Disclaimer: See past chapters.
A/N: I want to thank everyone who originally reviewed this chapter, without their support the story might not have continued. Or something like that, reviews are cool because they let you know what people think. Although most people brown nose so you wont hate them, don't worry, I don't grudge opinions, I tend to ignore pointless personal insults that have nothing to do with the story though. I guess that is a way of grudging opinions though. Man, I'm such a hypocrite, huh? Is that even the right word? See I like to use big words so people don't think I'm a dummy like everyone else.
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 12
For The Dog Swinging Siren!
"Okay Akane," Nabiki said. "There is a *very* good explanation for what you've just seen."
"You two are in love!" Akane squealed, she began to dance around the room.
"That's not true," Nabiki said. "You see sweetie, some times when two people are very bored they might kiss or do other things just because they are irresponsible with their bodies and young and don't think they will grow up to regret it. Like Kasumi."
"What about Kasumi?" Ryoga frowned. Nabiki put her hand up to silence him.
"You see Akane, Ryoga and I are-"
"In love!" Akane cried.
"Howzat?" Ranma poked his head into the room. "Hey Nabiki, my martial arts skills ain't improved none, I want my money and my stuff back."
"You can have your stuff back but you never gave me any money." Nabiki lied.
"Ranma!" Akane shouted. "Are you listening to me? My big sister and your best friend are in love!"
"Hmm? Yeah I heard ya . . . best friend? Ukyo!?"
"Ryoga!" Akane cried.
"But Ryoga ain't my best friend, he's my rival!"
"You fool, Ranma!" Ryoga cried. "Why would Ukyo be in love with Nabiki?"
"Why wouldn't she?" Nabiki shrugged. "I'm attractive to both sexes, I'm sure. I mean I get offers from that waitress of hers whenever she thinks no one's looking."
"Her waitress is a . . . eh . . . never mind." Ranma said.
"Nabiki and I are *not*--" Ryoga began, but Akane cut him off.
"I saw you two kiss!"
"Which kiss did you see?" Ryoga demanded, a stupid move on his part since all he'd done was tell Akane that they had kissed twice. "'Cause the first time I was just trying to prove that it was possible to kiss like on those soap operas."
"What!?" Nabiki demanded.
"I wanted to prove Kasumi wrong!" Ryoga declared. "She said soaps aren't real! She said Anime wasn't real!"
"Ryoga . . ." Nabiki frowned. "Soaps . . . eh . . . aren't . . . eh I'm sure Kasumi was just kidding. You kissed me for nothing."
"Oh I wouldn't say THAT!" Akane cried. She held up a camera, "Lets take a picture of the happy couple!"
"What are you *on*?" Nabiki asked. "Since when do you care *who* I date?"
Akane glared at Nabiki. "You drafted me to marry a complete stranger, I get to muck around in your love life, it's a fair deal! And it's either THAT or I show everyone at school the tape Kasumi sold me! Containing your plans for giving me and Ranma competition!"
"Competition? Oh thank god!" Ranma cried. "Some one needs to smack Akane around a couple of times in Monopoly, she goes nuts and starts screaming like a whore whenever she's winning."
"Yes we know." Nabiki nodded.
"I'm so confused." Ryoga sighed. "What were we talking about?"
Nabiki shook her head. "Nothing. Because you and I are not in love, we kissed . . . on accident."
"Your tongue accidentally went into-" Nabiki slapped Ryoga to shut him up. Too late, the damage was done.
"A French kiss?" Akane squealed. She began to dance around the room again. "Wow! You two frenched! WWEEE!"
"Oh god I think I'm going to have to kill her soon." Nabiki growled.
"C'mon Akane, let's leave Ryoga and his new girl friend alone." Ranma grinned wickedly, winking at Ryoga.
Nabiki made a mad attempt to kick him in the crotch but he dodged her this time.
"If you really wanted to be my boyfriend you'd kick Ranma's butt for me." Nabiki mumbled.
"But I don't want to-"
"But then why did you kiss me?" Nabiki demanded. She glared at him. "To prove Kasumi wrong when she wasn't even around?"
"Eh . . . damn you and your logic!" Ryoga cried. "I don't know why I did it!"
"You wouldn't do it again, would you?"
"Why? Are you asking me to?" Ryoga scoffed.
"Maybe." Nabiki shrugged. "It doesn't mater. If you did I'd kick you in the balls so hard Ranma would feel it!" Nabiki sat down on her bed for a moment. And shook her head. "Okay! Fine! Get your jacket Ryoga."
"My what? I don't have a jacket."
"Well that's tough. I guess we'll have to buy you one."
"Why?" Ryoga asked. Nabiki grinned wickedly.
She turned to him and said, "So you don't catch a cold my pig-boy love muffin."
"What did you just call me!?" Ryoga cried.
"C'mon Snookums, we're going out for a while." Nabiki said, grabbing her coat with one hand, and Ryoga by the arm with her other.
"Snookums?! You're crazy!"
"That I may well be. But No one french kisses Nabiki Tendo and gets away with it!"
"But you frenched ME!" Ryoga cried as Nabiki dragged him out of her room. She walked by Akane's room and saw Ranma and Akane were actually playing monopoly.
"Hey!" She hissed. "Ryoga and I are . . . going shopping. Don't wait up. Keep an eye on the house. Make damn sure Kasumi buys Chocolate ice cream."
"Actually I prefer cookies and cream." Ryoga mumbled.
"I didn't ask you, did I!?" Nabiki hissed. She dragged him out the door.
She did hear Akane tell Ranma as they left, "Gee . . . a date already . . . we should follow them and take pictures then Nabiki wont be able to lie and say she isn't in love with Ryoga!"
"Why do ya care?"
"Because I'm nosy!" Akane cried.
Nabiki scowled. "C'mon Ryoga. You better be thinking of someplace romantic to take me!"
"Are you kidding!?" Ryoga cried. "I don't even know where *I* am half the time, you want me to take *you* somewhere?"
Nabiki nodded. "A valid point." She admitted.
Tatewaki Kuno waited in ambuscade for Fanged Wanderer and Nabiki Tendo. He would defeat this "Charlotte" and bring him to the Dog Swinging Siren of his very dreams!
"Why don't we just go to Ukyo's place?" Nabiki Tendo grumbled.
"Because Ukyo will just end up calling me a jackass or something." Her companion said.
"AHA!" Kuno cried, leaping from his ambuscade, he lunged forward. "Behold the power of Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder!"
"Hmm? Who are you?" Some guy asked.
"You are not Nabiki Tendo and Fanged Wanderer!" Kuno cried. He glared at the two five year olds and growled in frustration.
"Are you looking for *us* Kuno-baby?" Nabiki Tendo sighed from behind him.
"How did you get past my ambush?" Kuno whined.
"Maybe you're just slow." Nabiki Tendo shrugged.
"Well it is no matter! I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder will capture your pig." Kuno growled.
"Eh . . . how's about . . . NO!" Nabiki growled back. "P-Chan is . . . *was* Akane's pet. And Ryoga is my personal slave." Nabiki said.
"The disgrace!" Kuno cried. He glared at Fanged Wanderer-er Ryoga. "Face me in combat, and I, Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thunder, shall end thy suffering!"
"You like to say your own name a lot don't you?" Ryoga said. Nabiki Tendo slipped her arm around his and dragged him off.
"Let's go then, we've got things to do." She said.
"Eh . . . on second thought . . . I, Ryoga Hibiki accept your challenge Tatewaki Kuno!" Ryoga tore away from Nabiki and wielded a bandanna menacingly.
"You know, if I had arms I'd be happy." Tofu said.
"But you *have* arms." Akane frowned.
"Oh? Do I? I haven't been able to feel them for quite some time."
"Ya don't say . . ." Ranma shrugged.
"So . . . why are you two here?" Tofu asked.
"We were trying to follow Nabiki and Ryoga, but we're pretty sure they got lost somewhere and we can't find them now. We heard Kuno shouting at some one and decided to go in the opposite direction of his voice." Akane said. "They are on a date."
"Nabiki and Ryoga? Good for them. Power to the Lesbians!" Tofu cried.
"Uh . . . actually Ryoga is a guy." Ranma said.
"I know. What does that have to do with anything?" Tofu asked.
"Well ya said "Power to the Lesbians!" and Ryoga is a guy." Ranma shrugged.
"Quite so." Tofu said. "And I truly meant that. Power to Lesbians, they make life worth living!"
"Are you feeling okay doctor?" Akane asked. "You're a little . . . actually you're *very* out of character."
"I know. Fear not, the lesbians shall save me, I've seen it in a vision."
"The lesbians eh?" Ranma shook his head. "I pity you."
"Don't. In my vision I learn the lesbians are Bi and I get to make sweet love to them both. They both look like Kasumi as it were."
"Okay, we should leave now." Akane said.
"See ya doc!" Ranma shrugged.
Tofu nodded. He began to sing again. "I am Tofu! I live in the halls of the nice padded walls, I had a chainsaw but then the cops saw, they took my chainsaw and killed him, what a shame, society is to blame and now I'm in the halls of the nice padded walls!"
"Quick! Give him another sedative!" The doctor cried.
Meanwhile . . . lament all ye who read this next part . . .
"So you say you are a talk show host?" Kodachi demanded.
"Eh . . . yeah." Phil Satyr shuddered. This girl was pure evil, he could feel it in his bones.
"What sort of talk shows?"
"Well I have The Yesterday Show where I talk with stars about . . . stuff. And I have, The Dating Game, where I interview hot young chicks and set them up with hot young guys."
"I see . . . how is that working out?"
"Not so good." Phil admitted. "One time the bachelorette chose another girl from the audience, another the bachelorette was actually married and I ended up getting arrested, another time, after my parole, the bachelorette just ran off before the show ended. I have yet to play matchmaker successfully." Phil mused.
"Very well . . . I accept!" Kodachi said. "I will go on your dating game show, if my darling Ranma Saotome can be on the show as well."
"I didn't offer!"
"Mr. Green Turtle!"
A huge crocodile showed up from out of nowhere and lunged for Phil.
"HOLY MOTHER OF-You know you're just the sort of girl I'm looking for to launch my brand new, Japanese Dating Game!" Phil said. "I'd love it if you could come on the show!"
"Indeed I shall." Kodachi agreed. "If . . ."
"Right, I'll make sure this Saotome guy gets on too."
"It is a deal then. Excellent!" Kodachi laughed wickedly.
Nabiki sat at a table in the Cat Café. She watched impatiently as Ryoga continued to fight Kuno.
The two were down to just trading blows.
Ryoga lunged forward, hands balled into fists, Kuno dodged, and hit him in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. Ryoga took the hit in stride-as if he had any feeling in his head anyway-and kicked Kuno in the face, which the older boy also took in stride-as if *he* had any feeling in *his* head anyway-and the two inconsiderate martial artists left Nabiki alone at her table, to watch them in a state that was the closest she came to boredom since . . . well since that night she'd first learned Ryoga's dirty little secret.
"Hey! Ryoga!" She shouted. "Are you about done?"
"Almost!" Ryoga cried triumphantly as he knocked Kuno out of the air.
"You're helpless!" Nabiki whined.
"They still fight?" Shampoo sighed. "Stupid, stupid boys."
"You're telling me." Nabiki grumbled.
"Shampoo stop them. For price."
"Why does everyone want to be me?" Nabiki scowled.
"You get Shampoo date with Ranma!" Shampoo declared. "Promise this and Shampoo get lost boy stop fighting sword boy."
"Oh *that* all? Sure, whatever."
Shampoo walked out of the café, and glared at the two fighters. "AIYA!" She shouted. They both stopped and looked at her. She pulled her shirt up for a split second, and Kuno and Ryoga fell off the lamppost they had been playing "King of the Hill" on.
As it was, Mousse who hadn't even been looking in Shampoo's direction suddenly fainted with a bloody nose.
And Shampoo had only shown her belly button, she hadn't even done a complete flash. Nabiki scowled at Ryoga as Shampoo dragged him and Kuno to the table and set them down.
"Shampoo done Shampoo's part of deal. You do yours."
Nabiki nodded. "Yeah, I'll make sure Ranma dates you." She glared at Ryoga and Kuno. "As for *you* two!" She hissed at 'the men in her life'. "I don't take being ignored very kindly."
"My apologies Nabiki Tendo. But I must bring the Charlotte to my Dog Swinging Siren or I shall never earn her love again!"
"That eager to be Marianne again eh?" Nabiki scowled.
Kuno thought for a moment. "What are you talking about?" He asked.
"Hello? Anyone home? Don't you remember when she dragged you around calling you her Marianne?"
Kuno leapt up. "That's the SAME girl!?"
"Bingo Kuno-baby." Nabiki nodded. Kuno ran away crying.
Ryoga was panting. He shook his head. "Do you think Shampoo has a phone number?" He asked. "I should ask her for it."
Nabiki glared at him. "All she did was show you her belly button!"
"It was a cute belly button!"
"I have a belly button too, and you never asked for *my* number!"
"Yeah, well you're always blackmailing me." Ryoga shrugged.
"Oh sure." Nabiki said. "One little thing eh? One little mistake and you're going for Shampoo." Nabiki scowled. "Maybe I blackmail you, but at least I don't call you "lost boy"!"
"Yes you do! And you call me Snookums!"
"But in an affectionate way!" Nabiki grinned. She shook her head. "Okay, forget it. Let's just pretend Kuno didn't try to take you to Azusa, and think of something to do tonight."
"I can think of something." Ryoga said seductively.
Nabiki batted her eyelashes at him, "Why Ryoga, you-"
"We can set a trap for Ranma and destroy him!" Ryoga cried.
Nabiki sighed. "You're just sad. You know that?"
"I'm pretty happy right now." Ryoga said. "Your plans never backfire, you'll be able to come up with something brilliant, I just know it!"
"Maybe . . . maybe." Nabiki shrugged. "But what's in it for me?"
"The satisfaction of Ranma's destruction?"
"No, that's what's in it for *you*, what's in it for me?" Nabiki asked.
"What do you want?"
Nabiki shook her head. "I'll make you a deal Ryoga. Show me a good time tonight, and I'll get you Ranma tomorrow, after he dates Shampoo."
Ryoga seemed caught up in thought for a moment. Then nodded. "Alright, fine." He said. "C'mon then, let's go . . . eh . . . somewhere romantic."
"Where?"
"Eh . . . I don't know."
Nabiki sighed. "Why don't we just go see a movie then?"
"Yay! I've wanted to see the new Barry Totter movie for a year now!" Ryoga said.
"I doubt it's still in theaters." Nabiki sighed.
"Oh . . . well I don't really watch TV too often." He said. "I don't know what's in, and what's out of theaters."
"You're hopeless!" Nabiki sighed.
Akane and Ranma snuck around the Mental Institution's complex, dressed in complete black like ninjas. Ukyo and Konatsu were with them as well.
"Y'all came to the right girl Ranma-honey." Ukyo was saying. "If anyone knows how to break people out of prison it's me and Konatsu."
"We break each other out on a semi-regular basis." Konatsu shrugged. "Yep. Those girls in St. Athena's Female Correctional facilities (don't think it really exists, but I don't own it anyway) are the very ones who made Ukyo a 'woman' if you know what I mean."
Ukyo whacked Konatsu on the back of the head with her battle Spatula. "We agreed to never speak of that again Konatsu!" She hissed.
"Well here's the deal, we have to break Dr. Tofu out of the mental hospital, I'm pretty sure they are conducting mental experiments on him." Akane said.
"They better not try anything like that on ME!" Ranma said.
Akane nodded. "Don't worry, you lack the necessary equipment Ranma."
"That's good to know." Ranma said in relief. "Hey!" He cried when he figured out what she meant.
"Whoa! Whoa now sugar," Ukyo said. "A mental institution? I've never broken into one of those before, they have a security run tighter than any prison!"
"That's why we called you!" Akane frowned.
"Well . . . okay I guess we can do this. Let's go for it!" Ukyo cried. The four ninjas leapt over the barbed wire fence and ran for the compound. They didn't know it but soon they would drop like flies.
First the attack dogs took Konatsu down, and then the giant bubble thing engulfed Ranma.
"Keep running!" Ukyo cried.
"It hurts!" Konatsu screamed.
"This is the second time I've been trapped in something today!" Ranma shouted.
Akane could feel her heart pounding in her chest, she ran faster and faster, she heard Ukyo scream, she turned back and saw the spatula-wielding girl hanging by her leg from a tree.
"What kind of place IS this?!" Akane screamed.
"Keep going!" Ukyo cried. "It's all over for us!"
"I can't leave you! Oh wait-yes I can!" Akane cried, she ran for dear life.
"Hey! You're not really supposed to leave us! Hey! You slut!" Ukyo shouted after her. Akane turned around, ran up to Ukyo, slapped her, then ran off for the compound, screaming like a maniac.
Akane ran on, then the wolf riding security elements chased after her. One of them threw what looked like a pair of rocks tied together with a rope at Akane's legs, it tied around them and she fell forward in front of a big sign. Spotlights went on, one shining on each of the four trespassers.
A security guard walked up to Akane and used his flashlight to shine some light on the sign in
front of her.
"Can't you read?" He demanded.
The sign read:
Do Not Walk On Grass.
Kasumi came home late that night, she inspected the house. It was still in one piece. She looked
around but no one was home. There was a note from Akane.
*Dear Kasumi, took Ranma, Ukyo and Konastu to bust Dr. Tofu out of the institute, be back for dinner.*
Kasumi nodded. "How sweet of Akane to leave a note. Now where did Nabiki go?"
There was a second note:
*Dear Kasumi, by the way, Nabiki and Ryoga kissed and now they went on a date! Ranma and I tried to follow them but we lost them, that's why we decided to free Dr. Tofu instead. Don't wait up for them they said, and Nabiki want's chocolate ice cream*
Kasumi sighed. "Alas, young love. One sister on a date, one sister on a liberation mission, life is good for the time being." She said. "At least they are keeping active. I'd better start dinner." Then the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Hello, this is Dr. Malpractice." The voice on the phone said.
"Oh hello Dr. Malpractice. What's that you say? My little sister and her friends were trying to bust a patient out of your clinic but your security system busted them for walking on the grass and you want me to come identify them?"
"I didn't say anything like that!" The voice on the phone said. "But . . . that's exactly why I called. I'm at Nerima district prison with them. And you should hurry up, the boy Ranma dropped the soap in the prison shower, he's been crying all night."
"I'll be over in a moment." Kasumi said cheerfully. She decided to leave a note for Nabiki.
It read:
*Dear Nabiki, I'm going to go get Akane, Ukyo, Konatsu and Ranma out of jail. Ranma dropped the soap, I must rush, no time to cook dinner, please don't have sex while I'm gone. Love, Kasumi*
Nabiki and Ryoga walked home in the cold night. Ryoga was starting to wish he had a jacket, but then again the cold didn't really bother him. They had seen some chick flick. Ryoga had fallen asleep, but Nabiki didn't know that.
"Didn't you think it was so great how Chad chose to marry Sally instead of Brittany?"
"Oh sure." Ryoga shrugged.
"Ryoga-baby, there was no Chad. You fell asleep didn't you?"
Ryoga shrugged. "Mayhaps I did." He admitted. Nabiki smiled.
"It doesn't matter. It was the worst movie in the world anyway."
"Thank god!" Ryoga sighed.
"Hmm . . . the lights are all out . . . wonder if everyone went to sleep already." Nabiki said.
"Maybe." Ryoga said.
He and Nabiki reached the door. She hadn't let go of his hand since they left the Cat Café, except to let him use the bathroom and after that she was talking about handcuffs, apparently he'd taken an hour to come out.
They went inside, no one was around. He wondered why everyone was out since the little clock said it was midnight. They should have been asleep.
That's when Nabiki groaned. "Ranma and the gang are in jail!" She cried.
"That's cool." Ryoga said. Part of him wondered what they had done, and lamented spending the night with Nabiki because it had probably been fun.
"Ranma dropped the soap? What's that supposed to mean?"
"You don't want to know." Ryoga shuddered at the horror stories he'd heard of people who went to prison and came out . . . acting like Tsubassa.
"Well it seems we have the house all to ourselves." Nabiki said in a seductive tone that even Ryoga caught. "What ever shall we do?"
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
The warm water from the shower . . . the relaxing feeling . . . ooh . . . that warm water, chasing away Ranma Saotome's feminine side. Ah yes, what a wonderful day to be alive, rather than soaking in some stupid tub he was taking a *shower* oh happiness abounds!
But then he tried to wash off his shoulders, and the soap slipped out of his hands. He bent over to pick it up. Then heard some one shout "Soap Dropper!" and then . . .
A/N: I want to thank everyone who originally reviewed this chapter, without their support the story might not have continued. Or something like that, reviews are cool because they let you know what people think. Although most people brown nose so you wont hate them, don't worry, I don't grudge opinions, I tend to ignore pointless personal insults that have nothing to do with the story though. I guess that is a way of grudging opinions though. Man, I'm such a hypocrite, huh? Is that even the right word? See I like to use big words so people don't think I'm a dummy like everyone else.
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 12
For The Dog Swinging Siren!
"Okay Akane," Nabiki said. "There is a *very* good explanation for what you've just seen."
"You two are in love!" Akane squealed, she began to dance around the room.
"That's not true," Nabiki said. "You see sweetie, some times when two people are very bored they might kiss or do other things just because they are irresponsible with their bodies and young and don't think they will grow up to regret it. Like Kasumi."
"What about Kasumi?" Ryoga frowned. Nabiki put her hand up to silence him.
"You see Akane, Ryoga and I are-"
"In love!" Akane cried.
"Howzat?" Ranma poked his head into the room. "Hey Nabiki, my martial arts skills ain't improved none, I want my money and my stuff back."
"You can have your stuff back but you never gave me any money." Nabiki lied.
"Ranma!" Akane shouted. "Are you listening to me? My big sister and your best friend are in love!"
"Hmm? Yeah I heard ya . . . best friend? Ukyo!?"
"Ryoga!" Akane cried.
"But Ryoga ain't my best friend, he's my rival!"
"You fool, Ranma!" Ryoga cried. "Why would Ukyo be in love with Nabiki?"
"Why wouldn't she?" Nabiki shrugged. "I'm attractive to both sexes, I'm sure. I mean I get offers from that waitress of hers whenever she thinks no one's looking."
"Her waitress is a . . . eh . . . never mind." Ranma said.
"Nabiki and I are *not*--" Ryoga began, but Akane cut him off.
"I saw you two kiss!"
"Which kiss did you see?" Ryoga demanded, a stupid move on his part since all he'd done was tell Akane that they had kissed twice. "'Cause the first time I was just trying to prove that it was possible to kiss like on those soap operas."
"What!?" Nabiki demanded.
"I wanted to prove Kasumi wrong!" Ryoga declared. "She said soaps aren't real! She said Anime wasn't real!"
"Ryoga . . ." Nabiki frowned. "Soaps . . . eh . . . aren't . . . eh I'm sure Kasumi was just kidding. You kissed me for nothing."
"Oh I wouldn't say THAT!" Akane cried. She held up a camera, "Lets take a picture of the happy couple!"
"What are you *on*?" Nabiki asked. "Since when do you care *who* I date?"
Akane glared at Nabiki. "You drafted me to marry a complete stranger, I get to muck around in your love life, it's a fair deal! And it's either THAT or I show everyone at school the tape Kasumi sold me! Containing your plans for giving me and Ranma competition!"
"Competition? Oh thank god!" Ranma cried. "Some one needs to smack Akane around a couple of times in Monopoly, she goes nuts and starts screaming like a whore whenever she's winning."
"Yes we know." Nabiki nodded.
"I'm so confused." Ryoga sighed. "What were we talking about?"
Nabiki shook her head. "Nothing. Because you and I are not in love, we kissed . . . on accident."
"Your tongue accidentally went into-" Nabiki slapped Ryoga to shut him up. Too late, the damage was done.
"A French kiss?" Akane squealed. She began to dance around the room again. "Wow! You two frenched! WWEEE!"
"Oh god I think I'm going to have to kill her soon." Nabiki growled.
"C'mon Akane, let's leave Ryoga and his new girl friend alone." Ranma grinned wickedly, winking at Ryoga.
Nabiki made a mad attempt to kick him in the crotch but he dodged her this time.
"If you really wanted to be my boyfriend you'd kick Ranma's butt for me." Nabiki mumbled.
"But I don't want to-"
"But then why did you kiss me?" Nabiki demanded. She glared at him. "To prove Kasumi wrong when she wasn't even around?"
"Eh . . . damn you and your logic!" Ryoga cried. "I don't know why I did it!"
"You wouldn't do it again, would you?"
"Why? Are you asking me to?" Ryoga scoffed.
"Maybe." Nabiki shrugged. "It doesn't mater. If you did I'd kick you in the balls so hard Ranma would feel it!" Nabiki sat down on her bed for a moment. And shook her head. "Okay! Fine! Get your jacket Ryoga."
"My what? I don't have a jacket."
"Well that's tough. I guess we'll have to buy you one."
"Why?" Ryoga asked. Nabiki grinned wickedly.
She turned to him and said, "So you don't catch a cold my pig-boy love muffin."
"What did you just call me!?" Ryoga cried.
"C'mon Snookums, we're going out for a while." Nabiki said, grabbing her coat with one hand, and Ryoga by the arm with her other.
"Snookums?! You're crazy!"
"That I may well be. But No one french kisses Nabiki Tendo and gets away with it!"
"But you frenched ME!" Ryoga cried as Nabiki dragged him out of her room. She walked by Akane's room and saw Ranma and Akane were actually playing monopoly.
"Hey!" She hissed. "Ryoga and I are . . . going shopping. Don't wait up. Keep an eye on the house. Make damn sure Kasumi buys Chocolate ice cream."
"Actually I prefer cookies and cream." Ryoga mumbled.
"I didn't ask you, did I!?" Nabiki hissed. She dragged him out the door.
She did hear Akane tell Ranma as they left, "Gee . . . a date already . . . we should follow them and take pictures then Nabiki wont be able to lie and say she isn't in love with Ryoga!"
"Why do ya care?"
"Because I'm nosy!" Akane cried.
Nabiki scowled. "C'mon Ryoga. You better be thinking of someplace romantic to take me!"
"Are you kidding!?" Ryoga cried. "I don't even know where *I* am half the time, you want me to take *you* somewhere?"
Nabiki nodded. "A valid point." She admitted.
Tatewaki Kuno waited in ambuscade for Fanged Wanderer and Nabiki Tendo. He would defeat this "Charlotte" and bring him to the Dog Swinging Siren of his very dreams!
"Why don't we just go to Ukyo's place?" Nabiki Tendo grumbled.
"Because Ukyo will just end up calling me a jackass or something." Her companion said.
"AHA!" Kuno cried, leaping from his ambuscade, he lunged forward. "Behold the power of Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder!"
"Hmm? Who are you?" Some guy asked.
"You are not Nabiki Tendo and Fanged Wanderer!" Kuno cried. He glared at the two five year olds and growled in frustration.
"Are you looking for *us* Kuno-baby?" Nabiki Tendo sighed from behind him.
"How did you get past my ambush?" Kuno whined.
"Maybe you're just slow." Nabiki Tendo shrugged.
"Well it is no matter! I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder will capture your pig." Kuno growled.
"Eh . . . how's about . . . NO!" Nabiki growled back. "P-Chan is . . . *was* Akane's pet. And Ryoga is my personal slave." Nabiki said.
"The disgrace!" Kuno cried. He glared at Fanged Wanderer-er Ryoga. "Face me in combat, and I, Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thunder, shall end thy suffering!"
"You like to say your own name a lot don't you?" Ryoga said. Nabiki Tendo slipped her arm around his and dragged him off.
"Let's go then, we've got things to do." She said.
"Eh . . . on second thought . . . I, Ryoga Hibiki accept your challenge Tatewaki Kuno!" Ryoga tore away from Nabiki and wielded a bandanna menacingly.
"You know, if I had arms I'd be happy." Tofu said.
"But you *have* arms." Akane frowned.
"Oh? Do I? I haven't been able to feel them for quite some time."
"Ya don't say . . ." Ranma shrugged.
"So . . . why are you two here?" Tofu asked.
"We were trying to follow Nabiki and Ryoga, but we're pretty sure they got lost somewhere and we can't find them now. We heard Kuno shouting at some one and decided to go in the opposite direction of his voice." Akane said. "They are on a date."
"Nabiki and Ryoga? Good for them. Power to the Lesbians!" Tofu cried.
"Uh . . . actually Ryoga is a guy." Ranma said.
"I know. What does that have to do with anything?" Tofu asked.
"Well ya said "Power to the Lesbians!" and Ryoga is a guy." Ranma shrugged.
"Quite so." Tofu said. "And I truly meant that. Power to Lesbians, they make life worth living!"
"Are you feeling okay doctor?" Akane asked. "You're a little . . . actually you're *very* out of character."
"I know. Fear not, the lesbians shall save me, I've seen it in a vision."
"The lesbians eh?" Ranma shook his head. "I pity you."
"Don't. In my vision I learn the lesbians are Bi and I get to make sweet love to them both. They both look like Kasumi as it were."
"Okay, we should leave now." Akane said.
"See ya doc!" Ranma shrugged.
Tofu nodded. He began to sing again. "I am Tofu! I live in the halls of the nice padded walls, I had a chainsaw but then the cops saw, they took my chainsaw and killed him, what a shame, society is to blame and now I'm in the halls of the nice padded walls!"
"Quick! Give him another sedative!" The doctor cried.
Meanwhile . . . lament all ye who read this next part . . .
"So you say you are a talk show host?" Kodachi demanded.
"Eh . . . yeah." Phil Satyr shuddered. This girl was pure evil, he could feel it in his bones.
"What sort of talk shows?"
"Well I have The Yesterday Show where I talk with stars about . . . stuff. And I have, The Dating Game, where I interview hot young chicks and set them up with hot young guys."
"I see . . . how is that working out?"
"Not so good." Phil admitted. "One time the bachelorette chose another girl from the audience, another the bachelorette was actually married and I ended up getting arrested, another time, after my parole, the bachelorette just ran off before the show ended. I have yet to play matchmaker successfully." Phil mused.
"Very well . . . I accept!" Kodachi said. "I will go on your dating game show, if my darling Ranma Saotome can be on the show as well."
"I didn't offer!"
"Mr. Green Turtle!"
A huge crocodile showed up from out of nowhere and lunged for Phil.
"HOLY MOTHER OF-You know you're just the sort of girl I'm looking for to launch my brand new, Japanese Dating Game!" Phil said. "I'd love it if you could come on the show!"
"Indeed I shall." Kodachi agreed. "If . . ."
"Right, I'll make sure this Saotome guy gets on too."
"It is a deal then. Excellent!" Kodachi laughed wickedly.
Nabiki sat at a table in the Cat Café. She watched impatiently as Ryoga continued to fight Kuno.
The two were down to just trading blows.
Ryoga lunged forward, hands balled into fists, Kuno dodged, and hit him in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. Ryoga took the hit in stride-as if he had any feeling in his head anyway-and kicked Kuno in the face, which the older boy also took in stride-as if *he* had any feeling in *his* head anyway-and the two inconsiderate martial artists left Nabiki alone at her table, to watch them in a state that was the closest she came to boredom since . . . well since that night she'd first learned Ryoga's dirty little secret.
"Hey! Ryoga!" She shouted. "Are you about done?"
"Almost!" Ryoga cried triumphantly as he knocked Kuno out of the air.
"You're helpless!" Nabiki whined.
"They still fight?" Shampoo sighed. "Stupid, stupid boys."
"You're telling me." Nabiki grumbled.
"Shampoo stop them. For price."
"Why does everyone want to be me?" Nabiki scowled.
"You get Shampoo date with Ranma!" Shampoo declared. "Promise this and Shampoo get lost boy stop fighting sword boy."
"Oh *that* all? Sure, whatever."
Shampoo walked out of the café, and glared at the two fighters. "AIYA!" She shouted. They both stopped and looked at her. She pulled her shirt up for a split second, and Kuno and Ryoga fell off the lamppost they had been playing "King of the Hill" on.
As it was, Mousse who hadn't even been looking in Shampoo's direction suddenly fainted with a bloody nose.
And Shampoo had only shown her belly button, she hadn't even done a complete flash. Nabiki scowled at Ryoga as Shampoo dragged him and Kuno to the table and set them down.
"Shampoo done Shampoo's part of deal. You do yours."
Nabiki nodded. "Yeah, I'll make sure Ranma dates you." She glared at Ryoga and Kuno. "As for *you* two!" She hissed at 'the men in her life'. "I don't take being ignored very kindly."
"My apologies Nabiki Tendo. But I must bring the Charlotte to my Dog Swinging Siren or I shall never earn her love again!"
"That eager to be Marianne again eh?" Nabiki scowled.
Kuno thought for a moment. "What are you talking about?" He asked.
"Hello? Anyone home? Don't you remember when she dragged you around calling you her Marianne?"
Kuno leapt up. "That's the SAME girl!?"
"Bingo Kuno-baby." Nabiki nodded. Kuno ran away crying.
Ryoga was panting. He shook his head. "Do you think Shampoo has a phone number?" He asked. "I should ask her for it."
Nabiki glared at him. "All she did was show you her belly button!"
"It was a cute belly button!"
"I have a belly button too, and you never asked for *my* number!"
"Yeah, well you're always blackmailing me." Ryoga shrugged.
"Oh sure." Nabiki said. "One little thing eh? One little mistake and you're going for Shampoo." Nabiki scowled. "Maybe I blackmail you, but at least I don't call you "lost boy"!"
"Yes you do! And you call me Snookums!"
"But in an affectionate way!" Nabiki grinned. She shook her head. "Okay, forget it. Let's just pretend Kuno didn't try to take you to Azusa, and think of something to do tonight."
"I can think of something." Ryoga said seductively.
Nabiki batted her eyelashes at him, "Why Ryoga, you-"
"We can set a trap for Ranma and destroy him!" Ryoga cried.
Nabiki sighed. "You're just sad. You know that?"
"I'm pretty happy right now." Ryoga said. "Your plans never backfire, you'll be able to come up with something brilliant, I just know it!"
"Maybe . . . maybe." Nabiki shrugged. "But what's in it for me?"
"The satisfaction of Ranma's destruction?"
"No, that's what's in it for *you*, what's in it for me?" Nabiki asked.
"What do you want?"
Nabiki shook her head. "I'll make you a deal Ryoga. Show me a good time tonight, and I'll get you Ranma tomorrow, after he dates Shampoo."
Ryoga seemed caught up in thought for a moment. Then nodded. "Alright, fine." He said. "C'mon then, let's go . . . eh . . . somewhere romantic."
"Where?"
"Eh . . . I don't know."
Nabiki sighed. "Why don't we just go see a movie then?"
"Yay! I've wanted to see the new Barry Totter movie for a year now!" Ryoga said.
"I doubt it's still in theaters." Nabiki sighed.
"Oh . . . well I don't really watch TV too often." He said. "I don't know what's in, and what's out of theaters."
"You're hopeless!" Nabiki sighed.
Akane and Ranma snuck around the Mental Institution's complex, dressed in complete black like ninjas. Ukyo and Konatsu were with them as well.
"Y'all came to the right girl Ranma-honey." Ukyo was saying. "If anyone knows how to break people out of prison it's me and Konatsu."
"We break each other out on a semi-regular basis." Konatsu shrugged. "Yep. Those girls in St. Athena's Female Correctional facilities (don't think it really exists, but I don't own it anyway) are the very ones who made Ukyo a 'woman' if you know what I mean."
Ukyo whacked Konatsu on the back of the head with her battle Spatula. "We agreed to never speak of that again Konatsu!" She hissed.
"Well here's the deal, we have to break Dr. Tofu out of the mental hospital, I'm pretty sure they are conducting mental experiments on him." Akane said.
"They better not try anything like that on ME!" Ranma said.
Akane nodded. "Don't worry, you lack the necessary equipment Ranma."
"That's good to know." Ranma said in relief. "Hey!" He cried when he figured out what she meant.
"Whoa! Whoa now sugar," Ukyo said. "A mental institution? I've never broken into one of those before, they have a security run tighter than any prison!"
"That's why we called you!" Akane frowned.
"Well . . . okay I guess we can do this. Let's go for it!" Ukyo cried. The four ninjas leapt over the barbed wire fence and ran for the compound. They didn't know it but soon they would drop like flies.
First the attack dogs took Konatsu down, and then the giant bubble thing engulfed Ranma.
"Keep running!" Ukyo cried.
"It hurts!" Konatsu screamed.
"This is the second time I've been trapped in something today!" Ranma shouted.
Akane could feel her heart pounding in her chest, she ran faster and faster, she heard Ukyo scream, she turned back and saw the spatula-wielding girl hanging by her leg from a tree.
"What kind of place IS this?!" Akane screamed.
"Keep going!" Ukyo cried. "It's all over for us!"
"I can't leave you! Oh wait-yes I can!" Akane cried, she ran for dear life.
"Hey! You're not really supposed to leave us! Hey! You slut!" Ukyo shouted after her. Akane turned around, ran up to Ukyo, slapped her, then ran off for the compound, screaming like a maniac.
Akane ran on, then the wolf riding security elements chased after her. One of them threw what looked like a pair of rocks tied together with a rope at Akane's legs, it tied around them and she fell forward in front of a big sign. Spotlights went on, one shining on each of the four trespassers.
A security guard walked up to Akane and used his flashlight to shine some light on the sign in
front of her.
"Can't you read?" He demanded.
The sign read:
Do Not Walk On Grass.
Kasumi came home late that night, she inspected the house. It was still in one piece. She looked
around but no one was home. There was a note from Akane.
*Dear Kasumi, took Ranma, Ukyo and Konastu to bust Dr. Tofu out of the institute, be back for dinner.*
Kasumi nodded. "How sweet of Akane to leave a note. Now where did Nabiki go?"
There was a second note:
*Dear Kasumi, by the way, Nabiki and Ryoga kissed and now they went on a date! Ranma and I tried to follow them but we lost them, that's why we decided to free Dr. Tofu instead. Don't wait up for them they said, and Nabiki want's chocolate ice cream*
Kasumi sighed. "Alas, young love. One sister on a date, one sister on a liberation mission, life is good for the time being." She said. "At least they are keeping active. I'd better start dinner." Then the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Hello, this is Dr. Malpractice." The voice on the phone said.
"Oh hello Dr. Malpractice. What's that you say? My little sister and her friends were trying to bust a patient out of your clinic but your security system busted them for walking on the grass and you want me to come identify them?"
"I didn't say anything like that!" The voice on the phone said. "But . . . that's exactly why I called. I'm at Nerima district prison with them. And you should hurry up, the boy Ranma dropped the soap in the prison shower, he's been crying all night."
"I'll be over in a moment." Kasumi said cheerfully. She decided to leave a note for Nabiki.
It read:
*Dear Nabiki, I'm going to go get Akane, Ukyo, Konatsu and Ranma out of jail. Ranma dropped the soap, I must rush, no time to cook dinner, please don't have sex while I'm gone. Love, Kasumi*
Nabiki and Ryoga walked home in the cold night. Ryoga was starting to wish he had a jacket, but then again the cold didn't really bother him. They had seen some chick flick. Ryoga had fallen asleep, but Nabiki didn't know that.
"Didn't you think it was so great how Chad chose to marry Sally instead of Brittany?"
"Oh sure." Ryoga shrugged.
"Ryoga-baby, there was no Chad. You fell asleep didn't you?"
Ryoga shrugged. "Mayhaps I did." He admitted. Nabiki smiled.
"It doesn't matter. It was the worst movie in the world anyway."
"Thank god!" Ryoga sighed.
"Hmm . . . the lights are all out . . . wonder if everyone went to sleep already." Nabiki said.
"Maybe." Ryoga said.
He and Nabiki reached the door. She hadn't let go of his hand since they left the Cat Café, except to let him use the bathroom and after that she was talking about handcuffs, apparently he'd taken an hour to come out.
They went inside, no one was around. He wondered why everyone was out since the little clock said it was midnight. They should have been asleep.
That's when Nabiki groaned. "Ranma and the gang are in jail!" She cried.
"That's cool." Ryoga said. Part of him wondered what they had done, and lamented spending the night with Nabiki because it had probably been fun.
"Ranma dropped the soap? What's that supposed to mean?"
"You don't want to know." Ryoga shuddered at the horror stories he'd heard of people who went to prison and came out . . . acting like Tsubassa.
"Well it seems we have the house all to ourselves." Nabiki said in a seductive tone that even Ryoga caught. "What ever shall we do?"
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
The warm water from the shower . . . the relaxing feeling . . . ooh . . . that warm water, chasing away Ranma Saotome's feminine side. Ah yes, what a wonderful day to be alive, rather than soaking in some stupid tub he was taking a *shower* oh happiness abounds!
But then he tried to wash off his shoulders, and the soap slipped out of his hands. He bent over to pick it up. Then heard some one shout "Soap Dropper!" and then . . .