The Missing Link
"You're joking."
"I assure you, I am not, Captain," replied Artemis coolly.
"There is no way I'm doing this, Mud Weasel. No way." Holly said flatly.
Artemis's expression was slightly pained. "You have to, Captain. You have the wings."
"You do it, then. Here, take them," she offered.
Artemis blanched slightly before recovering his composure. "I believe you are most appropriate for the job. You know how to handle the wings best, and you are the lightest here," he said hastily, before she could get any ideas.
"This is the most asinine plan I have ever heard, Fowl. Are you getting this, Foaly?" Holly asked plaintively.
Artemis stiffened slightly. Being linked in any way to asininity was a new experience for him.
Foaly cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Strange as it may seem, his idea does seem to make sense, Holly. Maybe you should try it."
"I have calculated to the best of my ability, and this appears to be the only viable course of action available to us." Artemis added.
"Yeah, just try it, Holly," chipped in Juliet.
"Or are you afraid?" Smirked Mulch.
"Hmm, let me think. I am going to fly with my wings and hover over the Semtex, and disable them with some weird chemical Fowl gave me-
"Polymethane-fluoride, Captain." Artemis interrupted wearily. "It is a super-reactive substance that will act as an oxidising agent-"
"-while not getting blown up. Of course I am afraid, you idiot," Holly retorted sarcastically. "Why don't I go investigate on my own and leave you all here for me to pick up later? I can fly past the bombs, no problem," she asked.
"-for almost any compound." Artemis sighed. "And Captain, we've been through this before. You could go on your own, but could you face any further booby traps lying in wait?"
Holly's face tensed. "May I remind you, Fowl, that I am a fully trained LEP captain, and all that entails. I have sufficient training to-"
"So says the Captain who was about to walk headfirst into a land mine just previously," muttered Artemis under his breath.
Holly's countenance darkened considerably. If looks could kill, Artemis would be a limpid pile of liquefied mush right now.
"So will you do it, Captain?" enquired Artemis, an eyebrow cocked.
"Do I have a choice, Mud Boy?" Holly asked a tad grumpily.
"No, I suppose you really don't, unless you wish to turn your back on a LEP mission which you were assigned." Artemis answered calmly.
"Just. Shut. Up. Not a word, Fowl." Holly warned, gritting her teeth. Artemis was all the more annoying when he was right.
"Very well, we shall proceed, then."
*
"Remind me to kill you, Fowl," Holly growled.
"I'll put it on my 'to do' list," Artemis answered wryly.
Holly was busy hovering above the named location of Semtex.
"It's underneath the tiles, Mud boy. How do you expect me to dump your 'Poly whatchamacallit over it?"
"First of all, its Polymethane-fluoride, Holly. And secondly, you will need to pry off the floorboards," was Artemis's answer.
"Pry off the-? D'Arvit. How do you expect me to pry off the frickin floorboards without blowing myself up, you idiot?" Holly swore violently.
"I have the utmost confidence in your abilities, Holly," Artemis replied, cool as the proverbial cucumber.
Holly swore again.
"Besides, I'm almost positive Foaly has something for the job," added Artemis.
"All you had to do was ask, Holly," Foaly chipped in, sounding slightly injured.
"What do you have, Foaly?" Holly asked brusquely.
"You're not being very gracious," sulked Foaly.
"Foaly." Holly said menacingly.
"Okay, okay, don't blow you fuse. Included in your field kit is the brand new 'Dismantler'!" Foaly announced.
"Dismantler?" Holly voiced incredulously.
"Hey, we centaurs never claimed to be creative, just intelligent," Foaly replied defensively.
"Whatever. What does it do?"
The floorboards are held together with nails, right? And if it not held together chemically, the Dismantler can, well, dismantle it. Impressed, folks?" Foaly asked brightly.
"Not particularly," Holly growled, obviously in a foul mood.
"Foaly ignored her jibe. "Just put the flat side on the attached areas and press the button. Is that simple enough for you?"
Now it was Holly's turn to ignore him. She did as she was told, and true to Foaly's assurance, it lay dismantled in a matter of seconds.
"Voila," breathed Foaly.
Holly poured on the chemical. It sizzled as it touched the Semtex.
"Now throw something on it," urged Artemis.
She thought about dumping the boy headfirst, but regretfully dropped the notion. She took the floorboard, broke it in two, and threw it on the Semtex, hoping fervently that Fowl was right.
Holly closed her eyes and ears, wondering briefly if this was the end. The floorboard dropped dutifully on the Semtex, but no explosion was heard, nor searing pain felt. Holly tentatively opened one eye.
"Safe, Captain. Nothing to fret your pointy ears about," Artemis smirked.
Holly let that pass.
A few minutes later, all the Semtex was done and dealt with.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Lets go," Holly asked impatiently.
*
So they got past the Semtex, mused Felix. Not bad. But this trail wouldn't lead them anywhere. He was sure of it.
*
"I feel that we have come to the last of the booby traps, Holly," Artemis stated.
"So I could have just flown over the Semtex?" Holly queried disbelivingly.
"It would appear so," admitted Artemis.
Holly levelled a glare at him.
"It's not my fault, Holly," Artemis protested.
"Oh, really? You-"
"Shouldn't we be investigating?" Butler interrupted mildly. "That's unless, of course, you two wish to kill each other."
"I wouldn't mind," Holly said fervently.
"Ah, perhaps that is not the best of suggestions, Butler. Yes, let us investigate."
Artemis began poking around.
"Hmm, it looks like our opponent is quite thorough. Not much of a trace is left." Artemis said.
"You mean to say," Holly fumed, "that this whole trip was for nothing?"
"Maybe not, Holly. Give me a moment."
Artemis knelt down.
"What, Mud Boy, praying now?" asked Holly sarcastically. "A bit too late, considering your less than holy life."
"I am searching, Captain," Artemis replied icily.
"These floorboards are new. Pass me the dismantler, Holly."
Holly did as she was told.
Artemis removed a few floorboards and began fishing around.
"There," he said triumphantly, holding out a charred scrap.
"I hope that's not the sprite," Foaly commented wryly.
"That's morbid, Foaly. No, it's the remains of a suitcase. The floorboards were newly done to replace the old ones, which were damaged in the explosion. Obviously a few pieces would have escaped removal in the process," Artemis answered. "From here we can analyse the material using a DNA scan at my lab, and hopefully identify the perpetrator."
"Nice work, Fowl," said Foaly impressed.
"Thank you. I believe our work here is done."
"With you around?" Holly snorted.
Artemis looked as though he was about to retort, but dropped the matter.
*
Felix slammed his fist down on his varnished mahogany table. Foiled! Due to an instance of laxity! An underling would be missing his skin this time tomorrow, he thought grimly. That thought cheered him up a little.
Well, if he was expecting guests, he would have to make the necessary preparations. No gracious host would do less. He would be prepared indeed for this impertinent group. He doubted they would survive his warm welcome. They rarely did.
He took out another Cuban cigar and lighted it.
"Miss Dana, please buzz Mr. James through and ask him to stop by my office. And ask my security to bring a peeler. Yes, a peeler."
"You're joking."
"I assure you, I am not, Captain," replied Artemis coolly.
"There is no way I'm doing this, Mud Weasel. No way." Holly said flatly.
Artemis's expression was slightly pained. "You have to, Captain. You have the wings."
"You do it, then. Here, take them," she offered.
Artemis blanched slightly before recovering his composure. "I believe you are most appropriate for the job. You know how to handle the wings best, and you are the lightest here," he said hastily, before she could get any ideas.
"This is the most asinine plan I have ever heard, Fowl. Are you getting this, Foaly?" Holly asked plaintively.
Artemis stiffened slightly. Being linked in any way to asininity was a new experience for him.
Foaly cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Strange as it may seem, his idea does seem to make sense, Holly. Maybe you should try it."
"I have calculated to the best of my ability, and this appears to be the only viable course of action available to us." Artemis added.
"Yeah, just try it, Holly," chipped in Juliet.
"Or are you afraid?" Smirked Mulch.
"Hmm, let me think. I am going to fly with my wings and hover over the Semtex, and disable them with some weird chemical Fowl gave me-
"Polymethane-fluoride, Captain." Artemis interrupted wearily. "It is a super-reactive substance that will act as an oxidising agent-"
"-while not getting blown up. Of course I am afraid, you idiot," Holly retorted sarcastically. "Why don't I go investigate on my own and leave you all here for me to pick up later? I can fly past the bombs, no problem," she asked.
"-for almost any compound." Artemis sighed. "And Captain, we've been through this before. You could go on your own, but could you face any further booby traps lying in wait?"
Holly's face tensed. "May I remind you, Fowl, that I am a fully trained LEP captain, and all that entails. I have sufficient training to-"
"So says the Captain who was about to walk headfirst into a land mine just previously," muttered Artemis under his breath.
Holly's countenance darkened considerably. If looks could kill, Artemis would be a limpid pile of liquefied mush right now.
"So will you do it, Captain?" enquired Artemis, an eyebrow cocked.
"Do I have a choice, Mud Boy?" Holly asked a tad grumpily.
"No, I suppose you really don't, unless you wish to turn your back on a LEP mission which you were assigned." Artemis answered calmly.
"Just. Shut. Up. Not a word, Fowl." Holly warned, gritting her teeth. Artemis was all the more annoying when he was right.
"Very well, we shall proceed, then."
*
"Remind me to kill you, Fowl," Holly growled.
"I'll put it on my 'to do' list," Artemis answered wryly.
Holly was busy hovering above the named location of Semtex.
"It's underneath the tiles, Mud boy. How do you expect me to dump your 'Poly whatchamacallit over it?"
"First of all, its Polymethane-fluoride, Holly. And secondly, you will need to pry off the floorboards," was Artemis's answer.
"Pry off the-? D'Arvit. How do you expect me to pry off the frickin floorboards without blowing myself up, you idiot?" Holly swore violently.
"I have the utmost confidence in your abilities, Holly," Artemis replied, cool as the proverbial cucumber.
Holly swore again.
"Besides, I'm almost positive Foaly has something for the job," added Artemis.
"All you had to do was ask, Holly," Foaly chipped in, sounding slightly injured.
"What do you have, Foaly?" Holly asked brusquely.
"You're not being very gracious," sulked Foaly.
"Foaly." Holly said menacingly.
"Okay, okay, don't blow you fuse. Included in your field kit is the brand new 'Dismantler'!" Foaly announced.
"Dismantler?" Holly voiced incredulously.
"Hey, we centaurs never claimed to be creative, just intelligent," Foaly replied defensively.
"Whatever. What does it do?"
The floorboards are held together with nails, right? And if it not held together chemically, the Dismantler can, well, dismantle it. Impressed, folks?" Foaly asked brightly.
"Not particularly," Holly growled, obviously in a foul mood.
"Foaly ignored her jibe. "Just put the flat side on the attached areas and press the button. Is that simple enough for you?"
Now it was Holly's turn to ignore him. She did as she was told, and true to Foaly's assurance, it lay dismantled in a matter of seconds.
"Voila," breathed Foaly.
Holly poured on the chemical. It sizzled as it touched the Semtex.
"Now throw something on it," urged Artemis.
She thought about dumping the boy headfirst, but regretfully dropped the notion. She took the floorboard, broke it in two, and threw it on the Semtex, hoping fervently that Fowl was right.
Holly closed her eyes and ears, wondering briefly if this was the end. The floorboard dropped dutifully on the Semtex, but no explosion was heard, nor searing pain felt. Holly tentatively opened one eye.
"Safe, Captain. Nothing to fret your pointy ears about," Artemis smirked.
Holly let that pass.
A few minutes later, all the Semtex was done and dealt with.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Lets go," Holly asked impatiently.
*
So they got past the Semtex, mused Felix. Not bad. But this trail wouldn't lead them anywhere. He was sure of it.
*
"I feel that we have come to the last of the booby traps, Holly," Artemis stated.
"So I could have just flown over the Semtex?" Holly queried disbelivingly.
"It would appear so," admitted Artemis.
Holly levelled a glare at him.
"It's not my fault, Holly," Artemis protested.
"Oh, really? You-"
"Shouldn't we be investigating?" Butler interrupted mildly. "That's unless, of course, you two wish to kill each other."
"I wouldn't mind," Holly said fervently.
"Ah, perhaps that is not the best of suggestions, Butler. Yes, let us investigate."
Artemis began poking around.
"Hmm, it looks like our opponent is quite thorough. Not much of a trace is left." Artemis said.
"You mean to say," Holly fumed, "that this whole trip was for nothing?"
"Maybe not, Holly. Give me a moment."
Artemis knelt down.
"What, Mud Boy, praying now?" asked Holly sarcastically. "A bit too late, considering your less than holy life."
"I am searching, Captain," Artemis replied icily.
"These floorboards are new. Pass me the dismantler, Holly."
Holly did as she was told.
Artemis removed a few floorboards and began fishing around.
"There," he said triumphantly, holding out a charred scrap.
"I hope that's not the sprite," Foaly commented wryly.
"That's morbid, Foaly. No, it's the remains of a suitcase. The floorboards were newly done to replace the old ones, which were damaged in the explosion. Obviously a few pieces would have escaped removal in the process," Artemis answered. "From here we can analyse the material using a DNA scan at my lab, and hopefully identify the perpetrator."
"Nice work, Fowl," said Foaly impressed.
"Thank you. I believe our work here is done."
"With you around?" Holly snorted.
Artemis looked as though he was about to retort, but dropped the matter.
*
Felix slammed his fist down on his varnished mahogany table. Foiled! Due to an instance of laxity! An underling would be missing his skin this time tomorrow, he thought grimly. That thought cheered him up a little.
Well, if he was expecting guests, he would have to make the necessary preparations. No gracious host would do less. He would be prepared indeed for this impertinent group. He doubted they would survive his warm welcome. They rarely did.
He took out another Cuban cigar and lighted it.
"Miss Dana, please buzz Mr. James through and ask him to stop by my office. And ask my security to bring a peeler. Yes, a peeler."