Bring Me to Life
By Gingivere the Shadowreaver
~*~*~*~
Chapter Twelve
~*~*~*~
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A/N: Diskettes suck I tell you. I wrote the most kick ass scene involving the parts going along with Gan Ning and Liu Bei (and company, you know, they're captured by the Nanmans), was going to transfer it from my laptop to this computer, and guess what, FILE NOT FOUND. BASTARD DISKETTES ALWAYS EATING MY STUFF! SOB! So guess what... NO STUFF INVOLVING LIU BEI OR GAN NING, BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT?! ON WITH THE FUCKIN' STORY!!! NOBODY SEEMS TO FRICKIN' CARE ABOUT THEM ANYWAYS! (is SO beyond pissed right now)
____
For some odd reason, the floor he slept on seemed kind of fuzzy, and Lu Xun could feel the floor slowly move up and down. He swore it made a noise every now and then, one that resembled the sound a horse would make. And when he dared himself to open his eyes, he could see the side of the horse's head, resting along the ground.
He could tell, by its color, anyway, that this was Liu Bei's horse, and he could see the scratches and still fresh blood coating around it's neck, the same markings Lu Xun had worn. He remembered how Zhang He compared him to a horse that was forced to wear a thorn collar to, how he had lost the bet, and he realized that it was this horse that he was compared to.
It wasn't often that a horse would sleep laying down, but Lu Xun could see how much pain it was in. He almost felt sorry for him, his sympathy breaking past his fear of these creatures.
Now he wondered... WHY he was even sleeping on the horse's side? As a matter of fact, why was he in the stable, surrounded by other horses? He sat up, trying to cope with the wind that brushed past his bare upper body. That was when he noticed his bandages were missing, and he looked at his burnt body, almost freaking out.
And what also got him was that he was alone. Well, as he tried to stand, he was proven wrong, as he could see Zhang He standing at the entrance, talking with a soldier. He sighed, going back to laying against the resting horse, any hope of escaping gone. He was trapped, just like this horse was.
As he laid there, he tried to remember what exactly happened before he even fell into unconsciousness. All he could remember was being in his room, with Zhang He and Sima Yi...
He cursed, shaking his head, now trying NOT to remember. Maybe it was a good thing his father was dead, for if he were here now, the man would only laugh at him, for being to weak. 'I never was able to please Father in anything...'
It was a sad thought, and he sighed, snuggling into the horse's warm side, looking for warmth now. He never remembered his father ever praising him, or smiling at him, or anything other than the sheer hatred and disgust. He was so far into the thought that he didn't notice Zhang He walking towards him with a bucket.
The horse, on the other hand, noticed it instantly, and he gave an angry neigh, too weak or too tired to do anything else. It snapped Lu Xun into attention, and Zhang He looked at it curiously, shaking his head. "Such a strange creature, to hold so much hatred towards me. I don't see why..."
"The horse has good taste..." Lu Xun said with a sigh, seeing the rage in the pained beast's eyes. He reached out his hand, to try to calm it and stroke its muzzle, but he was refused, as usual. "Was it not you that killed its master and took him captive, holding him with that thorn collar of yours?"
Cocking his head, Zhang He asked, "Is it for such reasons you hate me as well?"
The child answered truthfully, "Yes."
"How strange it is... to see how similar you and that poor beast are..."
It seemed that the horse lost its spirit and strength, as it returned to rest, its flaming eyes closing once again. Lu Xun felt for the creature more than himself, resting a hand on its chest. "Except he's much stronger than me..."
Daring to stroke the beast's silky coat, he laughed bitterly, "Much, much stronger..."
Zhang He shook his head, pulling out a wet rag and squeezing the excess water from it. He knelt next to Lu Xun, and he tilted his head, trying to look into his amber eyes. "Why do you say that? Do you really see yourself as a weakling?"
The response was soft, "Don't you?"
"Depends... you cam really close to snapping awhile ago, but you seem okay now. How do you feel, physically?"
Lu Xun hissed, "I am tired, burnt, and beaten... not to mention that my heart is broken, each tiny sliver somehow finding a way to pierce my soul. How do you THINK I feel?!"
He winced, as the wet rag was slowly brushed along his arm, and he could see almost realistic sincerity arise from Zhang He's face. This man was too confusing for words, and he asked, his anger deep. "Why are you like this? How is it that when Cao Cao or Sima Yi aren't looking, you're so... so..."
"Kind?"
"That's not a good word..." Closing his eyes, he shook his head, wincing again as Zhang He now rinsed his shoulders.
"Then what word would you use?" The exotic man asked, tilting his head ever so slightly and bringing the rag up to his face, getting him to slowly turn his head to face him. Now he could see those troubled amber eyes, and he smiled. "The others just don't see what I see in you, that's all. One day they'll see it, I guess, but as long as you're in my hands, you're safe."
Lu Xun flinched, "Somehow... I feel less safe..."
Then Zhang He drew close, uncomfortably close, and Lu Xun asked, almost afraid. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think I shall do?"
With eyes full of horror, Lu Xun tried to push him away, to save himself. "No! Please... any method of torture but that! I'd rather die with my love than this!"
Those strangely intoxicating eyes met his own amber stare, and the Wu officer could feel his heart beating fast with terror, "Don't..."
"Just... think of me as your love, the one woman closest to your heart." Zhang He said in nothing higher than a whisper, as his lips brushed against Lu Xun's. "Close your eyes, and please... hold nothing back."
Lu Xun hissed, "No... you do not DESERVE anything I would give to her..."
Pulling away for perhaps a second, Zhang He spoke softly, rubbing a finger down his face. "I can see your pain in your eyes... they do not come from anything I have inflicted, nor Sima Yi. They come from the pain in your heart, when you heard her cry and discovered who it was that snap her life span... you miss her, and you never gave her the chance to tell her know..."
The pain in Lu Xun's heart tripled, and the tears rose to his eyes, "Don't you think I KNOW that... without you telling me? Don't I feel guilty enough... without you tormenting me?"
"Then please..." Pulling him closer, Zhang He whispered. "Let me take it away; I knew that you had loved her... I tried to save her, but Xiahou Dun won in the end. Please, let me take away your pain."
Why did he suddenly want to give in? Lu Xun spoke, surprised at weary his voice was, "No... no one can take away my pain... not even you..."
"Humor me, then... and who knows? Maybe it will work?"
"I will not desecrate her memory..."
However, it appeared he was given no choice, and their lips met. It was a volt when they met, a volt that captured his entire form, an unknown feeling driving and inhabiting his body. How could he feel this way, when it was more than just another man giving him this feeling?! He fought, but to no avail!
Zhang He proved to be a skillful kisser, teasing him and comforting him all at the same time, and Lu Xun was almost ashamed to feel hot tears streaking down his face. 'Da Qiao... I am so sorry...'
'And please... don't hold anything back...' Zhang He's voice whispered in his mind, only making it harder for his heart to cope with.
More disturbing still, he found himself following the advice, and he found himself beginning to respond to the kiss, hesitantly at first, but growing stronger and stronger as the kiss deepened. What was he doing? He wanted to stop, to mourn the loss of his father and his love, but he... he just couldn't!
It finally came to the point that Lu Xun no longer knew if Zhang He was kissing him... or if he was kissing Zhang He. And strangely enough, it didn't seem to matter...
But it did! He finally broke it up, with as much strength as he had left in him, his heart conquering over his pleasure. This was not Da Qiao! He should have never felt anything from this, and he shouted, waking up the horse once again. "Leave me alone!"
The poor Wu officer began to sob into his hands, not caring as their saltiness stung his wounds, not caring that this was weakness. He was too ashamed of what had just occured to care... "Oh God... what have you DONE to me?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!"
'He's cracking... good...' Zhang He thought with a smile, looking down at him. He could almost feel his pain, and he rested a hand on his shoulder. "I know you wanted her... she loved you so much. It was her last words before she threw herself over into the river."
Had Lu Xun been coherent, he would have taken these words to heart and realized there was still some chance of his love being alive. However, he was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and panic, and he sobbed, "I wanted HER! I loved HER, NOT YOU!"
His words carried, and Zhou Yu, still disguised as a Wei officer, stood outside the stable, hearing his friend's cries and quivering. He knew for sure, that Da Qiao was not dead, and if only Zhang He was not there, he would have been quick to disagree, to assure him. He growled, gripping the hilt of his sword with white knuckles.
Lu Xun backed further against the warm belly of the horse, seeking comfort, and finding nothing. He groaned, and it seemed his soul cried with him, "I've betrayed her now... cheapened and belittled her!"
"What a pity... you two would have been so cute together."
The tear-stained amber orbs glared at him, blazing with a fire that had not been there for a long time, "I hate you... by all the Gods there are and ever were I HATE you!"
How he wanted to strike the man, but alas, he had no strength. Instead, Zhang He just pushed him down, grabbing the rag and clapping it onto his burnt chest. "Stay still... you'll open your wounds."
Curling his burnt hands around the offending ones, he hissed, "I DON'T CARE! I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET YOU TOUCH ME!"
Zhang He easily broke one hand free, slapping him across the face harshly. The resting horse awoke with a start, bellowing loudly and rising to its wobbly feet, wailing as it tried to attack Zhang He now. Lu Xun crawled away from the beast, not wishing it feel its fury, and he hide behind another, watching with awe from a distance. What a steed!
Or it had once been, in its prime. Now, weakened from maltreatment, the gray horse could hardly stand, much less attack, but it was the blazing courage in its liquid eyes that commanded Lu Xun's attention. With a grunt, it fell back down, leaving Zhang He to stare at it for a little while longer before turning to the hiding Lu Xun. "Mood swings..."
The Wu officer sneered, "No. If that horse could, he would kill you..."
"If... is the keyword here..."
Lu Xun nodded, sinking back into himself, "I wish I could help him... then maybe we would both be happy... as happy as we can be..."
Before Zhang He could say anything, Zhou Yu stepped in, speaking loudly and trying his best to disguise his voice as well. "Sir, Lord Cao Cao wishes to see you."
Zhang He poked his tongue out, more in a playful manner than in a disrespectful one, "Doesn't he always? You stay here and watch the prisoner; don't let him out of your sight."
'I won't... and hold that tongue of yours, bastard...' Zhou Yu thought with a violent gesture, lucky that Zhang He had not seen it at all. He could see Lu Xun, and he did his best to keep his cool, waiting for Zhang He to leave.
If Lu Xun cared at all, he did not show it. Better a guard that hated him mutually than Zhang He, he supposed. He had guessed that Zhang He was gone, when Lu Xun heard Zhou Yu speak, lowly, "Lu Xun, are you alright?"
Covering his ears, Lu Xun shook his head, 'Great... NOW I'm going crazy... thinking the enemy is Zhou Yu...'
"Lu Xun? Lu Xun, dammit, answer me!" Zhou Yu tried again, this time walking deeper into the stable, trying to get around the horse to see his fellow strategist. "Lu Xun, you're not going crazy, it's me! Zhou Yu!"
"Zhou Yu?" Lu Xun looked at him, blinking slowly, "But... how?"
When Zhou Yu saw him, he could not hold back his gasp, looking him up and down, and seeing the marks from the flames. He quickly asked, afraid to touch him in fear of harming him. "Who did this to you?"
"Sima Yi... dumb jealous bastard..."
"Jealous?" Zhou Yu shook his head, then asked, his voice softer. "Are you alright?"
Lu Xun only stared at him, "What do you think?"
Now Zhou Yu felt heartless to ask such a stupid question, wanting to slap himself but saving himself the trouble, going to get the bucket and rag. He answered Lu Xun's first question, looking around to make sure no one else could hear them. "I'm spying, of course... thinking of the best way to save the villagers and save you. Why else would I be here?"
"You could be just an illusion," Lu Xun reminded him with a tight smile. "I have dreamed of such things before..."
He looked ready to cry, but he pushes away Zhou Yu, before he was given the chance to comfort him. "I need no more pain right now..."
Zhou Yu sighed, "Forgive me... I do not seem to be doing a very good job of cheering you up..."
Shrugging, Lu Xun looked away, falling to the ground to sit. "How can you? Da Qiao's dead... my father's dead... I've forsaken innocent villagers and forced them from their homes... my father's greatest sword lays broken, because I was too foolish to realize I couldn't hold it... how can anything cheer me up at this moment?"
Zhou Yu shook his head, "Not all of that is so..."
"What?!" Lu Xun quickly looked up at him, his eyes wide with wonder and confusion, and pain. He quickly got back to his feet, as painful as it was, and he grabbed Zhou Yi's hands, asking. "Have you seen my father? Or Da Qiao? Are they alive?!"
Zhou Yu nodded, "Yes... somehow they managed to survive the attacks..."
It was a great sigh of relief, and Lu Xun felt ready to cry once again, but this time they were to be replaced with tears of joy. "Oh thank the gods!"
Zhou Yu quickly shushed him, "Not so loud; I AM still a spy here..."
"Have you come to rescue me?" Lu Xun asked in a whisper, somehow knowing that would be impossible.
And it broke his fellow strategists heart to tell him so, "No... not yet..."
Lu Xun felt it hit his heart, but he did not complain, only nodding to accept the fact. "What is it that you wish to know? Perhaps I can tell you..."
"Anything you can tell me would be helpful." Zhou Yu wanted to give the man hope, even if he couldn't free him from this hell just yet. "Do you know how long Cao Cao and the forces are going to stay here?"
"We should be leaving in the morning; we almost always do..." Then Lu Xun asked, "Will the villagers be safe then? I can try to hold them back... perhaps the horse can help..."
Zhou Yu shook his head, "We don't want you getting into any trouble; you don't need any more pain..."
Lu Xun gave a weak smile, trying to forget his pain now. "If it'll save those people, then it's well worth it. You can't stay here for long, as much as I want you to... and Zhang He will be angry when he returns..."
Zhou Yu's eyebrow rose, "Oh? You think so?"
"I know so... he's insane I tell you... one minute, he's kind, then the next, psycho! Like one possessed! I can't understand him at all, Zhou Yu... and... and he..."
His fellow strategist spoke softly, "He what, Lu Xun?"
He was surprised when Lu Xun grabbed him, hugging onto him like a frightened child. Zhou Yu was too surprised, but he willed himself to hug back, if it made him feel better. He sighed, trying to console him. "If I could risk saving you now I would... it's my fault you're even here! I'm sorry."
"I know, but I don't blame you. I just wish... Zhang He didn't scare me so much..."
Squeezing him harder, Zhou Yu tried his very best, knowing that words weren't enough to help him. "Try to stay strong... you can't let them win, even if it will bring more pain. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger..."
"In that you and my father agree... but you had better leave soon..."
Uncertain that being compared to this man's father was a compliment or not, Zhou Yu didn't argue, and he quickly left, leaving Lu Xun to be alone again. He stopped, though, and returned to say one last thing. "And Da Qiao does love you; she knows, and she told me herself that she would gladly share her life with you... just thought you might like to know this."
A warm blush rose to the boy's cheeks, and Lu Xun hissed, his amber eyes darting about, "Thank you, but no more foolishness... Zhang He will be back any moment now, and it will NOT be good for you to be here..."
"Just though it make you feel better, I'm not teasing you about it!" Zhou Yu said with a smile, then left, for real this time.
Lu Xun was grateful for both the news and the departure, but in a way, he was more worried than ever. Now he had to pretend to still be grieving for a love that was not dead, to act hopeless when he had great hope. Swallowing, he petted the sickened horse of Lu Bei, whispering, "I just hope I don't disappoint them..."
The horse gave a weak sigh, giving him a short glance before going off to stare. At least he acknowledged him, Lu Xun thought with a small smile, before leaning against its warm, fuzzy side. When the horse wasn't bucking wild and acting like one possessed, he rather liked this creature.
Did that mean that he would overcome his fear of horses, and learn to ride and fight upon them with great skill? He laughed at himself, "Well... let's not hope for miracles..."
~*~*~*~
"Are we under attack?"
Zhao Yun wasn't surprised to see Lu Jun run ahead of his people, grabbing a spear from one of the soldiers and going to assault the incoming attacker. He couldn't believe how brash this man was, leaving him alone to protect the now frightened people. "Stay behind me; I won't let any harm come to you!"
They huddled together, as Zhao Yun held his spear at the ready, preparing to see forces running over the hill. Instead, he saw Lu Jun, and one man, whom he instantly recognized. It was Wei Yan!
"Lu Jun, fall back! It's an ally!" Zhao Yun shouted, only to be ignored. The two men did not listen to him, even though Pang Tong had given the same order. Now they could see Sun Ce and Lu Meng arrive, watching the fight that broke out between the two men. "Lu Jun, it's Wei Yan; he's loyal to Shu!"
Rather Lu Jun cared or not, he wasn't sure, and their weapons locked, each refusing to back down first. Wei Yan spat, looking into Lu Jun's red-brimmed eyes. "Who... this?"
Laughing, Lu Jun found it hard to overpower this man, despite his odd features. He replied, digging his feet into the ground, hoping to get leverage, but he feared and welcomed the fact that he might have met his match. "I am Lord Lu Jun of Wujun, nephew of Lu Kang! And who are you, masked freak?"
"Wei Yan... of... Shu!"
Somehow, their hold was broken, and they seemed to have been on the same wavelength as they both went for a punch. Sun Ce burst out laughing when they decked each other in the jaw, and, taking the opportunity, Zhao Yun, Lu Meng, and Pang Tong quickly intervened. "Let them fight! They seem to be enjoying themselves!"
Lu Meng looked to his lord, as Lu Jun finally gave up his fight, brushing them off and looking to Wei Yan and spatting. "You mean to tell me that this freak is our ally? Where did you pick him up?"
"Kill!"
Wei Yan would have struck, but Pang Tong made it his duty to make sure he wouldn't lift his weapon, slamming his foot down on the hilt and placing his staff at his officer's chest. Wei Yan looked to him, but remained silent, knowing better than to question the hooded man. Still, though, he sent the man clad in red armor a deadly look, though it was unseen through his mask.
Finally, peace seemed to be restored among the two fractions, and the people watched curiously as their lord now noticed Sun Ce. His eyes narrowed, giving him an almost deathly look, as he now acknowledge the current Wu ruler. "At last, Lord Sun Ce is old enough to run his own country; last time I saw you, you were no bigger than my son at his current age!"
"And you have not changed at all..." Sun Ce countered, doing nothing to ease the tension between the two. "You are still the stubborn and willful warrior that my father once knew and that I am seeing now."
"Times change, but sometimes people won't."
Feeling enough was enough, Lu Meng spoke between the two. "Sir, if I'm not mistaken, I believe that there is a need for an explanation for all of this..."
Sighing mentally, Sun Ce nodded, now addressing Lu Jun in a more respectable manner, though the man returned no such thing. "Lord Lu Jun, why have you brought your people out of their village; was it under attack?"
"What do you think?" Lu Jun turned to his tired people, his voice softening. "Lord Cao Cao attacked, and he used a very powerful weapon against us."
Zhao Yun finished the report, giving a polite bow to Pang Tong and the still irritated Wei Yan. "They are holding Lu Xun captive within the walls of Wujun, and they now have gained control of their army and supplies. Da Qiao is seriously injured, and Zhou Yu will be joining us shortly."
Hearing the words 'Da Qiao' and 'injured' in the same sentence, Sun Ce's eyes lit up, and he was upon Lu Jun in an instant, his eyes flaring with rage. "You allowed a woman to be injured in battle?!"
"She saved my people, and I am in her debt as it is, sir," Lu Jun said with a gruff, pushing him away gently. He could see what was the cause of those eyes, and it was love. He sighed, "She's fine, but she needs to be looked at by a better medical staff."
Putting aside their differences, Sun Ce then demanded, "Where is she?"
"She's resting amongst the villagers... we need to get to a village quickly, though..."
"Then let's waste no time!" Sun Ce announced, mounting his horse once again. He looked to Lu Jun, keeping his voice settled. "The closest city with within a day's march; it's on Shu territory, but I am sure that they will allow us passage?"
Without hesitation, Pang Tong justified that fact with a nod. "Yes, and while we're there, perhaps we can catch up on the situation we have here. I'm not liking the way things are shaping here... no news from Lord Liu Bei, and Lu Xun in Wei hands."
"We'll have to worry about that later I'm afraid," Zhao Yun looked towards the sun as it reached its midday mark. He worried now about Zhou Yu, but he had faith in him. "Hopefully Zhou Yun will be able to give us more details when he returns. Let us go..."
So, the marching continued, with Sun Ce and Zhao Yun at the lead. Wei Yan kept his distance from the lord of Wujun, keeping an ever-watchful eye upon him as he tried to aid his people, to keep their morale and hopes high.
It was Pang Tong who spoke to him, his voice muffled under the clothing he wore to cover his face. "Do not be bothered by him, Wei Yan... he is a man with odd intentions, much like yourself."
"No... like... Wu... officers..." Wei Yan growled and spat, but kept his voice respectable. "No... like... that... one... more."
"Then perhaps you do not like looking at yourself in the mirror..."
And, almost as true as it sounded, they ended their discussion there, keeping their eyes open for enemies as well as fellow allies. And the entire trip, Pang Tong was scheming, trying to make sense of the entire situation. He knew he had to wait for Zhou Yu to arrive, but still, thinking ahead never failed.
By Gingivere the Shadowreaver
~*~*~*~
Chapter Twelve
~*~*~*~
____
A/N: Diskettes suck I tell you. I wrote the most kick ass scene involving the parts going along with Gan Ning and Liu Bei (and company, you know, they're captured by the Nanmans), was going to transfer it from my laptop to this computer, and guess what, FILE NOT FOUND. BASTARD DISKETTES ALWAYS EATING MY STUFF! SOB! So guess what... NO STUFF INVOLVING LIU BEI OR GAN NING, BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT?! ON WITH THE FUCKIN' STORY!!! NOBODY SEEMS TO FRICKIN' CARE ABOUT THEM ANYWAYS! (is SO beyond pissed right now)
____
For some odd reason, the floor he slept on seemed kind of fuzzy, and Lu Xun could feel the floor slowly move up and down. He swore it made a noise every now and then, one that resembled the sound a horse would make. And when he dared himself to open his eyes, he could see the side of the horse's head, resting along the ground.
He could tell, by its color, anyway, that this was Liu Bei's horse, and he could see the scratches and still fresh blood coating around it's neck, the same markings Lu Xun had worn. He remembered how Zhang He compared him to a horse that was forced to wear a thorn collar to, how he had lost the bet, and he realized that it was this horse that he was compared to.
It wasn't often that a horse would sleep laying down, but Lu Xun could see how much pain it was in. He almost felt sorry for him, his sympathy breaking past his fear of these creatures.
Now he wondered... WHY he was even sleeping on the horse's side? As a matter of fact, why was he in the stable, surrounded by other horses? He sat up, trying to cope with the wind that brushed past his bare upper body. That was when he noticed his bandages were missing, and he looked at his burnt body, almost freaking out.
And what also got him was that he was alone. Well, as he tried to stand, he was proven wrong, as he could see Zhang He standing at the entrance, talking with a soldier. He sighed, going back to laying against the resting horse, any hope of escaping gone. He was trapped, just like this horse was.
As he laid there, he tried to remember what exactly happened before he even fell into unconsciousness. All he could remember was being in his room, with Zhang He and Sima Yi...
He cursed, shaking his head, now trying NOT to remember. Maybe it was a good thing his father was dead, for if he were here now, the man would only laugh at him, for being to weak. 'I never was able to please Father in anything...'
It was a sad thought, and he sighed, snuggling into the horse's warm side, looking for warmth now. He never remembered his father ever praising him, or smiling at him, or anything other than the sheer hatred and disgust. He was so far into the thought that he didn't notice Zhang He walking towards him with a bucket.
The horse, on the other hand, noticed it instantly, and he gave an angry neigh, too weak or too tired to do anything else. It snapped Lu Xun into attention, and Zhang He looked at it curiously, shaking his head. "Such a strange creature, to hold so much hatred towards me. I don't see why..."
"The horse has good taste..." Lu Xun said with a sigh, seeing the rage in the pained beast's eyes. He reached out his hand, to try to calm it and stroke its muzzle, but he was refused, as usual. "Was it not you that killed its master and took him captive, holding him with that thorn collar of yours?"
Cocking his head, Zhang He asked, "Is it for such reasons you hate me as well?"
The child answered truthfully, "Yes."
"How strange it is... to see how similar you and that poor beast are..."
It seemed that the horse lost its spirit and strength, as it returned to rest, its flaming eyes closing once again. Lu Xun felt for the creature more than himself, resting a hand on its chest. "Except he's much stronger than me..."
Daring to stroke the beast's silky coat, he laughed bitterly, "Much, much stronger..."
Zhang He shook his head, pulling out a wet rag and squeezing the excess water from it. He knelt next to Lu Xun, and he tilted his head, trying to look into his amber eyes. "Why do you say that? Do you really see yourself as a weakling?"
The response was soft, "Don't you?"
"Depends... you cam really close to snapping awhile ago, but you seem okay now. How do you feel, physically?"
Lu Xun hissed, "I am tired, burnt, and beaten... not to mention that my heart is broken, each tiny sliver somehow finding a way to pierce my soul. How do you THINK I feel?!"
He winced, as the wet rag was slowly brushed along his arm, and he could see almost realistic sincerity arise from Zhang He's face. This man was too confusing for words, and he asked, his anger deep. "Why are you like this? How is it that when Cao Cao or Sima Yi aren't looking, you're so... so..."
"Kind?"
"That's not a good word..." Closing his eyes, he shook his head, wincing again as Zhang He now rinsed his shoulders.
"Then what word would you use?" The exotic man asked, tilting his head ever so slightly and bringing the rag up to his face, getting him to slowly turn his head to face him. Now he could see those troubled amber eyes, and he smiled. "The others just don't see what I see in you, that's all. One day they'll see it, I guess, but as long as you're in my hands, you're safe."
Lu Xun flinched, "Somehow... I feel less safe..."
Then Zhang He drew close, uncomfortably close, and Lu Xun asked, almost afraid. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think I shall do?"
With eyes full of horror, Lu Xun tried to push him away, to save himself. "No! Please... any method of torture but that! I'd rather die with my love than this!"
Those strangely intoxicating eyes met his own amber stare, and the Wu officer could feel his heart beating fast with terror, "Don't..."
"Just... think of me as your love, the one woman closest to your heart." Zhang He said in nothing higher than a whisper, as his lips brushed against Lu Xun's. "Close your eyes, and please... hold nothing back."
Lu Xun hissed, "No... you do not DESERVE anything I would give to her..."
Pulling away for perhaps a second, Zhang He spoke softly, rubbing a finger down his face. "I can see your pain in your eyes... they do not come from anything I have inflicted, nor Sima Yi. They come from the pain in your heart, when you heard her cry and discovered who it was that snap her life span... you miss her, and you never gave her the chance to tell her know..."
The pain in Lu Xun's heart tripled, and the tears rose to his eyes, "Don't you think I KNOW that... without you telling me? Don't I feel guilty enough... without you tormenting me?"
"Then please..." Pulling him closer, Zhang He whispered. "Let me take it away; I knew that you had loved her... I tried to save her, but Xiahou Dun won in the end. Please, let me take away your pain."
Why did he suddenly want to give in? Lu Xun spoke, surprised at weary his voice was, "No... no one can take away my pain... not even you..."
"Humor me, then... and who knows? Maybe it will work?"
"I will not desecrate her memory..."
However, it appeared he was given no choice, and their lips met. It was a volt when they met, a volt that captured his entire form, an unknown feeling driving and inhabiting his body. How could he feel this way, when it was more than just another man giving him this feeling?! He fought, but to no avail!
Zhang He proved to be a skillful kisser, teasing him and comforting him all at the same time, and Lu Xun was almost ashamed to feel hot tears streaking down his face. 'Da Qiao... I am so sorry...'
'And please... don't hold anything back...' Zhang He's voice whispered in his mind, only making it harder for his heart to cope with.
More disturbing still, he found himself following the advice, and he found himself beginning to respond to the kiss, hesitantly at first, but growing stronger and stronger as the kiss deepened. What was he doing? He wanted to stop, to mourn the loss of his father and his love, but he... he just couldn't!
It finally came to the point that Lu Xun no longer knew if Zhang He was kissing him... or if he was kissing Zhang He. And strangely enough, it didn't seem to matter...
But it did! He finally broke it up, with as much strength as he had left in him, his heart conquering over his pleasure. This was not Da Qiao! He should have never felt anything from this, and he shouted, waking up the horse once again. "Leave me alone!"
The poor Wu officer began to sob into his hands, not caring as their saltiness stung his wounds, not caring that this was weakness. He was too ashamed of what had just occured to care... "Oh God... what have you DONE to me?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!"
'He's cracking... good...' Zhang He thought with a smile, looking down at him. He could almost feel his pain, and he rested a hand on his shoulder. "I know you wanted her... she loved you so much. It was her last words before she threw herself over into the river."
Had Lu Xun been coherent, he would have taken these words to heart and realized there was still some chance of his love being alive. However, he was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and panic, and he sobbed, "I wanted HER! I loved HER, NOT YOU!"
His words carried, and Zhou Yu, still disguised as a Wei officer, stood outside the stable, hearing his friend's cries and quivering. He knew for sure, that Da Qiao was not dead, and if only Zhang He was not there, he would have been quick to disagree, to assure him. He growled, gripping the hilt of his sword with white knuckles.
Lu Xun backed further against the warm belly of the horse, seeking comfort, and finding nothing. He groaned, and it seemed his soul cried with him, "I've betrayed her now... cheapened and belittled her!"
"What a pity... you two would have been so cute together."
The tear-stained amber orbs glared at him, blazing with a fire that had not been there for a long time, "I hate you... by all the Gods there are and ever were I HATE you!"
How he wanted to strike the man, but alas, he had no strength. Instead, Zhang He just pushed him down, grabbing the rag and clapping it onto his burnt chest. "Stay still... you'll open your wounds."
Curling his burnt hands around the offending ones, he hissed, "I DON'T CARE! I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET YOU TOUCH ME!"
Zhang He easily broke one hand free, slapping him across the face harshly. The resting horse awoke with a start, bellowing loudly and rising to its wobbly feet, wailing as it tried to attack Zhang He now. Lu Xun crawled away from the beast, not wishing it feel its fury, and he hide behind another, watching with awe from a distance. What a steed!
Or it had once been, in its prime. Now, weakened from maltreatment, the gray horse could hardly stand, much less attack, but it was the blazing courage in its liquid eyes that commanded Lu Xun's attention. With a grunt, it fell back down, leaving Zhang He to stare at it for a little while longer before turning to the hiding Lu Xun. "Mood swings..."
The Wu officer sneered, "No. If that horse could, he would kill you..."
"If... is the keyword here..."
Lu Xun nodded, sinking back into himself, "I wish I could help him... then maybe we would both be happy... as happy as we can be..."
Before Zhang He could say anything, Zhou Yu stepped in, speaking loudly and trying his best to disguise his voice as well. "Sir, Lord Cao Cao wishes to see you."
Zhang He poked his tongue out, more in a playful manner than in a disrespectful one, "Doesn't he always? You stay here and watch the prisoner; don't let him out of your sight."
'I won't... and hold that tongue of yours, bastard...' Zhou Yu thought with a violent gesture, lucky that Zhang He had not seen it at all. He could see Lu Xun, and he did his best to keep his cool, waiting for Zhang He to leave.
If Lu Xun cared at all, he did not show it. Better a guard that hated him mutually than Zhang He, he supposed. He had guessed that Zhang He was gone, when Lu Xun heard Zhou Yu speak, lowly, "Lu Xun, are you alright?"
Covering his ears, Lu Xun shook his head, 'Great... NOW I'm going crazy... thinking the enemy is Zhou Yu...'
"Lu Xun? Lu Xun, dammit, answer me!" Zhou Yu tried again, this time walking deeper into the stable, trying to get around the horse to see his fellow strategist. "Lu Xun, you're not going crazy, it's me! Zhou Yu!"
"Zhou Yu?" Lu Xun looked at him, blinking slowly, "But... how?"
When Zhou Yu saw him, he could not hold back his gasp, looking him up and down, and seeing the marks from the flames. He quickly asked, afraid to touch him in fear of harming him. "Who did this to you?"
"Sima Yi... dumb jealous bastard..."
"Jealous?" Zhou Yu shook his head, then asked, his voice softer. "Are you alright?"
Lu Xun only stared at him, "What do you think?"
Now Zhou Yu felt heartless to ask such a stupid question, wanting to slap himself but saving himself the trouble, going to get the bucket and rag. He answered Lu Xun's first question, looking around to make sure no one else could hear them. "I'm spying, of course... thinking of the best way to save the villagers and save you. Why else would I be here?"
"You could be just an illusion," Lu Xun reminded him with a tight smile. "I have dreamed of such things before..."
He looked ready to cry, but he pushes away Zhou Yu, before he was given the chance to comfort him. "I need no more pain right now..."
Zhou Yu sighed, "Forgive me... I do not seem to be doing a very good job of cheering you up..."
Shrugging, Lu Xun looked away, falling to the ground to sit. "How can you? Da Qiao's dead... my father's dead... I've forsaken innocent villagers and forced them from their homes... my father's greatest sword lays broken, because I was too foolish to realize I couldn't hold it... how can anything cheer me up at this moment?"
Zhou Yu shook his head, "Not all of that is so..."
"What?!" Lu Xun quickly looked up at him, his eyes wide with wonder and confusion, and pain. He quickly got back to his feet, as painful as it was, and he grabbed Zhou Yi's hands, asking. "Have you seen my father? Or Da Qiao? Are they alive?!"
Zhou Yu nodded, "Yes... somehow they managed to survive the attacks..."
It was a great sigh of relief, and Lu Xun felt ready to cry once again, but this time they were to be replaced with tears of joy. "Oh thank the gods!"
Zhou Yu quickly shushed him, "Not so loud; I AM still a spy here..."
"Have you come to rescue me?" Lu Xun asked in a whisper, somehow knowing that would be impossible.
And it broke his fellow strategists heart to tell him so, "No... not yet..."
Lu Xun felt it hit his heart, but he did not complain, only nodding to accept the fact. "What is it that you wish to know? Perhaps I can tell you..."
"Anything you can tell me would be helpful." Zhou Yu wanted to give the man hope, even if he couldn't free him from this hell just yet. "Do you know how long Cao Cao and the forces are going to stay here?"
"We should be leaving in the morning; we almost always do..." Then Lu Xun asked, "Will the villagers be safe then? I can try to hold them back... perhaps the horse can help..."
Zhou Yu shook his head, "We don't want you getting into any trouble; you don't need any more pain..."
Lu Xun gave a weak smile, trying to forget his pain now. "If it'll save those people, then it's well worth it. You can't stay here for long, as much as I want you to... and Zhang He will be angry when he returns..."
Zhou Yu's eyebrow rose, "Oh? You think so?"
"I know so... he's insane I tell you... one minute, he's kind, then the next, psycho! Like one possessed! I can't understand him at all, Zhou Yu... and... and he..."
His fellow strategist spoke softly, "He what, Lu Xun?"
He was surprised when Lu Xun grabbed him, hugging onto him like a frightened child. Zhou Yu was too surprised, but he willed himself to hug back, if it made him feel better. He sighed, trying to console him. "If I could risk saving you now I would... it's my fault you're even here! I'm sorry."
"I know, but I don't blame you. I just wish... Zhang He didn't scare me so much..."
Squeezing him harder, Zhou Yu tried his very best, knowing that words weren't enough to help him. "Try to stay strong... you can't let them win, even if it will bring more pain. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger..."
"In that you and my father agree... but you had better leave soon..."
Uncertain that being compared to this man's father was a compliment or not, Zhou Yu didn't argue, and he quickly left, leaving Lu Xun to be alone again. He stopped, though, and returned to say one last thing. "And Da Qiao does love you; she knows, and she told me herself that she would gladly share her life with you... just thought you might like to know this."
A warm blush rose to the boy's cheeks, and Lu Xun hissed, his amber eyes darting about, "Thank you, but no more foolishness... Zhang He will be back any moment now, and it will NOT be good for you to be here..."
"Just though it make you feel better, I'm not teasing you about it!" Zhou Yu said with a smile, then left, for real this time.
Lu Xun was grateful for both the news and the departure, but in a way, he was more worried than ever. Now he had to pretend to still be grieving for a love that was not dead, to act hopeless when he had great hope. Swallowing, he petted the sickened horse of Lu Bei, whispering, "I just hope I don't disappoint them..."
The horse gave a weak sigh, giving him a short glance before going off to stare. At least he acknowledged him, Lu Xun thought with a small smile, before leaning against its warm, fuzzy side. When the horse wasn't bucking wild and acting like one possessed, he rather liked this creature.
Did that mean that he would overcome his fear of horses, and learn to ride and fight upon them with great skill? He laughed at himself, "Well... let's not hope for miracles..."
~*~*~*~
"Are we under attack?"
Zhao Yun wasn't surprised to see Lu Jun run ahead of his people, grabbing a spear from one of the soldiers and going to assault the incoming attacker. He couldn't believe how brash this man was, leaving him alone to protect the now frightened people. "Stay behind me; I won't let any harm come to you!"
They huddled together, as Zhao Yun held his spear at the ready, preparing to see forces running over the hill. Instead, he saw Lu Jun, and one man, whom he instantly recognized. It was Wei Yan!
"Lu Jun, fall back! It's an ally!" Zhao Yun shouted, only to be ignored. The two men did not listen to him, even though Pang Tong had given the same order. Now they could see Sun Ce and Lu Meng arrive, watching the fight that broke out between the two men. "Lu Jun, it's Wei Yan; he's loyal to Shu!"
Rather Lu Jun cared or not, he wasn't sure, and their weapons locked, each refusing to back down first. Wei Yan spat, looking into Lu Jun's red-brimmed eyes. "Who... this?"
Laughing, Lu Jun found it hard to overpower this man, despite his odd features. He replied, digging his feet into the ground, hoping to get leverage, but he feared and welcomed the fact that he might have met his match. "I am Lord Lu Jun of Wujun, nephew of Lu Kang! And who are you, masked freak?"
"Wei Yan... of... Shu!"
Somehow, their hold was broken, and they seemed to have been on the same wavelength as they both went for a punch. Sun Ce burst out laughing when they decked each other in the jaw, and, taking the opportunity, Zhao Yun, Lu Meng, and Pang Tong quickly intervened. "Let them fight! They seem to be enjoying themselves!"
Lu Meng looked to his lord, as Lu Jun finally gave up his fight, brushing them off and looking to Wei Yan and spatting. "You mean to tell me that this freak is our ally? Where did you pick him up?"
"Kill!"
Wei Yan would have struck, but Pang Tong made it his duty to make sure he wouldn't lift his weapon, slamming his foot down on the hilt and placing his staff at his officer's chest. Wei Yan looked to him, but remained silent, knowing better than to question the hooded man. Still, though, he sent the man clad in red armor a deadly look, though it was unseen through his mask.
Finally, peace seemed to be restored among the two fractions, and the people watched curiously as their lord now noticed Sun Ce. His eyes narrowed, giving him an almost deathly look, as he now acknowledge the current Wu ruler. "At last, Lord Sun Ce is old enough to run his own country; last time I saw you, you were no bigger than my son at his current age!"
"And you have not changed at all..." Sun Ce countered, doing nothing to ease the tension between the two. "You are still the stubborn and willful warrior that my father once knew and that I am seeing now."
"Times change, but sometimes people won't."
Feeling enough was enough, Lu Meng spoke between the two. "Sir, if I'm not mistaken, I believe that there is a need for an explanation for all of this..."
Sighing mentally, Sun Ce nodded, now addressing Lu Jun in a more respectable manner, though the man returned no such thing. "Lord Lu Jun, why have you brought your people out of their village; was it under attack?"
"What do you think?" Lu Jun turned to his tired people, his voice softening. "Lord Cao Cao attacked, and he used a very powerful weapon against us."
Zhao Yun finished the report, giving a polite bow to Pang Tong and the still irritated Wei Yan. "They are holding Lu Xun captive within the walls of Wujun, and they now have gained control of their army and supplies. Da Qiao is seriously injured, and Zhou Yu will be joining us shortly."
Hearing the words 'Da Qiao' and 'injured' in the same sentence, Sun Ce's eyes lit up, and he was upon Lu Jun in an instant, his eyes flaring with rage. "You allowed a woman to be injured in battle?!"
"She saved my people, and I am in her debt as it is, sir," Lu Jun said with a gruff, pushing him away gently. He could see what was the cause of those eyes, and it was love. He sighed, "She's fine, but she needs to be looked at by a better medical staff."
Putting aside their differences, Sun Ce then demanded, "Where is she?"
"She's resting amongst the villagers... we need to get to a village quickly, though..."
"Then let's waste no time!" Sun Ce announced, mounting his horse once again. He looked to Lu Jun, keeping his voice settled. "The closest city with within a day's march; it's on Shu territory, but I am sure that they will allow us passage?"
Without hesitation, Pang Tong justified that fact with a nod. "Yes, and while we're there, perhaps we can catch up on the situation we have here. I'm not liking the way things are shaping here... no news from Lord Liu Bei, and Lu Xun in Wei hands."
"We'll have to worry about that later I'm afraid," Zhao Yun looked towards the sun as it reached its midday mark. He worried now about Zhou Yu, but he had faith in him. "Hopefully Zhou Yun will be able to give us more details when he returns. Let us go..."
So, the marching continued, with Sun Ce and Zhao Yun at the lead. Wei Yan kept his distance from the lord of Wujun, keeping an ever-watchful eye upon him as he tried to aid his people, to keep their morale and hopes high.
It was Pang Tong who spoke to him, his voice muffled under the clothing he wore to cover his face. "Do not be bothered by him, Wei Yan... he is a man with odd intentions, much like yourself."
"No... like... Wu... officers..." Wei Yan growled and spat, but kept his voice respectable. "No... like... that... one... more."
"Then perhaps you do not like looking at yourself in the mirror..."
And, almost as true as it sounded, they ended their discussion there, keeping their eyes open for enemies as well as fellow allies. And the entire trip, Pang Tong was scheming, trying to make sense of the entire situation. He knew he had to wait for Zhou Yu to arrive, but still, thinking ahead never failed.