Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the things I create, obviously.
What I do create should be obvious. Anything you don't recognise.
Note: I won't be able to update for at least a week. I'm going on holiday and won't have access to a computer. Sorry.
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic
Once again there was a long, pained silence. Homunculus was certain this time that Eike would not run away in disgust, but he couldn't help dreading whatever questions he might ask. But he had to let him ask them; otherwise he really would leave.
But the silence continued.
"Eike?"
"Yes?"
"Is there nothing you want to ask?"
"I thought you didn't want me to ask questions."
"/I/ thought you wanted to ask them."
They stopped. Neither of them wanted to turn this into an argument. And that was what it would become, with Homunculus' emotions in such a fragile state.
Listening to this part of the story, Eike was struck by the emotion in the djinn's voice. Before, there had been bitterness and hatred, but he had expected these things. He hadn't expected the affection with which Homunculus' spoke of the family he had lived with. One that had made him feel almost human. Especially the girl. Isis. The way Homunculus spoke of her was intriguing, but Eike couldn't suppress the instinctive feeling of jealousy that rose in him at the thought that Homunculus had once loved someone else. And the way he spoke of her. Like he still...
"Do you still think of them? Of Kamose and Isis and the others?"
"I try not to. I try very hard not to. But sometimes I do find myself wishing I could go back to them and have things the way they were."
"Why don't you?" Eike asked. He didn't know why he asked that particular question. It made him sound as if he wanted Homunculus to go back, which would mean leaving Eike behind. He swallowed a lump in his throat at that thought. But he continued to speak, and in his own worry he failed to see the pained expression on Homunculus' face. "I mean, if you can travel back in time you could go and see them."
"I could," Homunculus said in a pained voice. "And yet at the same time... I couldn't."
"Why not?"
Homunculus shuddered slightly, and then buried his head against Eike's chest, trembling ever so slightly. Eike adjusted his arms around the djinn's fragile form, holding him as close to his body as possible, one hand resting on the back of his neck, the other completely encircling his delicate shoulders. He waited patiently for an answer.
"It would only remind me of all that I lost."
Through his shirt, Eike felt Homunculus' cold, wet tears. He couldn't help shivering, but he refused to let the djinn go. Whatever it was the family had done to him, and Homunculus had dropped several hints that it had been a terrible thing, he wasn't going to make any similar mistake.
Reading his thoughts quite clearly, Homunculus spoke again. "I know you'd never hurt me intentionally, Eike."
Eike was shocked. "They hurt you /intentionally/?"
"They believed it was for the best. They felt... that it was what they had to do."
Eike frowned. "It almost sounds like you've forgiven them."
"Perhaps I have. It was so long ago, and they are all dead. Even I can't hold a grudge on terms like that."
"You don't hate them?"
"No. I hate what they did to me. But I don't hate them."
"Do you still love them then?"
Homunculus smiled when he heard the underlying jealousy in Eike's voice and felt a strange pride that Eike was jealous of someone who he had left behind a long time ago. But he needn't feel that way at all. "Yes, in my own way, I think I do. Until now I have kept all those memories and emotions locked away. I think that, it wasn't as though I /couldn't/ feel. I just suppressed those emotions for so long... in the end I didn't know how to waken them again. Until you that is."
"So I unlocked all your emotions?"
"I suppose so."
There was another pause. "But Isis... did you love her... like..."
"Like I love you? I think so, to some degree anyway. But it was hard, with her not knowing the truth about me. You do, and that makes all the difference." Eike still didn't seem completely reassured, so Homunculus turned his head up towards him, and gave him a tender kiss on the mouth. The blonde gave a small laugh, and then returned the kiss. After a moment, Homunculus said, "You know I love you. Why do you get jealous?"
"I don't know. I'll try not to."
They shared another brief kiss before settling back into each other's arms. Homunculus was touched that Eike was jealous of Isis. He didn't love the girl anymore. She was too far out of his reach now. Perhaps the whole time she had just been someone he wanted but could never have. That seemed to be the way things worked for him. Always wanting something that was unattainable. No, he had loved her. But he had accepted he could never have her. She was only a memory now.
And now Homunculus had Eike, possibly the one living creature who would ever understand him to any degree. And the most wonderful thing about it was that there were no lies to feel guilty over. There were no boundaries because Eike didn't care that he was a demon. He didn't care about all the terrible things that he had done. He loved Homunculus anyway. That meant everything to the djinn. No memory was going to make him regret the loss of another, former loved one. He couldn't afford that. Right now, he was just laying her ghost, and the ghosts of that whole family, to rest.
Figuratively speaking of course.
"Tell me the rest," Eike said softly, encouragingly.
Homunculus shuddered suddenly.
"Homunculus are you-"
"No!" the djinn said forcefully, though in a horribly pained voice. "I /am/ going to tell you Eike. It's just that... I put these memories away so long ago. Now... I'm opening old wounds again. It hurts."
"I'm so sorry," Eike said, meaning it with all his heart. "But you do understand, right? I can't..."
"Yes I know. You have to know. And, having told you everything thus far, it would make things worse to stop now. I must continue for both our sakes. But that doesn't make it any less painful."
"I'm right here, Homunculus. I'm right here for you."
"I know, Eike. And I thank you for that. But listen now. Listen carefully."
"I will."
"Then I'll go on..."
*******
Note: I won't be able to update for at least a week. I'm going on holiday and won't have access to a computer. Sorry.
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories
A Shadow of Destiny Fanfic
Once again there was a long, pained silence. Homunculus was certain this time that Eike would not run away in disgust, but he couldn't help dreading whatever questions he might ask. But he had to let him ask them; otherwise he really would leave.
But the silence continued.
"Eike?"
"Yes?"
"Is there nothing you want to ask?"
"I thought you didn't want me to ask questions."
"/I/ thought you wanted to ask them."
They stopped. Neither of them wanted to turn this into an argument. And that was what it would become, with Homunculus' emotions in such a fragile state.
Listening to this part of the story, Eike was struck by the emotion in the djinn's voice. Before, there had been bitterness and hatred, but he had expected these things. He hadn't expected the affection with which Homunculus' spoke of the family he had lived with. One that had made him feel almost human. Especially the girl. Isis. The way Homunculus spoke of her was intriguing, but Eike couldn't suppress the instinctive feeling of jealousy that rose in him at the thought that Homunculus had once loved someone else. And the way he spoke of her. Like he still...
"Do you still think of them? Of Kamose and Isis and the others?"
"I try not to. I try very hard not to. But sometimes I do find myself wishing I could go back to them and have things the way they were."
"Why don't you?" Eike asked. He didn't know why he asked that particular question. It made him sound as if he wanted Homunculus to go back, which would mean leaving Eike behind. He swallowed a lump in his throat at that thought. But he continued to speak, and in his own worry he failed to see the pained expression on Homunculus' face. "I mean, if you can travel back in time you could go and see them."
"I could," Homunculus said in a pained voice. "And yet at the same time... I couldn't."
"Why not?"
Homunculus shuddered slightly, and then buried his head against Eike's chest, trembling ever so slightly. Eike adjusted his arms around the djinn's fragile form, holding him as close to his body as possible, one hand resting on the back of his neck, the other completely encircling his delicate shoulders. He waited patiently for an answer.
"It would only remind me of all that I lost."
Through his shirt, Eike felt Homunculus' cold, wet tears. He couldn't help shivering, but he refused to let the djinn go. Whatever it was the family had done to him, and Homunculus had dropped several hints that it had been a terrible thing, he wasn't going to make any similar mistake.
Reading his thoughts quite clearly, Homunculus spoke again. "I know you'd never hurt me intentionally, Eike."
Eike was shocked. "They hurt you /intentionally/?"
"They believed it was for the best. They felt... that it was what they had to do."
Eike frowned. "It almost sounds like you've forgiven them."
"Perhaps I have. It was so long ago, and they are all dead. Even I can't hold a grudge on terms like that."
"You don't hate them?"
"No. I hate what they did to me. But I don't hate them."
"Do you still love them then?"
Homunculus smiled when he heard the underlying jealousy in Eike's voice and felt a strange pride that Eike was jealous of someone who he had left behind a long time ago. But he needn't feel that way at all. "Yes, in my own way, I think I do. Until now I have kept all those memories and emotions locked away. I think that, it wasn't as though I /couldn't/ feel. I just suppressed those emotions for so long... in the end I didn't know how to waken them again. Until you that is."
"So I unlocked all your emotions?"
"I suppose so."
There was another pause. "But Isis... did you love her... like..."
"Like I love you? I think so, to some degree anyway. But it was hard, with her not knowing the truth about me. You do, and that makes all the difference." Eike still didn't seem completely reassured, so Homunculus turned his head up towards him, and gave him a tender kiss on the mouth. The blonde gave a small laugh, and then returned the kiss. After a moment, Homunculus said, "You know I love you. Why do you get jealous?"
"I don't know. I'll try not to."
They shared another brief kiss before settling back into each other's arms. Homunculus was touched that Eike was jealous of Isis. He didn't love the girl anymore. She was too far out of his reach now. Perhaps the whole time she had just been someone he wanted but could never have. That seemed to be the way things worked for him. Always wanting something that was unattainable. No, he had loved her. But he had accepted he could never have her. She was only a memory now.
And now Homunculus had Eike, possibly the one living creature who would ever understand him to any degree. And the most wonderful thing about it was that there were no lies to feel guilty over. There were no boundaries because Eike didn't care that he was a demon. He didn't care about all the terrible things that he had done. He loved Homunculus anyway. That meant everything to the djinn. No memory was going to make him regret the loss of another, former loved one. He couldn't afford that. Right now, he was just laying her ghost, and the ghosts of that whole family, to rest.
Figuratively speaking of course.
"Tell me the rest," Eike said softly, encouragingly.
Homunculus shuddered suddenly.
"Homunculus are you-"
"No!" the djinn said forcefully, though in a horribly pained voice. "I /am/ going to tell you Eike. It's just that... I put these memories away so long ago. Now... I'm opening old wounds again. It hurts."
"I'm so sorry," Eike said, meaning it with all his heart. "But you do understand, right? I can't..."
"Yes I know. You have to know. And, having told you everything thus far, it would make things worse to stop now. I must continue for both our sakes. But that doesn't make it any less painful."
"I'm right here, Homunculus. I'm right here for you."
"I know, Eike. And I thank you for that. But listen now. Listen carefully."
"I will."
"Then I'll go on..."
*******