Knight: Yes! I'm getting reviews! I'm not invisible after all! *Dark Side pokes Knight's head with a pin* Ow. What was that for?

Dark Side: Your head needed deflating.

Knight: Oh. Heh heh, yeah. Right. *notices stares* What? I'm not a review whore, I just like knowing that I'm not invisible.

Dark Side: Don't we all...Life's no fun if no one knows you exist...

Not Important1: I prefer Cloud/Tifa too, but I didn't really want to go overboard with the contrasting characters thing. I already have Felix, a seemingly keeps-his-cool guy, as Cid Highwind, a.k.a. Mr. "%#@*^*&@&%@#" Guy. And I also have Picard, a friendly guy, as Vincent, who's just outright dark and mysterious, so...yeah. I figured three or four contrasting characters would be too much.

???: Interesting name. Anyway, I didn't steal your idea. Not intentionally, at least. Sorry 'bout that.

Carscard: I think I'm actually making up the rest of the cast as I go along. Well, I have an idea for Hojo, and possibly Reeve and Tseng and Scarlett and maybe even Heidigger and Zack...You know, now that I think about it, Menardi would have made a perfect Scarlett, but Scarlett entirely slipped my mind when I was making up the cast...hell, all the characters you mentioned entirely slipped my mind...Well, you're just going to have to find out what happens when I get to those parts! ^_^

Lemurian Swordsman: Yeah...you noticed. Sorry, but this is gonna stick to FF7's story, which means, yes, Mia's character is going to die. Notice how I said Mia's character, not Mia herself. This is like a movie, and she's one of the actors, and unless I missed something or I'm even more stupid than I thought, actors don't die when their characters die... I'm starting to feel stupefied, responding to your review. School's fault, I tell you. It's all school's fault...I should shut up.

You Suck: (Well, by this time, the review should be gone, but I'm responding to it anyway. I'm sure you know what he/she said anyway.) 0_0 Congratulations, you are the giver of my very first flame. Here's the cookie you burned. That was a very nice display of your intelligence, by the way. Would you also mind telling me why the *bleep*in' bloody hell you flamed everything on the first page? What the hell did anyone ever do to piss you off?!

And, well, I'd say something else to the other reviewers, but I can't think of anything witty to say, so I'll just give everyone cookies. Except for "You Suck," for obvious reasons. 'Cause he or she sucks. And an extra large one goes to Lightningfencer00fuzz for giving me some names for Shinra (Aleph, in particular). ^_^

And you may notice that the characters suddenly seem to know they were in a game all along and other stuff that would tear the fourth wall into little crumbly gravel pieces. Don't ask why. It's a little thing called "creative license."

I think.

And the last note: I forgot to ask for GS names for SOLDIER and AVALANCHE. So I'm just going with them. Because I can't think up any better names.

Disclaimer: Put it this way. The amount of money in my wallet is around $30. The rights to Golden Sun, Final Fantasy VII, and anything else that pops up in here must cost somewhere around five billion. Do the math.

Spoiler Warning: There are going to be some spoilers for both Golden Sun games, and even more for Final Fantasy VII. You have been warned.

Aaaaaaaaand...ACTION!

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(Scene: A bunch of stars. The camera pans around, giving us a nice view of them, and finally pulls back to reveal they're actually fireplace sparks. Mia is staring into the camera, her hands clasped. Eventually, the camera moves to show her picking up a flower basket and walking to the end of an alleyway, and the camera continues to zoom waaaay out until you can see all of Tolbi in its glory)

Final Golden Sun VII

Dark Side: Wait, why Final Golden Sun? The other GS-FF parodies on FanFiction.net are called Golden Fantasy...

Knight: I wanted to be different. And I think Final Golden Sun sounds cool.

Dark Side: Right...

(The camera begins zooming in on Sector 1 of Tolbi, into a train station near the first Reactor. A train pulls in, with some people on top. Two Aleph guards are standing nearby. As the train comes to a stop, Dora-yes, Dora-leaps off the train, and as the closest guard rushes to take her out, she lashes out with a kick that sends the guard flying, unconscious.)

Isaac: Mom?!

Knight: Shut it! You're not supposed to make your entrance yet!

Isaac: (grumble grumble)

(As the second guard stares, Kyle also leaps off and takes him out, while Hsu jumps down with no problem. All three start heading towards the reactor as Garet jumps down.)

Garet: God, this thing is uncomfortable...

(Shaking his gunarm, he makes a motion with his left hand. Isaac does a flip off the train and lands on his feet.)

Garet: Show off.

Isaac: Aren't I, though? ^_^

Garet: Right. Follow me.

(Garet heads towards the reactor, and Isaac begins to follow, but his way is blocked by two more Aleph guards.)

Isaac: Say, these people aren't really humans, are they?

Dark Side: No. They're robots.

Isaac: Okay, great. I have no qualms about killing robots.

(battle transition, screen fades in)

Isaac: (is struggling to hold up his sword)

Knight: Wha...oh, come on. It can't be that heavy.

Isaac: What the hell are you talking about?! This thing's like twice my weight! (Sickening cracks emit from his arms) OW!

Knight: (sighs and uses author powers to make the sword light as a feather and to heal his arms) Happy?

Isaac: Much. (dispatches Aleph guards in two swings and heads in the direction Garet was going)

(Isaac finds Kyle, Dora, and Hsu working on opening a door. By the way, they're supposed to be Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge if you didn't know.)

Kyle: Wow. You used to be in SOLDIER, alright. Not everyday you find one like you in a group like AVALANCHE.

Isaac: (whispering) Um, Dad, why are they capitalized?

Kyle: (whispering) It's what the script says. Shut up.

Dora: SOLDIER? Aren't they the enemy? What's he doing in AVALANCHE?

Isaac: Okay, they're pissing me off. Knight, are those names acronyms?

Knight: Not that I know of...

Isaac: So can you make them normal? It looks so disruptive...

Knight: Picky, picky, picky...(Changes SOLDIER to Soldier and AVALANCHE to Avalanche) Happy?

Isaac: Much.

Kyle: Right. Relax, Dora, he used to be in Soldier. He quit and he's now one of us. (to Isaac) I didn't catch your name...

Isaac: Dad, you know my name.

Kyle: Hey, unlike you, I'm following the script.

Isaac: Okay. Fine. Isaac.

Kyle: Isaac, eh? I'm-

Isaac: (following the script for once) I don't want your names. Once this job's over, I'm out of here.

Garet: (walking up) Hey, what the hell are you all doing?! I thought I told you to never move in a group!

Hsu: Um, may I ask why we are taking orders from Garet, who is younger than all of us?

Dark Side: 'Cause Knight said so! Now shut up and follow the damn script!

Hsu: (grumble grumble)

Garet: Thank you. Our target's the North Alchemy Reactor. We'll meet on the bridge in front of it. Let's move!

(Dora opens the door and she, Kyle, and Hsu run forward. Garet starts to follow, then looks back at Isaac.)

Garet: Ex-Soldier, huh? I don't trust you!

(Garet starts heading towards the No. 1 Reactor and Isaac follows, dispatching random Wild Wolves and Aleph (robot) guards along the way)

Isaac: Is it just me, or is Cloud weaker than he appears? This sword looks big enough to tear a house in half, but it's only doing about 30 damage...

Knight: I know. Soft-Hard Rule or something like that. Just smile and nod.

(As they reach the bridge Garet mentioned, Hsu splits off to guard their exit while the others rush ahead. Once they're inside the room, Garet turns to Isaac.)

Garet: So, is this your first time inside an Aleph reactor?

Isaac: No. I did use to work for them, y'know.

Garet: Well, Alchemy's the blood of this planet, and people use it for everything. But these reactors are sucking the blood outta the planet.

Isaac: ...Whatever.

Garet: That's it! You're coming with me from now on!

(Text box appears: Garet has joined the party! Actually, I don't remember if it shows up in FF7 or not...)

Garet: Wait, I said he's coming with me...

Isaac: I'm the main character. ^_^

Garet: Lucky bastard...

(Kyle opens up the door in front of them, and Dora opens the next one. Or is it the other way around? Either way, Dora comes with them into the elevator beyond.)

Dora: Could one of you boys push that button?

Garet: She's your mother, Isaac.

Isaac: Not in this game, but fine...(He pushes the button and the elevator starts to go down)

Garet: So, I'm going to say something completely random.

Isaac: As per usual?

Garet: Yeah. One day, these reactors will suck the last bit of Alchemy from the planet, and that'll be it.

Isaac: Right. Not my problem.

Garet: The planet's dying, Isaac!

Isaac: Meh. The only thing I care about is my job and the money you're giving me.

Dora: (gasp) Isaac, how could you? After all your father and I taught you-

Isaac: Mom, it's the script.

Dora: Oh. (smiles sheepishly) I knew that. Really.

(At that point, the elevator comes to a stop, and Isaac, Garet, and Dora exit. No sooner do they step outside than they get into a battle against three "monopod" robots, as I like to call them.)

(Well, really, not all of them get into the fight...)

Isaac: I suppose it would be too much to ask you to help us fight, Mom?

Dora: I suppose so.

Isaac: Great. (Slashes one of the monopods into bits) Heh, I could get used to this big sword.

Garet: Right. Anyway, how do you fire this-WAGH! (Gunarm suddenly unleashes dozens of bullets, utterly blowing up the last two monopods.)

(Everyone stands there blinking)

Isaac: Well, that was...interesting...How did you do it?

Garet: Um...I squeezed something with my right index finger?

(Everyone considers that picture for a bit and shudders.)

(To avoid more tedious fighting and dungeon/reactor crawling, I'm skipping ahead to the reactor core, where Isaac sees a little green orb on the ground.)

Isaac: I'd say it's the Orb of Force, but that's red...(Picks it up-text box appears and says "You got Restore Materia!") Materia? Whuzzat?

Knight: Forget about it for now. Garet will explain it later.

Isaac: Garet will explain it?

Dark Side: Actually, you'll explain it to Garet, he just prompts you.

Isaac: But I don't even know what Materia is!

Dark Side: Just read the script when it gets to that point.

Garet: Sheesh. Isaac set up us the bomb.

Isaac: What?

Garet: (shrugs)

Dark Side: (glares at Knight) What the hell is an All Your Base reference doing in there?

Knight: Heh heh...Couldn't resist. Garet, it should just be "Isaac, you set up the bomb."

Garet: Oh. Isaac, you set up the bomb.

Isaac: What bomb? (One suddenly appears in his hand, clock and all) Oh. Why me?

Garet: Just do it. I gotta make sure you don't screw anything up.

Isaac: Right...(He plants the bomb on the core and taps a few buttons, and then alarms go off.)

Garet: Well, I think it's safe to say you screwed something up.

Isaac: Shut up, you.

(Guard Scorpion appears!)

Isaac: (holding the FF7 guide in one hand) Well, according to this, it says we're not supposed to attack when its tail is up, otherwise it'll counter with a big laser on both of us...

Knight: (snatches guide) No looking at that. You might find out who the final boss is.

Isaac: Safer Saturos, a.k.a. One-Winged Angel Saturos?

Dark Side: Too late...

Garet: So about how much does this laser do?

Knight: If I remember correctly, about 100 to both of you...

Garet: (snorts) 100? We have like 800-1200 HP at the end of TLA. 100 is nothing.

Dark Side: Yeah well, at this point, you have 350-400.

Garet: Oh.

Isaac: Well, I guess I'll just Odyssey it to hell. (Tries to cast Odyssey, but instead a lightning bolt strikes from the ceiling) What the?!

Knight: No Psynergy in FF7, genius. You currently have the spells Ice and Bolt.

Isaac: No Odyssey?!

Knight: No Odyssey. But there are Limit Breaks.

Isaac: Huh? (Gets hit by an exceedingly powerful attack from the Guard Scorpion, and in a red text box, "Isaac Limit Break!" appears) Oh. Can I ask what that is?

Knight: Just try attacking normally.

Isaac: Right...(He rushes up to the Guard Scorpion, but instead of just slashing, he jumps up and brings his sword down, cutting a huge gash in the front of the robot) Whoa!

Dark Side: That was Braver, Cloud's first Limit Break. You learn new Limit Breaks as you use them. There's seven for everyone except Cait Sith and Vincent, a.k.a. Agatio and Picard, who get two and four respectively, because...

Knight: Dark Side, shut up and let them get on with the battle.

Dark Side: Hey, unlike you, I liked FF7.

Knight: I didn't not like it, I just don't think it deserves half the attention it gets...

Dark Side: Then why in the WORLD did you whip this up?

Knight: Blame the parody bug!

Garet: Um, guys? Guard Scorpion? Battle?

Knight: Oh, right...Continue on.

Garet: Finally. (Unleashes a barrage of bullets at the Guard Scorpion, who retaliates by firing the laser.) What the?! I thought it only does that when the tail is raised!

Dark Side: Look at it now. (points to raised tail) It's cheap like that.

Garet: I hate cheaters! (Charges up a huge ball of energy and shoots it at the Guard Scorpion, demolishing it.) 0_0

Isaac: Was that his own Limit Break?

Dark Side: Uh-huh. Big Shot.

Isaac: Well, that's nice, but according to the little game timer up there, we've got ten minutes to escape...

Garet: Ten minutes?! TEN MINUTES?!

Knight: Guys, it takes less time than that to escape from Sol Sanctum, and that's longer than this.

Garet: Oh.

(Long story short, they run out, picking up Dora and Kyle on the way. They run out onto the bridge, where Hsu gestures for them to follow him. As they do so, the reactor explodes in a brilliant...explosion.)

(Dark Side: Not exactly Mr. Vocabulary Dictionary, eh?

Knight: Of course not...)

(Scene: Inside a building in Sector 8 of Tolbi. Dora is tapping away at something.)

Kyle: Well, that should keep the planet going a little longer.

Garet: Yeah...

(Dora stands up)

Dora: Okay, everyone get back!

(They do so, and a miniature bomb blows a hole in the side of the building, which allows them to leap out through the hole.)

Garet: Alright, everyone split up. We'll meet up again at the train station.

(Everyone splits up, and Garet starts running towards a staircase)

Isaac: H, hey!

Garet: If it's about your money, wait until we get back. (He disappears)

Isaac: You know, I don't like this game so far. No one's nice to me...grumble grumble, mutter mutter, destroy...

(He heads up the staircase to a street. Some punks barge into Mia, knocking her down.)

Isaac: Tch...Stupid punks. I hate people who're like that...(Holds hand out to Mia) You okay?

Mia: Yes, fine, thank you...(Takes Isaac's hand and pulls herself up, along with her flower basket) Say, would you like to buy a flower? They're only one coin...

Isaac: One? That's it? (hands over a coin and takes the flower) How are you making a living if your flowers are only one coin?

Mia: Good question. We'll have to ask the real Aeris should we ever meet her. Well, good-bye...

(She walks down the street. Isaac walks down the street. Mia mysteriously disappears.)

Isaac: What the?

Dark Side: She just went backstage! Just keep going!

Isaac: Fine. (Heads south for a ways, until...)

Aleph Guards: Hey, you there!

Isaac: Wha...(turns around and sees two Aleph grunts running towards him) Damn. (Slashes twice and takes care of them. Two more appear.) Damn again. (He runs out to an intersection, where two more soldiers appear.) Damn again. (He runs the other way, and two more appear.) Oh, screw it.

(battle transition, but "You're surrounded!" appears in the text box)

Isaac: What?

Dark Side: You're surrounded. (points to two Aleph grunts in front of him and another grunt behind him) Pincer attack.

Isaac: I'm not going to enjoy this, am I?

Dark Side: Nope. Attacks from behind do more damage.

Isaac: Damn. -_-

Dark Side: It applies to you too, however.

Isaac: Oh. Cool! (runs behind the two grunts in front of him and slices through them both from behind)

Knight: Hey, you can't do that!

Isaac: Says who?

Knight: Says whoever programmed the battle system of FF7! Just deal with it!

Isaac: Fine. (The other Aleph grunt fires his machine gun, doing 4 damage.) Four damage?! That's low even in Golden Sun!

Dark Side: We know it is. Just kill him.

Isaac: Yay! (kills the last grunt...and you guessed it, more come.) Damn again! (He runs for the bridge, where he finds he's surrounded on all sides.) Oh, crud.

Aleph Grunt #347: Give up! We have you surrounded!

Isaac: Gee, I couldn't tell. But I don't feel like playing games with you guys. See ya. (does a flashy back flip off the bridge, under which a train just conveniently came out)

Knight: (to Dark Side) Is Cloud supposed to be a showoff?

Dark Side: (to Knight) No, but evidently Isaac is. Just deal with it.

(Isaac lands on the train safely and it speeds down a tunnel)

(Scene: Inside the train. Garet, Kyle, Dora, and Hsu are inside a storage car.)

Kyle: Hm. Isaac never came back.

Hsu: You do not think he died, do you?

Kyle: Hsu, would it kill you to use a contraction occasionally?

Hsu: I do not know. And I do not wish to find out. (Kyle just groans)

Garet: I don't think he died. He's a tough kid.

(Silence.)

Kyle: Say, do you think Isaac's going to keep fighting to the end with Avalanche?

Garet: How would I know? Do I look like a mind reader?! (pounds the crate next to him)

Kyle: Well, if you were a Wind Adept, I'd say yes...

Garet: Ha ha ha. Bloody hilarious.

(Silence again.)

Hsu: Garet, what about our funds?

Dark Side: Hsu, it's money.

Hsu: But funds sounds much more elegant, do you not think so?

Dark Side: (to Knight) Knight, can I kill him?

Knight: (to Dark Side) You don't have to, genius.

Dark Side: (to Knight) Oh. Yeah. (grins)

Hsu: So, again, Garet, what about our funds? (Garet pounds the crate next to him again) Um, never mind...

(More silence.)

(The door suddenly slides open and Isaac flips inside)

Kyle: Isaac!

Dora: Isaac!

Hsu: Isaac!

Garet: For the sake of not sounding like everyone else...showoff.

Isaac: Thank you. ^_^ Seems like I was a little late.

Garet: Little?! You freaking missed the train! And now you come waltzing in making a big scene!

Isaac: Heh, it's no big deal. Just what I always do.

Knight: (to Dark Side) Wow, he is a showoff.

Dark Side: (to Knight) That's the actual line.

Knight: Oh.

Garet: Tch...Having everyone worried like that! You don't give a damn about anyone but yourself, do you?!

Isaac: Oh, you were worried about me?

Garet: Wha...(Looks rather steamed) That's coming outta your pay, smart guy! (stomps over to the back of the car) Wake up! We're moving to the next car! (slams open the door and stomps through)

Knight: (thinking) Damn, he's good. Who would've thought Garet was an actor?

Hsu: Isaac, you were magnificent-

Dark Side: Great. It's great. I don't give a crap about "magnificent" being more elegant, it's great.

Hsu: (fuming) Okay. Fine. Isaac, you were great back there. (follows Garet through the door)

Kyle: Heh. Don't worry, Isaac. We'll do even better next time. (gives Isaac the thumbs-up and disappears through the door)

Dora: Hm, no one bothered to shut this...(closes the door and turns to Isaac, gasping) Oh, Isaac! Your face is pitch-black! (grabs him in a headlock and starts vigorously rubbing his face with a handkerchief)

Dark Side: Dora...get...off! (breaks Isaac out of headlock) You're just supposed to rub it from where you were standing!

Dora: (smiling sheepishly) Oh...sorry about that...mother's instinct, you know...(quickly runs out)

Knight: (to Felix, who's standing next to him) Very protective of him, isn't she?

Felix: Ohhhh yeah. And you haven't even seen the worst of it. (Knight shudders as Isaac enters the next car)

Freaky Announcer Voice Thingy: Train departing from Sector 8 station. Estimated time of arrival in Sector 7 is 12:38 AM.

Isaac: Say, when did Tolbi get split up into sectors, anyway?

FAVT: Since someone deemed it so. Quiet, you.

Isaac: What the?!

(Garet scares everyone off and sits down, while Dora calls Isaac over.)

Isaac: No.

Dora: Please?

Isaac: No. I don't want to hear your speech that will amount to nothing in the plot and have nothing to do with anything.

Dora: But I was going to say something about our...(lowers voice to a whisper) fake (back to normal) ID's and how we use them to fool the security check...

Isaac: And like I said, it's likely to amount to nothing in the plot! (At that point, red lights start going off) Wha?

Dora: This is the security check. So much for amounting to nothing in the plot. ^_^

Isaac: (grumble) (red lights turn off)

Garet: Hey, look...You can see the surface now...(looking out window) This city doesn't have day or night...If that plate weren't there, we could see the sky.

Isaac: (looks out window as well and sees the Sector 7 Plate waaaaay up high.) Huh. A floating city...Pretty unsettling scenery.

Garet: Hm? (Stands up and looks at Isaac) Never expected that out of you. You're just full of surprises. (Looks out the window at the plate again) The upper world, a city on a plate. It's because of that damned "pizza" that the people underneath are suffering!

Kyle: Pizza? Only Garet would use a term like that...

Dark Side: It's the script, Kyle! It's what Barret actually says!

Kyle: Oh. Sorry 'bout that.

Garet: (grumbling) And the city below is full of polluted air...And on top of all that, the Reactors keep draining out all the Alchemy.

Isaac: (standing up as well) So why doesn't everyone move onto the plate?

Garet: Not enough money, I guess. Or maybe they love their land so much they refuse to leave it.

Isaac: I dunno...(looks out again) No one lives in the slums because they want to...

(The train speeds on for a while, eventually stopping at Sector 7.)

Knight: Aaaaaaaand...Cut!

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Knight: Whoo. That was nice and long. *ahem* So, um, a couple of notes...You may have noticed Garet wasn't acting entirely blockhead-ish like...thing. I figured that he should have at least one story on FF.net where he doesn't act like an idiot. It's only fair, right?

Dark Side: I guess. And did Aleph Grunt #347 originate from where I think he originated?

Knight: Yep. In RPG World, a really funny webcomic that pokes fun at just about every RPG cliche imaginable, one of the main characters is Evil Soldier #347. So that particular Aleph grunt is homage to 347, because he's one of the funniest characters. Don't sue me. So, well, um...that's all for now! Please review!