~14~

Teghan Advises


Luke was halfway to the ship before he realized that he was being followed.

He paused on the wooded path, discerning a presence behind him, and turned to see Teghan, their first Terapinn contact.

This puzzled him, as he had not yet clearly identified Teghan's role in the Whilldom. He had not seen any others of her species, and she had seemed to answer to Cace Lendene as a superior, a master, or even an owner. Perhaps she had broken the rules by slipping away to follow him, but it was clear from the expression on her weathered face that there was a matter of some urgency that she wanted to discuss with him.

"Wait, Skywalker," she ordered unnecessarily, for Luke was already standing patiently at the side of the path, his hands in his pockets, watching her limp towards him. Frustration and hurt were still coursing through him, and when Teghan had caught up, he resumed walking, reminding himself to put one foot in front of the other, keep going, force away the forbidden feelings – just like everyday, punishing himself for feeling strongly though staying mild had come to be a punishment in itself.

"Skywalker," Teghan panted, tugging feebly at his shirttail. "We must stop."

Thick annoyance welled up in Luke, but he obeyed, following Teghan to a boulder at the side of the path, upon which she climbed and squatted, settling onto her voluminous robes. Luke sat next to her – he was positive now that Teghan was female – on the flat part of the boulder, cross-legged, and gazed down at his pursuer.

Her violet eyes, shrouded in wrinkled sockets, peered at him with more cohesion than she had displayed thus far, and Luke was reminded of Yoda and his harmlessly crazy front, hiding an alarmingly perceptive interior.

"You are of ill disposition," she pointed out.

"That's a clever euphemism," Luke growled. "Where we come from, we call it being angry."

He didn't know why, but he felt very mean all of a sudden.

"You are always like this?" Teghan asked innocently.

Luke knotted his hands into fists, which he hid behind his back. "Most of the time anger or any kind of detrimental negative emotion is considered dangerous and something like a crime, but I do allow myself the odd tantrum when I perceive that I've been had."

Teghan seemed to find this wildly funny, perhaps because he was speaking to her in the same riddles she had addressed him with, and showed this by laughing long and loudly at him. Her laugh was like the hot scrape of a blade through thick alloy, and Luke shuddered.

"Had by what?" Teghan scoffed, ending her gleeful outburst as abruptly as she had begun it.

"Verina." Luke angled his head in the direction of the village. Teghan fell silent, nodding.

"Ah," she murmured quietly. "I see, I do. Affronted by the truth, Skywalker?"

"Truth!" he spat. "Her comments were unjustified."

Teghan shook her head, folding her horned hands in her lap. "I saw many years in the galaxy beyond before this people ceded their land and were made to come here, and never once did the possibility of death cross their minds. Not before, and not now. Tell me, Skywalker, what did you expect to find here?"

Very clever, Luke thought, to explain the secret of the Whills' success before asking him his expectations. It would make his answer sound so much more removed from the truth. How many times had he used this same tactic on his students, on Tara Jaksbin when she hovered overwrought outside his office door, on Lilandra when she indulged her passionate nature in fits of horrific temper? A few short lightyears had demoted him from teacher to student. His heart sank into his knees.

"We didn't expect to find … this," he answered quietly, albeit honestly. "We thought your people would be … afraid. Downtrodden. In need of help!"

"You thought you could save us?" Teghan asked.

"Yes ... that was the idea."

"Then how, might I ask, were Verina's comments in any way unjustified?"

Luke frowned, but did not reply.

"Perhaps your anger is unjustified," Teghan pressed.

"I don't need disciplining," Luke said darkly.

"Perhaps not, but you need to clarify your intentions. I can see that you are unsure of how to proceed. If you like, we can use that as your new excuse."

"I don't like being patronized," Luke warned her, but there was no edge in his voice, no rancor towards this creature. He supposed that this was her way of offering help.

"No one likes to admit that they have made a mistake, but clearly, you have."

"And how do you know that my crew didn't intend to just pop round for afternoon tea?" Luke asked, slightly accusingly, and, spurred on by the placidity on her face, a face in need of education in feeling, he let his frustration surge up from the pit of his stomach, exiting his mouth in a flood of bilious words that made his cheeks flush with the realization of their acidity.

"How do you know the galaxy hasn't known about Terapinn for ten years, and everyone has a copy of that … that damned map … and they've all just been too caught up in twenty successive years – twenty years! – of war to care a whit what happened out here?"

Teghan, instead of rising to the verbal bait Luke was dangling before her, regarded him sadly and soberly, seeming to understand the repression he had been facing for months now: children sent away and no one to tell, Mara retreating behind her formidable emotional fortress and no one to tell, the ever-widening rift between the Jedi and the rest of the galaxy and no one to tell, no one who could possibly understand …

Luke shuddered suddenly, and Teghan sighed.

"If that were the case, if Terapinn had not entered your reality two weeks ago, I presume, you would not be nearly as upset."

She had him there. He slouched down against the boulder, subdued, filling his palms with dust and then opening them to the wind.

"Luke," she said gently. "Tell me truthfully – your reason for coming here?"

"I already told you: we were under the impression that there were people here who required our assistance."

"No," Teghan repeated firmly, and Luke was suddenly reminded of the way Lilandra had not long ago taken him by the shoulders, stared into his eyes, and repeated her question in the galaxy lake, so that he might understand her meaning. "What was your reason for coming here?"

"I was hoping to find relief, and purpose," Luke explained heavily. "My life is spiraling rapidly into meaninglessness, but I've got no one – nothing … they don't understand, they can't understand." He waved his hand in the direction of the village, indicating the six other missionaries. "They're here because they still believe in doing good things. Their sense of justice is a mirror, not a window – they only see their images, never the state of things beyond their own reflections."

Teghan nodded appreciably, shrugging slightly. "And you?"

Luke attempted to stare evenly into her eyes, destroying any notion of regret about his next words, but the gesture was fake even before he had a chance to speak them. He looked away. "Caught up … like them … in the excitement of an adventure. Holding up the mirror between Verina and myself."

A guilty silence followed the statement, into which Teghan sighed and grinned.

"Still feeling 'had'?" she asked dryly. Luke declined response, so she continued.

"You see now the ways misdirected anger can lead to conflict? What if Verina had been the leader of a political opposition, and the future of the galaxy was at stake? What you might have mistaken as a blatant insult to your integrity is really an accurate impression of the facets of your personality you need to change in order to effectively live. Wars have been started over less."

"You're confusing the physical with the emotional," Luke stated blandly, without really understanding why he was resisting Teghan's logic.

"No," Teghan replied firmly. "Wars do not only occur on the galactic or civil scale. Wars have been fought within individuals as well, and too many times, the individual has lost. Insanity, anger, hatred, murder – all have been carried out in the name of personal justice, and only because the individual perceives that he has been done an injustice, but has lost the war between conscience and self-defense."

Luke smirked sadly. "So, why are you still acting as Verina's house pet, hmm?"

"Because it is prudent for the time being," Teghan shrugged. "I cannot complain – I am well cared for. I have won my personal war of pride versus sensibility, and have accepted the option that will permit me to live. Glory isn't everything, Skywalker. Somewhere along the line, every political hero has to come to terms with that."

"But how do I apply that to this situation? What do I tell my comrades now that they have been proven useless for the time being? All this truth does nothing to interrupt the futility of defense and deed."

"Do not mourn that we live, but appreciate that we do not die," Teghan replied simply. "The answer to your dilemma – that being how to proceed – lies within your own acceptance of the situation. Work with what you've been given, Skywalker: a planet full of people with beliefs very different from your own. An opportunity to learn around every corner."

Luke sighed. "But you don't require our assistance?"

"I never said that," Teghan said. "Just because we have been able to survive here doesn't mean that we couldn't have better elsewhere … or that we shall always continue in this manner. Your duty lies in what you are able to convince the people, and Verina, about life in the galaxy beyond. Remember your limitations, but relish your assets: you have six talented, eager crewmates and friends who are ready for hands-on experience in entering the internal battle between good and right, and yourself. The window, Skywalker; look beyond your sorry self." This she punctuated by delivering him a sharp poke in the side with her clawed finger.

It was as if she had borrowed Lilandra's memories of the conversation they'd had just a week before and used them for her own devices. Luke had been complaining that he'd run out of reasons to teach; here was a whole planet full of reasons why he should do just that.

He grinned appreciatively at Teghan, feeling lighter on the whole.

"Digressing for a moment, Teghan, what did you do before you came here?" he asked, wondering how such a creature could have come away with such an advanced perception of internal politics.

"I was a mole, on the side of the Rebel Alliance," Teghan replied. It was the first time in the last hour that Luke had seen her look subdued.

Then, she pushed herself off the boulder, and began picking her slow, troubled way back in the direction of the village.