Author's Note (before we start): I apologize exceptionally for this story beforehand, as it has much Out Of Character behavior, and much snogging. This story was not a story idea in itself, but a dream. It also contains, however, and I'm sure you'll agree, some nicer aspects, such as a Really Cute Blonde Guy in a loin cloth. I apologize beforehand for any injuries due to uncontrollable laughter, or unsanity caused by this story.

Once upon a time, on a random peak in the Mortmain Mountains, Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Quigley, Olaf, and Esme were all very confused. For some reason, some of the characters from the Harry Potter books seemed to be snogging some of them unmercifully on ledges. Harry and Hermione were holding hands. Ron looked both grossed out and hurt. Ginny was eyeing Quigley with her eyes, and Ron was snogging Violet, even though he was still looking both grossed out and hurt. Quigley looked possibly even more grossed out and hurt than Ron did.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD TIMES, VIOLET?" he was shouting. "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 'PRIVACY'? WHAT HAPPENED TO US?"

Violet waved her hand impatiently, and scooted closer to Ron. "Pfft," she scoffed, "I've got a new ledge-buddy."

 But, before anyone else could be sidetracked by Quigley's sobbing and shouting, or Ron and Violet's snogging noises, Hermione spotted Olaf. Music played. The kind of music that plays when someone is looking at their true love for the first time.

"Oh, Olaf!" Hermione said, quickly breaking up with Harry and addressing the villain, even though she didn't know his name, "Where have you been all my fifteen years?"

"Fifteen?" Olaf said, looking startled. "I love younger women!" The two climbed up on a ledge, using fork-assisted climbing shoes, and began to snog. By this time, Esme was yelling at Olaf for something he didn't do (as well as something he did), Quigley was yelling at Violet for something she was doing at the moment, and everyone else who wasn't snogging was yelling at no one for the sake of yelling. As you can tell, it was becoming very loud. But no one seemed to care, since everything had been very strange since the Harry Potter characters had arrived.

Of course, none of that really mattered, since they were all too pre-occupied by yelling and snogging to care. So, as Harry and Ginny were sitting alone together with no choice but to yell or snog, and since they were suddenly poofed to a tea shop, and since Harry's throat was becoming rather hoarse, they decided to sit on a ledge on the wall of the tea-shop and snog. Ron stopped snogging Violet, however, and ruined their fun.

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SPENT THE NIGHT WITH MY SISTER!" yelled Ron, making a big deal out of nothing (and I do mean nothing, for this accusation wasn't accurate). Violet looked both grossed out and hurt, as did Harry and Ginny. So, as a result, they all began to yell at once.

"I DID NOT!"

"STOP YELLING AND SNOG!"

"YOU DID TOO, NOW STOP SNOGGING HER THIS MINUTE!"

"LEAVE THEM ALONE, RON, I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME!"

"HE DIDN'T, NOW GO AND SNOG VIOLET!"

"YEAH! SNOG VIOLET!"

"Yeah, snog me."

"AAAARRGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD TIMES, VIOLET? WHAT HAPPENED?"

"WHY ARE YOU ORPHAN BRATS YELLING?" Esme had stormed over, leaving Olaf and Hermione to their snogging.

Ginny, Ron, and Hermione all looked hurt. They all began to yell at once, making the result of the other yelling match seem even more of a result.

"I – AM – NOT – AN – ORPHAN!"

This bout of screaming made everyone else look at Ron, who had made the bout of screaming a bout of screaming in the first place.

Esme continued her fury, which had started when Olaf had started snogging Hermione. "Your love interest," she said, furiously, "is over there, snogging with my love interest. What are you, you scruffy non-orphan brat, going to do about it?"

Ron looked at Hermione and Olaf. Then she looked back at Violet. They began to snog again, but Violet broke off, screaming. "BUT OUR LOVE INTERESTS ARE SWITCHED!" she fumed, "BESIDES, YOU DON'T WANT YOUR HARMONY –"

"Hermione," Ron put in.

"Thank you. . . . HERMIONE WITH OLAF! He's an evil man!" Violet, for almost no reason at all, began to cry. She stormed out of the tea shop. Harry, who had paused his snogging session with Ginny to watch this riot, looked startled.

"Wow." He scratched his head. "Déjà vu."

Ron, meanwhile, went over to Hermione and peeled her off of Olaf, who was, in fact, no longer there. In his place was a cardboard sign in the shape and form of Olaf.

"Oh, Ron!" Hermione said, quickly breaking up with Olaf and addressing Ron, even though she didn't know Olaf's name. "Where have you been, for the past fifteen minutes?"

"Uh." Ron decided not to answer. "OVER THERE!" He pulled her onto the ledge (as they were back in the mountains) and they began to snog.

Esme, being herself, had to snog someone. She looked around, and grabbed Harry. Ginny shrugged, and began to snog Olaf.

Since they were not in the tea shop anymore, and they were no longer shouting, it seems the correct time to tell you what the other Quagmires were doing at the moment. They were in the Black house, where the self-sustaining hot-air mobile home had run out of grapefruit juice.

"KREACHER!" Isadora was yelling. "Get us some more grapefruit juice!"

"Make me a peanut butter jelly sandwich!" yelled Duncan, banging his fists on the arms of his fourteenth-century medieval torture device, which was cleverly disguised as a chair.

They had been doing this for over three hours, demanding grapefruit juice and peanut butter jelly. He felt like he could kill someone. So, I am sad to tell you, he did. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, leaping at Hector, who really hadn't done a thing but bring the triplets there in the first place, which, now you think of it, was pretty bad, for Kreacher anyway. Hector's throat was torn open, and he soon died. The Quagmire triplets ogled at him, but soon they began to cheer along with the rest of the crowd, who had just appeared there as if by magic.

Everyone stopped cheering at once. They had stopped cheering because of a single implement which would in turn stop everyone in the world from cheering. They were all having their butts poked by light sabers, which had appeared in their hands as magically as they had appeared in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. A few moments later, however, everyone began to take advantage of the fact that they had Jedi-style weapons in their hands, and went off to gain revenge on their enemies (and, possibly, their friends).

Ron, taking advantage of the fact that he had a Jedi-style weapon in his hand, went off to gain revenge on Olaf, who had snogged Hermione for far too long (even if he was only a cardboard sign for most of the time). Olaf took his light saber, which was red, for the greater good, and began to do kung-fu moves with it, which is not at all acceptable. Jedi master Yoda, who had appeared in the crowd as well, approached Olaf with his usual calm smile.

"Concentrating, you are not," he said, being Yoda-ish. "Summon the force, you must, for all around you it is. Though I can see, to the dark side you have gone."

Yoda scuttled away. Olaf summoned the force. They continued their fight.

Meanwhile, in another part of the crowd, Quigley was about to take advantage of the fact that he had a Jedi-style weapon in his hand, and go off to gain revenge on Violet for snogging Ron instead of him. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he cried, making himself sound quite insane, and began to whack at her light saber without really doing any harm to her.

Harry had been cowering under the chair this whole time, not wanting to get hurt by the scary light sabers. But, by this time, he was rather thirsty. So he looked around, and spotted Isadora. Music played. The kind of music that plays when someone is looking at someone they really, really want to harm for the first time. Harry, being of sound mind and little or no light saber in his hand, decided to take the straightforward approach, and began to tear at Isadora's throat. Isadora, being of sound mind and little or no clue what was going on, began to scream for help.

Suddenly, there was a flash of blonde hair, and a figure seemed to swing out of nowhere on a vine. It was Draco Malfoy, dressed in his Sunday best, a loin cloth and some banana leaves. "HAVE NO FEAR! The Really Cute Blonde Guy is here!" he said, before landing in front of Harry and striking a pose. Harry ogled him, from his sexy blonde hair to his skimpy loin cloth, and pounced. They began to snog.

Ginny, who had been lurking in a cowardly fashion nearby, looked both disgusted and hurt, but then she spotted Duncan. Music played. The kind of music that plays when someone has spotted their true love for the first time.

"Oh, Duncan!" she said, quickly becoming less distraught and addressing the boy, even though she didn't know his name. "Where have you been all my fourteen years?"

"Fourteen?" Duncan said, looking startled. "I love older women!" There being no ledge nearby, the two merely began to snog. Isadora looked neither disgusted nor hurt, but merely distraught. But then she spotted Dumbledore. Music played. The kind of music that plays when Andy Griffith is about to come on. The two began walking down country lanes with fishing poles, and Isadora threw a stone into a lake.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there were cows. One cow, however docile and productive a creature she was, was in distress. She had sliced her tongue on a piece of very sharp grass, and was now seriously harmed. The cow mooed loudly, then backed away quickly, bringing her seriously harmed tongue with her.

Suddenly, there was a flash of blonde hair, and a figure seemed to swing out of nowhere on a vine. It was Draco Malfoy, dressed in his Sunday best, a loin cloth and some banana leaves. "HAVE NO FEAR! The Really Cute Blonde Guy is here!" he shouted before landing in front of the cow, and striking a pose. The cow, instead of ogling, pouncing, and snogging, merely ogled, so Draco gave up on the cow and went back to Harry.

Meanwhile, back at the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, everyone was still fighting with light sabers, except, of course, Esme, who argued that they were 'so totally not in'. Olaf was still snogging Ginny, but he had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ginny's fiery red hair reminded him of something. Namely, fire. Olaf dropped Ginny (much to her chagrin) and went off to fetch his matches. He then made his way to the ranch, because he decided that that was a good place to light a fire.

Now, as you can probably tell, the cows were in distress. The Really Cute Blonde Guy was still snogging Harry. So who saved the day?

Suddenly, there was a flash of red hair, and a figure seemed to swing out of nowhere on a vine. It was not Draco Malfoy, dressed in his Sunday best, a loin cloth and some banana leaves. It was Ron Weasley, dressed in his Sunday best, a loin cloth and some banana leaves. "HAVE NO FEAR!" he shouted, "THE REALLY CUTE, TALL, RED-HAIRED, ATTRACTIVE, ANIMALLY-MAGNETIC GUY WITH AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX IS HERE!" Instead of landing in front of the cows and striking a pose, Ron kept swinging, because he had forgotten to let go of the vine. The cows, instead of not ogling, pouncing, and snogging, but merely ogling, ran away from the vine-swinging hottie, leaving no one to be harmed except everyone who wasn't a cow.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, where the story was already taking place, the light-saber-carrying fangirls (and boys) had been chasing The Really Cute, Tall, Red-Haired, Attractive, Animally-Magnetic Guy With An Inferiority Complex all the way from The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, thinking him to be a Really Cute, Tall, Red-Haired, Attractive, Animally-Magnetic Guy With An Inferiority Complex, which he was. Since no one had expected Ron to forget to let go of his vine, or let go of their light sabers, the consequences of this were disastrous – for Olaf, anyway. The light-saber-carrying fangirls (and boys) all landed on the unsuspecting but suspected Count Olaf, who had just begun to light his fire upon a large stream of gasoline.

So, the day was saved, thanks to the Really Cute, Tall, Red-Haired, Attractive, Animally-Magnetic Guy With An Inferiority Complex, also known as Ron Weasley. Quigley and Violet were already getting back to ledge-snogging; Harry and Ginny went back to their own books and decided to start a tea-shop of their own; Olaf and Esme went back to their dastardly duties (namely starting fires); and Ron and Hermione – well, Ron was still swinging on his vine, and Hermione was still snogging some random person in the crowd, but eventually, Ron and Hermione moved to Veblen to start their own fire-department.

Finite Incantatem. Or something.