Fanfic 11
Chapter 2
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KA-CHING!
The two swords caromed off each other with a flash of light and a KA-CHING of sound effect. It had been a furious battle in the rice paddy, a battle that had lasted for several hours now. The sun overhead lazily let it's light down upon the field, glinting off of the metal armbands of the taller combatant, and not glinting off the non-armbands of the other.
"Your death is inevitable, Kenshoryuken!" The one with the spiky black hair, a beret, and a sword bigger than his body said, heaving his breaths of air in and out like some sort of hot dog. The animal, I mean, hahahaha! You silly person.
"Never! It is YOU who will die this day, Francois!" The remarkably bishounen samurai replied, rubbing his free hand across the totally fucking badass scar that went across his face at a weird angle. He hefted his non-edge katana up and pointed it at his French opponent, giving him a scary-ass glare to go along with it for emphasis.
"Wrong, you puny schnip!" Francois was pissed off at the comment, the hotheaded ronin Frenchman he was. He took insults like that personally. Asshole.
"Wrong... FOR YOU!" Kenshoryuken leapt forward, his sandaled feet splashing through the water of the vegetable farm at a speed only thought possible by people who were... THAT WAY.
"Yes, come for me, Person-Killer! Your death is inevitable!!" Francois laughed, trying desperately to lift his frikking big sword from the ground, which was pretty hard because it was so FRIKKING BIG. Who carries something like that, anyway? Jesus.
"Stupid, you just said that! RIGHT SPEED FRAME ALLOW!"
WHAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMTCHIKTCHINGBLARGH!!
Kenshoryuken was now standing behind his opponent, his sword mysteriously sheathed in it's sheath. Francois gargled, and fell to his knees. OH SHIT HE GOT CUT. A big gash was in Francois' side, and blood was spurting from the wound like a high-pressure hose! Man, did that kick hardcore butt.
"Your sword... but.." Francois doubled over, hands pressed against his wound in a vain attempt to stem the flow of blood, even though he knew his efforts would be for naught.
"My sword cuts without edge, for it can sense my inner feelings and bend my will to it's form. Your side was cut even before I took my first step."
"Fucker!"
And with that, the mighty French warrior, the master of the Getting Cut Up style of swordsmanship, coughed, spasmed, and died. Kenshoryuken unsheathed his sword, and placed the tip into the ground, closing his eyes in prayer for his fallen and totally worthy adversary that still got his ass taken.
"You think you shall continue living, oh Person-Killer?"
Kenshoryuken whirled around, his sheathed sword flinging upward to deflect a barrage of thirty-eight acid-etched poison-laced electric-powered ninja- stars. The projectiles all flew in different directions, with a good percentage of them all stabbing into Francois' dead corpse, which was kind of adding insult to injury, or death in this case. Not that he minded, being a dead corpse and all.
"Who is there? Show yourself, coward!" Kenshoryuken was on Full Red Alert at this point. No one attacked him like that without saying their name, so he knew he could weasel the info out of him with a challenge like that.
"I am right here in front of you, Person-Killer." The air above the ground shifted and warped, and a flash of smoke and puff of light exploded, with a tall man dressed in black in it's wake. "Your time is up, for you now face The Master MASTER, Master of all Masters, Master von Master."
"What?!!1/13" yelled Kenshoryuken, taking a step back. He didn't have to yell that, because only the dreaded person called Master wielded weapons like that, and only he threw them at him, too. It was a rhetorical question/statement in many respects, because he had heard Master the first time anyway, and even if he hadn't, he knew who he was. Everyone knew of Master von Master, though only THREE people had ever seen him and lived to tell the tale. One of them had been Francois, who was rumored to be Master's... uh... "cousin".
"I have come to kill you, Person-Killer. You have killed far too many persons in your past, regardless of how you try to live your life this day!"
"But you yourself have killed many persons in YOUR past, Master von Master! You should try to kill yourself first!" Kenshoryuken didn't expect the trick to work, but it never hurts to try.
"NO, you little punk."
Dammit. He saw through the ruse. Kenshoryuken started sweating, and he nervously wiped his hands upon his torn and bloodied hakama. He needed a plan. A plan to DESTROY Master von Master, preferably without getting killed or dying or taking something pointy or sharp full in the face. Cause that would suck. BAD.
"But still, tell me why you choose to take my life, when you have never seen fit to do so previously?" If he had to fight, he needed to know why. He hated fighting. If only he could retire to some village and become a carpenter or a painter like he had always wanted, living a life without death and destruction and the Way Of The Sword and having to lose girlfriends when they threw themselves in front of some enemies' sword when he would've dodged out of the way or blocked it. That part especially pissed him off.
"Because you are the last remaining survivor of the School of Hard Sword. Your complete mastery of the fighting style thought lost to the sands of time is beyond comprehension." Master scowled as he talked, regarding Kenshoryuken with contempt usually kept for some lowly worm in the ground, or Francois, because he was such a puss.
"But that is not true!" Kenshoryuken argued, his eyes widening. "The one who taught me Hard Sword lives still!"
"WRONG. I killed him myself!" Master von Master laughed long and loud, his toothy grin mocking the look of disbelief on the young samurai's face as he heard the words. "Your master is deader than Francois there!"
"OHGOD THE PAIN" Francois' voice emanated up from the body that was now starting to move and splash around like a fish.
"..." Kenshoryuken blinked.
"..." Master von Master's mouth fell open.
"GRAHArNEKK im choking on my blood get a doctor" Francois spurted, trying to stand up.
Master von Master threw about twenty more pointy metal projectiles into the form of Francois, who yelled in pain one last time and then went still, falling back down into the water with a splash.
"There. Deader than that."
Kenshoryuken was grinding his teeth together. Impossible! Ramen-sensei couldn't have been killed! He was thought to be invincible in battle! He once held off one-hundred and forty-two Elite Guards of the ruler of Japan. WITH A FUCKING PIECE OF STRAW! No one could kill him! Not even El Nino! "I don't believe you, von Master! My sensei is far too powerful to even be killed by your evil and not-as-powerful techniques!"
"Yeah? Then how about this?" Master von Master's hand flew forward, and a shiny object spun through the air, almost in slow motion.
It... no... it couldn't be. Kenshoryuken reached out slowly, grasping the flickering thingy as it came into his hand. Slowly, ever slow slowly, like in 1/8th normal slow-mo, the young fighter looked down at the object. A little bracelet rested in his palm, a bracelet adorned with little metal unicorns and hearts and rainbows and cherubs. It was Ramen-sensei's favorite piece of jewelry. No... NO.... NOOOOOOOO~~
"RAAAARGH!" yelled Kenshoryuken with a bellow, his eyes closed tightly in pain. "How could you?! You bastard! You killed my master!"
"YES! I DID! AHAHAHA!" Master von Master was enjoying the hurt on the inside of the pink-haired swordsman, he relished in it, he drank it like a fine Chianti! It made him so happy to know that his actions caused such a painful reaction to the one known as Person-Killer.
"I... I won't..." Kenshoryuken was crying, both on the outside through his tear ducts and on the inside where he heart was. He was without a master now, his honor had been destroyed. "I won't let you get away with this!"
"Oh? And what will you do now? Fight me? You can't! I am more powerful than you could ever imagine! Your blood will fly through the air like Francois' corpse here!" With that, Master kicked the unmoving body of the fallen Frenchman and sent it into a nearby tree.
"FUCKHURT" came a yell from the flying body, but it stopped again after the tree impact.
"I WILL AVENGE MY MASTER, AND BRING HONOR BACK TO MY FAMILY NAME!!" Kenshoryuken screamed, his gi-shirt totally ripping off his finely-toned torso from the sheer force of his muscles flexing. His sword sheath was off in a flash, and his famed non-edge sword was out, catching the light from the noon-day sun and giving off that wicked gleam that scares the crap out of people when they see it.
"Yes! Let your anger take you! Give me the challenge I haven't yet been here to see or face! Come and attack me, so I can finally see the power of the legendary Person-Killer!"
PA-KOW!
Kenshoryuken slammed into Master within a fourth of a second, his mighty sword resounding off of the shimmering fist of the blocker. A half-second later, a splash of water resounded behind Kenshoryuken, finally reacting to the HYPER TENSION MOTIONING that the Hard Sword master had used to go that fast in an instant.
"Interesting!" said Master, his fist straining to keep the sword from progressing further. The eyes of the two combatants were locked, each pair of white irised globular optical receptors staring directly into the other, sending little imaginary daggers into the other in hopes of making the other blink. "Your skill is large, Person-Killer, but your resolve is lacking! You are holding back!"
Then a real life non-imaginary dagger appeared in Master's other hand, and was thrust right at Kenshoryuken in a dastardly underhanded move called Forward Stab With Dagger In Plain Sight! The air blurred with movement as both fighters moved, and the dagger met with nothing but air. Another splash, and Kenshoryuken landed ten feet away from Master, his sword in one hand, and a freshly made tiny little cut appearing across the non-scar part of his face, like his forehead.
"Your skill is large as well, Master von Master. I shall have to release my restraints and allow myself to revert back into my old self, the REAL Person-Killer!"
"What?! You have more power to gain! Incredible! Let it come!"
"ShhooooooooooooooooRAH!" Kenshoryuken said, holding his sword in both hands and stabbing it into the ground. A mighty clap of thunder resounded above their heads in the cloudless sky, which should really mess with your head if you think about it. So don't.
"You..." Master took a step back as he looked at the person in front of him. No longer did Kenshoryuken stand there. It was now THE PERSON-KILLER, [NAME- WITHHELD]. Eyes of crimson burned within the skull of the swordsman, and a slight scowl crossed the face. "You truly are the Person-Killer! This shall be a battle of forever!"
"Your time is up, von Master." No rage marred the voice, only the steel- tempered intensity of a man pushed over the edge of madness.
"You cocky fool, even with your new power, you will still fall to my attacks!"
"Let's see."
"VERY WELL! KAWAI... GENKI..." Master began chanting, his stance taking that of a football-hiker, with a dagger between his legs instead of a football and no one behind him with their hands on his butt. "SUGOOOOOOOOOOOOI!!!"
The sky turned red as Master leapt forward, his blade extended. Wind came up in gales and the water around them all rose up like a gigantic force commanded them to do so.
WA-TAK!
Kenshoryuken calmly looked into the disbelieving eyes of Master von Master. The Person-Killer had blocked the attack. The water came down again, sliced in two by the attack and falling in separate halves. "Now it is my turn. WHOOOOOOOO!"
SHU-FUCKING-PANG!
It was now Master von Master who looked into the disbelieving eyes of the Person-Killer. OMG HE HAD ALSO BLOCKED THE ATTACK. Trees around them for a half- mile EXPLODED from the sheer force that had been expelled from the blocking of the attack that had been blocked.
"..." said Kenshoryuken, a drop of sweat trailing down his forehead.
"..." replied Master, a drop of sweat ALSO trailing down his forehead.
"god make it stop" torted Francois' mangled and burnt body laying ten feet away from the two.
"IT IS TIME FOR THE FINAL BATTLE," growled Master.
"YES, IT IS," Kenshoryuken agreed.
The sky then TURNED TOTALLY BLACK, and raging storm clouds started raining rainy rain down upon the two fighters, soaking them through and through and letting the water drip off their awesomely hawt hair in that special way that everyone likes.
"ULTRA FIGHTING MANUEVER!" yelled Master, moving so fast that he broke eighteen state speed records, including one in Yugoslavia and two in New Jersey.
BLAMMO! Blocked.
"MASSIVE BLUNT HITTY!" yelled Kenshoryuken, swinging so hard that the force went back 35 years into the past before Master was even born and made Master's dad yell "SONUVABITCH OW MY KIDNEY!" and fall over.
ZWAMPUSCH! Dodged.
"RISING FORCE APPLY!"
"PHOENIX ARC SLASH!"
"BETTER ULTRA FIGHTING MANUEVER!"
"HARDER MASSIVE BLUNT HITTY!"
"RAGING APOCALYPSE!"
"ANGLE STRIKE!"
The ground shook, the air roared, the wind howled, the rain splattered, the entire place was in a big fat uproar as the two fighters exchanged special attacks, flipping out and busting zwees and gleaming the cube and generally going all over. the forest clearing in an attempt to kill each other as hard as they possibly could. The battle continued on like that, with bursts of fire erupting from Kenshoryuken's arms, and multiple shadow-copies of Master jumping all over the place, and flashes of light and cracks of sound and whiffs of smell and explosions of taste just dominating the field. Anyone watching would have their puny minds BLOWN just from the sight of it.
"letmedie" Francois pleaded desperately as he lay on the ground, right before a big swath of lighting from a stray attack slammed into him and electrocuted him to a golden brown crisp with lemon.
Ten minutes later, the two fighters had stopped. The area for ten kilometers around was totally BARREN, the mighty powers of swordplay and fighting spirit and personal pride and honor and ULTIMATE FINAL ATTACKS having ripped the very foliage and landmarks from their place and sending them far, far away. They were at an impasse. They had fought so hard, so long, so fast, and yet neither of them could hit the other.
"Your moves... are strong..." huffed Kenshoryuken, leaning a bit on his sword so he wouldn't fall over from lack of energy.
"As... are yours.." puffed Master, hunched over a bit so he wouldn't tip over from inability to move his legs.
Kenshoryuken was worried. He had to end this fight, lest he be struck down in a moment of weakness. There had to be some way past his defenses. He had always been able to come up with a way to overcome a challenge that he had thought to be undefeatable. But how could he defeat Master? Kenshoryuken's brain thought and thought, his eyes never leaving the gaze of Master, for fear that if he blinked, Master would rise up and kill him with one quick motion. One quick motion...
Kenshoryuken didn't blink, even though the realization he had just got warranted one. The solution. He had figured it out. Why it had taken this long to realize what he had to do was a mystery. A man with no apparent weaknesses, and Kenshoryuken had neglected to think of the simple solution when it was as plain as the day he was currently occupying.
"You, Master..." the handsome samurai said breathlessly, standing up to his full height and hefting his sword once again.
"Are you ready now, to die?" Master growled, also standing up, looking a bit refreshed from his slight rest.
"No. But you had better be, for I now know what I must do to defeat you."
"Then do what you think will work, and when you've failed, I will kill you with my next blow."
Kenshoryuken steadied his stance, gripping his unique non-edge sword with both hands and closing his eyes. He had to do this correctly, or he would fail. And failure was not an option.
"RAAAAAR!" Master yelled, rushing towards Kenshoryuken at a speed thought unattainable by mortal men, blur lines and everything streaming off him as he ran towards his opponent.
SCHIK.
There they stood, backs facing each other, the mighty runpast attacks executed and in the final frame of animation. A gust of wind blew slowly across the battlefield as no one moved, not even an inch.
"You.." Master coughed, then coughed blood, then coughed some more blood, then fell to his knees and coughed even more blood. Master's own dagger was sticking into his chest, eerie red viscera lifeblood oozing out from the wound and down his black shirt and stomach. "But.. how... how did you defeat me?"
"It was simple, Master von Master." Kenshoryuken turned around, his sword already sheathed in it's sheath. "I realized that the only way that I would be able to overcome your speed... was to go faster than you were going. So I did."
GURGLEGURGLE. Master coughed a bunch of more blood, and then fell over, completely dead.
"I live..." Kenshoryuken mused, tears squeezing out from his tightly-closed eyelids. "But for what? To kill again? Is my life worth it? Should I be allowed to live, only to take the life of another? Is it right for me to do that? I do not know..."
And with that, the fearless long-haired badass swordguy started walking, his feet dragging across the ground with each step, his soul heavy with the weight of his moral conscience crushing down upon his heart. Another day to live, another day to die... neither choice sounded thrilling to the wandering master of Hard Sword. So he walked into the distance, into the sunset on the horizon, and awaited night, so he could sleep a fitful sleep, and try to forget the day.
"pain bad" blurbed Francois' smoking corpse, which then rolled into a pool of acid and melted.
THE END!
Chapter 2
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KA-CHING!
The two swords caromed off each other with a flash of light and a KA-CHING of sound effect. It had been a furious battle in the rice paddy, a battle that had lasted for several hours now. The sun overhead lazily let it's light down upon the field, glinting off of the metal armbands of the taller combatant, and not glinting off the non-armbands of the other.
"Your death is inevitable, Kenshoryuken!" The one with the spiky black hair, a beret, and a sword bigger than his body said, heaving his breaths of air in and out like some sort of hot dog. The animal, I mean, hahahaha! You silly person.
"Never! It is YOU who will die this day, Francois!" The remarkably bishounen samurai replied, rubbing his free hand across the totally fucking badass scar that went across his face at a weird angle. He hefted his non-edge katana up and pointed it at his French opponent, giving him a scary-ass glare to go along with it for emphasis.
"Wrong, you puny schnip!" Francois was pissed off at the comment, the hotheaded ronin Frenchman he was. He took insults like that personally. Asshole.
"Wrong... FOR YOU!" Kenshoryuken leapt forward, his sandaled feet splashing through the water of the vegetable farm at a speed only thought possible by people who were... THAT WAY.
"Yes, come for me, Person-Killer! Your death is inevitable!!" Francois laughed, trying desperately to lift his frikking big sword from the ground, which was pretty hard because it was so FRIKKING BIG. Who carries something like that, anyway? Jesus.
"Stupid, you just said that! RIGHT SPEED FRAME ALLOW!"
WHAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMTCHIKTCHINGBLARGH!!
Kenshoryuken was now standing behind his opponent, his sword mysteriously sheathed in it's sheath. Francois gargled, and fell to his knees. OH SHIT HE GOT CUT. A big gash was in Francois' side, and blood was spurting from the wound like a high-pressure hose! Man, did that kick hardcore butt.
"Your sword... but.." Francois doubled over, hands pressed against his wound in a vain attempt to stem the flow of blood, even though he knew his efforts would be for naught.
"My sword cuts without edge, for it can sense my inner feelings and bend my will to it's form. Your side was cut even before I took my first step."
"Fucker!"
And with that, the mighty French warrior, the master of the Getting Cut Up style of swordsmanship, coughed, spasmed, and died. Kenshoryuken unsheathed his sword, and placed the tip into the ground, closing his eyes in prayer for his fallen and totally worthy adversary that still got his ass taken.
"You think you shall continue living, oh Person-Killer?"
Kenshoryuken whirled around, his sheathed sword flinging upward to deflect a barrage of thirty-eight acid-etched poison-laced electric-powered ninja- stars. The projectiles all flew in different directions, with a good percentage of them all stabbing into Francois' dead corpse, which was kind of adding insult to injury, or death in this case. Not that he minded, being a dead corpse and all.
"Who is there? Show yourself, coward!" Kenshoryuken was on Full Red Alert at this point. No one attacked him like that without saying their name, so he knew he could weasel the info out of him with a challenge like that.
"I am right here in front of you, Person-Killer." The air above the ground shifted and warped, and a flash of smoke and puff of light exploded, with a tall man dressed in black in it's wake. "Your time is up, for you now face The Master MASTER, Master of all Masters, Master von Master."
"What?!!1/13" yelled Kenshoryuken, taking a step back. He didn't have to yell that, because only the dreaded person called Master wielded weapons like that, and only he threw them at him, too. It was a rhetorical question/statement in many respects, because he had heard Master the first time anyway, and even if he hadn't, he knew who he was. Everyone knew of Master von Master, though only THREE people had ever seen him and lived to tell the tale. One of them had been Francois, who was rumored to be Master's... uh... "cousin".
"I have come to kill you, Person-Killer. You have killed far too many persons in your past, regardless of how you try to live your life this day!"
"But you yourself have killed many persons in YOUR past, Master von Master! You should try to kill yourself first!" Kenshoryuken didn't expect the trick to work, but it never hurts to try.
"NO, you little punk."
Dammit. He saw through the ruse. Kenshoryuken started sweating, and he nervously wiped his hands upon his torn and bloodied hakama. He needed a plan. A plan to DESTROY Master von Master, preferably without getting killed or dying or taking something pointy or sharp full in the face. Cause that would suck. BAD.
"But still, tell me why you choose to take my life, when you have never seen fit to do so previously?" If he had to fight, he needed to know why. He hated fighting. If only he could retire to some village and become a carpenter or a painter like he had always wanted, living a life without death and destruction and the Way Of The Sword and having to lose girlfriends when they threw themselves in front of some enemies' sword when he would've dodged out of the way or blocked it. That part especially pissed him off.
"Because you are the last remaining survivor of the School of Hard Sword. Your complete mastery of the fighting style thought lost to the sands of time is beyond comprehension." Master scowled as he talked, regarding Kenshoryuken with contempt usually kept for some lowly worm in the ground, or Francois, because he was such a puss.
"But that is not true!" Kenshoryuken argued, his eyes widening. "The one who taught me Hard Sword lives still!"
"WRONG. I killed him myself!" Master von Master laughed long and loud, his toothy grin mocking the look of disbelief on the young samurai's face as he heard the words. "Your master is deader than Francois there!"
"OHGOD THE PAIN" Francois' voice emanated up from the body that was now starting to move and splash around like a fish.
"..." Kenshoryuken blinked.
"..." Master von Master's mouth fell open.
"GRAHArNEKK im choking on my blood get a doctor" Francois spurted, trying to stand up.
Master von Master threw about twenty more pointy metal projectiles into the form of Francois, who yelled in pain one last time and then went still, falling back down into the water with a splash.
"There. Deader than that."
Kenshoryuken was grinding his teeth together. Impossible! Ramen-sensei couldn't have been killed! He was thought to be invincible in battle! He once held off one-hundred and forty-two Elite Guards of the ruler of Japan. WITH A FUCKING PIECE OF STRAW! No one could kill him! Not even El Nino! "I don't believe you, von Master! My sensei is far too powerful to even be killed by your evil and not-as-powerful techniques!"
"Yeah? Then how about this?" Master von Master's hand flew forward, and a shiny object spun through the air, almost in slow motion.
It... no... it couldn't be. Kenshoryuken reached out slowly, grasping the flickering thingy as it came into his hand. Slowly, ever slow slowly, like in 1/8th normal slow-mo, the young fighter looked down at the object. A little bracelet rested in his palm, a bracelet adorned with little metal unicorns and hearts and rainbows and cherubs. It was Ramen-sensei's favorite piece of jewelry. No... NO.... NOOOOOOOO~~
"RAAAARGH!" yelled Kenshoryuken with a bellow, his eyes closed tightly in pain. "How could you?! You bastard! You killed my master!"
"YES! I DID! AHAHAHA!" Master von Master was enjoying the hurt on the inside of the pink-haired swordsman, he relished in it, he drank it like a fine Chianti! It made him so happy to know that his actions caused such a painful reaction to the one known as Person-Killer.
"I... I won't..." Kenshoryuken was crying, both on the outside through his tear ducts and on the inside where he heart was. He was without a master now, his honor had been destroyed. "I won't let you get away with this!"
"Oh? And what will you do now? Fight me? You can't! I am more powerful than you could ever imagine! Your blood will fly through the air like Francois' corpse here!" With that, Master kicked the unmoving body of the fallen Frenchman and sent it into a nearby tree.
"FUCKHURT" came a yell from the flying body, but it stopped again after the tree impact.
"I WILL AVENGE MY MASTER, AND BRING HONOR BACK TO MY FAMILY NAME!!" Kenshoryuken screamed, his gi-shirt totally ripping off his finely-toned torso from the sheer force of his muscles flexing. His sword sheath was off in a flash, and his famed non-edge sword was out, catching the light from the noon-day sun and giving off that wicked gleam that scares the crap out of people when they see it.
"Yes! Let your anger take you! Give me the challenge I haven't yet been here to see or face! Come and attack me, so I can finally see the power of the legendary Person-Killer!"
PA-KOW!
Kenshoryuken slammed into Master within a fourth of a second, his mighty sword resounding off of the shimmering fist of the blocker. A half-second later, a splash of water resounded behind Kenshoryuken, finally reacting to the HYPER TENSION MOTIONING that the Hard Sword master had used to go that fast in an instant.
"Interesting!" said Master, his fist straining to keep the sword from progressing further. The eyes of the two combatants were locked, each pair of white irised globular optical receptors staring directly into the other, sending little imaginary daggers into the other in hopes of making the other blink. "Your skill is large, Person-Killer, but your resolve is lacking! You are holding back!"
Then a real life non-imaginary dagger appeared in Master's other hand, and was thrust right at Kenshoryuken in a dastardly underhanded move called Forward Stab With Dagger In Plain Sight! The air blurred with movement as both fighters moved, and the dagger met with nothing but air. Another splash, and Kenshoryuken landed ten feet away from Master, his sword in one hand, and a freshly made tiny little cut appearing across the non-scar part of his face, like his forehead.
"Your skill is large as well, Master von Master. I shall have to release my restraints and allow myself to revert back into my old self, the REAL Person-Killer!"
"What?! You have more power to gain! Incredible! Let it come!"
"ShhooooooooooooooooRAH!" Kenshoryuken said, holding his sword in both hands and stabbing it into the ground. A mighty clap of thunder resounded above their heads in the cloudless sky, which should really mess with your head if you think about it. So don't.
"You..." Master took a step back as he looked at the person in front of him. No longer did Kenshoryuken stand there. It was now THE PERSON-KILLER, [NAME- WITHHELD]. Eyes of crimson burned within the skull of the swordsman, and a slight scowl crossed the face. "You truly are the Person-Killer! This shall be a battle of forever!"
"Your time is up, von Master." No rage marred the voice, only the steel- tempered intensity of a man pushed over the edge of madness.
"You cocky fool, even with your new power, you will still fall to my attacks!"
"Let's see."
"VERY WELL! KAWAI... GENKI..." Master began chanting, his stance taking that of a football-hiker, with a dagger between his legs instead of a football and no one behind him with their hands on his butt. "SUGOOOOOOOOOOOOI!!!"
The sky turned red as Master leapt forward, his blade extended. Wind came up in gales and the water around them all rose up like a gigantic force commanded them to do so.
WA-TAK!
Kenshoryuken calmly looked into the disbelieving eyes of Master von Master. The Person-Killer had blocked the attack. The water came down again, sliced in two by the attack and falling in separate halves. "Now it is my turn. WHOOOOOOOO!"
SHU-FUCKING-PANG!
It was now Master von Master who looked into the disbelieving eyes of the Person-Killer. OMG HE HAD ALSO BLOCKED THE ATTACK. Trees around them for a half- mile EXPLODED from the sheer force that had been expelled from the blocking of the attack that had been blocked.
"..." said Kenshoryuken, a drop of sweat trailing down his forehead.
"..." replied Master, a drop of sweat ALSO trailing down his forehead.
"god make it stop" torted Francois' mangled and burnt body laying ten feet away from the two.
"IT IS TIME FOR THE FINAL BATTLE," growled Master.
"YES, IT IS," Kenshoryuken agreed.
The sky then TURNED TOTALLY BLACK, and raging storm clouds started raining rainy rain down upon the two fighters, soaking them through and through and letting the water drip off their awesomely hawt hair in that special way that everyone likes.
"ULTRA FIGHTING MANUEVER!" yelled Master, moving so fast that he broke eighteen state speed records, including one in Yugoslavia and two in New Jersey.
BLAMMO! Blocked.
"MASSIVE BLUNT HITTY!" yelled Kenshoryuken, swinging so hard that the force went back 35 years into the past before Master was even born and made Master's dad yell "SONUVABITCH OW MY KIDNEY!" and fall over.
ZWAMPUSCH! Dodged.
"RISING FORCE APPLY!"
"PHOENIX ARC SLASH!"
"BETTER ULTRA FIGHTING MANUEVER!"
"HARDER MASSIVE BLUNT HITTY!"
"RAGING APOCALYPSE!"
"ANGLE STRIKE!"
The ground shook, the air roared, the wind howled, the rain splattered, the entire place was in a big fat uproar as the two fighters exchanged special attacks, flipping out and busting zwees and gleaming the cube and generally going all over. the forest clearing in an attempt to kill each other as hard as they possibly could. The battle continued on like that, with bursts of fire erupting from Kenshoryuken's arms, and multiple shadow-copies of Master jumping all over the place, and flashes of light and cracks of sound and whiffs of smell and explosions of taste just dominating the field. Anyone watching would have their puny minds BLOWN just from the sight of it.
"letmedie" Francois pleaded desperately as he lay on the ground, right before a big swath of lighting from a stray attack slammed into him and electrocuted him to a golden brown crisp with lemon.
Ten minutes later, the two fighters had stopped. The area for ten kilometers around was totally BARREN, the mighty powers of swordplay and fighting spirit and personal pride and honor and ULTIMATE FINAL ATTACKS having ripped the very foliage and landmarks from their place and sending them far, far away. They were at an impasse. They had fought so hard, so long, so fast, and yet neither of them could hit the other.
"Your moves... are strong..." huffed Kenshoryuken, leaning a bit on his sword so he wouldn't fall over from lack of energy.
"As... are yours.." puffed Master, hunched over a bit so he wouldn't tip over from inability to move his legs.
Kenshoryuken was worried. He had to end this fight, lest he be struck down in a moment of weakness. There had to be some way past his defenses. He had always been able to come up with a way to overcome a challenge that he had thought to be undefeatable. But how could he defeat Master? Kenshoryuken's brain thought and thought, his eyes never leaving the gaze of Master, for fear that if he blinked, Master would rise up and kill him with one quick motion. One quick motion...
Kenshoryuken didn't blink, even though the realization he had just got warranted one. The solution. He had figured it out. Why it had taken this long to realize what he had to do was a mystery. A man with no apparent weaknesses, and Kenshoryuken had neglected to think of the simple solution when it was as plain as the day he was currently occupying.
"You, Master..." the handsome samurai said breathlessly, standing up to his full height and hefting his sword once again.
"Are you ready now, to die?" Master growled, also standing up, looking a bit refreshed from his slight rest.
"No. But you had better be, for I now know what I must do to defeat you."
"Then do what you think will work, and when you've failed, I will kill you with my next blow."
Kenshoryuken steadied his stance, gripping his unique non-edge sword with both hands and closing his eyes. He had to do this correctly, or he would fail. And failure was not an option.
"RAAAAAR!" Master yelled, rushing towards Kenshoryuken at a speed thought unattainable by mortal men, blur lines and everything streaming off him as he ran towards his opponent.
SCHIK.
There they stood, backs facing each other, the mighty runpast attacks executed and in the final frame of animation. A gust of wind blew slowly across the battlefield as no one moved, not even an inch.
"You.." Master coughed, then coughed blood, then coughed some more blood, then fell to his knees and coughed even more blood. Master's own dagger was sticking into his chest, eerie red viscera lifeblood oozing out from the wound and down his black shirt and stomach. "But.. how... how did you defeat me?"
"It was simple, Master von Master." Kenshoryuken turned around, his sword already sheathed in it's sheath. "I realized that the only way that I would be able to overcome your speed... was to go faster than you were going. So I did."
GURGLEGURGLE. Master coughed a bunch of more blood, and then fell over, completely dead.
"I live..." Kenshoryuken mused, tears squeezing out from his tightly-closed eyelids. "But for what? To kill again? Is my life worth it? Should I be allowed to live, only to take the life of another? Is it right for me to do that? I do not know..."
And with that, the fearless long-haired badass swordguy started walking, his feet dragging across the ground with each step, his soul heavy with the weight of his moral conscience crushing down upon his heart. Another day to live, another day to die... neither choice sounded thrilling to the wandering master of Hard Sword. So he walked into the distance, into the sunset on the horizon, and awaited night, so he could sleep a fitful sleep, and try to forget the day.
"pain bad" blurbed Francois' smoking corpse, which then rolled into a pool of acid and melted.
THE END!