As snow swirls through the small village creating snowdrifts that pile up outside doors and around the frozen fountain, Yumcha, Krillin and a collection of other villagers seek shelter from the bitter cold in the welcome warmth of the tavern. A warm fire burns strongly in the big open fireplace. Groups of people drink merrily around the bar or at the many tables. Stories and tales are exchanged while lamps provide a warm light by which people can relax. Everyone is enjoying themselves. Everyone, except Yumcha. He sits alone, moping in front of the large fire in his big deer skin-coated chair, complete with antlers to decorate the top of it.

" Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man. No one says 'no' to Yumcha!"

Krillin comes running up behind Yumcha's chair with a large mug of beer in each hand

"Darn right!"

" Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. Why, it's more than I can bear" He picks his chair up and turns it towards the fire so he's no longer facing Krillin or the other villagers gathered in the tavern. Krillin runs round in front of Yumcha and holds a mug of beer up to him.

"More beer?"

" What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced" Yumcha merely turns his chair around again.

"Who, you? Never. Yumcha, you've got to pull yourself together.

(done in a sort of sing-song voice)

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Yumcha
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Yumcha
Even when taking your lumps"

This is met with hearty cheers from the crowd at the tavern in agreement to Krillin's words.

"There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favourite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why!"

Krillin turns Yumcha's chair round again so that he's facing the rest of the tavern's occupants. The group of pretty girls from the wedding (is it just me or are they a little TOO obsessed?) swoon round him as they bat their eyelids.  

(breaks out into song)

"No one's slick as Yumcha, no one's quick as Yumcha" Krillin quickly sneaks up to a man at the bar trying to impress a woman and quickly whips the mans belt off. The mans pants fall to the ground to reveal a pair of white boxers with little red hearts on him. The thoroughly embarrassed man blushes and pulls his pants back up.
"No one's next as incredibly thick as Yumcha's" Krillin then wraps the belt around Yumcha's neck. Yumcha flexes his neck muscles and snaps the belt off.
"For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on!" Krillin jumps across three men's heads and lands on the table they're sitting at. The men then pick Krillin up and swing him around.

"No one's been like Yumcha, a king-pin like Yumcha

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Yumcha" (I don't think he does but hey, it goes with the song) Yumcha then stands up and adds in a deep singing voice

"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!"

The crowd let up a cheer of "My, what a guy that Yumcha! Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips"

"Yumcha is the best and the rest is all drips!" Krillin swings his arm up in song and splashes a mug of beer in Yumcha's face. Yumcha socks Krillin across the jaw and he goes flying across the room.

The crowd then sings "No one fights like Yumcha, they don't fight like Yumcha" To prove his fighting capabilities Yumcha throws himself into a fight which breaks out on top of one of the tables. He grabs one mans leg and bites into it. This causes the man to scream out

"In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Yumcha!"

The pretty girls (whom shall now be known as Yumcha's fan club) are all sitting on a bench singing

"For there's no one as burly and brawny" Yumcha then lifts up the bench they're all sitting on, with them still on it, with one hand.

"As you see I've got biceps to spare" Krillin runs up to Yumcha's side

"Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny"

"That's right! And every last bit of me's covered with hair!" He opens his shirt to reveal a very hairy chest.

"No one hits like Yumcha, matches wits like Yumcha" Yumcha sits playing a chess game with a man, then hits the board, sending it and the pieces all over the floor.

"In a spitting match, nobody spits like Yumcha!"

"I'm especially good at expactorating! Ptooey!" He bits a piece of leather off the belt Krillin wrapped round his neck earlier and spits it into a spittoon, which falls off the bar and gets stuck on Krillin's head.

"Ten points for Yumcha!" Goes up from the crowd.

Yumcha takes some eggs from a basket on the bar and juggles them as he sings.

"When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large!" He then throws the eggs up into the air, catches them one by one in his mouth and swallows them whole. Krillin attempts the same trick but is hit in the face by several eggs.
"And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!" Yumcha flexes his arm muscles to demonstrate this.

"No one shoots like Yumcha, makes those beauts like Yumcha" Yumcha picks up his hunting rifle and takes three shots at a beer barrel, punching three bullet holes in it's side. Beer begins to flow from these three holes into the mugs of three eager men.

"Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Yumcha" Yumcha stomps over to his chair with Krillin in tow. He then throws himself into the large chair.

"I use antlers in all of my decorating!" He waves a hand an arm at the back wall, which is covered with stuffed and mounted deer heads and antlers.

"My what a guy! Yumcha!!!!!!!" A group of men pick up Yumcha's chair and carry him round. Krillin runs about frantically trying to avoid being stepped on. The men throw Yumcha and his chair back into it's original position in front of the fire. The chair lands on Krillin and pins him beneath it.

(end of song)

Dr.Briefs bursts frantically through the doorway breathing heavily.

"Help! Someone help me!" Dr.Briefs pleads.

"Dr.Briefs?" One of the men questions.

"Please! Please, I need your help! He's got her. He's got her locked in the dungeon" He runs round the room shaking people and waving his arms about.

"Who?" Krillin asks from under Yumcha's chair.

"Bulma. We must go. N-not a minute to lose!" He's thrown at Yumcha's feet by a group of men. "Whoa! Slow down, Dr.Briefs. Who's got Belle locked in a dungeon?" Yumcha asks him

"A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast!" Dr.Briefs yells and throws his arms into the air. There is a moment of silence followed shortly but everyone in the tavern bursting into laughter. The men then begin to mock him.

"Is it a big beast?" One man asks while holding the sides of his coat out.

"Huge!" Dr.Briefs assures him, really believing that they're taking him seriously.

"With a long, ugly snout?" Another man asks as he puts a beer mug up to his mouth, which causes his voice to sound muffled and deep.

"Hideously ugly!" Dr.Briefs adds while nodding.

"And sharp, cruel fangs?" A third man asks while grinning widely, revealing his teeth.

"Yes, yes. Will you help me?" Dr.Briefs asks while nodding eagerly.

"All right, old man. We'll help you out" Yumcha grins slyly at Dr.Briefs while signaling the group of men behind him to help him.

"You will? Oh thank you, thank you!" Dr.Briefs smiles and looks from one man to another. The group of men then pick him up and throw him OUT the door. He skids across the icy cobblestones into a snowdrift piled up against the fountain.

"Crazy old Dr.Briefs. He's always good for a laugh!" Remarks one of the men who tossed Dr.Briefs outside as he dusts his hands together.

Yumcha rests his chin on his fist and wrinkles up his face in deep thought. He voices his thoughts out loud in a sort of far off voice.

"Crazy old Dr.Briefs, hmm? Crazy old Dr.Briefs. Hmmm?" Krillin I'm afraid I've been thinking"

"A dangerous pastime…" Krillin voices from under the chair.

"I know. That wacky old coot's Bulma's father and his sanity's only so-so. Now the wheels in my head have been turning, since I looked at that loony old man. See I promised myself I'd be married to her, and right now I'm evolving a plan!" Yumcha stands up triumphantly. He then bends down and pulls Krillin out from underneath the chair by the collar of his shirt. Her brings Krillin's ear up to his mouth and begins whispering his plan to him.

"If I..."

"Yes?" Krillin says nodding

"Then I..."

"No, would she?"

"…GUESS!"

"Now I get it!"

"Let's go!" Both yell. Yumcha and Krillin then begin waltzing round the room as they sing

(break out into song with same tune as before)

"No one plots like Yumcha, takes cheap shots like Yumcha"

"Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston" Krillin adds. The entire tavern then joins in

"So his marriage we soon will be celebrating! My what a guy, Yumcha!!!"

(end of song)

As the voices flow out of the tavern windows along with the warm light Dr.Briefs picks himself up from the snow and wanders round the town square with his arm held across his face, shielding himself from the snow swirling about the square. He cries out to the empty air in hopes someone will hear him and answer his plea.

"Will no one help me?"

* * *

To be continued…