All For Them
I did it all for them.
None of them know exactly what I've done of course, but I see them looking and I hear them whispering all with distrust.
When I was a child I wanted desperately to please them. I worked to hear Harper call me his sparkly purple babe, I worked to have Dylan respect my opinion, for Beka to call me friend.
I belonged back then, even though I had to sacrifice my own self-respect to do it. Even Tyr and Rommie liked me after a fashion, and I liked being liked. I wanted to belong with them even though at the time I didn't know why, so I did everything within my power to make it so.
Now it's all changed.
Now I've grown up and they don't like it. I don't belong anymore and I'm never likely to again. It hurts, and I can't keep myself from doing the habitual pleasing that shaped my childhood. But they can see the hard edges now.
For their sake, I can't dull those edges, I've even shown them how useful I can be now. But they won't take me back. Harper looks at me like I'm going to stab him in the back at any second. I can see the others speculating as to what my hidden agenda may be.
I have no hidden agenda.
I'm simply doing what I have to do to find that one perfect future.
All for them.
FINIS
I did it all for them.
None of them know exactly what I've done of course, but I see them looking and I hear them whispering all with distrust.
When I was a child I wanted desperately to please them. I worked to hear Harper call me his sparkly purple babe, I worked to have Dylan respect my opinion, for Beka to call me friend.
I belonged back then, even though I had to sacrifice my own self-respect to do it. Even Tyr and Rommie liked me after a fashion, and I liked being liked. I wanted to belong with them even though at the time I didn't know why, so I did everything within my power to make it so.
Now it's all changed.
Now I've grown up and they don't like it. I don't belong anymore and I'm never likely to again. It hurts, and I can't keep myself from doing the habitual pleasing that shaped my childhood. But they can see the hard edges now.
For their sake, I can't dull those edges, I've even shown them how useful I can be now. But they won't take me back. Harper looks at me like I'm going to stab him in the back at any second. I can see the others speculating as to what my hidden agenda may be.
I have no hidden agenda.
I'm simply doing what I have to do to find that one perfect future.
All for them.
FINIS