DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing.
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 9
Ninja Nightmare, What a Trip!
Dr. Tofu ran through the streets wielding his magic chainsaw and riding his new stolen motorcycle! The one he'd just stolen, it came complete with a leather jacket and cowboy boots. Of course he'd had to scare a fat biker out of them, but hey, a free deal was a free deal.
"I am Tofu! I am brave!"
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"I am handsome!" Tofu continued.
"Sure ya are." The chainsaw said.
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"And I am worthy of Kasumi's love!"
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"They're cheering for ya!" The Chainsaw said. "Oh! Wait! Pedestrian, hold me out! Hold me out! Buzzzzz!"
Ryoga was angry now. He had to wake Nabiki! He did the only thing he could do, he bit her hand! CHOMP!
"AAIEEE!" Nabiki cried, jumping up and throwing Ryoga at the wall. He bounced back off the wall, hit the shelf, bounced off that and then the desk, bounced off that and hit the lamp, bounced off that and hit Nabiki in the face. All in all the room was, once again, trashed.
The two ninjas were fast asleep.
Nabiki looked drowsy too.
'Nabiki!' Ryoga thought. 'Please, turn me to human again!'
"Mm . . . hey!" Nabiki said. "This little piggy stayed home!"
'What?'
"Ryoga, breathe deep, seek peace man!"
'Is she getting high?' Ryoga frowned. 'Idiot girl!' He bit her hand again.
"AAHHH!" She threw him at the wall, he bounced again. Then he hit her head again, she fell back into her bed. "Ouch!" She cried. "Hey! Ryoga, what are you . . . who's lying on my floor? Is it those ninja losers? Oh great, look at my room now!"
'Oh thank god she's back to normal!' Ryoga thought.
"I'll be kicking some one's butt . . . as soon as I'm done sleeping . . ." She fell back into bed and went to sleep.
P-Chan heard the door open, he realized now that the defense of the Tendo family rested on HIS shoulders alone!
"SSQQUUUEEEEE!" He cried, charging off to fight the ninjas. He ended up in Nabiki's panty drawer with a sleeping Happi.
The ten Ninjas entered the house, deactivated their sleeping gas machine since they were fairly sure Todd had been an idiot and gone in without a gas mask. They were surprised to see a Panda waiting for them. They managed to put it out of their way by shooting it in the butt with several tranquilizer darts. The Panda growled at them as if to say "What's yer problem" then went to sleep.
They were about to go about the task of killing everyone off when they heard some one scream "I AM TOFU! HEAR ME ROAR!" And they heard the roar of a motorcycle.
Nabiki slept fitfully after Ryoga had so rudely awoken her. Her dreams were filled with tiny black piglets eating money out of troths. Billions of yen and the pigs were just eating it! Nabiki struggled and tried to get to them, but her legs were like led weights, they moved slowly, and no matter how fast she tried to run, or how long she ran the pigs never got closer.
"Stop it you little idiots! Don't eat that! I'll buy you REAL food if you let me have that! Stop it you twits!"
Then there was just one pig. A cute little black piglet with a bandanna tied around his neck. He sat patiently staring at her, waiting for her to come to him. Everything else had disappeared and become shadow.
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted. "Where'd the money go?"
"Oh Charlotte!" Azure or whatever her name was lunged for the little pig. "Him comes home with Azusa!" The girl cried.
"No! No you can't have him!" Nabiki whined, her legs had stopped moving all together. "He's mine! He belongs to me! Tell her Ryoga! You're mine, you signed the contract!"
"Oink?" The pig oinked.
"Charlotte says you're a bad person. And you treat Charlotte badly. Whittle Azusa gets to take Charlotte home because Azusa won't be mean to Charlotte!"
"Bite her hand Ryoga!" Nabiki cried. "You belong to me!"
"And why is that?" Ryoga asked. The actual Ryoga walked out of the shadows and stood not even three feet from Nabiki. And yet no matter how hard she tried she couldn't reach him, it just didn't make sense! "Because you gave me an overpriced pair of pants? Or because you gave me relationship advice that I didn't even use? Or would it be because you promised not to tell Akane about me?"
"Pick one!" Nabiki snapped.
"Akane already knows." Ryoga shrugged.
"That's right!" Akane snapped. She appeared too and wrapped her arms around Ryoga protectively. "You evil, wicked woman! How dare you cheat on Ryoga!"
"That again?" Nabiki glared at her sister.
"Ryoga told me everything, and now I'm madly in love with him!"
"That makes about as much sense as Azusa's sentences!" Nabiki snapped.
"Don't forget Azusa has your piggy!" Azusa sneered. "Him comes home with me!"
"Shut up!" Nabiki snapped. "Akane, get off Ryoga! He belongs to me!"
"I'm not property." Ryoga shrugged. "You'd sell me out if you got a good enough offer."
"So?" Nabiki demanded. She was starting to feel strange. What was this feeling? Fear? No matter how hard she tried she couldn't move her legs, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get her hands on Ryoga, or more specifically his neck. It was like being paralyzed, she couldn't move at all!
"Good bye Nabiki, Ryoga and I are going on our honeymoon. But you can have Ranma if you like."
"Yeah, after all, I need a replacement for Akane on my list of possible bed warmers." Ranma said, giving Nabiki the thumbs up.
"AAHHHH!" Nabiki woke up screaming. She thrashed around, relieved to have use of her body back, and making sure that it worked properly. She hit several things as she did this. All of them people.
"Ouch!" Akane cried.
"Oh dear, that hurt!" Kasumi said sadly.
"She scratched me!" Ranma snapped.
Nabiki got hold of something round. She opened her eyes and looked at it . . . it was Happi's head. "Ugh!" She grunted in horror and threw the little man at the wall, with a splat he slid slowly to the ground, his face now flattened.
"Nabiki!" Akane cried. "Stop! You're safe! The ninjas didn't get us thanks to Dr. Tofu!"
Nabiki slowed her thoughts to a crawl for a moment. Then looked around the room at the several wounded people. Her father had a bruise on his right eye.
"What happened to your eye Daddy?" Nabiki asked. "Did you guys fight off the ninjas?"
"No!" Soun wept. "You kept kicking your legs in your sleep and trying to strangle something, and when uncle Saotome and I tried to carry you down stairs you kicked me in the eye!"
"That's Ryoga's fault! If he'd just let me strangle him-"
"Nabiki!" Akane gasped. "*That's* what you two are into?"
"What? What!" Nabiki cried. "Ryoga and I aren't a couple, get over it!"
"Where did Ryoga go anyway?" Akane asked, petting P-Chan.
"Where was the pig?" Nabiki demanded.
"In your panty drawer. The old master was attempting to pack as many pairs onto the poor creature's back as he could and make a mad dash." Soun said.
"What was the pig doing in my drawer!" Nabiki exclaimed. Silently she said 'I'll make you sorry for that Ryoga you pervert!'
"Happosai probably dragged him up there." Akane said defensively. "But I asked, what happened to Ryoga?"
"Oh he's probably right under your nose." Ranma mumbled.
"Are you okay now Nabiki?" Soun asked.
"Of course I am! Why is everyone gathered around me?"
"We were just worried." Kasumi said.
"Why did you drag me out of my room?" Nabiki demanded.
"Because we heard you moaning in your sleep and Cologne said you were having evil dreams and we had to bring you down here so she could perform the ritual to remove the ghost from your body." Kasumi kindly explained.
"And where is Cologne?" Nabiki demanded.
"She's in the fridge, she got hungry and said she'd take care of you later." Kasumi said it as if it were so normal.
"Why is she here at all?"
"She had to take care of the spell that was on Dr. Tofu's chainsaw, so that it'd stop talking to him." Ranma scoffed.
"And where is Tofu?" Nabiki demanded.
"Oh, well the police dragged him off for theft, armed assault and because he was wearing a mask at the time and they thought he might be one of the ninjas. But he did save us all from the ninjas, so I'm sure they will let him off light. Perhaps a night in prison and a slap on the wrist is the worst he'll get." Kasumi said casually.
Nabiki frowned. "You people make me sick." She mumbled. "Akane, hand me that pig, I've got things to do, and places to go, and not to mention alleged boyfriends to brutally murder."
"And you need P-Chan for that?" Akane asked.
"I'm taking P-Chan to . . . eh . . . to be my carrier pigeon, in case I need to send a message home quickly."
"Sure!" Ranma said. "And when you let the piggy go it'll come straight back to us with your message . . . in about two weeks!"
Nabiki shot Ranma a deadly glare. "Silence you!" She snapped. "I've gotta go, bye now!" She said, grabbing the pig from Akane who was too surprised to argue. She rushed off to the washroom and poured hot water on Ryoga. She quickly threw him some cloths and said "C'mon, we've got places to go, move it!"
"What places?" Ryoga protested.
"I'll tell you when we get there!"
"Why do I have to come?"
"So Akane doesn't think I'm cheating on you again!"
"Why do you care what she thinks?"
"Just c'mon! I'll let you buy yourself a hotdog!"
"Yay! Hey . . . wait a minute!"
Nabiki came home late that night. She was exhausted, but at least she'd finally gotten her roll of film developed. Poor Ryoga. Ignorance is such bliss, he now slept peacefully as P-Chan in Akane's bed . . . Nabiki shuddered at that thought. Ryoga was with Akane, and not her. And yet why should that bother her? The fact was a boy, currently trapped in a pig's body, was sharing a bed with her little sister! So why wasn't she disgusted? She was angry, but she wasn't sure why.
Nabiki shook her head and sighed. "I'll figure it out later." She decided. She looked at the photos she'd taken of her poor slave boy. He certainly was photogenic, she could send these in to a magazine . . . in fact that'd be a perfect threat when the time came. Nabiki shook her head. The power she was capable of, she scared herself at times.
She heard a scratching sound coming down the hallway, so she quickly shoved the pictures and the others that the film had developed (five pictures of female Ranma doing . . . stuff. And five pictures of Akane working out, along with a nice snap shot of the whole family, minus Nabiki who'd taken the picture when Akane, Daddy and Kasumi weren't expecting it.
Nabiki sighed with relief when she saw P-Chan moving through the hallways. She walked out to the pig, who gave her a "eat crap and die" look when she picked him up.
"Bored with Akane, are you?" Nabiki smiled.
"Ernk!" P-Chan said.
"Well, you know you can always hang out with me." Nabiki said sweetly. "Or were you trying to turn into a human?"
P-Chan nodded vigorously. Nabiki grinned. "Well you can do that tomorrow morning. C'mon, lets get some sleep." She said.
"K-KEEE! K-KEEE!" P-Chan howled like a toddler throwing a fit. Nabiki played her trump card, kissing the piglet on the snout. That shut him up. He became a statue, a blushing piglet statue. But the effect was temporary, Ryoga began throwing a fit again, attacking the pillow with extreme prejudice.
Finally Nabiki sighed, took him into the wash room and quickly prepared some hot water to throw on him. Ryoga leapt headfirst into the bucket, and became a human . . . with a bucket on his head.
"Rhy rhonted who alk who shu!" Ryoga said from under the bucket.
"Put some cloths on, sweetie." Nabiki said, offering him a pair of pants, which of course he couldn't see.
Ryoga forced the bucket off his head, and shook it. "Nabiki! I have to talk to you!" He said as he pulled his pants on. "It's important!"
"Okay, talk." Nabiki said with a shrug.
"Ranma and Akane are going to be at the show! I was in Akane's room, and Ranma told Akane he's got something to show her that she'll never forget. And he winked at me! I'm scared Nabiki!"
"So? They're engaged Ryoga, they're allowed to go on dates."
"Nabiki, Ranma knows about my curse and has been trying to indirectly expose me ever since Akane adopted me!" Ryoga said. "I can't let Akane know about me!"
Nabiki frowned. "Are you asking me for advice?"
"Yes."
"I see . . ." Nabiki shook her head. "I'll have a talk with Ranma." Nabiki said. "I'll make sure he doesn't try anything."
"What if he does?" Ryoga whispered. "And Akane learns about me?"
"Then at least you won't have to be my slave anymore." Nabiki offered. Ryoga frowned at her, and then Nabiki made a major mistake. What she said next came without any pre-thought, she simply said it. "Would it be so bad if Akane found out?"
This set Ryoga off. He gave her a long list of reasons that Akane could never know, most of them involved his glass heart being shattered, and how Akane would never want to see him again, how he'd never be able to face her, how he'd never be able to apologize enough, or explain himself to Soun or anyone else for that matter.
This annoyed the middle Tendo girl. "Listen here bucko, if my sister excommunicated you, I'd still be your friend y'know! I know about your secret and I let you sleep in my bed anyway! It doesn't bother me! Akane may be a violent maniac, but I think she'll understand." Nabiki said.
Akane waited outside the washroom, really needing to use it. Of course when she heard the conversation going on inside . . .
"Soun is going to kill me if he ever finds out! And I bet Genma will help!" Ryoga said. "And I'd never be able to look Kasumi in the face again, and Akane, Akane would-"
"Listen here bucko, if my sister excommunicated you, I'd still be your friend y'know!" Nabiki hissed. "I know about your secret and I let you sleep in my bed anyway! It doesn't bother me!"
Akane gasped. Ryoga and Nabiki were sleeping together?
"Akane may be a violent maniac, but I think she'll understand." Nabiki said more softly.
Akane forced the door open and walked in on a surprised Nabiki, and a half-dressed Ryoga. "Of course I understand!" She cried. "It's okay Ryoga, really!"
"It . . . it is?" Ryoga whispered in shock.
"Sure! And we don't have to tell daddy, what he doesn't know, won't hurt him, right Nabiki?" Akane asked, winking at her sister, who just shrugged.
"Wow . . . I never thought you'd be so understanding. If I'd know I'd have let Ranma expose this whole thing months ago!" Ryoga said.
"Ranma knew?" Akane gasped. "And he didn't tell me? For months?"
"He tried." Nabiki said.
"Well . . . I guess you two will be wanting to go off to sleep eh?" Akane asked.
"Eh . . . well no, I mean yes, but I think I'll sleep on the couch if it's all the same to you." Ryoga said.
"Sounds great, I'll go with you, to make sure you get there." Nabiki yawned.
Akane smiled. Her sister had finally found some one worthy of one of the Tendo Daughters! Akane only wished *she* would some day be so lucky.
Ryoga was shocked. "I can't believe she took it so well." He said.
"I'll admit, I'm surprised too." Nabiki said. She squeezed Ryoga's hand, though she didn't know why she did it.
Ryoga frowned at her, and said "Nabiki, this doesn't look like the living room." He said. "And that doesn't look like the couch."
"Really? I must have gotten lost. You're rubbing off on me." Nabiki grinned wickedly.
"In fact, I'm no expert, but I'd say this is your bed room."
"Is it?" Nabiki asked, closing the door behind her.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is!" Ryoga said, oblivious to the danger.
Nabiki snuck up behind him with a cold glass of water. She lunged forward, Ryoga's spider sense kicked in again and he tried to dodge her, but she threw the water and caught him. She grabbed the angry little piglet and carried it into bed with her. "G'night Ryoga!"
The pig was oinking up a storm, no doubt demanding to know why she'd done that. Nabiki had to admit she wasn't entirely sure herself. She'd just wanted him with her tonight and there would be fewer questions asked if her father walked in on her cradling a piglet, instead of Ryoga's human form.
At first glance, one might think Ryoga Hibiki, or P-Chan was sleeping peacefully in Nabiki Tendo's arms. However this was not the case. The pig's mind was filled with terrible dreams the entire night, many of which involved Nabiki, the majority of which, however involved being a pig forever or being eaten. Surprisingly, those that involved the middle Tendo daughter caused the pig to actually tremble or thrash in his sleep, while those of being eaten only caused an uncomfortable grunt.
The day of the WPDDC show finally arrived. As promised by so many people, Nabiki and Ryoga did manage to get onto the show.
Ranma watched the various pet owners show off their animal's dumb skills. He had a hot water balloon that Cologne had cast a spell on; it'd stay hot for an entire day if that was what it took.
Akane was none too thrilled with this sorry excuse for a date. Ranma didn't really care; he only needed her to see Ryoga!
Then he thought to himself . . . 'Why am I doing this? So what if Akane never finds out about Ryoga. So much the better for him, right? Right?' Ranma frowned. 'Naw. I want Nabiki to pay for kicking me.' He thought.
The show was quite strange. Contestants would bring their pets on stage, the pet would compete with three others to accomplish its talent, and the audience would chose, which one advanced onto the next round. Each round was five minutes, there were three rounds, then the survivors moved on to the final round. During the commercial breaks the host would bring out the next group and interview them a little. Especially if there were any pretty girls.
"So, you say your miniature poodle's stupid talent is eating it's own fur, then barfing it up and putting it back on it's own body?"
"Yes I did."
"That's really stupid." The host said.
"That's why we are going to win!" The girl said.
The first round was, more or less boring. Then came round two, where Azusa and her dog showed supreme talent. The dog ate the cat that was supposed to compete with them, after the cat ate the canary the dog had apparently befriended. The canary knew how to bark, that was its talent. God knew what that cat could do, no one got the chance to find out.
But with only one pet surviving the encounter, of course Azusa moved on to the next round. The host seemed to find the entire thing quite funny.
Then came the third round. Nabiki and Ryoga were up against fierce competition. Akari and her giant pig, and some guy and his dog.
Ranma prepared the hot water balloon, he'd finally . . . wait, what was he going to do again? He was now confused, the brainlessness of this show was just too much!
P-Chan took a deep breath. 'Okay. Dance.' He thought. Nabiki had told him he could dance however he wanted; he knew just what to do. The timer started, the giant pig ate the dog before it could do it's talent, then it's owner. Then it barfed them both back out. Ryoga began to dance.
Anyone who's ever seen the ending credits to Hamtaro would recognize the gawd awful dance Ryoga began to do. He heard Nabiki scream encouragement to him.
"What the heck are you doing you jerk? Why you-I'm gonna get you, and when I do you're gonna-"
Ryoga ignored her; he was starting to have fun. Dancing wasn't so bad when you didn't have some girl throwing water on you one when you screwed up. The crowd however didn't seem to find him stupid, they thought he was cute, they "awed" and cried "how cute!"
That's when Ranma jumped up and shouted "Akane! Keep your eyes on the pig!"
"Don't tease P-Chan!" Akane cried.
Ranma scoffed. He hurtled a water balloon at Ryoga.
'Where does he keep getting those? WAIT! Is that-HOT WATER?' Ryoga thought.
"Hey!" Nabiki shouted at Ranma, leaping in front of Ryoga and catching the balloon, which ended up exploding all over her shirt. "No interference! And now I'm all wet!"
"GAW!" Ranma cried. "That was for Ryoga!"
P-Chan glared at Ranma. 'Why you! Ranma you dog! Trying to expose me in front of Akane? And on television yet! You are such a dead man!!' He charged forward, leapt onto Nabiki's head, and from there leapt into the audience and landed in front of Ranma, then he leapt forward and bit down on Ranma's nose!
CHOMP!
"AAAAYYYYYYEEEEEE!" Ranma cried.
"I told you not to tease him!" Akane cried.
The crowd seemed to think this was staged, they went nuts. "YAY!"
Ranma whacked P-Chan off his face, and they both leapt onto the stage. P-Chan waged violent war on Ranma, who whacked him down every time he tried to leap at the boy's face. Nabiki stayed where she was, her arms crossed, shaking her head in disappointment.
"Next time, we stick with disco!" She shouted.
"Call it off!" Ranma cried. "Call it off!"
"Go for the throat P-Chan!" Akane called from the audience box.
"Time is up!" The host called. "And you-the pigtailed boy with the water balloons. Next time you throw one at a girl, go for one wearing a white shirt."
"I was aiming fer the pig!" Ranma snapped, Ryoga was sitting on his shoulder gnawing away.
"Whatever. Get back into the audience." The host sighed. Then he shouted, "The votes are in! Last place, is Mr. Oreo and his dog Cookie! In second place, is Akari and her Sumo-Pig Katsunishiki!"
"Second place is a fancy word for LOSER!" Akari screeched. She glared at the pig, then threw her arms around its neck (tried to) and wept "We'll do better next time!"
The pig ate her.
"Guess there wont *be* a 'next time' for you." Nabiki frowned.
"The winner of round 3 is, Nabiki Tendo and P-Chan!"
"Yay!" The crowd screamed.
"See? What'd I tell ya? Butt kicking piglet makes everyone laugh." The host said. "Try to keep it from dancing though, that's just not funny. It's cruel."
'Thank YOU!' Ryoga thought.
"I'll show you what cruel is in the next round!" Nabiki laughed.
'I believe it.' Ryoga thought.
"Well folks, when we get back, we have the final round! Mr. Soun Tendo and his panda Jennifer, competing against Miss. Azusa something or other with her dog that's named after a car, and Miss. Nabiki Tendo with her butt kicking piglet P-Chan!"
The crowd cheered.
Akane shouted "That's MY sister and MY ass kicking piglet!"
"And that's YOUR fiancé that tried to get that poor pig wet and ruin its match!" Kasumi, who'd come along said.
"Hey, that's right! RANMA! You want my P-Chan to catch a cold? I'll get you for this!"
Nabiki scooped Ryoga up in her arms, the little black pig shuddered, though not with repulsion as he would when grabbed by Azusa.
Nabiki whispered in his ear, "Remember Ryoga-baby, if we win this you are free, and rich, you cant beat that!"
"Ernk!" 'I could. I could be free, rich and destroy Ranma Saotome!' Ryoga thought.
Ranma on the other hand, just brooded. "I won't give up!" he declared, pointing a finger at Nabiki. "I will make you pay for beatin' me! It wasn't a fair match! I'll get you! And yer little pig too!"
"Jeez Ranma, lighten up." Nabiki sighed.
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
He was about to say something, when he heard a soft sob behind him. He turned and saw Akane. "What did you do with my P-Chan?" She demanded.
"Weren't you paying attention?" Ranma snapped. "He IS P-Chan!"
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 9
Ninja Nightmare, What a Trip!
Dr. Tofu ran through the streets wielding his magic chainsaw and riding his new stolen motorcycle! The one he'd just stolen, it came complete with a leather jacket and cowboy boots. Of course he'd had to scare a fat biker out of them, but hey, a free deal was a free deal.
"I am Tofu! I am brave!"
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"I am handsome!" Tofu continued.
"Sure ya are." The chainsaw said.
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"And I am worthy of Kasumi's love!"
"AAHHH!" The people cried.
"They're cheering for ya!" The Chainsaw said. "Oh! Wait! Pedestrian, hold me out! Hold me out! Buzzzzz!"
Ryoga was angry now. He had to wake Nabiki! He did the only thing he could do, he bit her hand! CHOMP!
"AAIEEE!" Nabiki cried, jumping up and throwing Ryoga at the wall. He bounced back off the wall, hit the shelf, bounced off that and then the desk, bounced off that and hit the lamp, bounced off that and hit Nabiki in the face. All in all the room was, once again, trashed.
The two ninjas were fast asleep.
Nabiki looked drowsy too.
'Nabiki!' Ryoga thought. 'Please, turn me to human again!'
"Mm . . . hey!" Nabiki said. "This little piggy stayed home!"
'What?'
"Ryoga, breathe deep, seek peace man!"
'Is she getting high?' Ryoga frowned. 'Idiot girl!' He bit her hand again.
"AAHHH!" She threw him at the wall, he bounced again. Then he hit her head again, she fell back into her bed. "Ouch!" She cried. "Hey! Ryoga, what are you . . . who's lying on my floor? Is it those ninja losers? Oh great, look at my room now!"
'Oh thank god she's back to normal!' Ryoga thought.
"I'll be kicking some one's butt . . . as soon as I'm done sleeping . . ." She fell back into bed and went to sleep.
P-Chan heard the door open, he realized now that the defense of the Tendo family rested on HIS shoulders alone!
"SSQQUUUEEEEE!" He cried, charging off to fight the ninjas. He ended up in Nabiki's panty drawer with a sleeping Happi.
The ten Ninjas entered the house, deactivated their sleeping gas machine since they were fairly sure Todd had been an idiot and gone in without a gas mask. They were surprised to see a Panda waiting for them. They managed to put it out of their way by shooting it in the butt with several tranquilizer darts. The Panda growled at them as if to say "What's yer problem" then went to sleep.
They were about to go about the task of killing everyone off when they heard some one scream "I AM TOFU! HEAR ME ROAR!" And they heard the roar of a motorcycle.
Nabiki slept fitfully after Ryoga had so rudely awoken her. Her dreams were filled with tiny black piglets eating money out of troths. Billions of yen and the pigs were just eating it! Nabiki struggled and tried to get to them, but her legs were like led weights, they moved slowly, and no matter how fast she tried to run, or how long she ran the pigs never got closer.
"Stop it you little idiots! Don't eat that! I'll buy you REAL food if you let me have that! Stop it you twits!"
Then there was just one pig. A cute little black piglet with a bandanna tied around his neck. He sat patiently staring at her, waiting for her to come to him. Everything else had disappeared and become shadow.
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted. "Where'd the money go?"
"Oh Charlotte!" Azure or whatever her name was lunged for the little pig. "Him comes home with Azusa!" The girl cried.
"No! No you can't have him!" Nabiki whined, her legs had stopped moving all together. "He's mine! He belongs to me! Tell her Ryoga! You're mine, you signed the contract!"
"Oink?" The pig oinked.
"Charlotte says you're a bad person. And you treat Charlotte badly. Whittle Azusa gets to take Charlotte home because Azusa won't be mean to Charlotte!"
"Bite her hand Ryoga!" Nabiki cried. "You belong to me!"
"And why is that?" Ryoga asked. The actual Ryoga walked out of the shadows and stood not even three feet from Nabiki. And yet no matter how hard she tried she couldn't reach him, it just didn't make sense! "Because you gave me an overpriced pair of pants? Or because you gave me relationship advice that I didn't even use? Or would it be because you promised not to tell Akane about me?"
"Pick one!" Nabiki snapped.
"Akane already knows." Ryoga shrugged.
"That's right!" Akane snapped. She appeared too and wrapped her arms around Ryoga protectively. "You evil, wicked woman! How dare you cheat on Ryoga!"
"That again?" Nabiki glared at her sister.
"Ryoga told me everything, and now I'm madly in love with him!"
"That makes about as much sense as Azusa's sentences!" Nabiki snapped.
"Don't forget Azusa has your piggy!" Azusa sneered. "Him comes home with me!"
"Shut up!" Nabiki snapped. "Akane, get off Ryoga! He belongs to me!"
"I'm not property." Ryoga shrugged. "You'd sell me out if you got a good enough offer."
"So?" Nabiki demanded. She was starting to feel strange. What was this feeling? Fear? No matter how hard she tried she couldn't move her legs, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get her hands on Ryoga, or more specifically his neck. It was like being paralyzed, she couldn't move at all!
"Good bye Nabiki, Ryoga and I are going on our honeymoon. But you can have Ranma if you like."
"Yeah, after all, I need a replacement for Akane on my list of possible bed warmers." Ranma said, giving Nabiki the thumbs up.
"AAHHHH!" Nabiki woke up screaming. She thrashed around, relieved to have use of her body back, and making sure that it worked properly. She hit several things as she did this. All of them people.
"Ouch!" Akane cried.
"Oh dear, that hurt!" Kasumi said sadly.
"She scratched me!" Ranma snapped.
Nabiki got hold of something round. She opened her eyes and looked at it . . . it was Happi's head. "Ugh!" She grunted in horror and threw the little man at the wall, with a splat he slid slowly to the ground, his face now flattened.
"Nabiki!" Akane cried. "Stop! You're safe! The ninjas didn't get us thanks to Dr. Tofu!"
Nabiki slowed her thoughts to a crawl for a moment. Then looked around the room at the several wounded people. Her father had a bruise on his right eye.
"What happened to your eye Daddy?" Nabiki asked. "Did you guys fight off the ninjas?"
"No!" Soun wept. "You kept kicking your legs in your sleep and trying to strangle something, and when uncle Saotome and I tried to carry you down stairs you kicked me in the eye!"
"That's Ryoga's fault! If he'd just let me strangle him-"
"Nabiki!" Akane gasped. "*That's* what you two are into?"
"What? What!" Nabiki cried. "Ryoga and I aren't a couple, get over it!"
"Where did Ryoga go anyway?" Akane asked, petting P-Chan.
"Where was the pig?" Nabiki demanded.
"In your panty drawer. The old master was attempting to pack as many pairs onto the poor creature's back as he could and make a mad dash." Soun said.
"What was the pig doing in my drawer!" Nabiki exclaimed. Silently she said 'I'll make you sorry for that Ryoga you pervert!'
"Happosai probably dragged him up there." Akane said defensively. "But I asked, what happened to Ryoga?"
"Oh he's probably right under your nose." Ranma mumbled.
"Are you okay now Nabiki?" Soun asked.
"Of course I am! Why is everyone gathered around me?"
"We were just worried." Kasumi said.
"Why did you drag me out of my room?" Nabiki demanded.
"Because we heard you moaning in your sleep and Cologne said you were having evil dreams and we had to bring you down here so she could perform the ritual to remove the ghost from your body." Kasumi kindly explained.
"And where is Cologne?" Nabiki demanded.
"She's in the fridge, she got hungry and said she'd take care of you later." Kasumi said it as if it were so normal.
"Why is she here at all?"
"She had to take care of the spell that was on Dr. Tofu's chainsaw, so that it'd stop talking to him." Ranma scoffed.
"And where is Tofu?" Nabiki demanded.
"Oh, well the police dragged him off for theft, armed assault and because he was wearing a mask at the time and they thought he might be one of the ninjas. But he did save us all from the ninjas, so I'm sure they will let him off light. Perhaps a night in prison and a slap on the wrist is the worst he'll get." Kasumi said casually.
Nabiki frowned. "You people make me sick." She mumbled. "Akane, hand me that pig, I've got things to do, and places to go, and not to mention alleged boyfriends to brutally murder."
"And you need P-Chan for that?" Akane asked.
"I'm taking P-Chan to . . . eh . . . to be my carrier pigeon, in case I need to send a message home quickly."
"Sure!" Ranma said. "And when you let the piggy go it'll come straight back to us with your message . . . in about two weeks!"
Nabiki shot Ranma a deadly glare. "Silence you!" She snapped. "I've gotta go, bye now!" She said, grabbing the pig from Akane who was too surprised to argue. She rushed off to the washroom and poured hot water on Ryoga. She quickly threw him some cloths and said "C'mon, we've got places to go, move it!"
"What places?" Ryoga protested.
"I'll tell you when we get there!"
"Why do I have to come?"
"So Akane doesn't think I'm cheating on you again!"
"Why do you care what she thinks?"
"Just c'mon! I'll let you buy yourself a hotdog!"
"Yay! Hey . . . wait a minute!"
Nabiki came home late that night. She was exhausted, but at least she'd finally gotten her roll of film developed. Poor Ryoga. Ignorance is such bliss, he now slept peacefully as P-Chan in Akane's bed . . . Nabiki shuddered at that thought. Ryoga was with Akane, and not her. And yet why should that bother her? The fact was a boy, currently trapped in a pig's body, was sharing a bed with her little sister! So why wasn't she disgusted? She was angry, but she wasn't sure why.
Nabiki shook her head and sighed. "I'll figure it out later." She decided. She looked at the photos she'd taken of her poor slave boy. He certainly was photogenic, she could send these in to a magazine . . . in fact that'd be a perfect threat when the time came. Nabiki shook her head. The power she was capable of, she scared herself at times.
She heard a scratching sound coming down the hallway, so she quickly shoved the pictures and the others that the film had developed (five pictures of female Ranma doing . . . stuff. And five pictures of Akane working out, along with a nice snap shot of the whole family, minus Nabiki who'd taken the picture when Akane, Daddy and Kasumi weren't expecting it.
Nabiki sighed with relief when she saw P-Chan moving through the hallways. She walked out to the pig, who gave her a "eat crap and die" look when she picked him up.
"Bored with Akane, are you?" Nabiki smiled.
"Ernk!" P-Chan said.
"Well, you know you can always hang out with me." Nabiki said sweetly. "Or were you trying to turn into a human?"
P-Chan nodded vigorously. Nabiki grinned. "Well you can do that tomorrow morning. C'mon, lets get some sleep." She said.
"K-KEEE! K-KEEE!" P-Chan howled like a toddler throwing a fit. Nabiki played her trump card, kissing the piglet on the snout. That shut him up. He became a statue, a blushing piglet statue. But the effect was temporary, Ryoga began throwing a fit again, attacking the pillow with extreme prejudice.
Finally Nabiki sighed, took him into the wash room and quickly prepared some hot water to throw on him. Ryoga leapt headfirst into the bucket, and became a human . . . with a bucket on his head.
"Rhy rhonted who alk who shu!" Ryoga said from under the bucket.
"Put some cloths on, sweetie." Nabiki said, offering him a pair of pants, which of course he couldn't see.
Ryoga forced the bucket off his head, and shook it. "Nabiki! I have to talk to you!" He said as he pulled his pants on. "It's important!"
"Okay, talk." Nabiki said with a shrug.
"Ranma and Akane are going to be at the show! I was in Akane's room, and Ranma told Akane he's got something to show her that she'll never forget. And he winked at me! I'm scared Nabiki!"
"So? They're engaged Ryoga, they're allowed to go on dates."
"Nabiki, Ranma knows about my curse and has been trying to indirectly expose me ever since Akane adopted me!" Ryoga said. "I can't let Akane know about me!"
Nabiki frowned. "Are you asking me for advice?"
"Yes."
"I see . . ." Nabiki shook her head. "I'll have a talk with Ranma." Nabiki said. "I'll make sure he doesn't try anything."
"What if he does?" Ryoga whispered. "And Akane learns about me?"
"Then at least you won't have to be my slave anymore." Nabiki offered. Ryoga frowned at her, and then Nabiki made a major mistake. What she said next came without any pre-thought, she simply said it. "Would it be so bad if Akane found out?"
This set Ryoga off. He gave her a long list of reasons that Akane could never know, most of them involved his glass heart being shattered, and how Akane would never want to see him again, how he'd never be able to face her, how he'd never be able to apologize enough, or explain himself to Soun or anyone else for that matter.
This annoyed the middle Tendo girl. "Listen here bucko, if my sister excommunicated you, I'd still be your friend y'know! I know about your secret and I let you sleep in my bed anyway! It doesn't bother me! Akane may be a violent maniac, but I think she'll understand." Nabiki said.
Akane waited outside the washroom, really needing to use it. Of course when she heard the conversation going on inside . . .
"Soun is going to kill me if he ever finds out! And I bet Genma will help!" Ryoga said. "And I'd never be able to look Kasumi in the face again, and Akane, Akane would-"
"Listen here bucko, if my sister excommunicated you, I'd still be your friend y'know!" Nabiki hissed. "I know about your secret and I let you sleep in my bed anyway! It doesn't bother me!"
Akane gasped. Ryoga and Nabiki were sleeping together?
"Akane may be a violent maniac, but I think she'll understand." Nabiki said more softly.
Akane forced the door open and walked in on a surprised Nabiki, and a half-dressed Ryoga. "Of course I understand!" She cried. "It's okay Ryoga, really!"
"It . . . it is?" Ryoga whispered in shock.
"Sure! And we don't have to tell daddy, what he doesn't know, won't hurt him, right Nabiki?" Akane asked, winking at her sister, who just shrugged.
"Wow . . . I never thought you'd be so understanding. If I'd know I'd have let Ranma expose this whole thing months ago!" Ryoga said.
"Ranma knew?" Akane gasped. "And he didn't tell me? For months?"
"He tried." Nabiki said.
"Well . . . I guess you two will be wanting to go off to sleep eh?" Akane asked.
"Eh . . . well no, I mean yes, but I think I'll sleep on the couch if it's all the same to you." Ryoga said.
"Sounds great, I'll go with you, to make sure you get there." Nabiki yawned.
Akane smiled. Her sister had finally found some one worthy of one of the Tendo Daughters! Akane only wished *she* would some day be so lucky.
Ryoga was shocked. "I can't believe she took it so well." He said.
"I'll admit, I'm surprised too." Nabiki said. She squeezed Ryoga's hand, though she didn't know why she did it.
Ryoga frowned at her, and said "Nabiki, this doesn't look like the living room." He said. "And that doesn't look like the couch."
"Really? I must have gotten lost. You're rubbing off on me." Nabiki grinned wickedly.
"In fact, I'm no expert, but I'd say this is your bed room."
"Is it?" Nabiki asked, closing the door behind her.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is!" Ryoga said, oblivious to the danger.
Nabiki snuck up behind him with a cold glass of water. She lunged forward, Ryoga's spider sense kicked in again and he tried to dodge her, but she threw the water and caught him. She grabbed the angry little piglet and carried it into bed with her. "G'night Ryoga!"
The pig was oinking up a storm, no doubt demanding to know why she'd done that. Nabiki had to admit she wasn't entirely sure herself. She'd just wanted him with her tonight and there would be fewer questions asked if her father walked in on her cradling a piglet, instead of Ryoga's human form.
At first glance, one might think Ryoga Hibiki, or P-Chan was sleeping peacefully in Nabiki Tendo's arms. However this was not the case. The pig's mind was filled with terrible dreams the entire night, many of which involved Nabiki, the majority of which, however involved being a pig forever or being eaten. Surprisingly, those that involved the middle Tendo daughter caused the pig to actually tremble or thrash in his sleep, while those of being eaten only caused an uncomfortable grunt.
The day of the WPDDC show finally arrived. As promised by so many people, Nabiki and Ryoga did manage to get onto the show.
Ranma watched the various pet owners show off their animal's dumb skills. He had a hot water balloon that Cologne had cast a spell on; it'd stay hot for an entire day if that was what it took.
Akane was none too thrilled with this sorry excuse for a date. Ranma didn't really care; he only needed her to see Ryoga!
Then he thought to himself . . . 'Why am I doing this? So what if Akane never finds out about Ryoga. So much the better for him, right? Right?' Ranma frowned. 'Naw. I want Nabiki to pay for kicking me.' He thought.
The show was quite strange. Contestants would bring their pets on stage, the pet would compete with three others to accomplish its talent, and the audience would chose, which one advanced onto the next round. Each round was five minutes, there were three rounds, then the survivors moved on to the final round. During the commercial breaks the host would bring out the next group and interview them a little. Especially if there were any pretty girls.
"So, you say your miniature poodle's stupid talent is eating it's own fur, then barfing it up and putting it back on it's own body?"
"Yes I did."
"That's really stupid." The host said.
"That's why we are going to win!" The girl said.
The first round was, more or less boring. Then came round two, where Azusa and her dog showed supreme talent. The dog ate the cat that was supposed to compete with them, after the cat ate the canary the dog had apparently befriended. The canary knew how to bark, that was its talent. God knew what that cat could do, no one got the chance to find out.
But with only one pet surviving the encounter, of course Azusa moved on to the next round. The host seemed to find the entire thing quite funny.
Then came the third round. Nabiki and Ryoga were up against fierce competition. Akari and her giant pig, and some guy and his dog.
Ranma prepared the hot water balloon, he'd finally . . . wait, what was he going to do again? He was now confused, the brainlessness of this show was just too much!
P-Chan took a deep breath. 'Okay. Dance.' He thought. Nabiki had told him he could dance however he wanted; he knew just what to do. The timer started, the giant pig ate the dog before it could do it's talent, then it's owner. Then it barfed them both back out. Ryoga began to dance.
Anyone who's ever seen the ending credits to Hamtaro would recognize the gawd awful dance Ryoga began to do. He heard Nabiki scream encouragement to him.
"What the heck are you doing you jerk? Why you-I'm gonna get you, and when I do you're gonna-"
Ryoga ignored her; he was starting to have fun. Dancing wasn't so bad when you didn't have some girl throwing water on you one when you screwed up. The crowd however didn't seem to find him stupid, they thought he was cute, they "awed" and cried "how cute!"
That's when Ranma jumped up and shouted "Akane! Keep your eyes on the pig!"
"Don't tease P-Chan!" Akane cried.
Ranma scoffed. He hurtled a water balloon at Ryoga.
'Where does he keep getting those? WAIT! Is that-HOT WATER?' Ryoga thought.
"Hey!" Nabiki shouted at Ranma, leaping in front of Ryoga and catching the balloon, which ended up exploding all over her shirt. "No interference! And now I'm all wet!"
"GAW!" Ranma cried. "That was for Ryoga!"
P-Chan glared at Ranma. 'Why you! Ranma you dog! Trying to expose me in front of Akane? And on television yet! You are such a dead man!!' He charged forward, leapt onto Nabiki's head, and from there leapt into the audience and landed in front of Ranma, then he leapt forward and bit down on Ranma's nose!
CHOMP!
"AAAAYYYYYYEEEEEE!" Ranma cried.
"I told you not to tease him!" Akane cried.
The crowd seemed to think this was staged, they went nuts. "YAY!"
Ranma whacked P-Chan off his face, and they both leapt onto the stage. P-Chan waged violent war on Ranma, who whacked him down every time he tried to leap at the boy's face. Nabiki stayed where she was, her arms crossed, shaking her head in disappointment.
"Next time, we stick with disco!" She shouted.
"Call it off!" Ranma cried. "Call it off!"
"Go for the throat P-Chan!" Akane called from the audience box.
"Time is up!" The host called. "And you-the pigtailed boy with the water balloons. Next time you throw one at a girl, go for one wearing a white shirt."
"I was aiming fer the pig!" Ranma snapped, Ryoga was sitting on his shoulder gnawing away.
"Whatever. Get back into the audience." The host sighed. Then he shouted, "The votes are in! Last place, is Mr. Oreo and his dog Cookie! In second place, is Akari and her Sumo-Pig Katsunishiki!"
"Second place is a fancy word for LOSER!" Akari screeched. She glared at the pig, then threw her arms around its neck (tried to) and wept "We'll do better next time!"
The pig ate her.
"Guess there wont *be* a 'next time' for you." Nabiki frowned.
"The winner of round 3 is, Nabiki Tendo and P-Chan!"
"Yay!" The crowd screamed.
"See? What'd I tell ya? Butt kicking piglet makes everyone laugh." The host said. "Try to keep it from dancing though, that's just not funny. It's cruel."
'Thank YOU!' Ryoga thought.
"I'll show you what cruel is in the next round!" Nabiki laughed.
'I believe it.' Ryoga thought.
"Well folks, when we get back, we have the final round! Mr. Soun Tendo and his panda Jennifer, competing against Miss. Azusa something or other with her dog that's named after a car, and Miss. Nabiki Tendo with her butt kicking piglet P-Chan!"
The crowd cheered.
Akane shouted "That's MY sister and MY ass kicking piglet!"
"And that's YOUR fiancé that tried to get that poor pig wet and ruin its match!" Kasumi, who'd come along said.
"Hey, that's right! RANMA! You want my P-Chan to catch a cold? I'll get you for this!"
Nabiki scooped Ryoga up in her arms, the little black pig shuddered, though not with repulsion as he would when grabbed by Azusa.
Nabiki whispered in his ear, "Remember Ryoga-baby, if we win this you are free, and rich, you cant beat that!"
"Ernk!" 'I could. I could be free, rich and destroy Ranma Saotome!' Ryoga thought.
Ranma on the other hand, just brooded. "I won't give up!" he declared, pointing a finger at Nabiki. "I will make you pay for beatin' me! It wasn't a fair match! I'll get you! And yer little pig too!"
"Jeez Ranma, lighten up." Nabiki sighed.
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
He was about to say something, when he heard a soft sob behind him. He turned and saw Akane. "What did you do with my P-Chan?" She demanded.
"Weren't you paying attention?" Ranma snapped. "He IS P-Chan!"