Fanfic 11
Chapter 1
-----
"Keep our present course!"
KABOOMs went the massive explosions as they ripped through the spaceship! The crew of the massive S.S. ESSESS shrieked in panic as they ran about all wiggly- piggly away from the massive fire and fatal vacuums that had started spouting up all over the place because of the massive aliens attacking their massive ship. The spaceness outside was TEEMING with aliens in their spaceships, flying around the ship and firing lasers and using alien devices that shot even bigger lasers at the ship. The EXTRASLICEZOR forces were a continual threat to the human race, and were on the verge of destroying their current target: THE S.S. ESSESS.
"Sted fast, crew!" yelled the massive captain of the massive vessel while he sat in his massive chair. Captain Yhisaki "Ishmaelstrom" Matsumitosamakamichaniko, the devilishly handsome, 17-year-old male commander sat in his chair with a look of contemplation on his ship, apparently unfazed by the explosions and death- dealing forces swirling around outside in space and shooting at him. He was thinking about how he was going to explain his act of betrayal to his girlfriend/fiance. Well, one of his girlfriend/fiances, because he had about eight. He had accidentally fallen down upon Kiyiroka in the lunchroom and had the misfortune to land in a manner quite unfitting a man of his position: WITH A HAND ON ONE OF HER MANY UNMENTIONABLES. Kiyiroka totally PUNCHED HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE FOR HIS TRANSGRESSION, but not before one of his other girlfriend/fiances, Ayani, saw him and burst out into tears because she thought that Yhisaki didn't love her. Not that she should worry, because she was merely a robot assassin out to kill the president with a BOMB IN HER RIBCAGE, but lost her memory so she forgot and stopped wanting to, but then came across the ship at a ship port and stowed away and eventually fell in love with our dashing hero. Kiyiroka was just a slut who's stalking Yhisaki.
Not that that was a big fucking problem at that moment, what with all the people dying and imminent implosion and aliens attacking, but dammit, Yhisaki didn't want there to be any misunderstandings for his innocent accidents!
"Captain!!" yelled some nameless blue-haired(but still really pretty and busty) comm-reader. "Your orders! The EXTRASLICEZOR forces are still firing! Our ship's at 31% hull-integrity!"
"Dammit woman, I told you to Sted Fast!" Yhisaki snapped, shaking his fist at the woman, who cowered and bowed multiple times in response. "Follow orders and we'll get through this alive! You have to trust me!"
"Yes sir!"
As a particularly big explosion wrenched Yhisaki from his chair and threw him to the ground, he couldn't help but wonder what his third girlfriend/fiance Anistika was cooking him at the moment. Oh, how that girl liked cooking, though she was so horribly shy around him he wondered why she kept at it. Cooking was a very social project, and should be treated as such.
Yhisaki started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on him.
*****
"Coooooking is fun, cooooooking is great, if I could only cooooooking then sealed would be my fate!"
Anistika happily puttered around the kitchen happily, her long flowing robes nearly covered in flour and chocolate and ketchup as she sang her happy, though strange, song of joy and cooking. She was happy because of two things: she was cooking, and she was cooking. She really really liked cooking, despite how horribly shy she was around everyone who wasn't herself and her waffle iron. Being a normal Japanese girl of 16, she had a deep desire to get married and settle down with no more than two children and live a happy life of cooking and contentment until she died of OLD AGE and NOTHING ELSE.
"Oh, my Happy Happy Meat and Gravy Cake will make Yhisaki so happy! That will also make me happy because he likes it so much! He'll want to eat my cooking every day for the rest of his life and he'll be as happy as I will be after we're married!"
Anistika continued puttering about, putting things in bowls and mixing them and then perhaps putting them into an oven to be cooked or perhaps broiled, like her cake was doing. Doing nicely, at that. Such a meal would be fit for a king, but only if that king were Yhisaki, because he was the only thing in Anistika's small and sheltered life that gave her any compassion during cooking school, apart from her parents and brother and friends and schoolmates before she came onto the ship here. And because of that kindness, she swore that she would repay his deeds with cooking and joy! JOY I SAY! LOTS OF JOY! AND COOKING!! Only then would everything be alright and good in the world, as long as there was no fighting or people beating things up and training.
Anistika started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
"La la la la, I'm training my body to be better and stronger so I can finally defeat my True Love Yhisaki and make him fall in love with me!"
In the gym, there was a lone person standing. Well, not standing, but doing some things that involved standing for brief moments at certain times as to not lose balance and fall and trip over something and hit your head. Ritanishoto was TRAINING! Her finely-tuned muscles were PUNCHING. And KICKING! EVERYTHING! She had to get stronger! FASTER! MORE BETTER! That was the only way Yhisaki would notice her and drag her into one of the hall-closets and give his MIGHTY MEAT- POPSCICLE unto her all night long! The others vying for his attention were not worthy! All they could do was cook and clean and wear glasses and claim lineage to royalty and easily pass themselves off as grade-schoolers! But her, oh, she could do so much more! She could execute a perfectly-timed DRAGON ELBOW OF THE EIGHTEEN SEASONS OF POINTY NAPALM and totally FUCK YOU UP if you so dared challenge her! Such moves were worthless against the powerful charm of Yhisaki, but she was determined to perfect a new move that he couldn't easily duck under or walk into another room to avoid. Only then could she call herself Yhisaki's True Love!
One last hit on the punching bag, and the entire bag EXPLODED in a cloud of sawdust and styrafoam from the sheer power of 100% PURE UNFILTERED TRUE LOVE beating the holy crap out of it! She was SO almost ready to unleash a new special attack! Her Tension Gauge was just about half-full! TO THE MAX! Amidst all that, she idly wondered about the engine room for no apparent reason.
Ritanishoto started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
"Avast, toil further, you scurvy dogs!"
The engine room was in a state of panic, the same type of panic that the rest of the ship was in, although a bit more subdued. Steam was erupting from pipes everywhere, and the bulkhead had been cracked, allowing the salty see water to gush in from all sorts of places. The powerful turbine engines were in danger!
"Keep bailing that water, me mateys!" Tatako "Fred Jones" Yaikoshi was a gigantic man, his shirt been taken off minutes before as the danger levels rose to MAXIMUM PROPORTIONS. He commanded the workers under him expertly, and as well he should've, for he had thirty years experience commanding engine room workers on ships. Half of the men in the cramped quarters were hurriedly using buckets to pitch the rising water out of a nearby porthole, where the water immediately froze in the cold recesses of space and floated off. Tatako grabbed his big shovel and joined in the fight to keep the ship going. "Don't stop shoveling that coal, lads, or we'll never outrun the EXTRASLICEZORs! Shovel like the devil himself were poking your pansy bums with his hot pitchfork! ARRR!"
The ones not bailing the ship out yelled a unified yell of affirmation, and redoubled their efforts. There was a mighty heap of coal to shovel, and if it didn't get shoveled, then the mighty steam engines that powered the ship would fail, and that would mean total death to everyone! The engines whined in protest as more and more coal was fed into the gaping maw of the main intake, belching fire and brimstone as if they were in hell itself! Sweat powered down the glistening backs of the shirtless men, the grunts of the working mixing amongst each other, the taut muscles stretching and sliding about as the tanned men fought for survival, and above all, thoughts of living to be able to shovel coal for their beautiful and scrumptious leader Yhisaki kept them going when all else failed.
"WE'LL BEAT THIS DAMNED CHALLENGE YET!" was the mighty battle cry, as they began to pray that there were no freaky religious people making creepy predictions on the ship.
They all started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on them.
*****
"They're coming."
In the darkness of one of the living quarters, a small ring of flame appeared. The light flickered and waved, casting light upon a single female face that was wide- eyed with fright. She knew that the EXTRASLICEZOR forces would attack them soon, and wouldn't take long in doing so. Maishinori was a Priestess of the Ryoaniskantolinaruto, destined to be a sacrifice for her god, MyuuPyuuRyuu-sama, and fulfill the prophecy of the Only Heaven of Light. Part of her role was to find The One Of Guide, a man who would make sure that she would not stray from the destined path she had been placed upon and see to it that no harm would befall her while she fulfilled her duty and saved the galaxy from the anti-good demon ANKAERNHBIEIASNIAFNAGHN, who threatened to DEVOUR the universe! And the galaxy. She had partially fulfilled her part, though, in finding what she thought was The One Of Guide: Yhisaki, the talented and wonderful man who she had fallen in love with so long ago. She had begun to question her god, and was torn with turmoil and grief over her waning faith. Not wanting to live with the shame of straying from her destiny, she attempted to throw herself off a cliff into a rocky cliff below back on her home planet of FJORD, but Yhisaki had been there and saved her from her suicidic attempt, slapped her, then walked off without another word. Shocked at his courageous display, she again found her god within her, and proclaimed herself to always be by The One Of Guide until her time to leave the mortal plane had come.
"I have to warn the others of the attack before they attack!"
Maishinori started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
Captain Yhisaki "Ishmaelstrom" Matsumitosamakamichaniko sat triumphantly in his command chair, his hair waving slightly in the wind and his sparkling blue eyes shining greatly. He folded his arms and sat up with a triumphant smile on his face, his clean pressed military suit still exuding the dry-cleaner clean smell. His triumphant right eyebrow raised slightly in happiness as he laughed out loud.
"You've done it, Captain!" the same nameless comm-reader proclaimed happily. "The ship's back up to 100% and all the enemy forces have been destroyed! Your foolproof plan worked! I'm sorry for ever doubting it!"
"Think nothing of it, woman," Yhisaki tut-tutted, standing up and clapping his hands together. "Nothing can stop this ship when I'm in charge! Now, let's get this party started! Full-speed ahead, warp-factor E!"
"Yes sir!"
And with that, the mighty ship went forward, towards places and adventures unknown!
THE END!
Chapter 1
-----
"Keep our present course!"
KABOOMs went the massive explosions as they ripped through the spaceship! The crew of the massive S.S. ESSESS shrieked in panic as they ran about all wiggly- piggly away from the massive fire and fatal vacuums that had started spouting up all over the place because of the massive aliens attacking their massive ship. The spaceness outside was TEEMING with aliens in their spaceships, flying around the ship and firing lasers and using alien devices that shot even bigger lasers at the ship. The EXTRASLICEZOR forces were a continual threat to the human race, and were on the verge of destroying their current target: THE S.S. ESSESS.
"Sted fast, crew!" yelled the massive captain of the massive vessel while he sat in his massive chair. Captain Yhisaki "Ishmaelstrom" Matsumitosamakamichaniko, the devilishly handsome, 17-year-old male commander sat in his chair with a look of contemplation on his ship, apparently unfazed by the explosions and death- dealing forces swirling around outside in space and shooting at him. He was thinking about how he was going to explain his act of betrayal to his girlfriend/fiance. Well, one of his girlfriend/fiances, because he had about eight. He had accidentally fallen down upon Kiyiroka in the lunchroom and had the misfortune to land in a manner quite unfitting a man of his position: WITH A HAND ON ONE OF HER MANY UNMENTIONABLES. Kiyiroka totally PUNCHED HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE FOR HIS TRANSGRESSION, but not before one of his other girlfriend/fiances, Ayani, saw him and burst out into tears because she thought that Yhisaki didn't love her. Not that she should worry, because she was merely a robot assassin out to kill the president with a BOMB IN HER RIBCAGE, but lost her memory so she forgot and stopped wanting to, but then came across the ship at a ship port and stowed away and eventually fell in love with our dashing hero. Kiyiroka was just a slut who's stalking Yhisaki.
Not that that was a big fucking problem at that moment, what with all the people dying and imminent implosion and aliens attacking, but dammit, Yhisaki didn't want there to be any misunderstandings for his innocent accidents!
"Captain!!" yelled some nameless blue-haired(but still really pretty and busty) comm-reader. "Your orders! The EXTRASLICEZOR forces are still firing! Our ship's at 31% hull-integrity!"
"Dammit woman, I told you to Sted Fast!" Yhisaki snapped, shaking his fist at the woman, who cowered and bowed multiple times in response. "Follow orders and we'll get through this alive! You have to trust me!"
"Yes sir!"
As a particularly big explosion wrenched Yhisaki from his chair and threw him to the ground, he couldn't help but wonder what his third girlfriend/fiance Anistika was cooking him at the moment. Oh, how that girl liked cooking, though she was so horribly shy around him he wondered why she kept at it. Cooking was a very social project, and should be treated as such.
Yhisaki started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on him.
*****
"Coooooking is fun, cooooooking is great, if I could only cooooooking then sealed would be my fate!"
Anistika happily puttered around the kitchen happily, her long flowing robes nearly covered in flour and chocolate and ketchup as she sang her happy, though strange, song of joy and cooking. She was happy because of two things: she was cooking, and she was cooking. She really really liked cooking, despite how horribly shy she was around everyone who wasn't herself and her waffle iron. Being a normal Japanese girl of 16, she had a deep desire to get married and settle down with no more than two children and live a happy life of cooking and contentment until she died of OLD AGE and NOTHING ELSE.
"Oh, my Happy Happy Meat and Gravy Cake will make Yhisaki so happy! That will also make me happy because he likes it so much! He'll want to eat my cooking every day for the rest of his life and he'll be as happy as I will be after we're married!"
Anistika continued puttering about, putting things in bowls and mixing them and then perhaps putting them into an oven to be cooked or perhaps broiled, like her cake was doing. Doing nicely, at that. Such a meal would be fit for a king, but only if that king were Yhisaki, because he was the only thing in Anistika's small and sheltered life that gave her any compassion during cooking school, apart from her parents and brother and friends and schoolmates before she came onto the ship here. And because of that kindness, she swore that she would repay his deeds with cooking and joy! JOY I SAY! LOTS OF JOY! AND COOKING!! Only then would everything be alright and good in the world, as long as there was no fighting or people beating things up and training.
Anistika started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
"La la la la, I'm training my body to be better and stronger so I can finally defeat my True Love Yhisaki and make him fall in love with me!"
In the gym, there was a lone person standing. Well, not standing, but doing some things that involved standing for brief moments at certain times as to not lose balance and fall and trip over something and hit your head. Ritanishoto was TRAINING! Her finely-tuned muscles were PUNCHING. And KICKING! EVERYTHING! She had to get stronger! FASTER! MORE BETTER! That was the only way Yhisaki would notice her and drag her into one of the hall-closets and give his MIGHTY MEAT- POPSCICLE unto her all night long! The others vying for his attention were not worthy! All they could do was cook and clean and wear glasses and claim lineage to royalty and easily pass themselves off as grade-schoolers! But her, oh, she could do so much more! She could execute a perfectly-timed DRAGON ELBOW OF THE EIGHTEEN SEASONS OF POINTY NAPALM and totally FUCK YOU UP if you so dared challenge her! Such moves were worthless against the powerful charm of Yhisaki, but she was determined to perfect a new move that he couldn't easily duck under or walk into another room to avoid. Only then could she call herself Yhisaki's True Love!
One last hit on the punching bag, and the entire bag EXPLODED in a cloud of sawdust and styrafoam from the sheer power of 100% PURE UNFILTERED TRUE LOVE beating the holy crap out of it! She was SO almost ready to unleash a new special attack! Her Tension Gauge was just about half-full! TO THE MAX! Amidst all that, she idly wondered about the engine room for no apparent reason.
Ritanishoto started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
"Avast, toil further, you scurvy dogs!"
The engine room was in a state of panic, the same type of panic that the rest of the ship was in, although a bit more subdued. Steam was erupting from pipes everywhere, and the bulkhead had been cracked, allowing the salty see water to gush in from all sorts of places. The powerful turbine engines were in danger!
"Keep bailing that water, me mateys!" Tatako "Fred Jones" Yaikoshi was a gigantic man, his shirt been taken off minutes before as the danger levels rose to MAXIMUM PROPORTIONS. He commanded the workers under him expertly, and as well he should've, for he had thirty years experience commanding engine room workers on ships. Half of the men in the cramped quarters were hurriedly using buckets to pitch the rising water out of a nearby porthole, where the water immediately froze in the cold recesses of space and floated off. Tatako grabbed his big shovel and joined in the fight to keep the ship going. "Don't stop shoveling that coal, lads, or we'll never outrun the EXTRASLICEZORs! Shovel like the devil himself were poking your pansy bums with his hot pitchfork! ARRR!"
The ones not bailing the ship out yelled a unified yell of affirmation, and redoubled their efforts. There was a mighty heap of coal to shovel, and if it didn't get shoveled, then the mighty steam engines that powered the ship would fail, and that would mean total death to everyone! The engines whined in protest as more and more coal was fed into the gaping maw of the main intake, belching fire and brimstone as if they were in hell itself! Sweat powered down the glistening backs of the shirtless men, the grunts of the working mixing amongst each other, the taut muscles stretching and sliding about as the tanned men fought for survival, and above all, thoughts of living to be able to shovel coal for their beautiful and scrumptious leader Yhisaki kept them going when all else failed.
"WE'LL BEAT THIS DAMNED CHALLENGE YET!" was the mighty battle cry, as they began to pray that there were no freaky religious people making creepy predictions on the ship.
They all started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on them.
*****
"They're coming."
In the darkness of one of the living quarters, a small ring of flame appeared. The light flickered and waved, casting light upon a single female face that was wide- eyed with fright. She knew that the EXTRASLICEZOR forces would attack them soon, and wouldn't take long in doing so. Maishinori was a Priestess of the Ryoaniskantolinaruto, destined to be a sacrifice for her god, MyuuPyuuRyuu-sama, and fulfill the prophecy of the Only Heaven of Light. Part of her role was to find The One Of Guide, a man who would make sure that she would not stray from the destined path she had been placed upon and see to it that no harm would befall her while she fulfilled her duty and saved the galaxy from the anti-good demon ANKAERNHBIEIASNIAFNAGHN, who threatened to DEVOUR the universe! And the galaxy. She had partially fulfilled her part, though, in finding what she thought was The One Of Guide: Yhisaki, the talented and wonderful man who she had fallen in love with so long ago. She had begun to question her god, and was torn with turmoil and grief over her waning faith. Not wanting to live with the shame of straying from her destiny, she attempted to throw herself off a cliff into a rocky cliff below back on her home planet of FJORD, but Yhisaki had been there and saved her from her suicidic attempt, slapped her, then walked off without another word. Shocked at his courageous display, she again found her god within her, and proclaimed herself to always be by The One Of Guide until her time to leave the mortal plane had come.
"I have to warn the others of the attack before they attack!"
Maishinori started to laugh maniacally, but then the ship shuddered under it's own collapsing weight and a bunch of ceiling fell on her.
*****
Captain Yhisaki "Ishmaelstrom" Matsumitosamakamichaniko sat triumphantly in his command chair, his hair waving slightly in the wind and his sparkling blue eyes shining greatly. He folded his arms and sat up with a triumphant smile on his face, his clean pressed military suit still exuding the dry-cleaner clean smell. His triumphant right eyebrow raised slightly in happiness as he laughed out loud.
"You've done it, Captain!" the same nameless comm-reader proclaimed happily. "The ship's back up to 100% and all the enemy forces have been destroyed! Your foolproof plan worked! I'm sorry for ever doubting it!"
"Think nothing of it, woman," Yhisaki tut-tutted, standing up and clapping his hands together. "Nothing can stop this ship when I'm in charge! Now, let's get this party started! Full-speed ahead, warp-factor E!"
"Yes sir!"
And with that, the mighty ship went forward, towards places and adventures unknown!
THE END!