Announcer1: We're receiving a lot of complaints about the Brock incident.
Crowds of angry people stampede the Nintendo headquarters, waving signs that say things like "We Want Brock!" and "Brock for Anime land!" It's not too hard to guess who leads the mob…Lisa.
Announcer2: We'll have to have contests to prove that Brock is worthy of becoming an Anime character again, and who is so weak that he or she will be kicked out of Anime Land forever!
~
All Anime characters from the show of Pokémon are assembled in a line. That would include Ash, Misty, Tracey, Brock, Lisa, Jessie, James, El, Cassidy, Butch, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy. Pokémon have no need to compete.
Announcer1: You will be tested on facing your fears, bravery, and teamwork. The first test will be facing your fears. You will be made into four groups of three and will enter caverns. There are three chambers in each cavern where each one of you will face your most terrifying fear.
Announcer2: Now I will read off the groups. Group #1: Ash, Tracey, and Butch. You will be competing in cavern #1. Group #2: Misty, Jessie, and Cassidy. You will be competing in cavern #2. Group #3: Brock, James, and El. You will be competing in cavern #3. And finally, Group #4: Lisa, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy. You will be competing in cavern #4.
~
Misty and Cassidy stare at each other with intense hatred.
Jessie: Oh, come on now, let's all be friends. I'll go first.
Cassidy: Oh no you won't! I'm going first, then you, and then Misty.
~
Brock: Let's get this over with. I'll go first.
~
Officer Jenny: Oh really, Joy, you should go first.
Nurse Joy: Oh honestly, Jenny, you're too kind. You should go first.
Lisa: I'm going first, since you're both too honorable to decide!
Three of the groups have only just entered their caverns, but Butch emerges triumphant from the other side of his cavern! But Ash and Tracey… Where are they?
~
Cassidy enters her chamber. Even though she cannot see anything, she quakes with fear and her lip trembles.
Cassidy: It's…it's…the b…boogeyman! Eeek!
Jessie: She's a nutcase.
Misty: Oh really? Tell me something I don't know!
~
Brock: Ah! Look at all the pretty girls!
He tries to ask many of them out on dates, but they all refuse.
Brock: Nooo! I'm a failure as a man!
El: "Disgrace to the human race" would be more like it!
~
Lisa enters her chamber. At once a voice booms out of nowhere.
Announcer1: Brock will never be admitted to Anime land again!
Lisa: Nooo! Brooock!
Officer Jenny: That's good. At least he won't bug us to go out on dates anymore. Right, Joy?
Nurse Joy: You said it, sister!
~
After convincing Cassidy that the bogeyman does not exist, Jessie enters her chamber. A gigantic mirror floats in the middle. Jessie looks petrified.
Misty: You have to go look in it!
Jessie gulps and walks up to the mirror. She takes a deep breath and looks in it…
Jessie: AHHH!
Cassidy: I can't see anything wrong with her…
Jessie: …I have a pimple…
~
El: I'll be right out. You guys wait here.
Brock & James: Okay.
El enters her cavern and emerges a few minutes later. The three continue.
~
Nurse Joy: No, Jenny dear, I insist.
Officer Jenny: Oh, but Joy, that's too kind o you.
Lisa: Oh for goodness sake, just go at the same time!
Nurse Joy: What a wonderful idea!
Officer Jenny: Why thank you!
Lisa: Just GO!
Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy enter their cavern, and a man confronts them.
Nurse Joy: Can I help you? Are you in need of medical assistance?
Man: No, I'm quite fine, thank you.
Officer Jenny: You must be a criminal then! I'll arrest you!
Man: (holds up his hands in handcuffs) I've already been arrested, but thank you for the offer.
Officer Jenny & Nurse Joy: NOOOOO!!
Lisa rolls her eyes.
~
Misty: EYAAAAAH!!!
Jessie: Oh for goodness sakes! It's just a bunch of Caterpies! It's not like they can hurt you or anything!
Cassidy: Yeah! ...Is that a Weedle? Uh-oh…
Jessie: Listen to the pot calling the kettle black.
~
Announcer1: Three of the four groups have emerged for their caverns! But we are still waiting for Brock, James, and El.
~
James: Jessie!
Brock: Heh. It's not too hard to guess that Jessie is James' worst fear. She's always smacking him around and calling him names.
El: Shhh. I think there's more to it than that.
James: Jessie! It's so great to see you! (hugs Jessie)
Jessie: (pushes James off) I can't believe you, James. You just don't take a hint. Well then, I'll tell you straight out. I hate you, James. I hate you and I never want to see you again.
James drops to the floor of the cavern as a tear trickles down his face.
Brock: I don't believe it.
El: He loves her…
~
Announcer1: If they don't hurry, they may be disqualified because of this outrageous time!
Announcer2: But what's this? …It's James, coming up fast!
James is running so fast that he creates a cloud of anime dust. He runs straight up the hill, smack into Jessie.
James: Jessie!! I'm so sorry!! Don't ever leave me!!!
Jessie: James, what are you talking about?
El and Brock come huffing up behind.
Brock: Ah, so the duo is reunited.
El: Perhaps it would be best to leave them alone for a bit.
El and Brock leave Jessie and James with much winking and whistling.
Jessie: What was that all about?
James: You won't ever leave me; will you, Jessie?
Jessie: Of course not! Why are you so worried?
James: (blushes) Well…because…I, um…that is, I-
Doctor: Clear the way! Two VERY sick patients coming through!
Jessie and James steps aside, out of the way of the Chanseys carrying two stretchers. They are followed by Misty, who appears very worried.
Jessie: Who was that?
Misty: Ash and Tracey. They've really done it this time.
James: What happened?
Misty: Apparently, their fears defeated them. Ash was informed that he was the worst trainer in the world, and he went crazy, banging his head on the wall and everything.
Jessie: And Tracey?
Misty: He walked into the cavern, and found all of his drawings in a big bonfire. And, well, he tried to save them.
~
Announcer1: The next test is bravery! You will be sent face-to-face with a Gyarados!
Jessie & James: A GYARADOS?!? (fear hug)
Announcer2: First up will be group #3: Brock, James, and El!
El and Brock walk up to the pool.
James: Jessie, if I die, will you never forget me?
Jessie: Of course not, James, and will you never forget me?
James: Oh Jessie, how could I?
Brock: Come on, James, we need your help!
Announcer1: A fantastic job of defeating Gyarados! Congratulations, Brock, James, and El!
Brock: Huh?
El stands at the side of the lake, grinning sheepishly.
El: Sorry. I thought we were supposed to start.
Announcer2: Next up, we have group #2: Jessie, Misty, and Cassidy.
Jessie and James automatically go into another fear hug.
Cassidy: (drags Jessie away) We don't have time for this. Our team needs all the help it can get.
Misty: I've got this under control, you guys! Water pokémon are my specialty!
Cassidy: (sniggers) Oh, I don't know. That Gyarados could be defeated just by looking at Jessie's face!
Jessie: Grrr! (pulls out her anime frying pan and aims a whack at Cassidy, but Cassidy ducks and Jessie hits the Gyarados instead)
Announcer1: And that Gyarados is down and out, thanks to Jessie's skill with a frying pan!
Announcer2: Now we have Lisa, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy.
Lisa: This is a great opportunity! I'm going to catch that Gyarados!
The Gyarados jumps out of the pond.
Nurse Joy: Oh no! It's hurt! (runs up to the Gyarados and begins petting it) Oh, poor thing!
The Gyarados looks angry and snaps at Nurse Joy.
Officer Jenny: Watch out! That thing is a hazard to society!
Lisa: Oh for goodness sakes! (throws a pokéball and catches Gyarados)
Announcer1: Amazing! Lisa caught that Gyarados in just one try with a standard pokéball! We have a very talented trainer on our hands!
Announcer2: Next we would have Ash, Tracey, and Butch, but due to…erm…technical difficulties, that team has no need to compete.
Cassidy: Butch could take on that Gyarados single-handed!
Announcer2: Please report to the designated area tomorrow for the "teamwork" challenge.
Jessie: I wonder what that would be?
James: Well let's leave that until tomorrow. Since we're competing in this contest, we've been booked free hotel rooms!
~
El: (grins) There's only one thing to do at sleepovers!-
James: Yeah, sleep.
El: I was going to say play truth or dare, but y'know…
Jessie: I'll play truth or dare with you, El. I love that game.
James: Have fun being tortured. G'night.
El: So Jessie, truth or dare?
Jessie: Dare, of course.
El: Hmmm, you and James are exact opposites. Last time, as I recall, we ran out of truth questions…
James: Did not! I am just as capable of doing a dare as Jessie!
El: Uh-uh.
James: Uh-huh!
El: Uh-uh!
James: Uh-huh!
El: Prove it!
James: Okay!
El: It just so happens that I have a little plan for our friends down in hotel room 17…
James: But that's Butch and Cassidy's room! They'll eat us alive!
El and Jessie stare at James.
James: I mean… They don't scare me! Let's go!
~
El: I'm glad we brought you along, James. You're a good lock pick!
Jessie, James, and El sneak into Butch and Cassidy's room with their supplies: several bottles of honey, shaving cream, and water balloons. They cover the floor in honey, spray Butch and Cassidy with shaving cream, and place the water balloons in strategic places.
~the next morning~
Announcer1: Well the gang's all here…save for two. Where are Butch and Cassidy?
El, Jessie, & James: Heeheehee.
Announcer2: I don't know, but they better show up soon if they don't want to be disqualified.
Announcer1: Could this be them?
Cassidy and Butch zoom up, screech to a halt, and tumble out of their car.
Cassidy: Sorry. Had a bit of trouble getting out of a STICKY SITUATION.
Butch: Yeah, and I just couldn't leave without SHAVING this morning.
Cassidy and Butch glare at Jessie, James, and El, who smile innocently and sprout angels' halos.
Announcer1: Well without further ado; let's begin, shall we?
Announcer2: (gestures towards a lake, on which there is a rock protruding from the center like a platform high above the water) Your task is to form a human tower on that rock. Anyone who falls into the lake will not only have to deal with the Gyarados, but they will be disqualified as well. Anyone caught pushing someone else into the lake is going against the rules and will be considered for elimination. Good luck; let's get started!
Both the announcers relax on beach chairs and sip lemonade as they watch the antics of the cast of Pokémon.
Cassidy: I suggest the strongest person be on the bottom, so I nominate Butch!
Jessie: I suggest the heaviest person be on bottom, therefore I also nominate Butch!
Cassidy: If we're going by the heaviest, then I nominate Jessie's big head. It's a wonder her neck can hold it up!
Jessie: Why you-
Misty: Come on, you guys. There's no time for arguing. Let's be done with this teamwork test so we can all go home.
Officer Jenny: That's a great idea. But I think the smartest person should hold up the rest of us. I nominate Lisa.
Lisa: That's very kind of you, officer, but the nicest should be the anchor. I nominate Brock.
Brock: But only the prettiest can hold us all safely. May I suggest Nurse Joy?
James whispers something in Jessie's ear.
Jessie: I propose the man who's scared of heights, because he'll clearly be no help up in the stratosphere.
Despite some mocking giggles, the cast agrees upon this and sets about building the human tower.
Ash: Could someone please remind me again what we are doing?
Misty: (sighs) We've got to build a human tower on this rock in the middle of a lake without falling off into the perilous depths and get eaten by Gyarados.
Ash: Gyarados?
Misty: Yes.
Ash: Cool! I wanna catch one! (jumps off the plateau into the lake)
Tracey: Nooo! Ash, I'll save you! (jumps off after Ash)
Jessie: Well, our human tower is two people shorter.
~
After much arguing and scrambling of positions, the tower goes, from bottom to top: James, Brock, Butch, Cassidy, Lisa, El, Misty, Jessie, Nurse Joy, and Officer Jenny.
Lisa: (yells to the announcers) We've finished building the tower! Have we proven ourselves? …Can we come down now?
Announcer1: Mwahahaha… They've fallen right into our trap!
Announcer2: You fools! Now you're trapped up there forever! The purpose of this entire contest was to put an end to Pokémon once and for all!
Announcer1: So long, suckers!
Both announcers drive off in their fancy car.
Nurse Joy: What will we do now?
Officer Jenny: I've got a cell phone! We'll just call for help! (pulls out her cell phone and promptly drops it) Oops…
Below, James is whacked on the head with the cell phone, and then catches it.
Officer Jenny: Call 9-1-1!
Nurse Joy: 5-1-1? What's that for?
Jessie: Officer Jenny said dial 5-1-1! Pass it down!
Misty: Officer Jenny is a vile fine one? …Pass it down…
El: Huh? …Jenny has a mile fine done… Pass it down…
Lisa: Jenny has a liable doom… Pass it down…
Cassidy: Jenny has a live old doom. Pass it down!
Butch: Uh, Jessie has a live old Yule… Pass it down?
Brock: (giggles) Jessie has a love for you!
James: Really?
Brock: Well, that was the message.
Officer Jenny: Maybe he doesn't know how to turn on the cell phone… Tell him to press the red button!
Nurse Joy: Press the red button! Pass it down!
Jessie: Press the right button! Pass it down!
Misty: Press the light button! Pass it down!
El: Press the light baton? Pass it down…
Lisa: Press the light beauty-thon! Pass it down!
Cassidy: Press the light, cutie-one! Pass it down!
Butch: (blushes) Uh, Jessie likes cute ones?
Brock: Jessie likes your cuteness!
James blushes, giggles, and promptly drops the cell phone over the edge. Everyone gasps.
Jessie: If I ever get down from here, I'm going to kill him.
Everyone stands…er…balances in complete silence until by absolute random coincidence a cappuccino machine on wheels is peddled along by a blue midget.
El: They've got COFFEE!!! (jumps and pulls everyone along with her to the safety of solid ground)
Lisa: Well thank you, El.
James: (runs towards Jessie, expecting a hug or kiss or something) Jessie! *WHAM! KERPOW!* Ouch… What was that for?
Officer Jenny: Now only one problem remains…
El: After that cappuccino machine!
Officer Jenny: No! After those announcers!
~
Brock: According to my calculations, the announcers should be across the meadow, highway, and up yonder waterfall. Who knows what other obstacles they may have standing in our way?
Lisa: Well it's clear that we should send someone after them that has incredible determination and energy.
Everyone immediately looks at El, who grins nervously.
El: Perhaps maybe I should have a backup?
Officer Jenny: Does anyone else have a love for sugar?
They are interrupted by a loud crunch, and they look around to find James munching on a chocolate chip cookie.
James: Er…heh heh…
Officer Jenny: Well that's settled then. Tomorrow shall begin the test of hyperness!
~
James: Jessie, I can't do this!
Jessie: Oh James, this should be no sweat! Now I've just brewed you some coffee; have a sip.
James: (sips the coffee and makes a face) Blech!
Jessie: (glares at James) Drink up!
~later~
Jessie: Feeling happy yet?
James solemnly shakes his head.
Jessie: In that case, try some sugar.
James does, but after about the tenth spoonful, he can't take anymore.
Jessie: (rolls her eyes) Well then this just calls for plain silliness!
After a bunch of cartwheels and silly face, James is still not feeling very hyper.
Jessie: I can't believe this. My funny faces always make people go crazy!
As if to prove her point, James looks like even more of a rock.
Jessie: And sugar always helps! Just one more spoonful!
James grimaces.
Jessie: And apparently, all that coffee has done nothing for you!
James: Jessie, I have to pee.
Jessie: Well, it may have done something…
Officer Jenny: (standing next to a bouncingly hyper El) May I see all contestants over here, please.
Jessie: Well, I've done all I can. Good luck, James! (plants a kiss on James' cheek)
As Jessie walks away, James places a hand to his cheek and then lightly begins hopping up and down…
~
Officer Jenny: Let the race…begin!
El and James are off across the meadow.
El: There's a bright golden haze on the meadow; there's a bright golden haze on the meadow…
James: Are you SINGING?!
El: Yup! It makes me think about my fancy!
James: …Crazy hyper people. I'll never understand them.
Jessie: GO JAMES!! YOU CAN DO IT!
James blushes and puts on an extra burst of speed and reaches the highway. El bounces right through, causing all kinds of accidents and catastrophes. James, however, stops at the edge and jogs back and forth.
James: I can't do this! This is crazy! (looks ahead at El already gaining distance) Well, here goes nothing… So long, Jessie… (runs across with his eyes closed, then looks back and realizes that he crossed at a red light)
~
James: How are we going to get UP this waterfall?
El: Like this! (plows up and away)
James: Where does she get all of her energy? (sees a mechanical lift at the side of the waterfall) Hmm…
~
James reaches the top, but finds El long gone. He's wondering which way he should go when a random Fearow picks him up and begins flying away.
James: Eyaaaaah!
~in a building not too far away~
El: Hand over all your coffee!
Announcer1: But- that's impossible- how did you-
At that exact moment, the Fearow drops James through the roof.
El: See! We've got you surrounded!
Announcer2: Well done. You've completed your test.
Suddenly the cast of Pokémon bursts through the door.
Jessie: James! You made it! (huge hug)
El: So who is it that's being kicked off the show?
Announcer2: Well, two people tied for last place. We decided that the main character shouldn't be fired, so that leaves…
Announcer1: Tracey!
The winter was long and hard, and they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels, and there was much rejoicing.
Officer Jenny: And that's not all! We've cooked up a spectacular prize for whoever won the hyperness contest!
James: Well, El DID get here before me…
El: Yay! What's the prize?
Officer Jenny: A wonderful kiss from the lovely Jessie!
El: Blech! I think I'll have to pass to James.
Narrator: (holds up a "THE END" sign) I think they deserve a little privacy, don't you? Well that, my friends, is the true story of how Brock Rock replaced Tracey Sketchit.