people seem to know what's on my mind. Zettai ni.

            "Daijoubu desu, Sanzo. You can tell me. Both Gojyo and Goku are out, you know."

            "Why should I tell you?"

            "Or would you rather talk to Gojyo, instead?"

            Hell, why is it that Hakkai seems to be making sense all the time?

            "So what actually attracted you to that water cockroach?" I ask flatly.

            "Gojyo desu ka?" Hakkai fingers his chin thoughtfully. "Saa…I don't know."

            "Rubbish."

            He laughs. "I just have the feeling that I need him."

            "Need? You mean—"

            Eyes wide open; he waves his hands in refutation. "No, no, no, Sanzo! Chigau desu yo! It's nothing like that!"

            "Then what is?"

            He looks at his feet, an excuse to hide his blushing face from me. "I need him—and I know he needs me too—as a lover, as a man—not merely as an object to satisfy his…lust."

            I only stare at him. My stare must have made him uneasy as he grimaces slightly.

            "I just know it, Sanzo, despite that he's a Don Juan and all…"

            "You like this—love?"

            "By all means. It's beautiful, to be with your loved one. Hanging on his every word, his delicate touch that tells me how much he treasures me…" Hakkai chortles, like a young amused child. "If you'll excuse me, I think I have to go out for a moment…"

            Hakkai closes the door behind him. Before long I hear Gojyo's voice from outside the inn, and Hakkai's cordial laughter follows next. I make my way to the window, just in time to see Gojyo slinging an arm around the monocled youkai before walking off together.

            What is so remarkable about this thing they call love? Why does everybody want it when it only brings pain?

            Humans are hopeless idiots. Take Hakkai for instance. Sure, he's a youkai now but he was once a human, so he counts.

            Whatever happened to Kanan? Before, he was deeply in love with her. Because of her, he massacred innumerable youkais which resulted in him being a youkai himself; a smile that very seldom leaves his face, and a severe scar.

            And now? Now he's constantly mumbling sweet nothings to Gojyo, and the half-youkai to him. Most of the times, I felt like puking whenever I heard what they were saying.

            If you're wondering why the heck I never let them share a room together, it's because I know they would be up the whole night, doing that thing they are so fond of doing, and by then who knows how the hell are we going to continue our godforsaken journey, with a sleepy driver behind the wheel.

            Second reason; the saru would be waking me up in the middle of the night, bugging me forever, asking me what those weird noises are.

            And no, Genjo Sanzo does not feel jealous seeing those idiots sick with this ailment—no, make that disease—they call love.

            "SANZO!"

            Damn it, what's the fuss now!?

            I throw the windows open. The saru is arguing with that female youkai—Kougaiji's sister.

            "She stole my buns!" wails Goku, shaking an angry finger in her direction.

            "Baldie Sanzo!" She waves her hand at me, attracting attention from the townspeople.

            Out of the blue they are jumping from one building to another, finally into my window, straight at me.

            The youkai is on top of me. "Baldie Sanzo! Genki desu ka?"

            "Teme!" cries Goku. "I'll get you for that! Don't touch Sanzo!"

            I grit my teeth in frustration. I try to reach for my pistol, but she has hopped away from me…

            …Only to be replaced by Goku.

            "Ah, Sanzo!" His eyes, only a few centimetres away from my face, are wide open in bewilderment. He seems to have forgotten to blink.

            Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or is he blushing?

            And why is my heart beating vigorously?

            "Baka saru! Catch me if you can!" The she-demon runs out of the room.

            Goku looks straight at me for a few minutes. His face becomes redder by the moment. He must have noticed it, as he quickly moves from on top of me awkwardly.

            "S-Sanzo…I…sorry…really…an accident…" With that, he turns on his heel and runs out of the room, leaving my staring after his retreating back.

            Why didn't I notice beforehand how stuffy the room is?

-+-+-+-+-

            Nothing of interest happen next. But why do I feel myself glancing at that saru every now and then?

            "…don't you agree?"

            I blink once before looking sideways at Hakkai. "Nan da?"

            Hakkai's smile broadens. "I was saying that we should leave first thing tomorrow morning."

            "Hm." I sip my coffee offhandedly. I outstretch my arm, equipped with chopsticks, targeting the last fishcake. Another pair of chopsticks seizes the fishcake at the same time as I do.

            "Ah! Gomen!" Goku quickly pulls his arm back. "Sanzo, you can have it." Again, he is blushing.

            I release the rectangular piece, snorting as I do so. I push my chair backwards and stand up.

            "Going to bed already?" asks Gojyo, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. "The night is still young."

            "I'm not hungry anymore."

            "Hai. Oyasumi nasai, Sanzo." Hakkai taps his chopsticks as a signal.

            "Sanzo…good night."

            Goku's good night wish freezes my step for a split second, but I walk on in the end.

+Goku's POV+

            My eyes are glued on Sanzo, until he disappeared from view. Then, I stare at fishcake.

            Did I do anything wrong?

            "Oi, saru, if you don't want it," Gojyo is saying, "I'll be glad to—HEY! No fair! You oversized lizard!"

            "Now, now, Gojyo…" begins Hakkai. "Hakuryu's not a lizard…"

            "Kyu!" affirms Hakuryu.

            "But he cheated!" protests Gojyo.

            "All's fair in love and war," Hakkai teases.

            There it is again, the reference of love. Just what is so great about it?

            "Hey, saru, what is wrong with you? You've been staring at the door for ages." Gojyo's call yanks my wandering thoughts back to me.

            "Ah, nothing is wrong…"

            "Well, then? What the hell are you thinking of? Oh, wait, my mistake. You don't have enough brain to think!"

            "Hey! I do have a brain!"

            "Wow, that's news to me."

            I jump immediately on Gojyo's inviting dispute. Although my mind (yes, I do have one—maybe more than what I'm usually ascribed for) is busy thinking of retorts to shoot back at Gojyo, a small portion of it is still musing about Sanzo.

-+-+-+-+-

            'Maybe Sanzo is mad at me because I pounced on him this morning,' I think as I pull the blanket over my body and snuggle into my comfortable bed.

            Gojyo is out with Hakkai, taking their nightly walk around town, alone except on for the other's company.

            I toss and turn several times. I start to believe that Sanzo is mad at me. It is the only rational answer, isn't it? And the fact that I wanted the last fishcake merely aggravated the whole situation. I shouldn't have wanted it—I should've let Sanzo have it.

            It is only right for him to—he paid for it. In fact, he paid for everything. Even if the golden credit card does not belong to him, it is up to him on how to spend it. Most of the time, it's on food—for me.

            Yet I repay him horribly. When was the last time I did something useful to him? I can't remember at all.

            Does that mean I'm really useless to him?

            I don't want to be…

=Sanzo's POV=

            "Goku!" I call. "Where are you? Answer me, damn it!"

            The darkness of the forest renders my eyesight useless. I march straight on, searching for him.

            "Sanzo…"

            The voice comes from behind. I turn abruptly, and I see him. He is standing about five feet away, and he is not enveloped in darkness. There is light, a bright one, illuminating his every feature. His gloomy face.

            "Goku…?"

            "I'm sorry, Sanzo, but I…" He lowers his head. "I have to go."

            "The light vanish immediately. I pick up my pace, running in what had been the light's—Goku's—location.

            Nothing. He is gone.

-+-+-+-+-

            I wake up with a start, only to realize that it was nothing more than a dream—a nightmare. I get out of bed, and enter the room opposite mine—Gojyo's and Goku.

            The bed is empty. Both beds are.

            Anxious, I approach the bed. That is when I notice a figure is sprawled on the floor, still fast asleep. Goku.

            I sigh quietly. I am only being paranoid. Goku would never leave me…

            …or would he?

            Why am I sweating? And why is my heart pumping vibrantly again?

~to be continued~

More Authoress' Notes: The story won't be in POV format till the end – only when appropriate. As a result I might make a few (read: many) blunders here and there, so forgive my poor command of English, I beg of you! Furthermore, I'll be taking a lot of time to update, since I have other assignments to complete and books to read *sighs*.
            Hope you enjoyed the story. And thank you for reading! *bows*