Disclaimer: If you recognise it, chances are it's not mine. The quote is
from "Les Misérables" and links to Homunculus' inner debate on whether he
should risk telling Eike the truth.
Well. it didn't take me as long to update as I thought it would. Bit of a surprise for everyone, even me. ^_^ But here you go. a bit of everything in here but mostly angst, which I'm sure you'll all love (in a sense anyway). It's truth time. I hope I got all the stuff about time and the loop right. I anyone spots a hole in my theory about what happens in the game I'll try and correct it, unless it's so complicated it'll make my head fall off or something. Anyway. enjoy!
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories
"If I speak I am condemned. If I stay silent I am damned."
It was going to be another long, tedious day, Homunculus realised when the door had shut behind Eike, and he gave a theatrical sigh to the world in general. He supposed he could go through Eike's rather limited collection of reading material, though what was worth reading he had already read before. Eike had decided earlier in the week, when the djinn had expressed his extreme boredom, who the television in the living room worked. Homunculus had tried watching it, and it had made him feel even more bored, and a little depressed. He was a demon after all, and wasn't supposed to be interested in the affairs of humankind.
This left little for him to do. He didn't want to return to his realm because there, time had little meaning, and he might loose track of it easily and return after what had seemed like five minutes to find that he had been gone for years. Eike probably wouldn't appreciate that.
So, Homunculus decided he would just lie and think about things. Going into the living room, he stretched out like a lazy cat on the couch, luminous red eyes staring at the ceiling dreamily as the djinn allowed thoughts to surface from deep inside him.
Despite his conviction when telling Eike he would relate the rest of his life story, and despite resolving himself to reveal to Eike the truth about who the young man was, or had been anyway, a strange sense of impending doom had begun to grow inside the djinn. He wondered if doing the right thing was always like this, with the conscience tugging you in two directions. He loved Eike, and wanted him to trust him. But was he risking their strange relationship this one time by revealing the truth. And would it be so bad to conceal the truth?
Homunculus shook his head. That wasn't the answer. He'd already decided that. Even if Eike's memory would erase itself after a few years, before the man began to ask questions that would still mean that Homunculus would lose him. He would have to go through the whole process of starting a relationship, which in his experience had been extremely complicated and, in many ways, painful.
But that would happen anyway really. The Eike Homunculus knew would be lost for good, and Homunculus was not prepared to let that happen. Perhaps he could think of a way to seal the memory of what they had been through, so that Eike would always know, in some innate way, that he and Homunculus were meant to be together. But that still wouldn't be the same. He will have lost all his memories of why they were together. Homunculus really had no intention of retelling /that/ tale, or the story of his past over and over again to the same person.
And of course they would want to preserve all the memories they would make in the future. What was the point of having a life to share with someone if you forgot every single detail after a few years?
But the consequences of being immortal, and remembering everything. No human could handle that kind of stress on their mind. Not forever anyway.
Homunculus smiled as an idea came to him out of the blue. He imagined him and Eike, going through their memories like a couple might go through a photo album. Then they would decide which ones they wanted to keep and which they would rather forget about. That way Eike's brain would never become overcrowded.
Homunculus' grin broadened, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Eike wasn't some kind of filing cabinet from which memories could be extracted. Every memory was important and taking things out would leave gaps, large or small. That in itself would take a serious toll on Eike's sanity. Besides, even bad memories had their lessons, as Homunculus himself had learned in his colourful lifetime.
He would have liked to discuss this with Eike, but knew the young man was busy working, and when he came home all he would want to hear was the rest of Homunculus' story.
Homunculus made a frustrated sound.
//Humans. they had to go and make everything so complicated.//
*******
Eike opened the door to the library and shouted for Margarete. After a few minutes he heard her voice in the room to his right and he followed the sound. She was standing on the ladder, apparently returning some books to their proper places.
"You're late," she said accusingly, before smiling to show she was joking.
"Sorry," Eike mumbled, putting on an exaggerated expression of hurt. Then he sighed and asked, "Busy already?"
"You can't imagine," she said, putting the last book in place and climbing down. "It wasn't so bad when father was here too."
Eike nodded. "How is the old guy?" he asked lightly. He was glad that, since Mr Eckhart's coming out of the coma and his remarkably quick recovery, he was able to mention the subject without the room filling with tension.
"I went to speak to him last night," Margarete was saying as he followed her through to the reception. "He's much better, though he says he misses my cooking."
"I can understand that," Eike said, thinking of the food in the hospital, which made even his food look tempting.
"He wants to know if you'd come and see him sometime. He has seen you since. before it happened."
"Yeah," Eike scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I guess I've been busy recently."
Margarete fixed with a look of amusement. "So.?"
Eike stared back at her. "So.?" he echoed her.
"Who is she?"
Eike frowned. "Who?"
"I'm not stupid, Eike. I know you're hiding someone back at home. You can't play innocent with me."
Eike stared at her. "I. err. how did you.?"
Margarete laughed at him and waved a hand dismissively in the air. "The way you look at your watch every five minutes wondering when you can get home. The way you rush out the door every day. It's blindingly obvious, you know."
Eike continued to stare. "Oh," he managed to murmur. He realised that he might be stuck explaining his rather strange circumstances to Margarete, who probably wouldn't be very pleased to hear that the being that had taken her 'brother' away and ruined her entire family was now living in Eike's house. "Well. actually."
Margarete giggled at him. "You've gone the funniest shade of pink, Eike. It's okay if you don't want to tell me about her yet."
Eike swallowed and, before he could stop himself said: "Him."
The look he got in return of this comment made him want to melt into a puddle and run off down a drain. He could actually feel the blood rushing to his face as he blushed furiously.
Margarete, still relatively new to some of the things that were accepted in this time, was confused.
"A 'he'? You're. I mean.. How is that.?"
Eike hastily tried to explain. "It's." What was he thinking? How was he supposed to explain this? "It's complicated," he said, giving up. "But it's not unusual for this time, you know."
"You mean. men can get married. to each other?" Margarete's voice was half filled with confusion and half full of fascination.
"I'm not sure about marriage," Eike said. "But. there are male couples around. There are even female couples." Margarete seemed slightly less happy with this piece of news. Eike shrugged. "Some people today are just. attracted to people who are the same sex."
"Oh." Margarete was silent for a while, and they both began to work, glad for their thoughts to be distracted. Eike just prayed he wasn't going to be asked searching questions about this.
He didn't know why but for some reason it was strange for him to think of himself as homo-sexual. While he was quite sure Homunculus was male, it wasn't the same as thinking of him as human and male. Besides, it wasn't as if Eike had been attracted to guys at any time in his life. It had been just Homunculus, who seemed to be an interesting combination of both sexes when you looked at him. What was the word. androgynous? So did that really make Eike homo-sexual?
Feeling distinctly embarrassed at himself, and a little creeped out as well, Eike began working even harder than before.
//Work hard and the day will just fly by.//
*******
Homunculus knew what a decade in the mortal world felt like, and he swore to himself that this single day passed by as slowly as one before Eike finally walked in the door. He smiled at Eike's expression when he entered the house, which was surprised and curious at the same time. Homunculus was sitting on the middle step of the stairs, elbows on his knees, clearly waiting for Eike's arrival.
"Miss me?" Eike said teasingly.
Homunculus tilted his head to one side, the gold cuff on his ear catching the light and glinting in Eike's eyes so that he actually blinked and shielded his eyes from it. He glared at the djinn, who gave him an innocent smile.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you," he said accusingly.
"Always blaming me for everything. Haven't you ever heard of a coincidence, Eike?"
"I know you too well to believe in coincidences," Eike shot back. Then, setting a few books and other items on the ground he ascended the stairs until he could sit beside the djinn. "I brought some new stuff. Just books and all that. So you have something to do tomorrow when I'm gone. You look bored as hell."
"Hell would be an improvement," Homunculus said with cool cynicism. Then he tilted his body to rest his head on Eike's shoulder and shut his eyes contentedly. "Yes," he murmured after a few seconds.
Eike frowned. "'Yes' what?
"I missed you," Homunculus said. Although he couldn't see his face, he knew the blonde young man was smiling and feeling slightly flattered. "I wanted to speak with you. about a number of things."
Eike nodded. "Yeah. There's still stuff you need to tell me."
Homunculus sighed. "Not just about me, Eike. There are things about you. and about us and our future that have to be addressed tonight."
"What about me?" Eike asked, confused and worried.
Homunculus rose to his feet at this and gestured gracefully for Eike to follow him. They went into the living room and sat down on the couch together. The atmosphere was more tense than either of them wanted it to be, and Eike in particular was getting the feeling that something very bad was going to happen, but must be allowed to happen for both their sakes.
"So." Eike asked again, "What about me?"
"I debated as to whether I should tell you, Eike. Even after telling you that I knew I must I still have this feeling inside that wishes I did not have to. I can see from you face that you sense it too. I know it will change a lot for you. For both of us. But it is necessary that I tell you."
Eike didn't like the serious tone in which Homunculus was speaking. It only stirred the misgivings inside him even worse. Even the calm way Homunculus spoke unnerved him. It was the calm before the storm.
"I must ask something of you, before I go on," Homunculus was saying.
Eike nodded slowly, worry etched into his young face.
"You must listen to everything I tell you. Do not walk out of this room until I have told you everything. Take no hasty action and make no premature judgements on me. Just listen and, once I have finished, you may do whatever you wish."
"Will it make me want to walk out?" Eike asked nervously. "If you tell me. will I want to walk out?"
Homunculus shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't know. All I am sure of is that you will not like what I have to tell you. Whether you will dislike it enough to leave me, I don't know. But do you promise? You will listen to everything?"
"I promise," Eike said with slow deliberation, looking Homunculus straight in the eye as he did so, so the djinn could see he meant it.
Homunculus, satisfied by this, nodded and then took a deep breath. "Do you remember. in the time when your friend's wife was meant to be shot?"
Eike nodded, and then his eyes widened. "Oh my god. you. you didn't. it wasn't you that-"
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Homunculus chuckled. "We have been through this, Eike. It was not me that arranged the little shooting episode. It was simply an event in time which gave the opportunity to switch those two babies. I used the event to my advantage, but I did not orchestrate it."
Homunculus smiled at the relief on Eike's face. Then he waved away the apology that he saw forming on the young man's tongue.
"But that is not what I was referring to. It is the time when you came to speak to me there. Do you remember?"
"Sure. You told me about switching the babies."
"Yes. And do you remember what else? When you asked me if Margarete was your ancestress?"
Eike searched his memory for the exact words. "You said. something about. you said it was a good explanation for my involvement with the Wagner family. Something like that."
"Precisely. But. I never truly explained to you what your involvement was with them, did I."
It was not asked as a question, and Eike knew it was true. He had used what knowledge he could get to piece together all that had happened to all the people he had met and to himself, and the explanation that Margarete, or rather Dana, was his ancestress had seemed the only answer. But. now that he thought about it. Homunculus had never really confirmed that theory. He had merely termed it, 'the simplest explanation', as Eike remembered. Now that he recalled the djinn's words, he could remember how they were said. with that strange lilt in the voice which said that something else was not quite being revealed. and with that arrogant little smirk which said the djinn knew more than he was letting on.
"Homunculus." Eike said suddenly. "I. I don't understand what this has to do with you though. Well. apart from the obvious, I mean."
"You are related to that blonde girl, Eike," Homunculus said softly, no longer looking at the young man but at the ground, contemplating something. "And I'm afraid that it has everything to do with me. Everything you are has to do with me."
"I don't get it."
"No. Of course you don't. I have spent all day thinking of ways to explain it. but I know I will never find a good enough way. So I will speak plainly.
"I was summoned, after years of being trapped in oblivion, by Dr. Wagner. I appeared in that little basement lab before him, filled as ever with contempt and cruel thoughts of revenge on the human race. He was shocked at my manner, as they always were, and when I offered him his wish he cried out to his dead wife for forgiveness, thinking he had wasted his whole life searching for the artificial life, the Homunculus.
"I hurried him on. wanting his wish and my freedom again. When he finally gave it he asked for his youth and to be able to stay that age forever. I agreed to it. but wanted to twist it in some way. When I cast the spell I told him he had exactly what he wanted.
"I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
"He trapped me. He had laid out a pentagram on the ground, ready in case something had gone wrong in his experiment. In my rage at being trapped again I stole all his memories, and cursed him to walk the earth as a young man who, after a few years, would lose all his memories of people, places and things.
"Do you know how he knew to place the pentagram on the ground, Eike?"
Eike shook his head, honestly not having a single clue.
"You told him."
Eike stared at him, wide-eyed. "No I didn't. I never did anything like that. I mean. I gave him the stone but."
"Yes, Eike. But you also gave him a warning."
"No, I-"
"By 'you', Eike, I do not necessarily mean you as you are now. It was a you from another thread of time, who had a greater understanding of what I was. Who remembered that I seemed to shy away from that pentagram symbol on that book you once tried to give to me."
Eike nodded now. It made sense to him, after Homunculus's lectures about time and alternate threads of time. And of course, he did remember the djinn's reaction to that symbol. So. another Eike had acted upon that discovery and caused Homunculus' to be trapped in the stone again.
"But then. how did you escape and start manipulating me? If you were trapped in oblivion like before?"
"I didn't. I simply waited for your soul in oblivion. When I rescued you from your fate there was instantly the possibility that I could change time, using you, so that I would be free and Dr. Wagner would never have trapped me. Therefore I was able to take us both to my realm, and exercise my freedom as you saw me do throughout that day. The whole area of time that you experienced is simply one great big loop, and it would be useless to pin-point its beginning for you. All that you need to know is that, for us, it is over."
"What do you mean, 'for us'? Eike asked.
There was a sigh from the djinn before he went on. "When I twisted Dr. Wagner's wish. I saw, in his mind, an image of a young man whom he had met. Someone whom he said he had envied for his youth. So I gave him that young man's youthful appearance. Then took his memories.
"That young man, who had been Dr. Wagner, was now gifted with eternal youth. He wandered, as I had planned, through the world, every few years losing his memories. Then, one day. his memories are lost while he sits in a café. He walks out. has even forgotten what time it is and looks at his watch. He walks the streets of the small town when suddenly. for no reason at all it would appear. he is stabbed in the back at precisely 2:00 in the afternoon.
"Do you understand what I am telling you. Eike?"
Homunculus dared to glance at the young man's face, and saw that he had turned deathly pale. The realisation of what he had been told had slowly dawned on Eike throughout Homunculus' story. as Homunculus had begun to retell the fateful day they had gone through.
Which meant that the young man. who had been Dr. Wagner.
"No." Eike's single word came out in a barely audible whisper.
Homucnulus nodded. "You recall that I summoned a puppet to get rid of Hugo? And you remember. I told you Wagner was not dead and therefore I couldn't call up his spirit? And you worked your way through your destiny, ignorant of your true roll, both as my pawn and, in a way, the cause of everything that had happened. When you gave the Philosopher's Stone to Dr. Wagner. you gave it to yourself, Eike."
"And." Eike spoke in a strained voice as he struggled to understand the full weight of it all. "that means. they're my family, aren't they. Mar-. Dana and Hugo. and Helena."
Homunculus could see the pain in Eike's face, but he had to keep explaining.
"You summoned me. And I gave you eternal youth, and stole your memories in retaliation against you trapping me. The stone. you kept that with you, always. That one time in the café. you left it behind. You forgot you had it when you set it down on the table. You remembered the lighter was your though, didn't you. Because you only used that after you had lost your memories again."
Eike nodded. It made sense. How else could he explain that, no matter how hard he tried, he simply could not remember anything that had happened before that time. He vaguely remembered that he had been confused. He hadn't remembered walking into that café at all. He had searched his pockets, found his wallet and a lighter. a notebook. That much gave him a name. and told him a few things he was supposed to do that day. He remembered frowning at the unfamiliar name 'Eckhart'. wondering why he had to go down to some art museum to see him.
//That's why I forgot to go down there,// Eike thought. //That's why I had no idea why Dana thought the red stone was mine. That's why. all of this happened. Because. of me.//
A horrible sadness welled up inside Eike when guilt hit him with full force. It had been his fault then. It had been his desire to create the Homunculus that had brought all of this about. It was his fault that the lives of so many had been ruined. Because of him. familes had been torn apart. His own family.
Eike's silence. in some horrible way. frightened Homunculus more than any amount of screaming and crying ever could. He could see unparalled despair welling up in the man's eye's, and his own began to sting as he felt the guilt of his responsibility as well. Not just because of what had happened, but because of Eike now, looking as if his world had come crashing down around him.
His eyes blurred with unshed tears, until Eike was only a shadowy image to the djinn. Desperate to console the young man he loved so much, and desperate for forgiveness, Homunculus reached out a hand for him.
It never made contact. Homunculus only watched as the hazy image rose up, briefly towering over him, and then moved away and was gone completely. He didn't know what expression Eike wore on his face as he departed so silently. Did the djinn want to know what it was?
Bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, Homunculus curled himself into a ball, burying his face in his kness and containing his sobs as best he could as they rose from his chest, threatening to break free in a flood of wet tears and broken words of sorrow.
"Please." Homunculus murmured just before he broke down completely. "Please. not again."
Well. it didn't take me as long to update as I thought it would. Bit of a surprise for everyone, even me. ^_^ But here you go. a bit of everything in here but mostly angst, which I'm sure you'll all love (in a sense anyway). It's truth time. I hope I got all the stuff about time and the loop right. I anyone spots a hole in my theory about what happens in the game I'll try and correct it, unless it's so complicated it'll make my head fall off or something. Anyway. enjoy!
Resurrecting the Shadow of Memories
"If I speak I am condemned. If I stay silent I am damned."
It was going to be another long, tedious day, Homunculus realised when the door had shut behind Eike, and he gave a theatrical sigh to the world in general. He supposed he could go through Eike's rather limited collection of reading material, though what was worth reading he had already read before. Eike had decided earlier in the week, when the djinn had expressed his extreme boredom, who the television in the living room worked. Homunculus had tried watching it, and it had made him feel even more bored, and a little depressed. He was a demon after all, and wasn't supposed to be interested in the affairs of humankind.
This left little for him to do. He didn't want to return to his realm because there, time had little meaning, and he might loose track of it easily and return after what had seemed like five minutes to find that he had been gone for years. Eike probably wouldn't appreciate that.
So, Homunculus decided he would just lie and think about things. Going into the living room, he stretched out like a lazy cat on the couch, luminous red eyes staring at the ceiling dreamily as the djinn allowed thoughts to surface from deep inside him.
Despite his conviction when telling Eike he would relate the rest of his life story, and despite resolving himself to reveal to Eike the truth about who the young man was, or had been anyway, a strange sense of impending doom had begun to grow inside the djinn. He wondered if doing the right thing was always like this, with the conscience tugging you in two directions. He loved Eike, and wanted him to trust him. But was he risking their strange relationship this one time by revealing the truth. And would it be so bad to conceal the truth?
Homunculus shook his head. That wasn't the answer. He'd already decided that. Even if Eike's memory would erase itself after a few years, before the man began to ask questions that would still mean that Homunculus would lose him. He would have to go through the whole process of starting a relationship, which in his experience had been extremely complicated and, in many ways, painful.
But that would happen anyway really. The Eike Homunculus knew would be lost for good, and Homunculus was not prepared to let that happen. Perhaps he could think of a way to seal the memory of what they had been through, so that Eike would always know, in some innate way, that he and Homunculus were meant to be together. But that still wouldn't be the same. He will have lost all his memories of why they were together. Homunculus really had no intention of retelling /that/ tale, or the story of his past over and over again to the same person.
And of course they would want to preserve all the memories they would make in the future. What was the point of having a life to share with someone if you forgot every single detail after a few years?
But the consequences of being immortal, and remembering everything. No human could handle that kind of stress on their mind. Not forever anyway.
Homunculus smiled as an idea came to him out of the blue. He imagined him and Eike, going through their memories like a couple might go through a photo album. Then they would decide which ones they wanted to keep and which they would rather forget about. That way Eike's brain would never become overcrowded.
Homunculus' grin broadened, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Eike wasn't some kind of filing cabinet from which memories could be extracted. Every memory was important and taking things out would leave gaps, large or small. That in itself would take a serious toll on Eike's sanity. Besides, even bad memories had their lessons, as Homunculus himself had learned in his colourful lifetime.
He would have liked to discuss this with Eike, but knew the young man was busy working, and when he came home all he would want to hear was the rest of Homunculus' story.
Homunculus made a frustrated sound.
//Humans. they had to go and make everything so complicated.//
*******
Eike opened the door to the library and shouted for Margarete. After a few minutes he heard her voice in the room to his right and he followed the sound. She was standing on the ladder, apparently returning some books to their proper places.
"You're late," she said accusingly, before smiling to show she was joking.
"Sorry," Eike mumbled, putting on an exaggerated expression of hurt. Then he sighed and asked, "Busy already?"
"You can't imagine," she said, putting the last book in place and climbing down. "It wasn't so bad when father was here too."
Eike nodded. "How is the old guy?" he asked lightly. He was glad that, since Mr Eckhart's coming out of the coma and his remarkably quick recovery, he was able to mention the subject without the room filling with tension.
"I went to speak to him last night," Margarete was saying as he followed her through to the reception. "He's much better, though he says he misses my cooking."
"I can understand that," Eike said, thinking of the food in the hospital, which made even his food look tempting.
"He wants to know if you'd come and see him sometime. He has seen you since. before it happened."
"Yeah," Eike scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I guess I've been busy recently."
Margarete fixed with a look of amusement. "So.?"
Eike stared back at her. "So.?" he echoed her.
"Who is she?"
Eike frowned. "Who?"
"I'm not stupid, Eike. I know you're hiding someone back at home. You can't play innocent with me."
Eike stared at her. "I. err. how did you.?"
Margarete laughed at him and waved a hand dismissively in the air. "The way you look at your watch every five minutes wondering when you can get home. The way you rush out the door every day. It's blindingly obvious, you know."
Eike continued to stare. "Oh," he managed to murmur. He realised that he might be stuck explaining his rather strange circumstances to Margarete, who probably wouldn't be very pleased to hear that the being that had taken her 'brother' away and ruined her entire family was now living in Eike's house. "Well. actually."
Margarete giggled at him. "You've gone the funniest shade of pink, Eike. It's okay if you don't want to tell me about her yet."
Eike swallowed and, before he could stop himself said: "Him."
The look he got in return of this comment made him want to melt into a puddle and run off down a drain. He could actually feel the blood rushing to his face as he blushed furiously.
Margarete, still relatively new to some of the things that were accepted in this time, was confused.
"A 'he'? You're. I mean.. How is that.?"
Eike hastily tried to explain. "It's." What was he thinking? How was he supposed to explain this? "It's complicated," he said, giving up. "But it's not unusual for this time, you know."
"You mean. men can get married. to each other?" Margarete's voice was half filled with confusion and half full of fascination.
"I'm not sure about marriage," Eike said. "But. there are male couples around. There are even female couples." Margarete seemed slightly less happy with this piece of news. Eike shrugged. "Some people today are just. attracted to people who are the same sex."
"Oh." Margarete was silent for a while, and they both began to work, glad for their thoughts to be distracted. Eike just prayed he wasn't going to be asked searching questions about this.
He didn't know why but for some reason it was strange for him to think of himself as homo-sexual. While he was quite sure Homunculus was male, it wasn't the same as thinking of him as human and male. Besides, it wasn't as if Eike had been attracted to guys at any time in his life. It had been just Homunculus, who seemed to be an interesting combination of both sexes when you looked at him. What was the word. androgynous? So did that really make Eike homo-sexual?
Feeling distinctly embarrassed at himself, and a little creeped out as well, Eike began working even harder than before.
//Work hard and the day will just fly by.//
*******
Homunculus knew what a decade in the mortal world felt like, and he swore to himself that this single day passed by as slowly as one before Eike finally walked in the door. He smiled at Eike's expression when he entered the house, which was surprised and curious at the same time. Homunculus was sitting on the middle step of the stairs, elbows on his knees, clearly waiting for Eike's arrival.
"Miss me?" Eike said teasingly.
Homunculus tilted his head to one side, the gold cuff on his ear catching the light and glinting in Eike's eyes so that he actually blinked and shielded his eyes from it. He glared at the djinn, who gave him an innocent smile.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you," he said accusingly.
"Always blaming me for everything. Haven't you ever heard of a coincidence, Eike?"
"I know you too well to believe in coincidences," Eike shot back. Then, setting a few books and other items on the ground he ascended the stairs until he could sit beside the djinn. "I brought some new stuff. Just books and all that. So you have something to do tomorrow when I'm gone. You look bored as hell."
"Hell would be an improvement," Homunculus said with cool cynicism. Then he tilted his body to rest his head on Eike's shoulder and shut his eyes contentedly. "Yes," he murmured after a few seconds.
Eike frowned. "'Yes' what?
"I missed you," Homunculus said. Although he couldn't see his face, he knew the blonde young man was smiling and feeling slightly flattered. "I wanted to speak with you. about a number of things."
Eike nodded. "Yeah. There's still stuff you need to tell me."
Homunculus sighed. "Not just about me, Eike. There are things about you. and about us and our future that have to be addressed tonight."
"What about me?" Eike asked, confused and worried.
Homunculus rose to his feet at this and gestured gracefully for Eike to follow him. They went into the living room and sat down on the couch together. The atmosphere was more tense than either of them wanted it to be, and Eike in particular was getting the feeling that something very bad was going to happen, but must be allowed to happen for both their sakes.
"So." Eike asked again, "What about me?"
"I debated as to whether I should tell you, Eike. Even after telling you that I knew I must I still have this feeling inside that wishes I did not have to. I can see from you face that you sense it too. I know it will change a lot for you. For both of us. But it is necessary that I tell you."
Eike didn't like the serious tone in which Homunculus was speaking. It only stirred the misgivings inside him even worse. Even the calm way Homunculus spoke unnerved him. It was the calm before the storm.
"I must ask something of you, before I go on," Homunculus was saying.
Eike nodded slowly, worry etched into his young face.
"You must listen to everything I tell you. Do not walk out of this room until I have told you everything. Take no hasty action and make no premature judgements on me. Just listen and, once I have finished, you may do whatever you wish."
"Will it make me want to walk out?" Eike asked nervously. "If you tell me. will I want to walk out?"
Homunculus shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't know. All I am sure of is that you will not like what I have to tell you. Whether you will dislike it enough to leave me, I don't know. But do you promise? You will listen to everything?"
"I promise," Eike said with slow deliberation, looking Homunculus straight in the eye as he did so, so the djinn could see he meant it.
Homunculus, satisfied by this, nodded and then took a deep breath. "Do you remember. in the time when your friend's wife was meant to be shot?"
Eike nodded, and then his eyes widened. "Oh my god. you. you didn't. it wasn't you that-"
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Homunculus chuckled. "We have been through this, Eike. It was not me that arranged the little shooting episode. It was simply an event in time which gave the opportunity to switch those two babies. I used the event to my advantage, but I did not orchestrate it."
Homunculus smiled at the relief on Eike's face. Then he waved away the apology that he saw forming on the young man's tongue.
"But that is not what I was referring to. It is the time when you came to speak to me there. Do you remember?"
"Sure. You told me about switching the babies."
"Yes. And do you remember what else? When you asked me if Margarete was your ancestress?"
Eike searched his memory for the exact words. "You said. something about. you said it was a good explanation for my involvement with the Wagner family. Something like that."
"Precisely. But. I never truly explained to you what your involvement was with them, did I."
It was not asked as a question, and Eike knew it was true. He had used what knowledge he could get to piece together all that had happened to all the people he had met and to himself, and the explanation that Margarete, or rather Dana, was his ancestress had seemed the only answer. But. now that he thought about it. Homunculus had never really confirmed that theory. He had merely termed it, 'the simplest explanation', as Eike remembered. Now that he recalled the djinn's words, he could remember how they were said. with that strange lilt in the voice which said that something else was not quite being revealed. and with that arrogant little smirk which said the djinn knew more than he was letting on.
"Homunculus." Eike said suddenly. "I. I don't understand what this has to do with you though. Well. apart from the obvious, I mean."
"You are related to that blonde girl, Eike," Homunculus said softly, no longer looking at the young man but at the ground, contemplating something. "And I'm afraid that it has everything to do with me. Everything you are has to do with me."
"I don't get it."
"No. Of course you don't. I have spent all day thinking of ways to explain it. but I know I will never find a good enough way. So I will speak plainly.
"I was summoned, after years of being trapped in oblivion, by Dr. Wagner. I appeared in that little basement lab before him, filled as ever with contempt and cruel thoughts of revenge on the human race. He was shocked at my manner, as they always were, and when I offered him his wish he cried out to his dead wife for forgiveness, thinking he had wasted his whole life searching for the artificial life, the Homunculus.
"I hurried him on. wanting his wish and my freedom again. When he finally gave it he asked for his youth and to be able to stay that age forever. I agreed to it. but wanted to twist it in some way. When I cast the spell I told him he had exactly what he wanted.
"I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
"He trapped me. He had laid out a pentagram on the ground, ready in case something had gone wrong in his experiment. In my rage at being trapped again I stole all his memories, and cursed him to walk the earth as a young man who, after a few years, would lose all his memories of people, places and things.
"Do you know how he knew to place the pentagram on the ground, Eike?"
Eike shook his head, honestly not having a single clue.
"You told him."
Eike stared at him, wide-eyed. "No I didn't. I never did anything like that. I mean. I gave him the stone but."
"Yes, Eike. But you also gave him a warning."
"No, I-"
"By 'you', Eike, I do not necessarily mean you as you are now. It was a you from another thread of time, who had a greater understanding of what I was. Who remembered that I seemed to shy away from that pentagram symbol on that book you once tried to give to me."
Eike nodded now. It made sense to him, after Homunculus's lectures about time and alternate threads of time. And of course, he did remember the djinn's reaction to that symbol. So. another Eike had acted upon that discovery and caused Homunculus' to be trapped in the stone again.
"But then. how did you escape and start manipulating me? If you were trapped in oblivion like before?"
"I didn't. I simply waited for your soul in oblivion. When I rescued you from your fate there was instantly the possibility that I could change time, using you, so that I would be free and Dr. Wagner would never have trapped me. Therefore I was able to take us both to my realm, and exercise my freedom as you saw me do throughout that day. The whole area of time that you experienced is simply one great big loop, and it would be useless to pin-point its beginning for you. All that you need to know is that, for us, it is over."
"What do you mean, 'for us'? Eike asked.
There was a sigh from the djinn before he went on. "When I twisted Dr. Wagner's wish. I saw, in his mind, an image of a young man whom he had met. Someone whom he said he had envied for his youth. So I gave him that young man's youthful appearance. Then took his memories.
"That young man, who had been Dr. Wagner, was now gifted with eternal youth. He wandered, as I had planned, through the world, every few years losing his memories. Then, one day. his memories are lost while he sits in a café. He walks out. has even forgotten what time it is and looks at his watch. He walks the streets of the small town when suddenly. for no reason at all it would appear. he is stabbed in the back at precisely 2:00 in the afternoon.
"Do you understand what I am telling you. Eike?"
Homunculus dared to glance at the young man's face, and saw that he had turned deathly pale. The realisation of what he had been told had slowly dawned on Eike throughout Homunculus' story. as Homunculus had begun to retell the fateful day they had gone through.
Which meant that the young man. who had been Dr. Wagner.
"No." Eike's single word came out in a barely audible whisper.
Homucnulus nodded. "You recall that I summoned a puppet to get rid of Hugo? And you remember. I told you Wagner was not dead and therefore I couldn't call up his spirit? And you worked your way through your destiny, ignorant of your true roll, both as my pawn and, in a way, the cause of everything that had happened. When you gave the Philosopher's Stone to Dr. Wagner. you gave it to yourself, Eike."
"And." Eike spoke in a strained voice as he struggled to understand the full weight of it all. "that means. they're my family, aren't they. Mar-. Dana and Hugo. and Helena."
Homunculus could see the pain in Eike's face, but he had to keep explaining.
"You summoned me. And I gave you eternal youth, and stole your memories in retaliation against you trapping me. The stone. you kept that with you, always. That one time in the café. you left it behind. You forgot you had it when you set it down on the table. You remembered the lighter was your though, didn't you. Because you only used that after you had lost your memories again."
Eike nodded. It made sense. How else could he explain that, no matter how hard he tried, he simply could not remember anything that had happened before that time. He vaguely remembered that he had been confused. He hadn't remembered walking into that café at all. He had searched his pockets, found his wallet and a lighter. a notebook. That much gave him a name. and told him a few things he was supposed to do that day. He remembered frowning at the unfamiliar name 'Eckhart'. wondering why he had to go down to some art museum to see him.
//That's why I forgot to go down there,// Eike thought. //That's why I had no idea why Dana thought the red stone was mine. That's why. all of this happened. Because. of me.//
A horrible sadness welled up inside Eike when guilt hit him with full force. It had been his fault then. It had been his desire to create the Homunculus that had brought all of this about. It was his fault that the lives of so many had been ruined. Because of him. familes had been torn apart. His own family.
Eike's silence. in some horrible way. frightened Homunculus more than any amount of screaming and crying ever could. He could see unparalled despair welling up in the man's eye's, and his own began to sting as he felt the guilt of his responsibility as well. Not just because of what had happened, but because of Eike now, looking as if his world had come crashing down around him.
His eyes blurred with unshed tears, until Eike was only a shadowy image to the djinn. Desperate to console the young man he loved so much, and desperate for forgiveness, Homunculus reached out a hand for him.
It never made contact. Homunculus only watched as the hazy image rose up, briefly towering over him, and then moved away and was gone completely. He didn't know what expression Eike wore on his face as he departed so silently. Did the djinn want to know what it was?
Bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, Homunculus curled himself into a ball, burying his face in his kness and containing his sobs as best he could as they rose from his chest, threatening to break free in a flood of wet tears and broken words of sorrow.
"Please." Homunculus murmured just before he broke down completely. "Please. not again."