Charlotte's Web
Chapter 16
Science Class Rematch!
Mousse sat patiently in conference with the large dog. It seemed he could actually understand the dog's body language, it was his bad eyesight that made it possible.
"I see . . . she put ribbons in your fur eh? Whacked you with a mallet? I feel for you, you see my employer . . . perhaps future grand mother-in-law hits me quite often as well."
"ROWF!" (Does that doggy, twist shake get rid of water put it on owner thing)
"You don't say! A little pig? Yes I know of a man who becomes a pig, why do you ask?"
"ROWF!" (Scratches)
"Long lost brother eh? Well normally I'd find that hard to believe, but since most of us turn into something when struck with cold water I'll accept your story."
"ROWF!" (Confused look)
"No." Mousse said. "I don't know where your brother is now. But I am sure he will return when the Tendos return."
"ROWF!" (wags tail)
"You don't say . . . so Nabiki is an easy lay is she?"
"ROWF!" (Very confused look)
"And Akane has a thing for furry animals? Of course she does! She had P-Chan as her pet for the longest time! Even though he isn't really furry . . ."
"ROWF!" (Cocks eyebrow at Mousse)
"Whoa! You mean a *thing* for animals? I would never have known. Yet . . . she does seem the type."
"ROWF!" (Shrugs and leaves)
Azusa's father checked his watch hand. Still no watch. He was sure it'd been more than five minutes, but then again since those little scalawags hadn't given him back his watch he could feign innocence, and if his little girl beat the tar out of them, so much the better.
However when Azusa's skating partner, and some boy in a very old-fashioned swordsman outfit walked into the kitchen chattering about a pigtailed girl and rummaging through his kitchen he became very concerned.
"Just what exactly do you think you two are doing in my house this late at night?"
"Fighting for the dog swinging siren!" Sword-boy cried.
"Oh . . . well just don't eat the last of the pudding." Azusa's father said.
"There is pudding?" Azusa's skating partner cried, and both boys lunged for the fridge.
Ryoga was lost in thought. This was a trick, he knew it. He could be Charlotte for the rest of his life, or P-Chan, either way he'd be some girl's pet. That he really *really* liked one of them and really *really* hated the other made little difference as Nabiki treated him as a servant and Azusa treated him as a possession. Neither would do. But there were his . . . personal feelings for Nabiki to consider as well.
If he chose Azusa, he was fairly certain whatever it was he had with Nabiki would be over.
But what *did* he have with Nabiki? They'd been together once . . . but did he love her? He was pretty sure . . . but did she love him? Had she ever said it without a joking tone? Come to think of it . . . had she ever said it at all? Had he? Now he was confused, as most teenage boys are when it comes to women, especially two women.
In his mind he struggled with this thought, but also decided it'd be best to just go over to Nabiki before she got too angry with him.
His mind was filled with thoughts, questions, and a quest for answers, answers to questions he'd forgotten he'd asked, and answers to questions he hadn't asked yet. But he knew the easiest way to get the answers he did need would be to spend more time with the source of the questions, and for now that source was Nabiki. His mistress, his torment, his bane, his . . . love?
Too bad he wasn't concentrating on where he was going.
"And Ryoga has chosen Kasumi!" Ranma said in a sports announcer sort of voice.
"Oh my." Kasumi said drowsily. "I didn't know . . . I was one of the candidates . . ."
Ryoga looked around and realized he'd walked right past Nabiki, missed Azusa even, he'd walked right into Kasumi. "What the . . . how did this . . . I'm sorry it was an accident!"
"Oh sure it was." Nabiki said calmly. "I don't care, at least now we can go home."
"And the also-ran takes her defeat surprisingly well!" Ranma cried.
"Why wouldn't I? I'm pretty open to the idea of sharing my little slave." Nabiki said with a wink. "In fact since Ryoga will be spending all this extra time with Kasumi, I can take up a second boyfriend!"
"AHA! She admits Ryoga is her boyfriend!" Akane pointed a triumphant finger at her older sister.
"Who said the first was Ryoga? Did you forget Kinnosuke, my rival? How about Kuno, my hated enemy?" Nabiki asked. Ryoga shuddered because he wasn't sure if she was joking or acting or what. It was so hard to tell with the middle Tendo daughter.
"But then why would Ryoga spending time with Kasumi be a factor?" Akane demanded.
"Ryoga won't be spending time with me. He chose me by mistake, much like mother's decision to have more than one child. All a big mistake." Kasumi said with a friendly, clueless, Kasumi smile.
"Shish, cant you two recognize a joke when you see one?" Nabiki scowled.
"I recognized it!" Ranma said, waving his hands in the air.
"Quick, some one give Ranma a prize!" Nabiki sighed.
"Nabiki, I didn't mean to choose Kasumi, she wasn't an option remember? I was going for you, I must not have been paying attention." Ryoga said.
"Oh sure. I'm sure you just accidentally walked past me and stopped in front of my sister." Nabiki said casually. "Anyway, Azusa do you have Mikado's number?"
"Why?" Azusa demanded.
"He's cute." Nabiki said.
Azusa gasped. "You're right! Mickey IS cute!" Azusa ran downstairs screaming "Perault! Perault!"
"Well, let's get going." Ranma said.
"Well our clandestine strike at the zoo will go off without any problems . . . still . . ."
Soun said, "I've been thinking, and it may not be necessary to spring Genma. Maybe they would pay him to be their sign-wielding panda if they knew he was really a human. It could be a good paying job for him, he might actually stop living off *me* for a little while."
"That's what the half-a-million dollars is for. Besides, there are zoos in Japan that we can sell him to, at least that way he wont be spending his time with foreign panda-hussies!" Nodoka cried.
"Better he spend it with local panda-hussies?" Soun frowned.
"Exact-no! My husband shall perish today!"
"What? How'd we come to this?" Soun asked.
"I'm not sure . . . but now that I am set on it, I cannot be swayed! I will destroy Genma! And then you, so that there are no witnesses to my incredible heinous crime!"
"Why did we bring you along again?" Soun whined.
"That school teacher-hussy was busy, and you wanted *someone* you could easily get drunk and into bed."
"That wasn't it!" Soun cried. He thought for a moment. "No wait . . . yeah, that was it. And . . . do you have to call everything female a hussy?"
"Of course not! I haven't called your little skank daughters hussies have I? Huh?" Nodoka demanded.
"Well no, but you did just call them skanks."
"I'd never call anyone a skank! Especially not your hussies-I mean daughters! Curses! It is Genma, he has me so worked up! Now I will do one of three things. Here are our options, we can go over the plan again, I can murder you now to save time, or we can go have sex."
"I find option number three greatly appealing, but because you are my comrade's wife, and because I don't want to be murdered quite yet, I shall have to say option one." Soun said.
"Good! Because I might need you alive as a human shield as I escape the scene of the malicious zoo murder!"
"Gah! Why didn't we just wait for Hinako-chan to have some vacation time?" Soun groaned.
Nabiki and Ryoga didn't say anything the entire walk home, though Ryoga had made a half-hearted defense claiming that it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't put him up to such a stupid task. Akane wondered if Nabiki was being so stubborn because she was tired, or because she liked the sudden groveling attention Ryoga was paying her. After all, being the-Akane would grudgingly admit-smartest of the three sisters it would be strange for Nabiki not to realize that Ryoga had obviously gotten lost as only he could.
Of course that was a whole new level of screwing up and getting lost, one that put the normal
Ryoga to shame, but then, love did strange things to people, and Akane was certain Ryoga loved her sister.
That, and she now had a bet with Ranma running on wether or not Nabiki and Ryoga's relationship was out of love or physical lust.
Akane didn't see how it could be the latter since Nabiki knew countless guys, cuter than Ryoga-not that Ryoga wasn't cute-that she'd either blown off completely or just taken advantage of. It was as if Nabiki *had* no physical lust.
Then again, Akane also knew what Ranma didn't. That Ryoga would be Nabiki's ideal boyfriend. Gone most of the time she'd be able to cheat on him with whomever she wanted under normal circumstances, a little younger so if she wanted she could break up with him and claim she was just going to college, he was naive enough that he'd probably do whatever she asked him to-and so far to Akane's knowledge he had-not to mention that being-arguably-the second strongest fighter in the little martial artist community, and with all the freak martial artists showing up for Ranma now and then having a tough boyfriend would really have benefits in the field of protection.
Though come to think of it, Ryoga himself was one of the freak martial artists showing up for Ranma every now and then. In fact apart from Kuno's daily challenge, Ryoga probably fought with Ranma the most, though things were a little easier since they'd been forced to live under the same roof, Akane was fairly certain that that was just because there was no one around for Nabiki to pool bets from so she was holding Ryoga back.
And tomorrow-er today at school she'd probably find out if her sister were planning anything, though with Nabiki you only found out her plans when she wanted you to, or straight out told you. Or if you could catch her early in the morning right before she truly woke up, and get her into a sort of hypnotic trance of truth speaking. Akane had only managed to do that once, and now she began to suspect Nabiki had just played along since it was obvious to her now that the things her sister had said were all false, i.e. the world ending, something about some one called Loki escaping, and the answer to the meaning of life was not forty two, but twenty four.
When they got to the house though, Akane wanted to kill Mousse. Nabiki however handled things rather well . . .
"Okay . . . the TV is gone . . . the table is gone . . ." she'd said, writing up a bill for Mousse, one which really the amazon boy would probably never pay. But of course, Akane felt that Nabiki enjoyed the sort of debt that would not be paid because she got to torment the person in debt. "Our table is gone, what freak takes the table? The seat cushions are gone too . . ."
"Oh surely whoever took them needed them more than we do. After all, they are only material possessions and for a small price can be replaced." Kasumi said, the voice of reason.
"A price. That's right Kasumi. Well Mousse the table was a wedding gift to mother and father, but it had sentimental value so . . . one hundred thousand yen. Oh, and the Spice rack is gone too." Nabiki noted.
"The scoundrels must DIE!" Kasumi screeched so much for being the voice of reason.
"Lets see . . . what else is missing . . . I think that is everything . . ." Nabiki said, ignoring Kasumi who had gone into the kitchen and was sharpening butter knives and looking for the bigger cutting knives.
"I shall pay you this money back!" Mousse announced. "I swear that for every article that is damaged I will pay you it's worth!"
"Is that a fact?" Nabiki asked. She looked around, then Akane saw her break a vase on Ryoga's head. The shape-changing boy transformed into a pig and lay in a heap at Nabiki's feet along with a pair of roses that had been in the vase. "Family heirloom vase: ten thousand yen, flowers inside: three thousand yen, getting to smash something on Ryoga's head: priceless."
Akane frowned. "Wow . . . you've got a mean streak as long as Kasumi's nice streak."
"You can't compare streaks, they're invisible so to speak and so . . . why am I having this conversation with you?" Nabiki scowled. P-Chan just groaned as if he agreed with Akane.
"That is an incredibly pricey vase, and the roses are right out. But I will keep my word." Mousse unwisely reminded Nabiki of his foolish oath. The older girl looked around for something else to break, since Mousse was near blind he really couldn't tell that Nabiki was just messing with him.
She ended up breaking a dish on Akane's head, and Akane finally got the sleep she desired.
When Ryoga Hibiki woke up he was lying comfortably on a pillow on a bed . . . that again wasn't Nabiki's.
He looked around and to his horror saw they had him bunking with Ranma! P-Chan was caught between two instincts. One, kill Ranma while he could, two, find a source of hot water then kill Ranma. He chose the first option and made a-he thought-heroic leap for Ranma's throat, but two soft yet surprisingly strong hands caught him mid-leap.
The piglet made a face involuntarily that made Nabiki Tendo smile. Ryoga just glared at her.
"Ready for school sweetie?" She asked.
"Ernk!" 'No!'
"I'll bet you're really excited!"
"Oink! Ernk!" 'I said NO!' Ryoga thought.
"Great!" Nabiki said, Ryoga noticed she had a slight red hue to her eyes. Had she slept at all?
"Ernk?" 'Does she want me to fight Ranma again?'
"Don't worry, you won't be fighting Ranma today, he's playing sick again. I just want the pleasure of your company Ryoga, my darling."
'Darling eh?' P-Chan snorted.
"What enthusiasm!" Nabiki said with her characteristic grin. "Off we go, before everyone else wakes up!"
'Wha? Wait why don't we want them to wake up?' "ERNK!" Ryoga oinked in protest. 'I'm hungry!'
However P-Chan was helpless as Nabiki led him out the door, eventually deciding he'd be best suited to perching on her shoulder.
"Don't worry Ryoga, I brought you a spare change of cloths incase Ranma does show up, I know how much you like to take him on."
'Oh boy! I can't wait! Hey wait . . . I'm being sarcastic in my own mind! Gah! And I'm talking to mysel-stop! Gotta stop! No more talking! Enough!'
"The plan is simple," Akane said to Mikado. "You just jump in there when you see my sister and Ryoga, then challenge him to a duel, tell him that if he loses or declines you get to date my sister Nabiki, but if he defeats you you'll swear an oath of respect to him!"
"That's really lame Akane. Why would Ryoga care about an oath of respect?" Ranma sighed.
"Exactly! If he accepts then we know for sure that he doesn't want Nabiki dating Mikado! And Mikado is so handsome, the sort of guy Nabiki usually goes for so unless she likes Ryoga too she'll be completely neutral on the matter!"
"There is a flaw in your plan." Mikado said. "No woman can resist a date with me and your sister would likely sabotage her own defender in order to achieve a date with me!"
"That's a sacrifice I am willing to make!" Akane said. "I *know* Ryoga and Nabiki are madly in love, and I *know* this will prove it, then Ranma will owe me money!" Akane cried.
"Get a grip Akane!" Ranma sighed.
"I've really got no motivation to do this . . ." Mikado sighed.
"You think Akane Tendo is cute right Mickey?" Ranma asked.
"It's Mikado, and yes."
"Well if you think that tom boy is cute you should see her two sisters, Nabiki especially, makes Akane look like she was beaten with an *ugly* stick-WAK!" Ranma screamed as Akane kicked him so hard that he went flying out through a hole in the roof.
"If this is true then I will indeed fight for and win a date with this sister of yours." Mikado sighed. "But I'd rather date that long legged goddess from last night, the one with the short hair, and pretty brown eyes . . ."
Akane sighed. "That's her."
"Oh . . . she *does* make you look like you were beaten with an ugly stick." Mikado said. Akane kicked him out through the hole in the roof.
Ryoga was enjoying school this time even less than last time! He didn't have to dissect pigs, but science class still made him sick, and then during a break he'd accidentally been transformed into P-Chan and the instructor had tried to dissect *him*! What a freak! Nabiki had come in at just the right moment looking for him.
Now it was lunch time and Nabiki was again force feeding him, this time because she'd gone and made a bet about how much Ryoga could eat, and normally that'd be the sort of bet Ryoga would gladly take, the fact that she'd gone and made it without his consent after he'd just avoided being cut up into tiny pieces caused him to lose his appetite.
That's when it happened. That guy on skates showed up and made a startling declaration.
"I am Mikado the Great! And I have come to challenge Ryoga Hibiki for the right to date Nabiki Tendo!"
"Bargained well and done! Let the fight begin!" Kuno cried.
"Shut up Kuno!" Nabiki snapped.
But now students were swamping the middle Tendo daughter with questions about her and Ryoga.
"Wow Nabiki! I knew you were dating Ryoga!"
"I knew you two spent too much time together!"
"Don't tell anyone I set up a drug lab in your house last night okay?"
Ryoga scowled, but had to admit he was almost . . . grateful to Mikado for showing up when he did and effectively ending the eating contest.
"If I win, or if you refuse to duel," Mikado continued, pointing a threatening finger at Ryoga
"then Nabiki Tendo is *mine* and you are disgraced! But if you defeat me I swear I will respect you forever as my fighting equal!"
"I'm getting the short end of the stick here . . ." Ryoga grumbled.
Nabiki glared at him for a moment. "I wont force you to accept this one Ryoga-baby, but if you don't I'll know you don't really care about me. But then again, maybe that's what you want, since you like *Kasumi* so much more than me."
"What makes you say . . . oh yeah . . . I told you that was an accident!" Ryoga complained.
"Alright Mikado, I'll accept your duel, but not because I want your respect, or because I'm protecting Nabiki, I accept simply because unlike Ranma Saotome I don't run away from my fights!"
"Then we shall fight, two hours from now, at the skating rink!"
"Sk-skating?" Ryoga frowned.
"Yes, ice skating. Be prepared!" Mikado laughed.
"Can it be in a week?" Ryoga asked.
"Why?"
"I eh . . . I need a week to find my way there!" He said.
"I'll take you!" Nabiki offered.
"Nabiki! I need the week to learn to skate!" Ryoga whispered.
"Oh-ho . . . Okay Mikado, I'll get him there in one day! Tomorrow at noon you'll have your duel!"
"NABIKI!" Ryoga wailed.
"I accept! And middle Tendo . . . do not wear anything complicated, I believe two people as beautiful as we, should not have to spend too long on a date before getting down to business." He said, then he disappeared.
Ryoga glared at Nabiki, who glared back. "Ryoga," she said, "if you let him hit you just once, you can break his neck and it'll count as self defense, you wont be tried for murder . . . now on the other hand, I'd like it if you beat him to a bloody pulp and left him within an inch of death so that I could personally do the honors of killing the scum, but I'll let you decide what's best."
"Eh . . . Nabiki, did you forget that I can't skate?" Ryoga asked.
"Forget? I never cared enough to find out." The older girl shrugged.
"I just told you!"
"I wasn't listening."
"I'm doomed!" Ryoga whined.
"They are such a perfect match!" Kuno cried. Ryoga shoved his food down the older boy's throat. "Ah, thank you Fanged Wanderer! I was quite hungry!"
"Then bite your tongue!" Ryoga cried.
The next morning . . . on da islands . . .
Soun was enjoying the sunshine of the islands, he watched the bulldozers level the ground, Nodoka had called him crazy, but who was crazy now!? Who! Who!? Who?!
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Soun was having this particular area steam rolled and flattened, mostly because he could, there really was no other purpose. Eventually he might hire some Hawaiian workers to build a huge statue of him, however despite the travel brochures they weren't a bunch of grass skirt wearing primitives and when he offered them minimum wage to build a giant statue they mostly scoffed, or asked who the heck he was.
But Soun had made his decision! And soon his children would know that their father was King of Hawaii!
That is . . . if Nodoka didn't kill him first.
"You cant build a statue," she was saying, "you're not the king of Hawaii either, and before you even suggest it, we're not moving our families down here just so you can get out of having to sneak Genma out of the zoo with me!"
"Eh? I never said I wanted to sneak my family down to the zoo!"
"What? Hey that's not what I . . . you son of a-"
"Look! The ground is nice and leveled!" Soun cried.
"What good does that do us?"
"Absolutely no good at all." Soun smiled. "But I'm rich! And you're going to kill me soon so I might as well be . . . what's the word? Spontaneous?"
"I don't think Spontaneous applies to something this stupid . . ." Nodoka frowned.
"Really? Oh . . . well . . . I'll think of something to explain this." Soun assured her.
"Can we go get Genma out of the zoo now?"
"Is the plan still to kill me after we rescue Genma?"
"Yes."
"Then no we cant. Still more flattening to do."
"Damn you Tendo!" Nodoka whined.
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
"This is a Martial Arts Figure Skating Contest." Mikado said. "A Martial Arts Figure Skating *Pair* Contest."
Nabiki frowned. She looked at Ryoga, then at Mikado. Through her devilish plan Ryoga wouldn't have to know how to skate, but to actually put this plan into effect she had to be on the sidelines . . . this was not good.
She glared at a giggling Kasumi and knew her sister had known about this somehow.
"It doesn't mater!" Nabiki scowled. "At least *I* know how to skate."
Chapter 16
Science Class Rematch!
Mousse sat patiently in conference with the large dog. It seemed he could actually understand the dog's body language, it was his bad eyesight that made it possible.
"I see . . . she put ribbons in your fur eh? Whacked you with a mallet? I feel for you, you see my employer . . . perhaps future grand mother-in-law hits me quite often as well."
"ROWF!" (Does that doggy, twist shake get rid of water put it on owner thing)
"You don't say! A little pig? Yes I know of a man who becomes a pig, why do you ask?"
"ROWF!" (Scratches)
"Long lost brother eh? Well normally I'd find that hard to believe, but since most of us turn into something when struck with cold water I'll accept your story."
"ROWF!" (Confused look)
"No." Mousse said. "I don't know where your brother is now. But I am sure he will return when the Tendos return."
"ROWF!" (wags tail)
"You don't say . . . so Nabiki is an easy lay is she?"
"ROWF!" (Very confused look)
"And Akane has a thing for furry animals? Of course she does! She had P-Chan as her pet for the longest time! Even though he isn't really furry . . ."
"ROWF!" (Cocks eyebrow at Mousse)
"Whoa! You mean a *thing* for animals? I would never have known. Yet . . . she does seem the type."
"ROWF!" (Shrugs and leaves)
Azusa's father checked his watch hand. Still no watch. He was sure it'd been more than five minutes, but then again since those little scalawags hadn't given him back his watch he could feign innocence, and if his little girl beat the tar out of them, so much the better.
However when Azusa's skating partner, and some boy in a very old-fashioned swordsman outfit walked into the kitchen chattering about a pigtailed girl and rummaging through his kitchen he became very concerned.
"Just what exactly do you think you two are doing in my house this late at night?"
"Fighting for the dog swinging siren!" Sword-boy cried.
"Oh . . . well just don't eat the last of the pudding." Azusa's father said.
"There is pudding?" Azusa's skating partner cried, and both boys lunged for the fridge.
Ryoga was lost in thought. This was a trick, he knew it. He could be Charlotte for the rest of his life, or P-Chan, either way he'd be some girl's pet. That he really *really* liked one of them and really *really* hated the other made little difference as Nabiki treated him as a servant and Azusa treated him as a possession. Neither would do. But there were his . . . personal feelings for Nabiki to consider as well.
If he chose Azusa, he was fairly certain whatever it was he had with Nabiki would be over.
But what *did* he have with Nabiki? They'd been together once . . . but did he love her? He was pretty sure . . . but did she love him? Had she ever said it without a joking tone? Come to think of it . . . had she ever said it at all? Had he? Now he was confused, as most teenage boys are when it comes to women, especially two women.
In his mind he struggled with this thought, but also decided it'd be best to just go over to Nabiki before she got too angry with him.
His mind was filled with thoughts, questions, and a quest for answers, answers to questions he'd forgotten he'd asked, and answers to questions he hadn't asked yet. But he knew the easiest way to get the answers he did need would be to spend more time with the source of the questions, and for now that source was Nabiki. His mistress, his torment, his bane, his . . . love?
Too bad he wasn't concentrating on where he was going.
"And Ryoga has chosen Kasumi!" Ranma said in a sports announcer sort of voice.
"Oh my." Kasumi said drowsily. "I didn't know . . . I was one of the candidates . . ."
Ryoga looked around and realized he'd walked right past Nabiki, missed Azusa even, he'd walked right into Kasumi. "What the . . . how did this . . . I'm sorry it was an accident!"
"Oh sure it was." Nabiki said calmly. "I don't care, at least now we can go home."
"And the also-ran takes her defeat surprisingly well!" Ranma cried.
"Why wouldn't I? I'm pretty open to the idea of sharing my little slave." Nabiki said with a wink. "In fact since Ryoga will be spending all this extra time with Kasumi, I can take up a second boyfriend!"
"AHA! She admits Ryoga is her boyfriend!" Akane pointed a triumphant finger at her older sister.
"Who said the first was Ryoga? Did you forget Kinnosuke, my rival? How about Kuno, my hated enemy?" Nabiki asked. Ryoga shuddered because he wasn't sure if she was joking or acting or what. It was so hard to tell with the middle Tendo daughter.
"But then why would Ryoga spending time with Kasumi be a factor?" Akane demanded.
"Ryoga won't be spending time with me. He chose me by mistake, much like mother's decision to have more than one child. All a big mistake." Kasumi said with a friendly, clueless, Kasumi smile.
"Shish, cant you two recognize a joke when you see one?" Nabiki scowled.
"I recognized it!" Ranma said, waving his hands in the air.
"Quick, some one give Ranma a prize!" Nabiki sighed.
"Nabiki, I didn't mean to choose Kasumi, she wasn't an option remember? I was going for you, I must not have been paying attention." Ryoga said.
"Oh sure. I'm sure you just accidentally walked past me and stopped in front of my sister." Nabiki said casually. "Anyway, Azusa do you have Mikado's number?"
"Why?" Azusa demanded.
"He's cute." Nabiki said.
Azusa gasped. "You're right! Mickey IS cute!" Azusa ran downstairs screaming "Perault! Perault!"
"Well, let's get going." Ranma said.
"Well our clandestine strike at the zoo will go off without any problems . . . still . . ."
Soun said, "I've been thinking, and it may not be necessary to spring Genma. Maybe they would pay him to be their sign-wielding panda if they knew he was really a human. It could be a good paying job for him, he might actually stop living off *me* for a little while."
"That's what the half-a-million dollars is for. Besides, there are zoos in Japan that we can sell him to, at least that way he wont be spending his time with foreign panda-hussies!" Nodoka cried.
"Better he spend it with local panda-hussies?" Soun frowned.
"Exact-no! My husband shall perish today!"
"What? How'd we come to this?" Soun asked.
"I'm not sure . . . but now that I am set on it, I cannot be swayed! I will destroy Genma! And then you, so that there are no witnesses to my incredible heinous crime!"
"Why did we bring you along again?" Soun whined.
"That school teacher-hussy was busy, and you wanted *someone* you could easily get drunk and into bed."
"That wasn't it!" Soun cried. He thought for a moment. "No wait . . . yeah, that was it. And . . . do you have to call everything female a hussy?"
"Of course not! I haven't called your little skank daughters hussies have I? Huh?" Nodoka demanded.
"Well no, but you did just call them skanks."
"I'd never call anyone a skank! Especially not your hussies-I mean daughters! Curses! It is Genma, he has me so worked up! Now I will do one of three things. Here are our options, we can go over the plan again, I can murder you now to save time, or we can go have sex."
"I find option number three greatly appealing, but because you are my comrade's wife, and because I don't want to be murdered quite yet, I shall have to say option one." Soun said.
"Good! Because I might need you alive as a human shield as I escape the scene of the malicious zoo murder!"
"Gah! Why didn't we just wait for Hinako-chan to have some vacation time?" Soun groaned.
Nabiki and Ryoga didn't say anything the entire walk home, though Ryoga had made a half-hearted defense claiming that it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't put him up to such a stupid task. Akane wondered if Nabiki was being so stubborn because she was tired, or because she liked the sudden groveling attention Ryoga was paying her. After all, being the-Akane would grudgingly admit-smartest of the three sisters it would be strange for Nabiki not to realize that Ryoga had obviously gotten lost as only he could.
Of course that was a whole new level of screwing up and getting lost, one that put the normal
Ryoga to shame, but then, love did strange things to people, and Akane was certain Ryoga loved her sister.
That, and she now had a bet with Ranma running on wether or not Nabiki and Ryoga's relationship was out of love or physical lust.
Akane didn't see how it could be the latter since Nabiki knew countless guys, cuter than Ryoga-not that Ryoga wasn't cute-that she'd either blown off completely or just taken advantage of. It was as if Nabiki *had* no physical lust.
Then again, Akane also knew what Ranma didn't. That Ryoga would be Nabiki's ideal boyfriend. Gone most of the time she'd be able to cheat on him with whomever she wanted under normal circumstances, a little younger so if she wanted she could break up with him and claim she was just going to college, he was naive enough that he'd probably do whatever she asked him to-and so far to Akane's knowledge he had-not to mention that being-arguably-the second strongest fighter in the little martial artist community, and with all the freak martial artists showing up for Ranma now and then having a tough boyfriend would really have benefits in the field of protection.
Though come to think of it, Ryoga himself was one of the freak martial artists showing up for Ranma every now and then. In fact apart from Kuno's daily challenge, Ryoga probably fought with Ranma the most, though things were a little easier since they'd been forced to live under the same roof, Akane was fairly certain that that was just because there was no one around for Nabiki to pool bets from so she was holding Ryoga back.
And tomorrow-er today at school she'd probably find out if her sister were planning anything, though with Nabiki you only found out her plans when she wanted you to, or straight out told you. Or if you could catch her early in the morning right before she truly woke up, and get her into a sort of hypnotic trance of truth speaking. Akane had only managed to do that once, and now she began to suspect Nabiki had just played along since it was obvious to her now that the things her sister had said were all false, i.e. the world ending, something about some one called Loki escaping, and the answer to the meaning of life was not forty two, but twenty four.
When they got to the house though, Akane wanted to kill Mousse. Nabiki however handled things rather well . . .
"Okay . . . the TV is gone . . . the table is gone . . ." she'd said, writing up a bill for Mousse, one which really the amazon boy would probably never pay. But of course, Akane felt that Nabiki enjoyed the sort of debt that would not be paid because she got to torment the person in debt. "Our table is gone, what freak takes the table? The seat cushions are gone too . . ."
"Oh surely whoever took them needed them more than we do. After all, they are only material possessions and for a small price can be replaced." Kasumi said, the voice of reason.
"A price. That's right Kasumi. Well Mousse the table was a wedding gift to mother and father, but it had sentimental value so . . . one hundred thousand yen. Oh, and the Spice rack is gone too." Nabiki noted.
"The scoundrels must DIE!" Kasumi screeched so much for being the voice of reason.
"Lets see . . . what else is missing . . . I think that is everything . . ." Nabiki said, ignoring Kasumi who had gone into the kitchen and was sharpening butter knives and looking for the bigger cutting knives.
"I shall pay you this money back!" Mousse announced. "I swear that for every article that is damaged I will pay you it's worth!"
"Is that a fact?" Nabiki asked. She looked around, then Akane saw her break a vase on Ryoga's head. The shape-changing boy transformed into a pig and lay in a heap at Nabiki's feet along with a pair of roses that had been in the vase. "Family heirloom vase: ten thousand yen, flowers inside: three thousand yen, getting to smash something on Ryoga's head: priceless."
Akane frowned. "Wow . . . you've got a mean streak as long as Kasumi's nice streak."
"You can't compare streaks, they're invisible so to speak and so . . . why am I having this conversation with you?" Nabiki scowled. P-Chan just groaned as if he agreed with Akane.
"That is an incredibly pricey vase, and the roses are right out. But I will keep my word." Mousse unwisely reminded Nabiki of his foolish oath. The older girl looked around for something else to break, since Mousse was near blind he really couldn't tell that Nabiki was just messing with him.
She ended up breaking a dish on Akane's head, and Akane finally got the sleep she desired.
When Ryoga Hibiki woke up he was lying comfortably on a pillow on a bed . . . that again wasn't Nabiki's.
He looked around and to his horror saw they had him bunking with Ranma! P-Chan was caught between two instincts. One, kill Ranma while he could, two, find a source of hot water then kill Ranma. He chose the first option and made a-he thought-heroic leap for Ranma's throat, but two soft yet surprisingly strong hands caught him mid-leap.
The piglet made a face involuntarily that made Nabiki Tendo smile. Ryoga just glared at her.
"Ready for school sweetie?" She asked.
"Ernk!" 'No!'
"I'll bet you're really excited!"
"Oink! Ernk!" 'I said NO!' Ryoga thought.
"Great!" Nabiki said, Ryoga noticed she had a slight red hue to her eyes. Had she slept at all?
"Ernk?" 'Does she want me to fight Ranma again?'
"Don't worry, you won't be fighting Ranma today, he's playing sick again. I just want the pleasure of your company Ryoga, my darling."
'Darling eh?' P-Chan snorted.
"What enthusiasm!" Nabiki said with her characteristic grin. "Off we go, before everyone else wakes up!"
'Wha? Wait why don't we want them to wake up?' "ERNK!" Ryoga oinked in protest. 'I'm hungry!'
However P-Chan was helpless as Nabiki led him out the door, eventually deciding he'd be best suited to perching on her shoulder.
"Don't worry Ryoga, I brought you a spare change of cloths incase Ranma does show up, I know how much you like to take him on."
'Oh boy! I can't wait! Hey wait . . . I'm being sarcastic in my own mind! Gah! And I'm talking to mysel-stop! Gotta stop! No more talking! Enough!'
"The plan is simple," Akane said to Mikado. "You just jump in there when you see my sister and Ryoga, then challenge him to a duel, tell him that if he loses or declines you get to date my sister Nabiki, but if he defeats you you'll swear an oath of respect to him!"
"That's really lame Akane. Why would Ryoga care about an oath of respect?" Ranma sighed.
"Exactly! If he accepts then we know for sure that he doesn't want Nabiki dating Mikado! And Mikado is so handsome, the sort of guy Nabiki usually goes for so unless she likes Ryoga too she'll be completely neutral on the matter!"
"There is a flaw in your plan." Mikado said. "No woman can resist a date with me and your sister would likely sabotage her own defender in order to achieve a date with me!"
"That's a sacrifice I am willing to make!" Akane said. "I *know* Ryoga and Nabiki are madly in love, and I *know* this will prove it, then Ranma will owe me money!" Akane cried.
"Get a grip Akane!" Ranma sighed.
"I've really got no motivation to do this . . ." Mikado sighed.
"You think Akane Tendo is cute right Mickey?" Ranma asked.
"It's Mikado, and yes."
"Well if you think that tom boy is cute you should see her two sisters, Nabiki especially, makes Akane look like she was beaten with an *ugly* stick-WAK!" Ranma screamed as Akane kicked him so hard that he went flying out through a hole in the roof.
"If this is true then I will indeed fight for and win a date with this sister of yours." Mikado sighed. "But I'd rather date that long legged goddess from last night, the one with the short hair, and pretty brown eyes . . ."
Akane sighed. "That's her."
"Oh . . . she *does* make you look like you were beaten with an ugly stick." Mikado said. Akane kicked him out through the hole in the roof.
Ryoga was enjoying school this time even less than last time! He didn't have to dissect pigs, but science class still made him sick, and then during a break he'd accidentally been transformed into P-Chan and the instructor had tried to dissect *him*! What a freak! Nabiki had come in at just the right moment looking for him.
Now it was lunch time and Nabiki was again force feeding him, this time because she'd gone and made a bet about how much Ryoga could eat, and normally that'd be the sort of bet Ryoga would gladly take, the fact that she'd gone and made it without his consent after he'd just avoided being cut up into tiny pieces caused him to lose his appetite.
That's when it happened. That guy on skates showed up and made a startling declaration.
"I am Mikado the Great! And I have come to challenge Ryoga Hibiki for the right to date Nabiki Tendo!"
"Bargained well and done! Let the fight begin!" Kuno cried.
"Shut up Kuno!" Nabiki snapped.
But now students were swamping the middle Tendo daughter with questions about her and Ryoga.
"Wow Nabiki! I knew you were dating Ryoga!"
"I knew you two spent too much time together!"
"Don't tell anyone I set up a drug lab in your house last night okay?"
Ryoga scowled, but had to admit he was almost . . . grateful to Mikado for showing up when he did and effectively ending the eating contest.
"If I win, or if you refuse to duel," Mikado continued, pointing a threatening finger at Ryoga
"then Nabiki Tendo is *mine* and you are disgraced! But if you defeat me I swear I will respect you forever as my fighting equal!"
"I'm getting the short end of the stick here . . ." Ryoga grumbled.
Nabiki glared at him for a moment. "I wont force you to accept this one Ryoga-baby, but if you don't I'll know you don't really care about me. But then again, maybe that's what you want, since you like *Kasumi* so much more than me."
"What makes you say . . . oh yeah . . . I told you that was an accident!" Ryoga complained.
"Alright Mikado, I'll accept your duel, but not because I want your respect, or because I'm protecting Nabiki, I accept simply because unlike Ranma Saotome I don't run away from my fights!"
"Then we shall fight, two hours from now, at the skating rink!"
"Sk-skating?" Ryoga frowned.
"Yes, ice skating. Be prepared!" Mikado laughed.
"Can it be in a week?" Ryoga asked.
"Why?"
"I eh . . . I need a week to find my way there!" He said.
"I'll take you!" Nabiki offered.
"Nabiki! I need the week to learn to skate!" Ryoga whispered.
"Oh-ho . . . Okay Mikado, I'll get him there in one day! Tomorrow at noon you'll have your duel!"
"NABIKI!" Ryoga wailed.
"I accept! And middle Tendo . . . do not wear anything complicated, I believe two people as beautiful as we, should not have to spend too long on a date before getting down to business." He said, then he disappeared.
Ryoga glared at Nabiki, who glared back. "Ryoga," she said, "if you let him hit you just once, you can break his neck and it'll count as self defense, you wont be tried for murder . . . now on the other hand, I'd like it if you beat him to a bloody pulp and left him within an inch of death so that I could personally do the honors of killing the scum, but I'll let you decide what's best."
"Eh . . . Nabiki, did you forget that I can't skate?" Ryoga asked.
"Forget? I never cared enough to find out." The older girl shrugged.
"I just told you!"
"I wasn't listening."
"I'm doomed!" Ryoga whined.
"They are such a perfect match!" Kuno cried. Ryoga shoved his food down the older boy's throat. "Ah, thank you Fanged Wanderer! I was quite hungry!"
"Then bite your tongue!" Ryoga cried.
The next morning . . . on da islands . . .
Soun was enjoying the sunshine of the islands, he watched the bulldozers level the ground, Nodoka had called him crazy, but who was crazy now!? Who! Who!? Who?!
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Soun was having this particular area steam rolled and flattened, mostly because he could, there really was no other purpose. Eventually he might hire some Hawaiian workers to build a huge statue of him, however despite the travel brochures they weren't a bunch of grass skirt wearing primitives and when he offered them minimum wage to build a giant statue they mostly scoffed, or asked who the heck he was.
But Soun had made his decision! And soon his children would know that their father was King of Hawaii!
That is . . . if Nodoka didn't kill him first.
"You cant build a statue," she was saying, "you're not the king of Hawaii either, and before you even suggest it, we're not moving our families down here just so you can get out of having to sneak Genma out of the zoo with me!"
"Eh? I never said I wanted to sneak my family down to the zoo!"
"What? Hey that's not what I . . . you son of a-"
"Look! The ground is nice and leveled!" Soun cried.
"What good does that do us?"
"Absolutely no good at all." Soun smiled. "But I'm rich! And you're going to kill me soon so I might as well be . . . what's the word? Spontaneous?"
"I don't think Spontaneous applies to something this stupid . . ." Nodoka frowned.
"Really? Oh . . . well . . . I'll think of something to explain this." Soun assured her.
"Can we go get Genma out of the zoo now?"
"Is the plan still to kill me after we rescue Genma?"
"Yes."
"Then no we cant. Still more flattening to do."
"Damn you Tendo!" Nodoka whined.
To Be Continued . . .
Next Chapter . . .
"This is a Martial Arts Figure Skating Contest." Mikado said. "A Martial Arts Figure Skating *Pair* Contest."
Nabiki frowned. She looked at Ryoga, then at Mikado. Through her devilish plan Ryoga wouldn't have to know how to skate, but to actually put this plan into effect she had to be on the sidelines . . . this was not good.
She glared at a giggling Kasumi and knew her sister had known about this somehow.
"It doesn't mater!" Nabiki scowled. "At least *I* know how to skate."