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Makar: That wasn't funny.
Eddy: And why would it need to be funny?
Makar: This is a humor fic.
Eddy: ...Wait, what are you doing here anyway?
Makar: Why not? Don't you like me?
Eddy: You're slow, you're annoying, you're stupid.
Makar: So...?
Eddy: No, I don't like you.
Makar: ......I don't want to be your friend anymore.
Eddy: ...Anyway, let the fanfic begin! Er, I mean the chapter...ah, just read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
King of Red Lions: ...the Forsaken Fortress!
Link: What?
King: We have to go to the Forsaken Fortress. Eddie ended the last chapter in mid-sentence.
Link: Oh yeah, I remember now.
Random Passerby: Chapter? What chapter? Like in a book? And why is that kid wearing a dress? Why does the kid have a sword? Why does his boat have a head? Why is the kid talking to his boat? Why am I talking to myself? Why-- (falls down a hole)
Link: That was random.
King: Anyway, let us go!
Link: Aye aye, Cap'n--oh wait, I'm the captain, and you're the lowly boat.
King: I am captain.
Link: Oh yeah?
King: (grins, displaying a thousand sharp pointy teeth) Yeah.
Link: (takes out fire arrows) Oh yeah?
King: (sucks up some water, then spits it out on arrows) Yeah.
Link: (gets out his sword) Oh yeah?
King: ...You win.
((on the deep blue sea))
Link:...Say, why do we have to go to the Forsaken Fortress?
King: Uh, that's where Ganon lives.
Link: Right.
((pause))
Link: ...What's the Forsaken Fortress again?
-[at the Forsaken Fortress]-
Link: Wait! He's not here! He left to do evil a long time ago!
King But criminals always return to the scene of the crime.
Link: What crime did he do in his house?
((shows a scene with Ganondorf on his couch))
Ganondorf: Ah, grape juice...
((he spills it on the white carpet))
Ganondorf: (dramatic music) Muhahaha, HAhahaha, (throws his head back and laughs) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
((back to the present))
Link: I see.
King: Now go, my minion!...Muhahaha, HAhahaha, (throws head back and laughs) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
((crickets))
Link: ......(backs away slowly, turns around and runs)
King: What?! ...Ooh, a bug! (hacks a loogey on it)
((meanwhile, at the boat-house))
Ganondorf: (walks in with stain-remover) Before I continue doing evil stuff, I really should clean up this grape-juice stain.
((meanwhile, Link is inside the Fortress with his telescope))
Link: Look! Monsters up ahead!
Link: (gets to the monsters and kills them with his sword) Huah, huah, HUAH!
((at the boat-house))
Ganondorf: (gets to the stain and sprays it with stain remover) Huah, huah, HUAH!
((on shore))
King of Red Lions: (listening to headphones) Wouldja look me in the eye, and tell me that you're happy now, yeah-eah-eah-eah...
((at the door to the boat-house a while later))
Link: (knocks on door)
Ganondorf: Who is it?
((Link literally runs through the closed doors))
Ganondorf: My beautiful oak doors!
Link: Funny, tasted more like maple.
Ganondorf: So the fiends lied! I'll...I'll sue them!
Link: ......*cough* Ganondorf, stop your evil ways!
Ganondorf: I'm just cleaning up this grape juice stain...still.
Link: Well in that case, you may continue.
((a minute later))
Ganondorf: Done! You can beat me up now! --I mean--
Link: Prepare to die again! (charges at Ganondorf)
((camera zooms out on the Forsaken Fortress))
SFX: *slap*
Ganondorf: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH...!!!
((camera zooms back))
Both: ......
Ganondorf: ...Why'd you slap me?
Link: I dunno. Seemed like the funniest thing to do.
Ganondorf: Well, it wasn't.
Eddie: God, I hate you now!
Ganondorf: ...Anyway, there's somewhere I have to go to. Bye-bye!
Link: Ok, see you later!
((later))
((Link is watching TV in the boat-house))
TV: We interrupt this episode of Barney for a special news bulletin.
Link: What?! No!
TV: There has been reported that a person only known as Ganon has been doing things that are not nice. On Outset Isle, distressed parents noticed Ganon stealing candy from their babies. Why the babies have candy in the first place is anyone's guess, but these actions are identified as robbery. Ganon has also been spotted dropping the candy wrappers on the ground, without bothering to place them in a convenient garbage dispenser. This, too, is illegal. And yet no one dares to confront him on these issues, as he scares the living daylights out of everyone. If your name is Link and you have a big sword, everyone would appreciate it if you would kindly kick his fat arse. Thank you. We now return to the regular program. (switches back to Barney)
Link: Oops.
-[at the entrance]-
King of Red Lions: You let him leave?!
Link: Yeah. That's bad...right?
King: Get in, you stupid little boy.
((Link climbs aboard))
King: Great. Now we have to go ALL the way back to--
Link: --Wait, why don't I just use the Sing of Cyclones?
((pause))
King: Idiot! Why didn't you think of that before?
((Link plays the song on his Wind Waker))
Map: Where would you like to go to?
Link: (sarcastic) The Bahamas.
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Bahamas" on this map.
Link: We wanna go to Outset, you worthless pile of droppings.
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Worthless Pile of Droppings" on this map.
Link: OUT--SET--ISLE!!
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Set Isle" on this--
((Link rips up the map))
Link: Actually, why don 't we go the long way and enjoy the scenery.
((pause))
King: Idiot! Why didn't you think of that before?
-[back on Outset]-
Link: (flag flutters in the background, heroic music plays) Now, I must find and defeat the evil fiend only known as Ganon. For if I fail, the world will be enveloped in darkness, and all shall be doomed! There fore, I must not fail. But if I do, it will not be in vain, for I shall try better than my best, in order to defeat the evil that once again threatens this earth! I must do it for my family, my friends, and our country!
((crickets))
Link: ...But first, the restroom. (waddles off))
((a minute later))
Link: (steps out of the bathroom and starts singing)
IIIIIIIIII'm
Comin' out
So you'd better get he party started
Get the party started on a Saturday night
Get the par--
King: SHUT UP AND FIND GANON!!
Link: Righto! (runs like Velma from Scooby Doo)
((on the lookout tower))
Link: (looking through his telescope) Let's see...I need to look for something big and blue...Aha! Wait, no, that's the sky.
((a person screams))
Link: (looks down) There he is! He's taking away that man's cheese sandwich! What a stupid thing to do!
((he jumps off the tower))
Link: WAAAAAAHH--*thunk* ow. Anyway--(walks toward Ganon) Hm, Ganon looks pretty...well...mad. But I've got something that just might work...
((a few yards away))
Man: No! You can have my cheese sandwich, but not my snack-size Pringles!
Ganon: Ooh look, it's sour cream and onion too. My favorite.
Man: Please, I beg of you! Have mercy!
((Link sneaks up behind them and puts something on Ganon's finger))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Eddy: Yup, that's the end of this chapter. I know it's a really bad cliffhanger, but I wanna drag out the story into at least three chapters. And if you guess correctly what Link put on Ganon's finger in a review, you win!
((pause))
Makar: ...Win what?
Eddy: The privilege of being the winner!
Makar: Figures.
Eddy: Anway, I'll be off! And don't forget to review!
Makar: That wasn't funny.
Eddy: And why would it need to be funny?
Makar: This is a humor fic.
Eddy: ...Wait, what are you doing here anyway?
Makar: Why not? Don't you like me?
Eddy: You're slow, you're annoying, you're stupid.
Makar: So...?
Eddy: No, I don't like you.
Makar: ......I don't want to be your friend anymore.
Eddy: ...Anyway, let the fanfic begin! Er, I mean the chapter...ah, just read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
King of Red Lions: ...the Forsaken Fortress!
Link: What?
King: We have to go to the Forsaken Fortress. Eddie ended the last chapter in mid-sentence.
Link: Oh yeah, I remember now.
Random Passerby: Chapter? What chapter? Like in a book? And why is that kid wearing a dress? Why does the kid have a sword? Why does his boat have a head? Why is the kid talking to his boat? Why am I talking to myself? Why-- (falls down a hole)
Link: That was random.
King: Anyway, let us go!
Link: Aye aye, Cap'n--oh wait, I'm the captain, and you're the lowly boat.
King: I am captain.
Link: Oh yeah?
King: (grins, displaying a thousand sharp pointy teeth) Yeah.
Link: (takes out fire arrows) Oh yeah?
King: (sucks up some water, then spits it out on arrows) Yeah.
Link: (gets out his sword) Oh yeah?
King: ...You win.
((on the deep blue sea))
Link:...Say, why do we have to go to the Forsaken Fortress?
King: Uh, that's where Ganon lives.
Link: Right.
((pause))
Link: ...What's the Forsaken Fortress again?
-[at the Forsaken Fortress]-
Link: Wait! He's not here! He left to do evil a long time ago!
King But criminals always return to the scene of the crime.
Link: What crime did he do in his house?
((shows a scene with Ganondorf on his couch))
Ganondorf: Ah, grape juice...
((he spills it on the white carpet))
Ganondorf: (dramatic music) Muhahaha, HAhahaha, (throws his head back and laughs) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
((back to the present))
Link: I see.
King: Now go, my minion!...Muhahaha, HAhahaha, (throws head back and laughs) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
((crickets))
Link: ......(backs away slowly, turns around and runs)
King: What?! ...Ooh, a bug! (hacks a loogey on it)
((meanwhile, at the boat-house))
Ganondorf: (walks in with stain-remover) Before I continue doing evil stuff, I really should clean up this grape-juice stain.
((meanwhile, Link is inside the Fortress with his telescope))
Link: Look! Monsters up ahead!
Link: (gets to the monsters and kills them with his sword) Huah, huah, HUAH!
((at the boat-house))
Ganondorf: (gets to the stain and sprays it with stain remover) Huah, huah, HUAH!
((on shore))
King of Red Lions: (listening to headphones) Wouldja look me in the eye, and tell me that you're happy now, yeah-eah-eah-eah...
((at the door to the boat-house a while later))
Link: (knocks on door)
Ganondorf: Who is it?
((Link literally runs through the closed doors))
Ganondorf: My beautiful oak doors!
Link: Funny, tasted more like maple.
Ganondorf: So the fiends lied! I'll...I'll sue them!
Link: ......*cough* Ganondorf, stop your evil ways!
Ganondorf: I'm just cleaning up this grape juice stain...still.
Link: Well in that case, you may continue.
((a minute later))
Ganondorf: Done! You can beat me up now! --I mean--
Link: Prepare to die again! (charges at Ganondorf)
((camera zooms out on the Forsaken Fortress))
SFX: *slap*
Ganondorf: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH...!!!
((camera zooms back))
Both: ......
Ganondorf: ...Why'd you slap me?
Link: I dunno. Seemed like the funniest thing to do.
Ganondorf: Well, it wasn't.
Eddie: God, I hate you now!
Ganondorf: ...Anyway, there's somewhere I have to go to. Bye-bye!
Link: Ok, see you later!
((later))
((Link is watching TV in the boat-house))
TV: We interrupt this episode of Barney for a special news bulletin.
Link: What?! No!
TV: There has been reported that a person only known as Ganon has been doing things that are not nice. On Outset Isle, distressed parents noticed Ganon stealing candy from their babies. Why the babies have candy in the first place is anyone's guess, but these actions are identified as robbery. Ganon has also been spotted dropping the candy wrappers on the ground, without bothering to place them in a convenient garbage dispenser. This, too, is illegal. And yet no one dares to confront him on these issues, as he scares the living daylights out of everyone. If your name is Link and you have a big sword, everyone would appreciate it if you would kindly kick his fat arse. Thank you. We now return to the regular program. (switches back to Barney)
Link: Oops.
-[at the entrance]-
King of Red Lions: You let him leave?!
Link: Yeah. That's bad...right?
King: Get in, you stupid little boy.
((Link climbs aboard))
King: Great. Now we have to go ALL the way back to--
Link: --Wait, why don't I just use the Sing of Cyclones?
((pause))
King: Idiot! Why didn't you think of that before?
((Link plays the song on his Wind Waker))
Map: Where would you like to go to?
Link: (sarcastic) The Bahamas.
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Bahamas" on this map.
Link: We wanna go to Outset, you worthless pile of droppings.
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Worthless Pile of Droppings" on this map.
Link: OUT--SET--ISLE!!
Map: I'm sorry, there is no "Set Isle" on this--
((Link rips up the map))
Link: Actually, why don 't we go the long way and enjoy the scenery.
((pause))
King: Idiot! Why didn't you think of that before?
-[back on Outset]-
Link: (flag flutters in the background, heroic music plays) Now, I must find and defeat the evil fiend only known as Ganon. For if I fail, the world will be enveloped in darkness, and all shall be doomed! There fore, I must not fail. But if I do, it will not be in vain, for I shall try better than my best, in order to defeat the evil that once again threatens this earth! I must do it for my family, my friends, and our country!
((crickets))
Link: ...But first, the restroom. (waddles off))
((a minute later))
Link: (steps out of the bathroom and starts singing)
IIIIIIIIII'm
Comin' out
So you'd better get he party started
Get the party started on a Saturday night
Get the par--
King: SHUT UP AND FIND GANON!!
Link: Righto! (runs like Velma from Scooby Doo)
((on the lookout tower))
Link: (looking through his telescope) Let's see...I need to look for something big and blue...Aha! Wait, no, that's the sky.
((a person screams))
Link: (looks down) There he is! He's taking away that man's cheese sandwich! What a stupid thing to do!
((he jumps off the tower))
Link: WAAAAAAHH--*thunk* ow. Anyway--(walks toward Ganon) Hm, Ganon looks pretty...well...mad. But I've got something that just might work...
((a few yards away))
Man: No! You can have my cheese sandwich, but not my snack-size Pringles!
Ganon: Ooh look, it's sour cream and onion too. My favorite.
Man: Please, I beg of you! Have mercy!
((Link sneaks up behind them and puts something on Ganon's finger))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Eddy: Yup, that's the end of this chapter. I know it's a really bad cliffhanger, but I wanna drag out the story into at least three chapters. And if you guess correctly what Link put on Ganon's finger in a review, you win!
((pause))
Makar: ...Win what?
Eddy: The privilege of being the winner!
Makar: Figures.
Eddy: Anway, I'll be off! And don't forget to review!