Mulch squinted at the sky. Good, it was cloudy and looked as if it was going to rain any minute. Dwarfs were incredibly sensitive toward sunlight, which was understandable, since they primarily spent their time underground, tunnelling for gold. Or in Mulch's case, stealing it. At any rate, Mulch felt that it was better to be safe than crispy-fried, and applied liberal amounts of sunblock on himself before setting out once more.
As he approached Fowl Manor, he was mentally composing his apology to Artemis.
"Um… you see… you gave me a note (which I ate) a year ago to pass you a medallion (which I sat on). So, remembering anything yet?"Even in his head it sounded asinine.
As the front gate loomed high above him, Mulch decided to use his personal back door instead. Unhinging his jaw, he launched himself into the earth.
*
"D'Arvit," Holly growled, as she struggled to shield. She really would have to complete the Ritual soon. The last time she went this long without the Ritual, she had found herself facing a troll (two times, by the way), kidnapped, and nearly killed by a bio-bomb. All courtesy of (who else?) Fowl, of course. Ignoring the possibility that a similar reception may be awaiting her this time around, she flew ahead on her mechanical wings, scouring the horizon for one Mulch Diggums.
*
Mulch appeared in a wine cellar. This was all so déjà vu, he thought to himself. He had come here through this self-same route before, to determine Holly's status, whether dead or alive. He carefully released all his gas first, although the last time the gas had proved rather helpful, knocking Butler unconscious. Dwarf gas was very powerful, and I don't just mean its smell. It can be known to travel at speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. That's like being hit by a car. A very, very smelly car.
Mulch picked the wine cellar door's lock and proceeded. He looked longingly at all the expensive items, but rather regretfully went to look for Artemis.
*
Artemis was in the kitchen, by the way. He was fixing himself a light snack, not wanting to trouble Butler, what with him being less fit than normal for some reason. Artemis was busy burning his omelette to a crisp when a short, stocky hooded person walked in.
"Hello, Artemis. Long time no see, huh?"
Artemis was shocked. His manor had all state of the art technology, with countless sums of money being spent to update it's defence. And now, a stranger waltzes in like he owns the place. Although that person did seem awfully familiar. And how did he know his name anyway?
Artemis quickly regained his composure. "May I request your name, please, monsieur? And perhaps ask of how you knew mine?" Artemis inquired, polite even to strange intruders.
Mulch decided to plunge right in. "Okay, Artemis, I know this will be hard to believe, but you were mind-wiped by the fairies. Remember? Or not, never mind. At any rate, I am your friend. Or used to be, before you were mind-"
Artemis raised one eyebrow sceptically and interrupted Mulch's babbling. "First of all, mind-wiping technology has not been invented yet, Mr…?"
"Diggums. Mulch Diggums."
Artemis frowned. The name seemed eerily familiar, as did almost everything nowadays. "And secondly, Mr Diggums, there are no such things as fairies."
"As I said, this will be hard to believe, but would you please trust me for once?" Mulch implored.
"Why should I? I don't know you, and your crackpot story certainly hasn't given me any reason to. But I will attempt to suspend my scepticism momentarily, just for the sake of argument."
"Okay, as I was saying, you were mind-wiped by the fairies. But you didn't want to be mind-wiped, see?" A drop of sweat trickles down his chin.. This wasn't going the way it was planned, though he hadn't plan it.
"I didn't?"
"Uh-huh. So you gave me a note before you were mind-wiped, asking me to keep a gold medallion and to give it back to you after a year."
"May I request to see this alleged note, and the alleged medallion?"
"Um… I ate the note so we would not be discovered. And I… Um… sat on the medallion." Mulch took out the remains of the disk. "It was a disk," he added brightly.
Artemis carefully examined the ex-disk. It appeared remarkably like the medallion in his pocket. He took it out.
"Aha! That's the original! That's the one Holly gave you!" Mulch pointed out, relieved.
Butler ran into the room, wheezing, Sig Sauer at the ready. "There's the intruder, Artemis. I don't know how he came in, but it definitely wasn't through the gate."
Artemis wasn't listening.
"To remind me?"
"Yes, to remind you that behind all those layers of deviousness, there is a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on that spark occasionally."
"Yes, perhaps."
Artemis shook his head to clear his mind. On one hand, this was absurd. On the other, it could fill in a few missing links in his memory…
Mulch tried to press on. "Remember, Artemis? Remember kidnapping Holly? Remember fighting the B'wa Kell? Remember Jon Spiro?"
Artemis awoke from his reverie with a start at the mention of Spiro's name. He shrugged it of as coincidence. After all, Spiro had recently publicly accuse Artemis of framing him. This Mulch could easily have used this information to his advantage. But Holly and the B'wa Kell seemed to be familiar… He thought about it for a while. And then he answered.
"You come here, with nothing to prove your identity or the fact that we met. You claim to have received a note and a disk from me, while both are conveniently destroyed. You talk of fairies, as though I am a child, still enthralled by the brothers' Grim and Walt Disney." Artemis shook his head slowly. "I am sorry, Mr. Diggums, but I cannot bring myself to believe your story, as much as I may want to. You may go."
Mulch's heart sank. "There's nothing I can do to convince you?" He asked desperately.
"Produce this fabled note and a repaired disk," said Artemis with a slight smile. 'Or perhaps another fairy," he added as an afterthought.
Mulch sighed. "Good bye, Artemis. Don't worry, I'll see myself out."
"Good bye, Mulch. I'm sorry."
*
Holly continued her desperate race against time, still searching for any sign of Mulch.
"D'Arvit." The manor already was looming in the horizon. Mulch would definitely have tunnelled in by now. Then she saw a very miserable looking dwarf emerging from a hole in the ground. She was definitely too late, then. She zoomed in on the dwarf to grill him for all the details. By hook or by crook, she added grimly.
*
He had blown it. He, Mulch Diggums, had blown it. Besides feeling the pang of missing out on all that gold waiting to be exploited with Artemis, he found he genuinely missed the Fowl boy and wished him back. He had walked some way before seeing a very irate Captain Holly Short materialise before him, charging up a buzz baton.
"Hello, Captain. Nice day for a walk, isn't it?"
"Quit it with the pleasantries, Mulch. What did you tell Artemis?" Holly growled, raising the buzz baton threateningly.
"Oh, only everything." He said, his mind still on the previous conversation with Artemis. It was doomed from the start, he reasoned, what with there being no disk and no note.
"Everything! Oh no…" she moaned. She was too late. Root was going to have her badge by the end of the day. She, Holly Short, aided by state of the art mechanical wings, had been outraced by a fat dwarf and his big mouth. And now Fowl remembered. She was dead.
Mulch suddenly had a brain wave.
"Well, the good news for you is that he didn't believe me."
"He didn't?" she said hopefully.
"Nope. But the disk- you do know about the disk, right? –is with him." Mulched smirked. "He mentioned checking it out soon." Mulched buffed his nails casually, surreptitiously watching her reaction.
Holly didn't waste another second throttling the dwarf and raced to Fowl Manor. If she stopped Artemis from reading the contents of that disk, she had a chance.
*
Mulch tutted as he watched Holly shield again. Well, he didn't technically lie to her, he merely bent the truth a little. He smirked. Artemis wasn't the only one who had bright ideas.
Hopefully Fowl would get a glimpse of her and experience total recall. After all, it was difficult for even Holly Short to get in and out the Fowl Manor while escaping all notice. And besides, Artemis still had that powerful, high resolution, stile by stile camera lying in wait. And Holly had fallen for it.
Mulch tried to suppress a grin. If she tried to stop Artemis from reading the contents of that disk, he had a chance.