Title: Predilection
Authoress: Hikaru R. Kudou
Ratings: PG –because it has shounen-ai
Chapter: 3/?
Genre: Shounen-ai / Mild yaoi, General – a spoonful of romance, a dash of humour and a teensy-weensy drop of angst
Pairings: Sanzo/Goku, Gojyo/Hakkai, one-sided Homura/Goku (as always), and a little dose of Doku/Kou
Warnings: Minor OOC-ness (in my humble opinion), clichéd plot, the authoress' imperfect English, grammatical errors, late update, etc
Summary: Struggling with their inner conflicts and fears, Sanzo and Goku reflect and explore one of life's most complex and important questions…the definition of love
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story except for the plot, the OC's and a few things I conjured up randomly…

Authoress' Notes: Special thanks for the kind reviews! *bows*

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The day for Sanzo-ikkou proceeded as usual, with nothing being out of place. Gyokumen Kousho's minor lackeys popped out once in awhile here and there, but in a matter of seconds they were singed, whacked, thrashed and shot mercilessly. Sanzo, extra-touchy that he was, took care of half of them alone.

Then Kougaiji appeared, along with his own posse. He looked a tad weary, and Goku could have sworn he (Kou) glimpsed in Dokugakuji's direction after his every sentence. Both parties would have rung the bell to start their much-anticipated duel, but Lirin gate-crashed on them with her "Baldie Sanzo!" call-outs.

"&%^$ you, Lirin!" Kougaiji vociferated crossly. He did not get it—why must Lirin make his life more miserable than it already was? "How many times have I told you to stay home and play with your *^&%$#@ dolls?!"

"Kougaiji-sama…no foul languages in front of Lirin-sama, please…" Yaone reminded him.

"I don't give a damn about it anymore! Do you know how much I've spent on your stupid Barbie set, Lirin? That old prick is too stingy—insisting she's saving her money of cosmetics and such! And now you're telling me you gave that &$%#^&* set to NII!!!???"

"Well, his bunny needed some company…" Lirin explained cheerfully. "Besides, I still keep one of the dolls. See, see?" Lirin practically shoved it at Kougaiji's face.

Consequently, the youkai prince discharged a shriek. The deadpan youkai then spun a string of curses, with Dokugakuji caressing his back, telling him to take deep breathes to calm himself down, in his effort to console him.

Gojyo slapped his forehead. "This is taking too much time! Shall we go now?"

"But it's rude to leave without informing them," Hakkai pointed out. "I don't like to disappoint them, not after they've been so eager to fight us."

"Ne, Baldie Sanzo!" Lirin had jumped off the rocks, now standing a feet away from him. "I made it myself! So pretty!"

Sanzo, as well as the rest of his posse, understood immediately Kougaiji's reason for his obscene and sudden outburst. They began with their faces making weird and out-of-this-world expressions—bulging eyes, hanging mouths, things like that—which then evolved in their colours changing drastically. Except Sanzo, obviously, who was too disgruntled to join his party in their reaction. Having a praiseworthy amount of self-esteem, he took it pretty well, really, although he had just been shocked utterly.

Lirin was holding a Barbie doll—only that her hair was short, and she was dressed in a yellow robe.

Technically, she was a figurine of Genjo Sanzo—only with a woman's body. Or should the authoress start referring to her as a 'he'?

Goku, fully recovered from his dazed state, snatched the Barbie—err, Sanzo doll away. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Give my Baldie Sanzo back!" countered Lirin, reaching for the doll in Goku's hands, but the latter sprang back.

'The hell?' thought Sanzo, irked.

"…somehow I feel…odd hearing her saying that," mused Gojyo, watching the altercation before him.

"I'll kill you and your preposterous ideas," snarled the blond, "once I'm done with those two imps."

"Don't be too harsh on them," said Hakkai lightly.

"Give him back!" Lirin insisted, throwing tantrums. "Or I…"

"No way!" retorted Goku. "Or you'll—what?"

"Or I…I'll give you cooties!"

"Cooties? What are those? Sanzo, what are—"

"I'll show you!" And Lirin kissed an expecting Goku.

-+-+-+-

Homura blinked once, then twice. His headache was exacerbating, making his surroundings look as if they were spinning around him like a giant merry-go-round. He hated rides, and he just happened to despise merry-go-rounds the most.

"Homura-sama, are you unwell?" asked Shihou, concerned.

"Nothing I cannot handle, really."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. So now, on to your tutorials. We've wasted enough time with you getting yourself lost, and I want to finish your coaching as soon as possible. First and foremost, do you know what you're supposed to do as the God of Misdirection?"

Shihou, sitting cross-legged on the gritty floor, tilted his head to think. "I help travellers to get on their way?"

"No, no! That's the job for the God of Safe Journey."

"There is such a god?"

"I'm not really sure, but since they have you I figured there'll be one—someday."

"I hope there will. Maybe the two of us can be friends…"

Homura sighed, thinking how unlikely it was for Shihou's wish to ever come true should the God of Safe Journey makes his appearance. Soon, Homura found himself thinking about his own problems with the God of Peace.

"Homura…youkais and humans must live together in harmony…" Anshi, the God of Peace said philosophically.

"It's you again…"

"Nice to meet you too, Homura."

"…"

"Homura, you must stop provoking fights."

"It's in my job description. There's nothing I can do."

"They must put their differences aside. Instead, find their similarities and work from there. It is the strongest foundation that will ensure—"

"Anshi, you're not listening to me, are you? This debate is getting us nowhere."

The lean, silver-haired god shook his head. "And I know how to make sure tranquillity finds its place among their empty hearts."

"…huh? Anshi, why don't you stop disturbing me? As the God of Peace, grant me some peace and leave me alone!"

"Alas, Homura! You have my liberal sympathy! The peace that you currently savour is merely a blind, to shield you from the awful truth…"

"…you'll be the death of me…"

"Homura, you must not say so! Speak not of disasters!"

"You're more cut out to be the God of Disaster."

"I'll show you the path to serenity. Come here, and I'll give you a warm hug."

"What!!??"

"Don't be shy, now…"

Wrinkling his face in disapproval, the war god shuddered. The hug was suffocating; Homura never knew Anshi had it in him. The worst part was that Anshi had refused to release him from the iron-like embrace until he chanted a series of loathsome, nauseous 'words of tranquillity' with Anshi's guidance. Homura felt as if something was stuck in his throat, and to breathe was no easy feat.

"…and if it's a goddess, maybe we'll fall in love and then we'll tie the knot together. She'll give birth to—"

Homura reached for his newly purchased aspirin, thanking Zenon abundantly for his invaluable assistance.

"…if it's a boy, he might become the God of Transportation! If a girl, then she's the Goddess of Transportation! We'll live happily ever after! You can be my child's godfather! Eh, Homura-sama? Homura-sama???"

-+-+-+-

"What the ^%$& is my stupid sister doing?" cried Kougaiji, who now seemed like a raging lunatic. Clutching his head, he dropped to the ground.

"Kou!" ejaculated Dokugakuji in dreadfulness. Yaone followed suit with her own yell of "Kougaiji-sama!"

Goku was momentarily stunned. Lirin's lips were almost glued to his cheek, which was now almost dripping wet. Her face was too close to his, and he could hear Lirin's breathing patterns, puffing on him.

"I knew Lirin has been watching x-rated midnight shows!" remarked Dokugakuji. "Yaone! Why didn't you pay attention to Lirin's television programmes?"

"I did!" claimed Yaone. "She only watches kiddie shows! They show these kinds of things too! Oh, my, Kougaiji-sama! Speak to me!"

"…he passed out."

"Can it be…? That gaki…" said Gojyo, "…is in love with that saru?"

All this while, Sanzo was silent in anger. His fists, as well as his body, shook with rampant fury. His eyes only saw red. He snatched his harisen and swiped at the she-demon. She fell—on top of Goku.

"Ah!" cried Goku, naturally terrified. He pushed Lirin off and moved away. "What was that for!?" He clasped a hand over his sodden cheek.

Sanzo was already aiming his gun at Lirin. "…korosu…" Gunfires followed next, and Lirin trying to avoid bullets that each spelled her name.

Lirin would have continued to taunt Goku, but she knew if she had stayed a tick longer, she would have bullet holes all over her, thus sealing her chance of ever making fun of that saru.

Yaone, seeing her mistress in great calamity, threw a smoke bomb in Sanzo's direction. Thick, greyish smoke enveloped the monk, obstructing both his vision and his aims, whilst the four youkais seized the golden opportunity to make their escape.

Incensed, Sanzo fired all sorts of direction. Gojyo pulled Hakkai to safety, both taking cover behind several large boulders. Miraculously, Goku remained unharmed during the pandemonium.

The fog cleared, revealing an out of breath Sanzo. He marched up to Goku and delivered a blow with his fan.

"S-Sanzo!!??" ejaculated Goku.

"Idiot!! Why did you allow that &^&%^&* gaki to kiss you!? Are you out of your mind!!!??" Sanzo berated harshly.

"She—she kissed me?" Goku gasped. His hand brushed his flaming cheek—the spot where Lirin had planted her kiss. "Ah! I have cooties!"

"IDIOT!!!"

-+-+-+-
=Goku's POV=

Upon my request Hakkai had raced Hakuryu to the nearest town, and in lightning speed we were registered in an inn. I hop into the bathtub upon entering the bathroom, painstakingly scrubbing my entire body with soap, sponge, my bare hands and Gojyo's toothbrush. No use, the itchiness is still there, poking my skin like sharp thorns. I'm appalled. Uncomfortable. Argh!

Now Sanzo would never come near me, since I'm infested by cooties. Worse, he might throw me away!

I shouldn't have charged at her. I have my nyoibo—I could have just stretched it out and stabbed her with it. You know, just like the game called—snooker, isn't it?

I don't know why, but Lirin boiled my blood when she said that Sanzo was hers. Even though she was referring to that doll, the fact that she had remodelled it to become a mini-Sanzo (except the body shape) shows that she wants to have Sanzo all to herself.

No way! As long as I'm alive, or as long as there are pork buns, there's no way am I letting her come close to Sanzo. If she does, I'll just take my diadem off and kill her. It's bad enough for her to steal my buns—now she wants Sanzo too? Is she retarded or what?

One thing bothers me though.

Sanzo didn't stop whacking me until we reached this inn. He was blaming me all the time for the "good-for-nothing perverted gaki" on the spot. He accused me that I was enjoying that "repulsively intoxicating, silly excuse for a stupid kiss". He also maintained that he would castrate me himself if he ever finds me with Lirin. Or Kougaiji. Or Homura, for that matter.

Gojyo, who was apprising him about Kougaiji being with his half-brother (whatever 'being with' means) and saying that he (Sanzo) had nothing to worry about, did not escape from the all-time powerful fan of Sanzo's. Poor Hakkai got a scolding from Sanzo too after he said that Lirin's…act was only a game to her. Sanzo asserted that Lirin does like me, and it's wrong for her to like me because we're enemies. I've never seen Sanzo so mad before, and I thank the gods for still being alive.

I have no idea whether he was mad because of that Sanzo-doll-with-a-wrong-gender, or he was mad at me for not doing anything to put an end to that—kiss. Gojyo, claiming that he's a connoisseur in kissing, had pointed out that it was a smooch, not a kiss. But since Sanzo said it was a kiss, I believe it was a kiss. Anyway, Sanzo must have presumed that I actually liked that kiss. He did not believe trust me when I contradicted his postulation.

In spite of everything, I still have feelings of guilt towards Sanzo. Sanzo was right, as always. I know the kiss was wrong in every aspect. I hate it absolutely.

I remember a few days back, I caught sight of Gojyo doing the very same thing to Hakkai. In response, Hakkai chuckled and cooed an "I love you" to the water cockroach. Call it spying if you will, but it was accidental.

According to Gojyo and Hakkai, they love each other. If kissing equals loving, does that mean by hating one I also hate another? That makes enough sense.

The itchiness has gone, for some reason, and I reach for my towel. I dry myself, tie it around my waist, and opened the door.

Sanzo is by the window. Noticing the sound I have made, he turns his neck, his purple eyes piercing straight into mine.

-+-+-+-
~Sanzo's POV~

There, standing with a look of surprise, is Goku. My eyes wander away from his confused orbs, perusing his frame. In the dim light he looks remarkably breathtaking, as the shadows rain on him. Only his golden eyes are as clear as day, both showing signs of astonishment and—fear.

We freeze in our stance for quite some time. Finally he tears his gaze away.

I never noticed before that Goku has a charming, lovely figure. Tiny, yes, yet still charming. But the most beautiful feature of all—it has to be his eyes.

The orbs that seem to be always alive with emotion. The way they dance in joy, their determination, their honesty. His actions next in the line, it is a singularity how his gaiety rarely decays.

Oblivious to my actions, he starts saying something about lunch, and how he craves for soup, noodles, and other edibles. His golden eyes hold a dreamy expression, his smile accompanying his every word.

A smile that fills the void in me—something I feel like I cannot do without. A genuine, sincere smile, very unlike Hakkai's. Something I can never achieve.

"…but I think their roasted duck smells better than their roasted chicken," Goku is saying. "Is it all right if we try both? Maybe they'll give a discount!" He lays his shirt on the bed.

All at once I lose control of myself, that soon I find myself leaning over Goku. He is on the bed; his eyes wide open, scrutinizing my face, searching for an answer to explain my unpredictable behaviour towards him. He is trapped between the soft bed and me, with no way out. My arms keep my body steady, my fingers gripping the covers.

"Sanzo…" whispers he. "What are you doing?"

Is he scared…of me?

I cannot move, not even an inch. His innocent question made me realize that what I am about to do is iniquitous, improper. To take advantage of him in his helpless state, I feel like a child abuser.

No, this cannot be love I'm subjected to. If it is, I shouldn't feel any guilt to persist, knowing that what I am doing is suitable and fair, both to me and to the saru.

"Sanzo, are you all right?"

The whisper of my name brings my attention back to my prisoner. The fear has long gone, now replaced with perplexity. I cannot blame him, for I myself am befuddled by my own actions and musings.

"Saru…" My voice is serious. "Nobody, and I do mean nobody, kisses you unless I say so." 'Where did that come from?'

Goku cringes in discomfort, having once again remembered that pest who goes by the name of Lirin and her damned pranks. Goku gives a nod at last. "I know, Sanzo, and I understand. You're my master—I shall follow your orders. I don't like her…kiss. And I won't do it again."

Lest I might not be able to refrain myself, I straighten slowly. I light a cigarette and start smoking nonchalantly. Goku sits up, and out of the corner of my eyes I gaze at him getting into his shirt. For some reason my free hand clenches.

"Sanzo…I'm really sorry." Goku approaches me. "It's my fault, it's entirely my fault. I see it now. You've the right to get angry at me."

"Baka, of course I'm angry. But you can't do anything about it anymore."

"I can try to atone for it, though. I'll never engage myself in it in the future, Sanzo. You can have my word for it."

"Hn. Whatever."

"I—I'll go now. I'm sorry for using your bathroom, Sanzo, but Gojyo and Hakkai are using the other room. They wouldn't let me in. Do you know what they are doing?"

"I don't give a damn." 'What I was about to do to you, Goku… 'Don't interfere in other people's business."

"Sanzo, I'm hungry! See, see, my stomach's making that awful racket again! Sanzo, let's go to the restaurant downstairs? I want to eat but it'll be dull if I eat alone."

He has his own way to make me forget of my resentment. "You just need me to pay for your food."

"Who said so? I want to eat with you! You can have your sake while I chomp on the roasted duck, dim sums…"

"Baka." What else is there for me to say?

"Please?" He is imploring me. He holds my hands, and I feel a tingling sensation running underneath my skin. "Let's go, Sanzo! I'm sure you're hungry too!"

I believe it is not too much to say that I had never, ever allowed someone to push me around other than Goku. I don't know why, but Hakkai had said that I have a soft spot for this saru. Rubbish.

"Come on, Sanzo! Be a sport!"

I stand up, permitting him to drag me to the door. "I'm not like you, saru."

"I'm not a saru." He laughs happily. "I said so before."

"Baka saru."

"Mou, Sanzo! You're starting to sound like Gojyo!" Goku pouts comically. "Ore wa Goku!"

"Don't ever compare me to that cockroach."

"Hai, Sanzo!" And he laughs louder.

-+-

I pour myself a glass of sake as Goku munches on a dumpling, mumbling compliments to the savoury dish.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I say simply.

"Um!" He moves on to the chicken rice.

I glance at him in ambivalence. Part of me feels a pang of culpability for having naughty and perverted ideas, for nearly harassing him without his consent. Without him knowing.

"Sanzo, you're not eating?" Goku questions. "I'll tell you which food you must try! The fried rice is good, and the roasted duck, the boiled fish—"

"You're just naming all the dishes."

"That's why you have to try them all!" Goku transfers a dumpling from his plate to my empty one. "This should be a good start." He looks at me hopefully. "Ne? I'm famished, but I saved some for you."

"You expect me to thank you?" I say sarcastically. I do not wait for his answer. I bite into it, just to humour him. It tastes fine, really. Goku excitedly begins to pile my plate with food, ignoring my reluctance.

All of a sudden it dawns on me, that what I'm feeling towards Goku is no more than lust. My conversation with Hakkai that day—yesterday, I think—confirms that my attempt on Goku was driven by lust, not love.

I was right to put an end to it all. I don't want to regard the saru as a mere object for my lust to toy around with. He is not worthy to be treated as one—too pure, too innocent.

Humans are stupid to mistake lust for love. But they are right when they say love only weakens you.

In that case, to hell with love.

-=-=-=-=-[tsuzuku]-=-=-=-=-

Hikaru: *glares at her muse*
Ru: *ignores, resumes his angst-ing*
Hikaru: You're supposed to be helping me with this fic!
Ru: *angst-ing*
Hikaru: Crap…I feel my depression coming back to me…
Ru: Good. *angst-ing*
Hikaru, Ru: *angst-ing*