The sky was slowly turning into a sharp blue as the sun rose from behind the Alps. The storms of the previous night had moved on, leaving crisp, cool air.
As the bells rang for morning prayers, Georg stood by the window of his small bedroom. It was time he wake the children and prepare them for their departure. They had lost a considerable amount of time due to the storms. Gritting his teeth, he prayed that the Nazis hadn't figured out that they had abandoned the villa yet, and that he and his children could still leave the city undetected.
A chorus of female voices sang in the distance as the nuns made their way to Mass. Georg frowned, wondering if Maria was with them. Somehow the image of her quietly walking with everyone else, simply another face in a crowd, didn't seem right to him. She was born to stick out.
Georg shook his head. He mustn't think of Maria anymore; she wasn't meant to be part of his life. As predicted, he hadn't gotten any sleep that night. Each time he came remotely close to sleep, the image of Maria's eyes, bright with love and life, came to his mind's eye, and he was instantly alert.
As much as he tried, he couldn't convince himself that this was truly the end. The thought that he would never see her again seemed incomprehensible to him. Yet, it was true; he and the children would be leaving, and Maria would stay. He wasn't even sure if they would see her at all this morning.
He found the thought of not even seeing her one last time unbearable. For no other reason, he wanted to apologize for his actions towards her the night before. He must have terrified her; he was scared himself.
Why couldn't this be easy, like it had been with Agathe? Georg shook his head again. While his mind knew that a future with Maria was not possible, he wasn't sure if he could ever get his heart to agree.
There was a soft knock on the door.
"Father?" Liesl's voice asked on the other side. "Are you awake?"
Georg walked over to the door and opened it to see his three oldest children standing on the other side, all wearing identical masks of bravery. He could see, however, the fear in their eyes.
"Breakfast is ready," Friedrich told him.
"Are the others awake?" the Captain asked.
Liesl nodded. "They're in the dining room."
Louisa squinted her eyes as she looked at her father. "You're tired," she said.
He met her gaze. "I'll be fine," he told her.
She studied him a moment longer. "We're leaving forever, aren't we?"
He reached out and took her hands. "Yes, Louisa, forever," he said and offered a smile. "But we're together, and that's all that matters to me."
She looked like she wanted to say more, but chose not to. Instead, she nodded and the three children led their father to the dining room.
"Father!" Gretl called as she saw them. "Will Fräulein Maria come?"
"Gretl," Liesl said. "Eat your breakfast and don't pester Father."
"But she has to come!" the girl insisted, her chin trembling.
"She might come to say good-bye," Brigitta offered, looking sad.
"She has to come with us!" Gretl said.
"That's enough, Gretl," Liesl said, more gently this time as she walked over to her sister and knelt besides her. "You know that she's staying here. We talked about this earlier, remember?"
The child frowned but nodded. She picked up her spoon and pushed her breakfast around her plate.
"That might be the last meal you eat for some time, Gretl," Brigitta warned as she picked up a glass of milk.
"Yes," Louisa said, smirking. "You better eat it before Kurt gets to it."
Gretl's face paled, and she shoved a spoonful into her mouth.
Georg smiled at the repartee between his children and felt grateful that they could handle each other. Their attitude would help lesson the burden of their journey. He looked out the window.
"When do you want to leave, Father?" Friedrich asked.
Still gazing out the window, Georg was surprised at the first answer that had popped into his head: they weren't leaving until the family was complete. He looked down at the floor, desperate to push such pointless desires out of his system. If his children could do it, than so must he.
He looked over at his son. "In thirty minutes," he said. "So eat what you can without taking advantage of the sisters' generosity."
"It's no trouble, Captain," a voice said behind him. He turned to see Sister Margaretta walking in with another bottle of milk. "I trust you slept well, Captain."
Georg caught Louisa watching him. "You're very kind to offer us so much, Madame," he said.
The woman nodded and smiled at him. "Please eat," she said. "You have a long journey ahead of you."
"Will Fräulein Maria come see us?" Gretl asked.
"Gretl!" Kurt snapped, but the girl kept her fixed stare on Sister Magaretta.
"I'm sure she will come to say good-bye, dear," Margaretta answered before retreating into the kitchen.
Georg was still marveling at the thought that had entered his head just a few moments before. His family wasn't complete; he had known that for years. There was only one person who could complete it. Despite his earlier resolve to try to push such thoughts from his mind, he felt himself becoming energized by his sudden idea.
But he had to know. He had to truly believe that she was willing to put what had happened between them in the graveyard behind her, and that she could live without the feelings generated when they were together. He had to hear from her lips that she didn't want to go with them, with him.
He prayed that Gretl's wish to see Maria would be answered.
***
The altar of the small chapel was the first thing Maria saw as she rubbed the soreness from her neck. She sat up and was startled at her surroundings. She looked around, finding herself alone in the small chapel. Sunlight poured into the room, creating an entirely different mood from the night before. There were no shadows cast by lone candles, and the vivid colors of the Resurrection-themed triptych on the altar seemed to brighten her mood. The thickness of the humidity was replaced by fresh air, and she inhaled deeply.
Somehow, Maria felt rejuvenated with the change in climate, as if she was given a clean slate from which to start. The sun was bright, the birds were singing, and the bells were echoing in the hills.
Images from the night before flew to her head, and she absently touched her lips. Forgetting to feel ashamed at what she had done, she mentally relived the feeling of having the Captain's arms around her. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel his skin beneath her fingers again, and relished in how alive and excited she had felt as his mouth had covered hers, creating a sensation she had never experienced before. She had felt safe, happy, and totally at peace.
Maria's mouth dropped open, startled by the intense emotion that merely the memory of their embrace stirred within her. While it was just a dim reflection of the real passion they had shared, she wasn't prepared for how strongly it had affected her. Could she really live the rest of her life without ever feeling that way again? Was she prepared to have that experience become dimmer and dimmer as the years went on without him?
She touched her lips again, closing her eyes for a moment and tried to stop thinking about what had happened between them. However, she couldn't get the moment out of her head. When he had pushed her away and asked for her forgiveness, Maria wasn't sure which was more painful: the expression on his face or the fact that he had walked away from her. What was plaguing her was the decision of whether or not she had the right to consider accepting his offer.
He wanted her to go with him, but as what? Governess to his children? His mistress? She knew it was highly inappropriate for her to go with them; she knew that deep down, he knew it too. And yet, there was little doubt in her mind that he wanted her to be a part of his life, to make that social sacrifice, if only for a little while. He had seemed so adamant.
Despite her confusion, a smile formed on her face. Some of her doubts from the night before vanished as she reflected on what he hadn't said: he really did love her. The realization brought her a sense of peace. His actions the night before were out of sudden passion and desperation, on both their parts. She knew he would never again ask anything of her that she wasn't prepared to give him; he would be patient with her.
However, Maria couldn't remove the fact that it was too late. No matter how alive she had felt when she was with him, her sense of propriety told her that there was nothing she could do about it. The family was leaving that morning, and she was going to stay.
Thy will be done…
The words echoed in her head and she looked up at the altar again, her breath catching. She wanted more than anything for God to tell her straight forward what to do, because she had no idea for herself. The reason she had been sent to the villa was to bring the family closer together, and she had done that. She was not supposed to fall in love with her employer, nor he with her; that was not the will of God, she told herself. She exhaled in frustration, wishing desperately for an answer.
All her life, she had been so focused on joining the novitiate; to become, as Sister Berthe had called it, a daughter of Christ. The moment she had peeked over the wall and watched the sisters sing on their way to vespers, she had felt such a pull to the peaceful, pious life that she knew she could never experience with her own family. Even at that moment, as she heard the melodious sound of the Sisters making their way to lauds, she felt rested and relaxed at the simple life one could lead as a nun.
Her life had been a nightmare growing up, and it was only in the Abbey that she had truly experienced feeling accepted and loved, even if she didn't always follow their rules. A nun would never be scolded if she failed to clean the barnyard properly, nor would she be punished if she spoke out of turn. A nun was surrounded by the love of God, and God didn't exist on her uncle's farm. Maria had been blessed to stumble upon Nonnberg Abbey that fateful day, and she cherished the opportunity she had to become a part of their world.
It was the only world she had known acceptance, until they had sent her away to be governess to seven unruly children. A smile formed on her face as she thought about the family she had been sent to care for, and how much joy they had brought to her. Despite the shaky start to their tenure, she knew that she would always cherish their time together.
Maria continued to listen to the Sisters, and she vaguely realized that she should be with them. Suddenly, the thought of joining her fellow nuns and postulants felt like the last thing she wanted to do.
She felt as if she were in limbo, belonging to neither world. Part of her longed to recapture the excitement created when the Captain was with her, while the other told her that she belonged with the women on their way to worship. She was never meant to be a permanent part of the Von Trapps' lives. Sighing, she absently smoothed her dress, trying to calm herself. A clock chimed in the distance.
Maria froze. She was never going to see them again. In a matter of hours, maybe just minutes, they would drift away from her life, only to exist in her memory. The thought made her stomach drop. She had to see them again, at least say good-bye.
Maria jumped out of the pew. Running down the steps, she dashed off in the opposite direction as all the other nuns. The bell continued to chime, telling her the earliness of the hour. They couldn't have left yet; the children needed to eat. They had such a long, difficult journey ahead of them.
She ran into the dining room, only to find Sister Augusta clearing the table.
"Where are the von Trapps?" she asked, breathless.
The other looked up at her. "They left here a few minutes ago, Maria," she answered.
"No!" Maria exclaimed, running out the door. They couldn't have left. Not without saying good-bye.
She ran to the open courtyard, unnerved at how empty it was. Passing the water pump, her loud, frantic pacing echoing in the air, she ran faster towards the front gate.
Maria stopped suddenly as she saw the children huddled together next to the front door. Their heads turned simultaneously as they heard her rather ungraceful arrival.
"Fräulein Maria!" Gretl and Marta shouted, running over to her. Just as they had the night before, the girls collided with Maria. But this time, she was better prepared, and she knelt down, hugging them to her.
"We were afraid we wouldn't get a chance to say good-bye," Marta said, hugging her tighter.
"I couldn't let that happen," Maria said, her eyes watering. She looked up as the other children surrounded her. She stood and hugged all of the children in turn. "I wish this wasn't happening. But you're all so brave."
"We'll be alright," Friedrich told her, and she noted the maturity in the boy's face.
She nodded. "Yes, I believe you will be," she told him.
They heard footsteps approach them and turned to see the Captain walking towards them. He stopped when he saw Maria standing there in the midst of his children.
"I, uh," she stammered. "I wanted to see you all again before you left. To wish you luck and to offer my prayers."
He nodded, feeling a hesitant smile form on his face. Seeing her surrounded by his children only strengthened his resolve.
He walked closer to them, his eyes not leaving hers. "I'm glad you came, Fräulein," he said, glancing over at the children.
Noting the look in her father's eye, Liesl gestured to her siblings. "Let's let them say good-bye," she said, and they walked over to the gate, allowing the couple a moment of privacy.
"I do apologize for my actions last night, Maria," Georg started slowly.
She shook her head. "Please don't apologize," she said.
"The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you," he continued.
She smiled. "But you didn't. Not at all."
He looked over at his children, who were all staring at them with anticipation. Returning his gaze to Maria, he resisted the urge to take her hands in his.
"Captain, I—" she started, but felt her voice leave her as she caught the expression on his face. They stared at each other for a moment, wasting precious time and yet unable to let the moment go.
"I cannot accept that this is the end," he said finally. "I tried to convince myself that it was, but I can't get you out of my head. Or out of my heart. And I don't ever want to. You're too important to this family, to me. You taught me how to be a father again, and because of you, I've finally felt..."
She stared at him, his words swimming through her mind.
He forgot to fight his impulses and reached out to take her hands in his. His eyes bore into hers. "Would you come, Maria, as their mother? As my wife?"
Maria felt her mouth drop open as she internally repeated his request. He wanted her to be with him forever. He didn't just want to fulfill some desire; he was asking her to be much more than the hired help or worse, his paramour. As she closed her gaping mouth and searched his eyes, she became aware of how much thought he had put into this. While the impropriety would turn some heads, she realized that he only wanted her to be with him, no matter what anyone else might say.
She looked over at the children, who hadn't heard their father's question but were watching them with captivated interest. She knew that they wanted her to go with them, but had resisted asking because they knew it was not their place. It wasn't his place either, but he was asking anyway, because he loved her.
She swallowed and closed her eyes, trying to capture some level of concentration as she considered his request. Torn between the feeling of the peace she had when she was with the family and the pull of her sense of duty, she prayed harder than she ever had for an answer. The words of Sister Berthe kept repeating in her head, and she inhaled quickly to try to hear exactly what God's will was. Was she meant to devote her life to Him or was she destined to be with the von Trapp family?
Maria knew that she had to make her choice immediately, and there would be no second guessing. If she decided to go with them, she would be putting her reputation, and his, at risk. She would be walking away from a life that she had grown up thinking she was meant to live, something she had never considered doing until the night before. But could she deny herself from ever experiencing another moment like she had in the Abbey cemetery? Could she deny him that?
She heard the children murmur to themselves, and the Captain's patient sigh as they all waited for her to tell them what she wanted to do.
As she continued her internal debate, she vaguely realized that the chimes had stopped ringing, and the Sisters' singing had ended. Nothing filled her head except for a calm silence, and she found that the stillness gave her a sudden feeling of lucidity.
Maria opened her eyes and met his gaze again. She inhaled deeply, letting that serene awareness wash over her body, and she gradually felt a calmness fall upon her.
Without warning, she became acutely aware that she had already made her choice. As the resolution filled her, she was surprised that the decision had caused her so much anxiety to make in the first place. Once the thought entered her head, she felt such clarity, such peace. She knew, deep in her heart, which path she was meant to follow.
"Will you, Maria?" he asked again. "Will you come with us?"
Maria smiled at him and opened her mouth to give her answer.
Fin.