Thanksgiving Madness!

To RogueFanKC: Yeah, Leathersuit's ability to have kids may be in severe danger thanks to Jenny. (Jen: *grins* I'm ready for that WWE contract now!) I hope the turkey madness is over.

To Wizard1: Glad you like the Dreadnok beatdown. And who knows where Hank and Tony got their paws on those Scottish swords. Foxfire's womanizing will end up getting him in trouble one of these days.

To torque: Wow. That's...quite a...quite a lot of...of...uh...quite a lot of rambling back there, heh heh. Well, as for the turkey mutations, it seems each turkey was given a random power. I highly doubt anyone's crazy enough to eat radioactive turkey. Well, maybe except John. (Pyro: HEY!!!!)

To Red Witch: I love Dreadnok torture!! (Dreadnoks: WHY US?!?!?!?! WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO YOU?!?!?!)

To Sparky Genocide: I sincerely doubt even the Blob could stand a kick to the groin from the She-Hulk. (Blob: *Gulps* I'm glad she don't do that often! It's horrifying enough when Bree uses that move.)

Chapter 9: Turkey Madness Ends!

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(Downtown Bayville)

While the X-Men, Misfits, and Avengers were battling the Dreadnoks and the mutant Turkeys in uptown Bayville, the people gathered in downtown Bayville to watch the local Bayville Thanksgiving Parade. The poor suckers had no idea what was going to happen to them.

"HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Sam speared into a turkey, and then suddenly collided with a pilgrim float.

"AHHHHH!!!!! HEEEEEEELP!!!!!" Three scantily-clad pilgrim chicks fell off the Mayflower. One was caught seconds before she hit the ground by a silver, blue, and light blue blur. A second was caught in mid-air by Kid Razor, and the third had her fall broken by an arrow that inflated into a big purple airbag. Hawkeye, Razor, and Quicksilver met up.

"Aw yeah! Who the man?!" They cheered, high-fiving each other. "Whoo!!!"

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!" A woman screamed. A few superpowered turkeys started smashing up the floats.

"Aw man." Hawkeye grumbled. "And we were going to get us some sweet tail!"

"I hear you, brother." Pietro sighed. "Man, times like this is when I hate being a super-hero."

"Comes with the territory, my friend." Razor smiled, putting a reassuring hand on Pietro. "Just do what I do. Do the job fast. More time for fun." Razor snickered evilly. Pietro smirked.

"Fast is what I'm all about! Let's hit it!" Pietro sped off. Hawkeye and Razor winked at the pilgrim chicks, who blew them kisses.

"I rule." Razor grinned as he took to the air. Hawkeye followed on foot.

"I seriously need a motorcycle..." Clint panted to himself as he followed the mutant speedster and mystically-powered rocker. "Seriously..."

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"Oh dear God, it was horrible." Kelly staggered down a street. Tears flew down his face, he had a limp, and his costume was in tatters. "It was horrible. So horrible." He then heard rumbling. "What the--?" He saw the Dreadnoks roll up, on their motorcycles. "Oh no." They drove straight towards him. "WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" With a CRUNCH, they ran Kelly over, flattening him like a burnt flapjack. "OWWWWWWW!!!!!" Leathersuit was riding behind Zandar, clutching himself.

"Too bad your uncle Gnawgahyde's vacationing in Australia. I'm sure he'd love to see you like this." Zandar laughed.

"I hate the She-Hulk." Leathersuit moaned. "What does she see in that nerd Wildfire? Ohhhhhh-ho-hooooooooooey. I can't feel anything below my waist."

"Man, you should know better than to anger a gamma-powered Amazon. Especially one with a crush." Zartan laughed.

"This coming from a guy bloody stupid enough to mess around with and double cross a blue shape-shifter who's been with more dudes than the cheap tricks in Santa Monica Boulevard!" Virus mocked.

"At least I've gotten some, Virus!" Zartan snapped. "At least I'm not pining after that water-logged wench!"

"DON'T YOU CALL HER THAT!!!!" Virus leapt on Zartan, and they started brawling.

"Ten bucks on Zartan!" Monkeywrench whooped.

"Will you bloody dopes KNOCK IT OFF?!?!?!" Zarana roared. "You're gonna make the bloody van tip over!!"

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"We are triumphant!!" Thor crowed happily. "Those foul turkeys thought they could slay the God of Thunder! YEAH!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!?!?" Thor pumped his hammer in the air, standing on top of a pile of fallen turkeys.

"We claim this town Bayville in the name of Scotland!" Iron Man placed a Scottish flag on the front steps of City Hall.

"I'm dreading the dinner." Storm sighed.

"Could we stay for dinner?" Jenny grinned, motioning to her fellow Avengers.

"The Kid of Rock wants food!" Razor said loudly.

"I don't think the adults will mind." Tigra smiled. "Cap, Wasp, and Hank seemed only too happy to let us visit you guys. For some reason, they wanted Tony to come with us."

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(Avengers Mansion)

Outside the mansion, one could hear the sounds of drunken revelry.

"WHOO-HOO!!! A BREAK FROM THE KIDS!!!!!!!! WE GIVE THANKS FOR THIS!!!!"

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(Xavier Institute)

"Okay, let's start cooking!" Jean squealed gleefully.

"Oh God no." Peter groaned.

"I dunno why you guys hate Jean and Kitty's cooking. Their food's pretty good." Paul shrugged as he happily chopped up some carrots. Peter shot him a disbelieving look.

"Wait a minute. I forgot for a second. You are Paul Stanley Starr. You were put here to drive us all nuts!"

"At least Paul appreciates good cooking!" Jean snapped as she held a spoonful of soup. She turned to Paul. "Starchild honey, how this soup I made?" Paul slurped up the soup.

"Yummy." Paul grinned. Peter froze in terror. How could anyone handle Jean's cooking safely? Only Longshot never suffered any ill effects, but he was from another universe. Paul was a human as any of them, but how he could handle it was anyone's guess. Trinity did have a couple theories about that, but they were very complex. Ace walked in. "Hey Wildstar! Try this soup Jean made!"

"Okay." Ace shrugged. Peter snickered.

"He's got a healing factor. So does Logan. If that stuff can make Wolverine sick, then I think it'll kill your fleabag cousin." Peter snickered to Paul. A spatula flew in the air and smacked the Russian in the face. "OW!!!" Jean gave some soup to Ace, who happily slurped it up.

"Whoa, that's some good soup!" Ace grinned. "I remember when Catseye tried to make soup once. Poor girl kept getting her ingredients mixed up. It was a complete disaster!" Ace laughed. "I was the only one who could stand that stuff."

"I see Paul's not the only one who likes good cooking." Jean grinned.

"I HATE THAT STARCHILD!!!!" Scott screamed. "AND I ALSO HATE HIS ENTIRE FAMILY!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY I HATE THE STARR FAMILY, BUT I DO!!!!!!"

"No, this is the right spice!" Roadblock snapped.

"No, this is!" Beast snapped.

"Aw no." Paul sighed. "3...2...1..." Right on Paul's count, food started flying.

"TOMATO ATTACK!!!!"

"BROCCOLI BLASTER!!!!"

"PASTA WHIP!!!"

"CORN SPEAR!!!!"

"You got these people figured out, huh cuz?" Ace grinned.

"Yup." Paul laughed. "You got that right."

Well, the turkeys are done (and basted), Duncan's in jail, Kelly's all flat, and the insanity's not over yet. What'll happen next? Find out in the next crazy chapter!