Disclaimer: You see, Rurouni Kenshin was mine, but I promised Watsuki-sama that I'd give it to him for his birthday, aren't I just sweet? However, the lyrics do not belong to me!
When Day turns into Night
It's been years.
Years since I've last seen you. My life has changed so much since then, I'd almost forgotten that you used to be such an integral part of my life.
But as I sit here, at the porch, fingering my sakabatou, my silent vow of love for you, and staring out into the crimson sunset, I can't help but think of you.
Nobody's there when you get home
Life was so difficult after you left, it was like time stopped making sense. The world outside was passing in a blink of an eye, but I was hardly moving a step forward.
Pausing in my thoughts, I glanced to my right, as though rows and rows of vegetation would greet me, like they did in our house.
Nothing, only a wide expanse of loneliness before me.
I never shook that habit musing at the sunset. It was our habit and I would not shake it for the world. But now, without you here, it was just a ritual with no meaning.
It reeks like dust in my mouth.
You sit there waiting for my call
Nobody understands my adoration for cooking. To them, it's a demeaning job for the former hero of Japan, it strips me of my dignity and pride, and more than anything else, it was assumed to be my excuse off eating Kaoru's cooking. But to me, it's an action borne from love. It's something that more than takes my mind off the memories, off the blood... something that you offered to me. In every onigiri, every bowl of miso, there's a piece of your heart and your love. And so, as I do the same for my patchwork family, I cloud out the tfact that the knife is not held by you, the vegetables are not cooked by you and that the kitchen does not smell of white plums.
I hate the fact that you're not here
I sighed into the sunset that bled hues of red across the sky as my thoughts led me to that day once more.
"I'm sorry..."
How I loathed those words. Those simple words that took you away.
And I know I leave you on your own
Pulling the sakabatou from its original place at my waist, I placed it in front of me, the hilt lying on my shoulder.
I am not equipped for loneliness.
It feels strange, but it's true. I've spent many years by myself, finding my path and learning to walk it. Yet, the happiest times I've ever seen, were the ones where I was not alone, where silence was borne out of choice and not circumstance and where I can lay the world at the doorstep and fall into your embrace.
And I need you to be strong
I remembered those nights, filled with nightmares. We would cling onto each other, you drawing from my strength as much as I, from you. Then, we believed in the lie of eternity, trusting in our emotions to buoy us through the tough times.
Truth slapped me that fateful night. She slapped me like the cur that she was.
What I feel you feel inside
Footsteps padded behind me, silently crying for my attention but I refused to acknowledge it. The company that was offered was rejected. I didn't need another person to intrude upon my moment with you.
Noting the refusal to leave my self-imposed solitude, the intruder left, disappointed.
'Gomen, Kaoru.'
I did not want to lie anymore.
Love does not meet a person twice. At least not a person like me.
But now I'm counting down the days till I get there
Fury and exasperation at my situation rose like bile through my body as my hand reached for the hilt, slamming the sakabatou none too gently on the porch. Splinters flew everywhere as the tremors throughout the wooden house caused it to shake slightly.
At least I'm not the only thing breaking here.
Footsteps thumped through the house as a figure appeared at the doorway. Disheveled and unkempt, the person peered unsure at me.
"I'm sorry, Kaoru." I apologised as sincerely as I could muster myself to, not without wincing at those words that I detested. "I'll fix it."
"No you're not." The blunt words shattered my facade in one swipe.
"Yes, you're right." I sighed, resigned.
No point lying anymore.
I waited for an outburst, a bokken to my head, sharp words that didn't hold much anger.... But nothing happened.
"I know I'm here to replace her. And I know, I'm not good enough." was all she said when turned, walking back into the dojo.
When the day turns into night
The sun set in the horizon, it's final rays leaving the earth as darkness enveloped the land.
The days, I give to the woman I chose to live the rest of my lonely life with, burdening her with the shadow of another woman who would forever darken the already murky relationship.
And the nights? They belong to the woman I gave my heart to.
I hate to say goodbye it gets harder every time
She'd left me once, now she's leaving me again.
Pulling out a ring from my pocket, I gazed solemnly at the sapphire embedded in the gold band.
Our witness to faded love.
"I love you." I whispered softly to it, afraid that the wind would steal my words away.
It gets harder every time
"I'm sorry..." The words returned in full force. The magnitude of them still weighs as heavily upon me as when I first encountered them. "Tomoe."
When the day turns into night
AN: Still confused? Want to scold this unworthy author for her inaccurate portrayal? Go ahead! Press the button!
Before I forget, the lyrics belong to Busted, the wonderful band who sang the song!
Just some stuff to clear the air if you don't understand:
Yes, Tomoe's dead, the first two chapters where when she's in limbo. Think: Sixth Sense where the dead don't really know that they're dead. Hell, she's just as confused as you are. Heh
This originally was something I wrote in my online journal during a tough period in my life. The nightmare scene in the first chapter is written based on true experience, and the thoughts and emotions of the two subsequent chapters are feelings that I've had encounters with over this past year.
To my Darling Reviewers:
Cealestis Dulcis: Wow. Do you learn Latin? Teach me!! Hope this chapter is what you expected, if you, give me a knock and I'll rearrange it! Of course I'll keep reviewing your fic! I love that thing! Man, now I'm waiting for your fic!
MissBehavin: Heh.. lifeless! Lifeless! Yeah, I can't get over that. I hope that this chapter does not lose out to the previous two. I may prefer Kaoru, since my character is closer to her than to Tomoe, but Tomoe should be given some due recognition too since she made such an impact on our favourite Rurouni!
Wistful eyes: Thanks for the compliments!! Argh!! So exciting -Haruko runs around and finally smacks into the wall, thus fainting- heh I'll convey your compliments to my grammar teacher, I think I was the hardest student she ever had to teach! Kenshin and a psychic? That'll be something interesting. But love never dies ne? -winks-
akito: As much as this may sound strange, thanks for your compliment. You're referring to dementedchris's fic, right? Well, he's one of my favourite authors of all time, Rurouni Kenshin Fanfics are never complete without him. And now that you've mentioned, yeah, it may seem like his style. I've actually read that particular fic a loong time ago, and maybe on some unconcious level, I've picked up his style as well. However, I did not mean to 'rip off' his plot, like I mentioned earlier, this is actually a reflection of my own experience, so plot-wise, it's all mine.
Poke: -ouch- [alright, alright, that's lame]
I do apologise about the ~_~ thing. It's actually suppose to be the lyrics. They're supposed to be italicised. However, something went wrong with my OpenOffice 1.0.1 and it didn't come out right. I didn't want to leave it unitalicised because those words did not belong to me, it's not nice to 'rip off' other people, akito already admonished me for that!
The other italicised/bold parts are actually situations in the past, hence I didn't wish for the readers to get confused when what's going on. Gomen for giving the impression that you guys are stupid. Atashi wa baka.
Alright! Please Review!
~Haruko