Chapter Four
Heero closed the door behind him angrily. He didn't slam it; he never slammed doors, or raised his voice. A soldier should be controlled, or he will make mistakes. He shuddered as he once again remembered where that had been drilled into him. He slumped down on the white, coarse sofa. He glared at nothing in particular. Duo had deliberately gone against orders, disobeyed them directly, to save his life. Unwittingly, he had also set fireworks off in Heero's brain. One part, the trained part, was embarrassed because he was the cause of such an action. Everything inside screamed that it was wrong, he should be punished, should be told how wrong it was. Then there was the part that Duo had woken when he first walked in the day before. Heero found part of his glowing because Duo had done such an awful thing for him. He shook his head roughly to forget it and glared at the TV. It was wrong, what Duo had done was wrong, and he, Heero…
He stopped. He didn't know what to do. He knew he had been harsh down in the room, but he had meant it, or had he? He knew Duo was good at what he did, knew he was on control, but Heero was always in control, or always had been before Duo came into it. He was rudely jolted from his thoughts by a knock on the door. He glared at it before standing up and walking over. He opened it quickly to glare at the person behind it. It was Trowa. Trowa, looking sternly right back into Heero's blazing eyes with his own blazing, bright green eyes that Heero had never really noticed before.
"Can I speak to you, please?" Trowa asked, but it wasn't a question. Heero smouldered gently, but opened the door wider for him, closing it behind him. Trowa walked into the middle of the room. He was wearing white jeans that hugged his legs all the way down to his grey, elegant boots. His long sleeved polo neck was deep bottle green, bringing out the eyes that were now facing the window. His hair stuck out as it always did, but it looked elegant all the same, everything about him was elegant. Heero stood by the door, simply glaring at him, his hands in loose fists. There was a silence that was too long, but Heero stayed quiet. "You didn't mean what you said to Duo." Trowa said, finally. Heero was taken aback a little. It seemed like a strange thing to say.
"I did." Heero replied, simply. Who was this guy to tell him what he meant and what he didn't? But now Trowa spun round, his eyes blazing even fiercer than ever, though his voice was calm.
"No, you didn't, Heero because you don't know what that meant to him." he said. Heero frowned. "Has he ever said anything about his past to you? I doubt he has, but…"
"Yes." Heero interrupted. His lightning mind worked a few things out.
"Where I came from we were taught that killing and maiming for release was alright so long as the cause was holy, people give you bullshit, you just have to work out what's wrong and right for yourself."
"Well?"
Heero was silent.
"It shows weakness that you don't know how to follow orders."
He felt a stab of guilt in his stomach. What if that was exactly what made Duo so strong? Heero found himself hoping all he could that that wasn't the case, and then frowned even more. Why did he care?
"Heero?" Trowa asked. Heero looked up at him, deep blue eyes less fierce now. "What did he say?"
"I don't know." Heero answered, and Trowa sighed.
"Well, just…I know that you think all soldiers should be invincible but just…don't call him weak because he doesn't blindly jump off cliffs just because some big-shot tells him to, ok?" Trowa said, and then walked out, leaving Heero standing in the middle of the floor, staring into space. What had he just done? And why did he suddenly care about a boy he hardly knew? What had Duo done to him in the short time he knew him?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Heero was kept busy the rest of the day with numerous assessments and tests. He flew past the medical, the test flight in a re construction of a Gundam flight and the endurance. He could answer every military based question straight away, and chose all the right answers to strategic questions. He was shown around the place by Zechs, who he found he liked. He was deadly serious, he found out, and amazed to find out that he was the legendary Lightning Count, feared amongst his enemies and praised amongst his allies. Heero was only too aware of how much on Treize's wrong side he had got, but Wufei had been beaten by him in a sword battle once and they were mortal enemies, so he obviously didn't have it that bad. He was shown how to use his computer by Quatre, who was the computer whiz of the group, but they soon found that Heero's knowledge of it far exceeded the young Arabian. He swapped fighting techniques with Wufei, although the Chinese boy painfully admitted that, although his technique was far the best, in hand to hand combat Duo would win hands down every time. He specialised in the staff and sword. Trowa tested his agility. He worked, undercover as a clown/acrobat in a circus, and trained the animals there. Heero found himself liking the place. There were people there that maybe confused him a little, but it was military enough to be secure and he knew that the work would be challenging yet engrossing. He looked forward to seeing his Gundam the next day.
He came back to his quarters at around eleven at night, not exhausted, but "comfortably tired". He poured himself some cold water in the kitchen, and then went into his room and sat on the large windowsill, draining the glass in one gulp. He looked out over the large lake, reflecting the full moon and stars, to the wooded side of the valley, and the hut half way up the side. He looked over to his right, and stopped. In his own bay window seat, sat Duo. He was scrunched up, arms around his legs, head resting on his knees, the full moon reflecting in his gorgeous violet eyes which looked out at the lake, without seeing it. The stab of guilt came back in Heero's stomach, and suddenly he remembered.
The young boy with the blue eyes came up to her. She smiled sweetly, a strand of chocolate hair falling over her face. As he approached, her little black lab puppy licked at his hands, and he stroked it, smiling.
"I'm Heero." He said, looking up at her. "What's your name?"
"Selphie." The girl replied, shyly. "How old are you?" she asked.
"Nine." He said, proudly. "What about you."
"I'm eight, but I'm nine in two weeks and three days." She added, urgently, and he simply smiled at her again.
"Do you…do you want to come on the swings with me?" he asked, a little shyly. She smiled and nodded. He beamed, and stood up. He stretched out a nimble hand, and she took it.
"You can hold him, if you like." She said, offering the lead to him. He took it in the other hand.
"What's his name?" he asked.
"His name's Benji." She said.
"That's a good name for a dog." He replied, and she smiled again, sweetly.
They spent the whole afternoon in the park, playing tag and mucking about on the climbing frames. He would push her on the swing, and then they'd play with Benji in the leaves, the little puppy barking crazily in excitement.
It was only when the sun was going under the horizon that the boy said he had to go.
"Where do you have to go?" Selphie asked.
"I have to go and do my job." He said.
"You have a job?" she asked, eyes wide in awe. He puffed his chest out proudly.
"Yes." He said. The girl bit her lip nervously.
"Where do you live?" she asked, quietly.
"I can't tell you, it's a secret." Heero said. "So you'll have to tell me where you live so I can come and visit you on my days off."
"I live in Hampton House on 5th Avenue." She said. "Come and visit me whenever you like."
Then, she leant over and kissed him on the cheek before running off with Benji, giggling. Heero smiled at her, lifting a hand to his cheek where she had kissed it. He'd never really had a friend before. He liked her; she was fun and funny.
When he got back to the base, he was smiling such a lot people noticed. He came into the main room.
"Evening, sir." he said, lifting himself onto a stool.
"You're happy." The man said.
"I made a friend today." He said.
"Good, good. Right, you know what to do." The man told him. "The explosives are set, you just need to press the button and find it."
"Where is it?"
"5th Avenue." The doctor said, "A block of flats called Hampton House."
Heero, without another thought, made his fingers blurs as they used the computer. Hampton House 5th Avenue. He found 5th Avenue. Hampton House 5th Avenue. He found Hampton House. Hampton House 5th Avenue? He pressed the detonator for five minutes. Hampton House 5th Avenue!
"No!" he yelled, and sprinted out of the room. The task he had just put in was irreversible, he knew that. He also knew that it was a tight five minutes at a sprint from here to the centre of town, and another minute from there to 5th Avenue. His stomach was jumping, his heart had stopped, his eyes wide, breathing ragged as he sped through the town bumping into people.
"Selphie." He whispered, "Get out. Selphie." He carried on calling her, and got louder and louder. His too accurate body clock told him he had one minute. He sped round the corner, and started screaming. "Selphie! Selphie!" he yelled, his voice raw and desperate. He saw a brown haired girl poke he head out the window in the block, about two hundred feet away.
"Heero!" she cried.
"Get…" he was cut off by an explosion. Instinctively he threw himself to the ground as the flames flew over him and clamped his hands over his ears. As soon as it was over, and the heat had gone he got up.
"Selphie!" he yelled, "Selphie!" he could hear other screams, but they were of simple panic. He sprinted towards the building, ignoring people yelling at him to stop. He ran into the piles of rubble, searching, searching…and stopped dead. Lying, half blown away, torn, burnt, was Benji's lead.
Heero shuddered. After that he had pleaded from Doctor J to train out his emotions. He couldn't deal with it. But, looking over at Duo, he realised that the doctors had failed. He felt. He could feel, even if he didn't know what it was, and suddenly, how he didn't know, but all his fears suddenly became less probable and more certain and he jumped up.
He set the empty glass down in the kitchen and walked out of the door and down the corridor. He tried Duo's door. It was open. He slid it wide and went inside, shutting it quietly. There was no noise and the flat was dark. He walked over, his boots making a seemingly deafening noise on the wooden floor. He went over to the entrance to Duo's room. It was the same as his, bed, wardrobe, dresser, but it was deep red, the floors dark wood. In the window, oblivious to Heero being there, was Duo. He had taken off his jacket and top, leaving his creamy, lean chest bare. Heero could see the tight muscles dormant all over his torso and arms. The black trousers hung loosely on his legs, and covered his black socks on his feet. His back was curved as he hugged his legs, his lightly muscled arms holding him firmly up. His chin rested on his knees, his full lips together, his large eyes reflecting the moon and stars as he stared straight ahead. His braid lay down the curve of his back and rested on the seat behind him. The moon highlighted parts of it and that plus the moon lighting parts of his skin made him look like an angel, dreaming of where he had fallen from. Yet there was a darkness in his eyes that no pure angel could ever have.
Heero un-froze himself with difficulty, and found that he almost couldn't speak.
"Duo." He croaked, finally. Duo didn't even jump, simply turned his head so his all-reflecting eyes rested on Heero's. Heero looked down; he couldn't keep the eye contact.
"What?" Duo's voice was cold, blank, expressionless, and a knot of nerves appeared in Heero's stomach. He fiercely pushed it down, perfect soldiers didn't fear, but, he had to admit, none of his training had prepared him for this.
"I need to talk to you." Heero managed, knowing he was condemning himself. He didn't use words, he couldn't, he didn't know how. There was a tense silence.
"So talk." Duo said, his voice the same as before. Heero hated this. He knew what he had to say, but he couldn't…he couldn't bring himself to say it.
"I…I…I'm…"
"Spit it out, Heero." Duo snapped, the first emotion appearing in his voice as annoyance. Heero felt a flash of anger. Didn't he understand how hard this was for him? As he thought about this, the automatic pilot part of him did what it did whenever he was scared of doing something. Namely, did it without him thinking about it.
"I'm sorry." He blurted, suddenly. He nearly gasped in surprise at himself. He hadn't apologised since…he didn't think he'd ever apologised. Duo's face once again turned to him, and this time, Heero forced himself to stare into those violet eyes that haunted him. He found himself delving deeper than he meant to. Duo let him. He saw the flashes of pain, guilt, anger, self-hatred, hatred in general and fear. Unable to keep it, Heero broke the eye contact, unnerved. He had no idea how Duo just let him do that. He'd be damned before he ever felt safe enough to let anyone see that far into his heart.
"You can have no idea." Duo whispered, suddenly. Heero looked back up at him, almost starting at the desperateness in Duo's eyes.
"Yes," Heero said, "I can."
He saw Duo's eyes meet his, questioning, desperate, needing, and for the first time since, well, ever, he dropped his mask, and let a few moments go by with his eyes saying what his heart felt. There was almost a visible beam between the two. Guilt, pity, understanding and something that looked dangerously like support streaming out of deep blue eyes and pouring all they had into the violet eyes that grabbed at them. Then, Heero blinked, and the emotions were gone, the dead look coming back into his face, and Duo looked away. There was a very long pause as both boys stared at their feet.
"Thanks." Duo whispered after a while. Heero didn't need anymore. He was fighting his own battle. He knew he should go, but Duo was still looking so sad, he couldn't. Once, again, his automatic pilot came into play. He took the steps and ended up right by Duo, was staring out onto the lake again, lost. Before he knew what he was doing, Heero had placed a hand on Duo's shoulder. Duo jumped at the touch, and looked up, starting again as he saw how close Heero was. Heero's look was stern, but strength seemed to flow from it, as it did from the warmth of his hand on Duo's smooth, cold shoulder.
Then, he was gone, without moving it seemed, and Duo was left looking at empty air. But Duo could still feel his hand on his shoulder, and could still smell his musty, dangerously intoxicating smell. He smelt of age-old newness, of safety, of protection. Duo shuddered involuntarily. It was so small, what Heero had done, and yet it meant so much. What had this boy done to him? Since when did he lose control like that? Since when did a look and a touch make him feel like everything was going to be ok again? Sick of sitting at the window, Duo got up. He almost felt cold where Heero should be, and found himself wanting Heero to hold him. He shook his head worriedly, he'd always thought that, although he went for both, he'd always be a ladies man, but then, he smiled. He had a sneaking suspicion that if Heero were a girl, he'd want him/her just as much. He shook his head again. He didn't fancy Heero, it was just that Heero had just helped him through a tough patch, you always feel like this after someone has done that, don't you? Yes, of course you do.
He slumped in the armchair and switched the TV on. It was some crap action movie, but Duo found himself immersing himself in it. It was a blessing to turn his brain off for a while, he'd been using it too much today. He snuggled up deeper into the chair and grabbed the blanket from the sofa where he'd fallen asleep the morning before. He settled into the movie, all thoughts of guilt, of orders and especially of Heero out of his head. He blissfully fell asleep before the film ended and started snoring loudly as the main character dodged five machine guns, killing the gunmen and jumping out of a five storey window, walking away from it, unharmed, to get the girl.