Title: Western Thorn
Rating: PG-13 to R
Summary: It all started with a want ad in the paper. "Help needed for spring round-up. Cooks and experienced helpers needed. Call Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai at 407-555-BULL" Will this escalate into more than just a job? Sess/Kag pairing along with some San/Mir, Inu/OC, Kou/OC
Genres: Romance, Comedy, Drama, Modern Western, perhaps some slight angst
AN: I got this idea this morning while giving my horses hay. I had just finished reading a book like this and I thought to myself, 'I have never read a fic that is almost like a western.' That and the fact that I need to start another fic. *looks ashamed* And I haven't even finished my other three. Oh, well. That's the way the cookie crumbles. So here is my first attempt at a western. Flames are accepted, but they will be returned with scathing care.
Warnings: Swearing and citrus in later chapters. Remember, this is obviously AU so therefore, slight OOC is expected. Also, they don't have a southern drawl. I decided that Sesshoumaru would sound stupid talking with that accent so don't imagine it. It's enough to make anyone laugh.
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Disclaimer: I'm only typing this once so pay attention. I don't own them and probably never will. I'm a broke student who still needs to find a paying job so even if you did sue, you'd get about two cents and a can of Mountain Dew.
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'And I'm a terrible obeyer. All these inconvenient arguments spring to my mind, and I just have to make them.' -Nealen of Queenscove in Protector of the Small: First Test by: Tamora Pierce
Chapter One
He was with her again. My fiancé was with his ex. Talk about ironic. Last night when we ran into her at the restaurant, he was talking about her like she was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe. And now…ha…now I walk into my living room to see them making-out on my couch. In my house, in my living room, on my couch. Now I'll have to decontaminate it.
"Kagome…it's not what you think," the prick said as he hastily crawled off of the wench.
Was I pissed? Hell yes. "What do you mean it's not what I think? Were you not just making out with your ex? In my house? I didn't listen to my brothers when they said you were worthless, but now I wish the hell I did. Get out. Take your wench and get out of my house, Naraku." I glared at them full force when Kikyo looked at me from behind Naraku and smirked. My own cousin. I wish I had listened to Miroku. "Do you have a hearing problem? Get Out!"
I threw the 500-some dollar engagement ring (which looked like he paid 25 cents for) at him and slammed the door behind him. Shouldn't I feel sad or betrayed? After all, I did just catch my fiancé with his ex, my slut of a cousin. No…all I feel is the need to hire a professional cleaning crew as soon as possible. That and anger towards Naraku and Kikyo for making me spend the money on one. Professional cleaners are expensive.
I never want to see his face again. Sigh. I really need to call Sango. Maybe she'll have an idea on what to do. I need to take my mind off of them before I go to jail for murder or something like that. I dialed that familiar number as a cool from the bay blew in through the open patio doors. "Hello?"
"Hey, Kohaku. Can I talk to Sango?"
"Hey, Kagome. Sorry. Sango is out grocery shopping." Damn. "I'll tell her you called though."
"Thanks." I put the phone back in its cradle as I picked up the paper that the boy just threw at my door.
I skimmed through the parts about national news. Life was depressing enough without realizing how fucked up everything else was. I read the comics and smiled at Garfield's sense of humor. I laughed at some of the people in the singles section. One of them sounded like my brother. "Looking for a beautiful single female of any race, between the ages of 18-35, that's not looking for commitment." I'd be tempted to think that it was him if I didn't know that he liked Sango.
I reached the want ads and just skimmed through. I came across one that caught my eye. "Help needed for spring round-up. Cooks and experienced helpers needed. Call Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai at 407-555-BULL."
407-555-BULL? What the hell were they smoking when they came up with that. I reread it and saw who it was and nearly spit out my soda. Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai? The guy who owned one of the largest ranches in the country? What was his ad doing in a Green Bay paper? Isn't his ranch in Oklahoma?
The phone rang and I picked it up. "What do you want?" Okay. So I'm still a little pissed. Sue me.
"What do I want? You called me first, Kagome."
"Sorry about that Sango. I'm just a little mad."
"A little? That's an understatement. What's wrong? And don't try to blame it on PMS," she warned.
I sighed. "Naraku was making-out with Kikyo on my couch earlier."
"Kikyo? Isn't she his ex?"
"Yep. She also happens to be my cousin."
"What a jerk. Normally, I'd suggest some revenge, but I have a feeling that your revenge would consist of something to ruin Naraku's capped teeth and Kikyo's plastic surgery." I wonder how she knew. "How about if you get a job?"
"Like what?"
"Have you looked through the want ads?"
"Yeah."
"Did anything catch your eye or sound interesting?"
"Actually…yes. Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai is looking for help for the spring round-up. Maybe cooking for a bunch of smelly cowboys and girls is what I need. Or maybe I could help castrate the calves." I could practically feel the horns pop up at the evil thought that crossed my mind.
"I think not. You'd hurt the poor calves." Again. I wonder how she knows me so well. "You'd imagine Naraku's face on each of those poor babies and they'd bleed to death." Repeat of earlier thought. "You do cook pretty well. Especially when you make those Japanese dishes. If you call and apply, I'll call and apply. What's the phone number?"
"407-555-BULL."
"Okay. Call me when you call, okay?"
"Okay. I should probably call my brothers and tell them what he did."
I smiled when Sango groaned. "Your older brother is still a lech."
"I know. I'll tell him you send your love." I could practically see her blush as she squawked something about castrating him. "I'll call you later."
"Yeah. Bye."
I pressed the talk button and laughed. I then turned the phone again and pressed in the number to in the paper. It was answered on the third ring.
"Hello, Taiyoukai Ranch."
"Hello. I was wondering if the position as a cook is still open," I said in my sweetest voice.
"Yes."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"You'd cook three meals a day, six days a week and you'd get a place to sleep. It'd only be for three months and then the extra help would be gone."
Hmm…three months. That might be enough time for me to cool down.
"Are you interested?" the man asked in the same monotone he'd been using the whole time.
"How much does it pay?"
The amount he named made me look at the ad again. Holy shit. How many people do I have to feed?
"When do I start?" I can't believe I actually asked. When the hell did my brain die? Oh yeah. I remember. When that…jerk was making-out on my couch. Three months would give the cooties time to settle in and it'd give me an excuse to get a new couch.
"How soon can you get here?"
"Give me three days to get tickets and get my life in order and get directions to your ranch."
"Forget about directions. Call back when you get the flight number and I'll send someone to pick you up." Could this guy sound anymore excited? If he did, he'd probably die of a heart attack.
"Okay. Do you need extra hands?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Just wondering. I'll call when I get the flight number. Bye."
He didn't even say bye. Jeez. I called Sango and told her I got the job and to call me after she called. I then dialed the familiar number to my family's home in Milwaukee.
"Hello, Higurashi residence, Souta speaking. If you have a complaint towards Miroku, he's not home," he said. I smiled again. That's what Miroku told him to say and he has been saying it ever since my brother started to take care of him and my other brother after Mom died.
"Hey, Souta."
"Kagome! How've you been? When are you coming to visit?"
"I've been better, but I'm doing okay and I don't know when I'll be visiting. Where's Miroku?"
Souta sighed. "Watching a workout video."
"Put him on the phone."
I heard him yell for Miroku and a moment later, "This had better be good."
"Is that anyway to greet your sister?"
"Oh. Sorry, Sis. What's up?"
"Nothing really. How is Shippou, Souta, and…"
I felt slightly irritated when he interrupted me. "Everyone is fine, Kagome. Now tell me what's wrong." How does everyone know that something is wrong?
"I'll give you two guesses."
"Naraku did something to get you mad, didn't he?"
"Give the man a prize." I felt a little guilty for snapping at him, but hey…he was a man and I was pissed at the almost the whole male sex. Basically any man over the age of fifteen sounded good right now. "He was making-out on my couch with Kikyo. I need a little vacation."
"What kind of little vacation?"
"I'm getting a job cooking out of town. I'll be back in three months."
"Three months? What kind of job is it?"
"I'm cooking for Taiyoukai Ranch."
"What?!"
"Can you send a professional cleaning crew over here and have them clean and disinfect?" So I like the couch after all. It's comfortable, even if it is a little old and worn.
"What?!"
"Stop repeating yourself. Tell everyone I say 'hi' and now I'm saying 'bye'. I'm expecting a call from Sango. Bye."
"Tell her I send my love." I shook my head. He can be sweet at times, other times he's the biggest lech I know.
"I will. See ya."
"Take care, Sis." As I said…he can be sweet. Then he had to say in one of his 'innocent' voices, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"You do know that that would make me a lesbian."
He sighed. "True. Never mind. Bye."
"Bye. Try not to get murdered."
"Ha ha. Very funny."
"I thought so." Then I hung up. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a can of Mike's Hard Lemonade. I had a rough day. It was either that or regular lemonade and that would leave even more of a bitter taste in my mouth.
I raised the can and it was just resting on my lips when 'ring ring' went the phone. Never fails…about to get drunk for the last time in three months and someone calls. "Hello?"
"Kagome. I just got the plane tickets. The plane number is 365 and it leaves 1:15 Thursday afternoon from Milwaukee Airport. Do you know anyone that could watch Kohaku for three months?"
I though about it. "Yes. Miroku would. Plus, he lives in Milwaukee so we could drop him off on our way to the airport."
She groaned and finally agreed.
~*~
Damn my empty refrigerator. I have a hangover the size of Cleveland. Thank God for that tea Kaede made me. The original cure-all. Unfortunately, it tastes terrible and honey makes it useless. I chugged it down and then laid down on the couch to wait for it to start working.
I then went for my usual jog and then my self-defense class. I came home and found a picture of Mr. Wonderful. I went outside and pinned it to the bull's eye of the target. I took out my bow and arrow and started to shoot. When I got done, his picture had arrows through his eyes and one up each nostril. Ah…too bad it's not the real thing. I think that he'd look nice with no eyes and arrow nose rings.
I left the picture there and took the arrows out, went inside and started to pack. No use waiting until the last dog was hung. I had packed my clothes and decided to take a break. It was 5:30 so I turned on the TV and watched Yu Yu Hakusho for what might be one of the last times in three months. That means it was one of my last chances for three months to drool over Kurama.
I was crying because Kurama got hurt when the phone rang. Who the hell is dumb enough to call me from 5:30 to 6? Whatever. I'll let the answering machine pick up. I have to give Kurama moral support. He may be 300-some years old soul wise, but he's only 15 or 16 in his human body and he's a gentleman. He's not on my shit list. Too bad he's not real.
The answering machine picked up after four rings with a: Hi. This is Kagome and I'm either not home, busy, or ignoring the phone. Leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can…beep.
"Kagome. I know you're home." So much for trying to cool down. "It really wasn't what you thought…" The hell it wasn't. I turned the volume down and went back to watching Kurama. He beat that rock demon by destroying the red stone. I completely forgot about Naraku's call until I passed the machine on the way to make supper. My anger returned full force. I took the tape out ever-so-calmly, and tore the tape out of the plastic and through the casing in the trash and put the tape in a glass bowl and burned it. No…I'm not a pyro. I just wanted to see it burn. And it did, followed by an acidic smell and the earsplitting smoke alarm. I took the batteries out and put the contents of the bowl and flushed them down the toilet. I opened the windows and decided to eat out tonight.
Big mistake.
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I think I'll go to Subway. I have a feeling after the next three months, I won't want to see hamburger, let alone eat it.
I walked in and placed my order. I sat down facing the door and started to eat my sub. The entrance bell rang and in walked dumb and dumber. Holding hands. It's not what I think? Yeah. Right. And I'm Princess Di.
I ignored them and went back to eating my sub. Or tried to ignore them. I noticed that someone was blocking my light and looked up to see Kikyo's face. I raised an eyebrow and went back to eating. "Do you have any idea how many calories are in that?" she asked while pointing to my seafood sub.
I took a big bite and chewed it slowly, seemingly in thought, but really I just wanted to tick her off. "No and I don't care. Unlike you, I work and therefore lose the calories quite quickly. Now please move your fat body away from me. You're blocking my light."
"Kagome, this isn't like you," Naraku said, hugging Kikyo from behind. How can his arms reach around her? I don't even think that a gorilla's arms could.
I smiled sweetly, wrapped my sub up, put it in the bag, grabbed my Mountain Dew, and stood up. "Excuse me. I have some pressing matters to attend to elsewhere." With that I started to walk past them. 3...2...1. Like clockwork, Kikyo tried to trip me. Luckily I foresaw this and managed to 'stumble' so that my soda flew out of my hand and onto Kikyo. "I am soooooooooo sorry. How clumsy of me!" I said as I watched the soda smear her mascara. With that, I walked out. As soon as I was out, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more.
A satisfying end to a Tuesday.
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What do you think? Should I keep writing it or drop it? I need the feedback people. The next chapter should be out next week if I keep this story. And yes, Kagome is from Wisconsin. I visited there and loved the state. There are a lot of cows there (hence the name 'The Dairy State' or 'The Cheese State') so I thought that Sango might have a little experience with cows.