After what seemed like years of walking to the travelers they finally reached the gates of the great salt mines. They mines were filled with salt and guarded by wooden and cement gates all around.
"The gates, of the salt mines," said Gapli like it was some big deal.
"Shut the hell up," said Mikey. Mikey then slapped Gapli again. Harrygalf went up to investigate the gate to the mine. He brushed away some salt and dirt from a sign hanging on the gates. He then read aloud to the group.
"It reads: The City Salt Mines. NO TRESPASSING," said Harrygalf.
"What do you suppose that means?" asked Mikey.
"It means we can't go in without getting in trouble you dumbass," Harrygalf snapped. Gapli then slapped Mikey. Mikey went off crying.
"Wow, now I know why you do it to me so much," said Gapli. Harrygalf sat and thought about how to get in without getting in trouble. The grass in the yard next to them started moving strangely.
"I know how to get in without getting in trouble!" Finny suddenly said. Finny then went up with a permanent marker and scribbled out the word NO.
"That may work," said Harrygalf. They then went into the mines. There was great hills of salt towering above them. Salt was everywhere. The ground was hard cement. Hardened rocks of salt would lay all over the mines.
"Soon Mikey, you'll enjoy the hospitality of the mines. Salt, salt, and more salt towering above you!" said Gapli excited.
"This isn't a mine, it's a storage bin," said Mikey, "not get out of here get out!"
Suddenly Finny was dragged back. For a hose with too much water pressure was whipping. It ensnared Finny was whipping him about. The party quickly ran outside to see Finny being caught by the hose. Sam beat it with his golf club. Mikey did a slash with his hockey stick. Gapli was still investigating the mines.
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Harrygalf came running and smacked the hose off Finny. Everyone then ran into the mines to try and avoid the hose. The hose then chased them as they dove into the mines, and smacked the gate shut. Suddenly a click was heard and the gate was locked.
"We have now but one choice. We must face the long salt of the mines. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than salt in the storage bins of the city," said Harrygalf. They started trudging through the salt mines. After going over hurdles of salt and climbing up salty stairs they came to a room. As they approached it was full of cats. The cats hissed and snarled at the party. Suddenly a figure appeared and threw a cat at Finny. Finny through it off. The party started fighting the cats. They would beat down the cats with their weapons. Harrygalf blasted back the figure with a beam from his remote, causing the cats to follow him. The figure gave a yelp and disappeared into the salty darkness.
"Who was that?" asked Finny.
"It was Nick. He has been following us for 3 hours," said Harrygalf.
"Nick," said Finny shocked.
"He hates and loves the ring. Just as he hates and loves himself. He will never be over his greed for it. For he thinks that he found it in the street it is now his. Nick never really has any fancy jewelry around his house. He probably thinks he could sell it for a great deal of money," said Harrygalf.
"It's a pity Nick didn't stay home," said Finny.
"Yeah it is but what the hell are you gonna do?" asked Harrygalf. Harrygalf and the party then continued when suddenly they came to a great room with pillars of salt on each side.
"We have now reached the great salt storage bin," said Harrygalf. The whole party looked at it surprised.
"Well that's an eye opener at no expense," said Sam. Suddenly Gapli noticed something. He started running for a small opening in the salt.
"Gapli!" yelled Harrygalf. Gapli ignored him and kept running. There was a dead cat lying in the middle of a small room. Gapli bent down and started crying because he was a huge softy towards animals.
"It looks like one of Nick's cats didn't make it. Oh well," said Harrygalf. He then noticed a diary in the corner. For it was a Viking's diary, the name was not given.
"There are too many Packers. We cannot get out. They are tackling us, throwing footballs at us. The salt is too high. The bodies of the Vikings and fans were buried there. They are coming. We cannot get out," Harrygalf read, "they are coming then."
Suddenly Mikey slapped Gapli causing an echo of the slap to spread throughout the salt mines. Gapli then started screaming causing more echoes to spread throughout the mines. Harrygalf then looked at them both.
"You stupid idiots! You made too much fricken noise! Why don't you two go and throw yourself into the salt and rid us of your immaturity?" bitched Harrygalf. Suddenly there was sound. It sounded like many football players going out of the locker. Suddenly Finny smelled the air.
"Rotten cheese!" said Finny scared.
"Orcs!" yelled Sam. The party all went back and drew their weapons. Mikey went to investigate but was driven back as footballs came hurling. He saw something and then ran back.
"They have a Hal Troll," said Mikey. Suddenly through the small crack in the salt, hoards of Packer fans came bursting through. Harrygalf shot a beam out of his remote which sent two Packer fans flying back. Finny, Sam, Mikey, and Gapli all charged. Finny beat one orc's head in. Sam smacked orcs left and right. Mikey was chopping orcs down.
Suddenly a massive figure came through and burst through the salt. Salt flew all over. The figure was the Hal Troll. He stood massive above everyone else. He was wearing a Packer jersey with pads. In his hand he held a baseball bat with footballs tied around it. Harrygalf noticed the Hal Troll and shot his shoulder with a beam from his remote. The Hal Troll yelled in pain. He then tried to smash Sam with his club. Sam quickly ran underneath him and the Hal Troll's club hit the concrete. The party kept fighting all the orcs while trying not to get slaughtered by the Hal Troll at the same time.
The Hal Troll suddenly went over to Gapli who was fighting some orcs. The Hal Troll swung and missed Gapli but hit an orc, sending them flying back. He did it again and killed another orc. Then the Hal Troll went to beat Gapli with his club but Harrygalf shot a beam at the Hal Troll. Gapli then beat an orc with his croquet mallet.
The Hal Troll then saw little Finny in the corner alone. Finny got scared like the wimp he is and quickly ran behind some salt. The Hal Troll looked behind the salt but Finny was wedged into a corner. Finny then maneuvered to another area so the Hal Troll wouldn't see him. Then as Finny was once again maneuvering, the Hal Troll screamed in his face. He grabbed Finny's leg and started pulling him towards him. Finny smacked the Hal Troll's hand with his bat, causing it to bruise. This angered the Hal Troll. He reached behind him and took out a shotgun. He shot Finny once right in the chest. He shot again and hit Finny in the same area. Then he shot a third time and Finny fell. Finny laid lifeless.
The whole party was shocked. For Finny, the only one who could bear the ring, appeared dead. They then fought their hardest and slayed the rest of the orcs. The Hal Troll was the only one left. Mikey would jump on his back and start beating his spine with his hockey stick. Harrygalf tried shooting beams. The Hal Troll threw them away. Gapli then went up to the Hal Troll. The Hal Troll lifted his club to smash Gapli but Gapli quickly swung his croquet mallet and hit him in the nuts. The Hal Troll dropped his club in pain and grabbed his nuts. He then fell with pain and smacked his head on a salt rock, killing him almost instantly. For now the Hal Troll was defeated. But the party had other problems.
They approached Finny to see if he was ok. Sam slowly turned Finny over and Finny got up! For Finny was still alive.
"I'm all right. I'm not hurt," said Finny.
"You should be dead. Wow you're tougher than I thought!" said Sam.
"I think there's more to this gay, then meets the eye," said Harrygalf. Finny then rolled down his shirt to show the bullet proof vest.
"A bullet proof vest. You're full of surprises Mr. Baggins," said Gapli. Suddenly there was a great stench of cheese in the air and shadows of Packer fans all over the wall.
"To the railroad tracks!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party left the room and bolted for the tracks. For suddenly a mass of orcs followed them. They chased them flailing their arms in hopes to kill the party. Suddenly the mass caught up with them. The party was surrounded by all the Packer fans in the mines. They hissed and yelled and pointed at the small party. The party got ready to fight when suddenly there was a grumble. It sounded like an enraged woman. This scared the orcs and they all ran back to their hiding places in the salt. There was a red light in the distance of the salt and an more grumbles.
"What is this new devilry?" asked Mikey.
"A Melrog. A woman of incredible rage. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The party didn't need to be told twice. They then bolted towards the railroad tracks. On their way there an object suddenly bolted out of nowhere, just missing Finny. For it was an arrow stuck in the ground. On top of a great salt hill stood the two orcs, Joe and Horse.
"Ha I told ya we'd be back!" said Joe.
"Yeah!" said Horse, agreeing with Joe.
"Now we're gonna kill all of you. Because we're the Gods of accuracy. We live for accuracy. Accuracy is our life! We are the greatest accuracy people in the whole world!" said Joe.
"Yeah!" said Horse again. The whole party looked annoyed. They started walking casually away.
"Hey stop! That's it, I'm gonnna kill you!" said Joe. Joe took the bow he held in his hand and notched and arrow. He then did it orc style by slumping and fired the arrow. It smacked the ground and bounced back, hitting Joe in the forehead. But since Joe's head was slanted, the arrow just slid right down.
"Joey let me try!" said Horse.
"You just told me what to do again," said Joe.
"But Joey you can't hit them!" yelled Horse.
"Fine! Lets see you do better!" yelled Joe. He suddenly threw the bow at Horse. It hit Horse lightly and he fell. Horse screamed like he was dying off of a little cut. Horse then notched and arrow and put his thumb and forefinger over the notch and tried to pull back. It went about two inches back and the arrow flew off the string about a millimeter in front of Horse and fell to the ground.
"Horse you suck! Let a true master of accuracy show you how it's done," said Joe taking the bow. Joe then shot another arrow and this time it went through the air. It missed the party horribly though. Instead it went in the distance and a yell came from Lord Alrond.
"Joey you shot Lord Alrond! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Horse. Horse then laughed because Horse laughs at anything and everything. This sent sonic sound waves which caved in the salt pile the two orcs were standing on. They fell through.
"We'll be back!" yelled Joe.
"Well that was pointless," said Harrygalf. Suddenly a grumble came again and a flash of red light.
"Oh crap I forgot! Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party ran and finally reached the railroad tracks. They all crossed except for Harrygalf who was last. He came on the tracks and just got across when suddenly a giant demonic woman came out. The Melrog emerged. She was obviously angry about something very minor to normal people.
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf.
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Suddenly the Melrog increased her rage and set flames all around her. She then drew a butcher knive that was flaming and lifted it to smite Harrygalf.
"I have more rage than you! Let me show you!" yelled Harrygalf. Harrygalf then shot flames out at the knife came down. It then shattered against Harrygalf's flames. The Melrog then started onto the tracks.
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf. He beat his staff against the ground and a light suddenly flooded everything. For the light did not die. The Melrog started towards Harrygalf and the company when suddenly a train came smacked the Melrog. The Melrog then was carried off by the train and never seen again. Harrygalf then noticed a used TV sale across the street. He went and stared mindlessly at them. For Finny and the company knew what that meant. Harrygalf would stare at the same thing for hours on end. Finny and company then exited the mines and started crying because they were all wimps. Then Finny stopped crying and rose the party up.
"Get up you fools!" yelled Finny.
"Give us a moment for pity's sake!" yelled Mikey.
"By nightfall these fields will be swarming with orcs. We must reach Kwik Trip (a gas station)," said Finny. Then the four left Harrygalf staring at the TV's and started towards Kwik Trip.
"The gates, of the salt mines," said Gapli like it was some big deal.
"Shut the hell up," said Mikey. Mikey then slapped Gapli again. Harrygalf went up to investigate the gate to the mine. He brushed away some salt and dirt from a sign hanging on the gates. He then read aloud to the group.
"It reads: The City Salt Mines. NO TRESPASSING," said Harrygalf.
"What do you suppose that means?" asked Mikey.
"It means we can't go in without getting in trouble you dumbass," Harrygalf snapped. Gapli then slapped Mikey. Mikey went off crying.
"Wow, now I know why you do it to me so much," said Gapli. Harrygalf sat and thought about how to get in without getting in trouble. The grass in the yard next to them started moving strangely.
"I know how to get in without getting in trouble!" Finny suddenly said. Finny then went up with a permanent marker and scribbled out the word NO.
"That may work," said Harrygalf. They then went into the mines. There was great hills of salt towering above them. Salt was everywhere. The ground was hard cement. Hardened rocks of salt would lay all over the mines.
"Soon Mikey, you'll enjoy the hospitality of the mines. Salt, salt, and more salt towering above you!" said Gapli excited.
"This isn't a mine, it's a storage bin," said Mikey, "not get out of here get out!"
Suddenly Finny was dragged back. For a hose with too much water pressure was whipping. It ensnared Finny was whipping him about. The party quickly ran outside to see Finny being caught by the hose. Sam beat it with his golf club. Mikey did a slash with his hockey stick. Gapli was still investigating the mines.
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Harrygalf came running and smacked the hose off Finny. Everyone then ran into the mines to try and avoid the hose. The hose then chased them as they dove into the mines, and smacked the gate shut. Suddenly a click was heard and the gate was locked.
"We have now but one choice. We must face the long salt of the mines. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than salt in the storage bins of the city," said Harrygalf. They started trudging through the salt mines. After going over hurdles of salt and climbing up salty stairs they came to a room. As they approached it was full of cats. The cats hissed and snarled at the party. Suddenly a figure appeared and threw a cat at Finny. Finny through it off. The party started fighting the cats. They would beat down the cats with their weapons. Harrygalf blasted back the figure with a beam from his remote, causing the cats to follow him. The figure gave a yelp and disappeared into the salty darkness.
"Who was that?" asked Finny.
"It was Nick. He has been following us for 3 hours," said Harrygalf.
"Nick," said Finny shocked.
"He hates and loves the ring. Just as he hates and loves himself. He will never be over his greed for it. For he thinks that he found it in the street it is now his. Nick never really has any fancy jewelry around his house. He probably thinks he could sell it for a great deal of money," said Harrygalf.
"It's a pity Nick didn't stay home," said Finny.
"Yeah it is but what the hell are you gonna do?" asked Harrygalf. Harrygalf and the party then continued when suddenly they came to a great room with pillars of salt on each side.
"We have now reached the great salt storage bin," said Harrygalf. The whole party looked at it surprised.
"Well that's an eye opener at no expense," said Sam. Suddenly Gapli noticed something. He started running for a small opening in the salt.
"Gapli!" yelled Harrygalf. Gapli ignored him and kept running. There was a dead cat lying in the middle of a small room. Gapli bent down and started crying because he was a huge softy towards animals.
"It looks like one of Nick's cats didn't make it. Oh well," said Harrygalf. He then noticed a diary in the corner. For it was a Viking's diary, the name was not given.
"There are too many Packers. We cannot get out. They are tackling us, throwing footballs at us. The salt is too high. The bodies of the Vikings and fans were buried there. They are coming. We cannot get out," Harrygalf read, "they are coming then."
Suddenly Mikey slapped Gapli causing an echo of the slap to spread throughout the salt mines. Gapli then started screaming causing more echoes to spread throughout the mines. Harrygalf then looked at them both.
"You stupid idiots! You made too much fricken noise! Why don't you two go and throw yourself into the salt and rid us of your immaturity?" bitched Harrygalf. Suddenly there was sound. It sounded like many football players going out of the locker. Suddenly Finny smelled the air.
"Rotten cheese!" said Finny scared.
"Orcs!" yelled Sam. The party all went back and drew their weapons. Mikey went to investigate but was driven back as footballs came hurling. He saw something and then ran back.
"They have a Hal Troll," said Mikey. Suddenly through the small crack in the salt, hoards of Packer fans came bursting through. Harrygalf shot a beam out of his remote which sent two Packer fans flying back. Finny, Sam, Mikey, and Gapli all charged. Finny beat one orc's head in. Sam smacked orcs left and right. Mikey was chopping orcs down.
Suddenly a massive figure came through and burst through the salt. Salt flew all over. The figure was the Hal Troll. He stood massive above everyone else. He was wearing a Packer jersey with pads. In his hand he held a baseball bat with footballs tied around it. Harrygalf noticed the Hal Troll and shot his shoulder with a beam from his remote. The Hal Troll yelled in pain. He then tried to smash Sam with his club. Sam quickly ran underneath him and the Hal Troll's club hit the concrete. The party kept fighting all the orcs while trying not to get slaughtered by the Hal Troll at the same time.
The Hal Troll suddenly went over to Gapli who was fighting some orcs. The Hal Troll swung and missed Gapli but hit an orc, sending them flying back. He did it again and killed another orc. Then the Hal Troll went to beat Gapli with his club but Harrygalf shot a beam at the Hal Troll. Gapli then beat an orc with his croquet mallet.
The Hal Troll then saw little Finny in the corner alone. Finny got scared like the wimp he is and quickly ran behind some salt. The Hal Troll looked behind the salt but Finny was wedged into a corner. Finny then maneuvered to another area so the Hal Troll wouldn't see him. Then as Finny was once again maneuvering, the Hal Troll screamed in his face. He grabbed Finny's leg and started pulling him towards him. Finny smacked the Hal Troll's hand with his bat, causing it to bruise. This angered the Hal Troll. He reached behind him and took out a shotgun. He shot Finny once right in the chest. He shot again and hit Finny in the same area. Then he shot a third time and Finny fell. Finny laid lifeless.
The whole party was shocked. For Finny, the only one who could bear the ring, appeared dead. They then fought their hardest and slayed the rest of the orcs. The Hal Troll was the only one left. Mikey would jump on his back and start beating his spine with his hockey stick. Harrygalf tried shooting beams. The Hal Troll threw them away. Gapli then went up to the Hal Troll. The Hal Troll lifted his club to smash Gapli but Gapli quickly swung his croquet mallet and hit him in the nuts. The Hal Troll dropped his club in pain and grabbed his nuts. He then fell with pain and smacked his head on a salt rock, killing him almost instantly. For now the Hal Troll was defeated. But the party had other problems.
They approached Finny to see if he was ok. Sam slowly turned Finny over and Finny got up! For Finny was still alive.
"I'm all right. I'm not hurt," said Finny.
"You should be dead. Wow you're tougher than I thought!" said Sam.
"I think there's more to this gay, then meets the eye," said Harrygalf. Finny then rolled down his shirt to show the bullet proof vest.
"A bullet proof vest. You're full of surprises Mr. Baggins," said Gapli. Suddenly there was a great stench of cheese in the air and shadows of Packer fans all over the wall.
"To the railroad tracks!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party left the room and bolted for the tracks. For suddenly a mass of orcs followed them. They chased them flailing their arms in hopes to kill the party. Suddenly the mass caught up with them. The party was surrounded by all the Packer fans in the mines. They hissed and yelled and pointed at the small party. The party got ready to fight when suddenly there was a grumble. It sounded like an enraged woman. This scared the orcs and they all ran back to their hiding places in the salt. There was a red light in the distance of the salt and an more grumbles.
"What is this new devilry?" asked Mikey.
"A Melrog. A woman of incredible rage. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The party didn't need to be told twice. They then bolted towards the railroad tracks. On their way there an object suddenly bolted out of nowhere, just missing Finny. For it was an arrow stuck in the ground. On top of a great salt hill stood the two orcs, Joe and Horse.
"Ha I told ya we'd be back!" said Joe.
"Yeah!" said Horse, agreeing with Joe.
"Now we're gonna kill all of you. Because we're the Gods of accuracy. We live for accuracy. Accuracy is our life! We are the greatest accuracy people in the whole world!" said Joe.
"Yeah!" said Horse again. The whole party looked annoyed. They started walking casually away.
"Hey stop! That's it, I'm gonnna kill you!" said Joe. Joe took the bow he held in his hand and notched and arrow. He then did it orc style by slumping and fired the arrow. It smacked the ground and bounced back, hitting Joe in the forehead. But since Joe's head was slanted, the arrow just slid right down.
"Joey let me try!" said Horse.
"You just told me what to do again," said Joe.
"But Joey you can't hit them!" yelled Horse.
"Fine! Lets see you do better!" yelled Joe. He suddenly threw the bow at Horse. It hit Horse lightly and he fell. Horse screamed like he was dying off of a little cut. Horse then notched and arrow and put his thumb and forefinger over the notch and tried to pull back. It went about two inches back and the arrow flew off the string about a millimeter in front of Horse and fell to the ground.
"Horse you suck! Let a true master of accuracy show you how it's done," said Joe taking the bow. Joe then shot another arrow and this time it went through the air. It missed the party horribly though. Instead it went in the distance and a yell came from Lord Alrond.
"Joey you shot Lord Alrond! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Horse. Horse then laughed because Horse laughs at anything and everything. This sent sonic sound waves which caved in the salt pile the two orcs were standing on. They fell through.
"We'll be back!" yelled Joe.
"Well that was pointless," said Harrygalf. Suddenly a grumble came again and a flash of red light.
"Oh crap I forgot! Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party ran and finally reached the railroad tracks. They all crossed except for Harrygalf who was last. He came on the tracks and just got across when suddenly a giant demonic woman came out. The Melrog emerged. She was obviously angry about something very minor to normal people.
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf.
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Suddenly the Melrog increased her rage and set flames all around her. She then drew a butcher knive that was flaming and lifted it to smite Harrygalf.
"I have more rage than you! Let me show you!" yelled Harrygalf. Harrygalf then shot flames out at the knife came down. It then shattered against Harrygalf's flames. The Melrog then started onto the tracks.
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf. He beat his staff against the ground and a light suddenly flooded everything. For the light did not die. The Melrog started towards Harrygalf and the company when suddenly a train came smacked the Melrog. The Melrog then was carried off by the train and never seen again. Harrygalf then noticed a used TV sale across the street. He went and stared mindlessly at them. For Finny and the company knew what that meant. Harrygalf would stare at the same thing for hours on end. Finny and company then exited the mines and started crying because they were all wimps. Then Finny stopped crying and rose the party up.
"Get up you fools!" yelled Finny.
"Give us a moment for pity's sake!" yelled Mikey.
"By nightfall these fields will be swarming with orcs. We must reach Kwik Trip (a gas station)," said Finny. Then the four left Harrygalf staring at the TV's and started towards Kwik Trip.