Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish, Kenshin doesn't, and won't ever belong to me. It will always be the property of Noubijiro Watsuki, so don't sue me. I'm broke!
Spoilers: Kyoto and Jinchuu arc spoilers
Summary: A year after Jinchuu, Kaoru wants to know just how much Kenshin cares for her. Will she ever know?
Genre: Romance
Time to continue now!
~*~*~
Truth
~*~*~
By lightning-storm
Kaoru woke up to the sound of birds singing, and the sight of sunlight streaming through her window. She groaned as she rolled over in her futon, she really didn't want to get up yet. But nonetheless, she had to in order to clean up the house, as Yahiko was with Tsubame at the Akabeko, and Sano was still on his world wide 'tour' because of his beating down the 200 or so members of the Ishingumi to help his father. The cops had not been to thrilled with that and had been chasing him around the globe ever since. But leave it to Sano to find the good in being a wanted criminal. It gave him a chance to "explore the unknown world," as he so fancily put it. He even wrote letters telling them where he was at, and they were always under a different name, but his handwriting remained the same, so they all knew when it was him.
It was just Kaoru and Kenshin in the dojo today. Kaoru sighed as she thought of this. Once upon a time the prospect of being alone with Kenshin would have made her tingle with joy. It would give him a chance to show his affections in private, and then he would sweep her off her feet and tell her how much he loved her. However, over the course of the three or so years she had known him, she had come to realize that that wasn't in his nature, and whether he loved her or not, she would most likely never hear the three little words. That thought disturbed a part of her, but the other part of her was just satisfied that he had stuck by her in the first place. Either way, she would always wish there was more between them, even if what they shared was not as deep as what he and his former wife had shared. Kaoru didn't think she would ever be able to match up with that, even if she had wished on a thousand fireflies.
"Kenshin," she whispered to herself, and she thought about what they had been through together in the few years she had known him. Never before had she faced so much danger or excitement, yet if she could go back in time, she had a feeling she wouldn't want to change it one bit. It wasn't as if she liked being in danger all the time, but if it hadn't been for that danger, she would have never met Kenshin. She never would have known what it was like when one person, no matter how distant, seemed to fill your very soul with hope, fear, happiness, anger, and excitement all at once. She would never have known what it was like to be protected or cared for by someone other then family, even if what she experienced was just a little taste of what could be. Kaoru trembled slightly as she thought of this. Kenshin had done so much for her and everyone he had come across, but he didn't even know it. He just considered it as a way to atone for his errors from the past. Never had he realized how much it affected those around him, or how much they loved him for it. He just went on his day-to-day basis as if nothing had ever occurred in the first place.
Kaoru trembled again, "Kenshin no baka," she whispered to herself, "Do you know how much we love you? How much I love you?"
Tears began to fall from her eyes and she rubbed her face to make them stop falling. Crying about Kenshin's seemingly lack of interest since the Jinchuu wouldn't make anything better. He would still tromp about the dojo as dense as ever, and he would still go around treating her like a child that had to be protected. Kaoru sighed. Kenshin would probably never change his view on her childishness. True, he had become more protective since Jinchuu, but that was to be expected. Enishi had kidnapped her when he came, and if the rumors were correct, everyone had thought she was dead during that time. She was only good for protecting anyways.
What was worst then that however, was the sudden change in behavior she had seen from Kenshin in the past few weeks. He seemed more distracted then usual, and would often times spend long hours on the porch just sitting. She was afraid that he might leave again despite his promise, but whenever she asked him questions that would give her hints as to whether or not her theory was correct, he would just smile and nod saying that everything would be okay. Then he would change the subject to something else. Kaoru didn't know what to think anymore.
~
Kenshin looked over the dojo as he walked through to keep his eye out for anything that needed to be done. Apparently Kaoru had not yet woken up, as the dojo was looking and sounding exactly the same as it had the night before. He decided he would just start some chores to help her out while she was sleeping.
He walked by Kaoru's room so he could get the to the storage closet at the end of the hall and take out a few tools. However, while he was doing so he glanced at her door and heightened his senses just a twinge to make sure she was still there and doing okay. Normally all seemed to be well, but this time, his senses picked up the nearly non-existent sobbing of a girl who obviously was hiding something, and the feeling of a very depressed and confused Ki. Kenshin frowned. One of the emotions that did not become Kaoru was the extreme sadness and hopelessness he felt from her Ki at this time. Kenshin was concerned for her so he slid open her door just a crack to make sure he wouldn't catch her half undressed when he entered. When he caught sight of the edge of her training pants and gi, he was relieved and slid open the door the rest of the way.
"Anou...Miss Kaoru?" he said softly to her back, and she turned around in a startled fashion.
He did not like what he saw. Her blue eyes seemed a little red, and he could tell that she had been crying for a little while, even though she had dried her tears.
"K...Ken- shin?" she called and rubbed her eyes briefly before looking at him with the same lively look she always had. However, her Ki showed that she was definitely not like she always was. Kenshin entered the room and closed the door about half way before looking towards her kindly.
"Miss Kaoru?" he asked softly, "Daijobu desuka?"
Kaoru's eyes widened slightly, but then she just nodded her head. "Hai, daijobu desu."
Kenshin was not always as dense as he seemed, and even though Kaoru's face had lost it's redness, a reading from her Ki proved that if anything, she was just, if not more depressed then before.
"I don't believe that, that I don't," he reprimanded gently before joining her on the floor and placing his hand over her own in an offer of comfort. "However, if you will let sessha, sessha will be glad to listen."
Kaoru tried to look down at the floor without blushing, but he was making it awfully hard for her by absentmindedly rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. Nonetheless, she managed to open her mouth and stutter something out, "Th...Thank you for the offer..." she faded, "But now is not a...a good time. Maybe later."
"Are you sure?"
"h...hai"
Kaoru seemed to have a determined look on her face and Kenshin sighed inwardly. He would not get any information from her right now. He nodded his head in understanding. He had never wished to speak about his past before, and Kaoru had always been kind enough to not pressure him to say anything when the subject came up. He figured it was his duty to repay her the same favor, and another part of him knew that she would tell him what was wrong when the time was right. With that he got up from the floor and gave a half smile to her.
"Sessha will not force you to talk about it...but I have to say that it makes sessha sad to see a frown where there should be a smile, that it does."
Kenshin stayed just a little longer to see if she would say anything, but she didn't, so he patted her arm briefly and padded towards the door. He did not get very far though.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru's voice called, and he turned towards her.
~
'I love you.' The three simple words were at the tip of her tongue just dying to be released through her parched lips, but one look at her handsome rurouni's face as he turned towards her made all her insecurities come to the front.
She was not good enough for him. She was not like his first love. During Jinchuu she had heard about Tomoe from Kenshin. Afterwards she had heard some from Enishi. From what she could tell, Tomoe had been everything she wasn't. She was feminine, quiet, graceful, peaceful, and beyond beautiful. No matter how loving Kenshin seemed to treat Kaoru, the deepest part of her heart always reminded her that she would never be able to compare. Kaoru's heart fell.
"Kaoru- dono?"
The girl hadn't said anything even though she had called his name and felt her face begin to heat up. She had to think of something else to say.
"Ari...arigato again." I said think of something else! Her conscience chided her momentarily, and she cut it off immediately, waiting for Kenshin's response. He just smiled halfheartedly.
"Aa, Doo itashimashite." Kenshin looked at her for a few seconds more before leaving her room and closing the door behind him. He had some chores to do, and... Kenshin made another glance behind him, he had something extra he wanted to get from the market place.
~
Kaoru heard the sounds of fading footsteps, and a creeking door being swung open. Apparently Kenshin had discovered something to do, which was exactly what she herself should be doing. So, she stretched some and opened the door of her room before entering the kitchen and looking for something to make. This resulted in a frown, since Sano had been gone they hadn't been stocking up on food like they used to, and once in a while they tended to get less then needed. It seemed that the last time they had gone to the market place had been one of those times. She ought to send Kenshin there.
With this thought Kaoru looked around the dojo for Kenshin, but apparently she didn't have to look far. There he was out in front, preparing to chop some of the woodpile in front for the kitchen stove. (Ha, thought he'd be doing laundry didn't you!^_^ well, he has to make breakfast before he does that ne?)
"Anou...Kenshin?" she asked him quietly, and he looked towards her.
"Yes Kaoru-dono,"
"I know you're a little busy right now," she shuffled her feet on the ground, " but do you think you can go to the market place and pick up some things. We're out of food again."
As expected he nodded his head, and took what money they had to get some food at the marketplace.
"Arigato again," Kaoru stated, before watching him leave the dojo. She picked up a broom to start sweeping out the dirt that had been carried in the dojo during their treks from the outside to the inside. "I hope he brings back something good." She said to herself, but she had a feeling he would, he always did after all.
~
Kenshin walked to the market with two pouches of coins on his belt. One held the money for the food, and the other held the money for something extra. Kenshin fidgeted with that one for a little. It was money he had earned from the Government. He had never actually become part of the Government, but if they really needed his help,and he could actually accomplish the task without endangering his vows or medical health, he would do it.
Besides it was a way for him to earn money for miscellaneous purposes. And if everything went correctly today, one of those purposes would finally be accomplished. However, he needed to find the booth to complete it. Kenshin considered this and continued walking through the market looking for the food booths he needed to go to. He found them easily enough, but it took him a little longer to find the extra one.
Finally he caught sight of it and a nervous smile crossed his face as he approached it. Kenshin almost thought about forgetting it and returning to the dojo, but he trekked on. He was determined to accomplish his task
~
Kaoru finished sweeping the dojo, and looked towards the direction where the wishing fireflies danced. Although she had managed to disguise the turmoil inside her when she had asked Kenshin to go to the market, it still whirled around like a hurricane. When she was in these sorts of moods, she tended to go there to think, and then make a pit spot to her secret spot on the other side of the sakura groves. There was a little clearing there that she had accidentally stumbled across once when she was playing hide and seek with her father. That had been 12 years ago, but even so, it was very signifigant to her, and whenever she was feeling sad or lonely she would go there to relax. It always brought out feelings of tranquility.
Kaoru smiled slightly before she changed into a kimono and opened her family hopechest to grab the bokken that she had kept for purposes other then fighting. It had been a special gift from her father, and a very artistic one at that. Kaoru traced the intricate details of the jasmine flowers as they entwined around the baby raccoon. Then her fingers followed the gold line that wound around the raccoon and became the stems for the flowers.The golden line didn't stop there though, it continued until it became an engraving of her name. She loved the bokken very much, and could almost compare it to the love Kenshin had for his sword. A short laugh escaped Kaoru's throat, and she closed the chest before heading out the dojo. She didn't think about leaving a note.
~*~
"Tadaima!"
Kenshin arrived home in much shorter time then he had expected and greeted Kaoru, but rather then hearing her voice, all he heard was the sound of chirping birds. Curious, he heightened his senses to see if he could sense her ki, but realized that the ki was nowhere in range. Kenshin frowned, since Jinchuu, this was the first time he had found her missing when he had returned from anywhere. Before the Jinchuu had occured he would have thought that she had just decided to go somewhere to get away, and would return shortly, but ever since that time he had become more protective and prone to worry over her. He did not want a repetition of that dark time in his life.
Kenshin hurried into the dojo and put the supplies he had gathered in the kitchen before looking everywhere in and around the dojo for the girl. Unfortunatly, she was nowhere to be seen, and her bokken was leaning against the wall by her futon. She had never before left without it, escpecially when she was alone.
Kenshin frowned again. Although there was no sign of a struggle in her room, showing that she had left on her own, it was not safe for her to leave the dojo unprotected, escpecially since the surrounding communities knew that she harbored the former Hitokiri Battousai. Enemies were not as frequent as before, but once in a while they would still show up searching for him. Kenshin became a little tense. Before he allowed himself to get completely worked up however, he thought it would be best to go and see if she was at the bank of the fireflies. He remembered how upset she had been earlier, and knew that she sometimes went there to think about things that bothered her. Kenshin arrived at the bank of the fireflies shortly, but when he got their he was dissappointed. She wasn't there.
"I really hope Miss Kaoru is allright, that I do." he whispered, masking the worry he felt for her disappearence. He thought again about the horrors of her 'death' from the Jinchuu a year or so ago. Since then he had done everything he could to stay by her side. For when he had seen her bloody body pinned against the wall at that time, he had lost all will to live, and went to the dead island where those who had lost their most precious thing went to escape the outside world. He had never ate, he had never slept, never talked while he was there, all he had done was sit and wait for the sweet taste of death to free him. The only reason he had escaped it was because Tsubame had come and repeatedly pleaded for him to help Yahiko, who had been ready to fight a giant that attacked the Kamiya dojo. Yet, Kaoru's 'death' still had haunted him even then.
"Where are you Miss Kaoru?" He said to himself after he stopped his dismal thoughts. To his left he saw the sakura grove, and walked alongside of it, heightening his senses the best he could without becoming the manslayer. If she was around at all, he reasoned with himself, she would be close to the grove. He had felt nothing even though he had reached the end of the grove, and his hope began to dwindle. The lovely sakura petals that drifted down didn't even seem to matter. Kaoru was not there.
Kenshin looked towards the ground in distress; however out of the corner of his right eye then he managed to catch the sight of something pink. When he looked up, he found himself staring at the begginings of a second sakura grove huddled behind a large orchard.
"Oro?" He questioned before following the grove, and that tiny speck of hope he had left begin to rekindle it's glow. Perhaps he would find her after all.
Kenshin had not walked for long when he heard some kind of creek to his left, and sensed someone's ki. It was weak, but still there and he calmed some. Kenshin followed it until it became stronger, and was quite happy when he recognized the ki as one belonging to a girl with a strong and vibrant spirit. Somehow he came across a small clearing, and the strength of the ki seemed to be at it's greatest, and Kenshin knew that this would be the place where he would find his Kaoru. Without wasting a second, he stepped closer and caught sight of a dark haired girl twirling under the sakura blossoms with a decorative wooden shinai in her hand. She had a strangely serene look on her face.
"Kaoru- Dono..." His tongue slipped, and he watched in awe and curiousity as she seemed to float with a grace unlike what he was used to.
~
Kaoru smiled lightly as she did her dance of the fireflies. It was a habit that she had not let anyone who had ever met her before know about. Ever since she was a small girl she had loved to watch the dancing fireflies near the dojo and her father's Kamiya Kashin style. She would try and mimic both. At first she would do it seperately, but then she she would encompass various swings of the Kamiya Kashin style into the dance,and vice a versa. Finally she had come up with a dance and sword style that was all her own. She would practice it often when she was alone, or on days like today where she had been depressed. It helped to soothe some of her insecurities. She wasn't sure how Yahiko would react if he saw this, but she had a feeling he might laugh, and Kenshin...she didn't know what to think about that. Would he be awed, amused, confused? Kaoru giggled some as she thought of his eyes growing large and his trademark 'oro' escaping his lips.
Kaoru smirked as she saw a branch on the ground, and picked it up before tossing it and her shinai in the air. Gracefully she spun around catching one in her right hand, and then spun the other direction and to catch the other in her left hand, before making a slight bow and twirling both objects in her hands. She could imagine what Kenshin would say if he saw her performing such a move, he'd probably think that she would get hurt and repriamand her to be more careful. He didn't know how long she had worked to get the timing just right so she WOULD be able to catch the sticks without hurting herself. Before then they would injure her arm, or bang against her shoulder as they fell, sometimes even her head, but she never gave up trying to perfect it. When she had succeded she had been thrilled and would do it constantly. There was also another move Kaoru escpecially enjoyed, and she decide to perform it. She tossed one of her sticks towards a tree, and started backing towards there in order to catch it, but before she could succeed she heard something nearbye.
"Oroo!" Kaoru's eyes widened as she recognized the voice as Kenshin's. She spun around to see him ducking his head slightly before he looked at her with his violet-blue eyes.
"Kenshin!" She gasped,"how long have you been there?"
"Anou, sessha has not been here very long, that he hasn't," he stuttered out with red staining his cheeks, "Sumana for not revealing myself earlier, Sessha didn't want to interrupt your dance. It was very pretty de gozaru yo."
Kaoru blushed. Had he been watching her perform her moves ever since he arrived? How much of it did he see?
"Arigato gozaimasu." She said and he gave a half smile.
"Aa."
Kaoru thought about her surroundings, and realized that she had never revealed this place to anyone. And since it was huddled in a back corner of the sakura groves, most people never looked for it. Afterall, they could go anywhere along the sakura groves to see the blossoms in the spring time. She wondered how Kenshin had discovered her.
"How did you find me Kenshin? I didn't know you knew where this place was."
Kaoru wanted to laugh when she saw him turn slighty pink.
"Anou..I don't know where we are, but sessha was worried when I came back and you were missing, so I went to look for you."
Kaoru frowned, something could have happened, and she wouldn't have seen him for awhile. But how did he find her in the first place?
"How did you find me?" She repeated, and Kenshin looked at her meekly.
"Anou...I followed the sakura blossoms until I sensed you ki Miss Kaoru."
Of course, he would have done something like that, thought Kaoru, but he must have been really worried if he had gone through all the trees just to find her, and escpecially when he wasn't sure where he was going in the first place! Kaoru didn't like the thought of him unwittingly getting lost and leaving her alone until he found his way out of the groves again.
"Mou Kenshin!" She exclaimed and he looked at her abruptly.
"Oro?"
"You could have gotten lost." Kaoru frowned at him, but he gave a short laugh and shook his head.
"Iie, sessha wouldn't get lost," he said to her, "Sessha only has to follow the creek," he said cupping his ear,as if to listen to a babbling creek, and Kaoru blushed in embarassment. She had forgotten about the creek. She still didn't think he had to worry so much and look for her.
Kaoru sighed." Hai, but you needn't worry so much about me anyhow Kenshin! I have one of my shinai's, and this branch!" she said pointing to the stick she had unwittingly thrown towards Kenshin when she was dancing. I'll be fine."
She noticed a dark look cross Kenshin's face as he heard that, and somehow knew that he was thinking about Enishi and the Jinchuu. She had her bokken then too, but she had still been caught by Enishi. She wondered if Kenshin had lost whatever faith he may have had in her fighting because of that, and her eyes flared a little after the dissapointment shown. She didn't like to be thought of as helpless. "I've gotten better since Enishi!" she exclaimed irritadedly, and Kenshin gave her a startled look, before nodding.
"Hai, hai, Kaoru -dono," he mentioned, "but sessha just wants to protect you."
"I know Kenshin, but you needn't worry so much about me anymore. I'm stronger! Really I am."
Tears were threatening to come out as she spoke, she wasn't really sure how strong she was anymore. Ever since she had heard about Tomoe and been in Jinchuu, she had become even more depressed at times. It's true that she didn't care about people's pasts, but she couldn't help but feel saddened when she thought of how happy Kenshin must have been with Tomoe,and how it must have hurt him when she had died. Kaoru looked at Kenshin as she thought about this, and then noticed as he looked at the ground as if he was considering something.
"Hai, Miss Kaoru," he said, nervously taking a few steps forward, "I know...demo Sessha...Sessha doesn't want to take a chance. I don't want to lose you."
Kaoru was at a loss of words as she heard this confession from Kenshin. His face showed that even the idea of losing her alone, left him in eternal torment. Half of Kaoru was saddened by the look on his face, but the other half was somewhat glad. It was as if his true feelings were finally coming to the fore. She nodded her head and gave a half smile before approaching him.
"Don't worry Kenshin," She said confidently, before walking towards him and taking his wrists into her palms. "Kamiya Kaoru's not willing to be defeated just yet. Escpecially when she has family who cares for her."
After she said those words, she noticed Kenshin smile some. "Aa,"
He responded, before taking her shoulders into his hands. He gulped nervously before pulling her towards him in a light embrace. "Family who cares."
Kaoru was surprised. The last time he had hugged he in any sort of fashion was when he had left for Kyoto to fight against Shishio. And the reason for that, was because he didn't know if he would ever return to them. However, in the end he had, and when others had dissappeared and went their separate ways after Jinchuu, he continued to stay by her side. Was that his way of showing love? Kaoru frowned a little when Kenshin had pulled away from her and looked at the ground. He looked like he had when he seemed to be distant in the past few weeks. She wished she knew why. She tried to ignore her thoughts when she heard Kenshin speak.
"Anou Miss Kaoru," Kenshin whispered hesitently, "I..." He paused for a minute like he was trying to get together his thoughts.
"Sessha wants to be able to always protect you..."
Kaoru blinked, she knew that. He had always protected her anyhow.
Then he continued,"And stay with you..."
Kaoru was quiet.
"As a...a TRUE family member."
The stress on 'true' did not escape her notice and Kaoru widened her eyes. Was he saying what she thought he was?
She ignored her thoughts for a moment as he looked up at her, and continued, "Anou if you will have sessha as your family that is."
He was! Kaoru was thrilled.
~
"Kenshin no baka!" She cried, before hitting him affectionately, and Kenshin looked at her with a startled look.
"Oro?!" She launched herself into his arms and hugged him. He hadn't expected her to react like this, he hadn't even given her the gift yet.
"Of course I want you as part of my real family," she exclaimed, "Why do you think I was so depressed this morning?"
"Oro?" Kenshin didn't know what else to say to that and continued listening to her ecstatic voice.
"It was because I thought you only considered me a weak child who needed to be protected. You had been so distant lately so I thought you had started to ha-"
Kenshin placed two fingers over her lips to silence her and shook his head. He did not like where her words were going. She was anything but a weak child, and what he felt for her was anything but hate. What he felt was quite the opposite as a matter of fact, and he wanted her to know that in action as well as word. Kenshin fumbled for something in his gi.
"Miss Kao- , Kaoru," he said purposely dropping the honorific, "Sessha has always thought you were strong, and sess...I have never...could never hate you. Sess...I... love you, and...have for a long time." Kenshin saw Kaoru blush a crimson red, and smiled slightly before turning red himself. Her reaction encouraged him to continue.
"If sessha was being distant, it was because he was thinking about this moment that he's having with you and considering all the possible results." he said before showing her the simple gold band in his palm. Her eyes lit up a little, "Sessha didn't mean to hurt you..." he slid the ring on her left hand, "I never want to hurt you again."
Kaoru raised her tear streaked face to him and smiled, but this was a smile that fully reached her eyes, causing Kenshin to feel glad.
"Arigato Kenshin..." She gasped happily, "I love you." She hugged him and he gladly returned the embrace. Kaoru raised her eyes towards the sakura blossoms then and Kenshin noticed her smile with a far off look in her eyes.
"The Sakura blossoms seem more beautiful this year, ne Kenshin?" She whispered as she pulled away from him and held out her hand, but he ignored it and slid his arm around her shoulders instead. Then he looked at the falling pink petals.
"Aa," he agreed, but the only reason they seemed more beautiful to him, was because he was with her. Kaoru glanced at him and smiled. For sometime they just stood like that, admiring the blossoms as they fell. Then two blue birds flew above their heads and chirped a sweet melody.
~
Kirei" Kaoru squealed as she saw the birds, and pointed to them excitedly as they formed a nest. It was beautiful. Kaoru looked at the beaming Kenshin besides her. He was beautiful. She almost wished she could stay with him like this forever, but the reality of the dirty dojo destroyed her daydream. They had to get back there and finish their chores.
"Kenshin..." she said with just a twinge of regret. Kenshin looked her curiously before she got hold of his gi and smiled slightly. "Lets go home now."
Kenshin smiled lightly and nodded before dropping his arm and taking her hand into his own.
"Un," he agreed.
As they walked back towards the dojo, there were looks of content upon their faces. They were engaged now, and one day soon, they would become a true family.
~*~
Yay! It's done! What do you think? Is it good? Does it flow together? Does it even make
sense? TELL ME!!! Just DON'T THROW FLAMES AT ME!
Glossary-
Kenshin no baka= Kenshin you idot/ idiot Kenshin
Daijobu desuka= Are you allright?
Hai Daijobu desu= Yes I'm fine
Arigato Gozaimasu= Thank you
Doo itashimashite= Don't mention it/you're welcome...
Sessha= This Unworthy One
Aa/Hai= yes
Kirei= Pretty
Tadaima= I'm back
Spoilers: Kyoto and Jinchuu arc spoilers
Summary: A year after Jinchuu, Kaoru wants to know just how much Kenshin cares for her. Will she ever know?
Genre: Romance
Time to continue now!
~*~*~
Truth
~*~*~
By lightning-storm
Kaoru woke up to the sound of birds singing, and the sight of sunlight streaming through her window. She groaned as she rolled over in her futon, she really didn't want to get up yet. But nonetheless, she had to in order to clean up the house, as Yahiko was with Tsubame at the Akabeko, and Sano was still on his world wide 'tour' because of his beating down the 200 or so members of the Ishingumi to help his father. The cops had not been to thrilled with that and had been chasing him around the globe ever since. But leave it to Sano to find the good in being a wanted criminal. It gave him a chance to "explore the unknown world," as he so fancily put it. He even wrote letters telling them where he was at, and they were always under a different name, but his handwriting remained the same, so they all knew when it was him.
It was just Kaoru and Kenshin in the dojo today. Kaoru sighed as she thought of this. Once upon a time the prospect of being alone with Kenshin would have made her tingle with joy. It would give him a chance to show his affections in private, and then he would sweep her off her feet and tell her how much he loved her. However, over the course of the three or so years she had known him, she had come to realize that that wasn't in his nature, and whether he loved her or not, she would most likely never hear the three little words. That thought disturbed a part of her, but the other part of her was just satisfied that he had stuck by her in the first place. Either way, she would always wish there was more between them, even if what they shared was not as deep as what he and his former wife had shared. Kaoru didn't think she would ever be able to match up with that, even if she had wished on a thousand fireflies.
"Kenshin," she whispered to herself, and she thought about what they had been through together in the few years she had known him. Never before had she faced so much danger or excitement, yet if she could go back in time, she had a feeling she wouldn't want to change it one bit. It wasn't as if she liked being in danger all the time, but if it hadn't been for that danger, she would have never met Kenshin. She never would have known what it was like when one person, no matter how distant, seemed to fill your very soul with hope, fear, happiness, anger, and excitement all at once. She would never have known what it was like to be protected or cared for by someone other then family, even if what she experienced was just a little taste of what could be. Kaoru trembled slightly as she thought of this. Kenshin had done so much for her and everyone he had come across, but he didn't even know it. He just considered it as a way to atone for his errors from the past. Never had he realized how much it affected those around him, or how much they loved him for it. He just went on his day-to-day basis as if nothing had ever occurred in the first place.
Kaoru trembled again, "Kenshin no baka," she whispered to herself, "Do you know how much we love you? How much I love you?"
Tears began to fall from her eyes and she rubbed her face to make them stop falling. Crying about Kenshin's seemingly lack of interest since the Jinchuu wouldn't make anything better. He would still tromp about the dojo as dense as ever, and he would still go around treating her like a child that had to be protected. Kaoru sighed. Kenshin would probably never change his view on her childishness. True, he had become more protective since Jinchuu, but that was to be expected. Enishi had kidnapped her when he came, and if the rumors were correct, everyone had thought she was dead during that time. She was only good for protecting anyways.
What was worst then that however, was the sudden change in behavior she had seen from Kenshin in the past few weeks. He seemed more distracted then usual, and would often times spend long hours on the porch just sitting. She was afraid that he might leave again despite his promise, but whenever she asked him questions that would give her hints as to whether or not her theory was correct, he would just smile and nod saying that everything would be okay. Then he would change the subject to something else. Kaoru didn't know what to think anymore.
~
Kenshin looked over the dojo as he walked through to keep his eye out for anything that needed to be done. Apparently Kaoru had not yet woken up, as the dojo was looking and sounding exactly the same as it had the night before. He decided he would just start some chores to help her out while she was sleeping.
He walked by Kaoru's room so he could get the to the storage closet at the end of the hall and take out a few tools. However, while he was doing so he glanced at her door and heightened his senses just a twinge to make sure she was still there and doing okay. Normally all seemed to be well, but this time, his senses picked up the nearly non-existent sobbing of a girl who obviously was hiding something, and the feeling of a very depressed and confused Ki. Kenshin frowned. One of the emotions that did not become Kaoru was the extreme sadness and hopelessness he felt from her Ki at this time. Kenshin was concerned for her so he slid open her door just a crack to make sure he wouldn't catch her half undressed when he entered. When he caught sight of the edge of her training pants and gi, he was relieved and slid open the door the rest of the way.
"Anou...Miss Kaoru?" he said softly to her back, and she turned around in a startled fashion.
He did not like what he saw. Her blue eyes seemed a little red, and he could tell that she had been crying for a little while, even though she had dried her tears.
"K...Ken- shin?" she called and rubbed her eyes briefly before looking at him with the same lively look she always had. However, her Ki showed that she was definitely not like she always was. Kenshin entered the room and closed the door about half way before looking towards her kindly.
"Miss Kaoru?" he asked softly, "Daijobu desuka?"
Kaoru's eyes widened slightly, but then she just nodded her head. "Hai, daijobu desu."
Kenshin was not always as dense as he seemed, and even though Kaoru's face had lost it's redness, a reading from her Ki proved that if anything, she was just, if not more depressed then before.
"I don't believe that, that I don't," he reprimanded gently before joining her on the floor and placing his hand over her own in an offer of comfort. "However, if you will let sessha, sessha will be glad to listen."
Kaoru tried to look down at the floor without blushing, but he was making it awfully hard for her by absentmindedly rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. Nonetheless, she managed to open her mouth and stutter something out, "Th...Thank you for the offer..." she faded, "But now is not a...a good time. Maybe later."
"Are you sure?"
"h...hai"
Kaoru seemed to have a determined look on her face and Kenshin sighed inwardly. He would not get any information from her right now. He nodded his head in understanding. He had never wished to speak about his past before, and Kaoru had always been kind enough to not pressure him to say anything when the subject came up. He figured it was his duty to repay her the same favor, and another part of him knew that she would tell him what was wrong when the time was right. With that he got up from the floor and gave a half smile to her.
"Sessha will not force you to talk about it...but I have to say that it makes sessha sad to see a frown where there should be a smile, that it does."
Kenshin stayed just a little longer to see if she would say anything, but she didn't, so he patted her arm briefly and padded towards the door. He did not get very far though.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru's voice called, and he turned towards her.
~
'I love you.' The three simple words were at the tip of her tongue just dying to be released through her parched lips, but one look at her handsome rurouni's face as he turned towards her made all her insecurities come to the front.
She was not good enough for him. She was not like his first love. During Jinchuu she had heard about Tomoe from Kenshin. Afterwards she had heard some from Enishi. From what she could tell, Tomoe had been everything she wasn't. She was feminine, quiet, graceful, peaceful, and beyond beautiful. No matter how loving Kenshin seemed to treat Kaoru, the deepest part of her heart always reminded her that she would never be able to compare. Kaoru's heart fell.
"Kaoru- dono?"
The girl hadn't said anything even though she had called his name and felt her face begin to heat up. She had to think of something else to say.
"Ari...arigato again." I said think of something else! Her conscience chided her momentarily, and she cut it off immediately, waiting for Kenshin's response. He just smiled halfheartedly.
"Aa, Doo itashimashite." Kenshin looked at her for a few seconds more before leaving her room and closing the door behind him. He had some chores to do, and... Kenshin made another glance behind him, he had something extra he wanted to get from the market place.
~
Kaoru heard the sounds of fading footsteps, and a creeking door being swung open. Apparently Kenshin had discovered something to do, which was exactly what she herself should be doing. So, she stretched some and opened the door of her room before entering the kitchen and looking for something to make. This resulted in a frown, since Sano had been gone they hadn't been stocking up on food like they used to, and once in a while they tended to get less then needed. It seemed that the last time they had gone to the market place had been one of those times. She ought to send Kenshin there.
With this thought Kaoru looked around the dojo for Kenshin, but apparently she didn't have to look far. There he was out in front, preparing to chop some of the woodpile in front for the kitchen stove. (Ha, thought he'd be doing laundry didn't you!^_^ well, he has to make breakfast before he does that ne?)
"Anou...Kenshin?" she asked him quietly, and he looked towards her.
"Yes Kaoru-dono,"
"I know you're a little busy right now," she shuffled her feet on the ground, " but do you think you can go to the market place and pick up some things. We're out of food again."
As expected he nodded his head, and took what money they had to get some food at the marketplace.
"Arigato again," Kaoru stated, before watching him leave the dojo. She picked up a broom to start sweeping out the dirt that had been carried in the dojo during their treks from the outside to the inside. "I hope he brings back something good." She said to herself, but she had a feeling he would, he always did after all.
~
Kenshin walked to the market with two pouches of coins on his belt. One held the money for the food, and the other held the money for something extra. Kenshin fidgeted with that one for a little. It was money he had earned from the Government. He had never actually become part of the Government, but if they really needed his help,and he could actually accomplish the task without endangering his vows or medical health, he would do it.
Besides it was a way for him to earn money for miscellaneous purposes. And if everything went correctly today, one of those purposes would finally be accomplished. However, he needed to find the booth to complete it. Kenshin considered this and continued walking through the market looking for the food booths he needed to go to. He found them easily enough, but it took him a little longer to find the extra one.
Finally he caught sight of it and a nervous smile crossed his face as he approached it. Kenshin almost thought about forgetting it and returning to the dojo, but he trekked on. He was determined to accomplish his task
~
Kaoru finished sweeping the dojo, and looked towards the direction where the wishing fireflies danced. Although she had managed to disguise the turmoil inside her when she had asked Kenshin to go to the market, it still whirled around like a hurricane. When she was in these sorts of moods, she tended to go there to think, and then make a pit spot to her secret spot on the other side of the sakura groves. There was a little clearing there that she had accidentally stumbled across once when she was playing hide and seek with her father. That had been 12 years ago, but even so, it was very signifigant to her, and whenever she was feeling sad or lonely she would go there to relax. It always brought out feelings of tranquility.
Kaoru smiled slightly before she changed into a kimono and opened her family hopechest to grab the bokken that she had kept for purposes other then fighting. It had been a special gift from her father, and a very artistic one at that. Kaoru traced the intricate details of the jasmine flowers as they entwined around the baby raccoon. Then her fingers followed the gold line that wound around the raccoon and became the stems for the flowers.The golden line didn't stop there though, it continued until it became an engraving of her name. She loved the bokken very much, and could almost compare it to the love Kenshin had for his sword. A short laugh escaped Kaoru's throat, and she closed the chest before heading out the dojo. She didn't think about leaving a note.
~*~
"Tadaima!"
Kenshin arrived home in much shorter time then he had expected and greeted Kaoru, but rather then hearing her voice, all he heard was the sound of chirping birds. Curious, he heightened his senses to see if he could sense her ki, but realized that the ki was nowhere in range. Kenshin frowned, since Jinchuu, this was the first time he had found her missing when he had returned from anywhere. Before the Jinchuu had occured he would have thought that she had just decided to go somewhere to get away, and would return shortly, but ever since that time he had become more protective and prone to worry over her. He did not want a repetition of that dark time in his life.
Kenshin hurried into the dojo and put the supplies he had gathered in the kitchen before looking everywhere in and around the dojo for the girl. Unfortunatly, she was nowhere to be seen, and her bokken was leaning against the wall by her futon. She had never before left without it, escpecially when she was alone.
Kenshin frowned again. Although there was no sign of a struggle in her room, showing that she had left on her own, it was not safe for her to leave the dojo unprotected, escpecially since the surrounding communities knew that she harbored the former Hitokiri Battousai. Enemies were not as frequent as before, but once in a while they would still show up searching for him. Kenshin became a little tense. Before he allowed himself to get completely worked up however, he thought it would be best to go and see if she was at the bank of the fireflies. He remembered how upset she had been earlier, and knew that she sometimes went there to think about things that bothered her. Kenshin arrived at the bank of the fireflies shortly, but when he got their he was dissappointed. She wasn't there.
"I really hope Miss Kaoru is allright, that I do." he whispered, masking the worry he felt for her disappearence. He thought again about the horrors of her 'death' from the Jinchuu a year or so ago. Since then he had done everything he could to stay by her side. For when he had seen her bloody body pinned against the wall at that time, he had lost all will to live, and went to the dead island where those who had lost their most precious thing went to escape the outside world. He had never ate, he had never slept, never talked while he was there, all he had done was sit and wait for the sweet taste of death to free him. The only reason he had escaped it was because Tsubame had come and repeatedly pleaded for him to help Yahiko, who had been ready to fight a giant that attacked the Kamiya dojo. Yet, Kaoru's 'death' still had haunted him even then.
"Where are you Miss Kaoru?" He said to himself after he stopped his dismal thoughts. To his left he saw the sakura grove, and walked alongside of it, heightening his senses the best he could without becoming the manslayer. If she was around at all, he reasoned with himself, she would be close to the grove. He had felt nothing even though he had reached the end of the grove, and his hope began to dwindle. The lovely sakura petals that drifted down didn't even seem to matter. Kaoru was not there.
Kenshin looked towards the ground in distress; however out of the corner of his right eye then he managed to catch the sight of something pink. When he looked up, he found himself staring at the begginings of a second sakura grove huddled behind a large orchard.
"Oro?" He questioned before following the grove, and that tiny speck of hope he had left begin to rekindle it's glow. Perhaps he would find her after all.
Kenshin had not walked for long when he heard some kind of creek to his left, and sensed someone's ki. It was weak, but still there and he calmed some. Kenshin followed it until it became stronger, and was quite happy when he recognized the ki as one belonging to a girl with a strong and vibrant spirit. Somehow he came across a small clearing, and the strength of the ki seemed to be at it's greatest, and Kenshin knew that this would be the place where he would find his Kaoru. Without wasting a second, he stepped closer and caught sight of a dark haired girl twirling under the sakura blossoms with a decorative wooden shinai in her hand. She had a strangely serene look on her face.
"Kaoru- Dono..." His tongue slipped, and he watched in awe and curiousity as she seemed to float with a grace unlike what he was used to.
~
Kaoru smiled lightly as she did her dance of the fireflies. It was a habit that she had not let anyone who had ever met her before know about. Ever since she was a small girl she had loved to watch the dancing fireflies near the dojo and her father's Kamiya Kashin style. She would try and mimic both. At first she would do it seperately, but then she she would encompass various swings of the Kamiya Kashin style into the dance,and vice a versa. Finally she had come up with a dance and sword style that was all her own. She would practice it often when she was alone, or on days like today where she had been depressed. It helped to soothe some of her insecurities. She wasn't sure how Yahiko would react if he saw this, but she had a feeling he might laugh, and Kenshin...she didn't know what to think about that. Would he be awed, amused, confused? Kaoru giggled some as she thought of his eyes growing large and his trademark 'oro' escaping his lips.
Kaoru smirked as she saw a branch on the ground, and picked it up before tossing it and her shinai in the air. Gracefully she spun around catching one in her right hand, and then spun the other direction and to catch the other in her left hand, before making a slight bow and twirling both objects in her hands. She could imagine what Kenshin would say if he saw her performing such a move, he'd probably think that she would get hurt and repriamand her to be more careful. He didn't know how long she had worked to get the timing just right so she WOULD be able to catch the sticks without hurting herself. Before then they would injure her arm, or bang against her shoulder as they fell, sometimes even her head, but she never gave up trying to perfect it. When she had succeded she had been thrilled and would do it constantly. There was also another move Kaoru escpecially enjoyed, and she decide to perform it. She tossed one of her sticks towards a tree, and started backing towards there in order to catch it, but before she could succeed she heard something nearbye.
"Oroo!" Kaoru's eyes widened as she recognized the voice as Kenshin's. She spun around to see him ducking his head slightly before he looked at her with his violet-blue eyes.
"Kenshin!" She gasped,"how long have you been there?"
"Anou, sessha has not been here very long, that he hasn't," he stuttered out with red staining his cheeks, "Sumana for not revealing myself earlier, Sessha didn't want to interrupt your dance. It was very pretty de gozaru yo."
Kaoru blushed. Had he been watching her perform her moves ever since he arrived? How much of it did he see?
"Arigato gozaimasu." She said and he gave a half smile.
"Aa."
Kaoru thought about her surroundings, and realized that she had never revealed this place to anyone. And since it was huddled in a back corner of the sakura groves, most people never looked for it. Afterall, they could go anywhere along the sakura groves to see the blossoms in the spring time. She wondered how Kenshin had discovered her.
"How did you find me Kenshin? I didn't know you knew where this place was."
Kaoru wanted to laugh when she saw him turn slighty pink.
"Anou..I don't know where we are, but sessha was worried when I came back and you were missing, so I went to look for you."
Kaoru frowned, something could have happened, and she wouldn't have seen him for awhile. But how did he find her in the first place?
"How did you find me?" She repeated, and Kenshin looked at her meekly.
"Anou...I followed the sakura blossoms until I sensed you ki Miss Kaoru."
Of course, he would have done something like that, thought Kaoru, but he must have been really worried if he had gone through all the trees just to find her, and escpecially when he wasn't sure where he was going in the first place! Kaoru didn't like the thought of him unwittingly getting lost and leaving her alone until he found his way out of the groves again.
"Mou Kenshin!" She exclaimed and he looked at her abruptly.
"Oro?"
"You could have gotten lost." Kaoru frowned at him, but he gave a short laugh and shook his head.
"Iie, sessha wouldn't get lost," he said to her, "Sessha only has to follow the creek," he said cupping his ear,as if to listen to a babbling creek, and Kaoru blushed in embarassment. She had forgotten about the creek. She still didn't think he had to worry so much and look for her.
Kaoru sighed." Hai, but you needn't worry so much about me anyhow Kenshin! I have one of my shinai's, and this branch!" she said pointing to the stick she had unwittingly thrown towards Kenshin when she was dancing. I'll be fine."
She noticed a dark look cross Kenshin's face as he heard that, and somehow knew that he was thinking about Enishi and the Jinchuu. She had her bokken then too, but she had still been caught by Enishi. She wondered if Kenshin had lost whatever faith he may have had in her fighting because of that, and her eyes flared a little after the dissapointment shown. She didn't like to be thought of as helpless. "I've gotten better since Enishi!" she exclaimed irritadedly, and Kenshin gave her a startled look, before nodding.
"Hai, hai, Kaoru -dono," he mentioned, "but sessha just wants to protect you."
"I know Kenshin, but you needn't worry so much about me anymore. I'm stronger! Really I am."
Tears were threatening to come out as she spoke, she wasn't really sure how strong she was anymore. Ever since she had heard about Tomoe and been in Jinchuu, she had become even more depressed at times. It's true that she didn't care about people's pasts, but she couldn't help but feel saddened when she thought of how happy Kenshin must have been with Tomoe,and how it must have hurt him when she had died. Kaoru looked at Kenshin as she thought about this, and then noticed as he looked at the ground as if he was considering something.
"Hai, Miss Kaoru," he said, nervously taking a few steps forward, "I know...demo Sessha...Sessha doesn't want to take a chance. I don't want to lose you."
Kaoru was at a loss of words as she heard this confession from Kenshin. His face showed that even the idea of losing her alone, left him in eternal torment. Half of Kaoru was saddened by the look on his face, but the other half was somewhat glad. It was as if his true feelings were finally coming to the fore. She nodded her head and gave a half smile before approaching him.
"Don't worry Kenshin," She said confidently, before walking towards him and taking his wrists into her palms. "Kamiya Kaoru's not willing to be defeated just yet. Escpecially when she has family who cares for her."
After she said those words, she noticed Kenshin smile some. "Aa,"
He responded, before taking her shoulders into his hands. He gulped nervously before pulling her towards him in a light embrace. "Family who cares."
Kaoru was surprised. The last time he had hugged he in any sort of fashion was when he had left for Kyoto to fight against Shishio. And the reason for that, was because he didn't know if he would ever return to them. However, in the end he had, and when others had dissappeared and went their separate ways after Jinchuu, he continued to stay by her side. Was that his way of showing love? Kaoru frowned a little when Kenshin had pulled away from her and looked at the ground. He looked like he had when he seemed to be distant in the past few weeks. She wished she knew why. She tried to ignore her thoughts when she heard Kenshin speak.
"Anou Miss Kaoru," Kenshin whispered hesitently, "I..." He paused for a minute like he was trying to get together his thoughts.
"Sessha wants to be able to always protect you..."
Kaoru blinked, she knew that. He had always protected her anyhow.
Then he continued,"And stay with you..."
Kaoru was quiet.
"As a...a TRUE family member."
The stress on 'true' did not escape her notice and Kaoru widened her eyes. Was he saying what she thought he was?
She ignored her thoughts for a moment as he looked up at her, and continued, "Anou if you will have sessha as your family that is."
He was! Kaoru was thrilled.
~
"Kenshin no baka!" She cried, before hitting him affectionately, and Kenshin looked at her with a startled look.
"Oro?!" She launched herself into his arms and hugged him. He hadn't expected her to react like this, he hadn't even given her the gift yet.
"Of course I want you as part of my real family," she exclaimed, "Why do you think I was so depressed this morning?"
"Oro?" Kenshin didn't know what else to say to that and continued listening to her ecstatic voice.
"It was because I thought you only considered me a weak child who needed to be protected. You had been so distant lately so I thought you had started to ha-"
Kenshin placed two fingers over her lips to silence her and shook his head. He did not like where her words were going. She was anything but a weak child, and what he felt for her was anything but hate. What he felt was quite the opposite as a matter of fact, and he wanted her to know that in action as well as word. Kenshin fumbled for something in his gi.
"Miss Kao- , Kaoru," he said purposely dropping the honorific, "Sessha has always thought you were strong, and sess...I have never...could never hate you. Sess...I... love you, and...have for a long time." Kenshin saw Kaoru blush a crimson red, and smiled slightly before turning red himself. Her reaction encouraged him to continue.
"If sessha was being distant, it was because he was thinking about this moment that he's having with you and considering all the possible results." he said before showing her the simple gold band in his palm. Her eyes lit up a little, "Sessha didn't mean to hurt you..." he slid the ring on her left hand, "I never want to hurt you again."
Kaoru raised her tear streaked face to him and smiled, but this was a smile that fully reached her eyes, causing Kenshin to feel glad.
"Arigato Kenshin..." She gasped happily, "I love you." She hugged him and he gladly returned the embrace. Kaoru raised her eyes towards the sakura blossoms then and Kenshin noticed her smile with a far off look in her eyes.
"The Sakura blossoms seem more beautiful this year, ne Kenshin?" She whispered as she pulled away from him and held out her hand, but he ignored it and slid his arm around her shoulders instead. Then he looked at the falling pink petals.
"Aa," he agreed, but the only reason they seemed more beautiful to him, was because he was with her. Kaoru glanced at him and smiled. For sometime they just stood like that, admiring the blossoms as they fell. Then two blue birds flew above their heads and chirped a sweet melody.
~
Kirei" Kaoru squealed as she saw the birds, and pointed to them excitedly as they formed a nest. It was beautiful. Kaoru looked at the beaming Kenshin besides her. He was beautiful. She almost wished she could stay with him like this forever, but the reality of the dirty dojo destroyed her daydream. They had to get back there and finish their chores.
"Kenshin..." she said with just a twinge of regret. Kenshin looked her curiously before she got hold of his gi and smiled slightly. "Lets go home now."
Kenshin smiled lightly and nodded before dropping his arm and taking her hand into his own.
"Un," he agreed.
As they walked back towards the dojo, there were looks of content upon their faces. They were engaged now, and one day soon, they would become a true family.
~*~
Yay! It's done! What do you think? Is it good? Does it flow together? Does it even make
sense? TELL ME!!! Just DON'T THROW FLAMES AT ME!
Glossary-
Kenshin no baka= Kenshin you idot/ idiot Kenshin
Daijobu desuka= Are you allright?
Hai Daijobu desu= Yes I'm fine
Arigato Gozaimasu= Thank you
Doo itashimashite= Don't mention it/you're welcome...
Sessha= This Unworthy One
Aa/Hai= yes
Kirei= Pretty
Tadaima= I'm back