Trial & Error
Chapter 1
Rosenberg Computer Centre - Friday April 14th 10:00
"Willow!"
The pretty redhead who had been sitting at her desk industriously working, jumped from her chair and watched in dismay as the contents of her carefully colour - coded filing system tumbled to the floor and into complete disarray. Blowing out an exasperated breath, she looked to the glowering figure of her best friend Xander Harris blocking the entrance to her office with his tall form.
"Xander! Wonderful to see you. However, not so nice to hear you. The shouting I coulda lived without." She smiled winsomely, "Come to take me to lunch?"
She was perfectly aware that it was only 10 am, but was hopeful she could diffuse the wrath of Xander with the temptation of food, but looking at the expression on his face she could see it was a no go...ah well...
"Willow." Xander advanced across Willow's functional, yet elegant office to her ecologically sound and sustainable forest desk (you didn't grow up in the Rosenberg's house without joining at least one band-wagon). Contrary to popular high school belief, Xander Harris was not stupid, especially when it came to the machinations of his oldest childhood friend. He knew she was trying to distract him with his greatest weakness...okay, he revised, since puberty his second greatest weakness...but he wasn't going to fall for it. Her attempts to be pleasant and disarming would not derail his resolve. His resolve was up and it wasn't coming down. No siree. Least ways not yet. He was going to do this. Then she could buy him lunch.
Willow resigned herself to the fact that this was a conversation a long time coming, and at this point unavoidable, especially considering the telephone call she had got earlier that morning making her new project a whopping big 'you are go for take off.'
She was actually surprised that Xander hadn't discovered her plan earlier. She smiled fondly at him, indicating that he take a seat while she crouched down and began collecting her scattered papers. She cursed under her breath at the restrictive business suit that wouldn't allow her to kneel properly, and as she gathered them up she took a moment to appreciate Xander's metamorphosis over the last six years.
All through high school, while Willow excelled in her studies, if not the social aspects of school, Xander had been dubbed profoundly stupid by both the school faculty and the student body and had gained the reputation of being the class clown.
After high school he had watched gloomily as she and several of their other friends had waltzed off to college and he was left to work his way through a series of tedious and unchallenging jobs. Then suddenly everything changed. He got a temporary job with a local construction firm and he bloomed, or thought Willow, to keep the metamorphosis metaphor going, pupated. It had taken six years but he was now the newest and youngest partner in the upcoming construction consultancy of Jenkins Smith Harris.
Instead of his old trademark outlandish shirts and Mickey Mouse watch, Xander now wore Armani suits. She was immensely proud of her friend, who had finally become the person she always knew was hiding behind his joker facade. She was currently however, trying the find a way to explain herself without exacerbating the infamous Harris temper.
"Okay Xand. To what do I owe this visit in work hours? You hate coming to my office,"
"Only 'cos Amy gives me those 'you broke my heart, so rot in hell' looks. Sweet mama mia, we dated. Once. I said I had a nice time, but I never promised to call or said we'd do it again. I broke the guy rule and was honest, and what do I get - nothing but..."
Xander paused briefly and considered willow's latest attempt at diversion. "Don't think you're sidetracking me, Missy, I know what you've done, and I've five words for you."
"Buffy will never forgive you!" He paused. " Why did you do it Will?"
Willow flinched, just a little. What he was saying was probably true. Their long-standing friend was notoriously unforgiving and stubborn and could hold a grudge longer than uranium's half-life. i Ah, the inner nerd never dies./i However, Willow refused to back down.
"Why?" She sat down, her frenzied tidying finished. "Don't you mean why not! She needs this. Badly. You've seen how she's been. All non-smiley and distracty. She's not fun Buffy, she's scowly Buffy and recently more so than usual even for her. She should be relaxed and happy. She needs to be satisfied. No more upside down smiley faces."
Even considering the situation it took all of Xander's willpower not to laugh at Willow's ramble. The usually coherent and self-possessed young woman who owned her own computer consultancy firm was gone and was replaced by nervous babble Willow from school. A sure sign that she wasn't completely confident in her assessment of Buffy's needs.
As he watched, Willow's resolve face settled onto her features. iYou can resist Alexander Lavelle Harris. Don't give in. Don't give in./i He stood up and looked at her across the desk.
"And you believe this is the way to make her happy?"
Willow walked around her desk and stood so close that they were almost nose-to-nose, glaring at him defiantly.
"Yes," then she added with a little less surety. "Eventually, when she gets used to the idea...maybe". She sat down in the second visitor's chair with an ungracious flop.
Xander started to pace back and forth. "Willow, honey. If she wanted someone she would have found them herself."
"Well she does and she hasn't. She needs to relieve some of that stress and tension. You know how she gets around now. Since she took that year out in England it's the same thing every May. Preoccupied Buffy. She won't talk to us, barely manages to talk to Dawn. I'm telling you something happened in England. You saw how changed she was when she got back, and I don't just mean her appearance."
Xander nodded and flopped back into his own chair. "She looked good when she got back, if you know, a little sad. Hey, maybe the Buffster had herself a little romance."
Willow looked at her friend in disbelief, her previous thoughts regarding his intelligence overthrown by his statement.
"Xander, it's been seven years and you're only just now thinking that could have been the reason?"
"Yeah, well. You know. Buff wasn't exactly a guy's fantasy material before she came back. Not that she wasn't a lovely person, with a great personality and many fine qualities. okay, shutting up about that now."
"Anyway Will, even if it was a blip on the Buffy-love radar, it hardly explains the September depression. That only started three years ago." He thought for a moment before continuing. "You know maybe Dawn was right. It could have been delayed grief after their Mom's death."
"Ten months after?" Willow raised her eyebrows.
"Well that and they had moved out of their home, Buffy took that job her Dad insisted on, dropped out of college. Maybe it all just finally got to her. You know how she is. Keeps everything in, does everything herself. She wont let anyone else help. I swear the only reason she let me help her with the house was 'cos she couldn't work out how to use the power tools." He shuddered at the unbidden image of Buffy wielding a nail gun that had greeted him the first day he'd visited the Summers new house. He had nearly been stapled to the wall when he'd said hello.
"Please don't tell me you believe the 'I'm prone to seasonal depression' excuse, Xand. This is LA! We get virtually continuous sunshine! There's something deeper going on." Willow shook her head in thought. "You know Xand, I think maybe you were right. Maybe we should have gotten her to a psychiatrist."
Xander paused in his pacing and turned to his friend. "Wait a mo, did you just say I was right?"
"No I said maybe you were right. Big diff."
"So why did you stop me Will?"
Why had she? What had made her stop him carting Buffy off to have her head shrunk? She thought back to the day she and Xander had rushed over to Buffy's house following a tearful telephone call from her younger sister Dawn.
"Hey Dawnie," Willow reached out grasped the crying girl to her, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks." How you doing?"
"'kay, better than Buffy anyway. Willow, she won't eat or sleep. She's in there pouring over some old letters and photos. And she's hasn't showered in days that's not our Buffy."
"Where is she, Dawn Patrol?" asked Xander.
"In her room. The door's open."
Willow nodded and passed the sobbing girl to Xander who enveloped her into a big bear hug. She could see Dawn calming as her tears subsided. It was a well-known fact in their little circle of friends that Xander Harris gave the best hugs in the world. As Xander worked his magic to comfort the teen, Willow headed to the kitchen to make some tea. It was a habit Buffy had brought back from England with her and she figured maybe it would help soothe her. When the tea was ready she headed back to the living room cup in hand.
Xander had moved the two of them over to the couch.
"Hey Willow."
"Yeah Sweetie?"
"Is this 'cos of Mom?"
"I don't know. I'll see if I can find out. Okay?"
Dawn sniffled still leaning into Xander's comforting embrace. "Okay."
"Dawn, did anything happen at all. Did she get a letter, did you two fight or maybe something happened at work that Buffy mentioned?"
"I don't think so." Dawn thought a little more. "Oh wait, she had a phone call a couple of days ago. Long distance I think. I was on my way out the door to go to school so I've got no idea who it was from or what is was about."
"But it's been since then that Buffy's been all avoidy?"
"Yeah. Willow, it's my fault I should have called you earlier but I just kinda thought it was Mom and Dad and the job and having to take care of me. But it's worse than that. Can you talk to her? Please?"
"I'll give it a go." Willow tried for a reassuring smile.
"Maybe we should get her to a psychiatrist or a grief counsellor or something. Maybe that would work?"
"I don't know Xand. Let me see her first. Okay?" Xander agreed, "Sure."
Xander shifted attention to Dawn and smoothed her hair. "You hungry?"
At Dawn's nod he got up and headed to the kitchen. "Okay then I'll cook." He glanced quickly at Willow giving her a quick wink.
"You can't cook Xand." Dawn stated smiling. "No? Well then how 'bout I order?"
Willow smiled * Trust Xander Harris to cheer people up with food * and padded down the hallway to Buffy's room. She pushed open the door and peered into the gloomy interior looking for her friend. As she eased towards the figure on the bed, Buffy turned and she saw her tear streaked face. Yes there was grief in her red-rimmed eyes but, it was something else that made her pause in her attempts to comfort and help. Acknowledgement. Acknowledgement of choices she had made, and a past that she couldn't change.
Willow had seen the look in her own eyes reflected back at her in the mirror the day she had acknowledged her attraction to another woman. Whatever had happened, Buffy had accepted it and she would continue. Buffy had made it through this situation herself. The window of opportunity that they had had to reach out and help had come and gone. She knew Buffy well enough that no details would be forthcoming, and so she did the only thing she could do. Putting down the rapidly cooling tea, Willow gathered Buffy up into her arms, holding her tight and let her cry her remaining tears.
Willow brought herself back to the present with a quick shake. Realising she'd missed a question.
"Sorry Xand? I missed that."
"Willow, are you telling me that hiring this guy will change Buffy that much?" He repeated.
"Well it's not like she has to keep him if he's no good. I've hired him for a trial period and if he's not satisfactory after that, then she can fire him." She hoped she sounded convincing. "And no I don't think he'll change her that much, but he'll help relieve her of some of the stress and he wont let her get away with this not living malarkey. He'll challenge her. It might not pretty but it'll be real."
"And he's reliable? You've at least had him checked out, right? No sordid past of murdering vulnerable women or anything?"
"Yes Xand. I spoke to his boss he's got excellent references from many of his clients. Plus you forget, I've seen this guy in action, he's a natural."
Xander shook his head, resigned. He just knew somehow, not only would Buffy never forgive Willow, he'd probably end up with a kicked ass in the subsequent fallout. He stood, and clapped his hands together.
"OK then. Lunch?"
Chapter 1
Rosenberg Computer Centre - Friday April 14th 10:00
"Willow!"
The pretty redhead who had been sitting at her desk industriously working, jumped from her chair and watched in dismay as the contents of her carefully colour - coded filing system tumbled to the floor and into complete disarray. Blowing out an exasperated breath, she looked to the glowering figure of her best friend Xander Harris blocking the entrance to her office with his tall form.
"Xander! Wonderful to see you. However, not so nice to hear you. The shouting I coulda lived without." She smiled winsomely, "Come to take me to lunch?"
She was perfectly aware that it was only 10 am, but was hopeful she could diffuse the wrath of Xander with the temptation of food, but looking at the expression on his face she could see it was a no go...ah well...
"Willow." Xander advanced across Willow's functional, yet elegant office to her ecologically sound and sustainable forest desk (you didn't grow up in the Rosenberg's house without joining at least one band-wagon). Contrary to popular high school belief, Xander Harris was not stupid, especially when it came to the machinations of his oldest childhood friend. He knew she was trying to distract him with his greatest weakness...okay, he revised, since puberty his second greatest weakness...but he wasn't going to fall for it. Her attempts to be pleasant and disarming would not derail his resolve. His resolve was up and it wasn't coming down. No siree. Least ways not yet. He was going to do this. Then she could buy him lunch.
Willow resigned herself to the fact that this was a conversation a long time coming, and at this point unavoidable, especially considering the telephone call she had got earlier that morning making her new project a whopping big 'you are go for take off.'
She was actually surprised that Xander hadn't discovered her plan earlier. She smiled fondly at him, indicating that he take a seat while she crouched down and began collecting her scattered papers. She cursed under her breath at the restrictive business suit that wouldn't allow her to kneel properly, and as she gathered them up she took a moment to appreciate Xander's metamorphosis over the last six years.
All through high school, while Willow excelled in her studies, if not the social aspects of school, Xander had been dubbed profoundly stupid by both the school faculty and the student body and had gained the reputation of being the class clown.
After high school he had watched gloomily as she and several of their other friends had waltzed off to college and he was left to work his way through a series of tedious and unchallenging jobs. Then suddenly everything changed. He got a temporary job with a local construction firm and he bloomed, or thought Willow, to keep the metamorphosis metaphor going, pupated. It had taken six years but he was now the newest and youngest partner in the upcoming construction consultancy of Jenkins Smith Harris.
Instead of his old trademark outlandish shirts and Mickey Mouse watch, Xander now wore Armani suits. She was immensely proud of her friend, who had finally become the person she always knew was hiding behind his joker facade. She was currently however, trying the find a way to explain herself without exacerbating the infamous Harris temper.
"Okay Xand. To what do I owe this visit in work hours? You hate coming to my office,"
"Only 'cos Amy gives me those 'you broke my heart, so rot in hell' looks. Sweet mama mia, we dated. Once. I said I had a nice time, but I never promised to call or said we'd do it again. I broke the guy rule and was honest, and what do I get - nothing but..."
Xander paused briefly and considered willow's latest attempt at diversion. "Don't think you're sidetracking me, Missy, I know what you've done, and I've five words for you."
"Buffy will never forgive you!" He paused. " Why did you do it Will?"
Willow flinched, just a little. What he was saying was probably true. Their long-standing friend was notoriously unforgiving and stubborn and could hold a grudge longer than uranium's half-life. i Ah, the inner nerd never dies./i However, Willow refused to back down.
"Why?" She sat down, her frenzied tidying finished. "Don't you mean why not! She needs this. Badly. You've seen how she's been. All non-smiley and distracty. She's not fun Buffy, she's scowly Buffy and recently more so than usual even for her. She should be relaxed and happy. She needs to be satisfied. No more upside down smiley faces."
Even considering the situation it took all of Xander's willpower not to laugh at Willow's ramble. The usually coherent and self-possessed young woman who owned her own computer consultancy firm was gone and was replaced by nervous babble Willow from school. A sure sign that she wasn't completely confident in her assessment of Buffy's needs.
As he watched, Willow's resolve face settled onto her features. iYou can resist Alexander Lavelle Harris. Don't give in. Don't give in./i He stood up and looked at her across the desk.
"And you believe this is the way to make her happy?"
Willow walked around her desk and stood so close that they were almost nose-to-nose, glaring at him defiantly.
"Yes," then she added with a little less surety. "Eventually, when she gets used to the idea...maybe". She sat down in the second visitor's chair with an ungracious flop.
Xander started to pace back and forth. "Willow, honey. If she wanted someone she would have found them herself."
"Well she does and she hasn't. She needs to relieve some of that stress and tension. You know how she gets around now. Since she took that year out in England it's the same thing every May. Preoccupied Buffy. She won't talk to us, barely manages to talk to Dawn. I'm telling you something happened in England. You saw how changed she was when she got back, and I don't just mean her appearance."
Xander nodded and flopped back into his own chair. "She looked good when she got back, if you know, a little sad. Hey, maybe the Buffster had herself a little romance."
Willow looked at her friend in disbelief, her previous thoughts regarding his intelligence overthrown by his statement.
"Xander, it's been seven years and you're only just now thinking that could have been the reason?"
"Yeah, well. You know. Buff wasn't exactly a guy's fantasy material before she came back. Not that she wasn't a lovely person, with a great personality and many fine qualities. okay, shutting up about that now."
"Anyway Will, even if it was a blip on the Buffy-love radar, it hardly explains the September depression. That only started three years ago." He thought for a moment before continuing. "You know maybe Dawn was right. It could have been delayed grief after their Mom's death."
"Ten months after?" Willow raised her eyebrows.
"Well that and they had moved out of their home, Buffy took that job her Dad insisted on, dropped out of college. Maybe it all just finally got to her. You know how she is. Keeps everything in, does everything herself. She wont let anyone else help. I swear the only reason she let me help her with the house was 'cos she couldn't work out how to use the power tools." He shuddered at the unbidden image of Buffy wielding a nail gun that had greeted him the first day he'd visited the Summers new house. He had nearly been stapled to the wall when he'd said hello.
"Please don't tell me you believe the 'I'm prone to seasonal depression' excuse, Xand. This is LA! We get virtually continuous sunshine! There's something deeper going on." Willow shook her head in thought. "You know Xand, I think maybe you were right. Maybe we should have gotten her to a psychiatrist."
Xander paused in his pacing and turned to his friend. "Wait a mo, did you just say I was right?"
"No I said maybe you were right. Big diff."
"So why did you stop me Will?"
Why had she? What had made her stop him carting Buffy off to have her head shrunk? She thought back to the day she and Xander had rushed over to Buffy's house following a tearful telephone call from her younger sister Dawn.
"Hey Dawnie," Willow reached out grasped the crying girl to her, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks." How you doing?"
"'kay, better than Buffy anyway. Willow, she won't eat or sleep. She's in there pouring over some old letters and photos. And she's hasn't showered in days that's not our Buffy."
"Where is she, Dawn Patrol?" asked Xander.
"In her room. The door's open."
Willow nodded and passed the sobbing girl to Xander who enveloped her into a big bear hug. She could see Dawn calming as her tears subsided. It was a well-known fact in their little circle of friends that Xander Harris gave the best hugs in the world. As Xander worked his magic to comfort the teen, Willow headed to the kitchen to make some tea. It was a habit Buffy had brought back from England with her and she figured maybe it would help soothe her. When the tea was ready she headed back to the living room cup in hand.
Xander had moved the two of them over to the couch.
"Hey Willow."
"Yeah Sweetie?"
"Is this 'cos of Mom?"
"I don't know. I'll see if I can find out. Okay?"
Dawn sniffled still leaning into Xander's comforting embrace. "Okay."
"Dawn, did anything happen at all. Did she get a letter, did you two fight or maybe something happened at work that Buffy mentioned?"
"I don't think so." Dawn thought a little more. "Oh wait, she had a phone call a couple of days ago. Long distance I think. I was on my way out the door to go to school so I've got no idea who it was from or what is was about."
"But it's been since then that Buffy's been all avoidy?"
"Yeah. Willow, it's my fault I should have called you earlier but I just kinda thought it was Mom and Dad and the job and having to take care of me. But it's worse than that. Can you talk to her? Please?"
"I'll give it a go." Willow tried for a reassuring smile.
"Maybe we should get her to a psychiatrist or a grief counsellor or something. Maybe that would work?"
"I don't know Xand. Let me see her first. Okay?" Xander agreed, "Sure."
Xander shifted attention to Dawn and smoothed her hair. "You hungry?"
At Dawn's nod he got up and headed to the kitchen. "Okay then I'll cook." He glanced quickly at Willow giving her a quick wink.
"You can't cook Xand." Dawn stated smiling. "No? Well then how 'bout I order?"
Willow smiled * Trust Xander Harris to cheer people up with food * and padded down the hallway to Buffy's room. She pushed open the door and peered into the gloomy interior looking for her friend. As she eased towards the figure on the bed, Buffy turned and she saw her tear streaked face. Yes there was grief in her red-rimmed eyes but, it was something else that made her pause in her attempts to comfort and help. Acknowledgement. Acknowledgement of choices she had made, and a past that she couldn't change.
Willow had seen the look in her own eyes reflected back at her in the mirror the day she had acknowledged her attraction to another woman. Whatever had happened, Buffy had accepted it and she would continue. Buffy had made it through this situation herself. The window of opportunity that they had had to reach out and help had come and gone. She knew Buffy well enough that no details would be forthcoming, and so she did the only thing she could do. Putting down the rapidly cooling tea, Willow gathered Buffy up into her arms, holding her tight and let her cry her remaining tears.
Willow brought herself back to the present with a quick shake. Realising she'd missed a question.
"Sorry Xand? I missed that."
"Willow, are you telling me that hiring this guy will change Buffy that much?" He repeated.
"Well it's not like she has to keep him if he's no good. I've hired him for a trial period and if he's not satisfactory after that, then she can fire him." She hoped she sounded convincing. "And no I don't think he'll change her that much, but he'll help relieve her of some of the stress and he wont let her get away with this not living malarkey. He'll challenge her. It might not pretty but it'll be real."
"And he's reliable? You've at least had him checked out, right? No sordid past of murdering vulnerable women or anything?"
"Yes Xand. I spoke to his boss he's got excellent references from many of his clients. Plus you forget, I've seen this guy in action, he's a natural."
Xander shook his head, resigned. He just knew somehow, not only would Buffy never forgive Willow, he'd probably end up with a kicked ass in the subsequent fallout. He stood, and clapped his hands together.
"OK then. Lunch?"