A/N: Hey, people. This is my first fic so I'm gladly welcoming ANY feedback, as long as it qualifies for "constructive criticism", so don't bombard me with curses or anything. Thanks for reading and enjoy! (I hope)
Disclaimer: Daria is owned by MTV. I don't own anything except the clothes I'm wearing. So it would be really nice if you didn't sue me.
Art Works
(opening theme song)
Scene 1: Jane's room, Jane is painting while Daria is sitting on the bed, staring intently on the wall.
Jane: So I was thinking. I should really start my own exhibit. You know, show my stuff.
Daria: (looks at Jane's painting of what seems like a dragon that looks very much like Ms. Li burning a knight's head to ashes) Yeah, your stuff.
Jane: You'll never know. Maybe people would even start buying my sketches!
Daria: Can I take one now before they run out? I heard the flea markets are in bad need of paper bags.
Jane: (stops painting and turns to look at Daria) Gee, Daria. I've never thought you'd be this supportive.
Daria: Me either.
Jane: I'm serious. I want to go on with this idea.
Daria: Sell paper bags?
Jane: (sighs) No, Ms. Best Friend. The art exhibit... Hey! Maybe you and Trent can help. Trent and the band can play the background music while...
Daria: ...I can cock a gun to my head and provide the background distraction. No.
Jane:(sighs again) Come on, Daria. What would it take for you to accept this one-of-a-kind opportunity? It's not everyday you get to be the assistant of an up and coming artiste!
Daria: Don't tempt me.
Jane stares at Daria
Daria stares at Jane
Daria: 5 bucks a day and 3 pizzas a week for a month
Jane: 2 bucks a day and 1 month supply of paper bags
Daria: Deal. (smiles)
Scene 2: Mr. O'Neill's class
Mr. O'Neill: Okay class, could anybody tell me an example of post traumatic stress disorder? Yes, uh, Calvin.
Kevin: It's Kevin. Uh, post dramatic stress.. stress.. uh, what was it again?
Mr. O'Neill: He he. Nice try, Melvin. Any others? Yes, Brittany!
Brittany: Oh! Um, like, when people get so, like depressed and stuff. Like when when you break up with your boyfriend and it's so sad and you're alone and...and...(bawls)
Mr. O'Neill: Ah...um, very expressive, Brittany. Some more? (long pause)
Please? Oh yes, Ms. Morgendorffer!
Daria: Post traumatic stress disorder is a condition wherein an individual experiences an aftermath of unwanted consequences from a very horrible personal encounter. A perfect example of this are soldiers who, right after a war, experience insomnia or violent nightmares and hallucinations which may lead to heart attack or insanity.
Mr. O'Neill: Very good, Daria. (faints)
Whole class looks at Daria
Jane: Post traumatic stress disorder in action, folks.
Scene 3: School Cafeteria
Jodie: (walks up) Hey Daria, Jane. Nice work with Mr. O'Neill
Daria: The power of words
Jane: I hope he's all right, though. We haven't discussed Withdrawal Syndrome yet.
Kevin: (runs up) Hey Daria! The post dramatic thingy speech you did was so cool. Do you think you could make Mr. DeMartino faint, too? I haven't finished my paper yet.
Daria: Kevin, just passing a paper with your name on it could make Mr. DeMartino faint.
Kevin: Really? Great! (walks away)
Jane: Did he really believe you?
Daria: Do you think he has a brain?
Jane: Good point.
Jodie: Hey Jane, I heard you're going to have an art exhibit soon. How's it going?
Daria: Wow, could you believe how fast gossip spreads. (glares at Jane)
Jane: (ignores Daria) Well, it's going on fine. Trent's band agreed to play and I've decided to hold my exhibit in our garage this weekend. My best bud here is also going to help. Right, Daria? (puts arm around Daria's shoulders)
Daria: (shrugs Jane's arm off) Right. And then after that, my best bud and I are going to cross the Atlantic on a paperboat. Wanna come?
Jodie: Uh, thanks Daria. But I have a a... busy schedule right now.
Daria: I understand. But if you change your mind, tell us. You don't want to miss this historical event. We're even using special scented paper.
Jodie: (laughs dryly) Gotta go guys. See ya! (runs away)
Jane: Wow, Daria. you seem extra happy today. What gives?
Daria: I don't know. Maybe I'm just disappointed that they don't sell scented cardboard.
Jane: Don't telling me you're still having second thoughts about your participation in my exhibit! I thought "quality time with Trent" convinced you already?
Daria: It did. It also convinced me to strangle you senseless.
Jane: Look, it would be fun. You and Trent, me and Jesse... I mean me and my admirers...
Daria: (gives Jane an I-thought-so look) If I wanted fun, I could've just blackmailed Quinn.
Jane: Yeah, but you're missing THE Trent factor. Besides, does blackmailing Quinn involve decapitated teachers on paper? (no answer) So, you're not backing out on me now, are you?
Daria: Guess not. Just don't delay my paper bags. I'm planning to build a cruise ship.
Scene 4: The Morgendorffer's house, the family are eating dinner. Okay, Helen, Daria and Quinn are having dinner. Jake is reading the paper.
Helen: So girls, tell me about your day. Quinn?
Quinn: Not good. Mark and Miller cancelled their dates with me. Mark said he had to go to the dentist. Miller said he had to wash his porsche. He is so stupid.
Helen: Miller?
Quinn: No, Mark. I mean, he's going to pass up a date with ME just to go to some dentist
Daria: Imagine that.
Quinn: (ignores Daria) As if he's THAT handsome! And he had the guts to ask me if I wanted to go steady! Ha!
Helen: Mark?
Quinn: No, Miller. I mean, his car isn't that great, either. Turquoise! Yuck. And then Sandi..
Helen: Daria! What about you dear?
Daria: Nothing unusual. People pass you by like you're just a pathetic brain looking for your lab partner, teachers try yet again to make you succumb to their not-so realistic ideals and if that's not enough, your family decides to tell you to reenact your traumatic experience all over again.
Helen: (laughs weakly) It can't be that bad, honey. Your father and I experienced the worst things when we were your age. Tell them about it, Jake. Jake? Jake!
Jake: (drops paper) Oh! What? (Helen glares at him) Yeah right. THE worst things: people pass you by like you're just a pathetic brain looking for your lab partner, teachers try to make you succumb to their not-so realistic ideals and if that's not enough...
Daria: Uh, Dad, that's what I said.
Jake: It was?
Helen: Do you hear anything that goes around here?
Jake: Of course I do. (turns to Quinn) Don't worry, Quinn. You'll get your tortoise back.
Scene 5: Lane house
Daria rings the bell. Trent opens the door.
Trent: Hey Daria
Daria: Hey. Is Jane there?
Trent: Yeah, she's actually waiting for you in the garage. She's setting up her exhibit. Come in.
Daria: Thanks
Trent: So, what's up with Janey? She's acting so...
Daria: Artsy?
Trent: Yeah. Doesn't sleep at night. I wonder how she could do that.
Daria: Me, too.
They enter garage. Jane is (what else?) painting
Jane: Yo, Daria!
Daria: Hey.
Jane: I just finished another one. It's called "The Smell of Meat" (holds up painting of human body parts engulfed in blue flame with a devil forking through it)
Daria: Looks very... meaty.
Trent: Yeah. Cool.
Jane: Thanks. I was thinking of drawing spam but that would be too disgusting.
Trent: Spam tastes all right.
Daria and Jane look at Trent
Trent: Umm, I gotta go. Jesse and the others are waiting for me to pick them up. See ya. (shuffles out)
Jane: When you think he's already weird, he does something weirder. Brothers. So, are you all psyched up?
Daria: Are you planning to ship Quinn to Trannsylvania?
Jane: No.
Daria: Then don't ask.
Jane: Whatever you say, sister. Well, we better start putting all these paintings up before the band has an opportunity of ripping them all...
Daria: Yes, Leonardo.
Scene 6: Lane Garage
Daria and Jane are almost finished arranging all the paintings when Mystik Spiral comes in
Trent: Hey, Janey. Hey Daria.
Jane: About time, big bro. We were wondering when you'd get here. We're almost finished here, just one more painting. Can you hand me that one, Daria?
Trent: I'll help you, Daria
Jane: Be careful with that because that's the most.. CRASH
Painting falls on the floor with Daria and Trent covered with paint
Jane: ...ruined of all.
Trent: Oops.
Daria: (blushing) Sorry, Jane. I didn't.. we just...
Jane: Nevermind. But you owe me one.
Trent: We do. So what should we do to make up for it, Janey?
Daria: Should we donate to the lepers?
Jane: No need to. You can make another painting, anyway.
Daria and Trent: What?!
Jane: Make another one. You know, let your creative side show.
Daria: How about we show our GENEROUS side instead and donate to the lepers?
Jane: Nope.
Trent: C'mon Jane, you know I'm not creative!
Jane: You're a musician, Trent, You're supposed to be creative.
Daria: Not unless you consider that a violent hormonal reaction.
Trent: Look, I'm guitar-strumming-head-banging creative, not brush-holding-emotionally-challenged creative.
Jane: What's the difference?
Daria: (sighs) All right then, if you're going to be difficult. But I need to go home first and get all these gunk out of my clothes. See ya later.
Jane: Fine. Bye Daria.
Mystik Spiral: Bye Daria.
Trent: Meet you here at 8, ok Daria?
Daria: Uh.. yeah. (walks out, leaving a trail of green footprints)
Jane: If you ask me, the paint looked good on her. Brought color to her cheeks.
Jesse: (absentmindedly) Uh huh.
Scene 7: Jane's Garage,
Daria and Trent are both staring into oblivion
Trent: So...
Daria: So...
Trent: What do you think we should do Daria?
Daria: If I understood right, we're supposed to put a paintbrush on the canvas and let our hands do the rest. Many people say it's called 'painting'.
Trent: Yeah, but my hands don't have a life of its own, you know.
Daria: Same with my knees, I wonder why.
Silence
Daria: Let's just start, ok.
Trent: Ok.
Daria: First, some paint. What color do you want, Trent?
Trent: Uh, orange is always good.
Daria: So is death by strangulation.
Trent: You pick the color, then.
Daria: Black. You don't have to do anything much with it. It already expresses emotions on its own.
Trent: Cool. Can we make it cry?
Daria: We could try to. Can you hand me the can?
Trent: Yeah, here you go..
(In the process their hands touch) --yes, very cliche. pardon my conventionality.
Trent: Uh...
Daria: Uh...
Silence
Staring
More silence
More staring
Trent: Daria, I...
Daria: Trent! SPLASH
Trent: Wha..what? ( black paint spills over both of them) Oh shit.
Daria: First, I looked like gunk, now I look like coal. I never knew my personality could be that flexible.
Trent: Real sorry, Daria.
Daria: No problem. No one would notice, anyway. Damn paint. (tries to scrub paint off her face)
Trent: Here, I'll help you... ( brushes his hands in Daria's cheek)
Daria: It's ok...mmpph...
(Trent kisses Daria. Not long after, they started rolling around and around, spreading paint all over the floor and their canvass.
Jane: (comes in) Guys have you finished.... (sees Daria and Trent in a passionate embrace) making out?
(Daria and Trent suddenly stops, surprised with Jane's sudden entrance. He quickly jumps off Daria and pretended to spread more paint on the squashed canvass.
Daria: Jane...
Jane: Daria...
Trent: Hey, look! I made black cry!
Scene 7: Jane's Exhibit
Crowd suddenly comes
Jane: Line up there, folks, there's enough art for everybody. (Spots Daria in a corner and winks at her)
Daria: Right.
Trent approaches and kisses Daria on the cheek
Trent: Hey.
Daria: Hey.
Jane: Geez, you guys already made out and you still can't talk in complete sentences?
Daria: Mind your gunk.
Jane: O-kay then.
(Upchuck enters)
Upchuck: Did I just hear you say the magic words?
Jane: No, I was just about to. "Get off."
Upchuck: Rrrr.. feisty!
(ending theme)
A/N: How was it? I knew it was pathetic, I just need you to tell me so. Review.
Disclaimer: Daria is owned by MTV. I don't own anything except the clothes I'm wearing. So it would be really nice if you didn't sue me.
Art Works
(opening theme song)
Scene 1: Jane's room, Jane is painting while Daria is sitting on the bed, staring intently on the wall.
Jane: So I was thinking. I should really start my own exhibit. You know, show my stuff.
Daria: (looks at Jane's painting of what seems like a dragon that looks very much like Ms. Li burning a knight's head to ashes) Yeah, your stuff.
Jane: You'll never know. Maybe people would even start buying my sketches!
Daria: Can I take one now before they run out? I heard the flea markets are in bad need of paper bags.
Jane: (stops painting and turns to look at Daria) Gee, Daria. I've never thought you'd be this supportive.
Daria: Me either.
Jane: I'm serious. I want to go on with this idea.
Daria: Sell paper bags?
Jane: (sighs) No, Ms. Best Friend. The art exhibit... Hey! Maybe you and Trent can help. Trent and the band can play the background music while...
Daria: ...I can cock a gun to my head and provide the background distraction. No.
Jane:(sighs again) Come on, Daria. What would it take for you to accept this one-of-a-kind opportunity? It's not everyday you get to be the assistant of an up and coming artiste!
Daria: Don't tempt me.
Jane stares at Daria
Daria stares at Jane
Daria: 5 bucks a day and 3 pizzas a week for a month
Jane: 2 bucks a day and 1 month supply of paper bags
Daria: Deal. (smiles)
Scene 2: Mr. O'Neill's class
Mr. O'Neill: Okay class, could anybody tell me an example of post traumatic stress disorder? Yes, uh, Calvin.
Kevin: It's Kevin. Uh, post dramatic stress.. stress.. uh, what was it again?
Mr. O'Neill: He he. Nice try, Melvin. Any others? Yes, Brittany!
Brittany: Oh! Um, like, when people get so, like depressed and stuff. Like when when you break up with your boyfriend and it's so sad and you're alone and...and...(bawls)
Mr. O'Neill: Ah...um, very expressive, Brittany. Some more? (long pause)
Please? Oh yes, Ms. Morgendorffer!
Daria: Post traumatic stress disorder is a condition wherein an individual experiences an aftermath of unwanted consequences from a very horrible personal encounter. A perfect example of this are soldiers who, right after a war, experience insomnia or violent nightmares and hallucinations which may lead to heart attack or insanity.
Mr. O'Neill: Very good, Daria. (faints)
Whole class looks at Daria
Jane: Post traumatic stress disorder in action, folks.
Scene 3: School Cafeteria
Jodie: (walks up) Hey Daria, Jane. Nice work with Mr. O'Neill
Daria: The power of words
Jane: I hope he's all right, though. We haven't discussed Withdrawal Syndrome yet.
Kevin: (runs up) Hey Daria! The post dramatic thingy speech you did was so cool. Do you think you could make Mr. DeMartino faint, too? I haven't finished my paper yet.
Daria: Kevin, just passing a paper with your name on it could make Mr. DeMartino faint.
Kevin: Really? Great! (walks away)
Jane: Did he really believe you?
Daria: Do you think he has a brain?
Jane: Good point.
Jodie: Hey Jane, I heard you're going to have an art exhibit soon. How's it going?
Daria: Wow, could you believe how fast gossip spreads. (glares at Jane)
Jane: (ignores Daria) Well, it's going on fine. Trent's band agreed to play and I've decided to hold my exhibit in our garage this weekend. My best bud here is also going to help. Right, Daria? (puts arm around Daria's shoulders)
Daria: (shrugs Jane's arm off) Right. And then after that, my best bud and I are going to cross the Atlantic on a paperboat. Wanna come?
Jodie: Uh, thanks Daria. But I have a a... busy schedule right now.
Daria: I understand. But if you change your mind, tell us. You don't want to miss this historical event. We're even using special scented paper.
Jodie: (laughs dryly) Gotta go guys. See ya! (runs away)
Jane: Wow, Daria. you seem extra happy today. What gives?
Daria: I don't know. Maybe I'm just disappointed that they don't sell scented cardboard.
Jane: Don't telling me you're still having second thoughts about your participation in my exhibit! I thought "quality time with Trent" convinced you already?
Daria: It did. It also convinced me to strangle you senseless.
Jane: Look, it would be fun. You and Trent, me and Jesse... I mean me and my admirers...
Daria: (gives Jane an I-thought-so look) If I wanted fun, I could've just blackmailed Quinn.
Jane: Yeah, but you're missing THE Trent factor. Besides, does blackmailing Quinn involve decapitated teachers on paper? (no answer) So, you're not backing out on me now, are you?
Daria: Guess not. Just don't delay my paper bags. I'm planning to build a cruise ship.
Scene 4: The Morgendorffer's house, the family are eating dinner. Okay, Helen, Daria and Quinn are having dinner. Jake is reading the paper.
Helen: So girls, tell me about your day. Quinn?
Quinn: Not good. Mark and Miller cancelled their dates with me. Mark said he had to go to the dentist. Miller said he had to wash his porsche. He is so stupid.
Helen: Miller?
Quinn: No, Mark. I mean, he's going to pass up a date with ME just to go to some dentist
Daria: Imagine that.
Quinn: (ignores Daria) As if he's THAT handsome! And he had the guts to ask me if I wanted to go steady! Ha!
Helen: Mark?
Quinn: No, Miller. I mean, his car isn't that great, either. Turquoise! Yuck. And then Sandi..
Helen: Daria! What about you dear?
Daria: Nothing unusual. People pass you by like you're just a pathetic brain looking for your lab partner, teachers try yet again to make you succumb to their not-so realistic ideals and if that's not enough, your family decides to tell you to reenact your traumatic experience all over again.
Helen: (laughs weakly) It can't be that bad, honey. Your father and I experienced the worst things when we were your age. Tell them about it, Jake. Jake? Jake!
Jake: (drops paper) Oh! What? (Helen glares at him) Yeah right. THE worst things: people pass you by like you're just a pathetic brain looking for your lab partner, teachers try to make you succumb to their not-so realistic ideals and if that's not enough...
Daria: Uh, Dad, that's what I said.
Jake: It was?
Helen: Do you hear anything that goes around here?
Jake: Of course I do. (turns to Quinn) Don't worry, Quinn. You'll get your tortoise back.
Scene 5: Lane house
Daria rings the bell. Trent opens the door.
Trent: Hey Daria
Daria: Hey. Is Jane there?
Trent: Yeah, she's actually waiting for you in the garage. She's setting up her exhibit. Come in.
Daria: Thanks
Trent: So, what's up with Janey? She's acting so...
Daria: Artsy?
Trent: Yeah. Doesn't sleep at night. I wonder how she could do that.
Daria: Me, too.
They enter garage. Jane is (what else?) painting
Jane: Yo, Daria!
Daria: Hey.
Jane: I just finished another one. It's called "The Smell of Meat" (holds up painting of human body parts engulfed in blue flame with a devil forking through it)
Daria: Looks very... meaty.
Trent: Yeah. Cool.
Jane: Thanks. I was thinking of drawing spam but that would be too disgusting.
Trent: Spam tastes all right.
Daria and Jane look at Trent
Trent: Umm, I gotta go. Jesse and the others are waiting for me to pick them up. See ya. (shuffles out)
Jane: When you think he's already weird, he does something weirder. Brothers. So, are you all psyched up?
Daria: Are you planning to ship Quinn to Trannsylvania?
Jane: No.
Daria: Then don't ask.
Jane: Whatever you say, sister. Well, we better start putting all these paintings up before the band has an opportunity of ripping them all...
Daria: Yes, Leonardo.
Scene 6: Lane Garage
Daria and Jane are almost finished arranging all the paintings when Mystik Spiral comes in
Trent: Hey, Janey. Hey Daria.
Jane: About time, big bro. We were wondering when you'd get here. We're almost finished here, just one more painting. Can you hand me that one, Daria?
Trent: I'll help you, Daria
Jane: Be careful with that because that's the most.. CRASH
Painting falls on the floor with Daria and Trent covered with paint
Jane: ...ruined of all.
Trent: Oops.
Daria: (blushing) Sorry, Jane. I didn't.. we just...
Jane: Nevermind. But you owe me one.
Trent: We do. So what should we do to make up for it, Janey?
Daria: Should we donate to the lepers?
Jane: No need to. You can make another painting, anyway.
Daria and Trent: What?!
Jane: Make another one. You know, let your creative side show.
Daria: How about we show our GENEROUS side instead and donate to the lepers?
Jane: Nope.
Trent: C'mon Jane, you know I'm not creative!
Jane: You're a musician, Trent, You're supposed to be creative.
Daria: Not unless you consider that a violent hormonal reaction.
Trent: Look, I'm guitar-strumming-head-banging creative, not brush-holding-emotionally-challenged creative.
Jane: What's the difference?
Daria: (sighs) All right then, if you're going to be difficult. But I need to go home first and get all these gunk out of my clothes. See ya later.
Jane: Fine. Bye Daria.
Mystik Spiral: Bye Daria.
Trent: Meet you here at 8, ok Daria?
Daria: Uh.. yeah. (walks out, leaving a trail of green footprints)
Jane: If you ask me, the paint looked good on her. Brought color to her cheeks.
Jesse: (absentmindedly) Uh huh.
Scene 7: Jane's Garage,
Daria and Trent are both staring into oblivion
Trent: So...
Daria: So...
Trent: What do you think we should do Daria?
Daria: If I understood right, we're supposed to put a paintbrush on the canvas and let our hands do the rest. Many people say it's called 'painting'.
Trent: Yeah, but my hands don't have a life of its own, you know.
Daria: Same with my knees, I wonder why.
Silence
Daria: Let's just start, ok.
Trent: Ok.
Daria: First, some paint. What color do you want, Trent?
Trent: Uh, orange is always good.
Daria: So is death by strangulation.
Trent: You pick the color, then.
Daria: Black. You don't have to do anything much with it. It already expresses emotions on its own.
Trent: Cool. Can we make it cry?
Daria: We could try to. Can you hand me the can?
Trent: Yeah, here you go..
(In the process their hands touch) --yes, very cliche. pardon my conventionality.
Trent: Uh...
Daria: Uh...
Silence
Staring
More silence
More staring
Trent: Daria, I...
Daria: Trent! SPLASH
Trent: Wha..what? ( black paint spills over both of them) Oh shit.
Daria: First, I looked like gunk, now I look like coal. I never knew my personality could be that flexible.
Trent: Real sorry, Daria.
Daria: No problem. No one would notice, anyway. Damn paint. (tries to scrub paint off her face)
Trent: Here, I'll help you... ( brushes his hands in Daria's cheek)
Daria: It's ok...mmpph...
(Trent kisses Daria. Not long after, they started rolling around and around, spreading paint all over the floor and their canvass.
Jane: (comes in) Guys have you finished.... (sees Daria and Trent in a passionate embrace) making out?
(Daria and Trent suddenly stops, surprised with Jane's sudden entrance. He quickly jumps off Daria and pretended to spread more paint on the squashed canvass.
Daria: Jane...
Jane: Daria...
Trent: Hey, look! I made black cry!
Scene 7: Jane's Exhibit
Crowd suddenly comes
Jane: Line up there, folks, there's enough art for everybody. (Spots Daria in a corner and winks at her)
Daria: Right.
Trent approaches and kisses Daria on the cheek
Trent: Hey.
Daria: Hey.
Jane: Geez, you guys already made out and you still can't talk in complete sentences?
Daria: Mind your gunk.
Jane: O-kay then.
(Upchuck enters)
Upchuck: Did I just hear you say the magic words?
Jane: No, I was just about to. "Get off."
Upchuck: Rrrr.. feisty!
(ending theme)
A/N: How was it? I knew it was pathetic, I just need you to tell me so. Review.