Final Golden Sun VII

As you may have guessed, this is a parody of Final Fantasy VII with Golden Sun characters. Love the parody bug.

First off, some thanks are in order. First, thanks to my mother and my sister, because I had a little talk with them when we were coming home from the Big Apple Anime Fest and they said a couple of things that killed my fear of attention. Mostly. Enough to put this up. Second, thanks to the parody bug. Gotta love the parody bug. Third, thanks to whoever wrote the game script for FF7 at GameFAQs.com (--Good site. Very good site), because I'm mainly using that to refresh my memory. And...that's it.

Disclaimer: Actually, I do own Golden Sun and Final Fantasy VII. Yep, that's right. *pause* If you believed me, you're a fool.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm a Mudshipper (Isaac/Mia), so this may have elements of it in here. If you're going to flame because of it, leave now. (Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike Isaac/Jenna, I just like Mia more. Jenna has better attack power, but Mia heals a lot more...) Enjoy, those of you who are left.

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(The Adepts are waiting in...a plain.)

Isaac: A plain?

(Well it's either that or the middle of a busy town...)

Isaac: *shudders* Fair enough. Lousy fangirls...

Garet: What ARE we waiting for, anyway?

Felix: Well, Isaac got this note that told us to come out here...And...*looks past Isaac* We got company.

Isaac: What? *whirls around to see Saturos, Menardi, Agatio, Karst, and Alex* Wait, I thought you were all dead!

Saturos: Well, we were...*starts fidgeting nervously*

Ivan: Ah, don't worry. We know what you were doing now, so we're not going to fight you.

(Everyone glares at Alex)

Ivan: Now, Alex, on the other hand.

Alex: *gulps and starts fidgeting nervously, but is saved by two sudden swooshing noises*

Voice: Hey, now, no fighting. I don't like Alex either, but I needed to swell the ranks somehow, and he's good for what I have in mind.

(The thirteen Adepts slowly turn around to see a completely average boy a little taller than Ivan, and another boy standing next to him. They look exactly the same, except the second has a slight height advantage, completely black clothes, and a sword that he's loitering on.)

Sheba: Wait...you're not...

Dark Side: Yep, we're the author and muse. Ph33r us.

Knight: Dark Side, 1337 speak is less intimidating if you say it out loud...

Dark Side: Oh, shut up.

Knight: Right. *ahem* So! You're probably wondering why we called you out here?

Jenna: Oh, yeah. And we better get some answers, too. *Her hands start glowing, as well as Mia's and Sheba's*

Knight: *gulp* Hey, I'm the author, I can probably take all...I'm not finishing that sentence. *cough* ANYWAY. I called you here because...drum roll, please...*Dark Side complies* I'm writing a parody of Final Fantasy VII with you guys!

(Silence.)

Mia: Can we ask what Final Fantasy VII is?

Dark Side: Sure. Compressed into about a sentence or two, it's the RPG that revolutionized RPGs. Very critically acclaimed, decent graphics for its time, a plot that many consider to be the best ever...

(Adepts gasp)

Dark Side: ...and some say it's the best RPG of all time.

(Adepts gasp harder)

Knight: We don't think so, though. *Adepts let out a sigh of relief* So...here are your parts.

Agatio: Wait, why are we being subjected to this?

Knight: Because I feel like it. And the parody bug's bitten me. ^_^

Agatio: I see no need to listen to you! *starts to raise arm, but suddenly turns into a pink fluffy bunny*

Adepts: 0_0

Knight: Do you see the need now? *the bunny nods vigorously* Thank you. *turns Agatio back to normal* Alright, as I said, here are your roles.

Isaac is Cloud, the main character, because both have yellow spiky hair.

Isaac: That's the only reason?!

Knight: Pretty much. ^_^

Dark Side: *whispering to Knight* You know, Felix would've been a better fit, given that he deserves some time in the spotlight and he kinda comes across as a bit of a jerk like Cloud...

Knight: *whispering to Dark Side* Yeah, but then Isaac would look way out of place. (in normal tones) Garet is Barret, the tough resistance leader with a gun for an arm, because Garet and Barret rhyme and I thought it was funny.

Garet: 0_0

Dark Side: *whispering* You're an idiot, you know that?

Knight: Yup. Ivan, you're Red XIII, a.k.a. Nanaki, because you're wise and he's wise and I thought it fits.

Ivan: Good enough for me.

Knight: Oh, and he's a lion-wolf cross.

Ivan: WHAT?!

Knight: Heh heh...Mia, you're Aeris, the obligatory ancient-civilization-girl, because Aeris is a calm character and you seem to be the calmest GS girl. I've never seen you angry.

Mia: That's a good thing for you. But I have no problem with the role...

Knight: (Until you find out what happens at the end of the first disc...) Felix, you're Cid Highwind, the pilot, because of a reason that will be revealed during the second disc. And he's also notorious for saying the longest string of curses ever in a Final Fantasy game, so it's a funny contrast.

Felix: I resent that.

Knight: Too bad.

Karst: Hey, wait, when do we get parts? *Proxians start glaring at Knight and Dark Side*

Knight: I'm not there yet. Sheesh. Be patient. Jenna, you're Tifa, the childhood friend of Cloud, because you are a childhood friend of Isaac.

Jenna: You have no imagination. You know that?

Knight: Of course. Sheba, you're Elena, one of the Turks, because you're both blonde and you don't seem all hyper and brash like Yuffie. Well, hyper, maybe, but not brash.

Sheba: Oh...kay...

Knight: Piers...Picard...which do you prefer, anyway?

Picard: The second...

Knight: Okay. Piers-

Picard: HEY!

Knight: I was kidding. I like Picard more, so I'm using that. Picard, you're Vincent, the mysterious guy with a gun, because it's another funny contrast to your personality. And in my mind you looked cool with a gun.

Picard: Right...I'm not going to like this, am I?

Knight: Hey, I'm sadistic. You shoulda learned that by now. Saturos, you're Sephiroth, because you're the only one of the bad guys-

Saturos: I...am not...a bad guy! *raises sword threateningly* I was lighting the lighthouses to save Prox!

Knight: Okay, okay, okay, you're the only one of the Proxians who uses a sword.

Saturos: Fair enough. *pause* Is this Sephiroth cool?

Knight: Many consider him the best villain ever.

Saturos: Sweetness. ^_^

Knight: Agatio, you're Cait Sith, which is kind of a cat sitting atop a huge doll...

Agatio: What?!

Knight: ...because Cait Sith seems to be the biggest party member, and you're the biggest GS character.

Agatio: As long as I don't get anything humiliating...

Knight: Your weapon's a megaphone.

Agatio: Say what?! *lunges at Knight, but a sudden punch from Dark Side sends him flying back to the Proxians*

Dark Side: I'm his appointed bodyguard, and he's the author, so I basically have the power to own you all. Got it?

Agatio: *meekly* Yes sir.

Knight: Go DS. ^_^ Look, if it'll make you happy, I'll let you stay the way you are now for your role. Okay?

Agatio: Fine.

Knight: Great. Menardi, you're a female Reno, another one of the Turks, because there was no other good spot for you.

Menardi: I'd decapitate you, but your dark side has already shown his power...*fumes*

Dark Side: *smiles evilly and flashes one of those peace signs*

Knight: Karst, you're Yuffie, because you seem to be a good fit.

Karst: I'd have to say the same thing as my sister here...*fumes, which looks exactly like Menardi's*

Alex: And what about me?

Knight: You're Rufus, President Shinra's son, because he's a bastard and so are you.

Alex: Why you little...*raises arm, ready to strike with powers of Alchemy, but is suddenly nailed in the head with the butt of Dark Side's sword* OW!

Dark Side: *catching sword as it flies back like a boomerang* That's the second reminder...

Knight: And other semi-important characters will show up as they come. Okay, let's start it. *Raises arms and everyone is suddenly transported to a movie set*

Isaac: Whoa, how'd you do that?

Knight: I'm the author, remember? *Dark Side tosses out scripts to everyone* Alright, places everyone! Let's move!

And for reference:

The Cast
(in order of party appearance and NPC/enemy importance)

Isaac: Cloud Strife

Garet: Barret Wallace

Jenna: Tifa Lockheart

Mia: Aeris Gainsborough

Ivan: Red XIII, a.k.a. Nanaki

Karst: Yuffie Kisaragi

Agatio: Cait Sith

Picard: Vincent Valentine

Felix: Cid Highwind

Saturos: Sephiroth

Alex: Rufus Shinra

Menardi: (Female) Reno of the Turks

Sheba: Elena of the Turks

Knight: Director

Dark Side: Cameraman/Bodyguard

Other characters to be introduced later

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Knight: Ah, the fun fun fun parody bug. Hope you will all enjoy it! If you were wondering why I said Isaac would look way out of place if Felix were Cloud-can you imagine Isaac as Cid Highwind? Can you imagine Isaac cursing every five seconds with a cigarette and using a spear? Knowing my luck, you probably can. -_- But I think Felix looks more in-character as Cid than Isaac. So that's why.

Dark Side: And as you may have guessed, Felix is Cid because Cid is the leader during parts of disc 2.

Knight: And Isaac and Felix are my favorite GS characters, so they both get some time in the spotlight. ^_^ So, see you in the first chapter, The Bombing Raid on Tolbi's No. 1 Reactor!

Dark Side: Tolbi?

Knight: Yep. Babi's President Shinra.

Dark Side: Huh. That makes sense.

Knight: I know. ^_^ By the way, can someone help me think up a Golden Sun name for Shinra? If no one has any suggestions, I'm going with Colosso, just because. That's all. Review or I'll sic Dark Side on you.