Disclaimer: In this chapter Ryoga makes some comments about a movie called "Wing Captains" and Nabiki comments on "The Irascible Bulk" if you don't know, they are cheap rip offs of Wing Commander, and The Incredible Hulk. The comments they make are in fact my opinion, there is a very good chance that I am an American and so I have the right to offer my opinion on those movies, so there! But I might not be American, oh how you all would hate me if I ever admitted to being from any other country besides perhaps Japan. Uh . . . but I don't own Wing Commander (Movie) or The Hulk (Movie) for those of you who don't know, "Irascible" means "easily angered" or something along those lines. Go tell your parents you've learned a new word! ^_^
A/N: Now those of you reading . . . this was the last chapter to be read by readers before the story was taken down. Some day, at the GrimmZ conventions (The huge conventions you will all one day hold in my honor, where at you'll all wear shirts that say in big bold blue letters "GrimmZ is watching me . . . Ryo-Biki ROX!!!" unless your shirt is blue or black, then the text will be red) you will talk about how you nearly never got to read the final chapter of Charlotte's Web.
GrimmZ conventions, in about fifty years, or sooner if I can work up a large enough following, be there, or be square.
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 29
Why Must it Be?
Nabiki hung onto Ryoga's arm, mostly just so he wouldn't wander off. "Where are we going?" he asked.
She smiled wickedly, "Oh, never you mind." They crossed the street and turned left at the light."It better not be a motel." Ryoga warned.
Nabiki made a slight course correction, turning around and then turning right at the light. "I'd never even think of doing something immoral like that!"
"Some times I think Kasumi got all the morals in your family." Ryoga said.
"Well yes, we each got something. Kasumi took all mom's cooking skills, morals, kindness, strength of character if you will. There was no kindness left for me, so I have none, no cooking skills left for Akane, so she has none. We each got an even share of the remaining morals, I gave mine to Akane in exchange for her share of strength of character but she lied to me and I just got her strength of evil instead. Of course I sucked up all the intelligence. There wasn't enough of mom's personality left for Akane, so she just had to take from dad, that's why they're so much alike."
"Oh-ho. . . that's very detailed, you told that story before, havent you?"
"When Akane first came to school Kuno-baby asked me why she was a 'wondrous angel' and I was 'a greedy devil' and after much thought that was the answer I gave him. Of course he bought it."
Ryoga seemed to consider that for a while. Then he recognized where they were. "This place looks familiar."
"It should, it's Ukyo's place." Nabiki sighed. She didn't really want to be here.
"Oh! Right . . . I knew that."
"You want to go in?" Nabiki asked.
"Uh . . . okay . . ." Ryoga frowned. "Yeah, I guess so. I have to tell her not to tell my parents where I'm hiding out anymore."
Nabiki agreed fully. She would never, ever like her future mother-in-law. They walked in and there was Ukyo, behind the counter as always, with Konatsu serving tables. Nabiki didn't doubt that Konatsu was the most beautiful woman in his family.
Figured the girl who acted and dressed like a boy would have friends like Konatsu and Tsubassa, who were boys who dressed like girls. Well, whatever. Nabiki waved to Ukyo, who fixed her an evil glare.
"Heard yer working for the RHFC now, sugar." Ukyo said.
"What? As if I'd ever go around with those freaks!" Nabiki scoffed. "Why should I be in a Ryoga fan club, when I've got the real Ryoga eating out of my hand?"
"Hey!" Ryoga cried.
"Shush honey, the women-folk are talking now."
"Hey!" Ryoga repeated.
Ukyo's glare disappeared, replaced with her characteristic smile. "That's good. You wouldn't
want to join the RSFC would you?"
"No, I'm not really in love with Ranma." Nabiki sighed.
"Oh? That's too bad. We need a treasurer, we just had a . . . well something of a fund raiser, we've got funding up the wazu, but no one who is any good with money."
The new TV that Ukyo had recently put in for her customers was showing the news, a balding reporter said, "In other news, an armored car was attacked this morning by a horde of young women firing paint balls!" The screen showed footage of RSFC members attacking the truck, with Ukyo herself slapping it onto it's side with a mighty whap of her battle spatula. "There are no suspects as of yet, but one of the attacks was available for comment."
It cut to Shampoo. "Yes, we attack truck of money, only because we need it too feed giant army of RSFC! And soon we go to war with RHFC and wipe them out, we convert or kill!"
Ukyo rushed over to the TV and turned it off. "Forget everything you've just heard." She said in a tone of warning.
Ryoga blinked. Nabiki smiled and nodded. "I never watch the news anyway." She said.
"Mm."
"Ukyo, you didn't by chance direct my parents to the Tendo Dojo, did you?"
"Well yes. If that's who they were." Ukyo shrugged.
"In the future, please, *please* lie and tell them I'm in Siberia."
"Ryoga, be nice. Tell them he's in Hawaii." Nabiki said.
"Problems with yer folks?" Ukyo raised an eyebrow.
"No, my mother just doesn't like Nabiki." Ryoga said.
"Cant' imagine why." Ukyo said sarcastically. She looked at Nabiki. "You've gotta admit hon, you can be pretty cruel some times."
"What'd I ever do to . . . never mind." Nabiki sighed.
"She says Nabiki looks like a whore." Ryoga informed. Nabiki glared at him.
"Well she doesn't have the gutter trash make up, or a cigarette hanging out of her mouth but . . . mm . . . yeah, I can see it. It's the shorts."
"I'm going shopping tomorrow." Nabiki sighed.
"You'd do that for Ryoga's mother's sake?" Konatsu asked. "Change your entire wardrobe?"
"Not my entire wardrobe, just the shorts . . . even if they are comfortable, and look really good on me. Love is complicated." Nabiki sighed.
"I know." Konatsu sighed, glancing at Ukyo for a moment.
"What I'm really fearing is the trip to the mall, without Ryoga I wont know any of the colors."
"Uh-huh. Oh, by the way, what do you actually want to eat?" Ukyo asked. "You're not just visiting me are you sugar?"
Nabiki blinked. She hadn't thought of that, she'd planned on tricking Ryoga into going to a motel to skip to the fun part of the date. Well, that wasn't going to happen now, he was wise to her trick . . . and she'd just spent a good thirty seconds wondering what to order. "Salad!" She blurted.
"Sah-lad?" Ukyo frowned. "What the heck is that? Konatsu, do you know how to make a sah-lad?"
"No."
"Alright sugar, you're going to have to walk me through it." Ukyo said.
"How is this?" The ninja asked.
The tape recorder played . . .
"So he's just a slave to you then?"
"Yes, of course!" "So what?"
"Do you really love him?"
"Of course not!"
"Perfect!" Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "Maybe this Nabiki girl expected me to steal her surprisingly well written contract, but I doubt she expected me to steal the tape recorder!"
"Is all this necessary?" Mr. Hibiki asked.
"It is necessary that our son marry properly." His wife said. "Don't you agree?"
"Yes, I do, but I really like this Nabiki, she's smart, I'm sure she can take care of him."
"She's a whore."
"Maybe, but she's not making him pay, and a whore makes you pay for sex." Mr. Hibiki said.
"No, that's a prostitute, a whore has sex with as many boys as she can find." Mrs. Hibiki corrected her husband.
"No, that's a slut . . . or a hoe." Harume said.
"No, a hoe is--" Mrs. Hibiki began, her husband cut her off.
"Why are we even talking about this?" Mr. Hibiki demanded. "The fact is, our son is in love with her, and she's hot! When I was his age, I'd have killed to get into bed with my best friend's older sister, and she wasn't this pretty! Now look at him, he's *engaged* to his . . . rival's older sister-in-law!"
"Well that's not exactly the same thing." Mrs. Hibiki scowled.
"Not to mention it is just plain wrong." Harume said.
"Agreed." Mrs. Hibiki said. "You never have sex with your best friend's older sister! That's as bad as having sex with . . . your best friend's mother!"
"Actually, that would be a lot worse." Harume said.
"Again, why are we even talking about this?" Ryoga's father asked. He didnt want to mention that he'd had a crush on his own best friend's mother when he was growing up.
"Never you mind dear, it wont matter soon. No way Ryoga fails to dump her after this."
"I don't see why he would. Heck, if I was hittin' that, she'd have to tell me she'd had a sex change before I'd even think of dumping her." The ninja piped up. "'Sides, she beats the heck out of Miss. Harume, the only one I'd want more is the one that cooks. Something about a chick in an apron that just turns me on." He looked around. "Did I say all that out loud?"
"Speak only when you're spoken too!" Harume cried, hitting the pink ninja on the back of the head with his cane.
Looking down on the evil conference that was taking place in the sitting room, Han Lo-Chun, daughter of the great Amazon tribe was filled with conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she should tell male servant of the evil plans of his family, since he probably wouldn't want to marry this Harume girl, and of course since Kasumi was now Lotion's mother-wether she liked it or not-that meant Nabiki was her aunt, and thus part of her family, and so it was Lotion's obligation to take care of her. On the other hand . . .
It wasn't *really* her business, she didn't care a great deal and what more she'd probably forget it in another second, she couldn't even remember why she was hanging upside down from the stairway railing.
"Think . . . think . . . think . . ." Lotion mumbled to herself. She began to scratch her chin as she tried to think, then she heard some one gasp, and Akane pulled her up.
"Are you alright!?"
"Yar . . . I think so." Lotion groaned as she rubbed her head. It felt funny for some reason.
"What were you doing, hanging down like that? How did you get that way? Was it part of some sort of amazon training?"
"Yes . . . yes I think it was!" Lotion slapped her fist into her palm. "That is why I was hanging like that!" She was so happy to remember that she forgot all about male servant's problems. Akane shook her head and walked of. Lotion turned and was about to walk down stairs to see Kasumi, when she tripped and ended up falling over the railing again, hanging by her feet again.
"This is familiar!" She cried to herself. She was so intent on figuring out what made it familiar, that she forgot how she ended up hanging from the railing. Then the boy Ranma showed up and asked what she was doing. She just didn't know, and she wouldn't answer a worthless *male* anyway so she scoffed and told him to go away. He
shrugged, told her that the blood would rush to her head and then left.
In the back of her mind, only one thing registered. It was thankfulness. She was thankful that she was not wearing her normal outfit, instead a collection of whatever clothing had looked good from what people had been willing to let her borrow-which thankfully had included a pair of pants, rather than her normal dress.
As they left the theater, Ryoga made an announcement. "I'm never taking you to another movie. Both dates we've seen movies, neither one was any good. I haven't seen a movie this bad since that one . . . I cant remember the name . . . the one that tried to make like a world war two movie set in outer space?"
"You mean Wing Captains?"
"That's the one!" Ryoga shuddered.
"Who'd have thought a movie based on a comic book character would be so . . . stupid?" Nabiki sighed. "Besides, I never liked "The Irascible Bulk" you chose it."
"Only because you chose the first one, which was just as bad."
"My movie had elements of comedy relief, yours was so pathetically serious about itself that it was funny! But it certainly wasn't any good."
"Hey, I'm not arguing about that." Ryoga said simply.
"Then we're in agreement, I choose the movies from now on."
"But I don't want to see any movies ever again." Ryoga said. "I'll wait for video . . . or better yet, I'll wait until they come out on regular TV."
"Then what are we supposed to do on our dates?"
"When we're old enough, we'll start going to bars."
"Why? So you can get drunk and make an idiot out of yourself? Or so I can get drunk and not be my super intelligent self?"
"Both." Ryoga said.
"Getting drunk in a bar and then going home with some truck driver named Buck does not constitute a date."
"I wouldn't let you go home with any truck drivers." Ryoga said, grinning at her.
Nabiki smiled back at him, and said, "No, I meant you, directionless wonder. Besides, I will not wait four years for our next date, three and a half years if I want to try and sneak you into the bar."
He laughed weakly and shook his head. "Then we can go out to a nice restaurant. That maybe knows how to make salad?"
"Hmm . . . too much of a chance we'd run into Kinnosuke, or worse I'd make you pay too much. It's a bit of a habit y'know?"
"Oh-ho . . ." Ryoga scratched his head. "Wow. I don't know where to take you. You're hard to please."
"Well you could just take me home." Nabiki offered. "I'm sure we can think of *something* to do. Didn't you make a promise before we left?"
"Oh? Well I wouldn't call it a promise, so much as a suggestion."
"You cant call it a suggestion! That's the wrong word entirely!" Nabiki protested.
"Again, I don't want to die."
"There is still the motel."
"You have the money to check in?"
Nabiki scoffed. "Ryoga, if I don't have money, I can get money, five minutes tops."
"Oh yeah? I'll make you a bet then. You work up a motel fee in five minutes, and we'll go to a motel. If not, we're going to go to . . . an arcade."
"Wont that cost more than the motel?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow, Ryoga smiled.
"Potentially, yes." He said. 'But since I don't want to be castrated . . .' he thought. "But we'll play only one game. That robot arm thing where you strangle the animals."
"You mean the one where you win stuffed animals?"
"Uh . . . yeah, that's a good game too."
"But that's a crappy date."
"We could try and sneak into another movie." Ryoga offered with a chuckle.
Nabiki did that thing where her face goes from looking disgusted to looking really pleased in a half second. "That might be fun."
"Huh? I was joking!" Ryoga said.
"Oh . . . and here I thought you were smart, and brave, a risk taker even." Nabiki sighed. Ryoga frowned. "Hey, I am a smart, brave risk taker!" He protested.
"Hmm? Well then . . . risk taker . . . what movie should we sneak into?"
"Uh . . . Wing Captain?" Ryoga offered.
"And so, in light of this tape recording, I cannot allow your daughter to wed my son." Ryoga's mother said simply. Kasumi frowned, father did too.
"I knew she'd do something like this." Soun said. "I have my chance, the chance for the Tendo Training Hall to obtain two of the most ferocious fighters in the area as instructors, and she ruins it by being . . . her!" He turned to Kasumi. "We should be alright with just Ranma, right? Do you think we can still crush the Koruda school of combat?"
Kasumi shook her head slowly. "Yes of course father," she said, even though she still didn't know what the Koruda school was and really didn't care anymore anyway. To Ryoga's mother she said, "I cannot believe she'd be that . . . well . . ." Kasumi tried to find the word.
"Evil? Cruel?" Mrs. Hibiki offered. "Sultry? Callous?"
"No, I was going to say 'honest'."
"Oh yes . . . well when you've raised children, you'll know how to get them to tell the truth."
"I have raised children." Kasumi's eyes narrowed. "Two of them."
"Really?" Father asked, Kasumi ignored him.
"I know Nabiki well enough not to dispute this tape, I only feel sorry for Ryoga." Ranma said. "I guess now life will revert back to where everything seems to revolve around me. Not that I minded the break, but what can I say? When the universe revolves around you, that's just how it is."
"Confucius?" Akane asked.
"Sun Tzu." Ranma said.
"Don't be stupid, neither of them ever said that!" Cologne scowled.
"What are you doing here?" Ranma cried.
"Making a nuisance of myself." Cologne sighed. "Oh, and I wanted to tell Han that since she's decided not to go back to the village, she has to marry Mousse, since he defeated her in combat.
"Never! It is not fair, the laws of our village do not apply in another country, and anyway you are only doing this because Mousse is a thorn in your side what with his obsession with Shampoo!"
The Amazon shouted from the stairway.
Kasumi sighed. "Alright, could we get back to the actual topic of conversation? My sister, your son, the possibility of a canceled engagement?"
"It is not a possibility, it is a reality, they will not be married." Mrs. Hibiki said. "They deserve better! My son needs a woman who can take care of him, who will tolerate his wandering without seeking other men to entertain her physically, and it wouldnt kill her to know martial arts so that she could train their fifteen children when he is away." There was a pause. "Oh! And I suppose your sister deserves to meet some one like her as well."
"They love each other!" Akane cried.
"Play the tape for her." Ranma said.
But as Ryoga's mother rewound the tape, there was a knock on the door. Kasumi got up and answered it, there was a police officer with Ryoga and Nabiki. The former looked humiliated and depressed, the latter looked thrilled.
"Are you related to either of these two?" The cop asked, seeing how . . . well, law abiding Kasumi looked.
"That is my sister, and my . . . eh . . . future brother-in-law." Kasumi nodded.
"Our son was arrested!?" Ryoga's father wailed.
Kasumi forced a smile. "So officer . . . wont you come inside and . . . tell us what they did?"
Ryoga bowed his head in shame as the cop went over the details of his law-breaking. They'd snuck into a movie, that wasn't so bad. They'd been caught, not so bad. Nabiki dared the security guard to arrest them. That was just dumb. Through it all Soun and Ryoga's father and mother had played the concerned parents, claiming they were just glad to have their children home. It was once the cop was gone, and everyone who might report the coming assault as child abuse that they started tearing into their unsuspecting kids.
Soun started wailing and crying, and mother whacked Ryoga over the head with a fan until he recited all of their ancestors all the way back to the very first Hibiki, Ryo-Kay.
"What were you thinking!?" Soun demanded.
"Well I didn't think he had the power to actually do it!" Nabiki cried. "Besides, it was fun! Like those two British bank robbers! Bobby and Klien!"
"I think you're very, very confused." Mr. Harume sighed. "Bobby and Klien were not real people, the person you want to admire is Smelly the Two Armed Bandit!"
"Sir!" Soun said. "Please do not encourage my daughter to break laws, by telling her of crime heroes! And Smelly wasn't real either!"
"Quite right. We don't need her getting ideas." Harume nodded. "But Smelly *was* real." Ryoga sighed.
"Nabiki, how could you do something like that?" Kasumi chided.
"What's the big deal? We got off with a warning, and we got a free ride home." Nabiki said.
"What's next? Are you going to run around town with a big American flag, shouting 'down with communism!' or just start taking speed?" Mother asked. Ryoga scowled at her, she ignored him.
"Well, 'speed' might be fun if I knew what the heck it was." Nabiki said idly. "Anyway, if I wanted to protest communism, I'd either start in a communist country, or start by conquering this little island. Then we're looking at a dictatorship, no one drinks the sodas I don't like, and those software companies? They give me ten percent of everything they make each year, if they're caught cheating me I put them out of business, their executives will be forced into slavery." She said simply.
Kasumi shook her head. "As if the tape wasn't bad enough, now we find out you have a hard-on for law breaking?"
"Technically Kasumi, only guys can have a 'hard-on'." Ranma noted.
"What tape?" Nabiki demanded.
"This tape! The tape recording of our conversation!" Mother laughed. Ryoga groaned.
"So what's the big deal?" Nabiki scoffed.
Mother grinned wickedly, and pressed the 'play' button.
Her voice came on.
"Note to self, find out if that amazon girl is on drugs . . ."
"HEY!" Lotion shouted from the stairway.
"Oops! That's a little too far back." Mother admitted. She pressed the fast forward button. She came to the point she wanted, and pressed 'play'.
"So he's just a slave to you then?" Mother's voice asked simply.
"Yes, of course!" Nabiki said. "So what?"
"Do you really love him?" Mother asked skeptically.
"Of course not!"
Ryoga looked over to Nabiki, who looked like she didn't understand what had just happened.
"Is that supposed to be my voice?" She asked.
"Yes. Isn't that what you said?" Ryoga's mother pressed.
"What? No it isn't, I remember pretty clearly our conversation. Lets see . . . hmm . . . I know it ended with me telling you that I hated you, and you saying you hated me . . . hmm . . ."
Ryoga sighed, he didn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. Not only had mother been trying to sabotage him and Nabiki from the moment she learned of the engagement, but Nabiki would never be so careless as to actually say something like that out loud. And yet . . . how else would mother have gotten the recording. "You didn't really say that, did you?" Ryoga raised an eyebrow.
Nabiki smiled at him. "Who are you going to believe? A tape recorder with my voice on it, or me . . . no wait, don't answer that! Believe me, I didn't say anything like that, she's lying!"
"If I am lying, why do I have it all on tape?" Mother demanded.
"It is clearly you, having a conversation with yourself, mimicking my voice." Nabiki responded.
"No, that's your voice." Mother sighed. She shook her head and looked at Ryoga. "Are you sure you love her son? She isn't as bright as you say she is."
"Cant you just stop already?" Ryoga sighed.
"I am your mother, don't tell me when to stop!" She cried. "I have only your best interests at heart!"
Ryoga thought for a moment closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. "Of course. I understand. Even if that means going against the deal we made earlier in the dojo?"
"Do you really think I'd ever keep that promise-er I mean nonsense! I'd never lie to you!"
"Honey, let him have his way already, we don't need him *hating* us for the rest of his life!"
"Oh yeah? Well you may feel that way, but I for one don't care if he hates me!" Harume cried.
"Ryoga Hibiki, I must be rid of my daughter! And you are the only man that wants her!"
"But I don't want her." Ryoga said.
"Eh? Oh . . . okay then." Harume smiled to himself, then some spasm traveled through his body.
"Wait! I mean 'that's too bad!' Because you're going to marry Yoshimi! I challenge you to a fight!"
"You're on!" Ryoga laughed.
"Challenge? Fight? Some one challenging me? This hour? Eh?" Ranma perked up form sleep.
"Go back to sleep Ranma, he was talking to Ryoga." Akane said.
"Ahh . . . good . . . zzzz"
"I swear, he hears the words 'challenge', 'martial arts' or 'fight' and he's all ears, anything else and he's about as thick as a castle's wall." Akane sighed when Ranma had fallen asleep again.
"WAH! Martial arts! Challenging me to Martial Arts? No one beats me at Martial Arts!" Ranma woke up again.
"See what I mean?" Akane sighed, and just bopped him on the head, he went right back to sleep.
Ryoga fought a smile. Not because of Ranma and Akane, but because he knew this was his chance! This was his moment!
"No Mr. Harume, I challenge *you*!" Ryoga said.
"Same difference." Harume scoffed.
"Yes, but if I win, you never bother me to marry your daughter again! If I loose, I'll gladly marry Yoshimi!"
"Ryoga!" Nabiki snapped.
"Relax, I cant possibly lose." Ryoga chuckled.
"Excellent! Then let the two on two battle begin!" Harume cried.
"Right!" Ryoga nodded. He frowned. "Hold on a second, two on two?" He blinked.
"Yes. You cannot expect me, a rich man to fight without his loyal ninja body guard! You may use your own ninja body guard if you wish."
"But . . . but I don't have a ninja body guard!" Ryoga said.
Harume smiled wickedly. "Oh? What a shame."
"Had to knock out Ranma, didn't you Akane?" Nabiki growled.
"Don't blame this on me!" Akane cried.
"Why not, it's so convenient." Nabiki hissed.
"She's right Nabiki, this isn't her fault." Ryoga scoffed. "Besides, Ranma isnt a ninja. What's the problem? You don't think I can handle these two?"
"Sure you can." Nabiki sighed. "But if you don't . . ."
"Don't worry, I'll help you, Ryoga!" Akane cried.
"No you wont!" Harume said. "I will not allow my henchman a young lady with your masterful cooking skills."
"You're just joking, right?" Kasumi blinked.
"No fair!" Akane cried.
"Well, then I suppose I'll have to step in." Soun said reluctantly. "For the sake of my daughter's happiness . . ."
"No, I wont fight my own host." Harume said.
"Oh . . . drat. Well, daddy tried, Nabiki." Soun said, he sounded relieved though.
"Don't worry son, I'll fight with you!" Father tried.
"No you wont." Mother said.
"I guess I'm on my own." Ryoga said simply.
"No! I'll fight with you!" Nabiki offered.
Ryoga looked at her. Their eyes met and there was a moment of serene love that passed between them . . . then it was over powered, and shot to death by unbridled laughter. "Yeah right!" Ryoga laughed.
"Really Nabiki, you? Fight?" Akane cried, choking back tears.
"It is not that we doubt you're financial skills Nabiki, but I seem to remember a little girl who swore off martial arts when the punching bag beat her to a pulp twelve matches straight!" Genma laughed.
"That's as funny as Lotion saying she was going to some day beat Shampoo!" Cologne laughed.
"Yes, that is . . . HEY!" Lotion cried. "Does no one care about my feelings?"
"Nope!" Nabiki laughed. Then she stopped herself. "I mean, yes! Yes Lotion, we all love you.
Won't you do us a mighty favor, and lend us your fighting skills?"
"I think I'm better off without her help." Ryoga noted.
"She'll distract one of them long enough for you to finish the other." Nabiki whispered.
"Okay, here are the rules," Harume said. "The battle is over once one team looses a team member, if the amazon faints, or is kicked out of the circle before the battle is over, and you loose." Harume smiled.
"Aww nuts." Nabiki sighed.
"No matter, I'll just have to be really careful." Ryoga said. "And Lotion, don't get out of the circle!"
"Uh . . . yes . . . what circle?" Lotion asked.
Everyone was silent. Finally Genma sighed. "From the mouths of babes."
"Well we haven't made a circle yet." Harume admitted. "But take one step out of it, and it's over!"
"Aha, yes." Lotion nodded.
"Lets make this circle, and then lets begin." Ryoga said eagerly.
"I want a good clean fight! No hitting bellow the belt, no super powered attacks, and most importantly no sharp edged weapons! First member of either team to step, or land outside of the circle disqualifies himself-or herself and his-or her partner." Ryoga's mother said. "Now lets get it on!"
The ninja watched Ryoga and the amazon. He knew just how to handle the tough boy, and even old man Harume could take the Amazon. This would be easy! He decided he should get ready to say "Hello!" to his next pay check, which would be ridiculously large after this!
Harume was thinking something more along the lines of wether or not the amazon was seeing anyone, sure she looked like she might well be Yoshimi's age, but then ever since he'd seen that American show with that warrior woman with the flying ring he'd wanted to make out with an amazon.
Ryoga was thinking about how screwed he was. Lotion was likely to leave the ring on accident before the fighting really started. He took one last look at Nabiki and felt his heart pounding. He couldn't afford to lose this fight!
Despite popular belief, Lo-Chun was not stupid. She was absolutely certain that she could prove it by helping male servant win this competition. But then when she stepped into the circle, she realized she really, really had to go to the bathroom!
She'd have to make this quick. "You know," she said to Harume and his ninja, "there are three things that Han Lo-Chun does not like. Things she will not stand for. First, I do not like Shampoo. Second, I loath trees. Now third, and finally . . . well I know you adjusted that tape for your own purposes to defame the sister of my adopted mother, Kasumi, and it makes me sick!"
Kasumi groaned. Lo-Chun wasn't sure if it was because of her declaration about the tape, or her calling Kasumi her adopted mother. "The third thing I do not like is any kind of cheater, which is why I do not like you! And that said . . ." She splashed Ryoga with cold water. "behold my pig!"
"PIGGIE!" Harume cried. "OOH! I'm gonna eat youu!"
"Master! NNNOOO!" The ninja cried.
Lo-Chun threw male servant out of the ring, Harume shot off like a bullet following him, catching him and drooling.
"What have you done!?" Akane cried. "You just made Ryoga lose!"
"Not so!" Lo-Chun said. She pointed to Harume, who was standing outside the circle, holding P-Chan. "You see? Male servant has not landed outside of the ring, however Mr. Harume left it of his own accord."
"Wow!" Kasumi gasped.
"That's something we'd never expect from you." Cologne said, it sounded as if there was the tiniest measure of approval in her voice. Lo-Chun felt so proud!
"Yes . . . well it doesn't count as a victory." Ryoga's mother said coldly. Lo-Chun fell over.
"But . . . but I did something right! I won! I REALLY won!"
"Yes dear, good for you. However Ryoga is not in the ring, and so he is therefore out of the ring, even if he didn't land outside he is still outside."
"But you said land or step out of!" Lo-Chun cried.
"Yes, but I would assume that if one's entire body was outside of the circle he'd have stepped out, or been thrown out. Come now, no one can fly, so therefor Ryoga is disqualified."
"Oh no you don't!" Lo-Chun cried, drawing two knives and spinning them menacingly just to show Mrs. Hibiki what she could do.
"Uh . . . in light of your ingenuity and willingness to risk defeat for the sake of a well though out ploy however, I will consider it a tie." Mrs. Hibiki offered.
Lo-Chun decided this was acceptable. She nodded and sheathed her daggers. Kasumi sighed with relief. "Good thing Mrs. Hibiki doesn't know that our Hand Lotion doesn't know how to use those."
"Seriously." Akane agreed.
Lo-Chun scoffed. "I do so know how to use them!" She threw them, both missed their targets-Kasumi and Akane-and instead pinned the pink ninja to the wall by the oversized feminine shoulder pads. "Drat-er I mean, see!? See that? Pure skill!" Lo-Chun cried.
"Very good." Kasumi said, she sounded impressed.
"That was amazing!" Akane gawked.
"What did I do to you?!" The ninja complained.
"Heh-heh-heh, all in a day's work for an assassin!" Lo-Chun chuckled.
"You know, for an assassin, you don't really kill very many people." Mr. Saotome pointed out. Lo-Chun scowled. "Well no one has hired me! I do not murder for free!"
And then Mrs. Hibiki knew what she had to do. Ryoga's infatuation with this girl had to end, and if it . . . no . . . no, assassinating her son wouldn't solve anything.
Well, she'd thought she was on to something. But wait! She could assassinate Nabiki instead!
Perfect!
No . . . no she didn't really want to kill Nabiki . . . she'd had no problem with her until she found out she was engaged to Ryoga, in all fairness she couldn't kill a young girl just for loving her son, after all, Ryoga had his father's good looks combined with his mother's level headed mature attitude and with a combination like that it was no surprise Ryoga had the seventeen year old goddess wanting him.
Still, Nabiki was not nearly as rich as Yoshimi, and no matter how good she was with money, she probably never would be. Ryoga needed a wife who'd take care of him, Nabiki was more like a big sister.
'The sort of big sister you have sex with.' Mrs. Hibiki thought bitterly. 'Okay, 'big sister' was a bad example.' She decided. 'Still, the girl isn't really wife material.'
She watched Nabiki toss scorching hot water on Ryoga, and then Mr. Harume was hugging a naked, teenage boy with a bit more muscle than he had right to have.
"AAHH!" Harume cried.
"AAHH!" Ryoga agreed.
Kasumi brought Ryoga his cloths while the assassin complained about how she had to get a "new pair of virgin eyes" thanks to the "male servant's" shamelessness.
Mrs. Hibiki sighed. If Ryoga really wanted to marry this girl, there was just one thing to do. "You there, Middle Tendo who dresses like a . . . grr . . . you know what you dress like. Come with me, we must speak!"
"How stupid do you think I am?" Nabiki demanded.
"Oh we'll get into that later." Ryoga's mother assured Nabiki. "For now, you and I must talk."
"Oh joy." Nabiki scowled.
"I know." Mrs. Hibiki scowled back.
Later, in her own room Nabiki entertained the woman that she still hoped-but with less enthusiasm now-to some day call 'mother'.
"You understand, I only want what's best for him." Ryoga's mother said.
"You keep saying that, but you wont listen to him." Nabiki said tensely.
"I hear every word. He's in love with a girl who is 'only' a year older, she's just dressing like normal teenage girls, and most importantly, she happens to have contracts-or rather, a single contract now-holding him to her as a slave."
"I'll tear the contract up right now if you want, it doesn't matter." Nabiki shrugged. "I *love* him, I'm sure you know how that feels."
"That's the only reason I haven't killed you yet." Ryoga's mother sighed.
Nabiki shook her head. "I'm going to go shopping tomorrow . . . if you want to come and tell me what sort of clothing you think is appropriate you're welcome to tag along, but if you get lost I'm not coming after you."
"I thought I told you, I don't have a bad sense of direction!" Ryoga's mother cried.
Nabiki smiled. "It wont matter in this mall. *I* got lost in this mall."
"Is it big?"
"Massive." Nabiki nodded.
"Very well. I suppose I could go with you. But that is off subject!"
"Is it?"
"Yes. You see the problem is not just your clothing, it is you. You are too old."
"Oh, sure, but you've got no problem with Kasumi marrying him."
"Well I do not know how old Kasumi is." Ryoga's mom shrugged.
"She's going on twenty." Nabiki's eyes narrowed.
"I . . . see . . . well at least she cooks."
"I can cook!"
"And she cleans."
"I clean . . . when I'm motivated to do so."
"She is nice."
"I can . . . be . . . eh . . . nice. Kind of." Nabiki said. She shook her head. "Look, it doesn't matter, because unless I'm blind as a bat, Ryoga loves me, and not Kasumi. Not to mention the fact that Kasumi has no interest in younger men."
"Yes, I remember that, what a shame."
"So?" Nabiki asked.
"So . . . yes."
"Yes?"
"You may marry my son."
Nabiki froze. She felt extreme pressure lift off her shoulders, then she felt suspicious.
"You may marry Ryoga, after he's had his second formal meeting with Yoshimi, then if he still wants you, you two may get married. Your mother and father must sign a contract with my husband and me, signifying the union of our clans, and so on, and you must wait one year until Ryoga is eighteen so that you may be married legally."
"Oh-ho. Does it matter that I don't have a mother?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow.
"Meh. Kasumi can sign I suppose." Ryoga's mother said. "But before you even think of wedding my son-"
"Too late." Nabiki said.
Ryoga's mother scowled. "Yes, well before you think of it further, you will have to undergo serious bridal training."
"Yeah, I've been trying to talk him into that, but he's never in the mood." Nabiki complained before she realized what Ryoga's mother had meant. "Eh . . . oops."
"Well . . . I'm not sure if I want to understand what that meant, so I'll not dwell on it. Anyway you will receive vigorous training by me."
"Yes ma'am." Nabiki yawned.
"It will be very vigorous!" Ryoga's mother warned.
"Right."
"You will suffer pain as never before." She added.
"If it means you letting me marry Ryoga? I'll suffer anything!"
"Excellent." Ryoga's mother laughed wickedly.
Ryoga whacked his father in the back of the head. "And you just let her try to trick me?"
"Yes!" Father scowled, whacking Ryoga back.
"What the heck is wrong with you?" Ryoga demand. "Stand up to her for once!"
"Why don't you?"
"I have been! But I'm her son, it isn't proper, you're her husband, you're allowed to argue with her!"
"But if you want to ever have a little sister, or brother, it's best if I let her have her way." Dad sighed.
Ryoga scoffed. "Listen, listen carefully, when mom walks through that door, I'm going to tell her off, and you just back me up, okay?"
"Well alright." Dad sighed.
"Those of us about to die, salute you." Ranma nodded.
"Be quiet!" Ryoga growled. The door opened and in came mom and Nabiki. "Mother!" Ryoga cried.
"Yes?"
"Listen to me, and don't interrupt! If she's willing I'm going to marry Nabiki. I should be able to marry whomever I want to anyway, and you cant make me marry Yoshimi! You went against our bargain and tried to trick me, well if you try some ploy like that I will no longer call myself 'Hibiki', do you understand?"
"Of course. I can see you'll not take 'no' for an answer my son, and so I will allow you to marry this girl after she has had proper bridal training from me, and you've had your second formal meeting with Yoshimi."
"My what? Ewe!" Ryoga groaned.
"You're one heck of a negotiator, Ryoga." Nabiki smiled at him.
"Heh-heh, I sure am . . . why do I feel like I'm part of some joke that I don't know about?"
"What ever could you mean?" Mother giggled.
"You two are laughing for one, and furthermore I was expecting you to harm me, mom."
"Yeah, I was expecting something similar." Father noded. "Instead yo agree? Honey, what are you playing at?"
"Well Ryoga will love Yoshimi the moment he sees her, but if we try to force him he'll be extra stubborn, he has to give love a chance, and if letting him have his whore until then is the way to do that, then so be it."
"We're still standing right here!" Ryoga scowled.
"When you plot behind someone's back, do it *behind* their backs." Nabiki nodded.
"Oh . . . uh . . . why don't you two go and . . . do something . . . uh, with your cloths on that is."
Mom shrugged.
Ryoga sighed. Nabiki dragged him out of the room.
"Some times I worry about him." Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "He never told us he was into the sultry girls, I could have arranged a marriage to that Reiko Mitamura girl."
"Honey, I'd love to agree, but I must know . . . what the heck does 'sultry' mean? Is it like a fancy way of saying 'slutty?' or something?"
"Sort of." Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "Darling, do you think this is the right thing to do?"
"Oh I suppose. I don't care for Yoshimi, Ryoga probably wont, at least now we know he'll end up with a girl."
"Huh?"
"Well I remember he used to write to me about this pigtailed boy that he was following around, and someone named Akane. The basic ambiance of his letters suggested he had something for Akane, but this Akane person sounded so masculine and, well I feared we'd never have grand children."
The boy, Ranma, fell over laughing.
Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "Darling, Akane is the youngest daughter of our kind host, if you recall."
"Eh? Which one is she?"
"The short one."
"Oh! Well . . . Ryoga isn't gay then! I'm so happy I could . . . I could . . . go to sleep." He said, and he did so.
Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "Oh yes, sleep husband dear. And go ahead and think you've won, Ryoga, but I have one last trick up my sleeve! Soon Ryoga, soon I will-"
"Are you calling me?" Ryoga asked, showing up in the doorway.
"No dear." His mother said waving him away, he left and she continued, "Soon I will convince your girlfriend to wear such stupid cloths that he'll never want to touch her! Ahahahaha!"
The boy, Ranma scratched his head. "You're weird."
"Thank you." Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "I don't suppose I could bother you not to tell my son what I
just said?"
"Well he's my rival, but he's also my best friend." Ranma said.
"I have candy."
"Mom always said to never take candy from strangers." Ranma narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, but I'm no stranger, I'm you best friend's mother. Besides, your mom isn't here."
"Oh yeah! What kind of candy ya got?"
"Lemon drops." She whispered. "Lemon drops with a special secret ingredient!" She cried.
"Special, secret forgetful potion! Ahahaha!"
Ranma scoffed. "No thanks."
"Curses, I said the quiet part loud, and the loud part quiet, didn't I?"
"Yes."
"Hmm . . . in that case . . . Amnesia Dust!" She cried, throwing dust into Ranma's eyes.
"Ahh! You just threw dust in my eyes and I cant remember why!"
"Heh-heh. Now the world is safe for my evil!" Ryoga's mother chuckled. Too bad Nabiki didn't know that in inviting her future mother-in-law to come shopping with her she'd helped separate herself from Ryoga! Hah!
Oh no! Mrs. Hibiki realized she'd just thought of herself as Nabiki's future mother-in-law! That couldn't be a good omen!
To Be Concluded . . .
Next Chapter . . .
Ryoga had this strange suspicion that mother nature didn't introduce mankind to sex just so they could relieve stress and feel really good, there was a catch, it was designed to continue the species.
That if felt so good had resulted in mankind overrunning the world and slowly killing mother nature.
Ryoga decided she must be feeling pretty stupid by now.
A/N: Now those of you reading . . . this was the last chapter to be read by readers before the story was taken down. Some day, at the GrimmZ conventions (The huge conventions you will all one day hold in my honor, where at you'll all wear shirts that say in big bold blue letters "GrimmZ is watching me . . . Ryo-Biki ROX!!!" unless your shirt is blue or black, then the text will be red) you will talk about how you nearly never got to read the final chapter of Charlotte's Web.
GrimmZ conventions, in about fifty years, or sooner if I can work up a large enough following, be there, or be square.
Charlotte's Web
Chapter 29
Why Must it Be?
Nabiki hung onto Ryoga's arm, mostly just so he wouldn't wander off. "Where are we going?" he asked.
She smiled wickedly, "Oh, never you mind." They crossed the street and turned left at the light."It better not be a motel." Ryoga warned.
Nabiki made a slight course correction, turning around and then turning right at the light. "I'd never even think of doing something immoral like that!"
"Some times I think Kasumi got all the morals in your family." Ryoga said.
"Well yes, we each got something. Kasumi took all mom's cooking skills, morals, kindness, strength of character if you will. There was no kindness left for me, so I have none, no cooking skills left for Akane, so she has none. We each got an even share of the remaining morals, I gave mine to Akane in exchange for her share of strength of character but she lied to me and I just got her strength of evil instead. Of course I sucked up all the intelligence. There wasn't enough of mom's personality left for Akane, so she just had to take from dad, that's why they're so much alike."
"Oh-ho. . . that's very detailed, you told that story before, havent you?"
"When Akane first came to school Kuno-baby asked me why she was a 'wondrous angel' and I was 'a greedy devil' and after much thought that was the answer I gave him. Of course he bought it."
Ryoga seemed to consider that for a while. Then he recognized where they were. "This place looks familiar."
"It should, it's Ukyo's place." Nabiki sighed. She didn't really want to be here.
"Oh! Right . . . I knew that."
"You want to go in?" Nabiki asked.
"Uh . . . okay . . ." Ryoga frowned. "Yeah, I guess so. I have to tell her not to tell my parents where I'm hiding out anymore."
Nabiki agreed fully. She would never, ever like her future mother-in-law. They walked in and there was Ukyo, behind the counter as always, with Konatsu serving tables. Nabiki didn't doubt that Konatsu was the most beautiful woman in his family.
Figured the girl who acted and dressed like a boy would have friends like Konatsu and Tsubassa, who were boys who dressed like girls. Well, whatever. Nabiki waved to Ukyo, who fixed her an evil glare.
"Heard yer working for the RHFC now, sugar." Ukyo said.
"What? As if I'd ever go around with those freaks!" Nabiki scoffed. "Why should I be in a Ryoga fan club, when I've got the real Ryoga eating out of my hand?"
"Hey!" Ryoga cried.
"Shush honey, the women-folk are talking now."
"Hey!" Ryoga repeated.
Ukyo's glare disappeared, replaced with her characteristic smile. "That's good. You wouldn't
want to join the RSFC would you?"
"No, I'm not really in love with Ranma." Nabiki sighed.
"Oh? That's too bad. We need a treasurer, we just had a . . . well something of a fund raiser, we've got funding up the wazu, but no one who is any good with money."
The new TV that Ukyo had recently put in for her customers was showing the news, a balding reporter said, "In other news, an armored car was attacked this morning by a horde of young women firing paint balls!" The screen showed footage of RSFC members attacking the truck, with Ukyo herself slapping it onto it's side with a mighty whap of her battle spatula. "There are no suspects as of yet, but one of the attacks was available for comment."
It cut to Shampoo. "Yes, we attack truck of money, only because we need it too feed giant army of RSFC! And soon we go to war with RHFC and wipe them out, we convert or kill!"
Ukyo rushed over to the TV and turned it off. "Forget everything you've just heard." She said in a tone of warning.
Ryoga blinked. Nabiki smiled and nodded. "I never watch the news anyway." She said.
"Mm."
"Ukyo, you didn't by chance direct my parents to the Tendo Dojo, did you?"
"Well yes. If that's who they were." Ukyo shrugged.
"In the future, please, *please* lie and tell them I'm in Siberia."
"Ryoga, be nice. Tell them he's in Hawaii." Nabiki said.
"Problems with yer folks?" Ukyo raised an eyebrow.
"No, my mother just doesn't like Nabiki." Ryoga said.
"Cant' imagine why." Ukyo said sarcastically. She looked at Nabiki. "You've gotta admit hon, you can be pretty cruel some times."
"What'd I ever do to . . . never mind." Nabiki sighed.
"She says Nabiki looks like a whore." Ryoga informed. Nabiki glared at him.
"Well she doesn't have the gutter trash make up, or a cigarette hanging out of her mouth but . . . mm . . . yeah, I can see it. It's the shorts."
"I'm going shopping tomorrow." Nabiki sighed.
"You'd do that for Ryoga's mother's sake?" Konatsu asked. "Change your entire wardrobe?"
"Not my entire wardrobe, just the shorts . . . even if they are comfortable, and look really good on me. Love is complicated." Nabiki sighed.
"I know." Konatsu sighed, glancing at Ukyo for a moment.
"What I'm really fearing is the trip to the mall, without Ryoga I wont know any of the colors."
"Uh-huh. Oh, by the way, what do you actually want to eat?" Ukyo asked. "You're not just visiting me are you sugar?"
Nabiki blinked. She hadn't thought of that, she'd planned on tricking Ryoga into going to a motel to skip to the fun part of the date. Well, that wasn't going to happen now, he was wise to her trick . . . and she'd just spent a good thirty seconds wondering what to order. "Salad!" She blurted.
"Sah-lad?" Ukyo frowned. "What the heck is that? Konatsu, do you know how to make a sah-lad?"
"No."
"Alright sugar, you're going to have to walk me through it." Ukyo said.
"How is this?" The ninja asked.
The tape recorder played . . .
"So he's just a slave to you then?"
"Yes, of course!" "So what?"
"Do you really love him?"
"Of course not!"
"Perfect!" Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "Maybe this Nabiki girl expected me to steal her surprisingly well written contract, but I doubt she expected me to steal the tape recorder!"
"Is all this necessary?" Mr. Hibiki asked.
"It is necessary that our son marry properly." His wife said. "Don't you agree?"
"Yes, I do, but I really like this Nabiki, she's smart, I'm sure she can take care of him."
"She's a whore."
"Maybe, but she's not making him pay, and a whore makes you pay for sex." Mr. Hibiki said.
"No, that's a prostitute, a whore has sex with as many boys as she can find." Mrs. Hibiki corrected her husband.
"No, that's a slut . . . or a hoe." Harume said.
"No, a hoe is--" Mrs. Hibiki began, her husband cut her off.
"Why are we even talking about this?" Mr. Hibiki demanded. "The fact is, our son is in love with her, and she's hot! When I was his age, I'd have killed to get into bed with my best friend's older sister, and she wasn't this pretty! Now look at him, he's *engaged* to his . . . rival's older sister-in-law!"
"Well that's not exactly the same thing." Mrs. Hibiki scowled.
"Not to mention it is just plain wrong." Harume said.
"Agreed." Mrs. Hibiki said. "You never have sex with your best friend's older sister! That's as bad as having sex with . . . your best friend's mother!"
"Actually, that would be a lot worse." Harume said.
"Again, why are we even talking about this?" Ryoga's father asked. He didnt want to mention that he'd had a crush on his own best friend's mother when he was growing up.
"Never you mind dear, it wont matter soon. No way Ryoga fails to dump her after this."
"I don't see why he would. Heck, if I was hittin' that, she'd have to tell me she'd had a sex change before I'd even think of dumping her." The ninja piped up. "'Sides, she beats the heck out of Miss. Harume, the only one I'd want more is the one that cooks. Something about a chick in an apron that just turns me on." He looked around. "Did I say all that out loud?"
"Speak only when you're spoken too!" Harume cried, hitting the pink ninja on the back of the head with his cane.
Looking down on the evil conference that was taking place in the sitting room, Han Lo-Chun, daughter of the great Amazon tribe was filled with conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she should tell male servant of the evil plans of his family, since he probably wouldn't want to marry this Harume girl, and of course since Kasumi was now Lotion's mother-wether she liked it or not-that meant Nabiki was her aunt, and thus part of her family, and so it was Lotion's obligation to take care of her. On the other hand . . .
It wasn't *really* her business, she didn't care a great deal and what more she'd probably forget it in another second, she couldn't even remember why she was hanging upside down from the stairway railing.
"Think . . . think . . . think . . ." Lotion mumbled to herself. She began to scratch her chin as she tried to think, then she heard some one gasp, and Akane pulled her up.
"Are you alright!?"
"Yar . . . I think so." Lotion groaned as she rubbed her head. It felt funny for some reason.
"What were you doing, hanging down like that? How did you get that way? Was it part of some sort of amazon training?"
"Yes . . . yes I think it was!" Lotion slapped her fist into her palm. "That is why I was hanging like that!" She was so happy to remember that she forgot all about male servant's problems. Akane shook her head and walked of. Lotion turned and was about to walk down stairs to see Kasumi, when she tripped and ended up falling over the railing again, hanging by her feet again.
"This is familiar!" She cried to herself. She was so intent on figuring out what made it familiar, that she forgot how she ended up hanging from the railing. Then the boy Ranma showed up and asked what she was doing. She just didn't know, and she wouldn't answer a worthless *male* anyway so she scoffed and told him to go away. He
shrugged, told her that the blood would rush to her head and then left.
In the back of her mind, only one thing registered. It was thankfulness. She was thankful that she was not wearing her normal outfit, instead a collection of whatever clothing had looked good from what people had been willing to let her borrow-which thankfully had included a pair of pants, rather than her normal dress.
As they left the theater, Ryoga made an announcement. "I'm never taking you to another movie. Both dates we've seen movies, neither one was any good. I haven't seen a movie this bad since that one . . . I cant remember the name . . . the one that tried to make like a world war two movie set in outer space?"
"You mean Wing Captains?"
"That's the one!" Ryoga shuddered.
"Who'd have thought a movie based on a comic book character would be so . . . stupid?" Nabiki sighed. "Besides, I never liked "The Irascible Bulk" you chose it."
"Only because you chose the first one, which was just as bad."
"My movie had elements of comedy relief, yours was so pathetically serious about itself that it was funny! But it certainly wasn't any good."
"Hey, I'm not arguing about that." Ryoga said simply.
"Then we're in agreement, I choose the movies from now on."
"But I don't want to see any movies ever again." Ryoga said. "I'll wait for video . . . or better yet, I'll wait until they come out on regular TV."
"Then what are we supposed to do on our dates?"
"When we're old enough, we'll start going to bars."
"Why? So you can get drunk and make an idiot out of yourself? Or so I can get drunk and not be my super intelligent self?"
"Both." Ryoga said.
"Getting drunk in a bar and then going home with some truck driver named Buck does not constitute a date."
"I wouldn't let you go home with any truck drivers." Ryoga said, grinning at her.
Nabiki smiled back at him, and said, "No, I meant you, directionless wonder. Besides, I will not wait four years for our next date, three and a half years if I want to try and sneak you into the bar."
He laughed weakly and shook his head. "Then we can go out to a nice restaurant. That maybe knows how to make salad?"
"Hmm . . . too much of a chance we'd run into Kinnosuke, or worse I'd make you pay too much. It's a bit of a habit y'know?"
"Oh-ho . . ." Ryoga scratched his head. "Wow. I don't know where to take you. You're hard to please."
"Well you could just take me home." Nabiki offered. "I'm sure we can think of *something* to do. Didn't you make a promise before we left?"
"Oh? Well I wouldn't call it a promise, so much as a suggestion."
"You cant call it a suggestion! That's the wrong word entirely!" Nabiki protested.
"Again, I don't want to die."
"There is still the motel."
"You have the money to check in?"
Nabiki scoffed. "Ryoga, if I don't have money, I can get money, five minutes tops."
"Oh yeah? I'll make you a bet then. You work up a motel fee in five minutes, and we'll go to a motel. If not, we're going to go to . . . an arcade."
"Wont that cost more than the motel?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow, Ryoga smiled.
"Potentially, yes." He said. 'But since I don't want to be castrated . . .' he thought. "But we'll play only one game. That robot arm thing where you strangle the animals."
"You mean the one where you win stuffed animals?"
"Uh . . . yeah, that's a good game too."
"But that's a crappy date."
"We could try and sneak into another movie." Ryoga offered with a chuckle.
Nabiki did that thing where her face goes from looking disgusted to looking really pleased in a half second. "That might be fun."
"Huh? I was joking!" Ryoga said.
"Oh . . . and here I thought you were smart, and brave, a risk taker even." Nabiki sighed. Ryoga frowned. "Hey, I am a smart, brave risk taker!" He protested.
"Hmm? Well then . . . risk taker . . . what movie should we sneak into?"
"Uh . . . Wing Captain?" Ryoga offered.
"And so, in light of this tape recording, I cannot allow your daughter to wed my son." Ryoga's mother said simply. Kasumi frowned, father did too.
"I knew she'd do something like this." Soun said. "I have my chance, the chance for the Tendo Training Hall to obtain two of the most ferocious fighters in the area as instructors, and she ruins it by being . . . her!" He turned to Kasumi. "We should be alright with just Ranma, right? Do you think we can still crush the Koruda school of combat?"
Kasumi shook her head slowly. "Yes of course father," she said, even though she still didn't know what the Koruda school was and really didn't care anymore anyway. To Ryoga's mother she said, "I cannot believe she'd be that . . . well . . ." Kasumi tried to find the word.
"Evil? Cruel?" Mrs. Hibiki offered. "Sultry? Callous?"
"No, I was going to say 'honest'."
"Oh yes . . . well when you've raised children, you'll know how to get them to tell the truth."
"I have raised children." Kasumi's eyes narrowed. "Two of them."
"Really?" Father asked, Kasumi ignored him.
"I know Nabiki well enough not to dispute this tape, I only feel sorry for Ryoga." Ranma said. "I guess now life will revert back to where everything seems to revolve around me. Not that I minded the break, but what can I say? When the universe revolves around you, that's just how it is."
"Confucius?" Akane asked.
"Sun Tzu." Ranma said.
"Don't be stupid, neither of them ever said that!" Cologne scowled.
"What are you doing here?" Ranma cried.
"Making a nuisance of myself." Cologne sighed. "Oh, and I wanted to tell Han that since she's decided not to go back to the village, she has to marry Mousse, since he defeated her in combat.
"Never! It is not fair, the laws of our village do not apply in another country, and anyway you are only doing this because Mousse is a thorn in your side what with his obsession with Shampoo!"
The Amazon shouted from the stairway.
Kasumi sighed. "Alright, could we get back to the actual topic of conversation? My sister, your son, the possibility of a canceled engagement?"
"It is not a possibility, it is a reality, they will not be married." Mrs. Hibiki said. "They deserve better! My son needs a woman who can take care of him, who will tolerate his wandering without seeking other men to entertain her physically, and it wouldnt kill her to know martial arts so that she could train their fifteen children when he is away." There was a pause. "Oh! And I suppose your sister deserves to meet some one like her as well."
"They love each other!" Akane cried.
"Play the tape for her." Ranma said.
But as Ryoga's mother rewound the tape, there was a knock on the door. Kasumi got up and answered it, there was a police officer with Ryoga and Nabiki. The former looked humiliated and depressed, the latter looked thrilled.
"Are you related to either of these two?" The cop asked, seeing how . . . well, law abiding Kasumi looked.
"That is my sister, and my . . . eh . . . future brother-in-law." Kasumi nodded.
"Our son was arrested!?" Ryoga's father wailed.
Kasumi forced a smile. "So officer . . . wont you come inside and . . . tell us what they did?"
Ryoga bowed his head in shame as the cop went over the details of his law-breaking. They'd snuck into a movie, that wasn't so bad. They'd been caught, not so bad. Nabiki dared the security guard to arrest them. That was just dumb. Through it all Soun and Ryoga's father and mother had played the concerned parents, claiming they were just glad to have their children home. It was once the cop was gone, and everyone who might report the coming assault as child abuse that they started tearing into their unsuspecting kids.
Soun started wailing and crying, and mother whacked Ryoga over the head with a fan until he recited all of their ancestors all the way back to the very first Hibiki, Ryo-Kay.
"What were you thinking!?" Soun demanded.
"Well I didn't think he had the power to actually do it!" Nabiki cried. "Besides, it was fun! Like those two British bank robbers! Bobby and Klien!"
"I think you're very, very confused." Mr. Harume sighed. "Bobby and Klien were not real people, the person you want to admire is Smelly the Two Armed Bandit!"
"Sir!" Soun said. "Please do not encourage my daughter to break laws, by telling her of crime heroes! And Smelly wasn't real either!"
"Quite right. We don't need her getting ideas." Harume nodded. "But Smelly *was* real." Ryoga sighed.
"Nabiki, how could you do something like that?" Kasumi chided.
"What's the big deal? We got off with a warning, and we got a free ride home." Nabiki said.
"What's next? Are you going to run around town with a big American flag, shouting 'down with communism!' or just start taking speed?" Mother asked. Ryoga scowled at her, she ignored him.
"Well, 'speed' might be fun if I knew what the heck it was." Nabiki said idly. "Anyway, if I wanted to protest communism, I'd either start in a communist country, or start by conquering this little island. Then we're looking at a dictatorship, no one drinks the sodas I don't like, and those software companies? They give me ten percent of everything they make each year, if they're caught cheating me I put them out of business, their executives will be forced into slavery." She said simply.
Kasumi shook her head. "As if the tape wasn't bad enough, now we find out you have a hard-on for law breaking?"
"Technically Kasumi, only guys can have a 'hard-on'." Ranma noted.
"What tape?" Nabiki demanded.
"This tape! The tape recording of our conversation!" Mother laughed. Ryoga groaned.
"So what's the big deal?" Nabiki scoffed.
Mother grinned wickedly, and pressed the 'play' button.
Her voice came on.
"Note to self, find out if that amazon girl is on drugs . . ."
"HEY!" Lotion shouted from the stairway.
"Oops! That's a little too far back." Mother admitted. She pressed the fast forward button. She came to the point she wanted, and pressed 'play'.
"So he's just a slave to you then?" Mother's voice asked simply.
"Yes, of course!" Nabiki said. "So what?"
"Do you really love him?" Mother asked skeptically.
"Of course not!"
Ryoga looked over to Nabiki, who looked like she didn't understand what had just happened.
"Is that supposed to be my voice?" She asked.
"Yes. Isn't that what you said?" Ryoga's mother pressed.
"What? No it isn't, I remember pretty clearly our conversation. Lets see . . . hmm . . . I know it ended with me telling you that I hated you, and you saying you hated me . . . hmm . . ."
Ryoga sighed, he didn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. Not only had mother been trying to sabotage him and Nabiki from the moment she learned of the engagement, but Nabiki would never be so careless as to actually say something like that out loud. And yet . . . how else would mother have gotten the recording. "You didn't really say that, did you?" Ryoga raised an eyebrow.
Nabiki smiled at him. "Who are you going to believe? A tape recorder with my voice on it, or me . . . no wait, don't answer that! Believe me, I didn't say anything like that, she's lying!"
"If I am lying, why do I have it all on tape?" Mother demanded.
"It is clearly you, having a conversation with yourself, mimicking my voice." Nabiki responded.
"No, that's your voice." Mother sighed. She shook her head and looked at Ryoga. "Are you sure you love her son? She isn't as bright as you say she is."
"Cant you just stop already?" Ryoga sighed.
"I am your mother, don't tell me when to stop!" She cried. "I have only your best interests at heart!"
Ryoga thought for a moment closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. "Of course. I understand. Even if that means going against the deal we made earlier in the dojo?"
"Do you really think I'd ever keep that promise-er I mean nonsense! I'd never lie to you!"
"Honey, let him have his way already, we don't need him *hating* us for the rest of his life!"
"Oh yeah? Well you may feel that way, but I for one don't care if he hates me!" Harume cried.
"Ryoga Hibiki, I must be rid of my daughter! And you are the only man that wants her!"
"But I don't want her." Ryoga said.
"Eh? Oh . . . okay then." Harume smiled to himself, then some spasm traveled through his body.
"Wait! I mean 'that's too bad!' Because you're going to marry Yoshimi! I challenge you to a fight!"
"You're on!" Ryoga laughed.
"Challenge? Fight? Some one challenging me? This hour? Eh?" Ranma perked up form sleep.
"Go back to sleep Ranma, he was talking to Ryoga." Akane said.
"Ahh . . . good . . . zzzz"
"I swear, he hears the words 'challenge', 'martial arts' or 'fight' and he's all ears, anything else and he's about as thick as a castle's wall." Akane sighed when Ranma had fallen asleep again.
"WAH! Martial arts! Challenging me to Martial Arts? No one beats me at Martial Arts!" Ranma woke up again.
"See what I mean?" Akane sighed, and just bopped him on the head, he went right back to sleep.
Ryoga fought a smile. Not because of Ranma and Akane, but because he knew this was his chance! This was his moment!
"No Mr. Harume, I challenge *you*!" Ryoga said.
"Same difference." Harume scoffed.
"Yes, but if I win, you never bother me to marry your daughter again! If I loose, I'll gladly marry Yoshimi!"
"Ryoga!" Nabiki snapped.
"Relax, I cant possibly lose." Ryoga chuckled.
"Excellent! Then let the two on two battle begin!" Harume cried.
"Right!" Ryoga nodded. He frowned. "Hold on a second, two on two?" He blinked.
"Yes. You cannot expect me, a rich man to fight without his loyal ninja body guard! You may use your own ninja body guard if you wish."
"But . . . but I don't have a ninja body guard!" Ryoga said.
Harume smiled wickedly. "Oh? What a shame."
"Had to knock out Ranma, didn't you Akane?" Nabiki growled.
"Don't blame this on me!" Akane cried.
"Why not, it's so convenient." Nabiki hissed.
"She's right Nabiki, this isn't her fault." Ryoga scoffed. "Besides, Ranma isnt a ninja. What's the problem? You don't think I can handle these two?"
"Sure you can." Nabiki sighed. "But if you don't . . ."
"Don't worry, I'll help you, Ryoga!" Akane cried.
"No you wont!" Harume said. "I will not allow my henchman a young lady with your masterful cooking skills."
"You're just joking, right?" Kasumi blinked.
"No fair!" Akane cried.
"Well, then I suppose I'll have to step in." Soun said reluctantly. "For the sake of my daughter's happiness . . ."
"No, I wont fight my own host." Harume said.
"Oh . . . drat. Well, daddy tried, Nabiki." Soun said, he sounded relieved though.
"Don't worry son, I'll fight with you!" Father tried.
"No you wont." Mother said.
"I guess I'm on my own." Ryoga said simply.
"No! I'll fight with you!" Nabiki offered.
Ryoga looked at her. Their eyes met and there was a moment of serene love that passed between them . . . then it was over powered, and shot to death by unbridled laughter. "Yeah right!" Ryoga laughed.
"Really Nabiki, you? Fight?" Akane cried, choking back tears.
"It is not that we doubt you're financial skills Nabiki, but I seem to remember a little girl who swore off martial arts when the punching bag beat her to a pulp twelve matches straight!" Genma laughed.
"That's as funny as Lotion saying she was going to some day beat Shampoo!" Cologne laughed.
"Yes, that is . . . HEY!" Lotion cried. "Does no one care about my feelings?"
"Nope!" Nabiki laughed. Then she stopped herself. "I mean, yes! Yes Lotion, we all love you.
Won't you do us a mighty favor, and lend us your fighting skills?"
"I think I'm better off without her help." Ryoga noted.
"She'll distract one of them long enough for you to finish the other." Nabiki whispered.
"Okay, here are the rules," Harume said. "The battle is over once one team looses a team member, if the amazon faints, or is kicked out of the circle before the battle is over, and you loose." Harume smiled.
"Aww nuts." Nabiki sighed.
"No matter, I'll just have to be really careful." Ryoga said. "And Lotion, don't get out of the circle!"
"Uh . . . yes . . . what circle?" Lotion asked.
Everyone was silent. Finally Genma sighed. "From the mouths of babes."
"Well we haven't made a circle yet." Harume admitted. "But take one step out of it, and it's over!"
"Aha, yes." Lotion nodded.
"Lets make this circle, and then lets begin." Ryoga said eagerly.
"I want a good clean fight! No hitting bellow the belt, no super powered attacks, and most importantly no sharp edged weapons! First member of either team to step, or land outside of the circle disqualifies himself-or herself and his-or her partner." Ryoga's mother said. "Now lets get it on!"
The ninja watched Ryoga and the amazon. He knew just how to handle the tough boy, and even old man Harume could take the Amazon. This would be easy! He decided he should get ready to say "Hello!" to his next pay check, which would be ridiculously large after this!
Harume was thinking something more along the lines of wether or not the amazon was seeing anyone, sure she looked like she might well be Yoshimi's age, but then ever since he'd seen that American show with that warrior woman with the flying ring he'd wanted to make out with an amazon.
Ryoga was thinking about how screwed he was. Lotion was likely to leave the ring on accident before the fighting really started. He took one last look at Nabiki and felt his heart pounding. He couldn't afford to lose this fight!
Despite popular belief, Lo-Chun was not stupid. She was absolutely certain that she could prove it by helping male servant win this competition. But then when she stepped into the circle, she realized she really, really had to go to the bathroom!
She'd have to make this quick. "You know," she said to Harume and his ninja, "there are three things that Han Lo-Chun does not like. Things she will not stand for. First, I do not like Shampoo. Second, I loath trees. Now third, and finally . . . well I know you adjusted that tape for your own purposes to defame the sister of my adopted mother, Kasumi, and it makes me sick!"
Kasumi groaned. Lo-Chun wasn't sure if it was because of her declaration about the tape, or her calling Kasumi her adopted mother. "The third thing I do not like is any kind of cheater, which is why I do not like you! And that said . . ." She splashed Ryoga with cold water. "behold my pig!"
"PIGGIE!" Harume cried. "OOH! I'm gonna eat youu!"
"Master! NNNOOO!" The ninja cried.
Lo-Chun threw male servant out of the ring, Harume shot off like a bullet following him, catching him and drooling.
"What have you done!?" Akane cried. "You just made Ryoga lose!"
"Not so!" Lo-Chun said. She pointed to Harume, who was standing outside the circle, holding P-Chan. "You see? Male servant has not landed outside of the ring, however Mr. Harume left it of his own accord."
"Wow!" Kasumi gasped.
"That's something we'd never expect from you." Cologne said, it sounded as if there was the tiniest measure of approval in her voice. Lo-Chun felt so proud!
"Yes . . . well it doesn't count as a victory." Ryoga's mother said coldly. Lo-Chun fell over.
"But . . . but I did something right! I won! I REALLY won!"
"Yes dear, good for you. However Ryoga is not in the ring, and so he is therefore out of the ring, even if he didn't land outside he is still outside."
"But you said land or step out of!" Lo-Chun cried.
"Yes, but I would assume that if one's entire body was outside of the circle he'd have stepped out, or been thrown out. Come now, no one can fly, so therefor Ryoga is disqualified."
"Oh no you don't!" Lo-Chun cried, drawing two knives and spinning them menacingly just to show Mrs. Hibiki what she could do.
"Uh . . . in light of your ingenuity and willingness to risk defeat for the sake of a well though out ploy however, I will consider it a tie." Mrs. Hibiki offered.
Lo-Chun decided this was acceptable. She nodded and sheathed her daggers. Kasumi sighed with relief. "Good thing Mrs. Hibiki doesn't know that our Hand Lotion doesn't know how to use those."
"Seriously." Akane agreed.
Lo-Chun scoffed. "I do so know how to use them!" She threw them, both missed their targets-Kasumi and Akane-and instead pinned the pink ninja to the wall by the oversized feminine shoulder pads. "Drat-er I mean, see!? See that? Pure skill!" Lo-Chun cried.
"Very good." Kasumi said, she sounded impressed.
"That was amazing!" Akane gawked.
"What did I do to you?!" The ninja complained.
"Heh-heh-heh, all in a day's work for an assassin!" Lo-Chun chuckled.
"You know, for an assassin, you don't really kill very many people." Mr. Saotome pointed out. Lo-Chun scowled. "Well no one has hired me! I do not murder for free!"
And then Mrs. Hibiki knew what she had to do. Ryoga's infatuation with this girl had to end, and if it . . . no . . . no, assassinating her son wouldn't solve anything.
Well, she'd thought she was on to something. But wait! She could assassinate Nabiki instead!
Perfect!
No . . . no she didn't really want to kill Nabiki . . . she'd had no problem with her until she found out she was engaged to Ryoga, in all fairness she couldn't kill a young girl just for loving her son, after all, Ryoga had his father's good looks combined with his mother's level headed mature attitude and with a combination like that it was no surprise Ryoga had the seventeen year old goddess wanting him.
Still, Nabiki was not nearly as rich as Yoshimi, and no matter how good she was with money, she probably never would be. Ryoga needed a wife who'd take care of him, Nabiki was more like a big sister.
'The sort of big sister you have sex with.' Mrs. Hibiki thought bitterly. 'Okay, 'big sister' was a bad example.' She decided. 'Still, the girl isn't really wife material.'
She watched Nabiki toss scorching hot water on Ryoga, and then Mr. Harume was hugging a naked, teenage boy with a bit more muscle than he had right to have.
"AAHH!" Harume cried.
"AAHH!" Ryoga agreed.
Kasumi brought Ryoga his cloths while the assassin complained about how she had to get a "new pair of virgin eyes" thanks to the "male servant's" shamelessness.
Mrs. Hibiki sighed. If Ryoga really wanted to marry this girl, there was just one thing to do. "You there, Middle Tendo who dresses like a . . . grr . . . you know what you dress like. Come with me, we must speak!"
"How stupid do you think I am?" Nabiki demanded.
"Oh we'll get into that later." Ryoga's mother assured Nabiki. "For now, you and I must talk."
"Oh joy." Nabiki scowled.
"I know." Mrs. Hibiki scowled back.
Later, in her own room Nabiki entertained the woman that she still hoped-but with less enthusiasm now-to some day call 'mother'.
"You understand, I only want what's best for him." Ryoga's mother said.
"You keep saying that, but you wont listen to him." Nabiki said tensely.
"I hear every word. He's in love with a girl who is 'only' a year older, she's just dressing like normal teenage girls, and most importantly, she happens to have contracts-or rather, a single contract now-holding him to her as a slave."
"I'll tear the contract up right now if you want, it doesn't matter." Nabiki shrugged. "I *love* him, I'm sure you know how that feels."
"That's the only reason I haven't killed you yet." Ryoga's mother sighed.
Nabiki shook her head. "I'm going to go shopping tomorrow . . . if you want to come and tell me what sort of clothing you think is appropriate you're welcome to tag along, but if you get lost I'm not coming after you."
"I thought I told you, I don't have a bad sense of direction!" Ryoga's mother cried.
Nabiki smiled. "It wont matter in this mall. *I* got lost in this mall."
"Is it big?"
"Massive." Nabiki nodded.
"Very well. I suppose I could go with you. But that is off subject!"
"Is it?"
"Yes. You see the problem is not just your clothing, it is you. You are too old."
"Oh, sure, but you've got no problem with Kasumi marrying him."
"Well I do not know how old Kasumi is." Ryoga's mom shrugged.
"She's going on twenty." Nabiki's eyes narrowed.
"I . . . see . . . well at least she cooks."
"I can cook!"
"And she cleans."
"I clean . . . when I'm motivated to do so."
"She is nice."
"I can . . . be . . . eh . . . nice. Kind of." Nabiki said. She shook her head. "Look, it doesn't matter, because unless I'm blind as a bat, Ryoga loves me, and not Kasumi. Not to mention the fact that Kasumi has no interest in younger men."
"Yes, I remember that, what a shame."
"So?" Nabiki asked.
"So . . . yes."
"Yes?"
"You may marry my son."
Nabiki froze. She felt extreme pressure lift off her shoulders, then she felt suspicious.
"You may marry Ryoga, after he's had his second formal meeting with Yoshimi, then if he still wants you, you two may get married. Your mother and father must sign a contract with my husband and me, signifying the union of our clans, and so on, and you must wait one year until Ryoga is eighteen so that you may be married legally."
"Oh-ho. Does it matter that I don't have a mother?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow.
"Meh. Kasumi can sign I suppose." Ryoga's mother said. "But before you even think of wedding my son-"
"Too late." Nabiki said.
Ryoga's mother scowled. "Yes, well before you think of it further, you will have to undergo serious bridal training."
"Yeah, I've been trying to talk him into that, but he's never in the mood." Nabiki complained before she realized what Ryoga's mother had meant. "Eh . . . oops."
"Well . . . I'm not sure if I want to understand what that meant, so I'll not dwell on it. Anyway you will receive vigorous training by me."
"Yes ma'am." Nabiki yawned.
"It will be very vigorous!" Ryoga's mother warned.
"Right."
"You will suffer pain as never before." She added.
"If it means you letting me marry Ryoga? I'll suffer anything!"
"Excellent." Ryoga's mother laughed wickedly.
Ryoga whacked his father in the back of the head. "And you just let her try to trick me?"
"Yes!" Father scowled, whacking Ryoga back.
"What the heck is wrong with you?" Ryoga demand. "Stand up to her for once!"
"Why don't you?"
"I have been! But I'm her son, it isn't proper, you're her husband, you're allowed to argue with her!"
"But if you want to ever have a little sister, or brother, it's best if I let her have her way." Dad sighed.
Ryoga scoffed. "Listen, listen carefully, when mom walks through that door, I'm going to tell her off, and you just back me up, okay?"
"Well alright." Dad sighed.
"Those of us about to die, salute you." Ranma nodded.
"Be quiet!" Ryoga growled. The door opened and in came mom and Nabiki. "Mother!" Ryoga cried.
"Yes?"
"Listen to me, and don't interrupt! If she's willing I'm going to marry Nabiki. I should be able to marry whomever I want to anyway, and you cant make me marry Yoshimi! You went against our bargain and tried to trick me, well if you try some ploy like that I will no longer call myself 'Hibiki', do you understand?"
"Of course. I can see you'll not take 'no' for an answer my son, and so I will allow you to marry this girl after she has had proper bridal training from me, and you've had your second formal meeting with Yoshimi."
"My what? Ewe!" Ryoga groaned.
"You're one heck of a negotiator, Ryoga." Nabiki smiled at him.
"Heh-heh, I sure am . . . why do I feel like I'm part of some joke that I don't know about?"
"What ever could you mean?" Mother giggled.
"You two are laughing for one, and furthermore I was expecting you to harm me, mom."
"Yeah, I was expecting something similar." Father noded. "Instead yo agree? Honey, what are you playing at?"
"Well Ryoga will love Yoshimi the moment he sees her, but if we try to force him he'll be extra stubborn, he has to give love a chance, and if letting him have his whore until then is the way to do that, then so be it."
"We're still standing right here!" Ryoga scowled.
"When you plot behind someone's back, do it *behind* their backs." Nabiki nodded.
"Oh . . . uh . . . why don't you two go and . . . do something . . . uh, with your cloths on that is."
Mom shrugged.
Ryoga sighed. Nabiki dragged him out of the room.
"Some times I worry about him." Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "He never told us he was into the sultry girls, I could have arranged a marriage to that Reiko Mitamura girl."
"Honey, I'd love to agree, but I must know . . . what the heck does 'sultry' mean? Is it like a fancy way of saying 'slutty?' or something?"
"Sort of." Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "Darling, do you think this is the right thing to do?"
"Oh I suppose. I don't care for Yoshimi, Ryoga probably wont, at least now we know he'll end up with a girl."
"Huh?"
"Well I remember he used to write to me about this pigtailed boy that he was following around, and someone named Akane. The basic ambiance of his letters suggested he had something for Akane, but this Akane person sounded so masculine and, well I feared we'd never have grand children."
The boy, Ranma, fell over laughing.
Mrs. Hibiki sighed. "Darling, Akane is the youngest daughter of our kind host, if you recall."
"Eh? Which one is she?"
"The short one."
"Oh! Well . . . Ryoga isn't gay then! I'm so happy I could . . . I could . . . go to sleep." He said, and he did so.
Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "Oh yes, sleep husband dear. And go ahead and think you've won, Ryoga, but I have one last trick up my sleeve! Soon Ryoga, soon I will-"
"Are you calling me?" Ryoga asked, showing up in the doorway.
"No dear." His mother said waving him away, he left and she continued, "Soon I will convince your girlfriend to wear such stupid cloths that he'll never want to touch her! Ahahahaha!"
The boy, Ranma scratched his head. "You're weird."
"Thank you." Mrs. Hibiki chuckled. "I don't suppose I could bother you not to tell my son what I
just said?"
"Well he's my rival, but he's also my best friend." Ranma said.
"I have candy."
"Mom always said to never take candy from strangers." Ranma narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, but I'm no stranger, I'm you best friend's mother. Besides, your mom isn't here."
"Oh yeah! What kind of candy ya got?"
"Lemon drops." She whispered. "Lemon drops with a special secret ingredient!" She cried.
"Special, secret forgetful potion! Ahahaha!"
Ranma scoffed. "No thanks."
"Curses, I said the quiet part loud, and the loud part quiet, didn't I?"
"Yes."
"Hmm . . . in that case . . . Amnesia Dust!" She cried, throwing dust into Ranma's eyes.
"Ahh! You just threw dust in my eyes and I cant remember why!"
"Heh-heh. Now the world is safe for my evil!" Ryoga's mother chuckled. Too bad Nabiki didn't know that in inviting her future mother-in-law to come shopping with her she'd helped separate herself from Ryoga! Hah!
Oh no! Mrs. Hibiki realized she'd just thought of herself as Nabiki's future mother-in-law! That couldn't be a good omen!
To Be Concluded . . .
Next Chapter . . .
Ryoga had this strange suspicion that mother nature didn't introduce mankind to sex just so they could relieve stress and feel really good, there was a catch, it was designed to continue the species.
That if felt so good had resulted in mankind overrunning the world and slowly killing mother nature.
Ryoga decided she must be feeling pretty stupid by now.