Maria's shock soon dissolved into hesitation as she stared at the Captain. It had been weeks since she had seen the family she had grown to love. She had thought that time would numb whatever emotions she had felt when she was with them, but she was wrong. Her love for the children overcame her, and she clutched little Marta and Gretl tighter to her to hide her sudden tears. Unable to meet the deep stare of their father any longer as he stood near them, she closed her eyes against Gretl's head, trying to calm her breathing.
"Why did you leave us?" she heard Brigitta ask again.
Maria looked up at her and met the same intense stare of the Captain reflected on the girl's face. She opened her mouth to try to answer, but found herself completely powerless to do so. How could she explain herself right then? How could she tell them that the reason she left them all so quickly was standing before them, watching her intently? She felt her breath catch in her throat.
"I'm sorry, children," she managed at last. "I just couldn't stay."
"But why?" Brigitta persisted, but Liesl walked up behind her and touched her sister's shoulder.
"Not now, Brigitta," she said, looking at Maria curiously.
Maria looked up at the Captain again. She felt her insides melt as their eyes met. He offered a small, half-smile, but all she could do in return was stare back at him with a look of uncertainty. Just as the love she felt for the children returned stronger than before at the sight of them, the emotions she felt for him surged through her. Her throat tightened, and a strong rush of heat seemed to overcome her. She inhaled sharply, trying to cool herself.
"We're seeking shelter from the thunderstorm," he stated simply. "We didn't mean to startle you."
She shook her head. "Not at all," she said, smiling at last. Peeling the little ones off of her, she rose slowly, noting how both Marta and Gretl attached themselves to her waist once she was standing. She wrapped her arms around them. "I wish I had known that you were here. I would have come down sooner."
"I thought you were in seclusion," Louisa finally spoke up, a mixture of resentment and expectation in her tone. "They said you didn't want to see anyone."
Maria felt her mouth drop open. "How did you know I was…" she trailed as she saw Friedrich and Liesl turn to glower at Louisa.
The blonde wasn't affected by the glare of her siblings. "We went to see you," she said. "You wouldn't come."
Maria sighed. "I didn't know you were here."
"Didn't they tell you?"
"Louisa," the Captain said and she glared at him. They stared at each other for a moment before Louisa scowled and fell silent, choosing to look around the courtyard.
Maria watched the enigmatic girl retreat inwardly and sighed in sadness. She had never been able to truly reach Louisa; she had regretted that, among other things, when she had left so suddenly those few long weeks before.
She returned her attention to the rest of the children surrounding her. They all mirrored their sister's look of expectancy; they wanted a reason for her leaving them with nothing more than a letter. She looked up at the Captain. He, too, was watching her, but his expression didn't seem to want to hear an explanation; he seemed to want to give one.
A movement behind him caught her eye, and she looked past him. He turned and saw Sisters Margaretta and Berthe walking towards them.
"I see our guests have found you, Maria," Sister Margaretta said and gestured to the children surrounding the postulant.
Maria nodded and smiled at Marta and Gretl. "Yes," she said squeezing them closer to her.
"I hope the reunion is a happy one," Margaretta said and glanced between Maria and the Captain.
Maria felt her cheeks redden as the Captain turned to look at her again.
"We were escorting the family to their rooms," Margaretta explained, "but I don't believe they're tired anymore."
The little ones hugged Maria tighter. Sister Berthe watched the scene before them and smiled. The look on Maria's face as she glanced at the children struck the nun, and she turned to her companion.
"Perhaps we could come back in a few more minutes?"
Maria's mouth dropped open in protest, but no words came out. She watched as Sisters Margaretta and Berthe left her alone with the family. A wave of nervousness came over her, and she felt the urge to run after the nuns. She even started to take a step to follow them, but Marta's embrace around her waist tightened, and she looked down to see the little girl staring up at her with a strong, almost pleading, look in her eyes.
"You won't leave us again, will you?" Marta whispered.
The Captain chose that moment to walk even closer to them. Maria wasn't sure if it was his footsteps or the actual storm that was causing the thundering in her ears as she forced herself to look at him. He stared at her with unblinking eyes and his lips curving slightly.
"Marta," he said lowly, his eyes not leaving Maria's as he spoke, "you know that this is Fräulein Maria's home."
Maria looked down, somehow embarrassed to have the family see her there, dressed in a postulant's attire, in a place that she had called home for so long. She never thought that her two lives would ever collide.
Suddenly, the stone floor and tall spires of the Abbey felt less like home than her uncle's farm, and she deeply wanted to be back at the villa with the family, laughing and enjoying the warmth that only they had been able to bring her. Surprised by the unpleasant wave of homesickness, she absently rubbed her hands against her black dress.
"We're only staying for the night," the Captain explained. She whipped her head and anxiety filled her.
"Just the night?" she finally found her voice again as she stared at him.
"We weren't even meant to come here," Liesl spoke up, mystified by the non-verbal exchange between her father and Fräulein Maria.
"We only came because it's raining," Kurt said, looking over at Louisa, who had remained rooted to her spot, staring at their governess.
Maria shook her head. "But why were you even near the Abbey at this hour?"
The Captain stared at her. "We're leaving," he said.
Maria knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "Leaving?"
The Captain reached down and pulled Gretl into his arms. Absently rubbing her braided hair, he sighed. "The Anschluss. We can't stay here with the Nazis in Austria."
Maria nodded, their eyes locked with each others. Her breath caught at the anger she saw in his face, and she desperately wanted to reach out and offer some sort of comfort to him.
"They want me to join their Navy," he continued.
"No!" Maria exclaimed, raw energy jolting through her. "You can't!"
He hugged Gretl closer to him. "That's why we're leaving like this: in secret," he said. "To join them is unthinkable, but to refuse them would be…"
The unfinished thought hung in the air, and everyone stood in a sober silence.
Before she could stop herself, Maria asked, "What about the Baroness?"
The Captain snapped out of his thoughts and stared at her. "Why would you.." he barely whispered, but Friedrich, not hearing his father, spoke up.
"She left," he announced.
Maria looked at the boy, surprised. "Left?" She did not dare look at the Captain.
Brigitta nodded. "Yes," she said. "She left a few days after the ball."
"But I thought…" Maria started and glanced around the group. When her eyes landed on the Captain again, she stopped and they gazed at each other, each searching the other for an answer.
"Why would you think the Baroness would be here?" the Captain finished his question.
Maria shook her head, completely confused. "Weren't you going to…"
"She doesn't hate the Nazis like Father does," a voice answered. The group looked over to see Louisa standing a littler closer than she had been before, her face starting to soften as she watched Maria. "And she missed the city."
Maria looked down, anxiety washing over her again. More confused than ever, she was unable to look at him. She knew that her feelings were now plain to everyone. Totally mortified, she kept her gaze firmly planted on the ground. A loud crash of thunder caused all of them to jump. Marta hugged Maria tighter, and she heard Gretl yelp in fright.
"Shhh, it's alright, Gretl," Maria heard the Captain say lowly to his child, and her heart swelled with an intense feeling at the sound of his soothing voice. She hugged Marta closer.
Footsteps approaching spared her from any further explanation, and she looked up to see Sisters Margaretta and Berthe return.
The Captain, peeling his face from studying Maria, walked over to meet them. "I think the children should go to bed," he said to Sister Margaretta.
The woman nodded and glanced over at Maria. She immediately saw the other's agitated demeanor and resisted the urge to walk over and comfort her. She noted how the children reacted to their governess and vice versa; they seemed to be drawing strength from each other.
"This way," Margaretta said and led them across the courtyard.
Maria followed, careful to stay behind the group and out of the Captain's line of vision. She gazed down at her hands, and saw that they were shaking. She tried to calm her breathing, but she knew it was too late.
He knew.
He knew why she had left, and he knew why she couldn't look at him now. She truly felt pathetic, falling in love with a man she could never have, who could never return her feelings. Bitterness swept through her. She knew that she wasn't meant to be a permanent part of this family, and she had left the villa to obey that realization. But she couldn't shake the strong pull she felt to them. As she walked behind them, she realized that she felt more at home and at peace right then than she had since her return to the Abbey.
The wave of homesickness came upon her again, disturbing her. She wasn't supposed to feel homesick at home. She was supposed to feel comforted and happy. But she didn't. There was only an emptiness that left her feeling completely confused.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she didn't even bother to wipe them away. Why had they come to the Abbey? Why did she have to go through such a test? She looked heavenward, desperate for both an escape from her emotions and the need to stay close to them, to him.
"Do you need this?" a voice asked beside her. Startled, she looked over to see Louisa handing her a cloth.
No, it wasn't just a cloth; it was a kerchief. Made from a set of drapes.
Maria choked back a sudden sob and tried to smile at the girl.
"We missed you," Louisa said simply as Maria took the kerchief to wipe her eyes.
The pair fell further behind the rest of the group, and Louisa stared at Maria.
"I missed you, too," Maria replied. "If I had known you had come to visit me, I would have seen you."
The girl looked assured. "I believe you would have."
The two walked side by side, and Maria felt some of her burden lesson as she noted the trust return to Louisa's eyes. Silently, they followed the group to their designated sleeping quarters.
To be continued…